The rest of your life is long, you are the most unforgettable

Chapter 9 Secret Love Is Surrendering to Love

1
Ms. Lin is my best friend, from the Northeast, tall, big breasts, slightly fat.

We are both Cancers, we have many of the same hobbies, and our jokes are also very consistent. If you see a bad joke with a strong taste, you must share it with Ms. Lin, because she can make up more jokes that collapse the three views.Cancer's emotional nervousness is unbearable for most people, but we can cherish each other. Whenever encountering Mercury retrograde, Venus retrograde and square nemesis, Ms. Lin would ask me worriedly on Q: "Is Cancer the hardest-hit area?"

I know that what she cares most about is whether her old love will come back.

At first, I patiently explained to her: Not all planetary retrogrades are like Mercury retrogrades, old people and old things repeat themselves.But she didn't seem to care about these things at all, and said nonchalantly: "If you don't let the old love go back, it's a P!"

I am very indignant at her behavior of losing objective judgment because of love, but after thinking about it, I feel that it makes sense!
We have known each other for so long that we can hardly remember the ins and outs of our first acquaintance. We only clearly remember the first time she sent me a photo. Jumping out of a strong man really froze my brain for a few seconds.

Trembling, I typed a few words: You sent the wrong photo.

Before clicking send, Ms. Lin proudly popped out a sentence on the dialog box: "The new jacket, doesn't it look good?"

Across the Internet, Ms. Lin would never feel that there are thousands of grass and mud horses rushing past my heart at this moment, so she had to silently delete the typed words "You sent the wrong photo", and changed it to "Are you not a Virgo rising?" .

Ms. Lin replied in seconds: "Why am I not?"

"Most Virgos rising are handsome and beautiful women. With your appearance, it is really unlikely that you are a Virgo rising." Although Ms. Lin is my friend, as a serious astrology enthusiast, it is my duty to help my relatives.I thought Ms. Lin was going to post a bunch of bloody photos of me hacking to my screen, to show how angry she was when she was angry.

After a while, Ms. Lin only sent a picture of heartbreak, and added: "Is it true that everything in this world is skinny, just like, all men in this world are beautiful?"

Suddenly, I felt that Miss Lin was quite pitiful.

2
Ms. Lin is quite talented and her writing style is excellent.So when she described her secret love to me affectionately, the shyness, expectation, nervousness, and nymphomaniac... all made people feel the same, and I missed the secret thoughts of the green and young.

But ever since I saw her truth, when she confides to me again, a sentence comes to mind unconsciously in her mind: only good-looking people have youth.As a girlfriend, many times I would tactfully insinuate Ms. Lin: You lose weight, learn to make up, wear beautiful skirts, grow long hair...

Ms. Lin didn't seem to listen, and replied to me: "The person who really loves me should love my rich interior rather than my superficial appearance. I believe that Mr. Du will discover my shining point sooner or later."

What she said was not unreasonable. "Even if I am superficial, there is no need to pull others to be superficial with me" "We must allow the world to have multiple values"... After thinking this way, I will not refute anything.

I have never seen a photo of Mr. Du. I asked Ms. Lin to ask for it once, but she didn't send it to me.Probably because I criticized her appearance, I will never give me a chance to criticize her male god again.

In this regard, Ms. Lin denied it categorically. She felt that the bizarre fate between her and Mr. Du was a divine providence that surpassed all worldly standards. In this world of faces, she wanted to seek a refined love.

3
Mr. Du is Miss Lin's colleague and college classmate.

When Ms. Lin ran into Mr. Du for the first time in the office, she screamed with excitement, which really frightened Mr. Du.

"Can you imagine that suddenly one day the lover of your dreams appears by your side and becomes your colleague who gets along day and night, oh my god, I'm almost dying of happiness!"

As a strict Cancer, I must correct Ms. Lin's wrong words, "First of all, even if this is true, you only have 'morning' and no 'evening' at the moment; secondly, can you stop daydreaming at night? , it's scary."

