Dong Qing: Be a woman who can talk

Chapter 3 Explosive "speech value", different expressions
The most appropriate expression is the most beautiful expression
The ancients said: "Short and long, but the instrument is suitable." Appropriate is the best;

The so-called most beautiful expression is never the most gorgeous and tactful expression, but the most appropriate expression.

Proper expression is to choose the appropriate words to express the meaning according to different objects, contexts and occasions.To put it bluntly, it means that the words should be appropriate, just, and in place, so that people can listen comfortably.

Dong Qing, a well-known CCTV host, is well versed in the samadhi.

At the scene of the "Chinese Poetry Conference", a contestant left the field with regret, and his face was somewhat depressed. Dong Qing didn't follow the usual "routine" to comfort him, and didn't say anything, "The more frustrated you become, the more courageous you are, keep working hard", and he didn't say anything. "I hope your performance will be better next time." Instead, he said softly: "The temples have been snowed for many years, and the heart is like a pill until death." This sentence made the contestants wet their eyes.

People who can speak, no matter what the occasion or situation, can always understand the emotions of others at the first time, and use the most appropriate language to express the most sincere care.There are not many words, but they are very ironic; the words are not heavy, but they are loud;

Wang Han, who is in charge of Hunan Satellite TV's "Word Value", once had a wonderful Q&A with guests when he hosted the "Everyday Upward" program.

In that program, the guests discussed Tai Chi with great interest, saying that Tai Chi can overcome rigidity with softness. It seems soft and slow, with little strength, but it can push people far away with softness.Speaking of this, the guest Odie smiled and asked: "My family is in Taiwan, how many times do I need to push?"

This question was really tricky and presumptuous, but Wang Han's answer was very calm, decent and appropriate.

He said: "We don't push Taiwan, we want to pull it back."

In real life and work, similar situations and occasions abound.At this time, the most important thing is to test people's speaking skills. If the words are inappropriate, chatting to death, or simply chatting awkwardly, it will be meaningless.

So how do you get the words right?

First of all, you must have empathy, a sense of proportion, know how to read words and expressions, and take care of others' feelings.

There is such a plot in "Dream of Red Mansions":
On Xue Baochai's 15th birthday, a banquet was held, and a small opera troupe was invited to sing. There was a small opera troupe in the troupe who looked like Xiao Daiyu, who looked like a three-quarter fractal.Wang Xifeng joked: "This child looks like a person, you can't tell anymore." Everyone knew what she meant, but no one answered, only Shi Xiangyun answered: "It looks like sister Lin."

Some people say that this is Shi Xiangyun, who is cute and outspoken, isn't it?
In that era, opera singers belonged to the lower ranks, and their status was the most humble and degrading, and everyone looked down on them.And Daiyu's father, Lin Ruhai, was a second-rank official at the time, a senior official at Lantai Temple and a censor of Yanyan. It was a great insult to say that a lady from an official family was like an actor.This kind of "outspokenness" is undoubtedly extremely inappropriate, or, this is no longer "outspokenness", but rather ignorant of winks, disregarding the occasion, and lack of measure.

Such a person, no matter what, is always unlikable.

Words are for others to hear, not for yourself. Whether the words are good or not is not appropriate. It depends not only on whether you can successfully express your opinions, opinions, and emotions, but also whether the other party understands, approves, and understands them. Be receptive and happy.

Of course, this does not mean that you have to flatter others unconditionally when you speak, and only take care of their feelings, but on the premise of eliminating flattery, speak appropriately, make the other party listen comfortably, and make communication more effective. There's nothing wrong with being happier.

Secondly, to speak properly, you must also know when to speak and when to be silent.

Sometimes, on some occasions, keeping silent is precisely the best, most convenient, and most appropriate expression.

Mr. Jia Pingwa, a well-known writer, had a friend who was born with a stutter. He spoke very slowly and stuttered.

On this day, Jia Pingwa went out for a walk with his friends, and a person came to ask for directions. Coincidentally, this person also stuttered.

Seeing this, the friend smiled and shook his head, without saying a word, and motioned Jia Pingwa to answer the other party's question.

After the passer-by left, Jia Pingwa asked his friend in doubt, "Why don't you answer it yourself?"

A friend said: "I stutter, and so do others. If I answer, they will think that I am deliberately imitating and teasing him."

A small matter reflects a kind of self-cultivation, an attitude of putting oneself in front of others. In this way, although one does not say a word, it is even more eloquent.

It's just that this kind of sense of proportion, this kind of appropriate language expression, and this kind of grasp of advancing and retreating cannot be learned in a short time. People can't ask for it.What's more, most of the time, out of politeness, out of respect, forced by the situation and other reasons, we are not free to keep silent as we like.Therefore, in order to speak properly, one needs to master some small speaking skills.

1. Imitate the other party's language habits and repeat the other party's language
There is always a process from unfamiliarity to familiarity when people communicate with each other.

When we meet for the first time, we often don’t know anything about each other. You don’t know my hobbies, and I don’t understand your aesthetics. At this time, if you say something that is not embarrassing or embarrassing, it is easy to kill the world, but don’t Chat, silence, but more embarrassing.At this time, instead of rambling and far-fetched and embarrassing each other, it is better to imitate each other to make the atmosphere harmonious quickly.

For example, the other party is an anime enthusiast, likes all kinds of Two-dimensional things, and often talks about "cosplay", "figure", "Conan", "Sakuragi Flower Road", "Hokage", "Kawaii", etc. You may I don’t understand, or even haven’t contacted at all, but this does not prevent you from chatting, you can follow the other person’s words, he said that he likes “cosplay”, you can take advantage of the situation and ask him what “cosplay” is.He said he likes Naruto Conan, you can say that I have heard of it, I am very interested, and hope to learn more about it, but usually I don’t have time to watch it, so ask him to tell you about the plot.He said that this one is very "kawaii", and that one is cute and two-dimensional. You can also follow along and say that you think ×× is also very kawaii.

If so, the two have a common "language", and the relationship will naturally be closer quickly. Moreover, appropriate "imitation" and "repetition" can easily resonate with the other party, avoiding the embarrassment of speaking with a duck, and naturally communicate more smoothly. .

2. Do not use or use less negative words, but use more neutral and soft words
No one likes to be denied, even if he/she is really wrong.It is human nature to want to be recognized and respected.Therefore, women who can talk never talk about words like "wrong", "wrong" and "impossible". , express opinions euphemistically, and when expressing different opinions, they will also use some neutral and soft words to take care of the emotions and feelings of the other party.

There are many other little tricks like this.For example, speak concisely and don’t chatter endlessly; for example, you should pay attention to people and things, and it is also a compliment. Some people feel like a spring breeze after hearing it, while others think you are being sarcastic; another example, pay attention to word order, intonation, and actions when speaking. Saying "thank you" stiffly with an ice cube face is not expressing thanks, but asking for guilt.

