The rest of your life is long, you are the most unforgettable

Chapter 21 When I was young, I once loved so deeply
1
A few days ago, after having dinner and talking with my mother, she suddenly asked me with great interest: "Do you remember the youngest son of the old Li's next door?"

"You mean Li Zhihui?" I reacted quickly.

"Hey, do you still remember his name?" Mom was a little surprised.

"What's up with him?"

"I heard that he is going to get married, and his partner is from out of town. Old Li's family has settled their minds." Mom let out a long breath.It seemed that she was the one who had something on her mind.

In fact, not only my mother, I also felt inexplicably emotional after hearing the news.

2
When I was in elementary school, our family lived in the family area of ​​the school.

Every morning, while I was still trying to pick up the last few mouthfuls of food, I could hear Zhifang's loud voice coming through the wall from the next door: "Jiajia, have you packed up, you're going to be late!"

Zhifang is Zhihui's older sister. They are two years apart. Zhifang is in the fourth grade and Zhihui is in the second grade.Our two are neighbors.

When I quickly packed my schoolbag and rushed out of the house, I could see Zhifang and Zhihui waiting at the door.

It can be said that my primary school years were spent in Zhifang's cries day after day.

She is a person who has a special sense of time, which I sincerely admire.However, we who were ignorant at that time did not expect that she would marry and become a wife and mother after only a few years, and her life always seemed to be several stages faster than others.

Zhihui, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of her character.

He is a very handsome young man who is deeply doted on by his parents. Although he will not degenerate to the point where he opens his mouth and stretches out his hands when he eats, but a young boy has a lot of weight in his words at home, and he will definitely get what he wants. Therefore, Zhifang "followed" him very much so that he could eat and drink.

In the eyes of the world, this kind of pampered person should be the kind of person who has a bad temper, is hated by his classmates, has poor academic performance, and whose parents are called to school by the teacher all day long, but he is not.

His academic performance is very good, he is the first in the class every time, and he has won various awards and prizes; he is also very polite and polite to others, and is crazily worshiped by his classmates... In today's terms, he is a "male god" level figure.

Although Zhihui went to school with Zhifang every day, every time we came to a fork in the road, he would not come with us.

He wants to wait for a girl named Mengya.

You must know that most male gods are very arrogant.Although Zhihui is only in the second grade, he has repeatedly rejected the request of the class teacher to make him the class monitor. The reason is: I want to be more free.

But no matter how arrogant a male god is, he will obediently obey a goddess after all.As the saying goes, one thing drops one thing.

3
Mengya and Zhihui are classmates.

Her house is also in the family area, some roads away from us, and belongs to the area with more upscale houses.Of course, children at that time had no idea about these things, and we didn't care what kind of official Mengya's father was at school.

There is only one reason why Zhihui waits for Mengya, and that is that he likes her.

Like the law of all teenage love, girls only like boys with good academic performance, and boys only like girls who are beautiful.

Meng Ya is quite beautiful, but she is not a doll in the sense of public aesthetics.When other little girls grow their hair, they usually wear it in pigtails, but she doesn't.She always has long hair fluttering, and her big eyes are shining, as if she can see into people's hearts.

Mengya walked very slowly, keeping a long distance away from us as she walked, and Zhihui followed her quietly.

I suspect that Mengya is deliberately keeping a distance from us, she is introverted and doesn't talk much in front of strangers.The impatient Zhifang couldn't stand this kind of procrastination, so she dragged my hand and walked quickly towards the school.

Leaving Zhihui and Mengya walking slowly behind.

I don’t know if they will relax after we leave, talking and laughing along the way, picking a wild flower, or fluttering a butterfly; or, they still just quietly accompany each other, like the blue sky guarding the white clouds... Either way, it's beautiful.The love when I was young was pure love, I just wanted to appear in front of her eyes, and see my own shadow in her pupils, shining brightly.

4
When I was a student, gossip news was always the most effective, especially the gods and goddesses who wore halos.The rumors among the classmates were very serious, and they looked more real than real.The teachers also heard about this a little bit, but they just laughed it off, thinking that it was just the simple and tiny thoughts of the children.

Can a kid understand what liking and love are?In the long years to come, you will always have to fight with a few scumbags, cry bitterly in the middle of the night, and only after you can't fall in love will you understand that love is a very mysterious thing.

No one believes that in a pure and innocent heart, a seed of love is taking root and sprouting.No one takes it seriously, only it knows it.

