Life is but a thought: Nan Huaijin's 15 Life Wisdom Lessons

Chapter 26 Falling in Love Well, Getting Married Slowly (1)
Abandon the concept of family status
In love, we must abandon the concept of family status, and don't miss true love because of this artificial classification.Even the "well-matched family" has to be given a new meaning, and the "old bottle" of the well-matched family is used to contain the "new wine" of the trend of mate selection in the new era.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "The Analects of Confucius: Confucian Selection of Son-in-Law": "Confucius's behavior is definitely not to choose a man with wealth, power or degree, and then marry his daughter to him."

In ancient times, people had a strong concept of family status, and "the right family" was the primary consideration. It happened from time to time that different classes were not allowed to marry.It is precisely because of this concept of family status that tragedies occurred, such as the well-known story of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai.

During the Eastern Jin Dynasty, there was a daughter named Zhu Yingtai in Zhujiazhuang Village, Shangyu County, Zhejiang Province.Yingtai is beautiful and intelligent.When she was very young, she studied poetry and prose with her elder brother. Because she admired the talents of the ancients, she hoped to visit famous teachers in Hangzhou to study.However, Zhu Yuanwai disagreed with her request, thinking what a girl looks like in public.Seeing that her father refused to agree, Yingtai would not let her go.In the end, they reached an agreement, that is - they can go to school, but they must disguise themselves as men.

In this way, Zhu Yingtai disguised herself as a man and went to Hangzhou to study.On the way, she met Liang Shanbo, a scholar who was also going to study in Hangzhou. The two hit it off and had a happy chat. They gathered earth for incense on the Caoqiao Pavilion and married Jinlan.After entering Wansong Academy, the two studied together and were inseparable. They have been classmates for three years, and they have a deep relationship, just like brothers.

During these three years, Zhu Yingtai was attracted by the loyal and kind-hearted Liang Shanbo, and fell in love with him, but Liang Shanbo never knew that Yingtai was a woman, and he only cared for Yingtai in many ways because of his brotherhood.

Seeing that three years had passed, Zhu Yuanwai and his wife urged Yingtai to go home.In desperation, Zhu Yingtai had no choice but to hastily prepare to return to her hometown. Liang Shanbo thought of his brotherhood and sent him off at eighteen li.On the way, Zhu Yingtai kept borrowing things to imply her identity as a woman and her feelings for him, but Liang Shanbo was simple and honest by nature, so he didn't think of Yingtai's meaning at all.In desperation, Zhu Yingtai could only lie that there was a younger sister Jiumei in her family, who was similar in appearance and character to herself, and wanted to be a matchmaker for Liang Shanbo and betrothed Jiumei to him.

But Liang Shanbo's family was poor, so he couldn't come to propose marriage according to the agreed time.It was not until Liang Shanbo arrived at Zhujiazhuang that he realized that Zhu Yingtai was a daughter. In addition, the Liang family had no wealth and power, so Zhu's father didn't take him seriously at all, and forced Zhu Yingtai to marry the prefect's son Ma Literary talent.

The two looked at each other with tears in their eyes, bid farewell desolately, and made an oath: "You can't share the same quilt in life, you have to share the same acupuncture point in death!"

After Liang Shanbo returned to his hometown, he became ill from depression and died of a serious illness.When Yingtai heard the sad news of Liang Shanbo's death, she shed tears of blood and vowed to die with her own body.When Zhu Yingtai was forced to marry, she made a detour to pay homage to Liang Shanbo's tomb, wrote her name on Liang Shanbo's tombstone, and cried bitterly.Under her strong sense of mourning, the sky was suddenly filled with rain, thunder and lightning, and the tomb burst open. Seeing this, Yingtai jumped into the tomb.

After a while, two butterflies fluttered out of the grave and slowly flew away in the sunlight.

The story of Liang Zhu was sung for future generations, which aroused infinite sympathy.In ancient times, such tragedies caused by the concept of family status were not rare.Not to mention in ancient times, even in the present, there are still some stubborn elders who follow the "good family" and believe that only when two people have the same life background can they have the same hobbies and topics to talk about.Even some of the current TV dramas are talking about "wrong family and family". The most popular one is the marriage of "Phoenix Man" and "Peacock Girl". On a deeper level, the concept of family status is still at work, making the contradiction irreconcilable.

Buddha said that all living beings are equal.In the eyes of the Buddha, all men are brothers, and all women are sisters. There is no distinction between high and low, and there is no difference in the concept of family status.Only by abandoning the shackles of the concept of family status can one truly obtain happiness.If you are forced to separate or voluntarily give up your lover because of different family backgrounds, then this will become a permanent regret, even pain.

In fact, the process of falling in love is a process of natural selection, which has a selection mechanism and an elimination mechanism.In the context of the new era, a rational marriage should be based on the premise that both parties have feelings, so as to maintain the relationship between the two parties.Around us, there is no shortage of those who are well-matched in love, but the result is not as people expected, and they will eventually choose to separate due to various problems.