The words are right, and the knowledge is also true.Appropriate expression is the most powerful display of a woman's knowledge, self-cultivation, wisdom, and emotional intelligence. It is a perfect replica of a woman's insensitivity, choice, perception, emotion, thinking, and creativity; a woman who can speak, It doesn't necessarily mean how good the eloquence is, but the words spoken can always make people feel warm, comfortable and happy.

The most appropriate expression is the most beautiful expression.

You come and we talk homely, harmonious and caring

Family affairs, national affairs, world affairs, so many things in ancient and modern times, the most true are nothing but ordinary things;

People who can really talk are all masters of "making routine".

At the scene of the first round of the No.13 CCTV Youth Song Competition team competition, Li Guangming, an original singing contestant from Hengshan County, Shaanxi Province, sang "Up a Slope and Down a Beam" affectionately. The singing was full of simplicity and heroism.However, due to his non-professional background, he inevitably lacked some skills in singing and did not score well in the comprehensive quality test. In the end, this young man with the mellow flavor of the Loess Plateau was eliminated.

After the scores came out, Li Guangming looked very disappointed.At this time, Dong Qing walked over and talked with him softly.Ask him how old he is this year, how are his parents at home, what he likes, whether he is under a lot of work pressure, whether he is married, etc. When I hear that the young man is already 30 years old, he can hardly grasp the tip of his youthful tail, but he is not married yet. At that time, I couldn't help feeling anxious for him, and said that I would teach him some love skills.

While chatting, Li Guangming couldn't help showing a smile on his face, and the slightly deserted and awkward atmosphere quickly warmed up.

Whether in life or work, communication between people is always inevitable, and talking to strangers is a major problem in oral communication.

Where is the difficulty?

It is nothing more than "nothing to talk about" or "chicken and duck talking" caused by differences in personality, hobbies, backgrounds, education, values, and growth backgrounds.In other words, there are different circles, different insights, lack of "common cognition", and no "entry point" for in-depth communication.He/she doesn’t understand what you are talking about, and you are not interested in what he/she is talking about, even a little disgusted; in this way, if you can’t chat for a few words, you will be cold.

Therefore, the key to communication lies in the word "together".

There are thousands of people with different personalities, thousands of people with different experiences, but in fact, all people face nothing more than life, food, clothing, housing, daily necessities, rice, oil, salt and vinegar, joys, sorrows, sorrows, and sorrows. All kinds of trivial matters of life and family short stories.And the shortcomings of these parents are precisely the "community" that we always ask for.

Qiaoli is a special reporter of Urban Life Channel.

To make a variety show about morality, the station needs to interview Liu Guixiang, a model of filial piety in the county.

Liu Guixiang is a simple rural woman in her 50s, she doesn't talk much, facing the camera, she is extremely nervous, sitting there very stiffly, she doesn't know where to put her hands.When I asked her what, her answer was either "yes" or "um", which made the program group very helpless.I changed several interview reporters successively, but the results were not very good.

After hearing about this, Qiaoli volunteered.

Unlike other colleagues, when interviewing Liu Guixiang, she didn't take the microphone, but chatted with Liu Guixiang.Ask her how many people there are in the family, where she works, what she usually does at home, how many children she has, etc. It's like chatting at home. Gradually, Liu Guixiang's nervousness has been effectively relieved by these "trivial" daily routines. , gradually became talkative.Qiaoli also cleverly took advantage of the opportunity to talk about "children" with Liu Guixiang, talked about raising children to guard against the old, and talked about filial piety, so she naturally cut into the topic of the interview.

Lajiachang is one of the most effective ways of emotional interaction and information communication between people.

Talking about family life can not only shorten the distance between each other and make the atmosphere more harmonious, but also turn decay into magic at the right time, arousing emotional resonance between people, so as to achieve surprising communication Effect.

In 1952, Republican vice presidential nominee Richard Millhouse Nixon was charged with bribery.In October of that year, in a televised address to the nation, Nixon made a clarification speech.During his speech, he did not swear or confess, but said frankly: "After being nominated as a candidate, someone did give me a gift. It was a package sent from outside."

Having said that, he paused, just like he usually chats with people, and asked with a smile: "Guess what's in the package?"

Afterwards, he talked again in a conversational way: "When I opened the package, I saw a crate containing a long-eared Spanish puppy with the same markings all over the body, very cute. I am six years old. My daughter Tricia liked it very much, so she named it 'Chessboard'. Everyone knows that children like dogs, so no matter what people say, I plan to keep the dog..."

This is the famous "chessboard speech" in American history.

At that time, Nixon, who had already fallen into a political quagmire, gained the support of countless ordinary Americans with his homely "straightforward" but warm speeches, successfully got out of the predicament, and made further progress.

People have the nature of empathy, and family-style communication is an amplifier, which can amplify this kind of empathy by a thousand times, ten thousand times, and tens of thousands of times in a subtle way.Emotionally closer, there are more common topics, the sense of distance between each other disappears, and communication will naturally get twice the result with half the effort.

So, how to "pull" this "homely routine"?The nonsense of Li Jiashou, the owner of the house, is obviously unwise, and it is not advisable to ask questions straightforwardly, or deliberately approach for the sake of talking.If you really want to "pull" homework, the most important point is not to find other people's "interest points".

To put it simply, it is to find topics that the other party is interested in, willing to chat with, and able to chat with.

For example, when chatting with an octogenarian, saying something about "blue and thin shiitake mushrooms", it is definitely not acceptable to say two sentences from time to time, "I am happy to be big and run around, but I don't know how to be serious".In addition, the focus of the homework is on "home" and "everyday". There is no need to mention some uncommon topics at all, and some stories, jokes, and cognitions that are not too "popular" should not be brought up.

The purpose of the homework is to eliminate the barriers and strangeness between each other, to draw the relationship closer, and to create a familiar atmosphere and feeling, rather than looking for something to talk about, let alone showing off.

Also, it must be said that when talking about daily routines, don't make superficial remarks.

In real life, there are always some girls who are "self-acquainted", and some who are "too honest". After chatting a few homely things, the atmosphere between each other has just become more harmonious, and they "know everything and talk endlessly", wishing to "talk about everything". Heart and soul", it seems that only in this way can we appear to be familiar with each other, but in fact, you and him/her are really not that familiar.Everything is too much, even if you want to create a "home" atmosphere and say "normal" things, you have to be careful not to be self-defeating.

Wrong word?It's okay, admit your mistake

There will always be some unsatisfactory things in life, ups and downs, bitterness, saltiness, and mixed flavors are life.No matter who you are, you will inevitably make mistakes. It’s okay to make mistakes. The important thing is that you have to admit your mistakes bravely.