The end of the final exams heralds the arrival of the great summer vacation and all the kids are running like wild horses off the leash.At this time, the adults will not be as strict as in the past, and will not ask you if you have finished your homework. After all, there is still a long summer vacation, not to mention that the adults were once children, so they can understand their lawless mood at the moment.

A group of children planned to fish, dig out bird nests, and steal fruit from the orchard... Everyone was very excited, as if they were going to do something big.

Zhihui is an exception.As soon as the summer vacation started, he obediently stayed at home and did his homework.

I asked him curiously: "Why don't you go and play with Mengya?"

"Mengya went on a trip, and she's not at home for the whole summer vacation." Zhihui didn't hide his lonely expression at all.

"Then you go and play with us, there is still time to write homework when school is about to start!" I encouraged him.

"No, I have to finish my homework first, this is our agreement."

"A promise? Is there a promise between you and Mengya?"

"Yes, I'll finish writing first, and she can copy mine when she comes back." Zhihui looked proud.

I was very surprised and blurted out: "People who copy homework are bad students, how can you, a good student, do such a thing?" As a good student who has been instilled with various positive concepts, I cannot understand this kind of behavior.

"Mengya is not a bad student!" Zhihui's first reaction was to defend his reputation as a "little girlfriend". "She just doesn't like reading and finds school boring, but she is actually very smart!"

I don't know why I felt a sense of resentment at the time.Thinking of the gossip that passed among classmates on weekdays, that Zhihui was dazzled by Mengya, and now it seems that it is true.

"You're so smart, why don't you do your homework?" I asked back.

"She doesn't need to write, I'm willing to help her write, how about it?" I don't know if he really thinks so, or if he is willful and angry.

"Then can you take the exam for her?" My tone was a little aggressive.

Zhihui was stopped by the question, his face turned red from holding back.In the consciousness of elementary school students, the test is the truth and the only criterion for distinguishing the authenticity.But after a while, he said confidently again: "What Meng Ya said, we have the right to do what we want, instead of being forced to take exams..."

I don't remember how this topic continued, but Zhihui's words "We have the right to do what we want" left a deep impression on me.

When I was young, I didn't understand the meaning of this sentence, but simply envied Mengya for not having to do homework, because someone who liked her helped her do it.

That was the first time I felt that "like" is a kind of privilege. In front of liking, other rules don't count, just like a good student can copy homework to others, and a person's shortcomings can also be regarded as advantages.

In short, it will be a long, long time before we really understand the meaning of "we have the right to do what we want", and we will also understand that liking is a kind of privilege that makes people willing, and at the same time, it is another kind of privilege: only the other party can hurt us deeply.

5
Time flies, and in a blink of an eye I will be in a key middle school, and I will live in school, and I will never hear Zhifang's familiar shouts in the morning.Zhifang went to an ordinary middle school, which was closer to home and did not need to live on campus.

I would go home every weekend, and every time Zhifang came to play with me in high spirits, telling me all kinds of gossip.It also includes the matter of Zhihui and Mengya. For example, a transfer student transferred from Zhihui's class is Zhihui's strong rival. Defeat...like the episodes in the TV series.Later, Meng Ya, who had never been very enthusiastic about studying, also began to work hard, and specially hired a tutor. In just two or three months, her studies improved by leaps and bounds.Because of being busy with homework, Zhihui and Mengya spend less and less time alone in school and after school, but Zhihui is very comforted, and they agree to take the key middle school together.

Zhifang was chattering away, but Zhihui's firm eyes and the phrase "actually she is very smart" flashed in my mind.

When I was in the third year of junior high school, they were in the same school as me, and in the first year of junior high school, they were in different classes and lived on campus.

I often see Zhihui downstairs in the girls' dormitory. The more times we meet, the more we become familiar with each other.At that time, there was no mobile phone, so for the convenience of contact, Zhihui occasionally asked me to call Mengya, and Mengya and I gradually became familiar with each other.After that, my impression of Mengya gradually changed, and I gradually understood why Zhihui liked her so much.She is such a girl, she looks elegant and quiet, with big smart eyes on her beautiful face; she doesn't speak much, but when she speaks, it makes people feel that she is mature beyond her age.

Not long after, there was explosive news about Zhifang, who had always been ordinary.She fell in love with a gangster in the society, often went to Internet cafes and karaoke halls, and hadn't gone to class for a long time. The teacher called home, and Teacher Li found out the truth.

