There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 2 A Bag of Parental Hearts
never give up love

There are many things that a person needs to give up in his life, but there is one thing that can never be given up, that is, the sincere and pure love of the world from parents to children, and from children to parents...

This sack is not filled with steamed buns, it is clearly a bag of fresh hearts, a bag of parents' hearts!

this is a true story!It made my once evil heart tremble—that year, I served my sentence in a labor camp in southern Henan.Once a prisoner from Taikang was sent. When he saw that other people’s family members came to visit every now and then, he was very envious, so he wrote letters to his family one after another, asking for a few yuan of "reform through labor" every month. Used to buy envelopes and stamps.However, more than half a year passed, and no one at home came to see him.In the end, he finally became anxious and sent a "letter of renunciation" to his family.

His parents were just him, and they had actually wanted to see him for a long time, because the family was too poor—they couldn’t even borrow tens of yuan for travel expenses.When they received the "letter of severance" from their baby, the old couple couldn't sit still any longer, and after careful consideration and preparation, they decided to visit their son.

They got out their own cart and carefully checked the tires for leaks.Feeling that there was no major problem, I spread the only newer quilt at home on the car, and then set off for the labor camp.On the road, the old couple always kept one pulling the cart and the other resting in the cart. Whoever gets tired rests, but the cart cannot stop.His father couldn't bear to make his mother tired, so he buried himself in pulling the cart, and was rushed, so he changed shifts and took a rest.Because of the long walk, his father's shoes quickly wore out.They didn't expect such an accident at the beginning.When his mother picked up the thorns on his father's feet, she shook her head angrily and sighed uncontrollably.But the road still had to be rushed. From early morning to night, until it was too dark to see clearly, I found a stick to tie the car, and the two of them slept in the wild for a while.When it was just dawn, they started to rush again... In this way, they traveled for more than 100 miles, and they walked for three days and two nights before arriving.

Labor reform farms are different from prisons. There, it has long been common for a prisoner's relatives to visit and a circle of prisoners to watch the situation.So when the relatives of Taikang prisoners came to visit, I was there with many other prisoners.

That day, when we learned that the old couple came to visit their son from their hometown hundreds of miles away on foot, everyone present was shocked!Especially seeing the black toes protruding from the worn-out shoes, the onlookers were in tears, and even the correctional officers turned their heads away and wiped their eyes vigorously.At this time, only a "plop" was heard, and the Taikang prisoner knelt down heavily in front of his parents!
Seeing this scene, we sincerely stepped forward to pull him, but no matter what, he just knelt down and couldn't afford it.The correctional cadre said: "Don't pull him, let him kneel, he should kneel!" After finishing speaking, leaving Taikang prisoner behind, he dragged the two old people into the cadre cafeteria and ordered him to cook. The master quickly made some noodle soup.After a while, two full bowls of noodle soup were served.It seemed that the old couple were really hungry, and they didn't give way too much, and they didn't sit on the chairs. They squatted on the spot and started eating.He devoured all the noodles, and there was not even a little soup left, and he was sweating profusely after eating.

After eating, the correctional cadres came again with a handful of change in their hands: "Master and Madam, this is 120 yuan put together by several of our cadres. The money is not much, and it is our kindness." But anyway, they Even if they don’t accept it, they keep saying, “This is troublesome enough, how can I ask for your money?”

The aunt turned around and said to her son who was still kneeling on the ground: "Son, you must reform yourself here. When the wheat is harvested next year, your father and I will come to see you..."

His father stepped back far away, scribbling on the ground with a wooden stick with hands that had been sanded.

Originally, family visits usually only lasted half an hour, but the correctional cadres felt that it was not easy for the old couple to visit once, so they tried to relax the time as much as possible.In the end, they looked at the baby silently for a long time before reluctantly going on the road.Before leaving, he struggled to drag a large sack from the cart.It is said that the baby is working here for reformation. I am afraid that he will not have enough to eat, so I will leave some food for my son to eat slowly when he is hungry... Looking at the back of the old man walking away, the Taikang prisoner is still on the ground Kneeling, face full of tears.I felt sour for a while, and at the same time wondered, what is such a big bag of food for?Since they brought food, why are they so hungry?It happened that two prisoners who were also Taikang stepped forward to help pick up the sack.One of them accidentally missed the tie of the sack with his hand, and the sack fell to the ground with a "bang".All of a sudden, a bunch of round things bounced and rolled all over the ground!I took a closer look, and there were hundreds of steamed buns rolling all over the floor!Big ones, small ones, round ones, flat ones, none of them were heavy—obviously, they didn’t come from the same cage, and these steamed buns had been half-dried.Seeing this, my face seemed to be slapped severely, it was so hot and painful!I, who used to be known as "iron-blooded and stone-hearted" on the "Tao", could no longer control my emotions in an instant.

