The rest of your life is long, you are the most unforgettable

Chapter 13 I'm sorry, it's okay

Thanks to the recent Mercury retrograde, old people and old things always come to dreams, but as the poem says "Only dreams of idlers do not dream of kings", those who fall into dreams are insignificant others, except what you think about day and night that.

Matcha suddenly thought guiltily, if he hurt him so much at the beginning, whether he was angry and never came to her dream again.

When one thought begins, there are thousands of water and thousands of mountains; when one thought disappears, the vicissitudes of life.

When I met him, Matcha had just ended a relationship and was a little disheartened about love.In the face of some sudden blows, out of self-protection, people will become calm and rational, without extravagant hopes, longings, or hysterics over anything.It was as if he wanted to close himself up and watch with cold eyes, without expecting anything.

The superficial innocence is not actually the calmness in the bottom of my heart, but a deliberate alienation, so as to prevent myself from expecting and being disappointed again.

If you let the current Matcha look at yourself at that time, I'm afraid you can't help but spit: Isn't it just a lovelorn? As for being so depressed and hypocritical?

I met him at that time, should I say it was his misfortune, or my own luck?

Matcha rubbed his temples, he couldn't believe that after such a long time, he still thought of him, yes, even a little miss.In the time and space far away from the Pacific Ocean, Matcha thought, what is he doing now?In waking or sleeping, do you have a new lover by your side, are you happy or not, and do you often think of her?

can you?

How would you feel if you thought of her?
Coffee was served with matcha, standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows. Outside the tassel curtains was another country. Everywhere she could see were buildings with different styles. Suddenly she wanted to go back to the country.

Avoidance can only prevent you from being hurt, but you can't actually gain a sense of security.

There is still a photo of him in the phone, he is standing behind the matcha, sticking out his tongue and making a face, his eyes are full of happiness.It was at 798, he took her to see the exhibition, at first she refused to go.Then he came up with an idea, the two made a bet, if Matcha lost, they had to agree to his date.

As a result, matcha lost.

He was very excited that day, like a child who finally got a long-awaited toy, cheering for joy.

It was also the day he kissed her for the first time.On the bus going back, she was sleepy and lay on his shoulder to sleep. He first took her hand tremblingly, and she could clearly feel him trembling. Then, with his face sideways, he gently kissed her kissed on the lips.

She was actually awake, but she didn't open her eyes, and continued to doze off. For some reason, there was a throbbing in her heart. He treated her carefully, like a weak cat, full of love and affection.

She thought, he really likes her.

During that time, she was very emotional, and her ex-boyfriend occasionally came to contact her, and his cheating partner harassed her from time to time. She was so disturbed that she sometimes hid in the corridor and broke down crying.

Only in front of him, she is the most capricious, the cutest, the most cruel, and the happiest.He tried every means to please her, not hesitating to let go of a man's dignity. She saw the distress and pity in his eyes, but for some reason, she became more and more presumptuous.

Now that I think about it, it's just relying on being liked, so I'm unscrupulous and cruel to hurt.

Originally, the crime in love is that we can only be hurt by those who don't love us forever, and then turn around and hurt the one who loves us.

Matcha still remembers what she once said to him: "You will never forget me, you will never forget me, maybe you will try to forget me, but at a certain moment, you will suddenly think of me." Unfeeling and domineering, at that time she thought Saying this would scare him away, because she had repeatedly said that she didn't want to fall in love or be loved for the time being.

But he stubbornly liked her and put her in the softest place in his heart.

She originally issued a kind advice not to provoke her, but he didn't listen.So there seems to be a wrestling between the two.And in this contest, the one who loves more is doomed to lose from the very beginning.

She still remembered that he had suppressed his tears and said in a low voice, "Why, why did you hurt me so much?"

She still maintained her haughty look, looking away, without answering.How did she tell him that she just wanted to prove one thing, whether he would stay and continue to love her after she hurt him over and over again.

Or like her ex-boyfriend, who promised to be forever but broke up halfway.

He later told her about meeting her for the first time.

She went to his unit for an interview that day and spoke to the new supervisor in another office.At that time, he was waking up from a nap, opened his sleepy eyes, turned his head and saw her: she was cute, a little one, sitting on the sofa, as if she was completely sunk in; staring at a pair of big eyes, looking around, It looks like Arale in the animation.In fact, she is a little girl, with gentle and delicate eyebrows and eyes, like the water in the south, but there is always a hint of arrogance and distance in her eyes.

