Late at night, please give me half a cigarette

Chapter 228 Unbearable
I stared at the child with wide eyes in surprise. Before I could speak, the mother beside the child hurriedly pulled the child away who was about to kick the second kick, then gave me a strange look, and sternly said to the child. Said: "Why are you kicking people!"

The child pointed at me and said loudly angrily: "She bullied Sister Lulu yesterday, it was all on TV!"

The mother glared at the child, bought pancakes and fruit, and hurried away with the child who was still protesting at me, as if she forgot to even say "I'm sorry".

But I guessed it afterwards, maybe she didn't forget it, but she didn't want to talk about it, maybe she also read the news on the Internet and those crazy comments like a flood, and thought that I could be infected by a dirty touch A person with AIDS, so her first reaction was to take the child and leave immediately.

"Do you want to buy it or not? If you don't buy it, don't stop me from doing business!" the stall owner asked, frowning at me.

I nodded quickly, then took out the money and bought two pancakes. At this moment, I suddenly found that people around me were staring at my face, and their eyes were full of malice and sarcasm.

I lowered my head and was about to leave when suddenly a young couple stood in front of me holding hands. The woman pointed at my face in surprise and said, "Aren't you, are you the one who... attended the meeting yesterday?" The one in the competition?" Then the girl excitedly patted the arm of the boy next to him, "Husband, husband, it is she, she is her, the one who was said on the Internet to participate in the competition as a young lady..."

"She's the only one! She's so ugly to hype herself!" The boy gave me a disdainful look.

"Can I take a picture for you?" The girl was so excited that she took out her phone, so I backed away with wide eyes. The moment she took out the phone, I turned and ran.

I don’t know if I’m hallucinating. Why do I feel that everyone’s eyes are full of hostility? They all took out their mobile phones and took pictures of me. I was so scared that I covered my head with my hands, like crazy run home.

Because I was afraid of being chased and entangled by them, I didn't dare to go home. Instead, I wandered around the community for a long time and sneaked home when I found that there was no one there.

When I got home, Zhang Yan had already woken up. Seeing that I was in a daze, she asked me what was wrong.

I stared at Zhang Yan with straight eyes, and didn't speak for a long time. My mind seemed to be frozen, and I didn't know what I was thinking.

Zhang Yan called me several times before I came back to my senses, looked at her in a daze, then held the pancake fruit in front of her and said, "Sister Yan, eat..."

"What's wrong with you, He Qiu? Why is your face so ugly?" Zhang Yan took the pancake fruit and looked back at the computer on the table, "Did you read the comments again?"

I shook my head weakly, looked at Zhang Yan weakly and said, "I'm going to lie down in the room for a while, feeling a little tired."

"Are you not eating?" Zhang Yan asked me.

"No, I don't have an appetite." I went back to the room and lay on the bed, feeling so tired and weak, my eyes were staring at the ceiling in a daze, even I felt like a dead person.

Now my mind is full of those people I just met, they are pointing at me, with disdainful smiles on their faces, and there are many spectators who took pictures of me with their mobile phones. It was all recorded by them.

And then are they going to post those photos online again?Then a group of people will be attracted to watch me make jokes and say some unsightly things.

I covered my head with my hands in fear and forced myself not to think about it, but my brain couldn't stop thinking at all.

In this way, I lay on the bed for a whole day. Zhang Yan knocked on the door several times and came in to ask me to eat, but I shook my head and refused. I really have no appetite at all.

I couldn't sleep at night, it seemed that as soon as I closed my eyes, those terrible people jumped into my mind again, so I didn't dare to close my eyes at all.

Zhang Yan saw that it was not a problem for me to be depressed like this, so she insisted on dragging me out for a walk. As a result, as soon as we walked out of the gate of the community, a group of reporters surrounded me, and they all expressed their desire to interview me.

I was so scared that I shrank behind Zhang Yan, holding her clothes tightly with both hands, and even found that they were still holding up their cameras to take pictures of me. I quickly lowered my head, not wanting to be photographed by them.

Even though Zhang Yan refused again and again, those reporters still asked me a lot of questions like Bengdou, such as asking if there was any holiday between me and Tian Yulu before, what I think of Tian Yulu, and asking what Teacher Song supported me at the time. For what reason did I ask why I reacted so aggressively at the time, and asked if I was trying to hype myself up.

Zhang Yan blocked the cameras with her hands and shouted that we refused to answer any questions. We are just eliminated contestants, so don't bother us anymore.

Zhang Yan protected me and went home all the way.

I immediately stood at the door, repeatedly checking whether the door of the house was locked, so that no one would suddenly come in from the outside.

"Stop pulling, you will break the door if you pull again." Zhang Yan pulled me onto the sofa and told me to sit down.

"The door..." My eyes were still fixed on the door, my whole body trembling with tension, "Is the door really locked?"

"Forget about the door!" Zhang Yan squatted down in front of me, frowning and looked at me carefully, "What's wrong with you, He Qiu? Your behavior is so strange now, it's not like you at all! You met someone before After so many setbacks and twists and turns, didn’t you survive all of them! This time is nothing more than the same, and you will definitely survive!”

"Sister Yan..." I looked at Zhang Yan and murmured, "Sister Yan, I have never stepped out... In fact, let alone other people, I even despise my background and despise my In the past, I sometimes thought, it would be great if I had never been born, if I had succeeded in cutting my wrists, I would not have the troubles I have now..."

"He Qiu!" Zhang Yan interrupted me sharply, "Don't think so much, you must be overly anxious. I'll take you to see a doctor tomorrow."

No matter how much Zhang Yan persuaded me to eat, I couldn't even eat. I even ran to the toilet to vomit in disgust as soon as I took a bite.

My mood was getting more and more disturbed, my mental state was getting worse, and I even thought I might die soon.

Another sleepless night, it’s not that I don’t want to sleep, but that I can’t sleep at all, this time Zhang Yan deliberately disguised me, and then took me out of the community, avoiding those “careful people”, to show me doctor.

At first we went to the gastroenterology department, because Zhang Yan thought that my inability to eat must be due to something wrong with my stomach, but after a series of examinations, nothing was found, so the doctor suggested that we go to other departments, especially the psychology department. .

After I learned about my situation, the doctor in the psychology department gave me relevant tests. After seeing the results, the doctor frowned and said to Zhang Yan that I had anxiety and depression.And the illness is actually very serious, because the things that are suppressed in my heart can't be resolved for a long time, so they accumulate more and more. When there is a burst point that touches a switch in my heart, all the negative emotions in my heart are at this moment. Erupted.

The doctor prescribed a lot of medicines for me, including nerve control medicines and auxiliary medicines, and told Zhang Yan that she must insist on taking the medicine every day, carry it with her when she goes out, and regularly come for psychological consultation and treatment.

I also want Zhang Yan to try to help me get rid of the depression in my heart, find a way to get me out of the psychological shadow, let me participate in more social activities, let me see the positive, sunny world more, so as to improve my self-esteem. Mental endurance will gradually improve.

(End of this chapter)