Men need to understand, women need to love
Chapter 4 Don't Make Love Live Lei Feng
Chapter 4 Don't Make Love Live Lei Feng
Master Xing and Yu Wenfeng's ten-year relationship ended for a very old-fashioned reason: the woman hated marriage, but the man refused to propose.People familiar with the matter said that the woman proposed to break up half a year ago, and the man agreed indifferently. It was not until now that the paparazzi took a photo of Yu Wenfeng and Xinhuan's fingers interlocking.
From the age of 29 to 39, although it is not the best age, it is also the most important ten years for a woman. If it is placed on ordinary women who hate married women, it is easy to fall from a setback and become a "three-year-old who hates herself, hates men and hates the world." hate women".Yu Wenfeng didn't have it, which doesn't mean how strong she is. What can be inferred is that she kept her hole card from the beginning. This hole card is the willingness and happiness of this world, not for a certain promise or hope in the future.Now, when she chooses to quit, it must not be because she is discouraged, but because she has new requirements, and he failed to meet them.
In love, the same result, because everyone's purpose is different, feelings are often completely opposite.To put it more bluntly, it can be said that there is no gain or loss in love, it all depends on what you think.The plot that often appears in romance TV dramas is that a woman gives a lot and gets very little. While crying, others blame her for not being smart, but she stubbornly says, I only care for my heart. "For my heart" does have some metaphysical suspicions, but it is always a little higher than "I want to marry him" or "I want to make him happy".At least, no matter the future is bitter or happy, you will do it for yourself, so what is there to complain about?When Fei Peng fell in love, Faye Wong faced the kind reminder that "Li Yapeng is a big liar", and said calmly: I am a person who puts love above life. One day I meet a plumber in the elevator, and love will fall in love. You guys Let me be careful about this and that, I'm not happy.The implication is that even if I love a liar, that is my business.
Yu Wenfeng knew from the beginning that Master Xing was a man who feared marriage, and Faye Wong knew from the beginning that Li Yapeng was the legendary philandering radish. If they were not for their own happiness and understood their own ability to bear it, but held the idea of saving men The naive fantasy of turning the world around will probably turn into the most terrifying bitter woman in the end.
Selfish thoughts are likely to produce selfless flowers, but so-called selfless dedication often reaps unflattering results.Because in love, if you can't put yourself as the first priority, there will be a lot of complaints. In the end, even the happiness that you should enjoy is regarded as doing good deeds by learning from Lei Feng in order to become a model.However, it is not difficult to be Lei Feng for a day in love, but it is difficult to be Lei Feng for a lifetime. Physicist Hawking has asserted that human beings cannot overcome the nature of "greed and selfishness". So, what you call the greed that is temporarily hidden for the sake of love And selfishness, once there is a deviation between your goal and the result, it will intensify and explode.
Every time I meet a girl crying and saying, I did this for him.I felt like I was watching a horror movie.This sentence is equivalent to denying all the past feelings between the two.Love is a matter between two people, the key word is not dedication but sharing.If a certain party, without your knowledge at all, does things that you think "you are happy so she is happy" without any pleasure or even bitter hatred, the tragedy is no different from two people having sex, and she groans , You think that people are enjoying sex, but you don't know that people are being raped and still pretending to orgasm.
When someone says, I did this for you, we should actually kneel down and beg for mercy in accordance with the nonsensical principle of Master Xing: Please think for yourself, don't do it for me, I have already thought too much for me.
Since human beings cannot overcome the greed and selfishness in their nature, there must be a very powerful extension behind "It's all for you" - demand.Because I have dedicated these things to you, you must repay me in the future. If you don't repay me, you will die as a wolf-hearted dog.This trick is a bit cruel, but it is a pity that the sky does not fulfill people's wishes. Often those who work hard on "dedication" will die from overwork first, while those who work hard on "self" will live their lives.
In love, everyone will give, as long as this kind of giving does not exceed one's own cards, it can all be regarded as a kind of gain.Falling in love with a "hooligan" is because he can bring you passion that a good man cannot give; falling in love with a married man is because his human, material and financial resources are at the best stage of life; I also experienced the pleasure of living in a sojourn; endured a cheating man, because he fulfilled your dream of being a KGB; if you feel that you have nothing but pain, but you are still willing to be with him, it can only mean that he has satisfied you Incomparably powerful cravings in masochistic terms.In short, if you are willing to be with him, it must be because of what you have gained from him.If you can’t face this point squarely, whatever you do will be regarded as dedication by yourself, and whatever he does will be blamed by you.
Love is the happiest thing in the world, there is no need for Lei Feng.Those who are keen to play Lei Feng end up just to satisfy their own pleasure of being morally superior to others. From this point of view, those students who are superior have nothing to complain about.
The leftover women should stay away from each other
A friend ended her ten-year marriage last spring and desperately wanted someone to take over.It's a pity that after more than a year, she didn't even talk about a relationship.Looking at her Weibo, there are always interactions with leftover women or literary young women, which are somewhat sad and inspirational.However, with a discerning eye, one can tell that both are depression patients, how can they walk into the sun hand in hand?
Birds of a feather flock together.A divorced woman likes to be friends with a divorced woman, and a married woman who hates a married woman is willing to chat with a married woman who hates a married woman. First, they have a common language, and second, their emotions are compatible. The most important thing is that the existence of the other party is conducive to alleviating their worries—— "It turns out that there are many people like me in the world, at least before they get married, I am not alone." On the surface, this is a positive emotion, but in fact it condones weakness and procrastination.
The world is so big, it will never be difficult to find someone with the same fate.The key question is, do you cherish your little life, or do you want to change your destiny?If a Loser wants to change his destiny, but hangs around with countless Losers all day long, regrets the first love he didn't hold tightly, complains that good men are other people's husbands, and treats the men he meets on blind dates as jokes one after another , How can we get the favor of fate?
Your life is lively, but you will always be in a cold sweat when you dream back at midnight.
False friendships exist among women, especially among single women who hate marriage.
There is a story about a pair of leftover girlfriends who depended on each other for food, drink and fun every day, and sometimes went on blind dates together. The happiest thing was to call the man they met during the blind date a pig.Later, A got acquainted with a very emotional man and began to fall in love, and B kept calling and texting her like crazy.Once, A came back late at night with her boyfriend and found B waiting at her door with disheveled hair, saying that she was in a bad mood and needed to drink.So A had to dismiss her boyfriend and drink with B.After so many times, A's prospective husband was disturbed by B.Suddenly, B got married without warning.
People in similar situations are more likely to form competition.On the surface, everyone will say, I wish you to find the right one as soon as possible, but in private, everyone is afraid that they are the one who is alone.In this state of mind, even if it is not intentional, each other will become a stumbling block for the other to find true love.
Whether in the group of divorced women or the group of older unmarried women, men will be described as particularly unseemly. Why?Because no one can describe them objectively.On the one hand, this is naturally due to their own understanding, and on the other hand, it is absolutely subjective unwillingness.How could he explain his failure if he didn't describe the man in such a bad way?If you don't make men so miserable, how can you stop your friends from valuing sex and despising friends at every turn, and burning themselves with lust?
Some people will say, you are really extreme, in fact, we often plan to find a good man when we are together.In fact, talking about the future in vague terms is always empty talk.It's like a young man who never studied hard and didn't spend time and effort to obtain a certificate, but said that he must work hard to live a good life.Unrealistic expectations are worse than no expectations, because they are always deceiving you, giving you an excuse to continue a comfortable life that is increasingly deviating from your goals.
You clamor all day long about falling in love and getting married, but you have created a small circle of men in your actions. You have said countless times that you will find a man to join hands with you for the rest of your life, but you have serious doubts about the possibility of a long time in your mind. Then, it will really happen Have an obedient apple that falls on top of your head?
The kind of person you want to be, with the kind of people, and the kind of life you want to live, get close to those who have already lived such a life.It takes a lot of courage to do so than it takes to be close to one's own kind.At first, you may be constantly irritated, self-pitying, and even feeling that you have lost all your advantages and are useless.However, if you really become friends, you will not only be able to see the harmonious side of love, but also realize that any beauty has a price. Your "happy" friend actually has many unexpected troubles, and these are You have never understood before.
Comfortable things often make us stagnate, and uncomfortable things make us grow, unless you want to be a poor student in love forever.
