Life is but a thought: Nan Huaijin's 15 Life Wisdom Lessons

Chapter 27 Falling in Love Well, Getting Married Slowly (2)
The meaning of staying together for a long time is not to bind each other with soft love, but to let him fly freely with love.You know, love needs free space.Fate cannot be forced, and forcing will lead to the end of fate.Mr. Nan Huaijin said that love is selfish, and there is some truth in this.When you say that love is for the other, isn't this action done for yourself?Because the other party will make you happy, so you love others, generally speaking, it comes from your own psychological demands, but isn't love selfless?When we do things for each other, we really don't ask for anything in return, as long as we do things for each other, we are very happy.

Some things in life are often reversed. The more you want to get his love, the more you want him not to be separated from you all the time, the more he will stay away from you and betray love.How far you want to pull him to the left, he will swing to the right.

We should give the people we love a little space to do what they want to do.It may seem to you that he uses his personal space to do some silly things, but to him, it is a kind of obsession.Both men and women need their own space.Only by respecting each other and keeping an appropriate distance can it be easier to be attracted to each other.

In short, as the two parties of marriage, please leave a little distance between each other. This distance not only includes the scale of space, but also the scale of soul.When that standard is violated, no matter how good a couple is, they will eventually fall apart.

Love is constant patience and maintenance
In the journey of life, it is not easy to meet a lover. It is no wonder that people in the world say, "If you cultivate for a hundred years, you can cross the same boat, and if you cultivate for a thousand years, you can sleep together."Since it is so rare, we should be more patient and maintain our love, tolerate our love so that it can last forever.

Mr. Nan Huaijin wrote in "The Analects of Confucius: Don't Ask the Common People, Ask the Ghosts and Gods": "Everything is fine if the relationship between two people is good." The plain words contain deeper meanings.

I once saw an experiment: after the lemon peel is fully soaked, its bitterness is dissolved in the tea, which will be a refreshing and sweet taste, but if you want to squeeze out all the fragrance of the lemon within 3 minutes, then only Will muddy the tea and mess things up.The same is true of life, and even more so of love. As long as you have enough tolerance and patience, everything will be different.The following story proves this truth.

Before they got married, everyone was not optimistic about them, because he and she had too many differences, different personalities, different growth environments, and different tempers.But they broke through all obstacles and came together.

After marriage, their differences became more and more obvious.His temper is very bad, and he will vent it if he is slightly dissatisfied.Naturally, she became his punching bag.Facing his bad temper, she didn't argue or make noise, but came to the kitchen silently, poured a glass of boiled water, held the water glass in her hand, and watched the boiling water in the glass curl up, she silently shed tears.

After 10 minutes, the boiling water was already cold. She brought the water to him and said, "Your mouth is dry, drink some water."

He didn't say anything, but drank the water in one gulp.At this time, his anger also disappeared.

When his anger dissipated, she said: "You are at fault for this matter, you should say it this way...do this...you have to write a review for me." Hearing what she said, he obediently wrote the review and let it go. in the drawer.

Not long after, he lost his temper again because of some trivial matters at work, and blamed her by the way.She still didn't say anything, walked to the kitchen silently, and poured him a glass of boiled water. Facing the steaming boiling water, she shed tears again.When the boiling water was cold, she still walked up to him and said, "Your mouth is dry, drink some water."

After he was emotionally stable, she patiently helped him enlighten, and then asked him to write a self-criticism, which he still obediently wrote.Maybe it's been a long time, and she has gotten used to his character.Sometimes, his noise made the neighbors feel uneasy, and even caused the neighbors to knock on the door.At this time, she will apologize for him.

One day, the aunt from the opposite door came to visit and asked curiously, "Why did you put up with him so humbly?"

She said: "Because I love him, I have to tolerate his shortcomings."

These words happened to be heard by him who entered the door.It turned out that she had endured so much grievance and helplessness for herself, how long would it take for a cup of steaming boiled water to turn into cold boiled water... He opened the drawer, and there was a thick pile of self-criticism inside. Looking at these self-criticisms, his face became hot: he didn't know how many times he lost his temper with her and made her shed tears... When he wanted to lose his temper again, he didn't wait for her to pour boiling water, but went to the kitchen by himself, Pour a glass of boiled water, wait for the boiled water to cool down slowly, and after drinking the cold boiled water, his anger also subsides, and he said to her: "Don't ask me to write a review in the future."

