Thank you for loving me like life

Chapter 7
I want to be a thief, secretly stealing from you a love that belongs to others.

Qian Juan was determined to win, but she didn't want Xiao Di to write a long letter on the night Chen Ning registered with her. This sad letter wrote about her life experience and her bumpy love journey.After Chen Ning read it, he strengthened his belief in cherishing Xiaodi. If it wasn't for this letter, her temptation to Chen Ning would not have been an attempt, but a failure.

As the letter says——

Husband:

I wanted to tell you everything about me, but I was about to speak, but my throat was blocked by tears.

Prevent the words from not expressing the meaning when telling you, and prevent yourself from being emotionally hurt when telling the story, and being too sad to speak.

The place where I was born is in a remote and backward small village, so small that it cannot be found on the map.When a man and a woman become husband and wife, they only need to hold a few tables of wedding banquets after the ceremony, and it will be done.

When I was five years old, when my mother took me to the city to find my father, I didn’t know that my father who was working outside had married someone else and had children, and she, the wife who had a banquet in his hometown, became an unknown black household. .

My mom and dad got into an argument, which brought on the neighbors.The neighbors heard my mother crying and telling my father to abandon his wife and daughter. My father became angry and pointed at me and yelled: "This is not my daughter at all. You can't give birth to a baby, so you adopted it in the neighboring village. You can't even give birth to a child." , what do I want you to do?"

That year, when I was only five years old, he yelled out in front of so many people regardless of whether the truth would hurt my young heart.

I cried and hugged him, calling him dad, but he pushed me away fiercely, with a look of disgust on his face: "Who is your dad now?"

Every time, when I think back to this scene, I feel that he is so cruel. Even if I am not his biological daughter, I have called him Dad for several years. How could he treat me like this?

My mother took me home crying. Everyone knows that my mother was abandoned by my father. She said a few false words of comfort in the open, and said something ugly behind her back. I met him several times in secret.

The bad kids in the village also began to bully me. When my mother showed up, they scattered and wrote doggerel to scold me and my mother.In such a situation, my mother decided to send me back to my own mother in order to protect me.

However, she lied to me that she was going on a long trip and asked me to stay at my mother's house for a few days, and then pick me up in a few days.In fact, after she planned to send me back, she would leave here and never come back.

I was sent back by her and saw my own mother and father.

My own mother looks so fierce, the first time I saw her, I was afraid of her.And my father's facial features are correct, but there is a cowardly breath in his bones. When I went, he was being reprimanded by my mother, and he bowed his head and admitted his mistake.

My own mother was a little surprised when she saw my mother bring me in front of her. After listening to my mother explain her purpose, she said that she had something to do and I had no place to put it. Let me stay for a few days.At first my own mother strongly opposed it, but when my mother gave her some money, she immediately changed her mind and agreed.

That night, I was beaten by my own mother because I ate the egg custard they cooked for my brother at the dinner table.My brother is one year younger than me, and they gave me to my mother just to give birth to him.And I accidentally ate the egg custard that only he can eat, he cried and beat me, I naturally wouldn't let him beat me, I pushed him, he sat down on the ground, crying , rolling all over the floor.My own mother picked up the chopsticks and beat me, making me roll all over the floor. When my brother was helped up by my grandmother, he laughed happily.

Everyone is coaxing him, no one pays attention to me.

That night, I slept in the room where they kept the sundries. A discarded wooden door panel was considered my bed, and the blanket covering my body was so torn that it couldn't even cover my body.In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a squeaking mouse. When I opened my eyes, I met its eyes. That guy's eyes were so bright in the night, and it was actually sniffing my nose.I screamed in fright, and it also ran away, and my screaming aroused my mother's dissatisfaction, she yelled, and if you yell again, I will throw you out.

I cried sadly, was afraid, and missed my mother. I sat huddled in a corner, seeing shadowy projections of things in the dark night, and I was so scared that I didn't sleep all night.When it was dawn, I fell asleep unknowingly, but I felt that I was woken up as soon as I squinted my eyes.

When eating breakfast, grandma cooked noodles, but when it was served to me, she realized that she didn't have my share, and she didn't want to rekindle the fire, so she told me, just drink some noodle soup and forget it.The noodle soup was weaker than my mother's shabu-shabu.

After eating the so-called breakfast, my grandma brought out a large basin of clothes to wash, seeing me sitting on the side, let me wash together.She asked me to take one side of the thick clothes, and she took the other side, and twisted them standing opposite each other. I was twisted so that my steps were unsteady, and I fell into the laundry tub in front of me.I'm only five years old, it's useless for her to scold me.

I continued to do things for her with wet clothes.Let me light a fire for her, I don't know how to use that old clay stove, it's useless for her to continue to scold me.

When it was time for lunch, my mother came back, and my grandma began to tell her how useless I was, so my mother refused to let me eat at the table, and asked me to sit on the table with the leftovers. Eat on the threshold.The rice was hard, I swallowed my tears and ate it, because I was hungry, I drank a little noodle soup in the morning, I was really hungry.

After eating, I started to have a stomachache in the afternoon, my legs were weak, and I collapsed in the utility room.No one cared about me, let alone take me to see a doctor.Half asleep and half awake, I heard my own father and my own mother say: "This child is so young, don't worry about it, after all, he is our own child."

My own mother yelled at him: "You know what, treat her well, what should I do if she always wants to come? Send her out, and I don't want her to have anything to do with our family. From now on, whenever that woman has something to do, she will come to us." By the way, what if one day she lingers here and refuses to leave? I just want to punish her so that she doesn't dare to stay here anymore, do you understand me?"

Hearing this, I cried: "I want to go home, I want my mother."

My mother was very happy, and immediately said to my father: "Send her there quickly, and say that she wants to go back because of her own arrogance."

I was like this, my mother forced my father to send me back.I sat on the rail of his old bike, at an age when I didn't know how to swear, and I swear, I'll never go back to that house.

When I was sent back to my mother by my own father, my mother was preparing to leave with my luggage.

I cried and threw myself at her, crying until she softened, crying until she said: "Okay, Mom will take you away."

My mother and I moved to the city and lived in the factory dormitory.It was Granny Wang in the village, who entrusted a relative who was an official in the city to find work for my mother. She thought my mother was pitiful, so she wanted to help her.

In order to thank the factory manager for "accepting", my mother came to the factory manager's house with a gift, thanked him a thousand times, and said thank him for letting her work as a female worker in the factory.

The factory manager said with a smile, just come and play, what should I buy?While talking, he took the things and greeted my mother to go in.

He complimented me on how pretty I was, and my mom bought me a beautiful new dress and had my hair braided before she took me to his house.

As soon as I sat down on the sofa, the door was pushed open by a little boy.

The little boy ran in with a water gun and rushed to fill the pool with water.The factory manager's wife rushed to the pool, snatched the water gun, and gave the boy a "snap", and then heard her yelling at the boy: "I soaked my clothes again, how many clothes did you change today? "

The little boy opened his mouth and cried out with a "wow".

When his mother pulled his arm and pulled him out, he kept nagging: "Look at your soaked appearance, you still cry to me! If you cry again, I will throw this thing away for you .”

The boy cried very sadly.The factory manager frowned and said, "Chenchen, you are six and a half years old, are you still crying? Look at this little sister looking at you, are you ugly? Are you still crying at this age?" Surprised, seeing me, he said "uh", stopped crying, pulled his mother's clothes, hid behind her, and peeked at me.

"Look, he's still embarrassed."

The adults all laughed, laughed loudly, and didn't know what they were laughing at, but because of these laughs, he cried again with a "wow".

Honey, this is the first time I met Su Chen. He is half a year older than me, and you are in the same month and day, but different years.

And the meeting between me and you must be an arrangement of fate, because, I miss him, I entered the QQ number representing his birthday number combination, but I didn’t want to, I entered the wrong year and found you who is four years older than me.

Is this fate or coincidence?I take it as a coincidence, but also as a fate.

Me and Su Chen, I still can't figure out the relationship between us.

