Life is but a thought: Nan Huaijin's 15 Life Wisdom Lessons

Chapter 28 The game between one person and a group of people (1)
Do what you like: ask about bans when entering the country, do as the Romans do when you enter the country

Behaving in the world, blindly doing one's own way, on the surface it looks very individual, but in fact it is easy to hurt others and yourself.If we can easily master "asking the ban" and "following the vulgar", we can change from a chess piece of the game to a player of the game and win things that we can't imagine.

"When you enter the country, ask about the ban, and when you enter the country, do as the Romans do" means that when you go to other regions, you must act according to the local customs and follow the local customs. "Wenban" refers to local taboos and prohibited things, to avoid doing things that violate local customs.In layman's terms, every country and every city has its own customs, that is, customs.Living in such an environment, it is inevitable to be influenced and baptized by this culture, thus being branded as "one side nourishes one side".

Nan Huaijin believes that it is very important for a person to "ask the ban when entering the country, and do as the Romans do"!Nowadays, the convenience of transportation makes people more and more frequent contacts with people, so asking questions and following the customs are particularly important in interpersonal relationships.For example, before entering a country, you must first understand the laws and regulations of the country; when you go to a place, you must first find out the customs and habits of the place; when you go to any country or place, you must respect the local customs and do not violate them. inverse.This is true for foreign countries, foreign lands, and even more so for interpersonal relationships.For example, on an old-fashioned boat, after eating on the boat, you cannot put your chopsticks on the bowl, otherwise you will commit a big taboo; someone has just been hit and is in a bad mood, and you still keep sharing your own Happiness, one can imagine what the consequences will be.

When Master Mencius taught Qi Xuan Wang Anbang's strategy, he once said: "The ministers first went to the border, asked about the country's great ban, and then dared to enter." It means that when I came to your country, I asked about you before I entered the country. country's ban.Taking a closer look, asking about bans and following the customs in personnel matters includes knowing what one hates and doing what one likes.In the eyes of some people, "follow what you like" is a derogatory term, because those who "follow what you like" have their own goals, either selfish or ulterior.In fact, if "follow what you like" is used in the journey, it is just a guiding and stimulating method to change the interpersonal relationship, which can change the attitude of others towards you from rejection, rejection, indifference to becoming interested in you. Pay attention.

Li Baidou's [-] poems on wine, he enjoyed traveling in famous mountains all his life.According to Yuan Mei's Suiyuan Shihua Supplement, Wang Lun and Li Baisu did not know each other, but he was very eager to meet Li Bai.Later, Wang Lun wrote a letter, wanting to invite Li Bai to travel to Jing County (now the southern Anhui area of ​​Anhui).Wang Lun wrote enthusiastically in the letter: "Sir, do you like traveling? There are ten miles of peach blossoms here. Do you like drinking, sir? There are ten thousand hotels here."

Li Bai read the letter and was overjoyed.There are not only beautiful scenery, good wine, but also a companion, which is simply a great joy in life.So Li Bai went happily.

When he arrived at Wang Lun's place, Li Bai saw that he was a nobleman in Jingchuan. He was hospitable, suave and uninhibited. There is no Peach Blossom; Wanjia, the owner of the shop is named Wanye, and there is no Wanjia Hotel.”

Li Bai was taken aback for a moment, then laughed, and stayed for a few days before leaving.

One is a reclusive poet, and the other is a wild and unrestrained poet and wine sage. They got acquainted by a letter and performed a long story.Wang Lun is wise, he knows how to do what he likes, knowing that Li Bai likes to drink, he uses wine to lure Li Bai.Li Bai used to sing and write poems about wine, suave and uninhibited, with the arrogance of "the emperor can't get on the boat". If he wants to get acquainted and invite him, using wine as bait is exactly what he wants.

Can you say that Wang Lun's "following what he likes" is the practice of a villain?of course not!He just acted ingeniously and got acquainted with a poet friend.From Wang Lun's actions, we can see his elegance and wisdom.

Mr. Nan Huaijin also told a story, which confirmed the commendation of "following what he likes".