I thought Zhifang would cry and beg for mercy when the incident was revealed, but she simply proposed to drop out of school.At that time, Teacher Li's house was full of turmoil, and Zhifang used a hunger strike to show her ambition.

On the car home at the weekend, Zhihui told me about this matter, and I didn’t know what to say after listening to it. I just rambled about some opinions that are close to the ink, the future is uncertain, etc., which are purely false today. .Meng Ya, who had been silent beside her, suddenly said: "Everyone's life path is different, not only studying can have a future, she is not afraid of death, so why not give it a try, no one knows what will happen tomorrow, so she can only do it by herself Choose and bear the consequences."

After finishing speaking, Zhihui and I looked at each other in blank dismay.

After all, Zhifang dropped out of school and went to Guangzhou with a gangster.

Teacher Li turned gray almost overnight and became haggard a lot.Since then, all his hopes have been pinned on Zhihui.Fortunately, Zhihui has always been competitive and has excellent grades, which is a great comfort to him.

6
Neighbors on the left and right talked about Zhifang's deviant behavior for a while, and some eighth wives even joked in front of Teacher Li: "Maybe, you will be able to hold your grandson soon."

With a dark face, Teacher Li clenched his fists and walked quickly through the crowd.

Unexpectedly, during the Chinese New Year, Zhifang really came back with a big belly.

The thing that Teacher Li prayed every day not to happen still happened, but when he saw his daughter with a big belly, all the complaints, anger, and shame were gone, only pity and heartache. Cooking is like serving my wife more than ten years ago.With tears in his eyes, he said that nothing else is important, only his daughter and children are the most important...

These are what Zhihui told me.

Zhifang and I seemed to be getting farther and farther away, and we didn't know how to greet each other when we met, we just nodded and smiled, then turned and left.

Yes, we used to think that we would always accompany each other to grow up, even if we didn't go to the same middle school or university, but in the parallel world, we would go through those stages of life together, confused, hard-working, sweet and warm , Lonely and lonely... We will get together and gossip and tell secrets like we did when we were young.

However, at the fork in life, Zhifang turned ahead of time, and everything was different.

Zhihui once said with emotion: "When I was young, I thought that growing up was to follow the track step by step, but now I understand that only TV dramas are written in advance. Life is so impermanent, and the train of fate carries us. Get out of the car and never go back.”

When I said this, he was in the first year of high school and I was in the third year of high school.

At that time, we had gradually learned some principles of life and the cruelty of fate. We longed to cling to those around us to gain a sense of security, and were afraid of variables and separation.

I comforted him: "At least you and Mengya are still together, no matter what happens in the outside world, you must do your best to protect your own world."

Zhihui remained silent.

7
Unexpectedly, the accident came so soon.

Mengya decided to go to an art school. She didn't want to continue studying boring books and taking boring exams. She couldn't bear it for a moment, and she even planned to go abroad.

When Zhihui told me these things, I realized that Mengya was good at painting, and had learned piano and ballet. After getting along for several years, I never heard her talk about these things; Temperament has a foundation, not a thin beauty.

She is such a dazzling person, but she has been silent and ordinary.

Being unassuming is the greatest pride.

Zhihui was obviously dumbfounded, and muttered to himself: "I always thought she was just different, but in fact she is mature. She has a clear plan for her life. In comparison, I seem to be the naive one who copied her homework all the time." Little kid. I'm so scared." He looked at me helplessly.

Many years later, I saw a line in a movie, and I understood Zhihui's "I'm so scared". In addition to the meaning of fear of separation, there is another meaning: "Growing, the cruelest part That is, girls are always more mature than boys of the same age, and no boy can resist the maturity of girls."

Before we had time to react, a big wave of fate rushed over us.Soon, a terrible disease that year caused panic throughout the country.Our third grade was under martial law and the school was closed for more than a month.After the ban was lifted, because of exam preparation, I still repeated the life of two points and one line every day.It wasn't until the end of the college entrance examination that the feeling of being plunged into a closed state was completely relaxed.

It was only after I got home that I found out that Zhihui had mental problems before the second-year high school arts and sciences exam. He either didn't say a word for a few days, or suddenly chattered, yelling and throwing things at the same time.The hospital's diagnosis was severe depression, so Teacher Li had no choice but to go to school to suspend him.

