got windy

Chapter 2 Spring

It is already March.

One afternoon, I took a stroll in the garden as usual, and then stopped by Setsuko's house.As soon as he entered the door, in the bushes next to the door, he saw Setsuko's father wearing the straw hat that workers often wear, holding garden shears in one hand, and trimming the trees.Even in this appearance, I recognized him immediately, and then I pushed aside the branches like a child and approached him.After saying two or three pleasantries, I just stood there, looking curiously at him who was working as if admiring something rare. ——In this way, if you fully integrate into the bushes, you will find that on the small branches here and there, there are white things shining from time to time, which are flower buds that are about to bloom.

"Recently, she has also become more energetic." Setsuko's father suddenly raised his head, turned to me, and talked about Setsuko who had just engaged me in a marriage contract recently.

"Since you are already energetic, should you change to a convalescent environment?"

"That's good too..." I said vaguely, pretending to be attracted and interested in a sparkling bud in front of me from just now.

"Then you have to help find a suitable place..." Setsuko's father didn't care about my appearance at the moment, and then said: "Setsuko said that he didn't know anything about the nursing homes in F area. But you It seems that you know the dean over there, don't you?"

"Uh." While I was absent-mindedly perfunctory, I pulled the flower bud that I had been watching just now to my hand.

"However, it's okay for her to go alone in that kind of place, right?"

"All this time, everyone went alone."

"But, maybe Setsuko can't do it alone?"

Setsuko's father looked puzzled, but without looking at me, he snapped off the branch in front of him.Seeing this scene, I finally couldn't bear it anymore, and Setsuko's father was waiting for what I said to be blurted out.

"If that's the case, I can go together. The current work happens to be completed..."

As I said that, I gently let go of the branch with buds that I had struggled to reach.At the same time, I saw Setsuko's father's face suddenly brighten.

"If that's the case, there's nothing better. But——I'm a little sorry for you..."

We then discussed the situation in the mountainous region where the sanatorium is located.But, before we knew it, our conversation centered on the tree Setsuko's father had just pruned.At this time, the emotions felt by the two of them are the same, so even such endless conversations are full of fun...

"Is it time for Setsuko to get up?" After a while, I pretended to ask casually.

"Yeah, it's time to get up...please! It doesn't matter, let's go over there..." Setsuko's father pointed to the gate of the garden with the hand holding the garden shears.I tried my best to walk through the bushes, pushed open the wooden door that was difficult to open due to the entanglement of kudzu vines, and walked directly from the yard to the nearest isolated ward.This ward had previously been used as a studio.

Setsuko seemed to have known that I would be visiting, but she didn't expect me to come directly from the courtyard.She put a brightly colored coat over her pajamas, and lay on the bench like this, playing with a lady's hat with a thin ribbon that I had never seen before.

I watched her intently through the French doors and approached slowly.She probably also saw me, and she moved her body, as if she wanted to stand up subconsciously.But after all, he was still lying on his back like that, facing me, looking at me with a shy smile.

"Are you up?" I said hello while taking off my shoes in a little panic in front of the door.

"I planned to get up and have a look, but I was tired again immediately."

At the same time as she said this, she used a tired and weak gesture to throw the hat, which was not very useful and was just casually placed in her hand, to the dressing table next to her.But instead of falling where it should, the hat landed on the floor.I walked over, stooped so that my face almost touched her toes, and picked up the hat.This time it was my turn to play with the hat in my hand as she had just done.

Then I finally asked her, "What's the use of a hat like that?"

"This hat, although I don't know when I can wear it, but my father bought it yesterday... Isn't it a strange father?"

"This one was chosen by your father? What a good father... How about putting it on for me to see?" I half-jokingly put the hat on her head.

"Hate, don't do this..."

As she said this, she looked impatient and half-raised herself, as if trying to avoid the hat.Then, as if making excuses for himself, he showed a weak smile.Suddenly, she seemed to remember something, and combed her slightly fluffy hair with her obviously thinner hands.Although the gesture has no special meaning and is very natural, it is full of the charm of a young woman, almost like caressing me, making me feel a breathless sexy charm.Then I unconsciously looked away from her.

After a while, I gently put the hat that I have been playing with in my hand on the dressing table next to it.Then he seemed thoughtful and said nothing, his eyes still avoiding her.

"Are you upset?" She suddenly looked up at me and asked worriedly.

