the knife of love

Chapter 313

I see everything is you, but I dare not think about you...

Tang Jingcheng's tears came out all at once, she never thought that she would stand in front of her and say these words like this one day after passing the test.

Is this a love story?It turns out that he can also talk about love.

Tang Jingcheng was stunned and uncomfortable, so he rushed forward holding his breath.

"Bastard, are you coquettish?" He stretched out his hand, but Guan Lue pinched her arm, he took her into his arms, pressed his hot lips against her dripping hair, opened his mouth to bite, lightly He hugged her round earlobe and kissed her lips all the way from the earlobe.

Tang Jingcheng trembled in his arms, her heart soared.

He definitely did it on purpose, absolutely!
Tang Jingcheng's tears became more and more violent, and Guan Lue couldn't finish kissing her no matter how much he kissed, he simply grabbed her waist and pushed her into the bedroom.

There was no light on in the bedroom, and it was dark.

"Guan Lue... Guan Lue..."

Tang Jingcheng clings to him and calls his name over and over again. For three years, she has called these two words in her dreams and in her hatred, and now she screams shrill and trembling in this ball of flames.

The room was full of her voice, his panting.

What Guan Lue responded to her was rough fingers and a fierce kiss, tearing off the strap of her nightgown in the dark, hugging her and pressing her down on the bedroom bed...

Love is a very complicated thing, it will be confusing, hesitant, and want to give up because of fear of getting hurt, so many causes and consequences, so many love-hate entanglements, naturally there will be many "uncertainties", but your heart is not will lie to you.

You calm down and listen to the voice in your heart.

"Do you want to?"

"think……"

"Do you want?"

"Yes!" She said firmly, with her eyes closed, her eyelashes trembling like butterfly wings.

Guan Lue held her face in one hand, her skin was hot under the palm, and her tears were still stained on the fingertips, which he gently rubbed off.

"Tang Jingcheng..."

"Ok?"

"Don't be angry with me anymore, I'm sad, I don't want to lose you again..."

Tang Jingcheng laughed and cried even more.

"I try my best!"

She was an asshole, she made it clear that she was going to eat this man, so she tightened her waist slightly and sent herself in.

The moon and stars were thin outside the window, and the bedroom was filled with the scent of sweat and roses. Guan Lue tormented Tang Jingcheng for a long time, just for her saying "I will try my best" that is not afraid of death.

He had already lowered himself to such a low level, but she just said "I will try my best", what a girl who doesn't know what to do.

After the incident, Tang Jingcheng lay on Guan Lue's body, neither of them planned to get up to take a bath, their bodies were still tangled together with stickiness, this was a bad habit brought out by this lazy girl.

Guan Lue's arm was a little sore from her pressure, he freed up and changed his position to embrace her on his shoulder.

"Tang Jingcheng...?"

"Huh?" The person on the shoulder responded vaguely, looking like a corpse again.

Guan Lue ignored her and rubbed her wet hair with sweaty hands.

"Smoke a cigarette." He reached for his pants on the ground with one hand.

Tang Jingcheng said "hmm" again: "I want to too!"

"No!"

Nima what kind of man?He lit himself up and smoked by himself, and the smoke sprayed out on Tang Jingcheng's face, Tang Jingcheng was so angry that he turned over to grab his cigarette, but Guan Lue pinched her arm and pressed his mouth up, Kissing fiercely, feeding her a mouthful of second-hand smoke, Tang Jingcheng choked so much that he raised his hand and beat him.

"Don't you fucking know how to be sympathetic?"

Guan slightly pursed his lips and smiled: "It's not the first day you know me!" While talking, he still gently pinched Tang Jingcheng's shoulder with his fingers, and the right shoulder was wrapped with a hundred-day red vine.

Tang Jingcheng was upset by him.

"Stop pinching."

"It still hurts?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore." She sat up a little in Guan Lue's arms, and patted off the man's hands that were groping her body, "I really want to smoke, give me one!"

Guan slightly ground his molars, and he was sure.

"Only half of it!" He handed her the half he had taken out.

Tang Jingcheng gave him a blank look, but after thinking about it, he still picked it up. This man is relentless in matters of principle, so let's just have half a stick, it's better than nothing.

She was smoking a little leftover cigarette.

Guan Lue's hands were all free, and he continued to pinch her shoulders, but the rough touch made Tang Jingcheng's heart itch.

She hummed.

Guan slightly paused: "Can you tell me about the past few years?"

"what's up?"

