There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 18 Bloody Maternal Love

It is because of women, mothers, and maternal love that this world is so bright and colorful.

When he was an educated youth, an old farmer told a story about a weasel shedding its skin and feeding its babies.

During the difficult period of three years, his family often could not find food.Fortunately, he can trap, and occasionally he will trap foxes, weasels and so on.One morning, when he went to collect the trap, he saw a weasel caught in it. When he picked it up, he was surprised. There was only a piece of skin in his hand.The weasel escaped.He thought that the skinless weasel must have died not far away.So, he searched along the bloodstains, and found the burrow where the weasel was hiding in the ditch. When he dug it up, he was shocked by the scene before him: a nest of little weasels whose eyes hadn't opened were lying on the ground with their skins off. The already stiff female weasel was constantly sucking on the teat.He stayed there for a long time, covered the female weasel with the skin, and left sadly.From then on, the old farmer no longer used traps to catch wild animals.

Another story was heard on a business trip more than 20 years ago.

That day, a man from Tangshan told me a story about a mother who cut off her finger and fed her child while weeping on the train.

During the Tangshan Earthquake, a mother and son were deeply crushed under the rubble, half of the mother's body was stuck by the concrete slab and could not move.The seven or eight-month-old baby was safe and sound under her.A few days later, when rescuers dug a hole to approach the mother and child, the mother had just swallowed her last breath, and the baby still had the mother's index finger in its mouth.Picking up the child, I found that the mother's index finger was only half.It turned out that the mother has been using milk to continue the life of the child in times of crisis. When the milk was sucked dry, she bit off her finger and used blood to keep the child alive.

Hearing this "bloody mother's love" story, I can't fall asleep.I think of a woman next to me who was my classmate in elementary school.One summer, her three-year-old son was playing at a fried dough stick stand on the side of the road. At the moment when the oil pan was dumped, she used her body to block the boiling oil. Only one leg of the child was scalded, while half of her face was burned. But it was broken.Afterwards, her husband gradually grew disgusted, and she herself fell into endless pain.At that time, I really thought of her side, told her the story of "bloody motherly love", and said to her: "You are a great and beautiful woman."

Later, as I wished, I told this story to her, and also to her husband.She cried and he cried too.Later, he and her love each other as before.

The third story was read in a magazine not long ago.

There is a rift between the mother and daughter in Eastern Europe. The 13-year-old daughter always believes that her mother's status is low, which makes her unable to hold her head up in front of others.A mother who is busy and toilful all day long cannot make her daughter happy.

In February 2002, the mother invited her daughter to go skiing in the Alps.During the skiing, the mother and daughter deviated from the ski path due to lack of experience and lost their way, and encountered a terrible avalanche.They struggled in the snow-capped mountains for two days and two nights. Several times they saw helicopters coming to search for them, but they were not found because they were wearing silver-gray ski suits.Finally, the daughter passed out due to exhaustion, and when she woke up, she found that she was lying in the hospital, and her mother was no longer alive.The doctor told her that her mother saved her life.It turned out that the mother cut off her own artery and crawled in the snow, staining the white snow red with her own blood, so the helicopter found the target.

Old man Bing Xin said: "If there were no women in the world, the world would lose at least five tenths of truth, six tenths of goodness, and seven tenths of beauty." Yes, this world is because of women, With a mother and a mother's love, it is so bright and colorful.

Vocation
God deprived his mother of the right to live as a normal person, but could not disqualify her from being a mother... A young man fell madly in love with a woman, but he didn't know that this woman was changed by the devil to please women. Young people give their all and do their best.One day, the devil asked the young man to dig out his mother's heart and give her to eat, and the young man agreed without hesitation.In the dark night, holding his mother's heart, he hurried back to the devil. When passing through a forest, he accidentally fell and the heart was thrown far away. When the young man struggled to get up from the ground, he heard the heart asking. : "Does it hurt? My son."

When I first heard this story, it was snowing heavily.After listening to it, I was overwhelmed by a huge sense of guilt, and I stood blankly in the snow for a long, long time. Memories flew over like snowflakes flying all over the sky, hitting my heart hard.

When I was young, my mother was my heart disease. From the day I was born, I never enjoyed a single day of maternal love.My mother has been suffering from encephalitis for more than 20 years since she was a child.She can't even take care of herself, so naturally she won't take care of me.I had no verbal communication or physical contact with her. Although we were in the same room and ate the same pot of food, we were like strangers passing by.To be honest, as long as I am with my mother, I feel very annoyed in my heart.People in their thirties are still like children, either basking in the sun stupidly or wandering around crazily, unable to speak a complete sentence, but they are always muttering and swearing. exciting.As long as we are together, she will stick to me, she will do whatever I do, and she will not be idle when I am studying, she will snatch my pen for a while, and come over and chatter for a while, without stopping.When I pushed her angrily, she pushed harder, and we ended up wrestling.My mother doesn't distinguish the severity of the blows, and my body is often bruised and purple, and I will beat her severely when I am angry.

