Do it and you can beat procrastination

Chapter 12 Don't Be Stubborn!Regret is also a kind of beauty (1)
Perfectionists are obsessed with the pursuit of perfection. They always put forward higher requirements for themselves in everything they do and every job. In order to pursue perfection, they keep procrastinating.However, as Wilson said: "On a seesaw, there is a 'god' on one side and a 'beast' on the other, and humans stand in the middle; only when people are impartial can the seesaw be balanced. God', or lean towards the 'beast', the result will overturn the seesaw." There is no real perfection in the world, and everything has certain shortcomings.

No one is perfect, dare to admit imperfection

The pursuit of perfection is actually a common state of mind, and it cannot be said to be wrong.But there is a limit to everything. If you pursue perfection too much and don't know how to be flexible, you will become a perfectionist.

Perfectionists usually have the following performances in daily life: First, they are unwilling to take risks, for fear that any minor flaws will damage their image.The second is reluctance to try anything new.The third is that they are so nervous that they can't even do ordinary work.The fourth is because some things are not perfect, so you will feel restless.Fifth, there are many demands on oneself, and there is no joy in life.The sixth is to find fault with others, and the interpersonal relationship is bad.

Psychologists have shown that perfectionists are inversely proportional to their chances of success.At the beginning, they were worried about failure and restless, so they could not go all out to achieve success; after failure, they became extremely anxious, depressed and depressed, and wanted to escape from the failure as soon as possible, but they were not really failing Summarizing the lessons in the middle of the day, all I think about is how to escape.How can perfectionists succeed in their careers with such a heavy mental burden?Moreover, they are often unsatisfactory in terms of family and interpersonal relationships.

·Perfect demanding attitude
In daily life, you often see the following situations. Some people feel pain because of some flaws; some people feel inferior because of their short stature; some people are upset because of small eyes; These people tend to only see the flaws, not the flaws that are part of perfection.It is impossible and unrealistic to demand perfection in everything.The pursuit of perfection is the driving force for everyone to move forward, but nothing can be required to be perfect.

The pursuit of perfection is sometimes a good phenomenon, which prompts you to develop towards the best, but absolutely perfect things do not exist at all. Therefore, excessive pursuit of perfection will lead to psychological imbalance and negative emotions.

Perfectionists show their demanding attitude in the following ways. 1. In terms of attitude towards society, perfectionists believe that society should be absolutely fair and reasonable. When encountering unfair and unreasonable situations, they begin to have extreme ideas about society, and use distance from society and loneliness to escape imperfection. real society.

2. In the attitude towards others

Perfectionists believe that others should know themselves, understand themselves, and respect themselves.Their mantra is "as a leader should be..." "as a friend should be..." "He should not be..." etc. When the other party is not as perfect as they imagined in reality, common depression occurs Or hostility, affecting interpersonal relationships and one's own emotions.The long-term existence of this way of thinking can lead to paranoid personality.Some people in life are depressed, cannot get along well with others, complain about others all day long, and are hostile to others. They are likely to be affected by the existence of excessive perfectionism.

3. Attitude towards work and study

Perfectionists believe that since it is work and study, it should work well and study well, regardless of other factors.

4. Attitude towards marriage

In the process of love, perfectionists often affect the success of love because they are too demanding of the other party's conditions, or take an attitude of refusing to accept the other party's shortcomings.After marriage, whenever there is some friction between husband and wife, it is easy to feel hopeless about the marriage.

5. About ability
"I'm a college graduate, so I should be better than them in all aspects." "As a leader, you can't appear to be less capable or professional than ordinary people." "People like me should have good communication skills."... These people always demand their own abilities. Compared with Xiao Wang's eloquence, Xiao Zhang's painting, Xiao Li's calligraphy, Xiao Wan's popularity, and Xiao Ma's intelligence, etc., the "perfect person" is synthesized.

6. About the role
"As a student, I should study very well." "As a leader, I must be able to solve all problems." "As a wife, I should be a good wife and mother." "As a doctor, I must be responsible for the death of patients."... These people use social roles I demand myself based on my own expectations and the expectations of all roles, and excessively shape myself into a standard role recognized by society.When I fail to achieve such an overly perfect role or make mistakes caused by the role, I don't consider many other factors at all, and start to feel guilty, blame myself and even feel depressed.

