Don't be too personal, don't be too impersonal

Chapter 7 Don't doubt, this is the world you see (3)
If you want to have a smooth sailing in the workplace and making friends, you must cultivate your own city.Don't think that it will take time to cultivate a city. Anyone who plays chess knows that a good move often takes a long time, but when this move is made, it will often make people feel tired. Admiration in the hearts of opponents.No one cares about the hardships of your process, people often only see the result, cultivate your city with painstaking efforts, only when you achieve impressive results, you will understand the truth of "a sharp sword emerges from sharpening".So how to cultivate the city, the common ones are the following:

1. Be low-key and do things high-key.This is the truth that countless people have emphasized. People who are too shiny often become the target of public criticism. Remember that it is not only those who are boastful, but also those who are too flamboyant.

2. Watch more and talk less, get used to thinking and listening.Listening is always the best tool for you to communicate with others. Listening attentively will make the other party regard you as a confidant.See more and talk less, misfortune comes out of your mouth, and you will be wrong if you talk too much. See more and think more. You must know that Buddhism emphasizes a word of enlightenment. Although monks do not participate in world affairs, they can understand all kinds of principles and transform people's hearts It's all in one word of enlightenment. If you read a lot and think clearly, you will naturally develop sharp eyes.

3. Look at the face and look at the color, and say the right thing at the right time.Some people say that observing words and expressions is flattery, but that is a wrong understanding. True observation and observation can let people know what to say and what not to say, and can grasp the current situation in a timely manner to achieve their own goals.

4. Control behavior, be calm and sophisticated, and keep all changes in mind.In the lobby of Lin Zexu's mansion, there was a word "forbearance", which was also his code of conduct for many years as an official.Forbearance is calm for a while, and timely forbearance can avoid many unnecessary troubles and allow you to gather rich contacts.And those who vent their emotions at will and ignore the rules of the game will only become lonely.

5. Put a long line to catch big fish, look at the long-term interests, and put the bait in advance so that the time will come when it is used.This is called relationship marketing in modern marketing. You must learn to look far ahead, look at the long-term interests, and make friends with people who will bring benefits to you in advance, so that when you need to talk about business, the "noble person" will not be invited.

6. Praise sincerely and say good things.Compliments are the best way to make people happy, and proper and sincere compliments will make you more and more friends.

Only hard work can make you a blockbuster. The deeper your city, the wider the way to do things, and the greater the chance of success. Therefore, work hard to cultivate the city!
[-]. Never forget the "rules of the game"

You think you are young and passionate, so you dare to break through and do things, and sometimes you even feel that you have the ability to make rules.However, the strange thing is that others don't seem to be able to see your efforts. In their eyes, the personality you think is just flamboyant, arrogant, and impetuous.You resent and feel that they are too superficial and vulgar, unable to see your own efforts and abilities.You feel that you are a real horse with a fair price and a fair price, but you don't have Bole.When you are in such a mood, the ground is a prison, no matter how difficult it is to get out.

Every field has its own rules, be it academia or business.Don't break the rules when you are not strong enough, because the rules are always made by the strong, and forgetting the rules is tantamount to despising the strong.If that is the case, you have already failed in the first link of the game of life, and you have lost the qualification to continue playing, let alone choose what you want, because no one will give you a chance.You know, wandering around blindly, making enemies for yourself, even if you can call it a "personality", this is not a really good personality.

If you still want to regain your dignity and wash away the shame, then you should bravely admit that you have failed, and say that you have failed loudly, but failure is just an episode in the game of life, or a middle field break.You must be strong and not willing to be left behind. For your future and for the smooth progress of future games, you need to learn the rules of this environment and always remember them.Don't think about escaping, let alone ignore the rules of the game. From the first cry, you have fallen into one game after another in your life.Whether you like it or not, this game, this competition, will eventually go on on its own, accompanying you throughout your life, and you cannot escape.

Never allow yourself too much freedom and indulge yourself at will.Pick your own favourite, it comes at a price.Don't forget that when you are in life, there is no way to escape the various rules in this life.In countless games, the rules of the game are the prerequisite for you to participate in the competition. If you do not understand the rules, you are not eligible to win the game. If you forget the rules, you will be expelled from the game.

Xu Shen started a clothing trading company with his classmates after college, and it is doing well now.However, anyone who knows the inside story knows that they are already operating for the second time.