Marry well if you do well
Girls often confide to me: My boyfriend has a good family background and loves me, but he just doesn’t talk about marriage, and my conditions are not bad, so why?
I curiously asked her why she felt that her condition was not bad, and she said confidently: I am young and beautiful.As far as I know, she hasn't had a job for more than half a year since she graduated. Her daily interest is to keep fit except eating, drinking and having fun.
We often blame men for being shallow, yet we can't help but try to please men in the shallowest way possible, and if it hurts, who is to blame?
The most watched event in the entertainment industry in 2010 was Zhang Yuqi's love affair with a wealthy family that Zhang Yuqi had painstakingly managed for several years but had no results.The man is a well-known young man in the capital with hundreds of millions of fortunes, and has a mother who speaks like an empress dowager.After the big S incident, the catering brand owned by Ming Shao and Mom became famous in Taiwan.It is rumored that Zhang Yuqi from Shaoshe switched to Big S because the Empress Dowager didn't like Zhang Yuqi's disputes with Master Xing.Anyone with a discerning eye can see this matter at a glance. The young mother's dissatisfaction is not that the prospective daughter-in-law caused disputes, but that she knocked down a tree that was good for shade. Obviously, the speed of career development has not kept up with the needs of the family.And those who ridiculed Big S's workaholics can finally be silent. They have a marriage while doing business, and it's very enviable.
For those women who regard marriage as "pie falling from the sky" and hope to enjoy the achievements of men's struggle through a marriage letter, men are actually like a mirror in their hearts.It's not that they don't want to do this kind of thing for love, but that the world is dangerous and it's not easy for men.If faced with the same love, a woman with average appearance can add to his career, and a beautiful woman can only be placed as a vase at home, their choice must be to fall in love with the latter and marry the former.
Han Han once said that even if he sold blood, he would not let his woman go out to make money, and thus became the most man-like man in China.However, when his plain-looking wife surfaced, everyone realized that she did not need to work for others, but she was truly working for Classmate Han, and it was a real money-making job, not a traditional one. "Marriage workers" who do housework and have children.
Coincidentally, it is Jiang Wen.He boasted that his ideal partner is a "bench wife", and he hates women being busy the most, but over the years, none of the women who have had a deep relationship with him is idle.When he debuted, his wife was Liu Xiaoqing, a big sister who was 12 years older than him. She helped him achieve his dream of being a director; later he married a French girlfriend, got a French green card and gave birth to a stunning daughter; Shang's daughter got married, not only added a son, but also added money that could be used to make movies.
We always teach women not to waste every relationship we have, but few people can do it, but this man Jiang Wen has really done it.
The proposition of "marrying well is worse than doing well" has been discussed for nearly ten years. Just as young girls are brainwashed and suddenly realize that they can get long-term meal tickets through marriage, the morals of the world have actually changed quietly.More and more men agree that their wives are for use, so the path of "doing well and marrying well" is fiercer than the recruitment of employees by Fortune 500 companies.
The so-called blind dates for the rich organized by the blind date club, wave after wave of young and pretty girls who have nothing but young and beautiful, join them with hope, but they don't know that it is at best a signing event for the rich.These young women wasted their youth on the way to find and conquer rich men, and accidentally became leftover women, while those rich men who claimed to be unmarried suddenly married rich women who were not young, and like Uncle Zhou Libo, said That's the person I spent half my life waiting for.
If you can't figure it out, why should he marry a rich woman when he is already so rich?He is already so successful, why should he marry someone who can help him to the next level?Well, let's just stop thinking about others so utilitarianly.Since you can keep saying that you are not all for money, but because the rich man is indeed more temperamental than other men, the man can also say that he is not for her to help him, and the economic base determines the vision, what he wants is just a A lifelong partner with a wide field of vision, preferably able to look at the world.
"Women must be very independent, very independent, in order to be loved by men." Li Jiaxin's famous saying can basically represent the aspirations of women who "do a good job and marry well". Going to take care of her own beauty salon with a big belly, she has proved with her actions that even if she is married, she still has to strive for self-improvement.
When love rises to marriage, utilitarianism is always inevitable, women or men, whoever says it is vulgar is just laughing at it.Since we can't control other people's standards, only ourselves can manage well.
Gao Pan is not serious
A met a man on a blind date. He has good appearance and family conditions.After being in a long-distance relationship for a while, A went to his city, and the two of them buried the skylight, which was considered a solid relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend.However, after a while, the man told A: My mother wants me to find a girl who can do business.The implication is that A can't help him in his career, he can be in love, but it may be difficult to get married.
A is extremely entangled, and can only treat the man desperately, hoping that he can break through prejudice.The development of things can be imagined, the more A pays, the less he gets. In the end, the man begins to enjoy her goodness with peace of mind, but he has absolutely no sense of responsibility.He was determined for her, but she was sad and anxious but did not dare to take the initiative to break up, worrying that if she missed it, she would never find a man with such good conditions again.
I told A: You complicate things.The point is not whether you will miss it, but whether you never had it.
My baby is one and a half years old now.From the age of one, she liked to tiptoe to reach objects on tables taller than her.The results are usually tragic, as a falling apple happens to hit her on the nose or a china plate falls to the floor and shatters her bones.
It is human nature to like to climb high. The more things we can't reach, the more attractive they are to us.The luck of children is that they are constantly growing taller, and what is out of reach this year will be easily accessible next year.If a woman maintains a childlike and efficient growth throughout her life, then those who used to feel high will be able to join hands in a few years and be at the same level.
I want every girl to look back and feel like this - what she wanted so much in the past, now seems like nothing more.However, just as children stop growing taller at a certain age, so women stop improving at a certain age, so often when they want to use marriage to lock in a man who needs to be tiptoed to get them, their own growth stops.
It is not love that needs to be deliberately managed, but relationship that needs to be painstakingly grasped.When the diaosi girl tries to manage her relationship with Gao Shuaifu, the beauty of love is slowly fading.In fact, the thing is very obvious, any man with a little bit of emotional intelligence, and any man who wants to develop a long-term relationship with the other party, will not use his mother's mouth to block the way for a girl to marry him from the very beginning.All the "my mother said" in the world are just excuses from men, either he thinks the same way himself, or he hasn't figured out how to think about it yet.
People are always obsessed with the feeling of tiptoeing to reach things, and we never feel that we are not strong enough.It's not a bad thing to want to challenge the feeling of climbing high.If A can be like a well-grown child, while challenging the relationship, grow wildly and become a successful female boss, and even one day, she may take the initiative.But if she just wants to deal with him through a small confession, by improving cooking skills, improving bed skills and other little women's methods, the result is at best that he will remember her kindness when he marries someone else.
In the story of Cinderella and the prince, Cinderella never worried that the prince would dislike her life experience. She stayed in the kitchen calmly, waiting for the masochistic prince to come to her door.Although this is a fairy tale, it also has a simple love truth.
The initial pattern of love determines the ultimate relationship.Both caring about is the best way to start.Women don't care, men do, and that's a good start.If it starts in a way that the man doesn't care and the woman cares, it is usually difficult to go far.The reason is simple: men can conquer women, but women can only conquer themselves.
I told A that the moment a woman feels like a high climber, she has already lost the relationship.
The bottom line is what you have
A friend, ten years after leaving his original company, often dreamed that he was hunted down by his former boss.Now, she is her own boss and has the capital to "chasing and killing" others. Looking back, she said that her former boss is definitely not a demon wearing Prada, and even in the eyes of others, she is still wearing Chanel. This nightmarish experience was really due to the fact that he was new to the workplace, lacked a bottom line, and looked like a cucumber on a chopping board—undershoot.
This is a world where "bad guys" are in power.If you don’t know how to become ruthless at some point, then not only success will be far away from you, even the undemanding comfort and plainness will be squeezed less and less, because you are not a cucumber and will not willingly Was photographed as a side dish.
"But why can't people be honest with each other?" Those who are frustrated in the workplace or injured in love often ask tearfully and vomit blood.It's good to be honest with each other, but the more basic relationship between people is to test the bottom line.There are many offensive players in this world, and not everyone deserves to be honest with you. In other words, before the work of testing the bottom line is completed, being honest with each other is basically equivalent to "finding a shot".
