Pain is the best teacher of youth

Chapter 12 An ignorant age, a young relationship (3)
Everything will have an ending, no matter what the process is or how far it develops, there will eventually be a corresponding answer.Lu Xi worked so hard to get Fu Ran's mobile phone number, and spelled out one text message after another, but finally the screen cleared; it was rare for him to muster up the courage to dial his phone number, but before the call started, he pressed hang up ... There were two times when the phone rang once or twice, and she hung up hastily; there were also two times when she heard Fu Ran say "Hello" on the other end of the phone, she was silent, and then came a "beep" Beep" sound.Next, Fu Ran took Lu Xi's call as a "harassing call" and put it on the blacklist.

Finally, in a magnolia blossom season, Lu Xi learned the ending of this youth story from her high school alumni.

In high school, Fu Ran passed by the window of Lu Xi's house every day because the girl he liked lived in the same neighborhood as Lu Xi, only a few buildings away; Fu Ran liked to go to the library because he liked The girl he likes to read novels in the library alone, he likes her calm look; Fu Ran chooses to study in the same city as Lu Xi because the girl he likes moved to this city with her parents, Only in this way can he see her often.

Youth is wonderful, when everything is immersed in self-fantasy; youth is cruel, when you know that your feelings are just wishful thinking and self-indulgent, all the sadness, anger, shame, and self-blame will be intertwined, Lead to an indelible spiritual catastrophe.From the very beginning, Lu Xi's love affair was like bubbles in the sun. The gorgeous beauty was nothing more than an empty imagination, nothing more.

After inquiring for a long time, Lu Xi found out about Fu Ran's school and his recent situation.One weekend, she went to a cafe near Fu Ran's school.The moment she saw Fu Ran enter the door, she ordered a cup of latte and attached a note, and asked the waiter to give it to Fu Ran.She raised the corners of her mouth slightly and blended into the crowd.Fu Ran was shocked to receive this gift unexpectedly.When I opened the note, there was only one sentence on it: it was enough to have you in the performance in my youth.

Lu Xi recalled Fu Ran's smile, remembering the first scene she saw in high school, she sucked her nose and forced a smile.Many years later, when she looked back on this past event, she suddenly realized that she had been in love with Fu Ran at the beginning, not so much because of infatuation, but because she was protecting herself and made a movie that she directed and acted in.Without a clear answer, the ending can be arranged arbitrarily; without a clear confession, a perfect process can be created in the heart.Some people and some things in your youth are not really unforgettable, but you don’t want to forget at all; what you really like and miss is just the serious and affectionate self at that time.

The disappearing time will make the wounds of the past bloom into white and grand flowers, stand in the purest posture, and become the best proof that we have warmed each other and existed. / Young Writer Rao Xueman

bloom in its season
In the stage play of youth, the most innocent, emotional and rebellious scene is none other than puppy love.

Strict parents, when they hear about puppy love, turn pale and think it is a farce; old-fashioned teachers, when they hear about puppy love, feel angry, and think it is a major violation of school discipline; gossip students, when they hear about puppy love, they laugh and think it is the most interesting gossip news.In fact, in Su Xiaoxiao's view, puppy love is not such a joyous rebellion, nor is it such an unforgivable mistake. It is just that I fell in love with someone, and that person just happened to like me, that's all Simple.

Falling in love with Peng Jie was purely an accident.Su Xiaoxiao, who has always been regarded as a good girl and a good student by her parents and teachers, never thought that she would be drawn into the vortex of puppy love in a daze.In fact, just before she met Peng Jie, her attitude towards puppy love was very similar to that of her parents and teachers. She felt that it was rebellious and a sign of depravity, and she avoided it for fear of it.She has never been in love before, and she doesn't know what puppy love is like. She only knows that her parents and teachers said in secret, don't get too close to boys, don't date boys alone... Su Xiaoxiao thinks that if she does such a thing, I'm afraid it's puppy love!Therefore, she has always stayed within that safe range, keeping an indifferent distance from the boys, and living a life of three points and one line in the classroom, home and library.

Girls who are too cold and arrogant are often lonely.Su Xiaoxiao has almost no friends at school, and her only pastime is reading.The library is a good and quiet place, there are few classmates who read books, and there will be no idlers playing around, and no one will associate going to the library with puppy love, so it has become Su Xiaoxiao's most frequented place.But she didn't expect that she met Peng Jie in the library.The difference between the two is that Su Xiaoxiao does it for reading, while Peng Jie does it for sleeping.

Peng Jie jokingly said that he likes to smell the books and ink in the library the most, and he likes to hear the "rustling" sound when turning the pages of the book. It is completely hypnotic "aromatherapy" and "song", which makes people feel very relaxed and at ease , fell asleep while waiting.Su Xiaoxiao curled her lips and scoffed at his statement.However, the fact that he was sleeping next to her while she read a book did not repel her.