"No." I finally turned my gaze to her, but because I didn't know what to say, I had to say hastily, "Your father just said, are you really planning to go to a nursing home?"

"Yeah. Even though I don't know when I'll recover, but if I can recover soon, I can go anywhere. But..."

"What's the matter? But what?"

"It's nothing."

"It's okay, just tell it and listen... If you don't want to say it, then I will tell it for you. You want me to go with you, don't you?"

"That's not the case." She interrupted me eagerly.

But I ignored her and continued in a different, more serious tone with a slightly uneasy tone: "...No, even if you said: 'You don't have to come.' I will still go with you I went there together. However, although I wanted to do this, I was a little worried... Before I got along with you, I dreamed of going to a quiet mountain with a lovely girl like you, and spending two days Life in the human world. Didn’t I tell you this dream before? Heh, I said about the hut in the deep mountain. I didn’t know how to live in that kind of mountain. , I think that your intention to go to the sanitarium this time is precisely because of that dream that touched your heart...isn't it?"

She smiled as best she could and listened silently.Suddenly, without hesitation, she said:
"Those things, I have long forgotten."

Then, he looked at me with comforting eyes and said, "You often have sudden whims..."

After a few minutes, our expressions became as if nothing had happened to each other, and we looked lovingly at the already green lawn opposite the French doors.The lawn is steaming, and the spring is strong.

Now that April is here, Setsuko seems to be slowly recovering from her illness.The unbearable slow recovery step by step, on the contrary, makes people feel that it is a real basis.For us, this is an indescribable trust.

One afternoon, when I went to visit her home, her father was out and Setsuko was alone in the ward.She looked quite good that day, and she rarely changed the pajamas she usually wears into a rare blue shirt.When I saw her dressed like this, I would drag her to the courtyard no matter what.Although it was slightly windy, such a soft wind could only lift the mood.She smiled a little unconfidently, and finally agreed to me.Then she put her hand on my shoulder, and stepped cautiously out of the French doors, out onto the lawn, along the hedgerow, into the intertwined foliage of various foreign species middle.On this luxuriant flower bush, you can see small white, yellow or lavender flower buds everywhere, which are about to bloom.I stopped somewhere among the lush flowers, and suddenly remembered what she taught me to recognize flowers last autumn.

"Is this lilac?" I turned to her, half inquiring. "That may not be lilac." She put her hand lightly on my shoulder and said with a little regret.

"Hmph... so, so far, you've been lying?"

"I'm not lying, these are what I heard from others... But, there are not many good flowers now."

"I see. But now that the flowers are about to bloom, I confessed it! Could it be..." I pointed to the bush next to it, "What's that called?"

"Goldfinch?" she took the conversation.So we moved to the grove.

"This is indeed a gorse. Look, there are two kinds of flower buds, yellow and white. I heard that the white flower buds here are very rare...it is my father's pride..."

During this period of talking about these insignificant topics, Setsuko's hand never left my shoulder.Rather than saying she was tired, it was better to say she was leaning on my shoulder absent-mindedly.After that, we were silent with each other for a long, long time.It seems that in this way, this life, which is like the fragrance of flowers blooming, can be retained a little bit more.Sometimes a gentle breeze, like a pent-up breath, squeezes through the gaps in the opposite hedgerow, reaches the lush flowers in front of us, blows the leaves slightly, and then blows them past, leaving us like that intact in place .

Suddenly, she buried her face in the hands that had been resting on my shoulders.I could feel her heart beating much stronger than usual.

"Tired?" I asked her softly.

"No." She replied quietly, but gradually I felt her weight on my shoulders slowly increasing.

"I'm so weak, I'm so sorry..." She murmured, rather than being heard by me, I felt it.

"Although you are so weak, it makes me love you more. Why don't you understand..." I shouted anxiously in my heart, but on the surface I deliberately pretended not to hear it, and my body remained motionless.She suddenly raised her face that was turned away from me, and slowly moved her hands away from my shoulders, and said, "Why? I still look so timid at the moment? In the past few days, no matter how serious my illness is, I don't feel anything terrible... "

Her tone was low, as if she was muttering to herself.The silence that followed added to the level of concern.Suddenly, she raised her head high.I thought she was going to stare at me, but unexpectedly she lowered her head again and said in a slightly raised voice: "I, for some reason, suddenly want to live again..."

Then, she added in a small voice that seemed to be there, "Thanks to you..."

It was the summer when we first met two years ago, and I suddenly blurted out the verse that I always like to croon from time to time:

"The wind is blowing, try to survive."

