Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 8 Don't doubt, this is the world you see (4)
This is a society that is too real to be real, a materialistic society, and a society full of utilitarianism.So, please don't expect anyone to accommodate you, even your family members, their accommodation is limited.

Think about yourself in the past, when we kept complaining to our parents because of difficulties in learning, the parents always looked at you lovingly and comforted you; When it's not good, your parents always listen carefully, and you don't realize at that time that constant complaining will annoy others.However, when you work, when you chat with colleagues and friends, when you get along with your significant other for a long time, they will not accommodate you like this. After all, parents’ accommodation is because of love, and they love you.When you are in school, your parents accommodate you because you are a child in their eyes. However, once you leave school, you are an adult in their eyes. They think that when you grow up, you should have your own way of doing things and attitudes. Therefore, they will no longer accommodate you as before.If your parents are no longer arrogant and indulgent towards you, others will have no reason to endure your dissatisfaction and accommodate your faults.Continually trying to accommodate others will only make them irritated, disappointed, and sad because you haven't grown up at all.

In the eyes of the elders, you are not capable of doing too many things when you are young, and all your mistakes and anger are normal in their eyes, and they think it is your cuteness.However, when you grow up, they think that you have the ability to deal with these things, you should know how to tolerate and accommodate others, know how to ask and should be restrained, but you still make rude demands to them.The reason for not wanting to accommodate you is anger, more disappointment.

When dealing with friends and leaders, don't expect others to accommodate you, because this is a realistic society.Everyone is selfish. At the most critical moment, they will inevitably not plan for their own interests, so no one will trust you for no reason, no one will affirm you, and no one will accommodate you because you have some advantages , because you don't have that qualification yet.

As the saying goes: Every family has scriptures that are difficult to recite.Everyone has their own troubles in their hearts. There is no reason for colleagues and friends to always accommodate and tolerate your nagging and complaints. Maybe your colleagues are also angry and have suppressed them for a long time. Your unreasonable venting is undoubtedly a fire. Add fuel, friendships may break down.Even if this is not the case, misfortune comes from the mouth, it is useless to talk too much, many words make money, and accumulation destroys bones. Even if you have no malicious intentions, if you speak too many times, you will naturally be disgusted by others and you will gain a reputation for being a talkative.Don't expect them to accommodate you.Leaders like to see smart employees, like to see employees who do more and talk less.Everyone knows that it is not easy for people to remember your good points, but one mistake will make many people "remember" you.Leaders hire people to make them work, not spend time accommodating their faults.

According to online surveys, compared with previous years, employers will recruit more rational and pragmatic talents, and pay more attention to students' innovation ability, re-learning ability, hardship and professionalism.In contrast, some college students' own quality does not match the requirements of employers.Enterprises reported that some college graduates cannot fully meet the needs of enterprises, and hope that schools can listen to the needs of employers when cultivating talents.

Tan Xiaoli is a college student who has just graduated and applied for a job in an industrial group company. According to the company's employee induction process, talents trained by the university have to undergo two or three years of training in the company before they can independently adapt to the job requirements.Enterprises need to spend a lot of manpower, material and financial resources on training, and some college students can't stand this kind of training, so they choose to leave.However, Tan Xiaoli felt that participating in the training was too far away from her job goal and would take too long, so she approached the head of the department to explain her intentions and asked to give Opportunity to go directly to work by yourself and show that you are determined to do a good job.The head of the department admired her courage and agreed to let her be his secretary.

However, when she officially started working, she realized that she knew very little about the company, and she didn't know where to start her work. She made several mistakes in succession. The boss said to her with a gloomy face: "Go to the training Let's go." Tan Xiaoli almost begged: "Give me another chance, I will do well." The boss only said one sentence: "Let's talk when you have the ability!"

If you don’t have experience, you should study hard and strive for opportunities; it is not easy to get opportunities, but you should cherish them when you get them. Don’t expect others to accommodate you.

Don't expect others to accommodate you, and there is no reason for others to accommodate you. Long-term accommodation will only make you willful and extreme. Only by changing yourself can you become stronger.

[-]. Don't touch the bottom line of others
To be a human being requires a bottom line. With the bottom line, your values ​​can be established and your actions can avoid risks.If you touch the bottom line of others and shake the dam of others' hearts, it will inevitably make them lose the minimum control and restraint. Then, the relationship between you and others may also lead to an uncontrollable abyss.At the same time, whether in life or work, you must also have your own bottom line.You have your own bottom line, and only by sticking to the bottom line can you enjoy the joy of being a human being and the comfort of finally reaching the top.Everyone has their own bottom line in their hearts, and the bottom line is the most important line of defense we set up to protect ourselves.If you easily touch the bottom line of others, then it is likely to make them sad or angry, which will lead to a breakdown in the relationship, so don't touch the bottom line of others.

