i hate i love you

Chapter 48 Uncover the long-standing secret

Chapter 45 Unveil the long-standing secret

After the hospital tried their best to rescue him, finally... temporarily saved Xing Yu's life, but only temporarily.

Various factors have caused Xing Yu's cerebral cortex to be seriously damaged. She is now in an "irreversible" deep coma and loses consciousness. However, the subcortical center can maintain spontaneous breathing and heartbeat.

In other words, Xing Yu didn't know when he would wake up, maybe, he would never wake up again.

However, this is not the end yet, because Xing Yu has not passed the dangerous period yet, and it is up to her whether she can survive the difficulties.

……

Xing Kai sat in front of the hospital bed, looking at her pale face covered with wounds, her beautiful hair no longer existed, the oxygen tube was sent into her small nostril, the needle tube was inserted in the back of her hand, her two legs reached her left Thick plaster was cast on her arms, and various instruments were ticking in the ward... She must be very uncomfortable.

He lightly attached Xing Yu's thin fingers, which were warm, and said nothing, as long as he was alive.

"Didn't you let me read your diary?" Xing Kai held up the diary, calmed down his emotions, and pretended to be complacent, and smiled brightly: "You never dreamed that the diary would automatically go to my hand, did you? Let me wake up and grab it, hehe... But since you are slow to move, I will give you 10 minutes to think about it, do you hear me? The countdown has begun..."

As he said that, he restrained his smile and looked at the wall clock. Ten minutes had passed in a blink of an eye.

Xing Kai breathed a sigh of relief in frustration, and opened the broken and incomplete diary. This will be thankful for her stubbornness. She insisted on pretending that she would be blind one day, so she used blind writing to write the diary. The font is large enough, and the missing content is relatively small.

"Looking at your diary openly, cut it, beat me if you don't accept it..." Xing Kai rubbed his nose, and turned to the page he was most interested in but never finished...

1996 7 Month 15 Day:
It can be said that today is a turning point in my life. On this day, at this moment of heavy rain, I am destined to go on the road I must go in the future...Xing Kai threw away my favorite white sneakers...I feel so sad that I want to die . (Xing Kai’s sneak peek is here, and the diary expresses a lot of her nostalgia for her parents.)
And then, directly to, August 8th—

Xing Kai did something unexpected to me.It's been nearly a month since he rummaged through the dump for white sneakers in the heavy rain that day.Today, he actually bought another pair of white sneakers of a similar style to comfort me, and even made up a set of almost illogical stories to make me happy...

Since I was a child, I have not received any attention from any aspect, even from my parents. It seems that I am a superfluous existence, too much to be cherished like dust, and no one cares whether this dust has emotions.

However, when I was confused about the value of survival, a big boy named Xing Kai stepped forward with a sincere apology, not only begging for my forgiveness, but also feeling guilty because of my sadness, how could I Blame him again?

I must admit that I was deeply moved. No one has ever been so kind to me, and no one has ever truly repaired the mistakes that have been made.Of course, like most of them, he also promised some unrealistic things.So I didn't take it seriously either.But I really didn't expect that he didn't forget his promise. Even if he couldn't find the white sneakers, he would try his best to get a pair of similar ones and return them to me.

Promises are the last thing I believe in.

His actions, maybe he just held a guilty conscience, maybe he quickly forgot to remember;

But for me, it means a lot, big enough to conquer me completely.

Therefore, for him, I am willing to let go of all resentments and live my life happily.

……

In a word, no matter what he will become in the future, starting from today - Xing Kai is the only man in my An Yao's life, and I have already recognized him.

I will do my best to take care of him and care for him in my own way.However, I will not let him know this feeling.If, just saying if, one day he will fall in love with me, I will turn around and leave.

Because... Every time I think of the scene where my parents were lying in the morgue, I have to admit my humbleness.They are so selfish, don't they not love each other?How can you go back and forth... But that kind of selfishness is understandable.It's just that I can't face it.

Thinking of my parents, my tears are always flowing, and only I know that this cowardly girl is the real me.

1996 9 Month 25 Day:
Xing Kai likes a girl in the same class, her name is Feng Qianxi.I knew that this girl was the type he liked, so I took the initiative to greet Feng Xixi and help him create a chance to get close to that girl.When I saw him forgetting the agreement on the score line and pursuing that girl frantically, more than half of my suspended heart finally fell to the ground.As long as he doesn't focus on me, I'm relieved.

1996 10 Month 3 Day:
Xing Kai asked Feng Xixi, Yang Ming and I to go to the movies. I will never forget this day.Xing Kai held my hand in the dark theater. Although his current girlfriend was sitting beside me, my heart was beating so fast that he almost noticed something strange.However, I also developed a deep sense of guilt, because I have been working hard to create a habitat for him, and when he is tired, let him know that there is a woman, as long as this woman is alive, he can do whatever he wants Come and go.

1996 12 Month 10 Day:
Xing Kai actually proposed to break up with Feng Qianqian, and they have been dating for less than two months. Feng Qianqian doesn't seem to be very sad, and neither does Xing Kai.But before, Xing Kai loved Feng Qianqian so much.Can't wait to stick together 24 hours a day.

As I expected, love is not usually tested.It is a man's nature to like the new and dislike the old, and it is even more impossible for Xing Kai to surpass it, because he is too lonely.I thought it was impossible for him to settle down in his life, so my determination was strengthened.

1997 1 Month 25 Day:
Xing Kai got the report card of the final exam, with an average score of 84.5 points. Xing Kai’s self-esteem was hit hard. I didn’t know how to enlighten him, so I took off my clothes to divert his emotions. This trick was very effective, but when he was on top of me When I was pregnant, I was suddenly a little scared, because I still don't know how to effectively prevent pregnancy, so I temporarily refused.