I still remember that on the day when I registered for primary school, my mother couldn't ask for leave for work, so his mother took me to go with him.When we came back from school, his mother bought us a popsicle. I even remember that I took the orange flavor, and he took the white one. It was the "old popsicle" we eat now. It was cheap back then. It's only fifteen cents.

I took a bite on his popsicle and he took a bite on mine.I ate slowly, and the popsicle water dripped down the popsicle stick, onto my fingers, onto my wrist, and onto my new dress.

Su Chen said to me: "Sister Xiao Di, the popsicle has melted."

I held the popsicle and licked and sucked, but the popsicle water still dripped everywhere.

He yelled: "The sleeves are all dripping on the sleeves."

When I wanted to roll up my sleeves, Su Chen bit the popsicle in his hand and freed up his hands to roll up my sleeves for me.

Honey, I don't remember what happened when I was three, and I don't remember what happened when I was four.I only remember the painful memory of being tortured by my biological parents when I was five years old. When I was six years old, I met Su Chen. I remember every detail of when he helped me roll up my sleeves.

I still remember that the sun was very hot at that time, and his face was reflected as beautifully as a villain in a movie.I can also clearly see the little fluff on his face.

Mom asked me to call him brother.His parents told him in front of him that this is his younger sister and they will take care of her in the future.

He was the first person who said he liked me and it was the beginning of my nightmare.

When we were in the second grade, the teacher asked us to keep a diary.She told us that the diary should be honest. There were many words in my diary that I couldn’t write, and I used a lot of pinyin. I wrote: "Brother Chenchen said he liked me, and kissed me like a TV show. He also said that he would marry me. I said, I'm not going to marry you, and he said, then keep kissing me until I promise."

My diary was stolen by a little classmate who came to my house to do homework.

The next day, they took this diary and secretly passed it around in class. When they saw me coming in, they started booing.

I don't know what's going on, I just look at them ignorantly.At this moment, Su Chen came in, and they brought the diary in front of Su Chen, and said to Su Chen, "Su Chen, you read in Zhu Xiaodi's diary that you liked her and even kissed her. Isn't that right? ?”

He snatched the diary, tore off the page, tore it to shreds, and then threw the diary at me and said to me: "You are too shameless! Can you make a draft before lying?"

I argued: "I didn't lie, I didn't!"

Su Chen pushed me to the ground, kicked me, and said, "Besides, I'll beat you."

That's how I became a shameless person, and that's how I started to be hated by others.

The three words "shameless" accompanied me through primary school.

The psychological shadow that this incident caused me has never been shaken off.

For an unlovable person, everything he does is wrong. If you cry, people will say you are a fake, but if you laugh, people will say that you are a shameless person, and you can still laugh.You are nice to your classmates, people say you are pleasing others, you don’t want to talk to others anymore, others try to punish you, break your things, and mix sand in the water you drink.Even the teacher finds you annoying, because why do others keep targeting you?
At that time, as soon as I opened my eyes, I thought, going to school every day to face these things is really a scary thing.

And I dare not tell my mother all this, because Su Chen begged me to keep it a secret.

It was Chinese New Year, my mother took me to Su Chen's house to pay New Year's greetings, the adults played cards, and Su Chen and I watched TV in the room.

I was far away from him, but he moved closer and whispered, "I don't want to bully you, but if I don't bully you, they will laugh at me."

He said, "If you hadn't spoken about that, I certainly wouldn't have done this to you."

He said: "Xiao Di, I really like you. When I grow up, I will definitely marry you."

He was the first person to kiss me, and also the first boy to say that I was pretty and cute.My first kiss was him. I didn't even know it was my first kiss. I only knew that he hugged me and kissed me. No one has ever done such a thing to me. The first kiss was taken away by him so unexpectedly.

He also told me, sister Xiaodi, don't tell mom and dad, otherwise, my dad will beat me.

I was afraid he would be beaten, and I dared not tell anyone.

I have a habit of covering the wound when I get hurt, as if it is an unforgivable thing for others to see.

It turned out that I never understood why I had this habit. Later, when I chatted with my mother, my mother said that when I was young, I was very disobedient and wouldn't let me run. I insisted on running. After I fell down, she helped me up and asked Where does it hurt, I point to the wound and tell her.Instead of comforting me, she slapped me down and asked me loudly if I dare not listen to her next time, and boasted that I have been very obedient since then.

After listening to this, I suddenly had a very vivid image, as if I saw myself about three years old, fell down, was picked up by my mother, pointed to the wound and said that the fall was painful, she slapped it down, I cried so much Heartbroken.

That image miraculously became more and more vivid, and the fragments of my memory became more and more clear, unbelievably clear.

I finally knew where my heart knot came from.It is because of this that I have created a character that forbears cowardice and suffering and dare not speak out.

She thought she had tamed me, that she was obedient, that it was an honorable and great thing to teach her daughter to be obedient.But she didn't know that what I learned from her "pain on top of pain" was that if I was injured, I couldn't tell my mother, she would not comfort me, and would sprinkle salt on the wound.

I kept it a secret for Su Chen, it was my childishness.I didn't tell my mother, she forced me not to believe her.

At that time, I thought, if I have a child, I will definitely not hurt him, and I will definitely tell him that in this world, you are not allowed to have secrets with anyone except your mother and you.Don't be afraid if others say "If you dare to tell mom, I will kill you and your whole family", because mom is not afraid of him and will definitely protect you.

You have to protect your child, and you have to convince your child that before he grows up, he is not allowed to have secrets with anyone other than his mother, no matter how close he is.The instigator who asked me to keep the secret is not also an acquaintance?Isn't it also Su Chen who I keep calling my brother?

I am a victim of this "secret" and I am also a victim of my mom's ignorant parenting.I can't forgive my childishness, but I forgive my mother's ignorance, because she has never studied, never raised a child, she is not happy, and she is also a very poor person.I can be filial to her and be with her, but I don't completely believe it, because the illusion she gave me made me believe that when I was hurt, she would not comfort me or help me solve it, and would only make me more painful .

I dare not tell my mother my secret, I feel that if I tell her, she will not do anything for me.Because she always said, Xiao Di, we can have a place to stay here, thanks to Su Chen's father, they have helped us a lot, without them, we would have to go back to our hometown.

I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back, but staying here is so painful.

I mentioned transferring schools, and my mother frowned and asked me why I had to transfer schools.I said, I don't get along well with my classmates.

My mother asked me back, why everyone else gets along well, but you don't?What is the reason?Why don't you find your own reasons?
Based on the way my mother asked questions, my subconscious mind told me that I was being bullied, and my mother would not help me or care about me.I don't want to tell her anymore, the way she accuses people is so scary.

One day, after the parent-teacher meeting, my mother came back and asked me to stand in the middle of the room with a dark face, asking me like a prisoner: "What's the matter with you? You don't do well in school, and you don't get along well with your classmates. It's only one semester." , your desk was scattered twice, and I lost money twice."

I said with tears: "Mom, it's not me, I didn't break the desk!"

"Who broke that?"

"I have no idea!"

She picked up the broom and called me. I screamed and cried and hid, while she was calling, she said, "You don't listen carefully in class, you are in a daze, and you don't have a good relationship with your classmates..."

As she spoke, she pulled my ears, dragged me out of the door, and made me kneel in the street where people were coming and going.She made me think clearly, let me understand why others are targeting me but not others, let me think about why my grades are not good, and why I don’t listen carefully in class.

My self-esteem was torn to pieces by the eyes of people coming and going on the street.The thing that shattered my self-esteem even more was that most of the children onlookers were students from our school. When I lowered my head and wept, I heard some children gathered around to watch the excitement.They were mocking and laughing.

The aunt on the street ran over and grabbed me. She wanted to pull me up, and she said while pulling me: "What is this for? What is this for?"

She lifted me up, and I bent my legs and refused to stand.I cried and looked at my mother who was not far away from me. She wouldn't let me stand up, and I would never stand up because I was "obedient".

The street aunt is nearly sixty years old, she can't afford to hug me, and she is sweating profusely from my torment.She yelled at my mother: "What are you doing, you? Do you teach children like this? You let her kneel here, how do you tell her to go to school, how to meet people? Do you know what is counterproductive? She's a girl!"

