Life is but a thought: Nan Huaijin's 15 Life Wisdom Lessons

Chapter 21
"Let go? Then I will fall?"

Since it can't be done, the only way to survive has been proven impossible.If you hang like this all the time, you will definitely have to wait for death. The only way is to jump down—although you may not be alive, you may not be dead. Maybe you can follow the mountain to ease the force of falling. .Or if there is another tree blocking you in the middle of the fall, then the momentum can be reduced again, and the chance of survival is still very high.Maybe you can still catch the stone, maybe not, maybe you will really die, but there is still a big possibility, that is, maybe you won't die.

In real life, many people will encounter the same situation as this poor woodcutter, neither advancing nor retreating, striving nor giving up.At this time, instead of being caught in the middle and feeling uncomfortable, it is better to give up the energy of support, let go quickly, and put all your energy into a fight.

In modern society, competition is getting fiercer and this situation can happen at any time.So at this time, how should we deal with it?One way is to accept the unchangeable reality of what has happened, and proceed from this reality before considering otherwise.Instead of thinking about how to change this reality, or thinking about how to go back to the past because of unwillingness.Doing this will not really go back to the past as you wish, and will waste your precious time. Instead of doing this, it is better to accept the reality of failure, accumulate strength, wait for the opportunity, and make a comeback.

Don't complain about the injustice of the sky, and don't complain about the ups and downs of fate. Many successful people, such as Hawking with muscular atrophy, Helen Keller who was blind since childhood, and Deng Yaping who was congenitally short of height, the reason why they can achieve outstanding results is that Not because God favors them so much, but because they have the courage to accept things that cannot be changed.

In the face of cold winter, many people will imagine warm spring to comfort themselves. This is understandable, but if we indulge in it, these assumptions will become the shackles of our hearts, let us learn to escape, and dare not face the truth.We must learn to dare to accept the truth and not compete with anything in the past, so that we have the energy to "reform" our unsatisfactory destiny.

Demanding is a double-edged sword
Instead of demanding perfection and constant torment, it is better to let your heart become more open-minded. You must know that there are many things that we can't change, and we can only follow its track.What we can do is to correct our mentality and try to have as few regrets as possible.

The Buddha once said: "The flowers are not fully bloomed, and the moon is not yet full. Once things are perfect, they will become incomplete."

In life, there will always be shortcomings.Just imagine, if there are no regrets in life, wouldn't life lack a lot of rich color and charm.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "The Analects of Confucius: Be modest and studious according to one's ability": "As a person and doing things, whether they meet the moral standards, we only ask whether they are in line with the righteous way, and do not demand the degree of success in doing things."

For thousands of years, people have tirelessly pursued beauty, hoped that everything about food, clothing, housing, and transportation would become better, that the relationship between people would become better, and that people's spiritual life would also become better... in Inspired by more and more "better", society has undergone earth-shaking changes.To some extent, it is the continuous improvement of human beings' demands on themselves, which promotes the continuous progress of society.However, everything in the world has two sides. When this kind of requirement becomes demanding and becomes the pursuit of perfection, it may also become a sharp weapon to hurt people.

In a nursing home, a group of young volunteers came to visit the elderly on Saturday afternoon as usual.When they come on weekends, they often see new members joining the nursing home, so they have an unwritten rule that they should pay more attention to those newcomers, chat with them more, and understand their lives.

This time was no exception. Their arrival was unanimously welcomed by the old people, and everyone spent a very happy afternoon together.After the group activity, a volunteer walked up to a newcomer and sat down.He found that although the old man looked embarrassed, he had a pair of piercing eyes, and he was always observing the people around him carefully and intently.From the conversation with the old man, the volunteers learned that the old man came from far away and had traveled to many places. Now that he was tired from walking, he stopped here and wanted to spend his old age in peace.

The volunteer asked curiously: "Old man, what about your family? You have been away for so many years, why don't you go home and share with your family?"

The old man looked sad and said: "I have no family anymore. Since my father passed away, as the only child in the family, I have only myself. Once, when I was your age, I also yearned for beautiful love , I hope to find a perfect woman, marry and have children with her, and spend the rest of my life together. In order to find such a woman, I left home, traveled mountains and rivers, and walked through one city after another, one village after another, alas..."

"How long have you been looking for it? When did you give up?" the volunteer asked.

"I've been looking for it for almost 60 years!"

"Haven't you found the perfect woman in your mind for so long? Is there no such thing as a perfect woman in this world?"

"I met a perfect woman 30 years ago. She was considerate, gentle and considerate, kind and upright, and also humorous. She was like a fairy descending from the earth..." The old man's words suddenly became very gentle.

"Then why don't you marry her?"

The old man said sadly: "The moment I met her, I knew it was her. So, I proposed to her immediately, but she refused to marry me."

"Why? Why?" the volunteer asked anxiously.

"Because, because she is also looking for the most perfect man!"

Reality will always have shortcomings: Eileen Chang talks about thorny shad, unscented begonias and unfinished "Dream of Red Mansions"; the broken arm of the Greek statue Venus; even the four beauties in ancient China have their own shortcomings, Xi Shi's feet are big, Wang Zhaojun's shoulders are flat, Diao Chan's earlobes are too small, Yang Guifei suffers from body odor.There is no pure jade in the world, and there is no perfect person. When we exhaust our efforts to find perfection, it is actually tantamount to "fishing for the moon in the water" and "picking flowers in the mirror".

Since we live in an imperfect "whirling world", there is no need to demand perfection, otherwise we are asking for trouble.Often feel dissatisfied with yourself or others, habitually critical of yourself and everything around you; always check things repeatedly, such as power supply, doors and windows, property, letters, etc., as if you have obsessive-compulsive disorder; someone interrupts you to concentrate When you do things, you feel very uncomfortable... If these symptoms are present, it means that you are demanding yourself and others.

Demanding perfection is a kind of psychological cleanliness. Working and living in such a state of mind, the happiness index can be imagined not to be very high.Everyone has an impulse to pursue perfection in his heart, and this impulse will prompt him to take action and constantly move towards perfection.But at the same time, it must also be clearly realized that we can only get as close to perfection as possible.

David Burns said: "Perfection is the ultimate human fantasy and has no existence in the universe." The more you strive for perfection, the more you will be disappointed.If you look at things with a very critical eye, everything can be improved—every person, every idea, every painting, every experience, everything.So, if you are a perfectionist, you are a failure no matter what you do.

Instead of demanding perfection and constant torment, it is better to let your heart become more open-minded. You must know that there are many things that we can't change, and we can only follow its track.What we can do is to correct our mentality and try to have as few regrets as possible.

Life is limited, don't worry about small things

40% of human troubles are for small daily things, 20% are unfounded worries, 12% are fabricated in the heart, and do not exist at all; the remaining 18% are fait accompli facts, no matter how much you worry about troubles, you will never will do anything.

Mr. Nan Huaijin once said that the most proud disciple of Confucius was Yan Hui, and he praised Yan Hui's character cultivation and personality charm more than once.In Confucius' view, Yan Hui has been steadily seeking the principles of life and doing things, not to blame others, and not to make the same mistakes.Such people are too rare!In life, there are only a handful of people who know how to "control anger" like Yan Hui and don't get entangled in certain things.

(End of this chapter)