The Complete Collection of Ice Books

Chapter 13 Hard and soft (1)
What is hard and soft
Original text
Once you know the bones of the gods, you should distinguish between hardness and softness①.

注释
① Rigidity and softness: a group of categories of unity of opposites widely used in ancient Chinese philosophy, medicine and religion. Rigidity refers to hardness and strength, as opposed to softness.In Yi Gua, there is a saying of "Qian Gang Kun Rou".

Translation
After identifying the clear and turbidity of the Shengu, it is necessary to further distinguish rigidity and softness.

Interpretation
Zeng Guofan believes that "spirit" and "bone" are the foundation of appearance, and then it is necessary to distinguish "hardness and softness"."Rigid and soft" in the original scriptures can have different corresponding words from different angles: for example, rigid and soft are yin and yang, rigid is yang, and soft is yin; rigid and soft are up and down, rigid is up, and soft is down; Outside and inside, rigidity for the outside, softness for the inside, etc.Rigidity and softness are two aspects of things. Both sides are mutually opposed and interdependent. It is normal to maintain a balance with each other. Once the balance is lost, things will lose their normal state and change.

One cannot be without rigidity, without rigidity, one cannot stand on one's own feet, and one cannot be self-reliant without self-sufficiency, so one cannot achieve some achievements.Just is a kind of majesty, a kind of self-confidence, a kind of strength, and a kind of inviolable spirit.Since ancient times, which emperor, general and minister who has made great achievements has not come out of self-reliance?Which sage does not have his own way of self-reliance and self-improvement?Confucius can be regarded as a model of gentleness and honesty. He talked about the doctrine of the mean, and it was too much to say.But when he was young, he had only been prime minister for seven days before he killed Shao Zhengmao.Because of rigidity, those sages were able to be independent, fearless and persevering.

People can't be without softness, if there is no softness, they will not be friendly, and if they are not friendly, they will fall into isolation, self-enclosed, and reject people thousands of miles away, so that they are surrounded by enemies. Softness is what makes people stand upright for a long time.Softness is a kind of charm, a kind of restraint, a kind of method, a kind of brilliance that makes people feel like spring breeze.Which person does not live in the world, which person does not have the emotions and desires, and which person cannot live without the trust and help of others?No matter how great a person is, he needs friends, and no matter how wonderful a speech is, he needs an audience.

However, too rigid is easy to break, too soft is extravagant.In the early years when Zeng Guofan was in the capital, he liked to fight against those who were famous and high-status. Of course, there was no shortage of maverick and unafraid of violence, but he must have suffered a lot because of it.Otherwise, Zeng Guofan might not have realized the way of heaven and earth, which should be combined with hardness and softness, and should not be partial.Rigid does not refer to tyranny, but refers to being strong; soft does not refer to humbleness, but refers to humility and tolerance.

But which one comes first, rigidity or softness?Laozi of Taoism advocates that the weak overcome the strong.

Confucius advocated "The Doctrine of the Mean", sticking to it, neither left nor right, neither hard nor soft, and the combination of hardness and softness.This doctrine has become the principle of dealing with things for future generations.Xun You, Cao Cao's adviser, is a man who is firm but soft, and soft but strong: "Xun You is deeply secretive and wise. Since the Taizu conquered, he has often planned secret rooms, and the people and children of the time did not know what he was talking about." Taizu praised him every time. Said: "Gongda is stupid on the outside and wise on the inside, cowardly on the outside and brave on the inside, weak on the outside and strong on the inside, does not boast of himself, does not count hard work, wisdom can be achieved, but stupidity cannot be surpassed, although Yan Zi and Ning Wu cannot surpass it."

During the period of the Three Kingdoms, Yuan Huan seemed to be gentle, but when he faced major events and dangers, he was beyond the reach of others.Confucius advocated benevolence, but at the meeting of Qi and Lu, he stood up between the two monarchs, repelled the provocations of Qi, and maintained the majesty of Lu.Lin Xiangru was ordered to envoy Qin to return to Zhao. He was unyielding in power, but he gave way to Lianpo, taking the overall situation into consideration and upholding morality.Therefore, softness is used to aid strength, strength is aided by softness, and strength and softness are combined to be reasonable and beneficial. This is an essential quality for a successful person.

In dealing with interpersonal relationships, the ancient politicians were as noble as they were soft and lenient. They were gentle and lenient, and they were lenient. This was the philosophy of life for feudal politicians.