Ms. Lin said that she didn't believe it was true either. The happiness came so suddenly that it made people feel a little sad.

Under such a sentimental feeling, Ms. Lin told me the secret deeply buried in her heart for the first time, and some fragments that she had heard before were pieced together again like this.

Ms. Lin was not Mr. Du who fell in love at first sight, neither of them was eye-catching, and they hadn't had much contact with each other before.They didn't officially know each other until a regular meeting of the school magazine.Mr. Du greeted Ms. Lin: "So you also joined the magazine?"

In retrospect, Ms. Lin felt that this moment started as if it was fate, like Zhang Ailing's greetings when a man and a woman who love each other reunite after a long absence: "So you are here too?"

In an unfamiliar environment, any simple relationship can bring two people closer.They sat together at that regular meeting, and the president was planning the theme of the new issue on the stage. They were assigned to the same group to be in charge of a column. After the meeting, Mr. Du jokingly said to Ms. Lin: "Please give me more advice in the future." .”

Although they are just ordinary classmates, they have another layer of relationship than ordinary classmates.Although it would not cause any ripples, it gave the two of them a kind of restraint. At least since then, they have met on the road, library, and cafeteria. They can no longer pretend that they don't know each other, and even if they don't say hello, they still have to nod and smile.

In the blink of an eye, the freshman year passed, and many students around me were in love. Ms. Lin and Mr. Du were just acquaintances.

But what should come will always come.

During that summer vacation, the school magazine arranged for local members to go to the shopping mall to solicit sponsorship. Ms. Lin was very eloquent, and won the first sponsorship on the first morning. Although the funds were not much, it boosted morale.A group of people went to the bus station enthusiastically, preparing to transfer to the next battlefield.It was almost noon, and the bursting sun was mercilessly scorching the earth. People waiting for the train at the station carefully hid in the small shade under the big tree.

Mr. Du took a step to the side and said, "Stand inside."

Miss Lin said hesitantly, "This way you won't have any shade."

"It's okay. This small piece of shade is not enough for the two of us. Instead of two people being exposed to the sun, it's better for one person to cool off and the other to bask in the sun." Mr. Du replied naively.

Ms. Lin bluntly said that it was the first time she was taken care of by a member of the opposite sex since she was a child.Her description may be exaggerated, but it shows that Mr. Du's thoughtfulness has moved Ms. Lin.In the scorching summer, with noisy cicadas singing, someone is worried about whether you will get sunburnt and give you a piece of shade. Ms. Lin thinks so, her heart pounding.She rejoiced, that was the initial heartbeat in her youth.

4
Ms. Lin began to pay attention to Mr. Du, paying attention to his behavior and preferences.

Mr. Du is late for class today, she will think: Did he not sleep well last night?

Mr. Du wears blue short-sleeves for several days in a row, and she will think: Does he like blue very much?

Xu Zhimo's poems and Shen Congwen's words are often seen in Mr. Du's articles, and she would think: No wonder he is such a delicate person.

Mr. Du spent all day in the library on Saturday, and she would think: He is a person who can calm down and sit still.

The songs he likes to listen to, the classrooms he often goes to for self-study, his favorite dishes, the ringtones of his cell phone...all his small things gradually build an abstract Mr. Du under the rapid detection of Ms. Lin's radar. Every preference is an advantage in Ms. Lin's eyes.Listen to his favorite songs, read his favorite books, imitate his little hobbies... In every moment of missing, he seemed to be sitting silently opposite her, and her heart beat faster.

She misses Mr. Du day and night, but no one knows, not even her good friend. No one knows how this invisible secret love has sweetened her countless dreams and made her worry about her.Whenever she picked up the phone and wanted to send him a text message, and when she saw his avatar light up on Q and wanted to talk to him, she would choose words and sentences, but hesitated the moment she sent it.She didn't want to be too deliberate, and wanted him to notice her. After thinking about it, her courage was exhausted.

