There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 38

When spring comes, you can reunite with your mother, and your mother's body will get better every day like the weather.

But all this has become an eternal dream.

"I will go to Beijing when the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming." This is what my mother said repeatedly on the phone, but before spring, my mother left me forever.

This winter is extremely cold. I don't know whether it is the severe cold weather that caused my mother to leave suddenly, or the mother's departure made me feel colder inside;

When my mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer last year, and the whole family was looking for doctors and medicines everywhere, my mother quietly asked the doctor: "Is there any hope for my disease? If there is no hope, I will not treat it." Faced with the doctor's puzzled expression, the mother said very calmly: "I don't want to drag my children down and let them lose their wealth in the end."

With my persistence, I finally brought my mother to Beijing from her hometown in Northeast China.As soon as her condition was brought under control, her mother was rushed out of the hospital and insisted on returning to the northeast.I thought my mother couldn't bear the pain of radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but my father told me: "Your mother thinks that the consumption in Beijing is too high, everything is expensive, and I am afraid that you will be burdened too much.

I also don't want you to go to the hospital every day and affect your work. "

I miss my mother's illness, and every time I call, my mother comforts me: "I'm fine, don't worry. Take care of yourself and don't let mom miss you. I will definitely go to Beijing when the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming."

The warmth of spring and the blossoming of flowers have become a longing in my heart.In my mind, when spring comes, I can reunite with my mother, and my mother's body will get better every day like the weather.But all this has become an eternal dream.

My mother has been a teacher all her life and was once rated as a municipal model worker.In the 70s and [-]s, under the education policy at that time, the school once divided students into many "majors" with the characteristics of the times.

Students with good academic performance on weekdays and some students with "relationships" and "paths" all went to the "Red Medical Class" and "Literary Class". ".My mother volunteered to be the head teacher of the "carpentry class".In those days, my mother wore the stars and wore the moon, left early and returned late, and visited home on Saturdays, and established a deep relationship with the students. More than 20 years later, when my mother was 60 years old, these middle-aged men gathered spontaneously with their wives and children, invited their mother to the best local hotel, and respectfully greeted the gray-haired teacher. Salute, and then introduce your current work and family one by one.What's interesting is that none of them are carpenters, but quite a few of them have become factory directors and managers.That day, my mother was as happy as a child, and when she got home, she kept saying, "It's been so many years, and they haven't forgotten me."

I have studied and worked at Peking University for ten years, and this has always been a pride of my mother.A mother who has been a teacher all her life, she always thinks it is an honor to be a teacher at Peking University. At the end of the 80s, due to various reasons, I left Peking University, and my mother regretted it.Another ten years have passed in a blink of an eye. During these ten years, I have successively served as the general manager of a joint venture company, the vice president of a state-owned enterprise group, and the chief representative of an overseas consortium in China, but my mother always thought that these were not as good as being a teacher at Peking University.I once said half-jokingly: "If I still teach at Peking University, I might still live in Tongzilou and eat in the cafeteria." But my mother shook her head and said, "These are not important." In her mind, money is not important.

Due to work, I travel a lot.Every time I show some photos taken abroad and in other places to my mother, my mother can't put it down, and she must wear reading glasses to look carefully one by one.Once, my mother looked at the photos of me on the seashore in Japan, and said to me with regret: "Your mother has never seen the sea in her life." I said, "It's not easy. I will take you to see the sea in the future." .” Now my mother is gone, but I have not been able to make her wish come true.When my mother was here, I always felt that the future would be long, but now I really understand what it means to regret.

On January 1, the temperature in Changchun reached minus 13cC.Originally, it was only planned to hold a simple farewell ceremony, but unexpectedly the biggest farewell hall was full of people who came to see their mother off.Some of them even took a long-distance bus for more than ten hours in the severe cold.There was a long queue in the convoy to see us off, and the driver of the hearse couldn’t help asking me, “What kind of official is your mother?” I said, “She’s never been an official, she’s a teacher.” The hearse drove very smoothly that day , as if afraid of disturbing the sleeping mother.

My mother was not yet 63 years old when she passed away, which should be considered young from the point of view of modern medicine, which made me feel very sad.The only consolation is that my mother stepped into the 21st century with me, and she saw the dawn of the new century with her own eyes.

"In the past, the snow was like flowers, but now the flowers are like snow." Now the streets of Beijing are full of blooming spring flowers. In the warm spring, I cleaned the room and waited quietly for my mother to come home.

(Tan Jun)
(End of this chapter)