When we are young, we can be full of personality and happy to be kind to each other, because we are still young, immature, worthy and able to be tolerated and forgiven by others, even if we make mistakes and hurt others, we can start over from the beginning without being responsible.However, when we grow up slowly, we must understand that we can no longer be willful and irresponsible to easily hurt the pain of others, uncover the scars of others, touch the bottom line of others, because this will both hurt Others can hurt themselves too.

We all live in an environment that is fortified everywhere and is fortified by others everywhere. Everyone has his own vulnerable side, and he does not want to be easily touched and hurt by others.Once you touch the bottom line of others, you are likely to lose friends and even be hated.Even if you are unintentional, it doesn't mean that others are unintentional, and what you have to do is: be careful with your words and deeds, and don't touch the bottom line of others.

Li Hui and Liu Cheng have been old friends for many years. The two have formed a deep friendship because of their common love of badminton. Moreover, both of them have their own companies, and they keep in touch with each other in business, and the relationship is getting better and better.

Although Liu Cheng is over [-] years old, he is handsome and imposing. He often gives speeches in various places, and through this, he met Xiaohui, who has long admired him, and the two formed a romantic relationship.But for Liu Cheng, who is honest by nature, this is tantamount to betraying his wife. He felt very guilty, so he asked his good friend Li Hui to discuss how to solve this matter.After Li Hui's persuasion, Liu Cheng finally explained the situation to Xiaohui, had a long talk with his wife, and successfully repaired the relationship with his wife.Because Li Hui is a middleman, he also feels proud of his face. He often mentions this matter to his friends at parties. At first Liu Cheng didn't pay much attention to it, but as the number of times increased, Liu Cheng couldn't help feeling sorry for Li Hui's way of doing things. Unhappy.

At a family gathering, Li Hui mentioned this matter again, ignoring the change in Liu Cheng's wife's face, until Liu Cheng's wife became very angry with Liu Cheng, and said coldly: "If there is a first time, there will be a second time. I know if you still have a second woman." Li Hui suddenly came to his senses, looking at the two arguing, he didn't know how to solve it, and Liu Cheng was completely tired of Li Hui, and the friendship between the two for many years finally broke.

Touching a friend's bottom line will undoubtedly bring trouble to the friend, and it will also lead to a breakup of the friendship.In order to avoid this kind of thing from happening, what we should do and the easiest thing to do is to observe the lives of others when we are in contact with others, discover the bottom line of others, and avoid touching them intentionally.

In addition, we should also guard our bottom line.American writer Margarita Michel portrayed a young girl named Melanie in her novel Gone with the Wind. She always believes that people have their best side, and she will start from the good side. Comment, encourage and praise them to awaken their healthy humanity.Melanie is friendly and honest, even when encountering sinister people and dirty things, she is not pessimistic and despairs, thinking that they are just exceptions and accidental phenomena.The important thing is that she never loses the bottom line of being a human being at any time.Her attitude and method of dealing with the world has also been rewarded as it should be. Everyone loves and respects her. She lives a full and happy life.

In this society that emphasizes communication and ability to deal with things, people are defensive. Everyone has their own bottom line when communicating with others, so that they can behave in a principled manner.This bottom line cannot be touched by others at will. Therefore, in your daily life and communication, you must pay more attention to the things and things that other people care about. It is likely that this is his bottom line.However, don't close your heart to others, because the communication between people is the communication of the heart, and it is easy to feel whether there is intention or not.

Of course, everyone has a bottom line. If you want to understand others, you must first understand yourself. Only by empathizing can you better and easily know the bottom line of others. Knowing yourself and the enemy can win all battles.How can it be easier to find out the other party's bottom line and avoid touching them?Let's try the following methods:
1. When communicating for the first time, you should be cautious in your speech, and don't talk casually, so as not to give people a bad impression of boasting.After the formal communication, the scope of the conversation should be wide. Pay more attention to the changes in the eyes and expressions of the other party. If the other party's eyes are erratic when they hear something, it means that the other party is unwilling to talk about it in depth, so don't mention it next time.If the other person is very excited about something, maybe you have found something he likes, and you can delve deeper into this aspect to deepen the relationship between the two parties.

2. Learn about information in many ways, including friends' work and life.When a friend encounters any problems and troubles, if you have a better solution, you can offer help tactfully, otherwise, don’t take it as a joke, even if the matter has passed for a long time, so as not to make your friend unhappy, especially in terms of relationships thing.In terms of work or the way you handle things, pay attention to what your friends hate the most, and it is best not to exceed that level when doing things with your friends.