The days that were once forgotten suddenly wake up in this verse. —the deepest moments in life, the days more vivid, carefree, and pleasant than life itself.

We started to make preparations for our trip to the Sanatorium at the foot of Yatsugatake at the end of the month.I seized the chance that the director of the sanitarium, who was not very close to me, came to Tokyo by chance, and asked him to make a medical diagnosis before Setsuko left.

One day, after some difficulty, the director of the department was invited to drive to Setsuko's home in the suburbs.After the initial diagnosis, the dean left a sentence: "It doesn't matter, well, come to the mountains for a year or two." After speaking, he hurried back.I sent him all the way to the station, hoping that he would tell me the most accurate information about Setsuko's illness that he had just told me.

"But...you don't need to tell the patient about such things. I plan to talk to her father in detail in the near future." The dean first said these opening remarks, and then with a slightly sad expression, he explained Setsuko's condition to me in great detail. explained. "Your complexion doesn't look good either. How about I help you check up on the way?" He said sympathetically.

When I came back from the station and entered the ward again, Setsuko's father was lying beside the patient, and the two of them were discussing when to leave for the nursing home.I pretended to be nonchalant and joined their discussion. "However..." Setsuko's father seemed to think of something, stood up, and said at the same time, "I have recovered to this point. After midsummer, everything will be better." After saying this inexplicable sentence , he left the ward.

The two of us were alone, but we suddenly fell silent at the same time.It was a veritable spring evening.I've been having a headache since just now, and now the pain is getting stronger and stronger.I didn't want her to notice, so I tiptoed to my feet, approached the glass door, opened it ajar, and leaned against it.For the next period of time, I just stayed in a trance like this, looking at the misty bushes opposite with empty eyes, thinking: "It smells so fragrant, what kind of flower fragrance is it..."

"what are you doing?"

Behind me, the patient's slightly hoarse voice sounded.The sound woke me unexpectedly from my paralyzed state.I still turned my back to her, as if I was still thinking about other things, and said in a pretentious tone: "I am thinking about your affairs, the mountain affairs, and what else, thinking about what we will do over there. Life……"

As I said these words intermittently, I realized that I was really thinking about these things just now.Yes, from now on, I have to seriously consider these things.

"Once you go there, there will really be a lot of things happening... But, the so-called life, just like what we have done for a long time, just let everything happen naturally... If we do this, maybe there will be things that we have never longed for. , I will also be rewarded." I even thought of such things in my heart, but I never noticed that I was already attracted by trivial feelings.

There was still twilight in the courtyard, but when I noticed it, the room was completely dark.

"Do you need to turn on the light?" I hurriedly pulled myself together and asked.

"Don't turn on the lights yet..." Her voice was hoarse than before.

Again we were silent for a while.

"I'm having trouble breathing, the smell of flowers and plants is too strong..."

"Then, I'll go and close the door."

Responding in mostly sad tones, I reached for the doorknob and pulled the door shut.

"You..." Her voice sounded almost neutral this time, "Are you crying right now?"

With a surprised expression on my face, I hurriedly turned to face her.

"Why are you crying...Look at me."

She didn't turn her face towards me from the inside of the bed, I couldn't be sure as the room was slightly dark, but she seemed to be staring at something intently.But when I followed her gaze uneasily, I only saw the sky.

"I know... I too... What Mr. Dean said to you just now..."

I wanted to answer this question immediately, but nothing came out of my mouth.I can only close the door silently, and look again at the courtyard where the dusk has already fallen.

After a while, I heard a deep sigh behind me.

"I'm so sorry." She finally spoke.There was still a little tremor in that voice, but it was much calmer than before. "I hope you... don't mind too much about these things... We will work hard to live in the future..." I turned my head and saw that after she wiped the corners of her eyes with her fingertips, her fingers never left there.

On a slightly cloudy morning in late April, Setsuko’s father sent us to the station, and we happily boarded the second-class compartment of the train bound for the mountain area in front of him as if we were going on a honeymoon.The train slowly left the platform, and Setsuko's father was left alone behind the car. He tried his best to pretend that nothing had happened, but his back was slightly hunched, as if he had suddenly aged suddenly.

When the train had completely left the platform, we closed the windows, and our expressions immediately became lonely.We sat down in a vacant corner of the second-class car, and we sat down on each other's knees, as if doing so could warm each other's hearts...

(End of this chapter)