7. About character
"I shouldn't be silent" "I'm a man, so I should be a strong man" "I shouldn't feel inferior" "I should be more open-minded" "I think I shouldn't be so nervous when I meet people"... These people don't believe , and don’t consider that the current personality is formed over a long period of time, which is normal and reasonable for the moment. It will take a long time to change this process. Even if it is changed, there is no absolutely perfect personality.

8. On Morality
"I have to be responsible to him even though he's an asshole" "I shouldn't have lent money to my friend"... This kind of perfectionist morality is an excessive morality, and they even have a sense of their own instinct, physical Some of the thoughts generated fear, and then began to self-condemnation.In fact, people are rational. For some patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder or phobia, their brains can only think of good things, and they cannot have "bad" thoughts. They think that having "bad" thoughts is "unserious people."

Everyone has the right to pursue perfection.It is everyone's hope to achieve perfection, but this hope cannot be too excessive and too strong to match other related abilities, qualities and other factors.

There is no perfect thing in the world, so you don't have to deliberately pursue perfectionism, otherwise you can only add unnecessary troubles to yourself.

·Acknowledge imperfection

Too many people get caught up in the extreme pursuit of perfection.People's potential is limited, excessive pursuit of perfection often only backfires, and suffers the double blow of imperfect results and spiritual pain.Therefore, when you do things, you must admit that you are not perfect, and there is no so-called "best".

Perfectionists demand the highest standards in everything they do, but there is no such thing as absolute perfection in real life.As a result, the following phenomena appeared: procrastinating in reality, pushing back the time to complete the work, and constantly making various meaningless changes. In the end, the perfect dream in my heart still could not be realized, and instead let Work was stuck in an impasse that wasn't completed in time.

Therefore, for those who are obsessed with perfection, only by breaking this extreme thinking can the work continue.Of course, the premise of doing this is: people must admit their mistakes in their hearts, admit that they are not perfect, and accept the fact that there is no so-called "best".

A Pope once said: "There are two angels in everyone, one good and one bad. People can't completely get rid of the 'fallen angels' in their hearts, because we are born sinful and never perfect. The key is that we Can you overcome your own 'sins'." In this regard, if people want to overcome their own "sins", they should first bravely admit that they are not perfect.Getting people to admit that they have flaws and imperfections is a psychological battle without smoke.Of course, in the face of this war, the determination to win is inherent in people, it is human instinct.According to the summary in "Meditations", human beings have such an instinct: when people are faced with difficult choices, instinct will help people make the most suitable choice for them.Therefore, fear not, in this struggle, the ultimate victor must be you.Of course, trusting in instinct also requires people's acquired efforts.

Awen is a software developer in a software company. He has worked in this company for nearly 10 years and is very skilled in business.Unfortunately, the company closed down due to poor management some time ago, and Awen lost his job as a result.So Awen began to look for a job again. With his skilled technology and rich experience, Awen quickly received an interview notice from a company.

On this day, Ah Wen came to the interview site full of confidence.There are many people who come to apply for the job, and the narrow corridor is full of applicants.Despite this, Awen is still full of confidence, and not everyone has 10 years of work experience.In fact, Arwen is indeed a rare talent.Relying on his solid professional skills, Ah Wen successfully passed the written test and was notified of an interview three days later.

Three days later, Ah Wen came for an interview. Because he was too confident in his skills, Ah Wen did not pay much attention to this interview. He felt that no matter what questions the interviewer asked him, he could answer them fluently.However, when the interviewer asked, "Based on your solid work experience in the software industry, please talk about your views on the future development of the software industry", Arwen was speechless.Although Awen has been engaged in software development for nearly 3 years, he has never thought about this issue.In the end, Awen failed the interview.

Although the interview failed, Arwen got more than the work value - he saw his own shortcomings.This harvest is enough to benefit him for the rest of his life, and he felt it necessary to write a letter to express his gratitude to the company.So Awen wrote a thank you letter to the company.This unexpected thank you letter was seen by the boss of the company, who read it carefully, and called out Arwen's resume to read it carefully.Soon, the company's personnel department was notified: immediately hire Arwen as the manager of the software development department.The reason is that Arwen has the courage to face his own shortcomings.

The reason why Ah Wen in the story won the final success of the interview is that Ah Wen has the courage to admit his shortcomings and admit his imperfections.Such people often do not procrastinate and can objectively maintain a good attitude and work efficiency. It is precisely because of this that the boss of the company hired Arvin out of the ordinary.