Looking around us, it is not difficult to find that some people have changed several companies, and their roles will always be doormats; some people have changed several boyfriends, and their roles will always be the heroines.Why are they always the ones who are unkind?
When actor Zhang Jingchu responded to the incident of refusing to drink at a high price, she said meaningfully: "What kind of aura you are, you will attract what kind of people." people, and even inspired the little bit of evil hidden deep in the originally kind people.Everyone is stubborn, and everyone hopes to have the opportunity to bully others.This "other" just falls on your head, because you don't have the courage to say "never" like Webster or Zhang Jingchu.
Many people who think they have a bottom line, their bottom line will change as things change.A girl who set "boyfriend cheating" as the bottom line for breaking up, but when things came to an end, she was struggling with whether this man lost his virginity after drinking or voluntarily, whether he dedicated himself or someone else came to his door.A woman who kept saying she couldn't accept the AA system was shaken when she met a man who claimed to be worth tens of millions but insisted on eating with her under the AA system. The reason was that this man's conditions were too good, and maybe he was just testing me.A person who can't accept a friend's betrayal regains trust in him under the rhetoric of the friend who betrayed him. The reason is that it is not easy to meet a friend who knows everything.
If we want, we can always find many reasons to lower our bottom line, and these reasons are not bad.However, you will gradually become a person who no longer clearly understands what you need. Your bottom line and destiny are all in the hands of others. The only thing you have to pray for is to meet a boss, friend and boyfriend with a conscience. It will not be fun to challenge your bottom line.
The real bottom line means "never", means unchangeable, means no "maybe" and "or".Letting one's bottom line drop again and again is equivalent to having no bottom line.And truly smart people will not expose their bottom line lightly. The bottom line they show is always a little bit higher than their real bottom line. "If you want to get 100%, then you'd better ask for 120%; if you only ask for 100%, then you can get 80% satisfaction at most." This iron law of business negotiation is suitable for any negotiation table in life .
The bottom line is a game of the brave, often to the death and survival of us.The pain of Nirvana is as deep as the joy of rebirth, so many people would rather give up the bottom line and live in this cruel world that never forgets the little warmth that attracts us.Although giving up the bottom line and regaining what we want is no longer what we want, it seems to be a little bit less painful than sticking to the bottom line and losing it in an instant.However, it is a kind of endless suffering, a kind of suffering of constantly falling into the bottomless abyss, a kind of suffering that is destined to only play a supporting role in life.
The bottom line will not make us happy immediately, but it will make us live with more dignity, and in a long life experience, dignity is the ultimate happiness.
When you learn to stick to the bottom line, others can learn to stop before your bottom line and be a little fox or rose willing to be tamed by you.When you learn to stick to the bottom line, when your youth comes to an end, when you suddenly look back, you will not hold a handful of unreliable bad cards in your hand.
Stick to the bottom line, you may not get everything you want, but what you get must not be what you don't want to get.
Cuscuta's life is a misunderstanding
More than 30 years ago, a young girl named Shu Ting wrote "To the Oak Tree".The general idea is that people who really love each other are not the relationship between climbing and being climbed, but "I must be a kapok next to you, standing with you as the image of a tree".Young girls at that time often had the ambition to be a kapok tree, because their mothers or grandmothers were often dodders who had no ambitions, ambitions or even jobs.
In the past years, the dodder women were quite sad. There was no three-bedroom apartment in Wangjing, no LV, and no afternoons in beauty salons. Studying women's classics and doing housework.There are many things to do, but there is no status at all, because after all, no matter how troublesome or trivial you can do, you must be grateful to the man for giving you the opportunity to do it.
In China in the 80s and [-]s, women's sense of independence was far stronger than it is now.Women who can earn wages are not only envied by the same sex, but also sought after by the opposite sex.What's more, the job was stable at that time, and there was not a big gap between the rich and the poor.The happiness of the kapok tree is as simple as what Cui Jian sang in Geer: You covered my eyes with a piece of red cloth, and I said I saw happiness.
Nowadays, it is not easy to be a female kapok.If you can’t be like Xu Jinglei and Fan Bingbing, who are pure men and say: what do I marry a rich man? Then he sighed sadly: It's a pity that the deposit is only five thousand.The safflower has become a golden flower, and buying flowers and wearing them by oneself is not something that can be solved by lip service.
The world provides women with more material temptations, but it does not provide them with more employment opportunities and more opportunities for professional skills growth. Clinging has almost become the only choice for most female compatriots who want to live a good life.In other words, in a world where men still firmly hold the right to speak and mainstream values, talking about women's rights is actually very literary and nihilistic.
From the poetess Shu Ting forward, time goes back 1000 years, Li Bai, a male poet who is good at describing mountains and rivers and expressing lofty ambitions, has a rare long poem "Ancient Ideas" about the love of children, which describes the lament of a dodder woman: " The gentleman is a female dill grass, and the concubine is a dodder flower. The light strips do not lead themselves, but to chase the spring breeze." What a literary and artistic little freshness, but it is a pity that after three or five shots, the situation changes suddenly: "The female dill emits fragrance, and the dodder cuts people off. Intestines! The branches are entangled, and the leaves are fluttering." The clinging of your love and my wish has turned into a tangle, and there is no other, because there are too many flowers to cling to, and secondly, it is a tree with a strong physique and a developed male thinking. Therefore, it is bound to be my bounden duty to save a few more dodder flowers.
Which is easier to be a qualified dodder flower or a qualified kapok?The answer is usually dodder.Because on the surface, it doesn't need to experience wind and rain, she can climb as high as the tree grows, even if you are not Li Zekai, as long as you can climb him, you can become Liang Luoshi.
However, the relationship between dodder flowers and trees has never been a one-to-one correspondence.It is determined by the genes of humans or organisms that stronger species want to occupy more weaker species.
Women have stayed on the road of kapok trees for a long time, running non-stop for their own material desires, and feel that dodder flowers are very beautiful.I accidentally made dodder flowers, only to realize that "without that diamond, I shouldn't be doing this porcelain work."
There are actually only two choices for us: one is to be a kapok tree, grow desperately, and in a place closer to the sky, say with a smile: Even if I can’t meet a good man, I am still a good woman.The second is to be a dodder flower, attached to a beautiful tree, and fill your head with famous bags and fancy clothes.However, you can be the heroine of a Qiong Yao drama, "Sing softly for him, and caress makes love bloom lightly", but you must never force the other party to be the heroine of a Qiong Yao drama, that is obviously not in line with the laws of nature.
Of course, there is a third way that should not be called a road, that is, to become a blood-sucking dodder flower, which turns the tree into a big tree after it becomes yellow and emaciated.But to be honest, such a woman is after all a kapok tree covered with dodder bark. If her life does not succeed by climbing a man, she will succeed by relying on other things, but it may be a little bit later.
Nothing to do, a common love problem of a strong woman
Friend C complained to me about the gloomy life.The dark culprit is his handsome and powerful husband. He is machismo, loves socializing, does not understand emotional communication, treats friends better than his wife, etc. His crimes can be described as numerous.Looking at her sad and indignant face, I couldn't help but think of her first two love affairs.The first one is gentle and considerate, and regards her as a jewel in the mouth and a treasure in the palm of her hand. She thinks she is sissy and unprincipled; the second one is romantic, affectionate and considerate.She often said that my requirements are not high at all, but I just hope that he will be independent outside and be gentle and considerate inside.
A woman in an emotional crisis may talk about her love requirements as plainly as clothes on a street stall, but upon closer inspection, she is actually low-key like a maid in her mouth, but high-key like a princess in her heart, and she just wants to choose from the clothes on the street stall. Out of a PRADA.
For the daughter of an ordinary family, the man she is facing is actually like a piece of clothing on the ground.Good color, good quality, good style, and cheap price are four conditions, and you can choose at most two of them. If you choose cheap price, good style, and require high quality, then the pain is not caused by others, but by others. You found it yourself.
I often advise my friend C to look more at Mr.'s strengths.At least he can make money, and he is not stingy about spending money on his wife. Although he doesn't pay much attention to his wife's emotional needs, he is very keen on building a good relationship with his wife's family.She said: But these are not what I want.In fact, I am also very confused about what she wants. In the nearly ten years I have been with her, all I have seen is that she gets what she wants and doesn't want what she wants.