Until one day, Mr. Du did not come to the classroom for three consecutive days.Ms. Lin was restless and didn't think about eating or drinking. She was embarrassed to ask Mr. Du's roommate, so she dialed Mr. Du's phone in desperation.After connecting, Ms. Lin asked a bunch of concerned: What's the matter with you, are you sick, or something happened at home? ...I only heard a vicissitudes of life from the other side of the phone: I'm fine, thank you for your concern.Then the phone hung up.

After hanging up the phone, Ms. Lin realized that she was trembling all over. She was so nervous that he cared about him, but he hung up the phone impolitely. Nowhere to vent.

In the evening, Mr. Du unexpectedly called, saying that he wanted to invite Ms. Lin to dinner.

They met at the restaurant in front of the school, and Ms. Lin forgave him the first time they saw Mr. Du. The look on her face, which was different from the listless face in the past, made people feel distressed.After drinking a lot, Mr. Du confides in his heart. On the first day of school, he fell in love with his classmate Miss Mi at first sight. Because he didn't dare to confess, he fell into a clichéd crush. Finally he plucked up the courage to confess, but was bluntly rejected.

"He has a boyfriend. I have been secretly in love with him for more than a year, and in the end I only got a sorry..." Mr. Du's eyes flickered.

Ms. Lin said that it was at that moment that she realized how painful the suffocating heartache was. It turned out that he was also experiencing all her thoughts on him, but it was spent on another person.

Miss Lin asked tremblingly, "What do you like about her?"

Mr. Du, who was already half drunk, raised his head slightly, his eyes were blurred, he fell into the memory, a happy smile inadvertently appeared on the corner of his mouth, which hurt Miss Lin, "Probably because she is good-looking, gentle and quiet, making people think To protect."

"There are many people who are prettier than her. Why do you like her?"

"You don't understand. If you like her, you just like it, just like you don't like it. If you think she is good-looking, you won't think others are good-looking." Mr. Du paused for a few seconds, then lowered his head. Can't stop liking."

"Me too." Miss Lin's heart was shattered into glass shards, and she threw a bottle of wine with her neck, and let me get drunk tonight, because I will fall in love with you again after dawn.

5
Throughout the university, Ms. Lin never fell in love.Happily, neither did Mr. Du.

Because Mr. Du has always liked Miss Mi.

Just like Miss Lin has always liked Mr. Du.

Miss Lin has complicated feelings for Miss Mi, jealousy and envy, hate and gratitude.In any case, because of Miss Mi's refusal, Mr. Du is single, and Miss Lin can naturally continue to have a crush on her.

In order to find topics for the school magazine, they rode bicycles through the streets and alleys together. The green shade and sunshine spread across Mr. Du's shoulders. There seemed to be a fragrance of flowers in the air, which she would never forget.Together with the way he was reading in the library, cooking in the cafeteria, walking on the road with a kettle in his hand, sleeping on the table, running on the sports field... She will never forget it.

Sometimes Miss Lin would feel extremely sad when thinking of this long secret love. She was always by his side as if she was on call at any time, caring for him and comforting him in every trough of his life, but he never liked her, nor did he know that she liked him.After being sad, Ms. Lin will be thankful again. Fortunately, Mr. Du didn't know, so she can always get along with him as a friend, covering up this unspeakable affection.

She never confessed, because she knew what the result would be, and she didn't want to lose her self-esteem and still be unable to be friends.In this secret love rivalry with herself, she actually has only one choice, to win her self-esteem.She has nothing to lose, not even the right to lose to love, because she has never had it.

On the day of the graduation meal, everyone was drunk and cried into tears, and men and women hugged each other without any scruples and said separation.Mr. Du was also drunk, and Ms. Lin accompanied him for a stroll on the playground. When the refreshing night breeze blew over, Mr. Du murmured to the sky: "Four years have passed like this, as if I just met her for the first time when school started yesterday. Okay." I want to confess to her again, but I don't have the courage. The longer the crush lasts, the more I can't speak, as if at a certain moment of hesitation, I resigned to my fate."