Dong Qing also made mistakes.

In the 2009 Spring Festival Gala, Dong Qing made a slip of the tongue when reporting the curtain, and said "Welcome Mr. Ma's son Ma Dong and his partners to bring us "Five Senses"" instead of "Welcome Mr. Ma's son Ma Ji and his friends." Our partners brought us "New Theory of the Five Senses".

After reporting the scene, Dong Qing didn't realize that she made a mistake. The director team didn't remind her because they were afraid of affecting her emotions.I didn't tell her about it until after the party.

For this reason, Dong Qing blamed herself very much and regretted so much that she cried secretly for three days.

But if you make a mistake, you are wrong. This is indisputable. You have to bear the responsibility for your own mistakes. Dong Qing decided to take the initiative to apologize.

In the subsequent Spring Festival Gala behind-the-scenes seminar, Dong Qing sincerely made a self-criticism and sincerely apologized to Ma Ji, Ma Dong and his son, the director team, and audience friends across the country for his mistakes.

Everyone can make mistakes, so everyone has the right to be forgiven.It is not terrible to make a mistake. What is terrible is that after making a mistake, for the sake of face, for vanity, and for various reasons, the attitude of covering up mistakes, denying sophistry, not admitting mistakes, not apologizing, and being stubborn.

Confucius said: "Knowing a mistake can correct it, there is nothing good about it." Knowing a mistake, admitting it, and then correcting it is the most correct attitude to face a mistake.No one will look down on you just because you made a mistake and apologized. On the contrary, people will look down on you if you refuse to admit your mistakes.

At the 2010 Lantern Festival Gala, Dong Qing said "day" in "Last year's Lantern Festival, the lights of the flower market were like day" as "book" when stringing together words.

The famous playwright Mr. Wei Minglun discovered and pointed out this mistake.

Dong Qing accepted the criticism humbly, sent a text message to apologize to Mr. Wei, and publicly apologized to the audience.

After this incident, Dong Qing deeply felt that her background and knowledge were not solid enough, so she actively recharged herself in her spare time, and even, in order to make herself "better", at the peak of her career, she resolutely tore off her body. "label", went to the United States for further study, determined to "start from scratch".

Knowing mistakes, admitting mistakes, and correcting mistakes is actually a nirvana of continuous self-renewal.

Acknowledging mistakes, whether passive or active, can make people more clearly aware of their own shortcomings and deficiencies.

Acknowledging mistakes can not only eliminate misunderstandings and barriers between each other, and solve problems more effectively. It can also reflect a person's mind, capacity, and sense of responsibility, enhance personal charm, and make people feel honest, frank, and reliable.

In the past, Mr. Xu Beihong once drew a picture "Writing Poetry of Plumbing in Spring River on Dongpo", in which a female shelduck was drawn.

The shelduck is lifelike, with distinct wings and beaks, curled tail feathers like rings, swaying soles of feet, and the movement of the river, which is very expressive.Many people praised it, but an old man from the countryside frowned.He said to Xu Beihong: "Sir, you drew the duck wrongly. How can the tail of the female shelduck be so long?"

Afterwards, the old man told Xu Beihong that the tail feathers of male shelducks are bright and long, and some male ducks also have curly tail feathers, but the tail feathers of female shelducks are dull and very short, so they don’t curl at all. Therefore, Xu Beihong drew the duck wrongly. .

At that time, Xu Beihong was already a well-known leader in the painting circle, while the old farmer was unknown. Faced with such criticism, especially in public, Xu Beihong did not feel ashamed, but humbly accepted the advice of the old farmer and admitted that it was his own. He was negligent in sketching, made mistakes in painting, and expressed his deep gratitude to the old man.

In the years that followed, Mr. Xu put a lot of effort into sketching, paying special attention to some details that are easily overlooked, striving for perfection, constantly improving himself, and finally becoming a generation of masters.

Hemingway said in "True Nobility": "It is not noble to be superior to others. The real nobility should be superior to your past self."

If you make a mistake, you should admit your mistake. This is a matter of course and understandable.

Admitting mistakes is not something to be ashamed of. On the contrary, recognizing our mistakes and admitting them bravely can just show that we are more stable and mature than when we made mistakes, and that we are growing, which is a good thing.However, when it comes to admitting mistakes, here, the author has to say a few more words.What is an admission of error?How do you admit your mistake?Is it okay to say "I'm sorry"?Obviously not.

In fact, speaking of it, admitting mistakes is also a science. If you don’t admit your mistakes well, if you don’t offend others, it may deepen the estrangement and misunderstanding between each other; The relationship with each other goes further and deeper.

So, in the final analysis, how should we recognize this mistake?
First of all, be honest and really realize where you are wrong.

Cicero said: "Everyone makes mistakes, but only fools are obsessed with it." Wrong, there is no point in moaning, just admit your mistakes locally and apologize.

It’s just that whether it’s admitting a mistake or apologizing, it’s us who are actively asking for peace, and we want to be forgiven by others. This is our own responsibility, not the injured party forcing us to do it. Be sincere, be sincere, don't make excuses to shirk responsibility, don't whitewash your mistakes, don't "take it for granted" to sophistry, and don't ramble, let alone think "you won't be generous if you don't forgive me".Remember, you are here to admit your mistakes, not to find fault!
Also, to admit your mistakes, you must at least know where you are wrong.Otherwise, if you just say something like "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong, please forgive me" dryly, but avoid talking about your mistakes, it will easily make people think that you are perfunctory and that your apology has no sincerity.

For example, if you and your friend had a heated argument because of a disagreement about someone or something, during which you said something hurtful, then when you admit your mistake, it is better to say something like "I know Wrong, don't be angry, forgive me." This kind of unnutritious, seemingly reluctant rhetoric, "I was wrong, I shouldn't quarrel with you about this matter, it's normal for each other to have different opinions, I I think this thing is right, it's just my personal opinion, we don't agree, it doesn't mean you are wrong, but I quarreled with you because of this, I was wrong, I apologize for my immaturity, please forgive me "Such a statement will undoubtedly make people feel your sincerity.

Secondly, there are many ways to admit mistakes, but they must be timely.

All emotions have a fermentation process, and all contradictions are constantly expanding in accumulation.Therefore, to alleviate conflicts and maintain relationships, the most important thing is to stifle conflicts, negative emotions, estrangement, etc. in the "cradle". If you know you are wrong, you should quickly admit your mistakes and apologize. The reason is to delay until it can no longer be delayed before apologizing.When that time really comes, no matter how sincerely you admit your mistakes, others will think that you are reluctant and that you are forced by the situation. Otherwise, why did you go early?
Of course, girls are always thin-skinned, and sometimes it's really hard to say an apology.That's okay, after all, there are many ways to admit mistakes and apologize, and you don't have to say "I'm sorry" to be sincere.