It starts with the mutual attraction of feelings, and during the long journey of marriage, it is maintained with mutual sense of responsibility and responsibility, so that such a marriage can last forever.In life, we see that the material conditions are very rich, but there are not a few couples who are as indifferent as strangers. Therefore, the "good family pair" in the new era has been given a new meaning, which is more reflected in living habits and interests. Diluted the shackles of class.

In short, in love, we must abandon the concept of family status, and don't miss true love because of this artificial classification.Even "the right family" must be given a new meaning, and the "old bottle" of the right family should be used to contain the "new wine" of the trend of mate selection in the new era.For example, a person's family background does not determine the level of a person's dream; a person's appearance does not determine what she wants to pursue.In short, we should not narrowly understand the right match, so as not to fall into the reality of hitting the wrong target.

Fidelity is the best guarantee of a happy marriage

Love is beautiful, it brings us spiritual pleasure.But once we enter into marriage, we must abide by the spirit of the contract and be loyal to each other.

Mr. Nan Huaijin wrote in "Talking about Fate": "Love is basically I love you! Love or not love, it is up to me, whether it is a man or a woman, I love you, I love you; if I don't love you, I will I don’t love you.” Love is beautiful, it brings us spiritual pleasure.But once we enter into marriage, we must abide by the spirit of the contract and be loyal to each other.

In recent years, with the increasing material desire and the temptation of the colorful world, people's loyalty has been tested.Just like Jiang Peng's marriage, she was once a happy woman, but unfortunately...

Wang Fei is an authentic Beijing girl who graduated from the French Department of a well-known university.After graduation, he went abroad for further study for several years.On the one hand, it is because she is in a foreign country, and on the other hand, it is because her parents let her go back to her hometown to develop because she is old.In this way, Wang Fei gave up her job abroad and chose to live in Beijing.

Soon after returning, 31-year-old Wang Fei met Jiang Peng, a man two years younger than her, through the introduction of her relatives.After getting along for half a year, they entered marriage.

Newlyweds have endless sweetness.Unexpectedly, three months later, Wang Fei discovered that something was wrong with Jiang Peng.Inadvertently, Wang Fei checked his mobile phone, only to find that his ex-girlfriend came back and asked him to meet.

However, it didn't take long for Jiang Peng to return to his original appearance.Wang Fei didn't think too much about it either, she thought that their meeting might be purely reminiscing about old times, they could be friends even if they couldn't be lovers.

This year's National Day holiday, Wang Fei and Jiang Peng made an appointment to travel abroad.But one week before the departure, Jiang Peng said that the company organized a trip to Italy and could not ask for leave. He also said that a contract had to be signed there, and it was inconvenient to bring family members.In desperation, Wang Fei had to cancel the ticket.

Soon, the holiday was over, and the bored Wang Fei stayed at home for a week.She wanted to give Jiang Peng a surprise, packed up and went to the airport.Unexpectedly, she welcomed Jiang Peng and another girl. The girl was tall and wearing exquisite makeup.The two were laughing, the girl held his arm, and kept a certain distance until they realized Wang Fei's existence.

Jiang Peng smiled awkwardly and said, "This is my colleague, Xiaomei."

"Hello, sister-in-law." Xiaomei greeted generously, and then said, "Then I'll go first, see you at the company." After saying that, she left.Faced with this scene, Wang Fei couldn't say a word.

After returning home, Wang Fei asked, "Who is that?"

"My colleague! Didn't I introduce it?" Jiang Peng seemed a little impatient.

Wang Fei sneered, and asked back, "Colleague? Can that be done between colleagues?"

"What do you want?"

"What do I want? I should ask you this!" Under Wang Fei's questioning, Jiang Peng had to admit his extramarital affair with his female colleague.Wang Fei, who had always been loyal and pure in love, couldn't stand it all of a sudden, and collapsed to the ground.

"Divorce!" After a long time, she said these words.

"Whatever you want!" Jiang Peng slammed the door and left.The more Wang Fei thought about it, the angrier she became. After waiting for so long, she thought she had met her true son, but she did not expect to meet such a man.

Dilingling...a phone call came, it was Jiang Peng's call!After Wang Fei picked it up, there was no sound, and a delicate female voice came from the phone: "Honey, I'll wait for you at the old place, come quickly!"

"Who are you?" Wang Fei asked.

The other party was taken aback, and asked back, "Who are you? I'm his girlfriend!"

Wang Fei sneered and smashed the phone into pieces.

First ex-girlfriend, then female colleague, and now girlfriend again, Wang Fei yelled "Ah", and then smashed their wedding photos...