She said to me again: "Xiao Di, quickly admit your mistake to your mother, go into the room with your mother and tell your mother, kneeling here is not a problem!"

Countless times in my dreams, I would dream of a poor little girl with disheveled hair, crying and kneeling on the street with people coming and going, crying convulsively, pitifully begging for mercy, and saying in a hoarse and aggrieved voice : "Mom, I was wrong, Mom, I will never do it again!"

I always dreamed that I walked over and hugged her tightly, interrupted her crying, and yelled at her, don't make mistakes, it's not your fault, please don't make mistakes.When I woke up, I cried so much that my pillow was wet.

I don't hate my mother, because she has a bad life, she wants to argue with me, but I let her down, I am sorry for her, and I add to her hardships, making her even more unhappy.It's my fault, it's because I shouldn't write what Su Chen did and said to me in the diary, I shouldn't let my classmates take it secretly, I shouldn't foolishly argue that I didn't lie, let Su Chen treat me like that, let Become a shameless person by yourself and add so much trouble to my mother.

Her moodiness and ignorant education made me suffer, but I don't blame her, but let me understand one thing: if there is no decent man in a family, most of their children will have Psychological defects, which are especially obvious in girls.

If her man hadn't done anything to abandon her cruelly, she wouldn't have been so moody, and wouldn't have turned me into such a tolerant and insecure child.

The world hates the mistress who seduces a married man and a child, because it is this innocent and innocent child that she has harmed.I am a victim of misfortune, I don't blame my mother, she is so pitiful.

I can't resist, I have to learn to get used to it.

really get used to it.If they bully me, just bully me, if they step on my table dirty, I just wipe it clean, if I dirty my beautiful clothes, I just wear old ones, if I don’t like my cuteness and beauty, I just don’t let my mother dress up.

I'm really not likable, the problem is, you ask them what's wrong with me, and they don't remember why.The unified caliber is that I am cheap and I am shameless, but how can I be shameless? They are just following others, trying to have more people, following the crowd, seeing others bullying me, so they bully me, and make up the number of people.

I have never hurt anyone, but I am used to being hurt by others. My life is a joke, but I can't find a funny point.

I am in junior high school, and my junior high school classmates just break up my elementary school classmates and divide them into different classes.Su Chen and I have separated and are no longer in the same class.

When I was walking on the school road, I clearly heard a girl standing behind me discussing: "It's just this girl? She said that Su Chen in our class likes her? Su Chen is so handsome, how is it possible?"

In the second year of junior high school, Su Chen had already rushed to 1.8 meters four. Compared with those lively, cheerful and colorfully dressed girls, I was inconspicuous, introverted and weird to the extreme.

The shadow of "shameless" is still with me, and it has become a notoriety that I can't wash off for the rest of my life.

Classmates in junior high school are no longer as mischievous as in elementary school, pushing and shoving, they will beat you and laugh, and the surrounding people will applaud while eating melon seeds.

I was forced by them to the top of the building covered with snow. I exhaled whitely and told you not to come over. If you want to come over, I would jump off.

They said, "Damn it, you still dare to run after chasing you? You dare to scare us by jumping off a building? You jump, jump if you have the ability!"

I stood on the roof, slipped my foot, and sat on the ground...

I really want to jump off, jump off regardless of anything.And accidentally slipped and fell, I grabbed the cold handrail, my back was cold, and my brain suddenly became bigger.

They beat me, but I didn't cry, and they slapped me, but I didn't cry. At that moment, I sat on the snow-covered ground and burst into tears.I cried and begged them to let me go, please let me go.

They came closer, and the leader slapped me across the face.

"You dance! You dance, why don't you dance? Beg us to let you go? Kneel down and beg us, and we will let you go if you knock your head one by one."

I really want to jump, but if I do, what will my mother do?Although I am so timid and cowardly, it is her only belief in living in this world.Every time she was too worn down by life, she would tell me that Mom must endure, and must endure for you, because of you, Mom has survived until now.

I can't die.

My mother is the only person in this world who treats me well. Although she sometimes goes to extremes and does things that hurt me, she loves me in her heart.I even thought in those few seconds that if I died, she would cry like she was dying, and if I died, she would be so pitiful that she would have no one to die.I can't die so selfishly, I can't.

So, I knelt down, I only had one thought, as long as I live, I am willing to do anything.I bent down and kowtowed to them one by one.

I beg them to spare me!
I took my life back, and when I got home, I told my mother that I didn't want to study anymore.

My mother beat me, she said I didn't live up to it, she said I didn't know how tired she was to raise me, she said that after she was laid off, in order to pay my tuition fees, she worked as a nanny for others, and also worked for others in the hospital nurse.

She said that if she knew that I was so unbelievable, she shouldn't have raised me in the first place. She said why her life was so hard, she said, she might as well die.She began to cry like Mrs. Xianglin again.

In the past, no matter how badly I cried outside the door, I would definitely wipe away my tears before entering the door.

But this time was different. Facing her accusations and scolding, I finally couldn't bear it and ran out.After running a long way, I lay on the railroad tracks in the suburbs.

I do not want to live!Being tired is also a drag on others.

There was a lot of snow in the sky, and my neck was pillowed on the cold rails, which was cold enough to make people lose consciousness.When the train was approaching from a distance, the ice and iron on the pillow under the head vibrated like this, rumbled and shook, making my head ache. However, I think that at that time, I smiled peacefully, as peacefully as if I had died .

But suddenly, I thought of Su Chen, when the train was getting closer, and even the whistle sounded, I thought of Su Chen.

I can't die, I'm only 14, I don't want to die.I haven't tasted true love yet, I don't know what it's like to be pampered by the one I love, I don't want to die like this, I'm not reconciled.

After all, I was still afraid of death, and I was still struggling to get up from above.As the train rumbled past me, I burst into tears, and in the rumbling, I cried and shouted: I don't want to die, I don't want to die like this, I haven't been pampered, I haven't been truly loved , I'm only 14 years old.

I'm back again, alive.

I want to grow up quickly and repay my mother's kindness in nurturing, so I survived.Even if she is disappointed in me, always loses her temper with me, and hurts me with harsh words, I don't blame her, she is my mother, a better mother than my own mother, even if she dies, I will support her until she dies , I will follow.In high school, I was accepted to a school far from home, I was far away from them, from the past, and I had a feeling that I could finally breathe.

As long as it is a girl, a little bit of beauty will be liked by boys, and I am no exception. There are also people who show affection, and some people are ambiguous.I was looking forward to someone coming in, but I found that the psychological legacy Su Chen gave me was too heavy-I was actually afraid of boys approaching me, I was afraid of others showing favor to me, and I actually felt that being liked by others was a very important thing. terrible thing.

The experience in elementary and junior high school made me not like to communicate with others, and I developed an insurmountable interpersonal phobia in high school.I don't want to do this either, but I can't help it.

After high school, I stopped studying. Because I failed the exam, I repeated it at home. I had plenty of time, so I would read some novels to pass the time.

I think I can also write. After I finished writing, I submitted it to the editor. The editor said that the story is too thin, but your writing is good, concise, delicate, and quite profound.He asked me if I was interested in writing a screenplay.He sent me a sample script and introduced me to one of his screenwriting friends.

That's how I got down to writing screenplays.

From the very beginning, I sold myself, not my body, but my name to be a shooter.

That way, the money comes faster.Although it can't be compared with a screenwriter who earns at least 3000 yuan for writing an episode, [-] yuan for writing an episode is enough for me.

At that time, housing prices were still very low, and in our undeveloped area, a house could be settled for about [-] yuan.I took a lot of scripts here and there and saved up money. The first thing I did was to buy a house so that I could finally have a home in this city.Although the location is very remote, but gradually, after the supporting facilities are installed, it can be considered prosperous.

This writing has been going on for several years, and I have made money, but I am still a shooter.

It’s been many years since I wrote it, and it’s time to solve my life-long event. Girls of the same age are all married and have children, so my mother is naturally anxious.