Nothing to worry about, it sounds like perfectionism, and it sounds like you can't figure out how much you weigh.Someone makes you a delicious braised pork, and when it is brought to you, you say: "The aroma and taste are good, but the color is not good. In my mind, the delicacies must have "color", and only "color" can be tasted. It is the most important part of whetting the appetite.If the standard is higher, the color and smell of braised pork are good, you have something to say: I am KEPP FIT, but do you know how unpalatable his fried cabbage is?
The so-called perfectionism, to put it bluntly, means that the heart is higher than the sky, and the fate is thinner than the paper. The higher the heart, the thinner the life.For example, Lu Xiaoman, a famous socialite, first married a soldier husband who was rich and powerful, but she lamented that he didn’t understand love at all when she had nothing to worry about; after she married a great poet who understood love, she couldn’t stand the fact that there are still people in the world There's such a thing as frugal living.As a result, he became a widow at a young age. Instead of blaming his poor fate, he might as well blame himself for being greedy.
Get the ideal love, live the ideal life, yes.But everyone needs to adjust their ideals in time in the face of reality.What you get is your happiness, what you can't get, no matter how happy you are, it has nothing to do with you.
If you happen to be the most unlucky one in the last 5000 years, your life dream is an egg, but you get a ping pong ball.The most important thing is definitely not to transform the ping-pong ball into an egg, but to quickly put the ping-pong ball out of the way and find another egg.It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, what you are afraid of is making a mistake.However, it is very likely that when you decided to find an egg, you thought of some benefits of table tennis, so you hesitated.Although you may attribute this to your reluctance to bear children or the lingering love of your family, the essence is that you have no "lifelong ideals" at all, but suffer from a common disease of Delong Wangshu.When you say "I don't really care that he gets more money back, I just hope he stays with me at home more", what you think in your heart is that you want to get back a lot of money and stay at home with me .If he believed your words and changed to a job with less money and more time, it would be no wonder if you didn't call him useless.Fortunately, the vast majority of men are sober when faced with this situation: Anyway, I can't meet your requirements, so I might as well go my own way and let you carry your shoes.So, can we also be a sober woman: Anyway, the tug-of-war of love hurts both sides, so it is better to enjoy what we have already got to the extreme.
A person who knows balance and moderation, even if what he gets is not what he originally wanted, he can always persuade himself to look at those possessions with gratitude.
Love is most afraid of demands
I went to the amusement park with my friends on Sunday, and a girlfriend insisted on forcing her boyfriend to ride a roller coaster with her.That man was naturally timid and never dared to play exciting games. Everyone interceded for him.But the girlfriend seemed to have eaten the weight, and even forced her boyfriend to submit by saying "if you love me, ride the roller coaster with me".The man sat up helplessly, but when he came down, his face was pale and he vomited continuously.
Afterwards, a man who had just ended a relationship sighed: "It's terrible. Why do women always have so many demands once the relationship is deep?"
More than one male friend told me that when love reaches a certain point, you will get bored.Women often mistakenly think that this is a manifestation of a man's playfulness, but in fact it is just because a man loves to escape.escape from what?A multitude of requirements.
Is there a request wrong?No.When you have a request for a person, it must be because of a sense of intimacy.We don't bother to ask for anything from the pedestrians we meet on the road and the elder brother in the office next door.However, closeness and demand cannot be completely equal.Having requirements can only mean that you are not close to the point of knowing each other, so you need to constantly see the other person meet your requirements to prove that love is not empty.
The party who needs to be satisfied takes it for granted that if he loves me, he will be happy to satisfy my requirements. In fact, he overestimates the power of love.Haven't you heard that "Love is precious, freedom is more expensive"?Besides, the party who is constantly being asked can also think, if you love me, don't make so many trivial demands on me.
If men and women are compared to universities, men are Chinese universities, which pursue strict entry and wide exit, while women are American universities, which pursue lenient entry and strict exit.
In love, men are not without demands.For example, before falling in love, he will care about the girl's measurements, occupation, temperament and so on.Once it's done, most men don't bother to make any more demands even if they find that the other party is not satisfactory.And women tend to beautify everything at the beginning of their relationship.A man who is afraid of watching horror movies, women think he is cute; a man who doesn't like to flatter his boss, women think he has integrity; a man who never says I love you, women think he is cool; a man who doesn't make a lot of money , women think he is a potential stock.As the relationship deepens, men become simple and women become complicated.At the beginning, she loved him because he was special, but now, she tried every means to obliterate his specialness, because a man with characteristics and personality made her feel insecure.
She would ask a man who doesn't like to get close to his boss to go to the leader's house to pay New Year's greetings. The reason is that if you are always so high-minded, when will you be promoted?She will ask men who are afraid of cockroaches to fight cockroaches. The reason is that if you are so timid, who will protect me if there are robbers in the house?She even asked men who don't like watching TV to sit in front of the TV every day, on the grounds that they should start watching TV to care about national affairs.
Regardless of men and women, if you are being asked every day, if you meet some requirements, you will have to wait in line for more requirements, and if you fail to meet some requirements, you will be blamed and punished. If it is difficult, anyone will get bored and run away, right?
"Because of love, I don't ask you anything anymore" and "Because of love, I can ask you anything", both states are actually reasonable.It's just that the former often exists in romantic love novels, while the latter can easily be flooded in life.
Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu used to be love models in the eyes of a friend.However, when she deeply studied the emotional world of idols, she couldn't help sighing that Yang Jiang is simply a "no problem". It's okay to answer.She never asked him to do things he was not good at or liked, and would rather do it by himself.
Whether it is a celebrity role model or a happy partner around them, "have demands on yourself and less demands on others" is almost their common feature.Because it is not easy to lose control when you make demands on yourself, and when you do it yourself, you know that it is not easy to meet the requirements, so you will naturally do what you can, and you will do what you can. In the end, it led to a breakdown in the relationship and blamed others for not seeking to make progress, and their ability to bear was too poor.
If it is too difficult for you to be a "Miss It's Okay" like Yang Jiang, at least you should grasp one thing: your request must not be as comprehensive as a blog, updated every day.Of course, you will always feel that your demands are not too much. However, those trivial demands are more likely to scare away men.Because that is basically not a requirement, but a restraint—an extremely serious, inhuman, and unnecessary restraint.
gender equality is stupid
Two men are placed in front of a girl.One asks her for help with any difficulties, tells her about any difficulties, and treats her like a family member; the other asks friends for help when he has difficulties, shoulders it by himself when he is in trouble, and takes care of her like a leader.She asked which one should I choose?I say option B without hesitation.
"However, I think A is more friendly. Does B have a little masculinity?"
Girls in love like to talk about equality in everything, because they are afraid that men will take themselves as a burden.If he runs a company short of money, you borrow it; when he has conflicts with his buddies, you act as a fire extinguisher;You pretend to be the Iron Lady, and think that only by doing so, will men who are "under increasing pressure" marry themselves without hesitation.But obviously, you only guessed the beginning, but not the ending.
A woman who is too capable has cultivated a man who is too dependent, and the little machismo in them is blown away by the fragrant wind.In the following days, when you make a lot of money, he takes it for granted, because you can act like a baby with the boss, and you have a gender advantage; When the aunt came, she was not taken care of, because the book said that men also have those few days, so why should you not cook or wash clothes for those few days; even when you gave birth, he didn’t think it was necessary Anyway, it's only natural for women to have children.
There is a type of men who never feel that women are weak, and hold up their hands and feet in agreement with equality between men and women.When a woman is overwhelmed by maternal love and is dazzled by the word "equality", it is easy to fall in love with this kind of "ask her for help in any difficulty, tell her any suffering, and treat her like a relative" A man, because he made her feel important.However, in real life, "heavy" is getting more and more "heavy", and it is very difficult to "get".
You ask him for money, and he says it’s not that you don’t make money; Mother-in-law every day.Anyway, you have already passed the test of resistance when you were in love. Since you can carry everything and you don't show weakness at all, why should he give you so much love?
The so-called love each other, you can't escape and forget each other in the rivers and lakes, and often the second half of the sentence is the key point.I kind of like Li Xiangshan in the movie "If You Are the One 2", rough, pure man, domineering.Although the marriage with Mango didn't go all the way, at least he held a decent divorce ceremony for the woman he loved; he spent his whole life running around for money, so he didn't want his daughter to work for money for a minute.He must not feel that he is equal to women.