For example, an apology can be made in writing.It is not bad to write an apology letter to him/her who has been hurt, send an apology email, and sincerely express your apology.

For another example, you are really not good at apologizing, and you can’t say anything to admit your mistakes. Then, send the other party some small gifts, such as flowers, chocolates, books, or simply treat the other party to a meal, and convey to the other party that you are sincere in a tactful way. It's okay to make a sincere apology and let the other party feel your sincerity.

Again, mistakes must be corrected in time.

What better way to express apology than to correct a mistake in a timely manner?No!

Disagreements have occurred, mistakes have occurred, perhaps, a simple apology cannot make up for anything, and it is impossible to see the true attitude, but the actions are different.

Admitting your mistakes with practical actions and correcting your own mistakes is sometimes more useful than saying "I'm sorry" [-] million times.Of course, it would be more perfect if you could admit your mistake and say "I'm sorry" before correcting it.

All in all, it is never too late to correct a mistake.It's okay to be wrong, just to apologize.Women who can really talk and do things will never try to cover up their mistakes, let alone find plausible excuses for their mistakes, because they know that a sincere apology is worth a thousand words, and a responsible person Women are more attractive!
Take the initiative to play a supporting role and encourage the other party to talk more
It is an inborn instinct of human beings to want to be noticed, surrounded and admired, and to be the unique protagonist. However, the stage is so big, and there are so many places in the center of the stage. After all, only a few can stand on it.Therefore, instead of fighting for a position that may be really out of reach for us at the moment, with bloody heads and wounds all over the body, it is better to take the initiative to be a star that reflects the moon, bright and clear, and see the light .

For more than [-] years in the industry, Dong Qing has always adhered to a presiding creed, that is, "treat yourself as a green leaf".

Whether it is the National Young Singer TV Grand Prix (hereinafter referred to as the Youth Song Competition), the Spring Festival Gala, or "Readers" and "Chinese Poetry Conference", the role of the host is to coordinate, guide, and properly control the field, so that the atmosphere is harmonious, Let the show go on smoothly and happily, instead of overwhelming the guests.Dong Qing is well aware of this.

In the No.11 Youth Song Competition, Dong Qing is one of the hosts. In the professional group competition, you can always see her dignified and bright figure, but she is trying her best to play down her appearance. She bluntly said: "I am The one who reads the questions on the screen."

In fact, as she said, during the competition, what she did the most was "recite questions", her tone was soft, steady, and meticulous, and occasionally she would silently encourage the contestants with eyes and smiles, and occasionally she would say a few words. A "digression" to comfort the contestant's emotions, she understands that in this arena, she is not the protagonist, she restrains her brilliance, and is willing to do her best to play a supporting role and do her best.

It is not necessary to stand in the center of the stage to highlight a person's gold content. The protagonist is very important, and the supporting role is also very important.

A smart woman would never want to be the only shining light; a woman who can talk understands the dark light of "green leaves" best.

Say less for yourself, let others talk more, lose a third of your glory, bring out the beauty of others, be willing to embellish yourself, let others become the "protagonist" of the conversation, sometimes, in fact, there is really nothing wrong with it.

Wang Han, the head host of Hunan Satellite TV, presented three "tips" when talking about hosting work:
[-]. Learn to be obedient; [-]. Don’t be obsessed with applause; [-]. Be willing to be a green leaf.

He said that the host should adjust his position and become a green leaf to set off every guest who comes.

After all, aside from other times, in the show, the real protagonists are always the guests.

As he said, so he did.Whether it is hosting "True Love", "Happy Boys", or "Super Girl" and "Rose Covenant", he has actively and consciously become a supporter.

Everyone has a self-respecting nature, no one wants to be a supporting role, no one is willing to be an embellishment, but sometimes, especially when communicating with others, it is actually a "green leaf" that can set off all the "safflowers". good.After all, there are tens of thousands of "green leaves" that set off the "safflower", but only one "safflower" is set off by the "green leaves", so it's okay to be a "green leaf".What's more, being a "green leaf" also has the benefits of being a "green leaf".

Li Xue is a graduate of a design major from a third-rate college in the provincial capital. After graduation, because she has no work experience and her academic qualifications are not dazzling, she searched for three months before finally joining the design department of a small local advertising company.

Unlike other large companies that are constantly replenished with fresh blood, Li Xue's company is small, with limited funds, and the design department is full of old employees over [-] years old. They have rich qualifications and experience, but their thinking is rigid. I know less about fashion trends and fashion elements, lack of creativity in design, and lack of grasp of some novel concepts.And these are precisely Li Xue's strengths.Therefore, sometimes when colleagues encounter some "new concepts" when doing project design, they will come to Li Xue to discuss them. It should be..." "It's up to me" "I think you are like this..." After a long time, Li Xue gradually found that her colleagues' attitude towards her became more and more indifferent.

At first, she was very puzzled, but after several days of self-reflection, and asking a few mature and experienced friends, Li Xue understood where she was wrong.

She is too "dazzling" and wants to express herself too much. She always inadvertently criticizes her colleagues, loves to talk, and always unconsciously highlights her strengths and roles. She always has a look of "I am the protagonist, The attitude of "I'm smarter than you" is obviously annoying.

After realizing this, Li Xue made a change. When communicating with colleagues, she no longer "relied on small sellers", did not rush to talk, and did not talk endlessly. Instead, she turned herself into a "green leaf" and put "What do you think?" This concept is newly popular on the Internet, which means... My understanding is just like this. You see, you have rich experience and know a lot. Can you analyze it from the perspective of xxx, so that I can gain more knowledge? ""Hey, I don't dare to say 'ask for advice'. I just learned this." "I'm just a brick, and I'm only responsible for throwing bricks and attracting jade. About this project, I have a question to ask you..." and so on The words are on the lips, and after "resolving confusion" for colleagues, I never talk too much, and I am not greedy for credit. Most of the time, I will subtly change the topic, listen silently, give the right to speak to colleagues, "hold" them, and give colleagues the right to speak. Opportunities for "pointing out".

Gradually, her popularity improved, and her colleagues treated her kindly, and were willing to mention her and help her if they had anything to do. Li Xue's career path seemed to become much smoother and broader all of a sudden.

"If you want to make an enemy, it's easy, you try to get past him, squeeze him. But if you want to win some friends, you have to make a small sacrifice - and that's to make the other person get ahead of you." You, walk in front of you." A well-known French psychologist warned us.

Therefore, when we usually talk and do things, we might as well take the initiative to take a step back, make a step, and be a supporting role. This does not lose anything, but it allows us to gain more.Not to mention anything else, a good popularity is certain.And at the moment when ability and connections are important, a good relationship can really bring us too much.