I thought of Su Chen, not because I loved her so deeply, but because I couldn't forget her.There is no way to forget, he is like a virus, as long as I come into contact with boys, I will think of him.This is a poison, a virus, a poison that spreads into the blood of the heart and dies.

I know his QQ number, and when I went to the website, I saw the QQ he left on the message board.I added him, but never chatted with him.One day he asked me who I was and why didn't he talk.

I still ignore it.

He said, if you ignore me again, I will blacklist you.

I just said, I don’t know who you are, I just added it casually, because the first few digits of my friend’s QQ are exactly the same as yours, so I changed the mantissa to see who that person would be.

He oh, and said, so ah.

He only has one signature, saying that there is only one kind of bird in the world, which is born without feet, flies and flies in the wind, and dies when it lands.

In his space, there are photo stickers of him kissing his girlfriend.

I watched it, and the more my heart ached, the more I wanted to watch it, and I saved it on my computer by "save as".

One day, Su Chen couldn't help asking me, why are you called "Dizi", do you like playing flute very much?
I said, the name Dizi comes from "The Pied Piper" by Hamelin.

He asked, what are you talking about?
I said, the story tells that 800 years ago, a small city in Germany was plagued by rats, and the whole city was helpless, so they had no choice but to abandon the city and flee.At this time, the Pied Piper appeared, and he said that he could get rid of the mice, but he had to charge a fee.The residents of the small town said that as long as they can drive away the rats, they can pay him fifty times as much.The piper took out his flute and played a soft tune, and all the mice ran out from under the bed in the ditch, the cabinet, and followed the piper.The piper went to the river and continued to play the flute. The mice jumped into the river one after another, and they were all washed away by the river.The residents were very happy, but when the piper asked for payment, the residents said they had no money to pay and drove the piper away.That night, in the middle of the night, the sound of the flute suddenly sounded in the air in the small town, and the children of every family ran from their homes to the road, followed the flute player, and finally disappeared into the mountains.This is a story about promises and broken promises.Keep your promises, or you will be punished, and if you can't, don't promise to others.I am the flute, and I am waiting for my piper.

Su Chen said "Oh" calmly, I don't know if he understood, I am waiting for the person who promised me to fulfill his promise to me.

However, one day, he suddenly said, are you free?I'm not in a good mood, do you mind talking?
After chatting for a while, he said he wanted to see me.I said, we are far apart, and he said, I am using the coral version, which can show your location.I was hesitating, and he turned on the voice to talk to me and said hello.

His voice came in directly through the earplugs, and my ears accepted his voice, as if it was a world away, and it hurt like a heart.The weather in June, but I shivered from the cold, I said hello, hello.He finally confirmed that I was a woman, he wanted to see my photo, I sent him someone else's, he said he wanted to see me, I hesitated for a long time, and finally made a call.I left his cell phone number and he left mine.

The man over there said, well, you just give the number, but what about your name?
I put down the phone, hung my tear-stained hands on the keyboard, and after suffering for a long time, I told him that my surname is Shang and my name is Shang Xin.

That was my first time doing makeup and my first time shopping for a decent dress.These years, I have been shutting down at home all year round to make money, and I have made money, but I am too mean to myself.

When we arrived at the meeting place, by the river, he stood with his back to me. I patted him lightly from behind, and he turned his head, his eyes full of disbelief and amazement.

I looked up at him, and I said, I'm sorry, the flute is me, I lied to you.

He sighed: "I have a feeling that it's you, I didn't expect...it's really you."

I didn't wear such high-heeled shoes, so I leaned forward, and he quickly supported me.

Following his support, I fell into his arms.

This is the first time I have been so proactive, and it is also the first time I feel that contact with men is not a disgusting thing.

I want him to hug me, and I want to hug him too.The reason why I agreed to see him was because I wanted to see him, and because I felt sorry for him, because I knew he was in a bad mood because he just broke up with his girlfriend.

how could I know?Didn't I move away long ago?

Yes, but my mother worked part-time in a clothing store not far from her original residence.When she met Su Chen's mother, Su Chen's mother told him that her son couldn't talk well with several girlfriends, and she didn't know what he was thinking.Said that the more he searched, the more slanderous he became, and he had no money or background.

She said she absolutely disagreed with her son being with such a woman.His current girlfriend has no father and no official job, and her son has a formal establishment in the telecommunications bureau, no matter what she does, it is impossible for her to let such a girl into their home.He brought his girlfriend back to meet his parents, but she ignored him and came out with a bowl.

She also said, let him talk, since his salary is stuck in her hands anyway, and if he finds something she doesn't like, he won't get a penny.

I want to see him because I know that he has no emotional window, and I think that his emotional promise to me can be fulfilled.I feel that I can make money by myself now. Although I am a gunman, it is still a decent job. I should be qualified to marry him.

So, I want to meet him, the first time I want to get close to a man, this man is him.

When I hugged Su Chen, I still felt that this was God's compensation for me, and it was my destiny.Meeting him that night made me feel like I was on a date with a boyfriend. I didn't hate him touching me at all. I was so normal and small in front of him.

That day, we were sitting on a stone chair by the river, and I was in his arms, just like that, neither of us spoke.He just hugged me like this, and I felt so warm, and felt that the hard days I couldn't wait for were coming to an end.

I couldn't help asking him, do you miss me?

He said, think, think a little bit.I said, I am really at a disadvantage, because I really miss you.He lifted me out of his arms, looked at me, just looked at me, and told me I looked better than ever.

He suddenly asked me: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

My heart hurts, but I still smiled and asked him, what do you think?

He said, there must be.

I said no.All these years, I have always been alone.

He doesn't believe it, I want to laugh, look, even he doesn't believe it, who will believe me?

I don't know what's wrong with him, and suddenly said: "Life is like a dream, my first kiss and first love are not the same person as my first night."

I started a fire out of nowhere, first kiss and first love are not the same person?His first kiss was given to me, and I was not even his first love in his heart.His first night is gone, and when I was murdered by his legacy, he had long forgotten the promise he made to me. When I was thinking about it painfully, he had first love and first night with another woman.

Is it just me?He took me in but didn't take me out, am I the only one lost in this ridiculous game, waiting foolishly?
I'm in so much pain!My heart is about to burst with pain.I want to cry, but I don't want him to see my tears, I don't think he deserves it.I pushed him away, got up and left, I want to forget him, I don't want him anymore, he is a scum, a villain, a liar who said he wanted to marry me but failed me, I don't like him anymore.

However, when I went to meet the blind date someone arranged for me, no matter how rich or handsome I was, I couldn't let others touch me.

I sadly found that, except for Su Chen, I don't want any man to touch me, I hate others to touch me, I even screamed, don't touch me.How pathetic it is for me to suffer from such "male phobia".

But in front of him, I am different, I want to be hugged by him, I want to kiss him, I want him to care for me.He is the only person who makes me have this desire, why should I be so pathetic?Why do I still post it when I know he is not worthy of my liking?

After we parted last time, he didn't give me a call, didn't send me a text message, and he didn't even care about whether I left so late and got home safely.He despised me so much, and I was still trying to excuse him: he told me about his first kiss and first love, all because of relaxation of body and mind?Because, only when a person relaxes wholeheartedly and is not vigilant towards the other party, he can't help but say something about himself to the other party.

I even thought that it was my sensitivity and suspicion that hurt Su Chen.

This day is Su Chen's birthday, I sent him a text message, I said, happy birthday.

What Su Chen sent me was, Xiao Di, it's good to have you!
That text message actually made me cry with joy.I told myself, I don't mind, as long as he has me in his heart, it doesn't matter if he has my first love or not, because my first love and first night are still there, it doesn't matter if he is not, I am, that's enough.

I only now understand that if a man likes a woman, if he really likes it, and if he really wants to marry him, he can't wait to introduce her to his friends and bring her into his circle.

However, he didn't, which means that he didn't want to marry me at all.

Thinking back to this, I realized that he never liked me, let alone thought of marrying me.