(End of this chapter)
Master Xing and Yu Wenfeng's ten-year relationship ended for a very old-fashioned reason: the woman hated marriage, but the man refused to propose.People familiar with the matter said that the woman proposed to break up half a year ago, and the man agreed indifferently. It was not until now that the paparazzi took a photo of Yu Wenfeng and Xinhuan's fingers interlocking.
From the age of 29 to 39, although it is not the best age, it is also the most important ten years for a woman. If it is placed on ordinary women who hate married women, it is easy to fall from a setback and become a "three-year-old who hates herself, hates men and hates the world." hate women".Yu Wenfeng didn't have it, which doesn't mean how strong she is. What can be inferred is that she kept her hole card from the beginning. This hole card is the willingness and happiness of this world, not for a certain promise or hope in the future.Now, when she chooses to quit, it must not be because she is discouraged, but because she has new requirements, and he failed to meet them.
In love, the same result, because everyone's purpose is different, feelings are often completely opposite.To put it more bluntly, it can be said that there is no gain or loss in love, it all depends on what you think.The plot that often appears in romance TV dramas is that a woman gives a lot and gets very little. While crying, others blame her for not being smart, but she stubbornly says, I only care for my heart. "For my heart" does have some metaphysical suspicions, but it is always a little higher than "I want to marry him" or "I want to make him happy".At least, no matter the future is bitter or happy, you will do it for yourself, so what is there to complain about?When Fei Peng fell in love, Faye Wong faced the kind reminder that "Li Yapeng is a big liar", and said calmly: I am a person who puts love above life. One day I meet a plumber in the elevator, and love will fall in love. You guys Let me be careful about this and that, I'm not happy.The implication is that even if I love a liar, that is my business.
Yu Wenfeng knew from the beginning that Master Xing was a man who feared marriage, and Faye Wong knew from the beginning that Li Yapeng was the legendary philandering radish. If they were not for their own happiness and understood their own ability to bear it, but held the idea of saving men The naive fantasy of turning the world around will probably turn into the most terrifying bitter woman in the end.
Selfish thoughts are likely to produce selfless flowers, but so-called selfless dedication often reaps unflattering results.Because in love, if you can't put yourself as the first priority, there will be a lot of complaints. In the end, even the happiness that you should enjoy is regarded as doing good deeds by learning from Lei Feng in order to become a model.However, it is not difficult to be Lei Feng for a day in love, but it is difficult to be Lei Feng for a lifetime. Physicist Hawking has asserted that human beings cannot overcome the nature of "greed and selfishness". So, what you call the greed that is temporarily hidden for the sake of love And selfishness, once there is a deviation between your goal and the result, it will intensify and explode.
Every time I meet a girl crying and saying, I did this for him.I felt like I was watching a horror movie.This sentence is equivalent to denying all the past feelings between the two.Love is a matter between two people, the key word is not dedication but sharing.If a certain party, without your knowledge at all, does things that you think "you are happy so she is happy" without any pleasure or even bitter hatred, the tragedy is no different from two people having sex, and she groans , You think that people are enjoying sex, but you don't know that people are being raped and still pretending to orgasm.
When someone says, I did this for you, we should actually kneel down and beg for mercy in accordance with the nonsensical principle of Master Xing: Please think for yourself, don't do it for me, I have already thought too much for me.
Since human beings cannot overcome the greed and selfishness in their nature, there must be a very powerful extension behind "It's all for you" - demand.Because I have dedicated these things to you, you must repay me in the future. If you don't repay me, you will die as a wolf-hearted dog.This trick is a bit cruel, but it is a pity that the sky does not fulfill people's wishes. Often those who work hard on "dedication" will die from overwork first, while those who work hard on "self" will live their lives.
In love, everyone will give, as long as this kind of giving does not exceed one's own cards, it can all be regarded as a kind of gain.Falling in love with a "hooligan" is because he can bring you passion that a good man cannot give; falling in love with a married man is because his human, material and financial resources are at the best stage of life; I also experienced the pleasure of living in a sojourn; endured a cheating man, because he fulfilled your dream of being a KGB; if you feel that you have nothing but pain, but you are still willing to be with him, it can only mean that he has satisfied you Incomparably powerful cravings in masochistic terms.In short, if you are willing to be with him, it must be because of what you have gained from him.If you can’t face this point squarely, whatever you do will be regarded as dedication by yourself, and whatever he does will be blamed by you.
Love is the happiest thing in the world, there is no need for Lei Feng.Those who are keen to play Lei Feng end up just to satisfy their own pleasure of being morally superior to others. From this point of view, those students who are superior have nothing to complain about.
The leftover women should stay away from each other
A friend ended her ten-year marriage last spring and desperately wanted someone to take over.It's a pity that after more than a year, she didn't even talk about a relationship.Looking at her Weibo, there are always interactions with leftover women or literary young women, which are somewhat sad and inspirational.However, with a discerning eye, one can tell that both are depression patients, how can they walk into the sun hand in hand?
Birds of a feather flock together.A divorced woman likes to be friends with a divorced woman, and a married woman who hates a married woman is willing to chat with a married woman who hates a married woman. First, they have a common language, and second, their emotions are compatible. The most important thing is that the existence of the other party is conducive to alleviating their worries—— "It turns out that there are many people like me in the world, at least before they get married, I am not alone." On the surface, this is a positive emotion, but in fact it condones weakness and procrastination.
The world is so big, it will never be difficult to find someone with the same fate.The key question is, do you cherish your little life, or do you want to change your destiny?If a Loser wants to change his destiny, but hangs around with countless Losers all day long, regrets the first love he didn't hold tightly, complains that good men are other people's husbands, and treats the men he meets on blind dates as jokes one after another , How can we get the favor of fate?
Your life is lively, but you will always be in a cold sweat when you dream back at midnight.
False friendships exist among women, especially among single women who hate marriage.
There is a story about a pair of leftover girlfriends who depended on each other for food, drink and fun every day, and sometimes went on blind dates together. The happiest thing was to call the man they met during the blind date a pig.Later, A got acquainted with a very emotional man and began to fall in love, and B kept calling and texting her like crazy.Once, A came back late at night with her boyfriend and found B waiting at her door with disheveled hair, saying that she was in a bad mood and needed to drink.So A had to dismiss her boyfriend and drink with B.After so many times, A's prospective husband was disturbed by B.Suddenly, B got married without warning.
People in similar situations are more likely to form competition.On the surface, everyone will say, I wish you to find the right one as soon as possible, but in private, everyone is afraid that they are the one who is alone.In this state of mind, even if it is not intentional, each other will become a stumbling block for the other to find true love.
Whether in the group of divorced women or the group of older unmarried women, men will be described as particularly unseemly. Why?Because no one can describe them objectively.On the one hand, this is naturally due to their own understanding, and on the other hand, it is absolutely subjective unwillingness.How could he explain his failure if he didn't describe the man in such a bad way?If you don't make men so miserable, how can you stop your friends from valuing sex and despising friends at every turn, and burning themselves with lust?
Some people will say, you are really extreme, in fact, we often plan to find a good man when we are together.In fact, talking about the future in vague terms is always empty talk.It's like a young man who never studied hard and didn't spend time and effort to obtain a certificate, but said that he must work hard to live a good life.Unrealistic expectations are worse than no expectations, because they are always deceiving you, giving you an excuse to continue a comfortable life that is increasingly deviating from your goals.
You clamor all day long about falling in love and getting married, but you have created a small circle of men in your actions. You have said countless times that you will find a man to join hands with you for the rest of your life, but you have serious doubts about the possibility of a long time in your mind. Then, it will really happen Have an obedient apple that falls on top of your head?
The kind of person you want to be, with the kind of people, and the kind of life you want to live, get close to those who have already lived such a life.It takes a lot of courage to do so than it takes to be close to one's own kind.At first, you may be constantly irritated, self-pitying, and even feeling that you have lost all your advantages and are useless.However, if you really become friends, you will not only be able to see the harmonious side of love, but also realize that any beauty has a price. Your "happy" friend actually has many unexpected troubles, and these are You have never understood before.
Comfortable things often make us stagnate, and uncomfortable things make us grow, unless you want to be a poor student in love forever.