Of course, "Green Leaf" is actually not so easy to be.To be a good "green leaf" also needs to work hard and master some small skills.For example, you should "praise" appropriately, but don't "praise" too much. Tell the truth cleverly, without bragging or flattering, and don't deliberately highlight or flatter anything; To make a conclusion, words with absolute meaning should be used less; for example, to answer the conversation appropriately, to pick up quarrels, to pass "ladders" and "topics" to the other party, to let the other party talk more, talk more, show more, and so on.

There are no flowers in the green leaves, silently reflecting the bonus; the stars are shining, and the moon is beautifully adorned; the leading role has the glory of the leading role, and the supporting role has the brilliance of the supporting role. A talking woman never rushes to be the leading role, but takes the initiative to be a supporting role, encouraging the other party to talk more Performance, let the other party become the point of focus, in this way, not only gain the other party's favor, even gratitude, but also achieve your own goals, benefit without cost, but can achieve the best of both worlds.

Women who can talk are masters at "showing weakness"

I once saw such a short story on Weibo:

There are two kinds of blue crabs living in the coastal waters of Australia. One is irritable, fierce, and aggressive, and dares to confront anyone; the other is gentle and weak, and is used to showing weakness. Play dead at every turn.

Originally, the numbers of the two kinds of blue-shelled crabs were equal. However, hundreds of years later, the population of the aggressive blue-shelled crabs decreased sharply and was on the verge of extinction;

There is nothing wrong with being sharp and powerful. However, once the strong collide, either both sides will suffer, or both will die. The result is always bad.On the contrary, be softer, show weakness appropriately, take the initiative to avoid the edges and corners of the opponent, take retreat as a policy, stick to the way of square circle, but you can better protect yourself, and sometimes, you can get full of surprises.

In other words, taking the initiative to "show weakness" is not cowardice, but a kind of survival wisdom.Those who can show weakness and take the initiative to show weakness have always been wise people who are indifferent, confident and calm.

Dong Qing is a well-known speaker on CCTV, and she is known to be able to speak. One of the main reasons why her words are beyond the charts is that she knows how to show weakness.

Whether in life or work, when communicating with others, Dong Qing always has a soft tone, smiles lightly, never loses his temper, and is never aggressive.

After studying in the United States and returning to China, Dong Qing was in an embarrassing situation after returning to CCTV.After all, one radish is one hole. Since Dong Qing chose to leave back then, her "pit" was naturally taken up by other "radishes". When she came back, she was somewhat at a loss. Years have not appeared on the list of hosts for the Spring Festival Gala.

In this regard, it is inevitable that there will be resentment in anyone's heart.Dong Qing was still peaceful, gentle and calm.

She took the initiative to choose Buzheng and made a brand new program - "The Reader".

It's really hard for a new program to get off the ground.

There was a regular meeting of the editorial committee in the station, and some participants thought that fast-selling entertainment programs were the hottest ratings, and it was really inappropriate to spend a lot of effort to produce a cultural program that was "destined to be dismal" in ratings.Some people even bluntly expressed their denial, and their words were not very polite.

Faced with such disapproval, Dong Qing did not quarrel with anyone, nor did she refute or argue tit-for-tat, but showed weakness and made a statement, from changes in social and cultural orientation, to per capita reading, from per capita When it comes to reading aloud, in the end, he summed up softly: "We need such an opportunity so that everyone can watch a program in peace." Afterwards, he was more soft and gentle, expressing his sincerity in making the program and his "pleading for support" ".

In the end, most of the participants chose to support her.

"The teeth are so hard, but they fall out one by one; the tongue is so soft, but it will always be with you." Too many times, too many women are defeated by being strong.It is true that there is nothing wrong with showing off your personality, showing yourself, doing your part, and being stronger. However, in some occasions and environments, it is more conducive to communication and easier to get things done if you show weakness appropriately.

Zhang Qian is the sales manager of an Internet company. She is young and promising with a strong personality.

In the past week, Xiao Li in the sales department was always absent-minded at work, and his performance plummeted, which dragged down the department. Colleagues complained a lot, and Zhang Qian was also very dissatisfied, so she decided to talk to Xiao Li.

In the office, as soon as Xiao Li entered the door, Zhang Qian directly questioned: "Xiao Li, your recent performance is a bit bad. Your performance is too poor. What's the matter? Are you lazy in private and perfunctory at work?"

When Xiao Li heard this, she was a little displeased. She explained: "Manager, I know I'm not in a good state recently, but I've tried my best. My family..."

Before Xiao Li could finish speaking, Zhang Qian interrupted her, and shouted loudly: "Do your best? Do you also call it your best? Eight hours, four hours of distraction, taking clients to see houses, making the community You made a mistake. Are you trying your best? You just seem to be trying your best! Let me tell you, Xiao Li, I also worked step by step from a salesperson, and the tricks below can’t fool me..."

After a burst of machine-gun robbing and reprimanding, Zhang Qian directly gave Xiao Li an ultimatum: "At the end of the month, if you still can't keep up with your performance, pack up and leave!"

"Leave as soon as you leave! I don't care about staying in this crappy company." Xiao Li responded bitterly.After speaking, he slammed the door and left.

Looking at Xiao Li's back, Zhang Qian was a little taken aback.She didn't want to really fire Xiao Li, she just wanted to frighten her, but she didn't expect...

The strong show weakness, and the weak show strength. The so-called strength is never superficial. The strong in the mouth is not really strong, and showing weakness properly does not mean weakness.

Eileen Chang said: "A woman who is good at bowing her head is the most powerful woman." "Bowing her head" does not mean shrinking or cowardice. training.

As for women, it is true wisdom to show weakness in order to remain strong.As a person behaves, so does speaking.

Sometimes, it is difficult to communicate and do things, and people always talk to each other without speculation. The reason is that both parties are unwilling to tear off their "powerful" label, unwilling to go along with each other properly, and hope to be able to dominate the conversation. Rhythm, so, the final result, but broke up on bad terms.

But in fact, the main purpose of speaking is to communicate smoothly. Sometimes, there is no need to be too serious. It is true that you are strong and I am weak, but it makes the scene a mess. It is really not worth the candle.

Everyone knows how to be brave, however, tit for tat, for a momentary benefit, in the end, most of what you get in return is full of flaws in popularity; what's more, sometimes, you can't even get a momentary benefit .

On the contrary, if you talk and do things, behave softer and weaker, occasionally pretend to be confused, and give in, but you can get another picture-perfect time and a brighter future.

Fudan University celebration, Wang Yao and her husband Qi Xin attended together.

On the day of the school celebration, old and new classmates gathered together, chatting and teasing, and the communication was very harmonious.

