Late at night, please give me half a cigarette

Chapter 227 Losers have no say

I have a lot of thoughts in my head, I want to explain to them why I did that, I want to say that I am not what you say I am at all, I want to ask them what makes me judge that I am a piece of garbage Yes, do they know me, have they seen me, know me!
They don't know anything!They just tap the keyboard irresponsibly, as if they know me as well as the daughter of the second aunt next door.

Find your own sense of superiority and show your proud life values ​​in the abuse.

I typed a lot of words on the screen, but in the end I couldn't help but delete them one by one.

At this time, I suddenly saw a comment popping up, saying that I looked familiar, and later confirmed that it was a lady selling in a nightclub, and then sent a shocked expression, saying oh my god, this world has really changed, miss Even if they don't work hard, they dream of becoming a star on the running stage.

As soon as this comment came out, it was immediately liked by people, and many people responded later, and said boldly, I have slept before, but it is cheap, that bitch also said that I am alive, I hope I will let me next time sleep.

Such comments made me tremble all over, my scalp was numb, and even the hand holding the mouse was trembling.

They are all people I can't see and touch, and they can't be challenged face to face at all. I can still rush to argue with him.

If I respond to them with my own identity, they will say that I am a bitch to clean up. If I pretend to be a passerby and say a few words for myself, they will say that your three views are the same as that bitch, and you are also being raped. People have slept.

At this time, I was like a lone boat floating on the sea, unable to find a support point and a place to rely on. It felt like I was isolated by people all over the world. When they were unhappy, I was the object of their venting. When I am happy, I am their gossip.

Before becoming famous, she was infamous, and Tian Yulu successfully made the headlines of major websites because of this incident.

I know that I shouldn't read those comments at all in order not to affect my mood, but sometimes people always have a kind of heart, and they can't help but want to read all the way down to see what else they scolded me.

I stretched out a hand and closed the notebook. I was stunned for a moment, then raised my head to look at Zhang Yan who was standing in front of the table, frowned and growled irritably, "Sister Yan, what are you doing? I haven't finished watching it yet!"

"Don't look." Zhang Yan's expression was indifferent, and it didn't change because of my attitude towards her.

"You let me see it."

"I just want you to understand your current situation. I didn't ask you to read all the comments!" Zhang Yan pressed her hand on the notebook and refused to let me open it at all.

"I just want to see, among so many comments, is there no one who can stand up and say something fair?" I became more and more emotional, "They are really terrible, they can dig out everything, and even some people Say I was abducted!"

"What happened to the one who was trafficked! Should he die if he is trafficked! Shouldn't he be able to have ideals! Should he be trampled on by someone pointing his nose! Should he be born and sold for his own mother!"

My brain is completely in a vacuum, and I am so emotional that I really want to smash things now, like cutting myself with a knife!

I haven't felt this way in a long time.When I first returned to the city, when I was ridiculed and bullied by my classmates, I didn’t think they were so bad. At least I still had a chance to compete in front of them, but now I can’t do anything, I only have to be scolded share.

Zhang Yan looked at me, reached out and gently hugged me in her arms, patted my back, and comforted me, "I knew you would be like this, so I rushed back. Over the years, you see You seem to live strong and brave, but in fact you have never come out of the shadows of the past, and your heart has always been inferior, so you have some more aggressive behaviors and words when your self-esteem is trampled, and you use a kind of strength to protect Your fragile heart. I understand all these, even if the whole world doesn't understand you, I also understand."

"Sister Yan, I feel so sad and angry..." I leaned into Zhang Yan's arms and cried aggrievedly, "Why is it always me who gets hurt? Is there something wrong with me?"

"Yes, there must be something wrong with me. I can't do anything well. I'm overwhelmed. I can live a peaceful life. I'm going to participate in some singing competition, and I'm dreaming that I can take you with me in the future. Days, get out of places like nightclubs as soon as possible..."

"I'm really a loser. I can't do anything. I can't like a man, I can't be liked by other men, I can't have ideals and dreams. I deserve to have no pursuit and no ideals. I deserve to live at the bottom of society all my life. I deserve to be trampled and bullied every day, do they think that is the only way I can live a normal life? If I stand upright and pursue my dreams, it will be the funniest joke in the world?"

I chattered on and on, I know that Zhang Yan is probably the only person in this world who is willing to listen to me carefully, so even if I tell her, I can feel better in my heart.

I was really angry and cried fiercely, and finally fell asleep under the complicated emotions of various emotions.

When I woke up again, I found myself lying on the sofa, and Zhang Yan was sitting next to me and fell asleep.

I looked at my watch, it was 03:30 in the morning.

I looked up at the notebook on the table, and I had the urge to go over and see what they had said, but I knew that I would only add to my troubles, because it is impossible for anyone to say that I am good.

So I tried my best to control my urge to open the notebook, and went to the room to get a thin quilt to cover Zhang Yan.

I saw a cigarette case on the coffee table, so I took it, then walked barefoot to the floor-to-ceiling window, sat down cross-legged, lit the cigarette, and looked at the night city outside the window, with mixed feelings in my heart.

I think at this time, most of the people I scolded have already fallen asleep peacefully. They probably never thought that what they said casually would cause a lonely soul to fall into an abyss from which they could never climb.

No wonder Zhang Yan likes smoking so much. Only now did I realize that smoking seems to really help me get rid of some depression in my heart.

I just looked out of the window and smoked. The scenery outside the window changed from darkness to gradually brightening, from neon lights to sunrise in the east.

When I came back to my senses, I realized that my legs were numb and the ashtray was full of cigarette butts.

I looked at the time, then at Zhang Yan who was still sleeping soundly, and decided to go out and buy some breakfast.

To be honest, since I went to college, Zhang Yan is earning a lot of living expenses. I really think she has worked too hard, so I decided to try that competition, but in the end my heart It was also because of my own "self-esteem" that I was defeated, and the loss was a complete mess.

Zhang Yan is right, losers have no right to speak.

Even if it is said, who will hear it.

Because it was early in the day, apart from morning exercises in the community, there were parents who rushed their children to school.

As soon as I stood in front of a stall selling pancakes and fruits at the gate of the community, suddenly a child pointed at my nose and shouted: "You are the ugly woman who bullied sister Lulu! I like sister Lulu's performance the most." Sister Qing, you bad guy!" After speaking, the child came up and kicked my calf.

(End of this chapter)