Yuan Mei, a talented scholar in the Qing Dynasty, became famous all over the world at the age of 30, and came out to be a county magistrate.Before taking office, he went to visit his teacher, Yin Wenrui, a famous minister in the Qianlong period.

The teacher asked him: "I became a county magistrate at a young age, what preparations do I have?"

He said: "Nothing, just prepared a hundred high hats."

The teacher frowned and said, "How do young people do this?"

Yuan Mei said: "Everyone in society likes to wear them. How many of you don't want to wear them like you, teacher?"

After listening to the teacher, he felt that what he said made sense.When Yuan Mei came out, his classmates asked him how he was talking with the teacher. Yuan Mei said that he had just given away a top hat.

Mr. Nan Huanjin said, who doesn't like to hear nice words?Yes, no matter who they are or how old they are, as long as someone praises them with heart and puts a high hat on themselves, then he is probably a kind of enjoyment.In fact, "giving a high hat" itself is a kind of doing what one likes. It does not belong to the "ban on asking", but it can be regarded as "doing as the Romans do".In interpersonal communication, it is indeed a great wisdom to do what one likes, and it is also an effective way of communication.

To behave in the world, blindly go its own way, on the surface it looks very individual, but in fact it is easy to hurt others, and it is easy to hurt yourself.If we can easily grasp the "asking ban" and "follow the vulgar", we can change from a pawn of the game to a player of the game, and win things that we can't expect.

make more friends, make good friends

Make more friends, and learn the correct principles of life from them.Being good at making friends is also an essential skill to survive in the world. With the help and cooperation of friends, you will not encounter obstacles everywhere in the world.

Regarding making friends, Confucius has a unique way of making friends: "Three friends are beneficial, and three friends are detrimental. Friends who are straightforward, friends who understand, and friends who are knowledgeable are beneficial.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "The Analects of Confucius": "Everyone in the world needs friends, and friends can be divided into beneficial friends and harmful friends. Friends who are straight, friends who understand, and friends who learn more are friends who are beneficial to themselves. 'Friendship' refers to A straight-talking friend; 'Friendship' is a friend who has a generous personality and can forgive others; Bianbi' refers to friends who have special hobbies, or who don't eat hard and soft, and will offend him inadvertently; 'Friendly and soft' refers to friends who have weak personality, strong dependence, lack of personal opinions and even blindly follow and cater to you; "Friends and sycophants" are friends who specialize in flattering horses, usually not enough for success, more than for failure, which is of no benefit to oneself."

Making friends is a brilliant art, and even the Buddhist scriptures have written a lot about the methods of making friends.In the "Buddha Saying Bo Sutra", there is: "Friends have four qualities, you must know: there are friends like flowers, there are friends like scales, there are friends like mountains, and friends are like earth."

Friends like flowers and scales are another expression of the bad friends mentioned by Confucius, and friends like mountains and earth are another generalization of good friends.A friend is like a flower. This kind of friend treats you like a flower. When you are in full bloom, you will be inserted on the temples and enshrined on the table; Scale, such a friend is like a scale, if you are heavier than him, he will know how to bow his head; if you are lighter than him, he will immediately raise his head.When you are famous and powerful, he grovels and flatters you.On the contrary, when you have nothing, he will change his previous style and start to raise his head and look down on you.There are friends like mountains, and this kind of friends are like high mountains. Mountains can plant forests and raise all kinds of birds and animals, allowing creatures to gather in them freely.A good friend is like a mountain, broad-minded, upright and towering, and treats others generously.A friend is like the earth, and this kind of friend is like the earth, which embraces all things, bears no complaints, and accepts it with a smile.It can be seen that the influence of the loser and the beneficiary.

Mr. Nan Huaijin often said: "Acquaintances are all over the world, how many people can you know?" In his opinion, although everyone has many friends, but few of them are complete. New friends are increasing, and old friends are also being lost. It is even more difficult to get a real confidant.

