The Concubine's Survival Manual

Chapter 169

In the bottom of her heart, there seemed to be another sneer from the tiniest voice.Mocking her for being wrong.

she knows!Qin Niangzi realized irritably: It turned out that she had already had too much affection for Xu Fengjia after only getting along for more than a month, so that his depression directly affected her mood.

This is of course wrong, of course she should correct it in time, but tonight she is too tired, rationality rarely fully retreats, leaving sensibility begging, almost desperately reminding her how much she cares about Xu Fengjia mood.

Xu Fengjia's breathing suddenly became heavy.

The pleading in these words seemed to be worth a thousand words, and it pushed his emotions to the edge of losing control.

He didn't move, but opened his eyes. In the hazy darkness, Qiniangzi could still feel his gaze scanning her face minute by minute, even with a hint of caution.

"I saw you and Feng Zixiu talking." He gently repeated his narration. "Yang Qi, I saw you talking to him."

Seventh Lady took a deep breath, she almost screamed: talking to Feng Jin, is it even a capital crime?
She didn't speak, Xu Fengjia sneered softly.

"You don't even understand, do you?"

His voice was changeable, once angry as iron just out of the oven, hot and deadly, and also deliberately disdainful, sharp as the sharpest needle.However, no matter when you are tired, when you are helpless or when you are bluffing, there is always a burst of vitality... But at this moment, this vitality has disappeared, leaving behind a tranquility like stagnant water.just like……

Seventh Lady was stunned to find that the tone was like her own.

"Since I was a child, there has never been anything I can't do or get. Everyone around me has never taken me seriously." Xu Fengjia raised her hand and stroked her cheek.His fingertips were still hot, but the usual affection was missing from this touch. "Those who love me hope that I will make great achievements in the future, and those who don't love me will always regard me as a strong opponent."

"Only you, Yang Qi, only you never take me seriously. I knew you didn't like me, but the more you don't like me, the more I miss you in my heart. I want you to beg me, let me You admit that you are not as good as me, but after I arrived in the northwest, when I stood in your former home in Yangjiacun, what I thought about was how you could live in such a place, thinking that you should be well-clothed and well-fed, and that you should be treated well. I make the same offerings, so that when you bow your head to me, you are really bowing your head... At that moment, I knew that I actually liked you a little bit in my heart."

"After I see you again." Xu Fengjia paused, and he swallowed. "You are so beautiful. When I was a child, I thought you were nothing more than that. Your sixth sister is much prettier than you. But then I realized that a person's spirit is so important, that he can It's better than the beauty on the outside... I often take a look at you when people don't notice. Thinking of your quiet appearance, the bottomless feeling actually makes me feel a kind of challenge."

Seventh Lady listened to his confession in a daze, and her breathing became difficult.She never thought that Xu Fengjia would talk about the past that was too unbearable for him in such a calm tone.

"And you are indeed a fortress that is difficult to attack. I can't understand you. I think you love me. But I'm not sure...Yang Qi, you are the most difficult game to solve. I can't understand yours." Thoughts. You say you love me, but whether you really love me or not, I can’t fathom it. If you love me, why do you keep rejecting and refuse to lower your chin to me? If you don’t love me , and why...why do you show a little special to me alone."

"But later, when I realized that you really loved me, it was too late. There are many things that cannot be undone... I hated you."

Xu Fengjia smiled bitterly.The fiery fingers lingered on the side of Qiniangzi's face, and suddenly slipped to her lips, gently pressing against Qiniangzi's slightly parted lips.

"The death of Shanli is the second failure in my life. It is a failure for Shanli, and it is also a failure for you. I lost the game between you and me again. You are right, I It's wrong." There was more confusion in his voice. "Yang Qi, why are you involved in every failure in my life?"

Tears gradually welled up in Seventh Lady's eyes.

She was even bewildered. In her heart, there was a force impacting her self-control. She wanted to stop Xu Fengjia from talking, and wanted to retain the false balance that existed between them during this month. .Some things were avoided, some people were left under the table, and they were still careful to maintain a false warmth.

But this so-called affection seems to be gradually fading away with Xu Fengjia's confession.

"When I was in Guangzhou, I thought a lot. I think I gave too little support to Shanli. I have to come back to the capital for you. I think I have too little time. I want you to bow your head to me and say to me Please, always have to work hard. As long as I am willing to wait, I can always wait until you choose me willingly, instead of I have been chasing you for a choice, but you just tell me that you have no choice. I It is better to push slowly than to try to break open the door in your...your side...your heart."

"But today I saw you talking to Feng Zixiu. How much time did I spend looking at you, Yang Qi? I know every expression on your face, to elders, to friends, to enemies, to servants, and even To me... But when you were talking to Feng Zixiu, I have never seen a single expression on your face."

"I want that, and I have forced you so many times, because I just want to see that look on your face? The sincerity that I can't ask for...Why did you give it to Feng Zixiu so easily?"

He slowly withdrew his hand. "I keep telling myself, wait, don't push you too far, wait for you to open your heart and let me in. I know you have had a difficult life since you were a child, so you are used to being on guard, used to cheating, used to... used to it I don’t know, but you just guard me so strictly, but it’s so easy and simple to care about others and choose others. In my heart, you You have never loved me, and you really want to push me away. To marry me, you really have no choice. "

His tone was covered with that lifeless sadness again.

Qin Niangzi caressed the side of her face again without knowing it, as if she was trying to retain the little warmth left by Xu Fengjia.

She seemed to have really done what she needed: she had made Xu Fengjia believe what she had always needed him to believe.She doesn't like him, not at all, so he shouldn't keep pestering her.

Two lines of clear tears fell down unconsciously.

She felt that she understood that this was the moment she had been waiting for. If she let this moment pass, Xu Fengjia would not ask for those things she did not want to give in the future.Her feelings, her love and her care.

However, he will no longer give her his care, his love and his care.He has admitted that Yang Qi is his failure, and learning to admit failure is the first step in accepting and forgetting failure.

Let go, let go of this moment, there will be no more variables like Xu Fengjia in her life, she will get an excellent husband, a husband who is no different from Gui Hanchun and Quan Zhongbai, in her life , no matter who plays this role, it will only be a symbol.

Then she will lose Xu Fengjia, the man she has been trying to deny and resist, the man she understands intellectually that she will never be the partner she wants, but who sensually wants to get close to him, a fresh and unique Xu Fengjia.

Xisanjian fell silent.

Qin Niangzi counted her clear and shallow breaths, and when she heard Xu Fengjia's heavy and slightly choked breathing, she tightly closed her eyes.It was quiet, and it suffocated her.

Push it off, push it off, let go.There was a murmur, a silent whisper, in her consciousness.

No!keep him!Another tiny voice screamed desperately, leave him, leave him!

At this moment, countless fragments of past and present life swept over. She saw Feng Jin blooming lonely, saw Fifth Lady's relieved smile before she died, saw Sixth Lady's suffocation, and saw herself in the crowd. Walking in the middle of the world, free and easy, but boundless loneliness.

The voice gradually weakened and finally disappeared.

This suffocating silence lasted long enough, until the two breathing sounds evened out, and then a quiet and cold female voice broke the thick black silence.

"Do you know why I can let go of my guard in front of my cousin?"

There was no answer, but the heavy breathing had already stopped.

(End of this chapter)