When Xu Shen was in college, he aimed at the low-price clothing industry. He spent his vacation time with his classmates visiting major domestic clothing wholesale markets and established good cooperative relations with suppliers in the market.After graduation, a few people used existing resources to open a clothing trading company.When the new company opened, Xu Shen's first task was to develop the market.More than a dozen other companies have occupied most of the market share, so Xu Shen decided to use the low-price strategy to gain his own market.After negotiating for a period of time, they finally won their customers with a purchase price of more than ten yuan lower than the market price, and quickly seized part of the market.

After successfully gaining a foothold in the market, Xu Shen and the others did not change their business strategy. However, after a period of time, they found that their suppliers were unwilling to renew the contract with their company on the grounds that the contract expired, including other Suppliers are also unwilling to supply themselves, which puts the company on a dead end.

It turned out that more than a dozen other companies in the same industry in Xu Shen's city believed that Xu Shen's low-price strategy had caused vicious competition in the market and violated market rules, so they jointly threatened suppliers. If Shenzhen provided the goods, the other dozens of companies immediately stopped cooperating with the suppliers.From this point of view, it was Xu Shen's ignorance of market rules that led to the joint resistance of other companies.

After many negotiations with more than a dozen other companies, Xu Shen adjusted the price to the market price, and other companies also agreed that the supplier would continue to cooperate with Xu Shen.

Xu Shen, who was new to the market, only cared about his own survival and forgot the rules of the game in the market, so he became everyone's public enemy.On the way of chasing success, don't forget the rules of the game, otherwise, your dream of success will die prematurely.If you want to succeed, earn profits, win respect, and win recognition, you must first respect the rules and recognize the rules.This kind of game rule is default and difficult to change, just do what you like to do under the premise of following this rule.

Never forget the rules of the game, the winners create the rules, and only the winners can change them.In this world, as long as you are strong enough, the rules of the game will be determined by you.

In a game of taking badges from a cow, the rules stipulate that only one badge can be taken at a time. One player grabbed two badges from a cow for the first time, and he threw away the extra badges consciously, while the other Players grab a handful of badges at a time, or pick up badges dropped from cows from the ground.At the end of the game, although the No.2 player had the most badges in his hands, he still lost because he forgot the rules of the game.

Similarly, in a game of delivering cakes, each player is required to wear a pair of extra-large shoes, hold a big cake in his hand, run up the turntable to add strawberries, and then run to the destination.Since only the first player to add strawberries to the cake is considered the winner, the competition was so fierce that one player almost fought another, but they never forgot that they had to put on the heavy shoes before starting the race. shoes.The No.3 player consciously played without shoes, and as a result he was directly expelled from the game.

Once there are rules, you have to abide by them, don't forget them, and don't try to take advantage of the rules.You will experience many things in your life, and each event has its own rules.Therefore, at each stage, you should abide by the rules of life at this stage, just like a game, if you do not abide by the rules of the game, you will be eliminated.Being eliminated is not necessarily because of your bad quality, and people with bad quality may not necessarily be eliminated.You were eliminated simply because you forgot the rules of the game.

Don't be bored with complicated rules and regulations, let alone be afraid of them, because you have no choice, and you have to adapt to the living environment if you want to survive.Rules are a double-edged sword. If you forget them, you will be ruthlessly eliminated. Remember them and make full use of them to make your work and life better.Never think you are strong enough to challenge the rules of the game, no one can ignore the rules at any time.Everyone understands the general trend of the world, the law that the long-term must be divided, and the long-term must be united. However, Fu Chai, the king of Wu, forgot the rule of the survival of the fittest. , Fan Li and Wen Zhong, one stayed away from the officialdom after Goujian destroyed Wu and went boating on the river, but the other forgot the rule of "the cunning rabbit dies, the running dog cooks, the enemy country is destroyed, and the counselor dies", stayed with the King of Yue, and was finally forced to commit suicide.

Don't arbitrarily expect to change the rules of the game.You are not stronger than anyone, you have no qualifications to change the rules of the game, remember, never forget the rules of the game.When you step out of school and enter the society for the first time, all walks of life have their own rules. If you really don’t understand, you should read more, ask more questions, and ponder more.Of course, before asking others, you must first be optimistic about the person, otherwise, if you don't learn the rules, you will be cheated secretly.This society can no longer accommodate scholars who are as straightforward as Confucius, because scholars have to live, and today's experts have to adapt to society and make a living by themselves, let alone you who have just entered society.

Never disregard the rules, especially in a business environment where competition between rivals is to use the rules to attack each other.Those who really understand and remember the rules can avoid being attacked, and those who can successfully use the rules, whether it is national policy or market development, they can even play with these rules in their hands, just like dolphins control the ball above their heads .There is no doubt that they will eventually become the strong in this society.You just need to learn from them, watch more, ask more questions, and learn more. You must know that in Chinese culture, the rules of the game are diverse.Don't forget the rules of the game. Only when you fully understand the rules of the game can you play the game with ease.