Right next to the Taikang prisoner, I also knelt down with a "plop".This move seemed to be contagious, just hearing "plop plop plop", all the prisoners present also knelt down in unison!

I can't imagine the scene of the old couple walking hundreds of miles to see their son.I can't even imagine how the old couple begged for so many steamed buns from door to door!What hurts my heart the most is that they are afraid that my son will not be able to finish eating for a while, so they pull the cart alone and dry the steamed buns on the cart... In fact, how do they know the amount of food in the labor camp? It weighs one catty... This sack is not filled with steamed buns, it is clearly a bag of fresh hearts, a bag of parents' hearts!It stings my eyes, and it stings my soul!At this time, a heart-piercing scream came from my ear: "Father, mother, I will change!" That was the only thing Taikang prisoner said when his parents came to visit him, those four short words It resounded through the sky and hit my heart hard. (Yang Xiaohai)
far brother recent love

Big Brother, I called him in my heart, and the tears flowed down like that disobediently.

The eldest brother's position in our family is very embarrassing.We are half-brothers, and I didn't know I had an older brother until I was ten years old, when a knock on the door stopped dinner at my house that day.

A boy of seventeen or eighteen came in.He was wearing extremely short trousers, which made his body longer because they were short, and his jacket was also short, just covering his belt.My sister and I turned to look at him. His feet were together, and there was dirt on his green rubber shoes.When his father saw him, he immediately stood up: Xiaoqiang?dad.He opened his mouth.My sister and I stared wide-eyed, Dad?
My sister started crying, why do you call our dad daddy?My eyes stared at him too, as if something precious about me had been shared.

It was an extremely memorable night, with the muffled, depressing sound of our parents' quarrel, which we heard despite their efforts to keep it quiet.

Isn't it divorced?That's still involved!

Isn't this a special case?She is terminally ill, I can't leave the child alone! '

Then you go take care of their wives!

Things are not as you imagined... Dad divorced?My sister and I were terrified in the crib. The boy living next door, a boy in old clothes, is he Dad's son?

Later, I slowly figured out that Xiaoqiang is our half-brother. Twenty years ago, my father was an educated youth in that village, a girl fell in love with him, and they got married.Soon, her father went to college in the city, and she filed for divorce.The father covered his head and burst into tears. He naturally knew why she asked for a divorce. For the sake of his father's future, the woman filed for divorce.

My father didn't know she was pregnant at the time, and a few years later he occasionally heard that she had a child, and he took care of the child alone.Father went back to Heilongjiang, and he saw his eldest brother, who was carved out of the same mold as him.

The father cried loudly while hugging the child. He was married again at that time, and his wife was my mother, a child of a high-ranking official.Soon, I had me, and after two years, I had a younger sister.

That boy left wearing new clothes.Father asked us to call him big brother, but we never called him a word. In our hearts, we didn't recognize him. Besides, his arrival made mother very unhappy.

He took away 1 yuan from the family.Mother and father had a big quarrel, saying that this day can't be passed, and the family is raising two families.We also especially hate the boy who came in the rain, he broke the peace of our house, I don't want to see him again.

Of course, I don't recognize him as my eldest brother either.

I saw him again ten years later. I was a sophomore in Beijing. He was almost 30 years old. He came again. This time, he brought a lot of cornmeal, red dates, red beans, millet, etc. something came.

Things were piled up on the ground, and there were too many, and there was a three or four-year-old child.

Call Grandpa, he said.

Called uncle.He pointed at me.

Sister-in-law, I'm talking about the younger sister who is in the third year of high school.

Everyone is indifferent.he has married.Laid off.His mother died five years ago.His wife is a girl in the village who works in a beauty salon. It costs three yuan for a haircut, but she doesn't make much money.

"A few years ago, there was a flood at home, and the house was washed away..." He wanted to continue, but was interrupted by his mother, asking for money? 1 yuan?What a day!
His face was awkward, no, no.He explained, his face was a little red, and he was embarrassed, he didn't know how to express it.The older sister pulled his son and said, come on, let my little aunt take a look, and then she was relieved.His son looks like him, very cute.Looks like him, of course like his father.The father took the hand of the little grandson and said, I am old and old.

He came this time because he wanted his father to help him start a small business in Beijing. He said that some people in the village made a fortune opening snack bars in Beijing.My father bowed his head and thought for a while and said let me think about it.