Guan sighed slightly: "You have been outside alone in the past few years, what you have experienced."

"Actually, there's nothing to talk about." Tang Jingcheng said in a calm tone, "Do you really want to hear it?"

"Don't want to hear it, but I should know."

In those three years, he was absent and did not participate in her suffering, but he should know that it was better than nothing.

Tang Jingcheng smoked a cigarette and thought for a while: "Where do we start?"

"Let's start with the fact that you want to leave Yunling and go to Myanmar, why?" Guan Lue has been unable to figure out the reason for so many years, why she insisted on leaving and chose such a backward country to go.

Tang Jingcheng spit out the smoke, and changed into a comfortable position in his arms.

"Actually, I left Yunling because I couldn't take it anymore. At that time, my father had just passed away. I knew the reason for Qiguan's death so I went to assassinate you. You should remember this incident."

"Of course!" Guan slightly snorted, "You are the only one who dares to blatantly attack me."

"..." Tang Jingcheng rolled his eyes again, very airy.

"It's a pity that I still can't kill you."

"Then you wipe your neck yourself?" Guan Lue was so angry with her that time, he asked himself that he was kind to her, but in the end she was able to attack him without blinking an eye. Although he didn't succeed, the knife was real , Guan Lue was seriously injured that time, but after the end, the girl wiped her own neck directly. If it wasn't for her lack of strength at that time, she might have died on the spot.

That experience was a nightmare for Guan Lue.

"I know I can't kill you, but I don't want to live anymore."

At that time, Tang Jingcheng was really hopeless, Qiu Qiguan left, her father left, Lou Qingxiao committed suicide by jumping off the building, she subconsciously blamed herself for this crime, she knew that there was no way out for herself and this man, She has nothing left to redeem herself.

She really wanted to die.

"Then why did you suddenly go to Myanmar?"

"Because I was found to be pregnant, I was sent to the hospital with a neck injury."

Guan Lue's heart tightened: "Just that time?"

"Well, it was Su Jue who told me that the doctor regarded him as the father of the child, but at that time I never thought about keeping the child. What should I do? I don't even have the courage to live again. How could there be another child?" I have the strength to raise a child." Tang Jingcheng still had vivid memories of that low time.

Guan Lue rubbed her shoulders tightly: "Then what happened after that?"

"Later?" Tang Jingcheng looked far-sighted, looking at a small night sky outside the window, "Later, I went to the family planning department without telling Su Jue."

At that time, the family planning department was just in front of the ward where she lived, a few minutes' walk away.

She registered, made an appointment, and was led into the operating room by the nurse.

"Did you know? The child was more than two months old at that time." Tang Jingcheng fell softly on Guan Lue's shoulder, he could not see her expression, nor could she see his face.

In the darkness, only each other's breathing and voices were heard.

"The doctor had to prepare before the operation. I was pushed by the nurse and lay on the operating bed. They wanted to give me anesthesia. I suddenly felt a little scared..."

Guan Lue pinched her shoulders tightly, but Tang Jingcheng didn't feel any pain.

"I suddenly wanted to see what the baby looked like. After all, he had been in my stomach for more than two months, so I asked the doctor to perform a B-ultrasound on me before the anesthesia was given. I was lying there, and the image on the screen was very It's blurry, but I can see that black shadow moving..."

She suddenly grabbed Guan Lue's finger: "You know what? That feeling...he can move, he's alive. For the first time, I realized that there was a life in my stomach. He and I were close together. It’s so close, so I’m not alone, even though Qi Guan is gone, my father is gone, but now I have a child..."

That fresh life was forming in her womb. At that time, Tang Jingcheng's first feeling was that she couldn't let him disappear. She wanted him to be well, to be born well, and to grow up healthily. The only relative in this world.

Guan Lue had difficulty breathing because of her words, so he buried his head and kissed Tang Jingcheng's forehead heavily.

"Then what? You left the child and didn't tell me?"

"Why should I tell you? Do you know how much I hated you at that time? If it weren't for that child, I wouldn't be able to live at all!"

The beginning of her relationship with Guan Lue was a premeditated conspiracy.

"You didn't save Qiguan, almost the executioner who killed him. How can I have a child for a man who killed my husband? I can't. I can't get through this hurdle, but I can't bear to beat the child Fall, so I just have to find a place to start over."

Tang Jingcheng took a deep breath.

"As for the final choice to go to Myanmar, it was also accidental. At that time, Su Jue had been taking care of me. He happened to have business to go to Myanmar for a while. Don't worry about me. I think Myanmar is also good. Anyway, as long as you don't stay in Yunling, you can go anywhere. So I followed him to Burma."