In front of her classmates, Wang Yao always looks like a little bird. When it comes to family and career, she also highly praises her husband. .

Talking about herself, she said with a smile: "I am a little girl raised by Qi Xin. I am far behind Qi Xin. I have no innovation ability and poor execution ability. I can only honestly work for others. No boss."

But in fact, Wang Yao, who is the president of the Greater China region of an international communication giant, is much higher than her husband Qi Xin in terms of career and income.She is not weak, on the contrary, she is very strong, but at home and abroad, in and out of words, she always puts herself in a "weak" position. This "showing weakness" does not detract from her strength at all, but makes her Their relationship between husband and wife is more harmonious, and they are still as loving and sweet as ever after 20 years of marriage.

The communication between people is like the structure of a building. Tenon collides with tenon, you protrude and I protrude, and sparks are bound to fly; The mortise and tenon fit together, one retreats and one advances, one concave and one convex, and only then can the seams be truly tight.As is the case with mortise and tenon construction, so is communication.

Appropriately showing weakness in life can avoid many conflicts and frictions; appropriately showing weakness at work can save many unnecessary troubles; appropriately showing weakness in marriage can make the marriage happier and more complete; appropriately showing weakness by the strong can show openness and measure , the weak show weakness, can accumulate strength, avoid the "beacon fire", gradually become stronger, and finally achieve a qualitative change; men show weakness, more humble, elegant demeanor, which makes people happy; women show weakness, slender, gentle and firm, will also appear more Authentic, cute and gracious.

Of course, "showing weakness" is just a communication strategy, it doesn't mean deliberate self-deprecation and flattery. It's a medium scale, and women need to flexibly speculate and grasp it in daily communication practice.

think twice, speak carefully
Where there are people, there are circles, where there are circles, there is communication, and where there is communication, words are always indispensable.

Words convey one's heart, to the point, being able to speak well is certainly a joy, but it is inevitable that people will be bored by talking freely.Therefore, it is also the meaning of the title that "think twice before speaking" has become a hot-selling item in "Huashu Taobao Store".

Since appearing on the screen in 1994, in more than 20 years, Dong Qing has hosted countless programs, such as "Charm 12", "Meet Saturday", "I want to go to the Spring Festival Gala", "Happy China Tour", "Long Reader", "Chinese Poetry Conference" etc. are very brilliant, Spring Festival Gala, Youth Song Competition, and various international peaks, you can often see her figure.

There is no doubt that Dong Qing is a well-deserved winner in life in the host world, and the reason why she won so calmly, the greatest confidence, is nothing more than the almost zero error rate.Whether it is live broadcast or recording, Dong Qing rarely makes mistakes in her speech. In more than 20 years, the number of mistakes is only 10 times at most. This statistic is really impressive.

How did Dong Qing do it?It's simple, think before you speak.

Before speaking, pause for a second or two, go through what you want to say in your mind, see if there is anything that should not be said, see if it is logical, and think about what others will think and think after hearing this , Think about whether there is a more appropriate way to say this, and then say it, the effect will be better.

"The Analects of Confucius" says: "Be careful what you say." There is also a saying in "Yi": "When chaos arises, words are regarded as the order." Once a word is spoken, it is like flooding water and cannot be taken back. You must not be careless. Therefore, you need to think twice and be cautious.Sickness enters from the mouth, misfortune comes from the mouth, without thinking before speaking, without thinking before speaking, reckless and shapeless, many times, you will suffer the consequences yourself.

In August 2010, a shooting incident occurred in the Philippines. In the incident, many Chinese Hong Kong tourists were injured and eight people died.

After the incident, Hong Kong Island was criticized. The vicious murderer was denounced. The Philippine police who failed to arrest the murderer for a long time, reacted slowly at the time of the incident, and delayed the best time to save people were also accused of being incompetent.It was under such a general environment that Hong Kong movie star Jackie Chan extended a "helping hand" to the Philippine police for some unknown reason, tweeting: "Hong Kong, China is a multiracial society, don't worry, We don't hate."

As soon as this remark came out, it immediately aroused public outrage. People in Hong Kong, China expressed doubts, incomprehension, and anger, and denounced it as "the shame of Hong Kong, China." The influence of Hong Kong, China has also dropped a lot as a result.

Perhaps, Jackie Chan himself has no intention of grandstanding. He feels that although the Philippine police are also responsible, they should not be overly criticized. Inappropriate.

A person can be without talent, without face, but not without virtue; a person can be seldom talkative, reticent, and not nonsense.

God gave us two eyes, two ears, and one mouth, so that we can see widely, hear widely and speak carefully.To be slow in speech and quick in action is the way of a gentleman.Of course, the world has changed, times have changed, and in today's society, the most popular people are always those who can talk.However, being able to speak does not mean talking a lot, nor does it mean speaking indiscriminately. People who can really speak are actually people who think twice and speak carefully.

In other words, being careful with your words has nothing to do with the amount. Those who speak cautiously can be eloquent, and those who speak carelessly, even if they only say one sentence, can offend the whole world.

The way of speaking is as simple as it is complicated, and the ancient norms are also applicable today.

Alibaba Chairman Jack Ma was invited to give a speech at Tsinghua University.

When talking about "entrepreneurship and the future" and the relationship between "studying and success", he didn't speak nonsense, but after careful consideration, he said, "I don't read much, but I regard our company's more than 1 employees as employees. books to read. Each of them is a book."

This remark is wonderful, not only cleverly concealing the embarrassment of not having much experience, but also imparting the most authentic "successful" experience.If you don't think twice, you can't say this.

Similar cases, in life, at work, in the circle, outside the circle, there are actually many, many more.

When the same words are spoken by different people and in different words, the responses of the listeners are also quite different.

Many times, we are used to talking quickly, we are used to blurting out, but we don't know that "the speaker has no intention, but the listener has a heart", if we don't think twice before speaking, rash and impulsive, outspoken, say what comes to mind, it is very likely to say something To be blamed is to harm others and not benefit oneself.

Self-cultivation and clean deeds, words must have Shengmo.If you want to gain good popularity and make communication smoother, you must always have a bit of "beautiful scheming" when speaking, such as being cautious in your words, such as thinking twice before speaking, which is good.

Sometimes the order of speaking is important
There are many kinds of speaking skills, but one word is wonderful. There are many speaking skills, so many that they are overwhelming, but in fact, society is the most real classroom. It has taught women too much, such as proper praise; for example Take into account the face of the other party and put a high hat on the other party; for example, you should do what you like; for example, you should criticize yourself before criticizing others; for example, when speaking, you should pay attention to the word order, the same sentence, different word order, the effect of expression In fact, quite different.

Two trainee priests celebrated Mass with the priest.