Marry well if you do well
Girls often confide to me: My boyfriend has a good family background and loves me, but he just doesn’t talk about marriage, and my conditions are not bad, so why?
I curiously asked her why she felt that her condition was not bad, and she said confidently: I am young and beautiful.As far as I know, she hasn't had a job for more than half a year since she graduated. Her daily interest is to keep fit except eating, drinking and having fun.
We often blame men for being shallow, yet we can't help but try to please men in the shallowest way possible, and if it hurts, who is to blame?
The most watched event in the entertainment industry in 2010 was Zhang Yuqi's love affair with a wealthy family that Zhang Yuqi had painstakingly managed for several years but had no results.The man is a well-known young man in the capital with hundreds of millions of fortunes, and has a mother who speaks like an empress dowager.After the big S incident, the catering brand owned by Ming Shao and Mom became famous in Taiwan.It is rumored that Zhang Yuqi from Shaoshe switched to Big S because the Empress Dowager didn't like Zhang Yuqi's disputes with Master Xing.Anyone with a discerning eye can see this matter at a glance. The young mother's dissatisfaction is not that the prospective daughter-in-law caused disputes, but that she knocked down a tree that was good for shade. Obviously, the speed of career development has not kept up with the needs of the family.And those who ridiculed Big S's workaholics can finally be silent. They have a marriage while doing business, and it's very enviable.
For those women who regard marriage as "pie falling from the sky" and hope to enjoy the achievements of men's struggle through a marriage letter, men are actually like a mirror in their hearts.It's not that they don't want to do this kind of thing for love, but that the world is dangerous and it's not easy for men.If faced with the same love, a woman with average appearance can add to his career, and a beautiful woman can only be placed as a vase at home, their choice must be to fall in love with the latter and marry the former.
Han Han once said that even if he sold blood, he would not let his woman go out to make money, and thus became the most man-like man in China.However, when his plain-looking wife surfaced, everyone realized that she did not need to work for others, but she was truly working for Classmate Han, and it was a real money-making job, not a traditional one. "Marriage workers" who do housework and have children.
Coincidentally, it is Jiang Wen.He boasted that his ideal partner is a "bench wife", and he hates women being busy the most, but over the years, none of the women who have had a deep relationship with him is idle.When he debuted, his wife was Liu Xiaoqing, a big sister who was 12 years older than him. She helped him achieve his dream of being a director; later he married a French girlfriend, got a French green card and gave birth to a stunning daughter; Shang's daughter got married, not only added a son, but also added money that could be used to make movies.
We always teach women not to waste every relationship we have, but few people can do it, but this man Jiang Wen has really done it.
The proposition of "marrying well is worse than doing well" has been discussed for nearly ten years. Just as young girls are brainwashed and suddenly realize that they can get long-term meal tickets through marriage, the morals of the world have actually changed quietly.More and more men agree that their wives are for use, so the path of "doing well and marrying well" is fiercer than the recruitment of employees by Fortune 500 companies.
The so-called blind dates for the rich organized by the blind date club, wave after wave of young and pretty girls who have nothing but young and beautiful, join them with hope, but they don't know that it is at best a signing event for the rich.These young women wasted their youth on the way to find and conquer rich men, and accidentally became leftover women, while those rich men who claimed to be unmarried suddenly married rich women who were not young, and like Uncle Zhou Libo, said That's the person I spent half my life waiting for.
If you can't figure it out, why should he marry a rich woman when he is already so rich?He is already so successful, why should he marry someone who can help him to the next level?Well, let's just stop thinking about others so utilitarianly.Since you can keep saying that you are not all for money, but because the rich man is indeed more temperamental than other men, the man can also say that he is not for her to help him, and the economic base determines the vision, what he wants is just a A lifelong partner with a wide field of vision, preferably able to look at the world.
"Women must be very independent, very independent, in order to be loved by men." Li Jiaxin's famous saying can basically represent the aspirations of women who "do a good job and marry well". Going to take care of her own beauty salon with a big belly, she has proved with her actions that even if she is married, she still has to strive for self-improvement.
When love rises to marriage, utilitarianism is always inevitable, women or men, whoever says it is vulgar is just laughing at it.Since we can't control other people's standards, only ourselves can manage well.
Gao Pan is not serious
A met a man on a blind date. He has good appearance and family conditions.After being in a long-distance relationship for a while, A went to his city, and the two of them buried the skylight, which was considered a solid relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend.However, after a while, the man told A: My mother wants me to find a girl who can do business.The implication is that A can't help him in his career, he can be in love, but it may be difficult to get married.
A is extremely entangled, and can only treat the man desperately, hoping that he can break through prejudice.The development of things can be imagined, the more A pays, the less he gets. In the end, the man begins to enjoy her goodness with peace of mind, but he has absolutely no sense of responsibility.He was determined for her, but she was sad and anxious but did not dare to take the initiative to break up, worrying that if she missed it, she would never find a man with such good conditions again.
I told A: You complicate things.The point is not whether you will miss it, but whether you never had it.
My baby is one and a half years old now.From the age of one, she liked to tiptoe to reach objects on tables taller than her.The results are usually tragic, as a falling apple happens to hit her on the nose or a china plate falls to the floor and shatters her bones.
It is human nature to like to climb high. The more things we can't reach, the more attractive they are to us.The luck of children is that they are constantly growing taller, and what is out of reach this year will be easily accessible next year.If a woman maintains a childlike and efficient growth throughout her life, then those who used to feel high will be able to join hands in a few years and be at the same level.
I want every girl to look back and feel like this - what she wanted so much in the past, now seems like nothing more.However, just as children stop growing taller at a certain age, so women stop improving at a certain age, so often when they want to use marriage to lock in a man who needs to be tiptoed to get them, their own growth stops.
It is not love that needs to be deliberately managed, but relationship that needs to be painstakingly grasped.When the diaosi girl tries to manage her relationship with Gao Shuaifu, the beauty of love is slowly fading.In fact, the thing is very obvious, any man with a little bit of emotional intelligence, and any man who wants to develop a long-term relationship with the other party, will not use his mother's mouth to block the way for a girl to marry him from the very beginning.All the "my mother said" in the world are just excuses from men, either he thinks the same way himself, or he hasn't figured out how to think about it yet.
People are always obsessed with the feeling of tiptoeing to reach things, and we never feel that we are not strong enough.It's not a bad thing to want to challenge the feeling of climbing high.If A can be like a well-grown child, while challenging the relationship, grow wildly and become a successful female boss, and even one day, she may take the initiative.But if she just wants to deal with him through a small confession, by improving cooking skills, improving bed skills and other little women's methods, the result is at best that he will remember her kindness when he marries someone else.
In the story of Cinderella and the prince, Cinderella never worried that the prince would dislike her life experience. She stayed in the kitchen calmly, waiting for the masochistic prince to come to her door.Although this is a fairy tale, it also has a simple love truth.
The initial pattern of love determines the ultimate relationship.Both caring about is the best way to start.Women don't care, men do, and that's a good start.If it starts in a way that the man doesn't care and the woman cares, it is usually difficult to go far.The reason is simple: men can conquer women, but women can only conquer themselves.
I told A that the moment a woman feels like a high climber, she has already lost the relationship.
The bottom line is what you have
A friend, ten years after leaving his original company, often dreamed that he was hunted down by his former boss.Now, she is her own boss and has the capital to "chasing and killing" others. Looking back, she said that her former boss is definitely not a demon wearing Prada, and even in the eyes of others, she is still wearing Chanel. This nightmarish experience was really due to the fact that he was new to the workplace, lacked a bottom line, and looked like a cucumber on a chopping board—undershoot.
This is a world where "bad guys" are in power.If you don’t know how to become ruthless at some point, then not only success will be far away from you, even the undemanding comfort and plainness will be squeezed less and less, because you are not a cucumber and will not willingly Was photographed as a side dish.
"But why can't people be honest with each other?" Those who are frustrated in the workplace or injured in love often ask tearfully and vomit blood.It's good to be honest with each other, but the more basic relationship between people is to test the bottom line.There are many offensive players in this world, and not everyone deserves to be honest with you. In other words, before the work of testing the bottom line is completed, being honest with each other is basically equivalent to "finding a shot".
Looking around us, it is not difficult to find that some people have changed several companies, and their roles will always be doormats; some people have changed several boyfriends, and their roles will always be the heroines.Why are they always the ones who are unkind?