I went to visit Zhihui, his empty eyes didn't know where to go, or maybe he saw another beautiful world on the white wall, so a faint smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.

Zhihui's mother shed tears all day long, wondering how a child like Hao Duanduan could be so delirious.Teacher Li blamed himself very much, saying that he had put some pressure on Zhihui before the subject test. He just wanted him to calm down and prepare for the test, but he did not expect this to happen.

8
I thought it had something to do with Mengya, so I went to find her, only to find out that she had left the country more than two months ago.According to Teacher Li, before leaving, Mengya had a talk with Zhihui.After returning, Zhihui was fine, and his family didn't care.But gradually, something went wrong with Zhihui.

No one knows what they said in their last conversation, so it is impossible to judge whether Zhihui's depression is directly related to Mengya's departure.

Zhihui didn't speak, and shut himself in the room all day.

One morning when I came home from a walk in the park, I saw Zhihui at a fork in the road, so I walked over to say hello to him.

A distressed smile floated on his pale face: "Morning, are you going to school?"

My heart seemed to be hit hard by something, and tears flowed down.I just remembered that this intersection was the place where he waited for Mengya to go to school together every morning when he was in elementary school.

He didn't want to remember anything, he didn't want to say anything, he just wanted to go back to elementary school, wake up every morning, and all he could think about was waiting for Mengya to go to school together.

His every day started from the moment he saw Mengya.

That year, he was eight years old.

He is a vigorous, handsome and caring young lady. He has such good academic performance. He is the male god of the girls in the same class, but he only has her eyes on her. Their gossip and rumors are flying everywhere. Loved a girl that way.

I hugged him and cried bitterly, the tears poured out uncontrollably, as if I wanted to cry my heart out.

I thought of Zhifang again, that beautiful little girl is now a mother, working hard to make a living outside, and the traces of the years have crawled into the corners of her eyes and hands prematurely.

Zhihui let me hold her quietly like that, and let me cry loudly.

Suddenly I understand that the person who is lost in life is lost forever. She takes away all your fetters, leaving you standing in the memory wandering.

9
Later, I went to the north to study in university.

Later, the houses in the family area were demolished, the school arranged new houses, and the former neighbors were scattered to pieces.

I heard that Zhihui's condition gradually improved, and he did not continue to go to high school. With the help of Mr. Li's friends, Zhihui went to a specialized school.After graduation, he went to work in the city where his sister Zhifang lived.

I heard that Zhifang's husband died in a car accident. At two or three o'clock in the morning, their child had a high fever. The tired father drove anxiously to the hospital and collided with a large truck at the corner. The child survived Come down, but her husband is gone forever.

There were tears in my eyes when my mother told me.In those few years, when talking about the changes in Mr. Li's house, the neighbors left and right all sighed with emotion.

I never saw Mengya again, and I heard that her whole family immigrated.

I never saw Zhifang again, I only heard that she met a caring person later, who cherished her and her child in every possible way.

I never saw Zhihui again.

Except that one time.

It was my second year out of college, and in April, I went home to take care of some things.I was bored at home, so I decided to go to the old primary school for a walk.

I never went back to the road in the former family area after I moved to a new house.

The former elementary school was abandoned, with black walls and black tiles, overgrown with weeds, it was desolate and desolate.The paulownia trees surrounding the classroom are still lush with branches and leaves, and the branches are covered with pure white and purple-pink paulownia flowers, like wind chimes that only listen to their thoughts.The breeze blows, and the flowers on the branches flutter to the ground.

When I was about to leave, I saw a tall figure standing alone under a paulownia tree far away.The side face and back seemed to be Zhihui, so many years had passed, and the memories of those youths rushed to my face again, and I dared not go forward to recognize him.

Maybe it's because, from the bottom of my heart, I feel that he has been reborn.

Those love vows and dreams, those pains and struggles are like the paulownia flowers falling all over the ground.Spring and autumn change, the flowering period is one season every year, and it blooms again after opening, infiltrating into the soil to nourish the rhizome.

Once in this world, we will encounter all kinds of joys and sorrows. After all kinds of destined transformations, we will grow and our lives will be more abundant.Those pasts will be forever buried in a corner of memory, they will not be erased, and they don't have to be brought up deliberately.

It's a pity that I didn't always love you as I hoped when I was young, but I'm glad that at least I loved you like that.Occasionally, I miss you suddenly, where are you now, are you happy or wronged?

(End of this chapter)