The mass was very long, and the process was even more boring. Halfway through, the two pastors were both addicted to cigarettes and wanted to smoke a cigarette to refresh their spirits.

Pastor A asked the priest cautiously: "Sir, can I smoke a cigarette while praying?"

Hearing this, the priest was very angry, thinking that he was blaspheming God, and scolded him severely.

Seeing this, Pastor B shrank his head and didn't dare to speak. After a while, he couldn't bear it anymore, so he walked up to the priest and asked, "Sir, can I pray while smoking?" Dayue, thinking that his belief in the Lord is very pious, smiled and nodded in agreement.

In fact, there are many similar situations and examples, the most famous ones are Zeng Guofan's "repeatedly defeated" and "repeatedly defeated", and the monkey's "one day three and four nights" and "one day four nights three", the content is the same Yes, the essence of the matter is the same, but with a different terminology, adjusted word order, semantics, emotions, etc., earth-shaking changes have taken place.I have to say, this is really an amazing thing.

As the head of CCTV, Dong Qing, who has been working for many years, has always been well versed in the magic of word order, and uses it proficiently in work and life.

The seventh issue of "Long Reader" is "Farewell". When it comes to "Farewell", a thousand people have a thousand feelings. Dong Qing said: "Farewell is both the end and the beginning, pain and hope. It is best to face farewell The attitude is to bid farewell.” Here, Dong Qing just slightly adjusted the order of the words, and slightly adjusted the order of beginning, end, hope, and pain, and the meaning became completely different, even if he was talking about such a heavy topic as farewell. It can also be said to be full of business.

Do not believe?My dear, you reversed the word order, "Farewell, it is the beginning and the end, it is hope and pain", do you have two feelings when you read it?

The word order of speaking seems to be insignificant, but it is very mysterious. If you master the technique, you can get different surprises in many cases.

When her sister was in labor, Tian Tian and her brother-in-law Qi Wei were waiting outside the delivery room.

The brother-in-law was a little restless, either circling back and forth in the corridor, or stretching his neck to look into the delivery room.

Tian Tian was also very anxious, flustered, and couldn't calm down no matter what.

Outside the delivery room, there are many family members of mothers waiting anxiously like them. Tian Tian heard that many people asked excitedly after the birth of the child: "Is it a boy or a girl? Is the child okay? Is the adult okay?" It seemed quite normal, but Tian Tian was inexplicably uncomfortable.

About an hour later, there was a loud cry of a baby in the delivery room, and my sister gave birth.

Tian Tian and her brother-in-law hurried over.

The brother-in-law stopped the nurse very anxiously and asked: "How is the adult, okay?" The nurse said: "Very good, but a little weak." The brother-in-law was relieved, and then asked: "How about the child, okay?" The nurse nodded: "The baby is fine, very strong, and weighs eight catties." The brother-in-law was relieved again, and then asked enthusiastically, "Boy or girl?"

In the same words, different ways of asking successively express different emotional appeals.

Things have priorities, and love can be true or false. The so-called words come from the heart, and the sequence in the words reflects the sequence of emotions.

Qi Wei asked the adults first, then the children, and finally the gender, which undoubtedly proves that in his heart, the safety of his wife is the first priority.In contrast, whether the child is a boy or a girl is less important.Qi Wei doesn't talk much, but the sequence of words shows his truest and deepest love for his wife.

People need clothes, Buddhas need gold, and words need to be dressed in order.The same word, the same sentence, if the word order is reversed, the emphasis is different, and the meaning and emotion expressed will be different.

Look at these two sentences: 1. Xiao Li fell asleep when he was working. 2. Xiao Li is drowsy and still working.

After listening to the first sentence, many people will think that Xiao Li has a negative work attitude and is not a good employee; but after hearing the second sentence, Xiao Li's image immediately becomes "magnificent and upright", bursting with positive energy.But in fact, the two sentences are just talking about the same person and the same thing.The big difference lies in the word order.

So, how to adjust the word order?To be honest, this is a cumbersome and meticulous job, and you can’t explain a few sentences clearly. You have to take the initiative to explore and accumulate the specific situation, but there are two points that must be paid attention to.

First, let's talk about the key points first, and then talk about the minutiae.

In daily work and life, there are always some people who always like to be comprehensive and meticulous, whether it is reporting work or handing over tasks.To be honest, there is nothing wrong with it. On the contrary, this serious, responsible and meticulous attitude is worthy of recognition. However, you explain too much and are too detailed, digging out and explaining all the details, even if it is well-intentioned, sometimes , It will also give people a bad impression of chattering and chattering.

How to do it?The easiest way is to bring the important things and the overall framework to the front.Briefly summarize what you want to say first, and then go into details.Or, make clear what you want to say, time, etc. before you speak. For example, when you have a meeting, you should first declare how many aspects you will talk about today, in what time, and how long it will take. People feel drowsy or look at their watches frequently because they feel that this will grow to be endless. At the same time, it can also make people feel that you are precise and efficient in speaking and doing things.

Second, because things make words, for some things, we should talk about the results first, and then talk about other things.

Different things, different environments, facing different people, and speaking different words, the order of words will naturally be different.

Gossip and jokes and stories can naturally be told step by step, but some urgent matters, especially matters related to the success or failure of life and death, should be straight to the point, and the results should be discussed first, so as to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. Even lead to some bad consequences.

For example, on the way home from school, Mingming met a gangster with a knife and was kidnapped. Fortunately, the special police arrived in time, subdued the gangster, and rescued Mingming.How should I tell Mingming's parents about this?
The first way of saying: "Mother Mingming, it's not good. Your family met a gangster on the way from school and was caught. The gangster still had a knife in his hand. I heard..."

I don’t need to say anything about the latter, because my mother has already fainted from anxiety. If she is not in good health and hears the “bad news”, she may have high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. The child is fine. The parents fell first.

The second way of saying: "Mom Mingming, let me tell you something, you have to thank the special police comrades, if they didn't arrive in time, your family is obviously in danger."

Saying that, it's like giving Mingming's mother a reassurance. Knowing that the child is fine, she won't be too emotional. After that, when she talks about the details of being kidnapped and rescued, the effect will naturally be much better.

All in all, the discourse is divided into sequence, there is Miaozhen in sequence, knowing the truth and mystery, laughing and being a talkative person.

"Word value" double killing: face and hat
There are three bowls of noodles in life: scene, affection, face.

The scene needs to be round, boiling water to boil soup, ostentation, if it cannot be rounded, it cannot be supported, it is not decent;
Love needs to be given, warm soup and elegant cooking, soft and gentle, it is always difficult to refuse, no matter whether you ignore it, you just don’t give the noodles;
The face needs to be honored, sour, sweet, bitter, spicy, all flavors are in harmony, the love is deep, and if you are disobedient, you are ruthless;

Three bowls of noodles, cooked three times, with all kinds of flavors, the scene can be pushed, but the love is hard to lose, the most important thing to lose is face.