When actor Zhang Jingchu responded to the incident of refusing to drink at a high price, she said meaningfully: "What kind of aura you are, you will attract what kind of people." people, and even inspired the little bit of evil hidden deep in the originally kind people.Everyone is stubborn, and everyone hopes to have the opportunity to bully others.This "other" just falls on your head, because you don't have the courage to say "never" like Webster or Zhang Jingchu.
Many people who think they have a bottom line, their bottom line will change as things change.A girl who set "boyfriend cheating" as the bottom line for breaking up, but when things came to an end, she was struggling with whether this man lost his virginity after drinking or voluntarily, whether he dedicated himself or someone else came to his door.A woman who kept saying she couldn't accept the AA system was shaken when she met a man who claimed to be worth tens of millions but insisted on eating with her under the AA system. The reason was that this man's conditions were too good, and maybe he was just testing me.A person who can't accept a friend's betrayal regains trust in him under the rhetoric of the friend who betrayed him. The reason is that it is not easy to meet a friend who knows everything.
If we want, we can always find many reasons to lower our bottom line, and these reasons are not bad.However, you will gradually become a person who no longer clearly understands what you need. Your bottom line and destiny are all in the hands of others. The only thing you have to pray for is to meet a boss, friend and boyfriend with a conscience. It will not be fun to challenge your bottom line.
The real bottom line means "never", means unchangeable, means no "maybe" and "or".Letting one's bottom line drop again and again is equivalent to having no bottom line.And truly smart people will not expose their bottom line lightly. The bottom line they show is always a little bit higher than their real bottom line. "If you want to get 100%, then you'd better ask for 120%; if you only ask for 100%, then you can get 80% satisfaction at most." This iron law of business negotiation is suitable for any negotiation table in life .
The bottom line is a game of the brave, often to the death and survival of us.The pain of Nirvana is as deep as the joy of rebirth, so many people would rather give up the bottom line and live in this cruel world that never forgets the little warmth that attracts us.Although giving up the bottom line and regaining what we want is no longer what we want, it seems to be a little bit less painful than sticking to the bottom line and losing it in an instant.However, it is a kind of endless suffering, a kind of suffering of constantly falling into the bottomless abyss, a kind of suffering that is destined to only play a supporting role in life.
The bottom line will not make us happy immediately, but it will make us live with more dignity, and in a long life experience, dignity is the ultimate happiness.
When you learn to stick to the bottom line, others can learn to stop before your bottom line and be a little fox or rose willing to be tamed by you.When you learn to stick to the bottom line, when your youth comes to an end, when you suddenly look back, you will not hold a handful of unreliable bad cards in your hand.
Stick to the bottom line, you may not get everything you want, but what you get must not be what you don't want to get.
Cuscuta's life is a misunderstanding
More than 30 years ago, a young girl named Shu Ting wrote "To the Oak Tree".The general idea is that people who really love each other are not the relationship between climbing and being climbed, but "I must be a kapok next to you, standing with you as the image of a tree".Young girls at that time often had the ambition to be a kapok tree, because their mothers or grandmothers were often dodders who had no ambitions, ambitions or even jobs.
In the past years, the dodder women were quite sad. There was no three-bedroom apartment in Wangjing, no LV, and no afternoons in beauty salons. Studying women's classics and doing housework.There are many things to do, but there is no status at all, because after all, no matter how troublesome or trivial you can do, you must be grateful to the man for giving you the opportunity to do it.
In China in the 80s and [-]s, women's sense of independence was far stronger than it is now.Women who can earn wages are not only envied by the same sex, but also sought after by the opposite sex.What's more, the job was stable at that time, and there was not a big gap between the rich and the poor.The happiness of the kapok tree is as simple as what Cui Jian sang in Geer: You covered my eyes with a piece of red cloth, and I said I saw happiness.
Nowadays, it is not easy to be a female kapok.If you can’t be like Xu Jinglei and Fan Bingbing, who are pure men and say: what do I marry a rich man? Then he sighed sadly: It's a pity that the deposit is only five thousand.The safflower has become a golden flower, and buying flowers and wearing them by oneself is not something that can be solved by lip service.
The world provides women with more material temptations, but it does not provide them with more employment opportunities and more opportunities for professional skills growth. Clinging has almost become the only choice for most female compatriots who want to live a good life.In other words, in a world where men still firmly hold the right to speak and mainstream values, talking about women's rights is actually very literary and nihilistic.
From the poetess Shu Ting forward, time goes back 1000 years, Li Bai, a male poet who is good at describing mountains and rivers and expressing lofty ambitions, has a rare long poem "Ancient Ideas" about the love of children, which describes the lament of a dodder woman: " The gentleman is a female dill grass, and the concubine is a dodder flower. The light strips do not lead themselves, but to chase the spring breeze." What a literary and artistic little freshness, but it is a pity that after three or five shots, the situation changes suddenly: "The female dill emits fragrance, and the dodder cuts people off. Intestines! The branches are entangled, and the leaves are fluttering." The clinging of your love and my wish has turned into a tangle, and there is no other, because there are too many flowers to cling to, and secondly, it is a tree with a strong physique and a developed male thinking. Therefore, it is bound to be my bounden duty to save a few more dodder flowers.
Which is easier to be a qualified dodder flower or a qualified kapok?The answer is usually dodder.Because on the surface, it doesn't need to experience wind and rain, she can climb as high as the tree grows, even if you are not Li Zekai, as long as you can climb him, you can become Liang Luoshi.
However, the relationship between dodder flowers and trees has never been a one-to-one correspondence.It is determined by the genes of humans or organisms that stronger species want to occupy more weaker species.
Women have stayed on the road of kapok trees for a long time, running non-stop for their own material desires, and feel that dodder flowers are very beautiful.I accidentally made dodder flowers, only to realize that "without that diamond, I shouldn't be doing this porcelain work."
There are actually only two choices for us: one is to be a kapok tree, grow desperately, and in a place closer to the sky, say with a smile: Even if I can’t meet a good man, I am still a good woman.The second is to be a dodder flower, attached to a beautiful tree, and fill your head with famous bags and fancy clothes.However, you can be the heroine of a Qiong Yao drama, "Sing softly for him, and caress makes love bloom lightly", but you must never force the other party to be the heroine of a Qiong Yao drama, that is obviously not in line with the laws of nature.
Of course, there is a third way that should not be called a road, that is, to become a blood-sucking dodder flower, which turns the tree into a big tree after it becomes yellow and emaciated.But to be honest, such a woman is after all a kapok tree covered with dodder bark. If her life does not succeed by climbing a man, she will succeed by relying on other things, but it may be a little bit later.
Nothing to do, a common love problem of a strong woman
Friend C complained to me about the gloomy life.The dark culprit is his handsome and powerful husband. He is machismo, loves socializing, does not understand emotional communication, treats friends better than his wife, etc. His crimes can be described as numerous.Looking at her sad and indignant face, I couldn't help but think of her first two love affairs.The first one is gentle and considerate, and regards her as a jewel in the mouth and a treasure in the palm of her hand. She thinks she is sissy and unprincipled; the second one is romantic, affectionate and considerate.She often said that my requirements are not high at all, but I just hope that he will be independent outside and be gentle and considerate inside.
A woman in an emotional crisis may talk about her love requirements as plainly as clothes on a street stall, but upon closer inspection, she is actually low-key like a maid in her mouth, but high-key like a princess in her heart, and she just wants to choose from the clothes on the street stall. Out of a PRADA.
For the daughter of an ordinary family, the man she is facing is actually like a piece of clothing on the ground.Good color, good quality, good style, and cheap price are four conditions, and you can choose at most two of them. If you choose cheap price, good style, and require high quality, then the pain is not caused by others, but by others. You found it yourself.
I often advise my friend C to look more at Mr.'s strengths.At least he can make money, and he is not stingy about spending money on his wife. Although he doesn't pay much attention to his wife's emotional needs, he is very keen on building a good relationship with his wife's family.She said: But these are not what I want.In fact, I am also very confused about what she wants. In the nearly ten years I have been with her, all I have seen is that she gets what she wants and doesn't want what she wants.