From then on, what the neighbors heard was not his bad temper alone, but the laughter of two people.I don’t know what happened, but later the neighbors thought he was kind, and his popularity in the work unit became better and better... Once at a party, a friend asked her, who was looking so radiant, "Why are you becoming more and more beautiful?" Already?" Then he turned his head to him: "You have also become different, more and more kind?" Then, he told his friends the story of "a glass of boiling water", and the friends were filled with emotion.

When two people are together, it is not to let the other person become what you imagined, but to accept the other person. This is tolerance.If you just think about changing the other party, that's not life, that's war.In love, sometimes pretending to be deaf and dumb is happier than a needle point facing a wheat awn. After all, the other party is our lover, a lover who goes hand in hand.

Some people say: "Love is accumulation." Nothing in the world can be achieved overnight, and everything will always come to fruition in the end.Married life is long and dull, and you need to show tolerance, consideration, and patience bit by bit in the details of your life, so that you can build deep trust and love for a long time.

In the journey of life, it is not easy to meet a lover. It is no wonder that people in the world say, "If you cultivate for a hundred years, you can cross the same boat, and if you cultivate for a thousand years, you can sleep together."Since it is so rare, we should be more patient and maintain our love, tolerate our love so that it can last forever.

love is never possession
Love is never possession, nor is it about getting as much as you give.Love is something that doesn't necessarily get rewarded.Love is letting go when it's time to let go.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "Lao Tzu He Said The Philosophy of Action": "Young people should understand the philosophy of love when they fall in love. The loveliest thing is the one that cannot be loved to death." Mr. Nan Huaijin's words are both humorous and full of profound meaning ,yes!In love, 1+1 is not equal to 2 at all, we need to learn some philosophy about love.

The young man fell in love with the beautiful neighbor girl, but the girl didn't take him seriously at all, and married a man she liked.

On the day of the girl's wedding, the young man felt very painful, and hid in his room alone.At this time, my father knocked on the door and came in.

"Why can't she be my wife when I love her so much?"

Father smiled slightly and grabbed a handful of sand from the fish tank.I saw that the sand in my father's hand was solid and perfect, not a single drop was scattered, and not a single particle was lost.Then, my father clenched his hands tightly, and the grains of sand immediately fell from between his fingers and continued to flow away.When my father opened his hand again, there was very little sand left in his hand.

The son looked at the grains of sand in his father's hands, stopped crying, and nodded thoughtfully.Then, his father comforted him with a few words: "Love, you don't need to deliberately grasp it, and you can't force it. The more you want to hold on to your lover, the easier it is to lose yourself and your original heart. True love should be kept Tolerance and understanding. If you can't stay together in the end, you should also bless the other party and leave the other party with a clear sky."

After listening to his father's words, the young man rushed out of the door, yes, he should send her blessings.

Although everyone hopes that "lover will get married eventually", but the reality is always subject to many restrictions, and you can't really do whatever you want.If you really love someone, but you can't stay together, you have to remember: loving someone is not a must.Letting go and watching each other's happiness is also a kind of true love.

In life, there are many stories like young people, the one they love ends up marrying someone else.Some people choose to continue to be depressed and have nothing to do with them, because the other party has hurt them deeply.And some people choose to let go, just like the young people in the story, sending blessings to each other.As long as the person you love is happy, isn't that also a kind of happiness?

The fish lives in a sea area, and it swims around every day.One day, a lost bird flew over this sea area. It looked very tired, and looked down for a piece of land in the sea.At this time, the fish in the water felt that the light on the water surface became a little dim, and looked up at the sky.

In an instant, the eyes of the fish and the bird intertwined, and they were attracted to each other at once.

Then, Asuka told the fish about the world he saw: the vast sky and the vast land... The fish told Asuka about the world in the ocean, the types of fish, and the stories he encountered.

They opened a colorful window to each other's world, and they fell in love.In this way, after a long time, they thought they would stay together like this for the rest of their lives. The birds forgot the sky they flew in, and the fish forgot the seabed they had dived deeply.

One day, the flying bird saw other birds flying by, it thought of the sky, and it asked the fish: "Would you like to feel the freedom of the wind passing by with me?"

The fish looked at its fins and said nothing.

One day, in order to avoid the storm, the fish dived into the deep water. When the sun came back, it excitedly asked the bird: "Can you see the beauty of the coral in the water?"

Asuka looked at the sparkling water and smiled wryly.

Later, the bird still chose to fly to the sky, and the fish also returned to the water, but it went to another sea area.They love each other deeply, but they know that whoever leaves their own world will not be able to live.