I was tossed and lost in the fantasy he gave me, I couldn't save myself, he could, but he didn't want to.

Looking back, I realized that he was really cruel, and I was really pitiful, so pitiful that I wanted to beat myself to death.However, the demons are wanton, how can I save myself?

The "secret" between Su Chen and me is like a potential hypnosis for me.He brought me into the game, just like my hypnotist. I can only wake up after the bell rings. If the bell never rings, I may torture myself to death in this kind of hypnosis.People who are emotionally fragile and overly abundant are the most susceptible to hypnosis. I am the "win-win" person who is fragile and abundant.And this hypnosis is not a day, from my elementary school to the present, nearly 20 years, layer upon layer, how easy is it to unravel?
A few days later, my computer broke down, and there was a script I was writing there, and halfway through it, it suddenly blue screened.

I was so anxious that I didn't know what to do. I subconsciously picked up the phone. Except for the screenwriter brother who was far away in Beijing, the only contacts on it were my mother and Su Chen.

I sent him a text message to ask for help when I was in a hurry, can you repair the computer?
Su Chen said, what happened to your computer?
I said, it's broken, there are very important things inside, will you fix it?

Su Chen said, okay, let me take a look for you.

Su Chen really came, and that day, he knew what I was doing.

He said in surprise: "I really didn't expect you to be a screenwriter."

I smiled bitterly and said, "It's just a shooter. No one will know if he's exhausted. The spine seems to be deformed, and the bones are protruding. No one will know if he's dying of pain! If you don't believe me, touch it!" "

As I spoke, I took Su Chen's hand and touched her neck.I want him to touch me, only in front of him, I have this desire.I found out again that I was so pathetic that I let this man hurt me so badly that I didn't want any man to touch me except him.

We kissed.

Kissing and kissing, he pressed me to the ground, on my body, I bear his weight, but in the next second, I nervously pushed him away and sat up.I really didn't expect that his hand would touch my leg and move up.I was terrified, and he was also shocked. He didn't expect such a big reaction from me. I hugged myself, and he kept saying sorry to me.

I said, my first time, this is my first time, I am a little scared.

He looked at me in disbelief, then, taking a deep breath, calmed down, and said to me, I don't know, sorry.

I said, whatever you do to me, I forgive you.This sentence, from my heart, I have no way not to forgive him, he has cast a curse on me, and I have no way to escape.

He said, "Go on and I'll hurt you!"

I said: "You get hurt, I won't blame you. Because it's you, I can't bear to blame you."

He pulled me over, hugged me tightly, and said, "Xiao Di, why are you so stupid?"

I put my face on his shoulder and wanted to cry, but held back my tears. I put my arms around him and said, "I'm stupid because that person is you. Because it's you, I'm willing to be stupid for you. You do Whatever, I am willing to forgive you, because I like you and have never forgotten you. So, I will not blame you for what you do to me next. "

I couldn't see his expression, and I didn't know what he was thinking at all, I only heard him sigh in my ear.

The computer was not repaired that day, Su Chen said sorry.

I leaned into his arms and said, "It's okay, I'll go find someone else to fix it."

He just smiled: "Are you looking for an excuse to see me?"

I said, I didn't, I just... don't know who else to look for besides you.

I just echoed his words, but I couldn't hear the subtext, and then I felt stupid in retrospect.He misread my "isolation and helplessness" as "very scheming". In his cognition, he would never believe that I have never had contact with a man.

He was leaving and said he would call me in a few days.

I got up and sent him to the door. The moment I opened the door, he turned around and hugged me tightly.The hug was so tight, so tight that I couldn't bear to let go, so tight that I thought that he could finally give me happiness.

But I didn't know that at this time, he already had a girlfriend, and even talked about marriage, and the woman who was going to marry him was also called Xiao Di.

Why is the woman he wants to marry called Xiao Di, but this Xiao Di, why not me?It should be me!

I'm sorry, I thought I was calm, but I didn't expect it, and I still cried in a mess.

Because I thought I was so stupid, I believed that he would call me to ask me out, and waited for a long time foolishly.

I waited from morning to night, and finally I couldn't help calling him. He said that he worked overtime.

We met at KFC.

I don't like to eat those things, but I see that girls and boys who are in love will go there. It seems that if you don't go there, the relationship is not perfect.I was dating there, and there was a feeling of young people in love.

When I got there, he was already waiting for me at the door of KFC. Looking back on my happiness and excitement at that time, the sadness and sadness made me cry so hard that I couldn't breathe.He played with my feelings, and played with me so bitterly.

I went for the theme of love or marriage, and at this time, he already had a girlfriend who was going to get married.How could he treat me like this, how could he treat me so cruelly?
At that time, I laughed so silly, I looked at him foolishly, and kept giggling.

My heart is happy and joyful, and it is a sense of happiness that comes after all hardships.Because, I waited for so long, finally one day, I can date him in public.

After sitting for a while, his phone rang. He said that he had borrowed a motorcycle from his colleague in order to come to see me, and they were urging him to go back quickly and asked him for it.

I thought that the future would be long, so I said, you go.He looked guilty, I'm sorry, I was leaving just now.I followed him out of the store, and he insisted on taking me to the station.I listened to what he said, followed him to the side of his parked locomotive, he straddled it, and I sat down on the side of his back seat.

That was the first time I rode a motorbike. I wrapped my arms around him, pressed my head against him tightly, and the wind was blowing by my ears. It felt so romantic to raise my hair.

I feel so happy.

When we arrived at the station, he accompanied me to wait for the bus. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at him, very attached, and looked at him like honey.I feel so happy, so happy, because I finally got my love, and I waited so hard.

The car is coming, I want to get on, but he stops me, there are too many people, wait for another car.

I nodded.

His phone kept ringing, and he took it, saying, "Okay, okay, I'll be right over."

I looked at him, and he looked at me. When the car was approaching, he straddled the locomotive and stretched out his hand to me: "Come here, let me give you a hug."

I threw myself into his arms without hesitation, I felt extremely sweet.

He let go of me and watched me get into the car, where I waved goodbye to him through the glass window.I was so stupid, when I sat down, I was still smiling stupidly, from ear to ear.

In the last second, I was immersed in happiness and sweetness, looking forward to the future. When I got home, I was completely awakened by my mother's words.

She said: "Today I met Su Chen's mother again, and she said that Su Chen is engaged. This time, the other party is from the Railway Bureau, and the family environment is very good, and they are scheduled to get married at the end of the year. The Telecom Bureau and the Railway Bureau are really well matched. Woolen cloth."

I was stupid, utterly stupid.

My family is not well off, and I worked hard with my life, but in the end I was nothing more than a shady gunman. With this shady identity, I didn't even have the qualifications to be right in the family.

But, why did he not tell me that he was engaged, but still go on a date with me, and hug me when he separated from me?He obviously has a fiancée, why does he still treat me like this?
That night, I didn't cry, I really didn't cry, I just felt ashamed, and I no longer had any mood swings.

I'm dead!My emotions don't allow me to live like this, so I became a walking corpse.Without giving affection, I will no longer feel pain.

I no longer naively believed him, and there was even a sneer that I had never seen before on the corner of my lips.

One night, my mother came home from work and told me that Su Chen's mother came to the shop where she worked and asked if I had a boyfriend, and she wanted to introduce me.My mother thought, I am not young, I should get married, and of course I am happy to be introduced.Asked her what the man does, she said: "My colleague's nephew works as a security guard in the community and earns about a thousand yuan a month. Yes, Xiao Di is not young now, your family’s conditions are like this, when you pick someone else, someone else picks you too, now men are more realistic than women, you have no family background, and you don’t have a decent job, which serious family Would you like a man like me? It’s not bad!” She also said to my mother: “I don’t want to talk about other people, it’s not because I know everything. I watched Xiaodi grow up. Such a beautiful girl, Of course I want to find a good one for her."

My mother asked: "I believe your vision, but how old is that young man?"

"Not too old, only 13 years older than Xiao Di."

"Already 39? But my Dizi is only 26."

"It hurts to be bigger."

"It's too big and penetrating."

"But your Dizi is already 26."