Is it puppy love?Su Xiaoxiao asked herself, it didn't seem to be the case, there was almost no communication between them, and they never agreed on a time to meet in the library.Everything is going with the flow, but they meet each other unexpectedly every time, and there seems to be an indescribable tacit understanding between them.

Su Xiaoxiao likes the seat by the window. When she is tired from reading, she raises her head to look at the sky outside, or looks at the students passing by in twos and threes on campus, and she feels a faint joy in her heart.She has never mentioned this habit to Peng Jie. The strange thing is that every time Peng Jie goes to sleep in the library, he will always lie on the second empty seat in the row by the window.She knew that the seat by the window was reserved for her by him.

It is said that getting used to it comes naturally. I don't know when Su Xiaoxiao got used to Peng Jie's appearance.To her, Peng Jie is like a special existence, familiar yet unfamiliar, but whenever she hears someone calling his name, she will subconsciously look for him.Seeing his appearance, she couldn't help raising the corners of her mouth.

Suddenly one day, Peng Jie said to Su Xiaoxiao, "I like you."

Su Xiaoxiao panicked for a while and was at a loss.She didn't say anything, but the wariness in her eyes and the silence at that moment seemed to hurt Peng Jie.From his eyes, she read a touch of sadness.She just walked away without looking back at his expression. She really didn't know how to face such a request. It was the forbidden place she had been carefully avoiding. Gossip after dinner.She was afraid of being the "focus" of a terrible event that would destroy her confidence in life and destroy her pride.

The head teacher often makes indirect remarks during meetings: "Now is a critical period, and we must focus on our studies. Many things will not bear fruit. After graduating from high school, everyone went their separate ways. The circle of life has changed. Time and space are separated. It will also turn the seemingly indestructible relationship into a mirage, elusive..." These words echoed in Su Xiaoxiao's ears over and over again, like a curse, filling her heart with anxiety and anxiety. fear.

One day by chance, when she was flipping through the book, she saw a sentence from Hegel: "Everything that exists is reasonable, and everything that is reasonable is realistic." Somehow, she thought of Peng Jie and herself. Infer from this sentence: Then, it is not a mistake to have a good impression of each other, at most it is a flower that blooms prematurely.

Of course, Su Xiaoxiao did not agree to get along with Peng Jie as boyfriend and girlfriend, but when the two of them were together, the look in their eyes, the tone of their conversation, and their concern all showed a different kind of feeling. sweet.Sometimes, Su Xiaoxiao would also think: Will Peng Jie and I forget each other after graduation?Many years later, will I still remember this budding relationship?She forced herself not to think about it, but she couldn't help asking herself.Yes, both of them are still too young to have the ability to control the future, everything can only be decided by time.

After the college entrance examination, the long vacation began, and Su Xiaoxiao and Peng Jie never met again.Is everything over like this?Thinking of some clips in the library, she felt a little sour in her heart, and the hazy emotions made Su Xiaoxiao taste the sourness of love for the first time.

Not long after receiving the admission notice, Su Xiaoxiao boarded the train heading south alone.But on the day of the opening ceremony, at the gate of the school's auditorium, she unexpectedly saw Peng Jie's figure.Are you dazzled?Is it an illusion?No, because he was waving at Su Xiaoxiao, with the smile she was most familiar with still on the corner of his mouth.

In that autumn, many gorgeous flowers had withered, but Su Xiaoxiao's inner world was full of incomparably gorgeous roses.Yes, that is the flower called love, it has been waiting in Su Xiaoxiao's heart, waiting for this moment of blooming.

We used to think that we could die for love, but in fact, love can’t kill anyone, it just pricks a needle in the most painful place, and then we want to cry but have no tears, we toss and turn, we become a doctor after a long illness, and we become steel after a hundred times of tempering. /Novel "To Our Dying Youth"

Thousand paper cranes hanging in front of the window
People are the most vulnerable when they are sick, especially when the closest relatives are not around, but I, a girl who has always been timid and timid, and her legs are weak every time she sees a doctor in a white coat, is far away from her parents. The school thousands of miles away fell seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital.

Lying alone in the white ward, so quiet that I could hear my own breathing, watching the drips "tick-tick" on the head of the bed, my heart was full of fear and grievance.I couldn't move and the nurse told me I had just come out of the operating room and there was nothing I could do.I am like an innocent little lamb, I can only obey obediently.

I vaguely remember that when I got up this morning, my stomach hurt badly, and my forehead was sweating.The roommates were all terrified, and rushed me to the school hospital. After the school doctor checked, he said: "It may be acute appendicitis, hurry to the hospital!" Then, the roommate took me to the hospital by taxi, and then I When I entered the operating room, I didn't know anything.