Feudal politicians advocate respect for the king.Zhang Yong said: "Those who serve the monarch do not speak of poverty, diligence do not speak of suffering, loyalty do not speak of their own performance, public affairs do not speak of their own ability, this can serve the king." Xiao He and Wu Hanli made great achievements in the past. Can't say; Wu Han Feng Guangwu is also very hardworking and cautious.The two sons of Jin and Ri were favored by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. Because they played court ladies, Ri would kill them.Gu Yong and his son were deeply favored by Sun Quan, but Yong was always cautious. When he saw his grandson Gu Tan dancing wildly after drinking, he scolded: "The one who ruined my family must be you." In front of the Taizu, he was as respectful as he could not speak.Song Lian served the Ming Taizu for 19 years, and there was no false statement, and he was always the same, and he was a loyal elder.All the princes listed above were loyal and respectful, treated others with generosity, neither reserved nor aggressive, neither insulted nor bullied.

Ying Chuan Zhou Zhao concluded: "The ancient sages and scholars who lost their fame, lost their lives and harmed the country had different reasons, but summing up their lessons, there are only four points: urgent discussion is one, fame and power are two. Paying attention to cronies is three things, and pursuing haste is the fourth thing. Rushing to talk hurts people, fighting for fame and power will defeat friends, emphasizing cronies will deceive the master, and rushing to haste will lose morality. "

It can be seen that rigidity and softness not only refer to a person's personality, but also the requirements of ideological cultivation.To master the art of rigidity and softness, you should first correct your ideological line, don't rush to discuss, don't compete for power, don't form parties, don't have haste, stick to it with softness, use rigidity to upright, combine rigidity and softness, and you will be invincible.

Utilize the world
Why is it better to be weak than strong?Guiguzi explained it with the principle of quantitative change to qualitative change: "Weakness is better than strong, so the accumulation of weakness can become strong; big straightness is like curvature, so the accumulation of curvature can be straight; less is more than many, so accumulation of insufficiency can be surplus."

A celebrity in the Zhou Dynasty often planned to die. Lao Tzu went to visit him and said, "Mr. is very ill. Is there any legacy that I can tell my disciples?" Chang said, "If you don't ask, I will tell you. I have gone to my hometown. Car, do you know why?" Lao Tzu said, "Get off the car after crossing your hometown, doesn't it mean you don't forget your hometown?" Chang Bi said, "Hey! Yes. Do you know why when you cross a tree and walk with your head bowed?" Lao Tzu said: "Crossing a tree and walking with your head bowed, isn't it meant to respect the elderly?" Chang Bi said: "Hey, yes."

Chang Bi opened his mouth again and asked Lao Tzu: "Is my tongue still there?" Chang Bi asked, "Do you know the reason?" Lao Tzu said, "The tongue exists because it is flexible; the teeth fall out, is it because it is hard?" Chang Bi said, "Hey! Yes. The world This is all there is to say. What else can I tell you?"

The story of Zhifu in the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period is very famous. The reason is that Zhifu was able to treat the King of Chu with neither humble nor overbearing, soft outside and strong inside.

At that time, the Jin people handed over the corpses of the princes and ministers of the state of Chu captured from the state of Chu to the state of Chu, hoping to exchange the prisoners of war of the state of Jin, including Zhiyu, and the king of Chu agreed.When saying goodbye to Zhifu, the king of Chu asked: "Do you hate me?" Zhifu replied: "The two countries are at war. I have no talent and can't do my job, so I became a prisoner. The king's left and right are useless to me. It is your favor, the king, to let me go back to the country to accept the slaughter. If I have no talent, who can I resent?"

The King of Chu asked again: "So, do you want to be grateful to me instead?" Zhifu replied: "The two countries each have plans for their own people, hoping to keep the people safe, each restraining their anger, and forgiving each other. Both countries release their own people. prisoners of war, for friendship. To whom can I be grateful?"

The king of Chu asked again, "What will you repay me when you go back?" Zhifu said, "I don't have any grudges, and I haven't received any kindness from the king. I don't know what to repay!"

The king of Chu said: "Even so, you have to tell me something." Zhiyu said neither humble nor overbearing: "Okay! Thanks to the king, I can return to Jin as a prisoner. If my king kills me , I am immortal. If the king pardons me because of the king's favor, or if the king agrees to kill me to sacrifice to the ancestors, then I will also die and be immortal. If the king favors me, let me inherit the original position and share the burden of Jin. In political affairs, I lead some troops to garrison the border towns. Even if I meet the civil and military officials of Chu State, I will not violate the etiquette, and I will not have double-mindedness. I have to do my best and do my duty as a courtier. To repay the king."