[-]. Don't expect others to accommodate you
We often encounter some unsatisfactory things in our life or work. Maybe you will accuse or complain loudly, throw away those less expensive things at hand, and you tell everyone in a boring and ridiculous way that you are angry up.You feel like someone will come to hug you and comfort you, just like before.However, you look around and are disappointed to find that everyone is still busy with their own affairs as if nothing had happened, and there is no response to all your actions, and some people even cast a few disgusting glances, so you are even more angry.

Maybe, you still naively think that losing your temper and throwing things are your own personality, and others should accommodate and comfort yourself. However, when we enter the society, we must gradually understand that everyone must learn to grow up, Those so-called youthful and frivolous "personalities" must also be smoothed out and gradually discarded.

At home, you are the unique treasure of your parents; at school, you are an excellent student appreciated by the teacher.Maybe you are younger than others, maybe your body is weaker than others, maybe you have been accommodated by everyone around you all the time, so you start to take other people's accommodation as a kind of capital, a matter of course.

But now, you have entered the society.The people who helped you and cared for you are gone, replaced by a noisy and complicated crowd.When you face this society independently, you will find that it is full of difficulties and obstacles that you have never experienced before.You feel powerless in the face of all this.You may be disappointed, dissatisfied, angry and even ranting, but no matter what, please remember: society is not a fairy tale world.When you are angry and sad, don't expect others to comfort you and wipe away your tears.

Maybe you will think that it is a personality to sway your mood at will, just like Einstein has always been an informal person, General Patton's temper is very violent and rough, and Van Gogh is irrational and full of delusions.Many famous people have distinguished achievements, so some weird behaviors are widely publicized.But don't think that freewheeling behavior is a necessary condition for success, a sign of celebrity and genius.

The personalities of those outstanding people are often manifested in the extremely creative talents and abilities, and it is these talents and abilities that make them affirmed by society.A mediocre person who does extraordinary behavior will only be puzzled and ridiculed by others.Can you imagine the reaction of others when a newspaper seller on the side of the road is slovenly, utters foul language and tries to cut off his ears every day?

Everyone likes to express their emotions as they like, and hope to vent their emotions freely. No one likes to be bound in very complicated rules and regulations, and they don't want to think about other people's thoughts or feelings at any time.It is indeed better to publicize your personality than to suppress yourself, but if it is only self-willed or impulsive, or even indulging your own shortcomings and bad habits, it will undoubtedly only bring you trouble.

Xiaojie is an only child, and she has been loved and cared for by her parents since she was a child, which has also formed her arrogant personality.When she was in school, she always bossed her classmates around. She felt that others' help to her was taken for granted, and she lost her temper when she felt unsatisfactory.When she went to the society, she felt how helpless she was.Facing an unfamiliar job, she reached out to her colleagues for help, but no one was willing to give her a sincere hand, at most they just perfunctory her a few words; when she was criticized for not completing the work on time, all she heard were colleagues Behind the scenes gloating.When she really couldn't bear other people's ridicule and lost her temper, no one cared about her, just walked past her indifferently as if watching a joke.Xiaojie thinks, the world is too bad, why are people so unfriendly?
In fact, it is not that others are unfriendly, but that we have too high demands on others.You know, we are nothing special, and we cannot ask others to accommodate us for no reason.When others accommodate us, it means that others have to sacrifice their own feelings.Except for those around you who love you, no one can ignore their own feelings again and again for the sake of others.And for yourself, relying on the accommodation of others for a sense of accomplishment means basing your mood on the behavior of others.That is to say, you have no way to control your own mood, your mood is determined by others.If others no longer accommodate yourself, then you are a painful puppet.

And, as a social person, who can be completely unrestrained?Society is a complex group, and there is not much living space left for everyone.When we want to stretch our limbs for comfort, we must consider whether we will bump into others.Walking on the road, we must pay attention to the traffic rules, otherwise the police will find you.You are nothing special, others have no reason to tolerate your anger, and no reason to accommodate your faults.Sometimes, the other party’s accommodation is because of love for you, but sometimes, the other party’s accommodation is also because he wants to make you fall, because the enemy’s accommodation is the indulgence of your mistakes, which will make your mistakes more serious. serious.Casually venting emotions will lose friends and opportunities.Don't vent your emotions at will, let alone expect anyone to accommodate you for no reason.

(End of this chapter)