After lying still for a while, the door of the ward opened.My roommate and several other classmates came in, gathered around my hospital bed, and asked me how I felt with concern.They brought me all kinds of gifts. Even though I had no relatives by my side, more than half of the initial sense of loneliness and fear disappeared, replaced by warmth and emotion.

I didn't expect that Zhao Yu also came to see me.He is so sunny and handsome, even if he is in the crowd, he can't hide his dazzling light.Probably too many people, he didn't say anything to me, just smiled slightly.Seeing his smile, I feel warm and happy in my heart.

The students didn't stay long, and left after staying for a while.I took a short nap, and when I woke up, I saw my roommate Fang beside the bed.I saw a bunch of paper cranes in front of the window, fluttering with the wind.Seeing that I was fascinated, Fang said: "Oh, Zhao Yu hung this up. I didn't expect that a big boy can fold thousands of paper cranes." Incredible.

Zhao Yu folded a thousand paper cranes for me?I really suspect I heard wrong.Zhao Yu is so outstanding, his family background is so good, and his playing is so handsome, but I am thin, weak, introverted and timid, how can he be so careful with me?I admit that every time I watch him play, a string is stretched in my heart. I admit that I have a ignorant feeling for him, but I am very realistic and know that he is just a dream in my heart. The distance is too far, and it may not be possible to touch it on tiptoe.

When I was hospitalized, the first thing I woke up every day and the last thing before going to bed was to look at the origami cranes in front of the window, guessing what their meanings were, and even compiling my relationship with him after I was discharged from the hospital. What kind of story will there be.

A few days later, I was discharged from the hospital feeling much better.Zhao Yu and I meet each other in class every day, and we don’t talk much to each other. Sometimes he seems to want to say something, but he hesitates to speak, and passes by with a smile.Silence is better than sound, I actually enjoy this kind of state very much, let everything be said without words!

I checked the registration information of my classmates and found out about Zhao Yu's birthday. I was looking forward to that day and wanted to take this opportunity to express my heart.Finally when the day came, I mustered up the courage to put the thousand paper cranes and little stars I folded by myself into a beautiful box, and it was also filled with all my blessings, hoping to see his smile again.

His birthday will be in a private room of a hotel.I carefully held the gift box and came to the door of the private room. Before I entered, I heard laughter inside. I was shy and hesitated for a long time before I opened the door with my hands and walked in with a blushing face.Zhao Yu was wearing a birthday hat and was surrounded by everyone. I saw Mu Ran holding up a beautiful and delicate fruit cake for him. He looked a little embarrassed, and the students around him began to boo. With a blush.

Maybe it was a moment of nervousness, maybe I was shocked by the scene in front of me, I accidentally knocked over the gift box I prepared, and the little stars and thousands of paper cranes fell all over the ground.Under the watchful eyes of everyone, I said "Zhao Yu, happy birthday to you", and then left.I can't remember how embarrassed I was at that time, but I just wanted to leave as soon as possible, and the farther I went, the better.

I have indescribable sadness in my heart.Mu Ran is a girl from the Art Department. She is sweet and good at singing and dancing.Compared with her, I am like Cinderella, I have no capital, except the inferiority complex deep in my heart.From that day on, I made up my mind to erase Zhao Yu from my heart bit by bit. For me, this is a choice and a helplessness.

In the days that followed, I stopped paying attention to Zhao Yu, and when I heard about him occasionally, I would take the initiative to divert my attention.Sometimes, when I meet him, when my eyes meet, my eyes will always dodge first.In fact, I dare not face him squarely. The beautiful dreams I wove only exist in the string of paper cranes.

The day of parting is coming soon.During the breakup meal, Zhao Yu sang "Bon voyage" for everyone. He stood not far from me and sang affectionately. I think that song is singing from my heart: "I know you have a thousand words and you have ten thousand words, but you don't want to say them; you know I'm so worried and sad, but you don't dare to say them..."

For the first time, he was so close to me.My heart trembles unconsciously.I saw a little light flickering in his bright eyes, and my eyes slowly blurred.In fact, it wasn't just me. In the end, everyone choked up and sang the song together, but each had their own concerns.

On the third day after the party, everyone began to pack their bags and prepare to go their separate ways.That day, I received a package from Zhao Yu, which contained a letter: "I like your Thousand Paper Cranes and Little Xingxing very much, I should have said thank you to you earlier, I'm sorry." There was also a CD , When I auditioned, tears welled up in my eyes.That is Tai Zhengxiao's "Thousand Paper Cranes": "Fold a thousand pairs of paper cranes, form a thousand hearts, the legend says that the heart and the heart can meet..."

A youthful and lively heart will never be lingering in sorrow. / Famous female writer Bing Xin

(End of this chapter)