"26 She is also a big girl in her 20s, she has never even been in love."

Su Chen's mother smiled: "Don't tell me, auntie, when young people fall in love nowadays, how can they tell us adults? Maybe this kid has talked about it and didn't tell you."

"Impossible. Dizi is always at home and refuses to contact outsiders. How can there be a chance to fall in love?"

"Then does she go online?"

"Go on."

"That's right, maybe it's online dating, and online dating is also love. Besides, the man's duty, old husband and young wife, love others."

"Then he is so old, why doesn't he have a companion?"

"People are still surprised that your girl is 26, but she hasn't had a boyfriend yet. Isn't this a fate that hasn't arrived yet? When fate arrives, don't the two just get together?"

"Even if you don't care about your age, but he's in the country, so far away, I don't want Xiao Di to marry him."

Su Chen's mother smiled so much that her eyes narrowed: "I said auntie, I know you don't want to part with Xiao Di. That child is planning to settle here, and if he and your Xiao Di are married, this account will be transferred. Xiao Di doesn't have to marry so far away."

My mother listened and felt something was wrong: "You mean, let him marry Xiaodi, and then, the account will be registered with us?"

Su Chen's mother said: "It's good, it won't save you from thinking about Xiaodi and running so far."

"Then..." my mother said again, "If he and Xiao Di are married, where will they live after they get married?"

Su Chen's mother smiled and said, "Just live where you live."

My mother didn't know that I bought the house we lived in. She always thought that I rented the place we lived in, so she couldn't help but said, "Xiao Di rented this house."

Su Chen's mother said: "Renting one room is also renting, and renting two rooms is also renting. Anyway, your house is rented for a long time, so let's live together and make out."

My mother relayed this to me, and I wanted to sneer and say to my mother: "You didn't let her go, didn't you scold her out?"

My mother said: "Anyway, I was introduced to you. You go and see it. If you like it or not, it can be regarded as an explanation to him. No matter what, he has helped us."

"Mom!" I was angry, "Explain? Explain what? What do I need to explain to her? Just because their family helped us? What did they help us?"

"They call themselves benefactors, they just nodded and asked you to be a female worker. What else did they do? They gave you wages, which were earned by you working hard overtime and being three people alone. If you really want to be so kind, Let you be laid off, when our family was in such a difficult situation, did they give our family a little help? I can't go to college, and I don't want to miss it. You scold me, but have you ever thought about why I don't miss college? Have you ever thought that in high school, my grades were not bad at all, but why did I fail the college entrance examination? That is because I knew that my family had no money for me to go to college, and I can no longer drag you down. No matter how important college is, it is not as important as my mother , I don’t want my mother to earn my tuition and save money until she collapses on the side of the road with no one to help her. I don’t want to be famous, I just want my mother to live well, and I don’t want her to be exhausted by me , let alone the day when I want to honor her, I don't even have this opportunity."

"I found a way to survive, finally found a place to live, and finally didn't have to look at other people's faces, but you are crazy. You actually let your daughter meet such a man just to give others an explanation? How bad am I? Why, let you be so disappointed in me? That woman treats me like this, you should reject her on the spot, but you still talk to her, let her spoil me like this, spoil me like this, and you still want me Go see that man! Why don't you scold me when someone treats me like this? Why don't you shout a few words, telling you what do you think of my daughter? If you shout a few words, I will feel better, but why do you want to do this Huh? How short of a man am I, that’s why I’m looking for someone like that? With your attitude, let alone Su Chen’s mother, even if I have a suitable man around me, I won’t introduce it to your daughter, because your daughter has such a Mom, no one wants to share your in-laws with you. When others say this about me, you don't say a word for me, you don't protect me, why should people cherish me? "

"Mom, you haven't understood that you have lived to this extent. People are always elevated by others and trampled by others. Do you want to live so cowardly, or live so uselessly, let me pay for your incompetence what?"

I sent all my anger to my mother. What I said made her extremely sad, and I cried all night.

My mother is soft-hearted, and she is also stubborn. Growing up in the village, her inherent thinking is to stick to one end. Therefore, in these years, she never thought of going to find someone.

For a woman living at this level, everyone thinks that it is normal for her to be unsatisfactory in everything, but if one day her daughter finds a good man and makes her proud, that would be abnormal.

In those few days, my mother was very sad. I cooked a lot of dishes on her birthday, and when she came back, I sent her the real estate certificate of the new household.

I apologized to her and I asked her to forgive me.Because she is a very poor person. In this world, I only have her, and she only has me. We are dependent on each other.

She was amazed, it would never have occurred to her that the house was our own.I still have some savings, but I didn't tell her, because she is attached to her natal family, and as long as she has, she will give it all to her natal family.The cousin of the natal family, the cousin of the cousin and nephew asked her to borrow money, and she borrowed it.

I pay her a sum of money every month. I originally asked her to buy good food and good clothes. However, she saved it all, and as soon as she asked, she borrowed it all.I saw it several times, and I didn't see it. I really don't know how many times. Moreover, when the money was lent out, people never took it back.When those relatives came to our house, they took everything they liked.My mother gave it all away without even asking me.

I really have nothing to do with my mother, but the grace of nurturing is greater than the sky, and I can't blame her.So, I didn't tell my mother about my income, because I was afraid that I didn't earn enough for her to give away.

But this time, it was my mother's birthday, and I hurt her heart by saying such exaggerated words. When the sound of her crying in the closed room reached my ears, I felt heartbroken and regretted.In order to express my sincerity and regret, I transferred the ownership of the house to her, and she was naturally very happy.

I never expected that my mother would be pulled into a pyramid scheme.She is always taken to attend lectures in the middle of the night, and most of the money I give her every month is handed over to buy products.For fear that I would know, she also put the things she bought in other people's homes.

Their MLM organization just keeps spending money to buy products, and then pulls acquaintances in.

I transferred the house to her, and she was happy, so she told her upline that her daughter was filial and capable, and the upline brainwashed her to mortgage the real estate certificate to the bank for a loan.After that, she gave all the money to her upline to buy some business medals.

For the sake of performance, my mother also wanted to attract acquaintances in. As soon as everyone saw her, they knew what she was here for, so when they saw her, they closed the door and refused to see visitors.

My mother’s things couldn’t be sold, and the interest on the loan kept pouring in. She borrowed money everywhere, trying to repay the interest without telling me, but in the end she still couldn’t pay it.The person who asked for money came to her door, and I used all my money to pay off her debt, but I will not return the house.What my mother gave her online was cash, and she didn't even have written evidence. If she wanted to file a lawsuit, she couldn't get any evidence. What's more tragic, she ran away.

The interest is not up yet.

Even if I write scripts desperately, I can't write so much in a short time to make money and pay back.What's more, someone will give you money after you finish writing. You have to wait. If you are lucky, they can give you money when they receive the script. In Haoshi, people say that they don’t have money to make dramas, and they don’t even give you money. There are too many such things.

On the day when the deadline for the house was issued by the bank, my mother couldn't think about it and committed suicide by drinking dimethoate.

On the day she committed suicide, she said to me: "My daughter is so good and simple, and so beautiful, why can't she fall in love? If you don't want to go out and look for it, I will ask them to help me find it. Don't be too rich, as long as you can have enough food and clothing. , don’t starve you, don’t freeze you, just be the same age. Is this a high requirement? Why are they... why are they bullying people so much? My daughter is in her 20s, how can I introduce you to someone in her 40s who is divorced and has children? Men? They say that our family is a single parent, that you have no education, that our family has no conditions, and we can only find someone like that. But I am not reconciled, if my daughter is ugly, if she messes around outside, I will let it go, but, I My daughter is not ugly and good-looking, how can I find someone like that? It’s not our fault to be a single parent. I don’t have a degree. It’s because my daughter is sensible and gave up her studies to earn money to support the family. Our family has no conditions. It’s me who is useless as a mother. I I want to make money to find a good son-in-law for my daughter, but I was cheated. I'm sorry, Xiao Di, follow mom, you have suffered a lot, you didn't enjoy a day of happiness, and let mom make you miserable. "

I cried, heartbroken.However, I smiled again: "It's okay." I said: "Just spend the money to pay the tuition. If the money is gone, I can still earn. I am still young, so I can write. This page is ugly. Let's put this Turn over the page, it’s okay, mom, it’s really okay. Don’t be sad, if the house is gone, it will be gone. Just buy it later. Now we will rent it first. I just made an appointment with an agent to look at the house. After looking good, We'll pack up and move over."