After hearing these words, the king of Chu knew that he could not convince him, so he said to the ministers: "The courtiers of the state of Jin really can't win!" So, the king of Chu sent Zhifu back to the state of Jin with grand etiquette.

The king of Chu's conversation with Zhifu probably had two intentions. One was to find an opportunity to humiliate the prisoners of war in Jin, and the other was to leave some retreat and win the hearts of Jin for future Chu and Jin battles.But Zhifu was neither humble nor overbearing, and he refuted one after another, which made the king of Chu ashamed and impeccable, and finally had to send him off with courtesy.Zhifu's reply, which focuses on softness and contains firmness in softness, has become a famous theory through the ages.

In nature, softness is stronger than rigidity, and there are countless things to do. Water is soft, but it can pass through mountains and put out fires.Lao Tzu believes that the reason why flowing water can pass through mountains and put out fires is because water is the softest and can flow for thousands of miles.In social phenomena, there are many examples of a weak party defeating a strong party, such as a small country defeating a big country, and a weak country defeating a strong country.After Yue State was defeated by Wu State, King Goujian of Yue showed weakness to King Fu Chai of Wu, and showed a gesture of surrender everywhere, but secretly he did not forget the shame of being trapped in Kuaiji. .That's why Lao Tzu said: "The soft can overcome the strong, and the weak can overcome the strong."

workplace utilization
Lily is a senior employee of a large company, and her ability is obvious to all.Whether it is performance or writing, it can be called the first-class level of the unit, which is fully affirmed by the boss.Lily has a straightforward personality and doesn't know how to beat around the bush. When she is upset, her face changes drastically. When she loses her temper, it doesn't matter whether you are a leader or a colleague, you will inevitably be scolded or questioned by her.There are many colleagues who like her, but she also inadvertently offended many people and committed a big taboo in the workplace.

Not long ago, the unit promoted a female colleague who was inferior to her in terms of qualifications, ability and performance.Lily was very angry.Usually, the boss takes special care of this female colleague, thinking of her for promotion, salary increase and other good opportunities. Almost all the good things are contracted by her, and she was promoted three times within a year.And her performance is obviously several grades higher than hers, but the boss seems to turn a blind eye to it, and just keeps letting her work hard, but good opportunities never fall on her head.This time, Lily was really annoyed. She ran to her boss's office to "question" with righteous indignation, and "argued" with her boss, but the boss had already prepared some high-sounding reasons. It was very embarrassing for Lily.

Since then, Lily's enthusiasm for work has been affected for a while, and she has been neglected because of this, and her colleagues dare not talk to her easily.Lily was very uncomfortable, angry, anxious and angry, and she couldn't figure it out: I had done a lot of work, and the work assigned by the leader could be completed to a high standard, but why was it always so thankless?Look at that female colleague, she hasn't done any outstanding results, but she is always doing good things without rushing.

There are many reasons for Lily's workplace dilemma, but the most important one is that she committed a big taboo in the workplace, being too emotional.When encountering things and problems, I seldom think about why. I only do things based on feelings and emotions. I just want to do a good job and speak with performance. I lack skills in dealing with people, and the result is often thankless.Lily also wanted to make herself "sophisticated" and "mature", but she couldn't control her emotions when encountering irritating things. Although she felt worthless afterwards, she couldn't calm down at the time.

A survey conducted by Gallup Corporation of the United States covering 100 million workers around the world pointed out that poor handling of the relationship with colleagues is one of the most important reasons for resignation.In fact, if some interpersonal interaction skills can be properly used, not only can a "psychological vaccine" be applied before the outbreak of the plague in the workplace, but also the method of using softness to overcome rigidity can be used to isolate the epidemic after the outbreak of the plague.

1.catch the noble

If the other party in the conflict is the "noble person" who decides your future, don't complain anyway, and don't use a series of negative words such as "hate" and "annoyed", but use some discussion and advice, such as "I Not sure if I handled it properly, is there a better way?"

2.Intensify praise

Of course, it is not appropriate to directly ask for credit. It is better to positively reinforce the affirmation given by others. For example, when a boss or colleague praises you for something, respond in time with "Your affirmation inspires me."

3.be prepared

Prepare a good draft before communicating to avoid emotional and hurtful words.The communication format that can be applied is: triggering event, own feelings, hope for the future, such as "You criticized me in front of everyone yesterday, which hurt me very much. I hope to avoid this kind of thing from happening in the future. Shall we talk about it?"