After graduation, Mr. Du went to the south, and Ms. Lin stayed in this city. At first, they sent text messages and made phone calls during the holidays, but gradually a separation film developed, because Mr. Du finally had a girlfriend.

Ms. Lin still misses him, browses his Weibo, QQ zone, and WeChat circle of friends. Mr. Du rarely updates, and occasionally uploads some photos with his girlfriend. He is thinner and more handsome, and his girlfriend is also very beautiful. She has the look of Miss Mi.In addition, Ms. Lin began to care about the horoscope, the luck of the week, the month and the year. Every time she read Mr. Du's horoscope, she paid special attention to his love fortune.One day, Miss Lin suddenly lost control of her emotions and called me crying: "You know there is a person in this world, you can't stop missing him every day and like him, but all you know about him is the horoscope. "

"Why can't I let go?"

"There are two reasons. One is that no one suitable for you has appeared yet, and the other is that you have not been severely rejected."

"Why doesn't he notice my existence?"

"Because you didn't let him notice."

6
Mr. Du returned to the north from the south this time, and it turned out that he was cuckolded by his ex-girlfriend.

So, he's single again.

What's more, he and Ms. Lin became colleagues.

I think, even God is helping Ms. Lin, fate once again brought Mr. Du back to her side.They ate together at noon, went home from get off work together in the afternoon, chatted and played around in the company, and Ms. Lin would help Mr. Lin with some work when they got home.When Ms. Lin wakes up every morning and thinks of going to work, she can't help but raise the corners of her lips. She has never been so active about work, and she feels happy when she goes to work.

But things changed two months later.

Mr. Du fell in love with Miss Fang from the company.

Miss Lin was finally a little disheartened. She couldn't figure out what was so good about that Miss Fang. She was so stupid that she made a form out of ten and nine times she made a mistake; She even pushed it to Ms. Lin delicately, "You are so fat, a bowl of rice is not enough, I'll give it to you", and she came to work every day wearing [-]cm high heels with panda eyes and big mouth, and someone said it was beautiful, Wearing a miniskirt in winter can't freeze to death, little girl is pretty...

Ms. Lin was indignant: "Is Mr. Du blind, do you like this kind of woman?"

The authorities are obsessed with the bystanders, so I pointed out the problem of Ms. Lin straight to the point: "At least Miss Fang is a woman in Mr. Du's eyes, but you are a buddy in his eyes! Unless Mr. Du has a problem with his sexual orientation, how could he notice you? "

Ms. Lin was instantly ignited: "You are superficial! I am fat and not beautiful, so am I not eligible for love?"

After enduring her many times, she finally couldn't bear it anymore, "You don't get love because you are fat and not beautiful. You know that you are fat and not beautiful, and you are not good enough for others. Instead of improving yourself, you use love to improve your morality." Kidnapping others, saying that others don't like you because of your face and superficiality."

The truth is always cruel.But in fact, most of us knew the truth at the beginning, but we just refused to admit it.From the moment of crush, the crush feels from the bottom of his heart that he is not worthy and cannot get it.Secret love is a gesture of looking up, a one-man show of bitterness, that person is as gorgeous as a daydream, I don't know how it started, but it is destined to end.

Some people have been stuck in the stage of "days and nights", such as Miss Lin.There are also people who turn unrequited love into motivation, motivate themselves to make changes, read more books, understand more principles, increase knowledge and broaden horizons, work hard to lose weight, shape body, beautify and cultivate their minds, so as to become a better self in all aspects, and stand on the side of that person again. before.

Only those who have really worked hard are qualified to say "follow the fate".

Everyone has the right to dream, but if you have been dreaming, even if you are moved to tears in the dream, so what, there is a moment of waking up from the dream, and everything in the dream has nothing to do with you after the curtain ends.

To really love someone is to do your best to make yourself better, to participate in the life of the person you love with arrogance, and let him see you and be moved by you.

After all, crushes are a child's game, aren't they?

don't be too sad,
There are bound to be regrets in life.

(End of this chapter)