Guan slightly turned over his palm and clasped her five fingers tightly.

"Well, go on..."

"Originally, I only planned to live in Myanmar for a while. Do you know Bagan?"

"I know, a tourist city in central Myanmar."

"Well, I planned to go there before. The environment there is nice and peaceful. I just wanted to find a peaceful place where no one would disturb me to give birth to my child." That was Tang Jingcheng's only wish at the time.

"I didn't think about anything at that time, Guan Lue, really, it's unbelievable." She clasped Guan Lue's fingers tightly, and the inside was warm and wet, "I never thought that a child would bring me such a great deal. Change, you know that I have a bad temper and nervous disorders. I always wanted to end my life before I found out that I was pregnant, but gradually as my belly got bigger and bigger, I felt that I was slowly settling down... "

Not in a hurry, the gloomy life seemed to suddenly become brighter.

"I don't hate anymore, I don't suffer any more. My only thought is to wait for the baby to be born safely. I went to the Buddhist temple in Mandalay on the second day of my trip to Myanmar, and I chose to raise my baby in Bagan because there are Thousands of pagodas, I never believed in these before, but since I had a child, I began to worship the gods, I thought someone would see them if I looked up three feet, otherwise why would you give me a child when I was most desperate?"

During that time, the child became Tang Jingcheng's salvation.

Guan slightly understood, he understood her pain and entanglement at that time, and also understood her feelings that gradually settled down in the end, because he had seen that photo on Su Jue's phone.

The girl in the arms was wearing a brightly colored longji, standing with her stomach upright in the sunshine at the entrance of Yudu Hotel.

Such a beautiful scene, Guan Lue regretted not being able to see it with his own eyes.

But all the good things will stay on that day.

Tang Jingcheng turned over, buried his face in Guan Lue's arms, all the good things came to an end, and the ugliness and pain came violently at the end of that midsummer.

She didn't have time to go to Bagan, and the child wasn't born in time...

"Guan Lue..." Tang Jingcheng grabbed Guan Lue's arm tightly, lay on his chest and panted, and finally came to the most painful point, Guan Lue kissed her forehead.

"I am here…"

"You're not here...Why weren't you here back then?" Tang Jingcheng dug his nails into his flesh, "The day before the explosion, someone sent me a text message in your name, saying they wanted to see me. I agreed and made an appointment for the first time." We met on the second day, do you know what I thought at the time? I want to tell you about the child. If you hate me, the child will follow me in the future and treat you as a father. If you can accept it Me, then I'll go back with you. I don't want the baby to be born without a father, but why didn't you give me a chance? The other party took my life in your name. When the gunshot rang out, there was still a voice in my ear, saying Neither my child nor I can stay in this world. At that time, I thought it was you on the other end of the phone, and you were going to kill me and my child. Only then did I realize that you hate me so much..."

Tang Jingcheng was sobbing.

Guan Lue's voice seemed to be completely blocked, and he couldn't say a word. Some pains felt like cutting bones without going through them.

"I hate you too. If I didn't hate you for the past few years, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to survive these few years, but you ask me if it hurts? Surgery, skin grafting, wound infection and festering, lying in bed would be worse than death, no pain, at least as long as But I hate your pain, I have nothing left, half of my face and half of my arm were blown apart in that explosion, I don’t even have the strength to cry out the pain, but my consciousness is clear, Guan Lue... My consciousness was sober at that time, I knew that the child was gone, you found someone to shoot me, you hated me so much, but I still wanted to have a child for you foolishly, but I couldn't figure it out, after so many years , I hated you and asked myself repeatedly, how can you be so cruel? Just kill me, why not let the child be born? That is your child, your own flesh and blood..."

Tang Jingcheng was crying in Guan Lue's arms until he was about to faint. He was hurt by someone he cared about, and there was no day and night. That kind of love-hate emotion haunted his heart every night.

Guan Lue lifted Tang Jingcheng's arm, trying to wipe her tears, but she collapsed onto Guan Lue's shoulders all of a sudden, feeling weak.

"Our child is dead...Guan Lue, he is dead...I can't save him. I didn't know when he was pulled out of my body. But I went back to Pagan Town Hospital last year before returning to China. The doctor who induced labor for me at that time told me that a boy is a boy..."

A five-month-old boy is already in shape.

Guan Lue finally couldn't bear it anymore, and gradually cried out as he rubbed the person in his arms...

(End of this chapter)