The art of procrastination: admit imperfection and accept your own shortcomings
Acknowledging imperfection can always remind one's own shortcomings and promote people to make continuous progress. Therefore, people should admit imperfection and accept this imperfect world without the so-called "best".Only in this way can people go further on the road of life.Since "acknowledging imperfection and accepting that there is no such thing as 'best'" is so important to people's growth and progress, how can this be done?The specific process can be as follows.

1. Set work goals rationally
When perfectionists are doing a job, they often set the goal higher than the task requires, and attach many unrealistic conditions.However, as the work progresses little by little, many problems will gradually be exposed, and in the end it will be found that these goals are simply impossible to achieve.At that time, it was very difficult to go back and do it according to the original low requirements.

In fact, when you don't strive for perfection, but just want to perform well, the best results are often achieved unexpectedly.Find something that you are fully capable of doing well, and do it well.You'll feel more relaxed and natural, act with more confidence, and feel more creative and productive.Your life will also be enriched and colorful because of this.

2. Have the courage to admit your mistakes

Admitting the mistakes you have made is, in fact, affirming that you are not a perfect person.Inner awareness will lead to more rational behavior, precisely because people are aware of their own mistakes and imperfections, and have the courage to confess this shortcoming to those around them, accept supervision from others and "torture" from their own hearts, In order to allow people to correct wrong behavior can be concretely implemented.In many cases, procrastinators are precisely because they dare not speak out about their mistakes. Over time, this kind of concealment becomes a habit and indifference, and they will not pay attention to their mistakes so much.Mistakes will directly lead to delays in progress.

3. Maintain proper self-esteem
People who have no self-esteem, they often lose themselves.The limited treatment of self-esteem is that when you work hard for a job, you should abandon the vanity thoughts: "I am such an excellent person, what should I do?" "What should the result be."In fact, such thinking is excessive vanity, that is, it raises one's self-esteem to an unrealistic position.You should maintain proper self-esteem according to your actual situation, and avoid making your request out of the reach of your actual ability because of being too emotional.

4. Don’t dwell on past failures

After failing at work the last time, people are overly frustrated with their imperfect performance and wish they could be perfect next time.However, the higher and higher requirements will make it more difficult to control the emotions after the next failure.Not being frustrated by previous failures means not paying too much attention to the results, which allows you to face imperfections more calmly.This kind of psychology will allow people's behavior to be controlled within a more reasonable range.

5. Accept flaws
Things without flaws do not exist, blindly pursuing an illusory realm can only be futile.Life can never be smooth sailing. When encountering setbacks and troughs, self-confidence and optimism are particularly important, and you must not give up on yourself.Learn to look at problems from another angle. It is precisely because of problems in life that make you feel depressed and hopeless that you will put in more effort and know how to cherish what you get. Together with success, it becomes your rich life experience.Only by withstanding the test of failure can a person reach the pinnacle of success.Don't feel sorry for yourself because something is not perfect.

6. Correct self-awareness
Don't overestimate your own abilities, and don't be too inferior.If you demand perfection in everything, it will become an obstacle for you to do things.Use your strengths to compete with others, not your weaknesses.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, don't be too cautious in order to make everyone around you satisfied, have a little courage to "do your own way", do things as long as you are worthy of your own efforts and conscience, and don't care too much about others' evaluation of yourself.Otherwise, setbacks can lead to physical and mental exhaustion.

7. Learn to relax and resolve tension

Excessive emotional tension and anxiety will affect a person's ability to solve problems; and often encounter some unexpected things in life, you should learn to regulate your emotions, maintain a regular life and adequate sleep, and maintain a full spirit state to face and solve problems.Learn to talk and seek help to resolve unhappiness. Most people in life have a heart to help others. It will not be too difficult to find a friend who is willing to listen to your complaints.

The wise man Boonan once said: "Everyone must prepare two pockets. The note in the right pocket is 'I created the world', and the note in the left pocket is 'I am a nobody'. In this way, you can According to your own needs, take it as you please.” In real life, you should take out the note in the “left pocket” at any time to read it, and remind yourself that you are an unknown person, an ordinary member among thousands of people, both Less prominent, less perfect.

Dedication is better than perfection
Perfection is an ideal state, a state that you will never achieve.It is irrational and unwise to spend precious time chasing perfection.Throughout the ages, countless young talents have been ruined in the pursuit of perfection, and ended in a miserable and desolate end.

(End of this chapter)