The eldest brother started a small business in this way.He opened a snack bar near Muxidi, brought his wife and children here, and worked day and night, serving authentic Northeast dishes.When he spent tens of thousands of dollars to take down the store, he happily invited us to dinner.Everyone didn't give him face, thinking that he didn't have much money, so he could go to a good place to eat.The mother even said that it is better to have less contact with such people because they are ignorant and uneducated.

But he didn't care, he still came and brought us the prepared Northeast dishes.Those dishes are eaten by no one except my father. My father joined the queue in the Northeast, and he loves to eat Northeast dishes. Northeast stews, pig dishes, pork stewed vermicelli... He did a good job, and my father would say if he couldn't eat it after a while , Your eldest brother is not here, is he?We don't speak.In our hearts, no one treats him as a big brother, only his father treats him well.My father gave him money secretly. I know this. Once my father sent him out, and I went out too.Father sighed and said, alas.

He was too real, so he fell for it.The restaurant was eager to transfer it to him at a low price because it was going to be demolished, and he let it be demolished within a few months of doing it. He didn't make much money, but lost money instead.Later, when I went to see my classmate off at the station, I saw him start pedaling three rounds again to pull out the goods from the station. He was shirtless and very capable.

I watched him for a long time, and found myself a little sad... At this time, I had already applied for a full scholarship to a university in the United States, and he was still running around for a living.

My younger sister is also going to study abroad. It was the school my mother contacted her. The house was empty all of a sudden, and my father’s health was getting worse and worse. He had diabetes and high blood pressure, and my mother’s heart also had premature beats. How could I leave with peace of mind? Woolen cloth?

Father said, let's go, and your elder brother.

The mother yelled, forget it, he came, didn't he set his sights on this family business?Stop associating with poor relatives.

Poor relatives?Father got angry, he is my son!
Before I left, I went to find him. It was the first time I went to his house. It was a small bungalow that couldn't be more simple. There was a stove, and because of the cold, ice formed on the glass.He saw me and said in disbelief, Xiaobin?Come in quickly, said while holding my hand, there are guests in the room, he proudly said, my brother is going to study in the United States, isn’t it great?
At that moment, I felt a little sour in my heart.He frantically washed fruit and poured tea for me, his hands trembling a little, the tempering of life made him look older than his actual age.

I'm leaving, Dad...don't worry about it, leave it to me.

And my mother—I'm worried that he will hate my mother, and my mother's health is getting worse and worse.

Leave it to me. Dad’s relatives are my relatives. Don’t worry about studying. Our old Chen’s family has a student studying abroad. My brother said that his ancestors are glorious.

This time, I really didn't hold on, I yelled, big brother—he hugged me tightly in his arms, brother, I have been waiting for this sentence for almost 20 years!

three

A few years later I went back to China to visit relatives.

What surprised me was the drastic change at home.It was my eldest brother who drove a second-hand Xiali to the airport to pick me up. He opened a restaurant and made money within a few years.

Our mother insisted on buying it, and she added money.

I was even more surprised. When I got home, I found that my little nephew was having fun with my mother, and my sister-in-law was busy cooking in the kitchen.My mother looks happy, and my father looks good too. How did this change?
It turned out that after I left, my mother had a car accident, her legs and waist were damaged, and the whole house was in chaos.The mother couldn't turn over at all, the elder sister-in-law was meticulous about everything, and she moved her mother by taking shit and urinating, and the elder brother ran here every two days, doing everything inside and out.After the mother recovered from her illness, she gave an order: Qianli moved back home, and I recognized my son and daughter-in-law!

She personally came forward to find a place for her eldest brother to open a restaurant. Of course, she also provided the start-up funds so that her eldest brother's children can go to the best elementary school.

This is an ending that I didn't expect, and it's also what my father didn't expect.Of course, there is another key person, and that is the eldest brother.

Before leaving, I asked my elder brother to go out for dinner, and I said, thank you elder brother.

The eldest brother gave me a slap and said, I want to beat you up, and the family speaks two different words?Finish my Ph.D. for me soon, and spend a good time in the United States. My parents will leave it to me, so don't worry.

When I was leaving, my eldest brother handed me a paper bag, which was 1 yuan.I pushed and pushed.The eldest brother said, don't see me outside, after so many years of calling the eldest brother, he should spend his money, and if he spends it, he will be happy.Brother has no relatives, you are my relatives!

I cried again.The eldest brother scolded me and said, don't cry, unlike my brother, he said and walked out waving his hands.

I looked at his back, the big brother who was almost 40 years old, he was just showing the fatness of a middle-aged man, he shrugged and shrugged when he walked, it was ugly, his shoulders went up and down, and his hands wiped his face. .

Big Brother, I called him in my heart, and the tears flowed down like that disobediently.

(twig lotus)

(End of this chapter)