When I was eight years old, something happened to my family. After many twists and turns, we, both orphans and widows, were taken in by the nursing home in Dahuashan Town, where we lived in a 13-square-meter hut provided by the nursing home.

One day during recess, a boy in the class bullied me, I quarreled with him, unexpectedly, he jumped onto the podium and said loudly: "Everyone pay attention, I will release a new news to you: our class There is a little old lady who is less than ten years old but entered a nursing home. She eats and wears the country's food and clothes for nothing. She also has a crazy mother. Look how thick-skinned this person is, she is—— Zhang Haiping!" The students roared with laughter, and I was so angry and anxious that my tears rolled down my face.At that moment, I really felt inferior and sad for having such a mother——it didn't give me warmth for a day, but it brought me endless troubles.

In 1994, I went to middle school. It was no problem to choose a middle school that was better and closer to home based on my grades, but I chose Yukou Middle School, which is the farthest from the nursing home.The reason is that as few people know my details as possible, I really don't want to be looked down upon by my classmates in the new environment.

Every day I get up very early, take my lunch at noon, and walk for more than 40 minutes to get to school. After school, I have to finish my homework in school before going home.Because of my good academic performance, hardworking and helpful people, both teachers and classmates like me very much, and I finally showed a long-lost smile.However, the waiters and old people in the yard always looked at me with slightly reproachful eyes. I knew they had something to do with my estrangement from my mother.

I was happy, but my mother seemed more and more irritable, and her temper became very bad.Compared with when we were in elementary school, we spent so little time together. Every night when she saw me, she was always very happy, bouncing up and down like a child, and wanted to stick with me. .Although I always push her away silently, there are some subtle changes in my heart, oh, so she also knows that I am back.

The winter of 1994 was extremely cold, snow fell one after another, and one evening when the winter vacation was about to start, I accidentally slipped and fell on the way home from school. When I got up, I found that the lunch box was missing. It took me a long time to find it. When I slipped back to the nursing home step by step, before I entered the gate, I saw my mother pacing up and down on the snow in the courtyard. Say to me, are you all right?You see, your mother was in a hurry and stayed in the snow for two and a half hours.I couldn't help being startled, and stood there blankly.After my mother saw me, she walked towards me excitedly as usual, and stuck to me again. This time I didn't hide, but hugged her gently.

Later, in a composition competition organized by the school, I wrote the story of my mother and I that night under the title "Mother's Watch". Except for concealing my mother's illness and some details, the rest are all my true feelings.In the end, I won the first prize. The Chinese teacher read my composition with emotion at the award ceremony. He said excitedly: "The biggest advantage of this article is that it is sincere and without any pretentiousness. We believe that Zhang Haiping must be an obedient and filial boy in normal times.” When the applause sounded, I was so ashamed that I wanted to find a crack in the ground to sneak in... Maybe it was because of the years of tempering that I gradually grew up and matured and began to appreciate the "family affection". These two words. In the early spring of 1995, one day not long after the start of the new semester, I suffered acute appendicitis at school and was sent to the hospital by my classmates. It took eight days including surgery and hospitalization. This was the first time I left Mom for so long.As soon as I got better, I eagerly asked the staff in the nursing home about my mother's situation. They comforted me and said, "Your mother is fine, you can rest assured and recuperate."

I was discharged from the hospital on March 3.The first thing I did when I got back to the nursing home was to look for my mother everywhere, but I couldn’t find her, but I found that almost all the windows in the dormitories in the nursing home were broken, and there was even blood stains on the glass shards in my windows.My heart was startled, and an ominous premonition came to my heart. I ran to the infirmary and saw my mother was lying upright on the hospital bed with thick gauze wrapped around her hands for infusion.Seeing me coming in, the medical staff at the nursing home said that my mother couldn't find me for a few days. She was so anxious that she didn't sleep for several nights. She searched all the rooms.Disappointed, he cried and smashed the glass of the nursing home with his fist.At that moment, I couldn't control my emotions anymore and called out "Mom", and lay down on her bed and wept uncontrollably.

Mother is innocent and pitiful. She has been deprived of her right to live as a normal person, but she cannot be disqualified from being a mother, and she can never sever our mother-daughter bond.

In order to make up for the guilt in my heart, I started from little things and cared for my mother.

Every morning, my mother gets up very early, but she is only six or seven years old and has a high IQ. She has not developed the habit of washing on time. , so the face always looks dirty, and the teeth are yellow.It took me 10 minutes to wash her, so I had to get up half an hour earlier.

My mother also has a strange problem. When eating, she will only move the chopsticks when someone puts the food in front of her. Otherwise, she will stare at the food motionlessly and not take the initiative to eat.I used to stay far away from her when eating in the cafeteria, but now I sit next to her.At the dinner table, I had to wipe my mother's mouth with a handkerchief again and again, and even feed her some fish or meat that she could not break down.