What will happen to Wang Fei in the end?Maybe she will choose to divorce and stay away from this man; maybe she can't think about it for a while and do some stupid things... No matter what, the ending of the story all stems from the husband's infidelity.Since two people entered into marriage out of love, why not cherish it?
In ancient and modern China and abroad, there are many tragedies caused by betrayal of marriage.During the ten years of the Trojan War, although people admired Paris’s love and Helen’s beauty, and lamented Agamemnon’s ambition, in the final analysis, the lives of so many Greek soldiers were lost because of the unfaithful extramarital affairs between Paris and Helen. .The little-known Lewinsky incident also caused the private life of former US President Clinton to be hyped up by the media, which brought unprecedented pain to Hillary.

When holding the shield of "open concept" and doing something unfaithful to the marriage, do they still remember the promise they made when they got married?Husband and wife should respect each other and be loyal to each other. Only in this way can a happy karma continue.If you don't respect marriage and are not loyal to marriage, it is tantamount to hurting yourself while hurting others. Whether it is economically or emotionally, this is the result of not worth the candle.In short, no matter what degree of social development, people who are loyal to marriage are more likely to be respected.

give each other some personal space

The meaning of staying together for a long time is not to bind each other with soft love, but to let him fly freely with love.You know, love needs free space.

Mr. Nan Huaijin wrote in "The Analects of Confucius: A Model of Famous Ministers": "A husband and wife should always maintain the attitude when they are in love-respect each other as guests, and the relationship must be good." This sentence breaks through the way of getting along with husband and wife.Respect each other as guests, that is, respect each other as friends.Going deeper, it is to give each other a certain amount of space.

In life, most people think that as long as two people are together, they are one. Whatever you do, I will follow.Wherever you go, I will be a little tail.In short, there is no secret between two people, it is transparent.In fact, this way of getting along will only make people nervous, or even suffocate.You think, who would like to live in 360-degree surveillance without dead ends all day long?

Not long ago, Zhen Zhen broke up with her boyfriend.The breakup was brought up by her boyfriend, who really couldn't bear Zhen Zhen's constant phone calls and text messages.As long as there is no call or message returned for more than 1 minute, the calls will come one after another.

On weekends, Zhen Zhen wants her boyfriend to stay with her. If someone else wants to ask him, she will answer the phone and refuse for him.If you really can't refuse, Zhen Zhen will follow him.Slowly, the boyfriend gained the title of "strict wife management".

One day, Zhen Zhen called her boyfriend who was in a meeting, but the boyfriend hung up, because the leader was talking about some details at the time, and the boyfriend thought about calling back later.Unexpectedly, Zhen Zhen's endless phone calls affected the meeting.Helpless, her boyfriend had no choice but to walk out of the meeting room and got angry with Zhen Zhen for the first time.

Zhen Zhen on the other end of the phone was taken aback for a moment, and then said aggrievedly that she didn't answer the call, fearing that something might happen to him.

"Let's break up." The boyfriend said, then hung up the phone and went back to the meeting room.After the meeting, the leader criticized him.

The boyfriend in a depressed mood walked home on foot.As soon as she entered the community, Zhen Zhen waited there for a long time.Seeing her boyfriend came back, Zhen Zhen immediately burst into tears, which made her boyfriend very embarrassed, and after talking for a long time, she finally persuaded her to go home.

The boyfriend was silent for a long time, and finally broke up with her. It was inappropriate for the two of them to be together, and they felt that they were about to suffocate.Zhen Zhen never imagined that these words came from her boyfriend.

Zhen Zhen doesn't remember how she got out of his house, she just remembers that she has no strength in her body.In the following days, Zhen Zhen still couldn't accept this reality.

One day, Zhen Zhen was relaxing in other cities. She sat on a chair in the yard in front of the church, thinking wildly.I don't know when, an old gentleman came beside me.He took out a small paper bag from his pocket and started feeding the pigeons.Soon, hundreds of pigeons flew over.He turned to greet Zhen Zhen and asked her if she liked pigeons.

Zhen Zhen shrugged and said, "I don't particularly like it, but it's just average."

He smiled and told Zhen Zhen: "You know what? When I was young, there was a man in the village who kept pigeons. That man was very proud of owning pigeons. I feel very strange, in my opinion, if he really If you like pigeons, you should let them fly. So I asked him. But he said to me: "If you don't put the pigeons in the cage, they may fly away and leave me. I will feel very sad." .’ Later, I asked him: ‘How can you love pigeons but keep them in cages and stop them from wanting to fly?’”

Zhen Zhen raised her head and asked, "Then what did he say?"

"He was silent. I don't know what he did in the end, but I think that seeing my beloved pigeon happy and free makes me feel happy too."

Zhen Zhen muttered to herself, and said, "Yes, that's how a human being should be."

He nodded and continued, "Yeah! It's the same with people. If you can't give freedom to the person you love, then you don't really love him."

(End of this chapter)