After listening to his description, she laughed at him bluntly, saying that he was a sour pseudo-literateur, showing off what little literary talent and poor vocabulary he had.

They were not familiar with each other at that time, facing her such a straightforward ridicule, he blushed while being surprised, and said after a long time: "There is always nothing wrong with liking someone."

She looked back at him disdainfully, thinking it was quite ridiculous, saying "like" so easily was just a slippery tone, even with a hint of frivolity.So she continued to sneer and sneer without changing her face: "That's right, that's right, all of you who are engaged in art have a hard time."

He was many years older than her and was a respected person in the work unit, but in front of her alone, he had nothing to do.

He once asked her: "Why do you always argue with me? You have to talk back to everything I say, and you have to refute everything I agree with?"

Facing his questioning, she didn't say anything, and she didn't know what to say.

The first time she borrowed an eraser from him, when he turned around, he saw his long eyelashes and big eyes, very much like her ex-boyfriend.At that moment, an inexplicable disgust surged in her heart, and the closer he got to him after that, the more disgusted she became.

In fact, he is very good-looking, with thin lips, a well-defined face, delicate eyebrows and eyes, and he likes to laugh and make her laugh.

She was so afraid that she couldn't help liking him who had the same face as her ex-boyfriend, and treated him as a substitute to comfort her.Of course she knows that even if the feelings are pretended, it is difficult to retreat completely.

In a small chat, he mentioned that people who are engaged in artistic creation are unavoidable, and when talking about those who once liked him, he has no impression of them, only sporadic memories.He probably wanted to tell her indirectly that he is an attractive person, so many people like him, but he only likes her, this is his sincerity.

But she didn't think so, just when he was bragging about his flirtatiousness, it made her feel that he was disgusting from head to toe.

It is the sudden emergence of evil, why do people who love with heart always end up heartbroken?And always make these playboys stumble.

"I must let you remember me, yes, remember me deeply!" She thought fiercely in her heart.

It's not in vain that he looks so much like her ex-boyfriend, and he likes her so much.

She calls and drinks to him, and when she is doing business outside, she sends him a text message, and he immediately puts down his work and rushes here just to bring her a bottle of drink and chat with her, just because she said "Okay" Boring."

He was busy with work until very late, and it was almost 12 o'clock at night, and he had already missed the subway, so he sent her to take a taxi.Walking on the overpass, there are flickering car lights and street lights under your feet, and the cold wind is blowing.Suddenly she was not afraid at all, because she knew that with him, she would not get lost, and he would protect herself to get home safely.

When the weather was cold, he grabbed her hand to warm her up, but she pulled it back and said, "Come on, you're not trying to take advantage of me, are you?" He grabbed her hand again with a playful smile, Keep warming her.

When the work pressure was high, she lost her temper with him and said harsh and vicious words. He went to the corridor to smoke silently, and brought her a box of her favorite jelly when he came back.

Matcha still remembers that after get off work, he always begged her to accompany him for dinner, and then the two of them wandered along the road. Sometimes she was tired of his stickiness and kept urging him to go home, but he said like a child: "Reluctant to leave." He pestered her to talk with him for a while.

Another time he took her to Wangfujing Bookstore to buy books. In order to find a book, she ran back and forth many times up and down the stairs, causing blisters on the soles of her feet.On the way back, he carried her on his back and walked on the brightly lit street. Others looked at him in surprise, but he said, "Do you think I will be embarrassed? No wonder, my biggest feeling right now is happiness!"

……

Those, and those, after such a long time, I still remember them all.

However, clearly when he said goodbye to her for the last time, he asked: "Will you remember me, the roads we walked together, and those little things?"

She looked heartless again, and said with a smile: "Please, who will remember the past!"

He was so nice to her that she couldn't believe he meant it.

Matcha was worried that she really couldn't help liking him, but then she thought again, he just found a wayward girl like her new and interesting, and when the freshness wears off, he might get tired of it.

But she was wrong. He really liked her and kept her in his heart.

When she realized that he really liked her, she gradually forgot that evil thought, and she knew that she shouldn't hurt someone who treats her well.

But at that time, she was still in the shadow of broken love and was not suitable for love, so she decided to keep a distance from him and stop hurting him.