4.honest introspection

Many people are annoyed by the denial of being "wrong with people". American career coach Miranda Kennett once suggested that people take some time to honestly introspect with a cold-eyed attitude before they get mad, and analyze why this person is targeting you: Is he doing this to you only, or is he doing it to other people as well?Does this person remind him of someone?In many cases, a person's performance in front of you does not represent his essence, but you add some kind of personal label to him, for example, a person's growth is accompanied by ineffective confrontation with an authoritarian father, and when he meets an unforgiving Grudges naturally intensify when they are colleagues with other people.

5.face reality

British psychologist Sandy Mann pointed out that when work is becoming more and more important in life, people will become extra sensitive and paranoid in the office.Mann suggested that every time you feel unhappy, write down the ins and outs of the event in detail, and focus on the details rather than the feelings, so that you can maintain a detached state and will not bring your emotions to work.

6.control response

In some office environments where there is vicious competition, there will always be some people who unfortunately become victims.In this situation, the most important thing is to control your own words and deeds, and fully demonstrate the state of "not happy with things, not sad with yourself": even if you become a scapegoat for others' mistakes, you must remain polite; treat others' evil deeds Turn a blind eye, turn a deaf ear, and let gossip go in one ear and out the other; don't follow the crowd, and immerse yourself in the job at hand.If things go on like this, right and wrong will gradually disappear.

7. Extended information
John Lee, author of "Your Work You Are the Master", said that with the increase of working years, self-judgment and social identity will be more and more affected by work, and it is easy to be allergic to evaluations in the office.Therefore, when encountering a conflict, you can listen to the opinions of people other than colleagues and expand the source of information in order to fully understand the cause and handle it properly.

Business utilization
Ms. Xiao, 38, is the general manager of a private chemical company in Shanghai.After graduating from a master's degree, Ms. Xiao worked in a foreign trade company in her hometown, engaged in chemical import and export.A few years later, she formed her current company with a few friends.Chemical industry is a relatively rigid field. The reason why she has been able to work hard in this field until now and was promoted from the then department manager to the current general manager is that besides her solid professional skills, the key is that her management style is completely different from that of men. way of life.A woman is inherently sensitive, tolerant, patient, cooperative and good at listening, which makes her unique in a field dominated by men.And her growth background taught her how to look at difficulties, and also brought her the confidence and courage to face any challenge.

Ms. Xiao said: "I grew up in a very close-knit family. The premature death of my father made the already poor family even more embarrassing. All these changes have had a huge impact on my sense of responsibility, independence, and compassion. And the experience of working together as a family to get through difficult times made me realize the value of cooperation. I learned very early on that you need a team to face problems.”

These experiences had a great influence on the shaping of Ms. Xiao's character.This influence also permeates into her work today.She emphasized: "As a leader, I rarely speak to my subordinates with a strong commanding attitude and language. I pay more attention to the flexible communication and exchange with them-rather than rigid rules and regulations."

Not long ago, the company was preparing to enter the energy field in order to expand its business scope.In response to this development, the company has expanded both in scale and personnel, which involves communication issues between new and old personnel.Therefore, Ms. Xiao often deliberately arranges some company gatherings and team cooperation, and tries her best to take the lead and practice, so that she and her subordinates have more opportunities to understand and communicate with each other.Now, the company is like a big family, and everyone can really feel the warmth from this group.

As a leader, women also have many advantages that men cannot match.Female managers have better coordination skills and pay more attention to the psychological needs of employees.Female managers are more resilient and stand strong in the face of adversity.Women are good at communication and are easier to persuade others.Moreover, women are delicate in handling things and making prudent decisions, so companies are not prone to ups and downs.

"Rigid management" centers on rules and regulations, and manages employees by means of system constraints, discipline supervision, and reward and punishment rules."Flexible management" is people-centered. It is based on the study of people's psychology and behavioral laws, and adopts a non-compulsory method to generate a potential persuasive power in the minds of employees, thereby turning organizational will into personal management. conscious action.

Some experts who have conducted in-depth discussions on "flexible management" summarized its characteristics in this way: the internal is more important than the external, the psychological is more important than the physical, the example is more important than the precept, the affirmation is more important than the negation, the incentive is more important than the control, and the pragmatism is more important than the retreat.Obviously, after the flexible management of knowledge-based enterprises, managers pay more attention to the enthusiasm and creativity of employees, and pay more attention to the initiative and self-discipline of employees.

(End of this chapter)