Nothing to worry about, it sounds like perfectionism, and it sounds like you can't figure out how much you weigh.Someone makes you a delicious braised pork, and when it is brought to you, you say: "The aroma and taste are good, but the color is not good. In my mind, the delicacies must have "color", and only "color" can be tasted. It is the most important part of whetting the appetite.If the standard is higher, the color and smell of braised pork are good, you have something to say: I am KEPP FIT, but do you know how unpalatable his fried cabbage is?
The so-called perfectionism, to put it bluntly, means that the heart is higher than the sky, and the fate is thinner than the paper. The higher the heart, the thinner the life.For example, Lu Xiaoman, a famous socialite, first married a soldier husband who was rich and powerful, but she lamented that he didn’t understand love at all when she had nothing to worry about; after she married a great poet who understood love, she couldn’t stand the fact that there are still people in the world There's such a thing as frugal living.As a result, he became a widow at a young age. Instead of blaming his poor fate, he might as well blame himself for being greedy.
Get the ideal love, live the ideal life, yes.But everyone needs to adjust their ideals in time in the face of reality.What you get is your happiness, what you can't get, no matter how happy you are, it has nothing to do with you.
If you happen to be the most unlucky one in the last 5000 years, your life dream is an egg, but you get a ping pong ball.The most important thing is definitely not to transform the ping-pong ball into an egg, but to quickly put the ping-pong ball out of the way and find another egg.It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, what you are afraid of is making a mistake.However, it is very likely that when you decided to find an egg, you thought of some benefits of table tennis, so you hesitated.Although you may attribute this to your reluctance to bear children or the lingering love of your family, the essence is that you have no "lifelong ideals" at all, but suffer from a common disease of Delong Wangshu.When you say "I don't really care that he gets more money back, I just hope he stays with me at home more", what you think in your heart is that you want to get back a lot of money and stay at home with me .If he believed your words and changed to a job with less money and more time, it would be no wonder if you didn't call him useless.Fortunately, the vast majority of men are sober when faced with this situation: Anyway, I can't meet your requirements, so I might as well go my own way and let you carry your shoes.So, can we also be a sober woman: Anyway, the tug-of-war of love hurts both sides, so it is better to enjoy what we have already got to the extreme.
A person who knows balance and moderation, even if what he gets is not what he originally wanted, he can always persuade himself to look at those possessions with gratitude.
Love is most afraid of demands
I went to the amusement park with my friends on Sunday, and a girlfriend insisted on forcing her boyfriend to ride a roller coaster with her.That man was naturally timid and never dared to play exciting games. Everyone interceded for him.But the girlfriend seemed to have eaten the weight, and even forced her boyfriend to submit by saying "if you love me, ride the roller coaster with me".The man sat up helplessly, but when he came down, his face was pale and he vomited continuously.
Afterwards, a man who had just ended a relationship sighed: "It's terrible. Why do women always have so many demands once the relationship is deep?"
More than one male friend told me that when love reaches a certain point, you will get bored.Women often mistakenly think that this is a manifestation of a man's playfulness, but in fact it is just because a man loves to escape.escape from what?A multitude of requirements.
Is there a request wrong?No.When you have a request for a person, it must be because of a sense of intimacy.We don't bother to ask for anything from the pedestrians we meet on the road and the elder brother in the office next door.However, closeness and demand cannot be completely equal.Having requirements can only mean that you are not close to the point of knowing each other, so you need to constantly see the other person meet your requirements to prove that love is not empty.
The party who needs to be satisfied takes it for granted that if he loves me, he will be happy to satisfy my requirements. In fact, he overestimates the power of love.Haven't you heard that "Love is precious, freedom is more expensive"?Besides, the party who is constantly being asked can also think, if you love me, don't make so many trivial demands on me.
If men and women are compared to universities, men are Chinese universities, which pursue strict entry and wide exit, while women are American universities, which pursue lenient entry and strict exit.
In love, men are not without demands.For example, before falling in love, he will care about the girl's measurements, occupation, temperament and so on.Once it's done, most men don't bother to make any more demands even if they find that the other party is not satisfactory.And women tend to beautify everything at the beginning of their relationship.A man who is afraid of watching horror movies, women think he is cute; a man who doesn't like to flatter his boss, women think he has integrity; a man who never says I love you, women think he is cool; a man who doesn't make a lot of money , women think he is a potential stock.As the relationship deepens, men become simple and women become complicated.At the beginning, she loved him because he was special, but now, she tried every means to obliterate his specialness, because a man with characteristics and personality made her feel insecure.
She would ask a man who doesn't like to get close to his boss to go to the leader's house to pay New Year's greetings. The reason is that if you are always so high-minded, when will you be promoted?She will ask men who are afraid of cockroaches to fight cockroaches. The reason is that if you are so timid, who will protect me if there are robbers in the house?She even asked men who don't like watching TV to sit in front of the TV every day, on the grounds that they should start watching TV to care about national affairs.
Regardless of men and women, if you are being asked every day, if you meet some requirements, you will have to wait in line for more requirements, and if you fail to meet some requirements, you will be blamed and punished. If it is difficult, anyone will get bored and run away, right?
"Because of love, I don't ask you anything anymore" and "Because of love, I can ask you anything", both states are actually reasonable.It's just that the former often exists in romantic love novels, while the latter can easily be flooded in life.
Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu used to be love models in the eyes of a friend.However, when she deeply studied the emotional world of idols, she couldn't help sighing that Yang Jiang is simply a "no problem". It's okay to answer.She never asked him to do things he was not good at or liked, and would rather do it by himself.
Whether it is a celebrity role model or a happy partner around them, "have demands on yourself and less demands on others" is almost their common feature.Because it is not easy to lose control when you make demands on yourself, and when you do it yourself, you know that it is not easy to meet the requirements, so you will naturally do what you can, and you will do what you can. In the end, it led to a breakdown in the relationship and blamed others for not seeking to make progress, and their ability to bear was too poor.
If it is too difficult for you to be a "Miss It's Okay" like Yang Jiang, at least you should grasp one thing: your request must not be as comprehensive as a blog, updated every day.Of course, you will always feel that your demands are not too much. However, those trivial demands are more likely to scare away men.Because that is basically not a requirement, but a restraint—an extremely serious, inhuman, and unnecessary restraint.
gender equality is stupid
Two men are placed in front of a girl.One asks her for help with any difficulties, tells her about any difficulties, and treats her like a family member; the other asks friends for help when he has difficulties, shoulders it by himself when he is in trouble, and takes care of her like a leader.She asked which one should I choose?I say option B without hesitation.
"However, I think A is more friendly. Does B have a little masculinity?"
Girls in love like to talk about equality in everything, because they are afraid that men will take themselves as a burden.If he runs a company short of money, you borrow it; when he has conflicts with his buddies, you act as a fire extinguisher;You pretend to be the Iron Lady, and think that only by doing so, will men who are "under increasing pressure" marry themselves without hesitation.But obviously, you only guessed the beginning, but not the ending.
A woman who is too capable has cultivated a man who is too dependent, and the little machismo in them is blown away by the fragrant wind.In the following days, when you make a lot of money, he takes it for granted, because you can act like a baby with the boss, and you have a gender advantage; When the aunt came, she was not taken care of, because the book said that men also have those few days, so why should you not cook or wash clothes for those few days; even when you gave birth, he didn’t think it was necessary Anyway, it's only natural for women to have children.
There is a type of men who never feel that women are weak, and hold up their hands and feet in agreement with equality between men and women.When a woman is overwhelmed by maternal love and is dazzled by the word "equality", it is easy to fall in love with this kind of "ask her for help in any difficulty, tell her any suffering, and treat her like a relative" A man, because he made her feel important.However, in real life, "heavy" is getting more and more "heavy", and it is very difficult to "get".
You ask him for money, and he says it’s not that you don’t make money; Mother-in-law every day.Anyway, you have already passed the test of resistance when you were in love. Since you can carry everything and you don't show weakness at all, why should he give you so much love?
The so-called love each other, you can't escape and forget each other in the rivers and lakes, and often the second half of the sentence is the key point.I kind of like Li Xiangshan in the movie "If You Are the One 2", rough, pure man, domineering.Although the marriage with Mango didn't go all the way, at least he held a decent divorce ceremony for the woman he loved; he spent his whole life running around for money, so he didn't want his daughter to work for money for a minute.He must not feel that he is equal to women.
(End of this chapter)
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