The house price went up like crazy, and so did the rent. I finally settled on a single room, and the price was acceptable, but the landlord insisted on annual payment, so I had no choice but to use all the money I had to pay the full year’s rent.

When I signed the rental contract and came home, my mother had already drunk dimethoate.

The room smelled of potion, and my mother was foaming at the mouth.

I called an ambulance, and while waiting for the ambulance, I cried and asked her, why did she do this, why did she abandon me?
She was still breathing and conscious, but she couldn't speak, her body was drenched in sweat, and her face was terribly black.

At this time, I was already penniless and on the verge of death, but even so, I didn't think about going to Su Chen.

I called my mother's former relatives, and they either said they had no money, or that there was no bank in the village, and they couldn't transfer money if they wanted to.

And I don't know anyone, and I don't have anyone to look for. On my QQ, apart from the editor who introduced me to be a screenwriter, the screenwriter who brought me into the industry, and then Su Chen and you.

The QQ of the editor teacher is a work account, and he will not go online until he goes to work.I didn't leave their phone numbers for these people, because everyone communicates on QQ.

Some strangers added me, and I didn't chat with them, but in a hurry, I sent QQ messages one by one, hoping that they could help me, lend me some money, and I will pay back the money for emergency and life-saving.

However, no one paid attention to me, and some people replied to me: "Oh, your mother is going to die? Good thing, early death and early reincarnation! Want to lie to me? There is no door, you go to die, liar!"

Only you call me back, only you ask me to give you the phone number, wondering what happened.

I once asked you, why do you want to help me, you said, I feel that if I have someone to rely on, I will definitely not look for you, not to mention, this is related to a human life.

I also asked you, aren't you afraid that I lied to you?
You said, that's why I asked you for your mobile phone number, where you are, and which hospital you are in. Kindness does not mean low IQ.

I asked again, what if you and I are not in the same city?

You said that you can entrust local friends to implement it.

You see, there are such kind-hearted people as you in the world.

When I was so desperate that I couldn't see the light, you appeared in my sight like the sun.

I looked at you with red and swollen eyes from crying, you came up from the stairs, looked at me, then walked up to me and asked me if I was a flute, I was too shocked to say a word.

I really can't believe that you're actually here.

And when my mother saw you when she was looking back, she actually took my hand and handed it to you.She actually handed over her worried daughter to you before she died.

The first time I saw you, my heart felt like it stopped beating for a second.I seem to have seen you somewhere, I really seem to have seen you there, but I just can't remember.

You help me, you settle me down, and the things you think are trivial are enough to make me grateful for a lifetime.

In your company, everyone gossips about you, and I suddenly know why I have a strong sense of familiarity with you, because there is actually one person in this world who is as stupid as me.We all foolishly set up a situation for ourselves, cocooned ourselves, and refused to come out, but we were extremely lonely in our hearts, from the loneliness deep in our hearts.The first time I saw you, the first time I looked into your eyes, I read from there the same thing as my own heart, even looking at myself.

I finally understand why I felt so familiar when I saw you for the first time.

I have a heart-wrenching feeling for you, just like a young girl in love.I have written so many scripts, but I finally realized what is called "deer heartbeat" in myself.

I want to see you every day, as long as I see you, I am very happy, this kind of happiness has never been obtained from Su Chen.When I see you, I can feel my heart beating fiercely, as if seeing you makes up for the liking and secret love that I never experienced in my teenage years.

I want to see you, just want to see you.Knowing that you come very early every day, I also come very early, just to see you earlier.However, I never dared to tell you, nor dared to look into your eyes, I only liked you silently in my heart.

At noon when I worked in your company for a month, the accountant called and told me to go to the financial office to get my salary card. I passed by your office, and I saw you lying on the sofa with no cover on through the hidden door.I couldn't help but walked in, put the coat you put aside on your body, I looked at you, just looked at, the first time I was so close to you, looked at your face, and thought you were sleeping , as quiet as the male version of Sleeping Beauty in a fairy tale.

I just looked at you like that, absent-mindedly, completely unaware that Accountant Qian was standing behind me.She snorted coldly and scared me half to death. When I stood up, I covered my chest. Seeing it was her, I felt ashamed.

She took my hand, pulled me out, and interrogated me like a hostess: "What do you want?"

I said, I just passed by here and saw you sleeping on the sofa without a cover, in case you would catch a cold, so...

Before I finished speaking, Accountant Qian interrupted me with a sneer: "You are enough, you, with your little thoughts, do you think who doesn't know? Don't you just use repaying kindness as an excuse to stay by his side?" Is it? You are worthy of his idea? Your mother died only a month ago, and you are so filial to other men. "

I was out of breath, but smiled instead: "Whoever I like is my freedom. You can decide whether you deserve it or not. I know better than you whether to be filial to my mother, so you don't need to worry about me here."

Later, it was those little tricks that women use against women. Anyway, I will avoid her in the future, and I have no intersection at work, so it is safe.However, I didn't dare to look at you with that kind of eyes again, because I have self-knowledge.

I don't need to rely on you because of my poor background. I work very hard and I am worthy of your salary. This is the best reward for you. Don't think about the rest. No matter how much you think about it, it is just fantasy and unrealistic .

The day Su Chen came to our store to order services, I didn't want to see him, so I walked away from the side door from a distance, with an unhappy face.When you bumped into me, you put your hand on my forehead and asked me if I was uncomfortable.

What seems random to you has disturbed my heart.

I said I was fine, walked away quickly, and hid in the corner, feeling my heart beating violently.

Once upon a time, when I saw Su Chen, I didn't feel this way. I thought, I really like you.

However, you can't like me.I force myself to forget you, the best way is to leave you.However, I always thought that I would leave after finishing this month, but it was delayed until next month.Every time I tell myself, I will leave next month, but in the blink of an eye, it is next month again.

Well, that's an excuse, an excuse for my hesitation and self-exculpation.After getting rid of Su Chen in my closed heart, I knew the feeling of liking someone for the first time, and I was reluctant to leave.

On the day of Su Chen's wedding, something happened to the makeup master's house, and he asked me to replace her, so I went.

As a makeup artist, I was doing makeup for his bride at his wedding. I thought I would be calm, and I was really calm, but my hands were shaking.

After you found out, you were worried about me, and you came to comfort me because you were afraid that I would be overwhelmed.I didn't expect that you would get emotional and get yourself drunk.

That night, when I sent you back home, when you were drunk and hugged me, I struggled a little and didn't want to let go.

In this complex mood, including gratitude, distress, and love for you, there is also a sense of selfishness.Because your hug is very warm, no one has ever hugged me like this, I am greedy for this warmth, even though you call someone else's name in my ear.

I think, it is impossible for me to meet such a love in this life, and it is impossible for someone to love me so passionately.

I want to comfort you and pity myself.

I want to be a thief, secretly stealing from you a love that belongs to others.I know that I am despicable, and I know that I am shameless, I should struggle, I should not know that you love others, call other people's names, and commit yourself to you.

However, I believe that I can keep it a secret, just like I promised Su Chen back then, as long as I want, I can bring these two secrets into the coffin.And you are drunk, then maybe you will think this is a beautiful dream.

It's just being cheap, anyway, isn't that what other people scold?Doing such a heartless thing, so you will look down on me, and now in retrospect, I even look down on myself.You were half sober, and when you found me under you, you became angry from embarrassment, you called me cheap, you called me disgusting.

I have the intention of dying, but I think, I must pay off the money I owe you before I die, I broke your vow, I can't afford it, but the medical expenses and funeral expenses you paid for my mother, I must return it to you.I owe you so much and this is the only thing I can give you back.