A smart woman who can talk will never do or say things that are embarrassing. No matter who the communication partner is, she will give the other party enough face with her words, so she has benefited a lot.

When the famous program host Bai Yansong was invited to be a guest of "Long Reader", Dong Qing smiled sweetly and generously. The first sentence he said when seeing Bai Yansong was "It should be said that you are also going home. In 2016, "Long Reader" is still brewing. At that time, Yansong was our planner.”In just one sentence, he showed respect and joy, and even subtly paid tribute to Bai Yansong, which can be said to have given him enough face.

"Long Reader" received rave reviews, and netizens praised each other, saying that Dong Qing helped them regain their "original heart", understand "companionship", and get to know "hometown". Everyone gave a "high hat", she said: "The meeting between "Long Reader" and everyone can make us feel more beautiful between each other."

While elevating others, you also fulfill yourself.Give others face, and you have a face.

What is smart?What is talking?That's it.

The so-called "people fight for one breath, Buddhas fight for one stick of incense", Chinese people have always valued face.Talking and doing things, communicating with people, if you give enough face, you can accomplish anything; if you lose face, even a simple and easy thing can cause countless waves in your life and fail.And offering a "high hat" is undoubtedly the best way to give "face".

Arthur Conan Doyle is a famous British novelist. He is famous all over the world for his creation of "The Collection of Sherlock Holmes". There are countless fans. There are many people who want to get his autograph, but very few can actually get it.

Anyone who is familiar with Conan Doyle knows that he is unassuming and rarely, if ever, signed autographs for anyone, but he made an exception for a Brazilian fan.

The fan wrote Conan Doyle a letter saying, "I'd love to get an autographed photo of you and hang it in my room so I can I see you every day, and I believe that if a thief enters the house and sees your photo, he will definitely run away in fright."

After reading the letter, Conan Doyle readily sent an autographed photo.

A person has a face, a tree has a skin, they are all ordinary people, who would not want to be "top hated"?Who doesn't save face?The reason why sometimes "wearing a high hat" on others is still ineffective and even disgusting is because the "hat" is worn crookedly, or it is simply worn wrong.Therefore, to give people face and wear a high hat, you have to adapt to individual conditions, tailor them to suit the size, and make people wear them comfortably and happily, so that you can get the desired effect.

Because of business needs, Carnegie, the steel king, hopes to reach a cooperation with Flick, the coke king, to jointly establish a coal company.

The new company injected 200 million capital, Carnegie contributed 167.5 million, accounting for 50% of the shares, and Frick contributed 32.5, also accounting for 50% of the shares. The daily management and operation of the company was solely in charge of by Flick.

Such conditions are not unreasonable. However, Flick's attitude is very hesitant, and he even expressed the meaning of rejection several times.

Many people in the Carnegie Steel Group think that Flick is a little ignorant, or is deliberately playing tricks, but Carnegie doesn't think so.

Before deciding to cooperate with Flick, Carnegie observed him carefully for a long time. He knew that Flick was a strong young man who "would rather be a chicken head than a phoenix tail." 90% of the reasons why he chose to refuse The reason is that they are afraid that after the establishment of the company, it will be affiliated to the Carnegie Group and operate in the name of the group. It will give people a feeling that Flick sold his company and went to Carnegie, which is difficult for the proud Frick to accept. .

Therefore, Carnegie approached Flickr, and first praised him for being young, brave, and talented, and then said bluntly: "The new company is called Flickr Coke Company."

Sure enough, upon hearing this, Flick readily agreed to Carnegie's proposal for cooperation.

What is face?In fact, it does not simply refer to the face, it symbolizes and implies many things.

The ancients admired rituals, and there was a saying that "although the teachings of the Six Classics are different, rituals are the foundation of everything." If you don't know the rituals, you can't stand, and the rituals are the foundation of maintaining social order and human relations.Being born in the world has its own identity, status, principles and attitudes in dealing with things. If you do something that does not conform to your identity, violates etiquette, and is contrary to your own honor, reputation, and status, it is called disrespectful. To the outside world, it is lost. face.Similarly, harming others in various ways such as words and actions, disregarding others' reputation and status, disrespecting others, and being rude to others regardless of the occasion, can all be attributed to not giving face.

Many times, many people, especially those with relatively prominent status, power, and reputation, more or less have a complex of "sacrificing face and suffering". Fortunately, they are willing to hold up their faces even if they are "high hated".

In ancient times, a barber was ordered to shave the prime minister's face. Halfway through the shave, he suddenly stopped cutting and stared at the prime minister's stomach in a daze.

The prime minister asked him what happened.He said: "I often hear people say that the prime minister's belly can hold a boat, but I don't think your belly is big. How can this boat hold up?"

The prime minister couldn't help laughing when he heard the words, and explained: "The prime minister's ability to punt a boat is a metaphor. It means that the prime minister is big-hearted and broad-minded. He doesn't like to care about everything, but he is generous and tolerant."

As soon as the prime minister finished speaking, the barber knelt down to him, crying and said, "My lord, please forgive the villain. The villain just trimmed your eyebrows for you and accidentally shaved off your left eyebrow."

The left eyebrow was shaved off?Is this okay?The prime minister was furious, and was about to explode when he suddenly remembered that he said just now that the prime minister was magnanimous and tolerant. This attack meant he slapped himself in the face, so he endured it and said gently: "It's okay, use eyebrow pencil Just redraw the eyebrows."

An ingenious "top hat" makes the prime minister look good. For the sake of face and reputation, he can't be stingy.A hairdresser who went horribly wrong saved his own life.The wonderfulness of speaking skills and the ability of "top hat" can be seen from this.

People like to be praised, recognized, and respected. With face, self-esteem and vanity are satisfied at the same time. No matter who it is, the heart is always happy.Emotions can be divided into good and bad moods. When you are in a good mood, people are naturally "easy to talk" and easy to accommodate. If you take a step back, even if you don't want to help others get things done, you can't accommodate according to the rules. Because of "face" and "hat", you will not set up Card set trip.

However, it should be noted that when people "wear a high hat", they must be careful and respect the most objective and basic facts. A little exaggeration is acceptable, but not too exaggerated.

In addition, it's okay to "wear a high hat" to others, but don't "wear a high hat" to yourself. Raising others is equivalent to raising yourself, but conversely, raising yourself is tantamount to belittling others, even if you don't belittle yourself. "Wearing a high hat" exclusively enjoys honor, fame, and achievement status, which will also make many people dissatisfied, jealous, and resentful. Moreover, it will make people think that you are not humble enough, cautious enough, or too arrogant.

(End of this chapter)