There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 4 The person I am most grateful for in my life
I couldn't stop crying when I should be the happiest.

My home is in a remote mountain village, and my parents are farmers facing the loess and back to the sky.I have a brother who is three years younger than me.Once I secretly took fifty cents from my father's drawer in order to buy flower handkerchiefs that all the girls had.My father found out that the money was missing that day, so he made us kneel by the wall, holding a bamboo pole, and asked us to admit who stole it.I was so frightened by the scene at that time that I lowered my head and dared not speak.My father refused to admit it when he saw us, saying that the two were beaten together.After speaking, he raised the bamboo pole in his hand, and suddenly the younger brother grabbed his father's hand and said loudly, Dad, I stole it, not my sister, hit me!The bamboo pole in the father's hand fell mercilessly on the younger brother's back and shoulders. The father was so out of breath that he sat on the kang and cursed: "You know how to steal from the family now, and you will have to pay back when you grow up." ? I'll beat you to death for not living up to it."

That night, my mother and I hugged my younger brother who was covered in bruises, and my younger brother didn't shed a single tear.

In the middle of the night, I suddenly burst into tears. My younger brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, Sister, don’t cry, I’m done with the beating anyway.

I have always hated myself for not having the courage to admit it at the time. After many years, I still remember the way my brother blocked the bamboo pole for me.That year, my brother was eight years old and I was 11 years old.

When my younger brother graduated from middle school, he was admitted to a key high school in the county.At the same time, I also received the admission notice from the provincial capital university.That night, my father was squatting in the yard, smoking bag after bag of dry tobacco, still muttering, the two children are so competitive, really competitive.Mother secretly wiped her tears and said, "What's the use of striving for success? How can I offer it?"The younger brother walked up to his father and said, Dad, I don’t want to miss it anymore, I’ve read enough anyway.

The father slapped his younger brother on the face and said, why are you so worthless?Even if I want to sell everything I want, I will confess the two of you sisters.After speaking, he turned around and went out to borrow money from house to house.I stroked my younger brother's red and swollen face and said, "You have to keep reading. If a boy doesn't study, he won't be able to get out of this poor mountain valley for the rest of his life."My brother looked at me and nodded.At that time, I had already decided to give up the opportunity to go to school.

Unexpectedly, before dawn the next day, my younger brother sneaked away with a few ragged clothes and a few dry steamed buns, and left a note beside my pillow: Sister, don’t worry, it’s not easy to get into college. Go out and work for you.younger brother.

Holding the note, I lay down on the kang, weeping bitterly.That year, my brother was 17 years old and I was 20 years old.

With the money my father borrowed all over the village and the money my brother earned from moving cement at the construction site, I finally got to the third year of college.One day I was reading a book in the dormitory, and a classmate ran in and called me, Meizi, a fellow villager is looking for you.

How could a fellow villager look for me?I went out and saw my younger brother in the distance, waiting for me in work clothes covered in cement and sand.I said, why did you tell my classmates that you are from my hometown?
He smiled and said, "Look at the way I'm dressed. If you say it's your younger brother, your classmates don't laugh at you?"
As soon as my nose was sore, tears fell.I patted the dust off my younger brother, choked up and said that you are my younger brother, no matter how you dress in this life, I am not afraid of being laughed at by others.

He carefully took out a butterfly hairpin wrapped in a handkerchief from his pocket, measured it on my head, and said, I think all the girls in the city wear this, so I will buy one for you.I couldn't hold back anymore, and cried while hugging my brother on the street.That year, my brother was 20 years old and I was 23 years old.

The first time I took my boyfriend home, I saw that the glass that had been missing for many years was installed, and the house was also kept spotless.After my boyfriend left, I acted like a baby to my mother, and I said, Mom, why did you keep the house so clean?My mother is old, and her face looks like a chrysanthemum when she smiles, saying that it was your brother who came back early to clean it up. Do you see the cut on his hand?It was scratched by Ann Glass.

I went into my brother's hut, and seeing his face getting thinner and thinner, I felt very sad.He still smiled and said, the first time you brought a friend home, you are still a college student in the city, so you can't let others laugh at our family.

I applied medicine to his wound and asked him, does it hurt?

He said it didn't hurt.I was on the construction site, my feet were so swollen from the stone that I couldn't wear my shoes, and I was still working... I shut my mouth in the middle of talking.

I turned my face away and cried out.That year, my brother was 23 years old and I was 26 years old.

After I got married, I lived in the city. Several times my husband and I wanted to bring my parents to live with me, but they refused, saying that I would not know what to do if I left the village.The younger brother also disagreed, saying, sister, you can take care of your brother-in-law's parents wholeheartedly, our parents have me.