Before going to bed at night, I had to wash my mother’s feet. My mother was very reluctant to take off her shoes, so I had to push her on the bed and force her to take off her shoes. But when my mother stretched her feet into the basin, she became naughty like a child. My feet kept kicking water, splashing me all over.I want to learn, my mother wants to stick with me, and I have the patience to treat her. I found that if I treat her gently instead of rudely, my mother who has always been difficult will be much gentler, and sometimes even mild. Gently stroking my head, at that moment I really felt a warm current rushing through my body.

In order to have more time to take care of my mother, I transferred to Dahuashan Middle School, which is the closest to the nursing home, in the second half of the second semester of junior high school.With more time, I also have more free time to take care of my mother.Since I was a child, I have never gone out alone with my mother. I really want to go shopping with her, but I really can’t save face. No matter where I go, my mother is definitely the focus of everyone’s attention. I can’t stand the onlookers That dazzling look.However, in the end, family love overcame vanity. On a weekend afternoon, I took my mother out of the nursing home and came to the street. My mother, who had been in the nursing home for a long time, was excited like a child, looking at this, touching that , The mouth still makes a babbling sound from time to time.

When I took my mother's hand and walked among the endless crowd, I was also very nervous, my eyes were watching other people's faces, and my ears were constantly searching for other people's comments.What surprised me was that apart from attracting a lot of attention, I didn't hear the ugly words I imagined, and even heard someone say: "This child is really sensible, and she doesn't dislike her mother at all."

But not everyone treats us like this. My mother and I go back to my grandma’s house every two weeks. On the bus, no one wants to be with my mother. The crowded bus is always empty around us. Yes, at this time, I always hug my mother who is much fatter than me tightly, for fear that she will not stand still and fall.We looked at each other, and I found that my mother's dull eyes were full of affection, and happiness and nostalgia were written all over her face.

Later, my mother and I had more and more opportunities to go out, and my mentality became much calmer, and my expression became more and more natural.The 5th of every month is a happy day. On this day, the nursing home will give everyone 20 yuan of pocket money. After receiving 40 yuan, the first thing my mother and I do is to go shopping. My mother hardly likes it. For her, the hustle and bustle outside is enough. I buy all kinds of small foods and fruits, and let my mother taste everything when I go back. In the past, the 40 yuan for me and my mother was one for me. People spend, now my mother and I spend together, the money is less, but I feel very happy.

four

In 1997, I graduated from junior high school. Because I studied well, my classmates and teachers persuaded me to go to a key high school. The teaching conditions there are good, the teachers are strong, and it will be easier to enter the university in the future.But I insisted on choosing the vocational high school of Dahuashan Middle School, and became a preparatory worker who is called "as soon as I leave school, I will serve the industry".They don't understand, but I have my own considerations: going to college is my dream, after graduation I can easily find a good job with a bright future.

But I can't afford the high tuition fees. The nursing home has provided for me for so many years, and it's really unreasonable to let them support me to go to college.What's more, going to college means I have to leave my mother, and I can't bear it.

Three years of high school have passed in the blink of an eye. The results of several mock exams before the college entrance examination show that the door of the university is absolutely open to me, but my original intention has not changed. I will express my thoughts to the dean and elders of the nursing home When they came out, they were surprised but also deeply moved. Dean Wang, who almost watched me grow up, said: "Hai Ping, we all know you are a good boy, and we respect your choice. Continue to study with us. Full support, we also welcome returning to work in nursing homes. We firmly believe that Xiaoyi will go all over the world, and you can't rely on you anywhere!" After the conversation, I took my mother's hands and walked around excitedly.It’s late at night, and there are thousands of lights outside the window. When other students are still studying and preparing for the college entrance examination under the lights, I feel a kind of relaxation that I have never had before... However, my class teacher refused to agree. The respected teacher persuaded me again and again, hoping that I would put my future first. I was noncommittal but still went my own way. Finally, she said:
"I think you don't really love your mother!" After I changed my attitude towards my mother, it was the first time I heard someone say that about me. I was a little unhappy and asked back: "Why?" "If you really love your mother Mom, you should let her out of the nursing home to live a normal life of ordinary people, the outside world is big, and if you don’t go to college, it means that you may not have the opportunity to improve the environment for your mother in this life!” This sentence deeply touched me , I fell into deep thought... On July 2000, 7, I took the college entrance examination. During the three days of the exam in Beijing, I talked to my mother on the phone every night. Only after hearing her voice, I could fall asleep peacefully .In the days of waiting for the list to be released, I was even more worried and happy. The worry was that being admitted to university meant that I would have to leave my mother’s life. The joy was that only when I was admitted to university and walked out of the nursing home would my mother, who had been suffering all her life, enjoy happiness. Life.

When I was admitted to the School of Chemical Engineering of Beijing Union University with a score of 494, the entire nursing home was jubilant, and I also shed tears, for myself and my mother, and cared more for the people who loved me.

Now, I have successfully entered the university. I miss my mother, but I think more about responsibility, and how to use my actions to repay the heavy maternal love and the deeper love of society.

(Zhang Haiping)

(End of this chapter)