The unscrupulous elder sister

Chapter 245 I used to blend with your breath (3)
No one knows that my heart has been numb with pain, and only then did I know his ability. He is the prince, and he left the palace like this, and he didn't leave alone, but took her with him. Ama has favored him since she was a child, but she didn't know that she favored him to such an extent!

I want to smash everything in front of me, I want to beat someone hard, I even want to go out of the palace and snatch her back from him, but I can't, I can't, I have no power to fight against the emperor. Ama, I can only suppress all the anxiety and heartache in my heart.

It's my fault, I've been waiting for her response, but I never thought about fighting for it; my fault is that I put all my heart on her, ignoring him who is getting stronger and stronger, who is strong enough to protect her he!

I am not reconciled, very unwilling!
So during the southern tour, I wanted to see her, but Huang Ama didn't seem to have any plans to continue going south, so I wrote a note to Huang Ama, saying that I would share Huang Ama's worries, and in addition, I wanted to meet the two of them. people.

I told Huang Ama frankly, because she once said that honest children can be more favored by Huang Ama.Sure enough, Huang Ama approved the word "permitted", so I set off quietly one day.

I was rushing desperately along the way, I missed her very much, I wanted to see her, I wanted to see her very much, after I arrived in Yangzhou City, I wanted to see her right away, but the servants who followed me reminded me that I don’t look good now, So I deliberately found an inn to rest for a night, and wanted to see her in a full and energetic manner, but then a chance made me know what I missed that night.

The moment I saw her, I even felt that my whole life was complete, but she didn't see what I wanted when she looked at me, and even more, I saw what I least wanted to see.Hickey.

I know the hickey marks, it's all because of Tong's eccentricity, she always likes to admire those marks in the mirror after Huang Ama dotes on her, but seeing them on her now makes me despair.

And when I saw him again, I couldn't control the alienation I showed, and I didn't even know what kind of expression to face him, was it anger, anger, or hatred?All I know is that we can never go back to the way we were before.

I was thinking, should I give up, I tried my best to coax her out of the city, delaying the time for her to go back, and then I saw the scene where he rushed over and smiled at her.

Seeing their tenderness and affection, I smiled in a trance, isn't this the scene I want to see?Isn't this the scene to make yourself give up?But why when I saw it with my own eyes, I couldn't bear it at all?I thought I could do it, I thought I would give up because of this, but what is the roaring and jumping in my heart?
Why can't I get such a beautiful smile from her, why can't I get her sincerity?What he can give, she can also give, why can't she give what she wants?

Tears welled up in my eyelashes suddenly, and my heart shook slightly, as if something was slowly dying because of this.

I stood on the carriage and told myself, give up, give up, I caressed her brows and eyes, and whispered to her, I told myself it was the last time, the last time, and then never miss it again, never again Don't rely on such warmth, just stop it, and withdraw from her life in the future, even if she probably doesn't care at all.

However, before returning to the capital and still running around on the road, I already regretted it.

Why give up?Why not fight for it?

Have you forgotten the lesson of not fighting for it?

Yes, how could I forget, if I was able to take the initiative to fight for it, wouldn't it be the case now?
So after I returned to Beijing, I told Huang Ama that the prince was very busy in Yangzhou, and she stayed in the house all day long in Yangzhou, and told me that I missed Huang Ama and the queen mother very much, and even cried. When Ama went to Rehe, let her go to the Mulan paddock to relax, and then take her back to the palace to meet Huang Mama.

Huang Ama really loves her, and I agreed after a little thought after hearing what I said. I suppressed the excitement in my heart and calmly continued talking to Huang Ama.

Then in June, I saw her again, but she was not very good, her face was a little pale, I started following her all the time, but she no longer noticed me as before, she would often fall into deep thought, and then look Changing, sometimes frowning, sometimes smiling, sometimes sad.

I know she is thinking of him.

She didn't know I was in pain.

She is even dodging my eyes. This situation makes me swallow the words that are on my lips from time to time. Can I say, if I say this in this situation, will she ignore me further?
While I was thinking about it, I stayed by her side. I wanted to ask her, why couldn't she see me, why didn't she pay attention to me anymore?
But I dare not, I am afraid to push her further.

It wasn't until a long time later, after I never saw her again, that I realized how sad I was. I didn't even know how to get close to her and fight for her. If I could ask her forcefully from the beginning, or win her weakly Her distress, will the result be different?

But I have no choice, after he told me to be strong, strong enough to protect her, I was destined to go on the same path of pursuing power and power as him, and then he was stronger and ruthless than me, so he got her.

He can give up a lot, and he can also gamble with everything, because he has more, he has Huang Ama's pampering and favor, so even if he leaves the palace, he has nothing to be afraid of, he has her So even if he left everything in the capital, he got more.

He threw everything away to bet on her heart, he left the capital to bet on Huang Ama's favor, he won, and the win was so beautiful, so beautiful that I couldn't help but feel jealous.

After she wanted to go to Guangzhou but was rejected by Huang Ama and had no choice but to return to the palace, once I met with the three elder brothers, and then mentioned that the eldest brother's daughter was not in good health, my heart moved, and then I seemed to mention it unintentionally. , The second brother should also choose the princess.

Although Huang Ama's expression didn't change at all, she was still smiling, but I sensitively caught the movement in his eyes, and I couldn't help but want to tell her and destroy her hope.

I don't know if I'm crazy. In order to get her, I was willing to make her suffer. After she heard that Huang Ama proposed to choose the crown princess, her listless appearance made me feel sad and guilty. I calmed her down and talked to her , and then at the moment she questioned me, all my negative emotions came out instantly, but seeing her in pain made me suffer even more.

I'm stuck in a dead loop.

(End of this chapter)