Seeing this, we couldn't help being sad.Love is like this, not every love song will have a happy ending.It's like a beautiful flower, you can't pick it just because you like it, and take it home to enjoy.By the time you get it home, it may have withered.At this point, do you still think it is a beautiful flower?
Love is never possession, nor is it about getting as much as you give.Love means that you don't necessarily get something in return; love means letting go when it's time to let go.Master Shengyan said: "Cultivate a pure and untainted love. Don't be concerned about gains and losses in your relationship. Don't want to get something in return. Then you won't have troubles." It is compassion", the greatest happiness of loving someone is not to get the other person, but to make the other person happy.So, loving someone doesn't have to be obtained, as long as the other person is happy, your love will not be given in vain.

When love is gone, we must know how to let go
Master Shengyan said: "Only when you can put it down can you lift it up. You can lift it up and let it go freely, and you are a free person." Buddhists believe that everything has a cause and effect.When love comes, we must know how to cherish; when we lose love, we must also know how to let go.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "Lao Tzu He Said: The Philosophy of Life and the Level of Tao": "The most painful and difficult thing in life is to forget love. Yes, every couple in love wants to go to the end, and no one wants to Talk about breaking up. But when two people find their differences, but the problem cannot be resolved, breaking up is the best choice."

Stanford University sociologist Clifford Nurse said: "It is difficult to bring up a breakup face-to-face, but a lack of social skills makes it even harder."

For anyone, breaking up is a painful thing. Breaking up will make people unwilling to accept reality, and some people will even do stupid things because of breaking up.

They were a pair of lovers, very much in love, so much in love that they couldn't do without each other.In the eyes of friends, they are a match made in heaven, no matter in appearance, family background, or work.In their view, the most suitable person in the world has already been found, and this is the person bestowed by God.

Things come and go, and their sweet moments become less and less as they get to know each other better.She began to be dissatisfied with his young master's temper, and his life experience was almost equivalent to an idiot.He is dissatisfied with her Miss Jiao's living habits. He puts on facial masks and skin care every day. He never cooks or washes dishes. He doesn't look like an ordinary woman at all...

Gradually, their disagreements grew, ranging from who should do the cleaning, what color to wear when going out, which restaurant to go to, as big as what location to buy a house, and what style of decoration.

One day, he said to her, "Let's separate."

She refused to separate and stalked her to make him compensate her.After so many years, how could it be possible to say that they would be separated? She gave him her best youth.Then, he stopped going home and moved to work.

She started making harassing phone calls, spreading rumors, went to his unit to find him, and smashed his car.

He said more than once: "Let's not get entangled any longer, why not find our own happiness?" She didn't give up.

Later, she wanted to take revenge on him. He said that he would be together even if he died.So, she bought a sharp dagger, imagining the feeling of the knife piercing his heart, feeling pain and happiness.Before she could do anything, he had a car accident and was sent to the hospital.Coincidentally, she was the doctor on duty at the time.

She saw that he was seriously injured, curled up on the hospital bed, and had fallen into a coma.The opportunity came so easily, she was thrilled.She stood in front of the operating table, anesthetizing him.

When she picked up the scalpel, she thought of her responsibilities as a doctor and the days when they were together.

Ultimately, the surgery was a success.After getting off the operating table, she burst into tears.It turned out that she thought that if she hated, she would hate forever. She thought that if she didn't love, she would wish for the other person to die.Unexpectedly, when he was really facing life and death, when he needed her help, she still stepped forward.

After he recovered, he asked her: "Didn't you say you were going to kill me? You clearly had the opportunity, why didn't you do that?"

She smiled slightly: "We once loved each other deeply."

The two chose to be together because there was something that attracted them.But when the problems are irreconcilable, even if they are entangled, both parties will not be happy.If so, why bother with it?

Master Shengyan said: "Only when you can put it down can you lift it up. You can lift it up and let it go freely, and you are a free person." Buddhists believe that everything has a cause and effect.When love comes, we must know how to cherish; when we lose love, we must also know how to let go.

After letting go, don't use extreme ways to end the relationship between two people, this will only cause pain to both parties.Just like her and him in the story, if she really kills him, then her love for him is deformed.What will be the result?He would die in her vengeance, and his family would suffer from the loss of a son.She would lose her job, go to jail, spend the rest of her life in prison, living in guilt and pain forever, and her family would be devastated by the loss of their daughter.A wrong decision, a deformed love, will destroy two families. Is this the result we want to see?of course not!Fortunately, in the end, she understood what love is.Love is to see the other person live healthily and see the other person happy!
When the relationship between two people comes to an end, no matter how much you have been hurt, please don't hold a grudge, because the end of love also means the end of hurt.Instead of spending time and energy to get revenge on the other party, it is better to spend time to live your own life.

(End of this chapter)