She deliberately distanced herself from him and avoided him.

He didn't know what was going on in her heart, thinking that her estrangement was playing with his feelings.He became grumpy, asking over and over, "Why did you do this to me?"

She knew that he misunderstood, and didn't bother to explain, but said indifferently: "I just don't like you, or you tell me what you like about me, and I'll change it."

He beat his head uncontrollably on the street, weeping uncontrollably, she walked quickly without looking at him, and he yelled from behind: "Will you just kneel down and you will look at me more?"

He is like a child whose toy has been robbed, sitting on the ground and rolling around.His entanglement and unreasonable troubles made her feel bored again.

In this way, the two hurt each other for a while. He laughed at her for being cowardly and afraid to love again, and she satirized him for being possessive and getting angry when he couldn't get it.

What was originally a simple liking has gradually become hideous.

She didn't want to hurt him, but she hurt him anyway.

Matcha still remembers that on a snowy night, he stood in an open space downstairs of her house, and the dim light shone on him. He stood like a sculpture so lonely and sad. He hoped she would give him an answer: "We Good start."

She didn't let him have it.Finally he left in despair.

on the phone.

He said: "I finally understand that there is a person in this world, even if I give her my heart, she will not care."

He said, "Even if a stone is warmed so hard, it should be warmed up. Why are you so cruel and indifferent?"

He said: "You overturned my thinking in the past 30 years. It turns out that I am not always in love, but why do I still think it is worthwhile to be hurt by you?"

He said: "It turns out that loving someone is really painful and joyful."

He said: "I'm going to let go, if you hate me, I will disappear in your world, because I want you to be happy."

Hearing his last words, her tears rolled down instantly, and her heart ached beyond control.She also wanted him to be happy, but she temporarily lost the ability to love and couldn't give him happiness.

Love needs a right time, but they met at the wrong time.

She is such a person, she has never said that she likes or loves, but in her heart, she seems to have walked through thousands of rivers and mountains, and through vicissitudes of life.

They are not together after all.

When they parted for the last time, they made an appointment at the barbecue restaurant they used to go to, drinking small beer, and eating skewers. The night in Beijing is so beautiful, and the night breeze is so gentle.

He said he was going on a trip to relax.He was talking nonsense, but he looked at her while he was talking, and then he couldn't continue, so she had to change the topic and smooth things over.

He gave her a stone chapter carved by himself, on which was Yuan Zhen's poem: Once upon a time, the sea was too difficult for water, but Wushan was not a cloud.Take Hua Cong to look back lazily, half destined to practice Taoism and half destined to be king.

She made fun of him again: "This is to commemorate my deceased wife, curse me!"

He panicked and said repeatedly: "No, no."

When parting, he hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "I love you, goodbye." Then he turned around without looking back.The warm smell of alcohol sprayed on the hair around her ear, itching.

The cold wind was blowing on her hot face from drinking, she walked down the street in a daze, and murmured: "See you again. I hope you are happy, and I am not the one who can make you happy."

After a year and a half, he would occasionally ask about her recent situation online.

Later, due to some accidents, she went to a foreign country and changed all the contact information. Because of her lazy and indifferent personality, she didn't greet everyone before.After all, the world has changed, so why bother to carry the past.

They just disappeared in each other's world, and became inconspicuous strangers in the vast sea of ​​people again.Sometimes when I think about those days, I wonder if it really happened, like a dream.

Later, she meets other people, loves and is loved, and gradually knows how to love each other.

Rene Liu sang:
how you remember me,
With a smile or a very silence,

Is there anyone who can keep you from being lonely all these years.

She kept the stone badge he gave her with her all the time.

She doesn't often think of those days, but let the time polish it again and again, and the hysteria and resentment she had in the past are slowly smoothed away, leaving only those warm moments, just like the heat he exhaled when he warmed her hands. Helping her tidy up the bangs that slipped from eating, and carefully kissing her while she was asleep...

Across time and space, missing is also a kind of interruption.For him, Matcha is apologetic after all, but when he loves passionately, she is like a coward.I also thought about what if, when I was frustrated later.But don't we go through all kinds of things in the world just to understand this truth: there are no ifs in life from the beginning.

"Thank you for everything you have given me, and I owe you an apology."

Say this sorry after a long, long time, will you smile and say it's okay.

(End of this chapter)