3. Don't use your tongue, think about whether what you say will hurt others, and whether it will touch the bottom line of others before speaking or doing something.What you say counts, sincerity is very important, and you must do what you say, so that you can gain the respect of others.

4. Don't expose people's scars at will. Even if you have a good relationship with the other party, don't always talk about other people's bad points in public, let alone take other people's faults or shortcomings as a joke.You have to understand that scars are everyone's bottom line. If you mention it many times, even if you have a good relationship, you will feel bad.

5. Put yourself in a lower posture, whether it is speaking or doing things, give others more opportunities to express themselves.Do more things by yourself, talk less, and show humility in the face of other people's praise and praise. You must know that not all compliments come from the heart, and some are just because of jealousy. I want to test whether you know Anyway, whether to put the other party in your eyes.Jealousy is also a bottom line. Always maintain a humble attitude and satisfy others. Only in this way can you show your gentlemanly demeanor, dilute others' jealousy towards you, and maintain harmonious and good interpersonal relationships.

6. Don't be harsh when speaking, so as not to hurt others' self-esteem.Some people like to show their talents by telling others' faults, and some people are used to hurting others, always attacking others with words, and there is a bottom line for others' tolerance.

7. You can't say everything, don't think that 100% honesty can be exchanged for the absolute trust of your friends.You must know that you can never act rashly and without scruples. Before speaking, you should first consider the feelings of others. This is a mature way of dealing with the world.

Don't touch other people's bottom line, and at the same time keep your own bottom line, so that you can gain the respect of others, and the relationship with friends can last longer.

[-]. Hold on to your hole card

Life is like a big drama in life, the world is changeable, there is no absolute certainty in the world, we should not be dazzled by the temporary favorable situation, we must always keep your last hole card in order to reverse the situation at a critical moment.As an adult with a mature age and mind, we should slowly let go of the once youthful and frivolous that can be regarded as personality, learn to handle things maturely and steadily, and learn to hold our cards.

Born in sorrow, died in peace.Long-term development can only be ensured by constant hardship. We have no capital to be proud of. Throughout the ages, there are many examples of "capturing the boat in the gutter" accidentally when success is just around the corner.Don't think that being cautious is an expression of unreasonable worry and cowardice. Keeping a hole card is an effective way to focus on long-term interests, and it is a wise choice.The more successful people are, the more they know to leave themselves a final hole card, but their hole cards are constantly changing.Only by keeping your last hole card for every strategic plan can you make your way to success smoothly.

In the workplace, we need to keep our last cards. If you have a close relationship with the leader, you should keep a low-key and low-key about it in the unit, and never show your cards until the critical moment.Otherwise, if you are not careful, you will get involved in office struggles and become involuntary.Keep your own cards and don't show them easily. Not only can you get through the dangerous period safely, but you can also avoid many unnecessary troubles.Remember, the last hole card must be the most useful, even if it has not been used.Moreover, the hole cards are used to save lives, not to show off, and must not be shown to others until the critical moment.

No matter in the business field or between friends, you should keep your last card, because no one knows how long the good relationship between you can last, and no one knows whether you who are still friends today will become business leaders in the market tomorrow. opponent.There is a saying in the ancients, "You must not have the heart to harm others, but you must not have the heart to guard against others." We should be cautious in our words and deeds in dealing with others, so that we can have smooth sailing.

You who have just stepped into the society to work, do not have much social experience, you must know that there are often things to kill donkeys, so you should always keep a hole card for yourself and a way out for yourself.Keeping your own hole cards in a timely manner can not only save yourself at critical moments, but also impress others.

Li Lin has graduated from university for two years and works in a cosmetics sales company. He majored in marketing, so he is very proficient in market planning and research. Through his own efforts, he finally succeeded in obtaining the position of deputy manager of the marketing department. Position.Seeing that he was about to take up the position of marketing manager, Li Lin couldn't help beating in his heart: Manager Lu of the marketing department is a capable but not very broad-minded person. Manager Lu has always been the one to contact, and I don't have the right to directly contact the boss. If Manager Lu is jealous of me and fires me, I have nothing to do.Therefore, Li Lin thought of keeping a hole card for himself, and came up with the idea of ​​being friends with the general manager outside of work. So he inquired about the boss's email address from various sources, and knowing that the boss likes to play tennis, he used his spare time to chat with the boss. They exchanged emails and discussed tennis skills. After a while, although the two had never met, they seemed to be golf friends.

(End of this chapter)