There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 3 Sister, Eternal Regret
I looked back and saw that there were unspeakable tears in each pair of eyes, as if saying: Sister, our good sister!
In 1982, I put on the solemn and neat military uniform, and I walked into the university.In this military camp-style university dormitory, when this superior environment of study and life is about to begin, I, a tall man, can't help but let my tears roll down line by line.I thought of my sister.There is only one sister in our family.She is the smallest, the second to last, and the other four are all boys.My father is over fifty years old, and my mother suffers from intermittent mental illness.In our small mountain village that has not yet become rich, our family is undoubtedly among the poor.

There are five of us, brothers and sisters, all of whom are diligent students.And our impoverished family is indeed unable to support the study expenses of five people!What's more, my mother still fell ill from time to time... my younger sister dropped out of school after only reaching the fourth grade of elementary school.She quietly left school to help her parents at home.And let the four boys continue to study.What supports our family and the diligence and hard work of our brothers?At that time, we used to think that it was the eyes of our father who were getting older, but more and more loving and vicissitudes; it was the fighting spirit and perseverance of our brothers who encouraged each other and succumbed to poverty.

Finally, the eldest brother was admitted to university, and a year later, the second brother will enter the gate of colleges and universities.

This, in our poor mountain village, especially our poor family, is such a great joy, it is not easy!The second brother is going on the road today.My sister and I went to see my second brother off. When I let go of the hand I raised when I said goodbye to my second brother, I suddenly felt that my sister who grew up in poverty was so thin!

I am also in high school.Only then did I know how difficult it was for my elder brother and second brother to live and study away from home.I am one of the poorest students in the class, and I often don't have enough to eat, let alone what to eat.Sometimes, when I was really hungry, I spent two cents to get a bottle of boiled water in the water room, soaked in coarse grains and swallowed desperately.In those days, the only thing I hoped for was to see my sister on the muddy road in front of the school.

My younger sister has almost become the backbone of our family.At the age of 12, she began to go to the mountains to collect firewood.Fifty or sixty catties of dry firewood can be picked up each time, and the local price is one yuan.However, what we depend on is this one yuan, which is exchanged for the oil and salt of our family and the cost of our brother's education.The middle school in the county seat is more than 100 miles away from home.In order to save the fare, every time my sister came to deliver rice, food, or money to me, she walked and walked back.

And every time I handed it to me, it was always rice stained with her warm sweat, several jars of self-preserved pickles, and crumpled banknotes—sometimes fifty cents, sometimes one piece, never more than two yuan of.

But, for me, what a fortune that should be!And for my sister, how much blood and sweat has accumulated!
In the high school in the county seat, I studied for three years.My sister gave it to me for three years!Every time, she always stood at the gate, handed the things to me, and then took a heavy breath, then looked blankly at the direction of the classroom and the playground, then turned around silently and walked back.I know that my younger sister also wants to study, but our family is really poor and there is really no way!At that time, I thought that the greatest repayment I could make to my parents, my sister, and our family was to study hard.Even though I'm often hungry, even though I've never been proud of owning a single good item.But I am proud of what I have learned, and of my excellent grades.Once, when my sister came to deliver rice, she told me that many girls in the village had gone to the city.Some go to work, and some go to work as nannies for others.

"Brother, do you remember our neighbor Alan? Brother, she also went to the county seat. It's only been two months. She went home and wore a few new clothes. I heard that they were given by the owner. Give me the money, and Alan also said to introduce me to a family, and also to be a nanny. Brother..." I understood what my sister meant.However, once she leaves, who will do what the family says?Who will take care of the parents?And who will take care of my younger brother who is in primary school?

The younger sister, who had been silent for a long time, silently lowered her head. "Brother, I know..." After speaking, she went back silently the way she had come.Looking at her thin back, I felt bitter at the time, sister, you are the pillar of our family!

During the slack season, we went home on vacation, but my sister went out a day earlier than us.It is said that she went with a group of men and strong women in the village.She left a message saying: brother, you all need money for your studies, and there is not much work at home in the field during this time, and we brothers can do it; household.Those of us who are older brothers were silent after hearing this.We worked desperately to do the work she left us, wishing we could finish a year's work in one day, and we even more wished we could finish reading all the books for several years in one day!My younger sister bravely "traveled around" with the adults, and even our brothers who were away from home were surprised to hear that she had been to Beijing, Tianjin, Wuhan and other big cities in order to do cool work!She has done digging, planting trees, harvesting wheat and rice.My sister once wrote me a letter in her crooked handwriting with many mistakes and omissions.She said that she didn't send me much money this time because she didn't agree on the conditions before working for the forest farm owner. As a result, she suffered a disadvantage when she paid the bill: she worked for three months, planting trees, digging soil, weeding, etc. Do it all, and in the end you only have seventy cents a day!She took some of her food and housing, and now she only has 15 yuan, and she sent it all to me... She told me to read good books, definitely!After reading the book, I will no longer be easily deceived, and after reading the book, I don’t have to go out to buy coolies so desolately... When I received the 15 yuan that was soaked in sweat and bitterness, I distributed it to my younger brother and elder brother At that time, I really wanted to cry with a thick face-our sister!
During the summer vacation of that year, when the elder brother came home from college, he brought a small gift to his younger sister for the first time: a small bottle of cheap toilet water.How many times has my sister generously donated all her hard-earned money to us without reservation, but this tiny gift from my brother made her flushed with excitement and her eyes wet.She didn't know how to say polite words, she just smiled and smiled at her eldest brother, put the bottle to her nose and sniffed it again and again.Let us brothers rejoice in her joy.At that time, I impulsively said to myself: Sister, next time I come back, I will buy you a bottle of face oil no matter what!I spent my first semester in college.

When our brother returned from the modern urban university to the warm home in the barren mountain village, our venerable and lovely sister drifted away from home to work again... The cold night wind blew through the window one after another, Although our family is very poor, how can we not feel the warmth of home when the whole family sits around the blazing fire.However, without my sister, we were silent for a long time.Finally, the eldest brother finally raised his head and told us that according to the traditional Chinese consciousness, the elder brother has the obligation to raise his younger siblings, but in our family, it is the younger sister—our weak younger sister who sacrificed all of her childhood and youth for us Brother's future... Eldest brother can't continue talking, and I can't listen anymore.I hurriedly stood up and rushed into my sister's dilapidated hut.I took out the bottle of face oil and placed it gently next to the pillow on my sister's bed.Then I heard footsteps behind me.Both elder brother and younger brother flocked to the hut together.I looked back and saw that there were unspeakable tears in each pair of eyes, as if saying: Sister, our good sister!
(Wang Jun)
(End of this chapter)