During the Tang Dynasty, there was a man named Wu Baoan who served as Fang Yiwei in Suizhou, Dongchuan.At that time, he had a fellow countryman named Guo Zhongxiang, who was the nephew of Prime Minister Guo Zhen.Originally, Wu Baoan and Guo Zhongxiang didn't know each other, but Wu Baoan knew that Guo Zhongxiang was a hero, so he mustered up the courage to write a letter to Guo Zhongxiang, asking Guo Zhongxiang to find him a good job.

When Guo Zhongxiang received the letter, he thought: This person has never lived with me, so he must be my confidant if he trusts him like this.In this way, the two became friends.On Guo Zhongxiang's recommendation, Wu Baoan served as a clerk in the army.

In a battle, Guo Zhongxiang unfortunately became a prisoner of the enemy.At that time, the enemy allowed the captives to send letters to their homes, asking them to redeem them with money.Therefore, Guo Zhongxiang wrote a letter asking Wu Baoan to redeem himself.

After Wu Baoan received the letter, he was grateful for the friendship between his confidant and devoted himself to everything.Unfortunately, the ransom was still not enough.Later, Wu Baoan left his wife and children and went out to do business.It took ten years of bleak management to collect enough ransom, and finally ransom Guo Zhongxiang back.

The friendship between Wu Baoan and Guo Zhongxiang is admirable.The one who has never met him regards him as a friend, and the one who knows how to repay his kindness, exhausts his family's wealth, and spends ten years to redeem his benefactor.It can be seen that true friends value money and love righteousness, know each other like relatives, and their friendship is as strong as gold and stone.Friends like Wu Baoan and Guo Zhongxiang don't have to be many, one or two is enough.If you meet such a confidant, you must cherish it.

In short, make more good friends, and you can learn the correct principles of life from them.Being good at making friends is also an essential skill to survive in the world. With the help and cooperation of friends, you will not encounter obstacles everywhere in the world.

"Four No's" Leadership Philosophy
"If you don't see yourself, you will know it, if you don't see it for yourself, you will show it, if you don't cut it, you will make merit, and if you don't boast it, you will grow" is not only limited to personal self-cultivation, but also the basic commitment in leadership philosophy.As long as someone who wants to make great achievements and build a great cause violates these four principles, the result will be a crushing defeat.

Mr. Nan Huaijin said in "Lao Tzu He Said The Leadership of the Four Nos": "If you don't see yourself, you will be clear; if you don't see yourself, you will show; if you don't cut yourself, you will make merit;

"If you don't see yourself, you can see it" means that people should not be stubborn about their own subjective prejudices. If they are too persistent, they will "block their eyes and see Mount Tai".On the positive side, people need to reflect at any time so that they can see themselves.

"Not being self-righteous and showing off" means that people should not be self-righteous and supercilious.It is difficult for a self-righteous person to achieve great things. "Zi Shi" and "Zi Shi" are the same but different. "Zi Shi" is the subjective belief that one must be right.

"If you don't cut yourself down, you have merit" means that people are born to love to show off and take credit, but a truly cultivated person should not cut down on himself, ignore fame and fame in his heart, and only hope that "the merit is in the world." "Self-cutting" is synonymous with self-praise.

"I am not self-respecting so I grow" means that being too self-respecting is arrogance.Arrogant people can't succeed, so you can't grow without pride. "Self-respect" means self-esteem.

These four sentences are not only the key to being a human being, but also a leadership philosophy that must be kept in mind.Such a story is recorded in Zen classics.

Once, Zen Master Baiyun and his master Yang Qifanghui sat opposite each other.

Suddenly, Yang Qi asked: "I heard that your former master Tulingyu monk said a gatha when he became enlightened. Do you remember it?"

"Remember, remember." Bai Yun replied confidently, "The gatha is: 'I have a bright pearl, which has been locked away by the dust for a long time. Once the dust is gone, the light will shine, and it will shine through thousands of mountains and rivers.'" After finishing speaking, There was a bit of complacency in his tone, and there was a smile on his face.

When Yang Qi heard this, he laughed a few times, then got up and left.He didn't say a word, didn't say something wrong, and didn't praise Bai Yun's memory.