My husband was promoted to the director of the factory, and I discussed with him to transfer my younger brother to manage the maintenance department. Unexpectedly, my younger brother refused and insisted on becoming a repairman.

Once my younger brother climbed a ladder to repair the wires, and was shocked and admitted to the hospital.My husband and I went to see him.I caressed his leg in a plaster cast and complained to him, I made you a cadre a long time ago and you quit, now that you have fallen like this, if you don’t become a worker, can you be allowed to do that job?

He said with a serious face, why don't you think about my brother-in-law?He just came up, and I was uneducated, so I became an official directly. How did it affect him?

My husband was so moved that tears filled his eyes, and I cried too and said, brother, your lack of education is all because of your sister.He took my hand and said, it's all over, why mention it?
That year, my brother was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.

My younger brother married a dutiful rural girl when he was 30 years old.At the wedding, the host asked him, who is your most beloved person, and he answered without thinking, my sister.

My brother told a story that I can’t even remember: When I was in elementary school, the school was in a neighboring village, and my sister and I had to walk for an hour to get home every day.One day, I lost one of my gloves, and my sister gave me one of hers, and she walked so far with only one glove.After returning home, my sister's hand was too cold to hold the chopsticks.From then on, I swore that I would treat my sister well in my life.

There was applause from the audience, and the guests all turned their eyes to me.

I said, the person I am most grateful for in my life is my brother.I couldn't stop crying when I should be the happiest.

never give up love

At the last moment of his life, that strong father gave his daughter a precious gift, allowing her to understand the true meaning of life.

That was a few years ago, when I was working as a doctor in a hospital.The 26th bed I was in charge of was an engineer surnamed Zhang. On his bed number card it was written: Liver cancer, advanced stage.I didn't pay too much attention to him, because I knew that all my efforts were in vain, and there were more patients who needed me to relieve their pain and restore their health.

Half a month later, when I performed ascites puncture for Mr. Zhang, I found that the ascites was bloody.After the puncture, I hinted that Zhang Gong's wife came to the office with me.I told her in the usual calm tone of a doctor:
"Generally, the survival period of patients with bloody ascites will not exceed two months. Please be prepared." Zhang Gong's wife was stunned for a while, and then cried and begged me, hoping that I would help Zhang Gong survive anyway. After July [-]th, because their only daughter will take the college entrance examination this year.I looked at her sympathetically and promised to do my best.

However, Zhang Gong's condition continued to deteriorate. The persistent cancerous pain and the unbearable fullness caused by the increasing ascites made Zhang Gong, who was already out of shape, moan loudly.Zhang Gong's wife came to me every two days: "Doctor Chu, give Lao Zhang ascites, I can't bear to see him like that."

One day, when Mr. Zhang’s wife came to see me for the fifth time, I had no choice but to tell her the truth: “As Mr. Zhang is currently in condition, frequent ascites will only speed up his death.” Mr. Zhang’s wife She was silent for a while, and finally said a word in a low voice: "Then stop smoking." Then, she turned around, bent her body, and walked towards the ward.I stared at that haggard and silent figure, until that moment, I didn't really realize how deep sorrow I endured in her thin body!

After that, Mr. Zhang's wife never asked me to pump Mr. Zhang's ascites, and even Mr. Zhang's moans lessened.However, one day, the nurse Xiaomei said to me: "Today I changed the sheets of bed 26, and found that he had torn off a large piece of the mattress on bed 26."

In our silent prayers, Zhang Gong finally survived until July [-]th.That day, I happened to be off work.At the entrance of the hospital, as I was about to go out, I met Zhang Gong's daughter who had passed the last class.She told me happily: "Sister Lan Xin, I have finished the exam, and I did well in the exam, and my father's illness will be cured." She was jumping up and down anxiously to run to tell her father the good news.I stood there, my throat tightened suddenly for some reason, my heart was extremely sad, and a hint of ominous premonition gripped me deeply.I turned around and walked quickly to the ward.Standing at the door of the ward, I clearly saw that Zhang Gong's cloudy eyes became brighter, and a drop of clear tears flowed from the corner of his wrinkled eyes. up.

At midnight that day, Mr. Zhang fell into a coma again. The doctor on duty and I, who had been guarding the ward uncomfortably, rescued him immediately. We tried our best.Three days later, Zhang Gong finally gave up his last struggle and passed away forever... 26 beds were empty, and I have no news about the mother and daughter, but I believe they will live well.

At the last moment of his life, that strong father gave his daughter a precious gift, allowing her to understand the true meaning of life.

(Chu Lanxin)

(End of this chapter)