I have no face to see you, so I have to leave, far away.

After more than a month, I found out that I still have one thing to return to you.

It must be that the heavens pity you and think that you should not be the last child, so I let me conceive a baby for you and pay it back to you as a debt.

I want to raise him alone, and I also think about the hardships in the future, but I think, no matter how hard it is, I can bear it, because this is also a gift you gave me.It was the first time in my life that I received such a valuable gift, and he was alive.

I can live on my last breath again.

When I was pregnant with him, I couldn't accept scripts, because writing scripts required brain power and staying up late.The high-intensity drafting made me run out of energy and blood. Several times when I squatted down with things and got up again, I fainted on the ground. I was afraid that this kind of thing would happen to me again, and my physique would cause me to miscarry.

But fortunately, the screenwriter teacher told me that the manuscript fee for my last play will be sent to me in a month or two.

After some calculations, I sublet the rented house and moved to a place far away from you.In order to make ends meet, I still found a temporary job. When my manuscript fee comes over, it should be enough to last until the child is born. At that time, I can continue to accept dramas and continue to write, and my livelihood can be maintained.

It's just that I didn't expect to meet you by accident when I was so far away from you.

You say you want a child, but you don't want me.

I didn't refuse, this is what I owe you.Please don't appear in front of me when I am pregnant with him, because I am afraid that if you treat me well because you care about the child, it will make me greedy and painful, and I don't want to leave you.

I'm afraid of pestering you, I'm afraid I'll die badly, I'm still afraid.

However, I have a little bit of greed in my heart, I am greedy for you to like me a little bit, because of this child, I can't help but come to see me, I will be in contact with each other for a long time, let me stay be with you.My baby's fetal position is not correct. When I do reset exercises and during my birth checkup, I really miss you by my side, and I am really scared.

However, you didn't appear in front of me until I gave birth to him, which made me guess that you hated me to the core, and I didn't dare to have too many fantasies.

When I gave birth to him, I chose to give birth naturally, because the baby nurse said that natural delivery will make the baby's body and immunity better.I labored hard to carry him for over nine months, not being able to watch him grow, and the last thing I could do for him was to give him as much health as I could.

However, I couldn't give birth, I couldn't give birth no matter what, not only did I fail to give birth, but I was still exerting force, causing him to lie in the body in an abnormal fetal position.

The baby's due date is one week later, and I have early labor pains, which should be stimulated.When she was waiting to give birth in the hospital, the mother-to-be in the same ward and the bed next door had many people come to visit her, including family members, classmates, and both parents...

And her husband, who stays with her every day after get off work, washes her face, wipes her body, feeds her, sits beside her bed, pats her to sleep, sticks it on her stomach, and listens to the baby's movement , and talk to the baby.When he was close to his wife's belly, his wife stroked his hair.

That scene was so warm, so warm that I was deeply stimulated.

And my baby... until then, I haven't seen you, let alone been touched by you.

The father-to-be in the next bed was overjoyed to touch the mother-to-be's belly, while my baby was kicking uneasily in his stomach.I can only comfort him with my hands and tell him, baby, right away... you can come out, and when you come out, you can see Dad, don't be sad, he will be able to hug you soon.

After saying this, I started to feel pain.

The pain caused the sweat to drip down my forehead. I was scared, and even panicked. The confinement wife was not around, and the expectant father next door came to help me ring the bed bell.

As soon as he rang the bell, his wife shouted: "Old... husband, I... I seem to be giving birth too." He hurried to his wife's side.

I was sweating profusely from the pain, and I struggled to open my eyes. Sweat slipped in and hurt my eyes.However, I still saw that mother-to-be was in pain, surrounded by many caring people.They rang the bed bell anxiously, and they reassured her to take a deep breath and not to be afraid.

I was lying alone in bed with no one around me.The louder she cried, the pain and fear, the more pain and desolation I felt.

I am also in pain, I am also afraid, and I also want someone to accompany me, even if it is only one person, tell me not to be afraid.She can cry out in pain, but I don’t know who to call when I’m in pain. I also want to cry out in pain, but I don’t know who will feel a little bit of heartache for me when I cry out.

I couldn't control my tears anymore. When I was helped onto the mobile bed by the medical staff and pushed into the delivery room, the mother-to-be was lying on another mobile bed and followed me in.

I followed the method the doctor taught me, and when I was giving birth, I heard her husband who accompanied the delivery say in her ear, wife, come on, you are the best, I love you.That voice came from over there, and I just broke down and cried out of breath.Because my child's dad doesn't love me at all, you even hate me.

When I was 14 years old, I tried my best to survive, but I was unwilling to be loved by others.Now, no one loves me, and even hurt my children.

People like me shouldn’t live in this world at all. I should have jumped off the stairs recklessly at the age of 14, or lay on the rails and been run over by a train to death.

Thinking of how you hate me, I couldn't stop crying in the delivery room, and I couldn't cry enough to give birth.

In the cubicle, the father-to-be was still saying to his wife, "Baby, I love you, I love you." The word "love" pierced my heart like the tip of a knife. I don't even know what that is.

I cried bitterly, and the midwife said anxiously, the baby was lying in the stomach, and a caesarean section was necessary, otherwise it would be impossible to keep it.

I pulled the doctor, I cried and begged her to protect the child, I must protect the child.You are so infatuated and so stupid, you want to stick to a woman for the rest of your life, if this child is gone, what will you do if you want to live alone all your life?The family is full of children and grandchildren, you are old and weak, and you don’t even have anyone who is willing to accompany you, what should you do?
You are another me in this world, only I understand your pain and suffering while waiting.I don't regret my death, because no one will shed a tear for me, but you can't.

My humble vitality flourished like weeds, I stopped crying, and only had one belief, that is, to give birth to the child, even if it took my life, I would give birth to him.

The doctor found the confinement wife who was pretending to be my mother and signed it, gave me anesthesia, and performed a caesarean section.As soon as the needle went down, I fell asleep.When I woke up, my poor life was alive again.

Our mother and child are safe, I finally saw you.You won't understand my sorrow and joy when I see you.I really miss you, but when you came in, you ran to the baby and hugged the baby without even looking at me.

I am uncomfortable, but I am very sober. I am just a failure in your life. The child is yours, but I am only the subject of this transaction.I was already mentally prepared for you to come and take him away, but you said "thank you" to me at that time, defeating all my self-control.Also, you couldn't help but kissed me on the face, I couldn't believe it, this is the expression you showed me when you hated me so much that you gritted your teeth.

Later I realized that this doesn't mean anything, so that after so many things happened, you tortured me so much that my heart trembled.

Until today, when you suddenly changed your mind and said that you want to marry me, I feel that I have been suffering for too long and have hallucinations?However, the marriage certificate is real, our group photo is real, and the ring on my hand is also real. I can feel the pain when I pinch myself.So, I'm not dreaming.

So, I want to thank you, mom and fate, for letting me meet you.

I decided to tell you my secret, because in this world, you are the only one who makes me trust so much.

I know that you don't love me, and I also know that there are many human factors in this marriage, so I printed out the divorce agreement and signed it in two copies. When you want to end, you can end it at any time.I don't want anything, you and the baby are happy for a lifetime, that is my biggest wish.

I love you and baby, my love is self-abuse and humble, but I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

So, I finally ask you, if one day, you want to end this loveless marriage with me, you will be lying to me when I can't help asking you silly questions like "have you ever loved me", Also answer that you loved.

Thank you.

Xiao Di
While reading the letter, Chen Ning's eyes turned red several times. When he finally read it and closed his computer, he tore up the divorce agreement in duplicate on the table.Coming out of the study, came to the room, lay down beside her, stretched out his arms to hold her, saw her eyelashes trembling a few times, and her eyes slowly opened, he kissed her between the brows, whispered : "I finished reading it, and my heart hurts. But I will not divorce you. After I married you, I never thought about divorce."

He secretly made up his mind to live a good life with Xiao Di, this determination was extremely firm, but, Qian Juan was confidently planning a cheating drama, how could it end like this?

(End of this chapter)