1997 1 Month 26 Day:
Uncle Xing learned about Xing Kai's test scores from his secretary. Uncle Xing obviously didn't expect his son to get such a high score, and his English test score was No.1 in the whole grade, so Uncle Xing was overjoyed and decided to Buy Xing Kai a car as a prize.It was obvious that he himself spoiled his son, but he wanted to ask others why he couldn't teach his son well.

This night, Xing Kai drank a lot of wine, maybe he couldn't get the answer he wanted from my eyes, he couldn't help but get angry and forced to have sex with me.Although I was nervous and scared, I didn't run away and handed him a condom.But it was useless in the end, because he...was drunk and fell asleep.Me, it's been a few hours, my heart is still pounding, my face is hot, I... went to take a shower.

1997 1 Month 27 Day:
Uncle Xing's secretary sent home a golden retriever puppy for me. Although the puppy was very cute, I didn't want to keep it at all, so I cruelly left the puppy in the yard to be raised.Xing Kai built a shed for the puppy and scolded me for being unloving. I simply admitted that as for the reason...a dog's lifespan is too short. Once I inject deep feelings, I will face loss again. I'm sorry Dayu, I can't hurt anymore get up.

1997 1 Month 30 Day:
Uncle Xing asked Xing Kai whether to go to college or to the military academy.Xing Kai came to ask my opinion, but his choice was actually my answer. I never cared how high he could fly, but whether he was tired or not.Moreover, going to a military academy is very hard, and the campus is full of men. He has no chance to talk about love, and he will feel lonely and lonely. So I said that I hope he can go to an ordinary university, but he didn't listen.

February 1997, 2:
Xing Kai said he likes Porsche, I went to the bookstore to check the information, and the cheapest one cost more than 70 yuan.I don't think I'll be able to make a single car in my life.So, I just sneaked out and did odd jobs to earn some money and plan to buy him a model Porsche.The birthday present for him must be bought with his own money.But later, the police raided the small workshop, and I stayed in the police station for nearly ten hours. Before leaving, the chief of the police station quietly asked me if I knew Xing Kai, and I knew it was Xing Kai who called the police.I guess, he wants me to ask him for help, but I can't do that, even if he didn't call the police, I won't ask him for help, because my dependence on him will let him know that I can't live without him.Of course, I really can't live without him.

1998 7 Month 9 Day:
Today is my birthday, but I didn't tell Xing Kai.I went to see him at school, he was very tanned and a lot stronger, the first time he saw me he asked me if I wanted him, I said against my will, no.And told him that he would not come to see him again before graduation.I hoped that he would turn around and leave with a nonchalant smile on his face, but he looked at me with that kind of eyes that I couldn't bear, I was afraid that I would cry in front of him, so I ran away as if my back was his At that moment, my tears could not stop.

1999 1 Month 21 Day:
Xing Kai was approved by the school and got half a month of family leave. During that time, he kept having sex with me. He asked me over and over again whether I loved him or not. ,I don't understand.His eyes were very hurt. I apologized to him countless times in my heart, but I couldn't let myself show any emotion.

Xing Kai, it's not that I don't believe in your feelings for me, but that I dare not let myself believe it.Just because you are so sincere, I feel more and more panicked.When most lovers are only willing to stay in the sweetness of love, I think about the day when love will end.I am afraid that one day, you will be a stranger to me.

1999 2 Month 27 Day:
I found out that I was pregnant, I did not tell anyone, and went for a medical abortion alone... When the little fetus flowed out of my body, I finally realized what it is to be regarded as suffocating pain.I cried all night.Sorry Xing Kai, you are only 20 years old this year, and I am only 19 years old. If one day you get bored with me, our children will follow the path I used to have. One ten thousandth of the love of parents.

2000 1 Month 02 Day:
Xing Kai has returned from his studies, the man I've been longing for has finally returned, and I'm so happy that I'm dizzy.But I restrained my longing for him and still treated him with a normal heart.And he was obviously dissatisfied with my overly indifferent performance.

That night, he invited An Yao to have dinner at home.And my act of leaving without permission made Xing Kai even more angry. Looking at his affectionate eyes, I felt anxious, so I made up a lot of reasons that I thought were justified, such as the high-ranking family. The pressure and so on, and then told Xing Kai cruelly - I don't want to marry him.

Only by letting him give up on me, can I stay by his side with peace of mind. I admit that my approach is too extreme and even psychologically distorted, but who can understand my mood?I really can't lose him.I can't hear him say to me one day: Xing Yu, I'm starting to hate you, get out.So, I'm trying to be his family.Family affection can last forever, but love is just a flash in the pan.

2000 1 Month 05 Day:
Today, Xing Kai and An Yao officially dated, and I was very happy all day.However, I admit that I am deliberately forgetting that sad self, because this is the path I have decided on myself, forget about love, and only be relatives.

An Yao is a more pragmatic girl. Most girls in big cities are like her. They like famous brands and cars. In fact, this concept is not wrong. Poor and lowly couples are sad. Of course, I don't think she doesn't love Xing Kai, and the relationship needs to be cultivated slowly.After all, Xing Kai is so good, but his temper is not very good, he is young and energetic.An Yao, you are so cheerful and cute, come on!

2000 2 Month 03 Day:
Today is the [-]th night. Uncle Xing, Xing Kai and I set off firecrackers together. Xing Kai is finally willing to look at me like a brother, and I finally settle in Xing Kai's life as a family member. Shouting Long Live, Happy Chinese New Year!I wish everyone peace and happiness!

——Xing Kai Xing Kai!Am I never going to lose you again?

(End of this chapter)