Bai Yun stood there in a daze, a little puzzled: why did he react like this?What is he laughing at?Am I wrong?However, I clearly remember that this is true.

Regarding the master's reaction, he wondered for a long time, and he couldn't figure out the reason for the master's laughter.That night, Baiyun tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.Early the next morning, he couldn't bear it anymore, so he ran to ask the master, why did he smile like that after he answered it?

This time, Zen Master Yang Qi smiled even more happily.After a while, he said to his insomnia disciple with black eyes: "So you are not as good as a clown. Clowns are not afraid of people laughing, but you are afraid of people laughing."

When Bai Yun heard this, he suddenly understood.

Bai Yun's self-satisfaction when reciting the Buddha's gatha is the expression of self-righteousness, self-seeking, self-criticism, and self-respect. The restlessness after being laughed at is the disturbed mood after being carried away.It was not until he was tortured all night that he ran to ask Zen Master Yang Qi why he was smiling.The master's answer gave Bai Yun an epiphany.It turns out that pretentious people still live in the evaluation of others.As a human being, one should not be complacent because of temporary achievements, let alone doubt oneself because of other people's temporary reactions.

"If you don't see yourself, you will know it, if you don't see it for yourself, you will show it, if you don't cut it, you will make merit, and if you don't boast it, you will grow" is not only limited to personal self-cultivation, but also the basic commitment in leadership philosophy.As long as someone who wants to make great achievements and build a great cause violates these four principles, the result will be a crushing defeat.

Therefore, people who are superior should not be stubborn and self-righteous, should not be short-sighted, blinded by one leaf, should not take credit for it, be arrogant, and should not use their own preferences to determine the development of things.Only by being familiar with the leadership philosophy of "four nos" can one's career last forever.Now, let's take this famous sentence of "four nos" as the "motto" for people to live in the world!It must be engraved in your heart, and you will benefit from it forever.

Leadership Essentials: "Five Beauties" and "Four Evils"

If a leader can keep in mind the leadership philosophy of Confucius' "five beauties" and "four evils" and is determined to work hard in this direction, he will be a good leader and bring out a harmonious and motivated team.

The "five beauties and four evils" were mentioned by Confucius when Zizhang asked Confucius for advice on the essentials of being an official.Mr. Nan Huaijin also said that respecting the five beauties and rejecting the four evils is the model theory of Confucius in politics.

In "The Analects of Confucius", such a thing is recorded.

Zi Zhang asked Confucius, "How can you be in politics like this?"

The Master said: "Respect the five beauties and reject the four evils, so you can be in politics."

Zi Zhang said, "What are the five beauties?"

The Master said: "A gentleman benefits without spending, works without complaining, desires without being greedy, prosperous without being arrogant, and powerful without being fierce."

Zi Zhang said, "What are the four evils?"

The Master said: "Killing without teaching is called cruelty, not treating it as violence is called violence, and delaying orders to the end is called thief.

Translated, it roughly means:
Zizhang asked Confucius: "What are the requirements for being an official?"

Confucius replied: "As long as you know how to respect the five virtues and abandon the four evils, you can be in politics."

Zi Zhang asked again, "What are the five beauties?"

Confucius replied: "A gentleman gives favors to others without costing himself anything; he serves the common people, but they have no resentment; they have desires but are not greedy; they are poised but not arrogant; they are majestic but not fierce."

After Zi Zhang asked about the "five beauties", he then asked about the "four evils".

Confucius replied: "To kill without enlightenment is called cruelty; to seek success without warning is called violence;

Regarding the "five beauties" mentioned by Confucius, if we look at it from the perspective of leadership, then we can analyze it in this way.

Gentlemen benefit without cost.If a leader can take the interests of his subordinates into consideration, implement benevolent government, know how to think about the people at the grassroots level, and work for the welfare of his subordinates, then he can bring benefits to others as well as himself.It is like saying that in a disaster year, the price of grain will be stabilized and hoarding will be stopped. This will benefit the people and the government will not have to spend money. It is a way to achieve the best of both worlds.

(End of this chapter)