If You Give Me Three Days of Light: The Best Collection of Helen Keller

Chapter 20 The Second Half of My Life (Continued) (5)
We were invited to speak to urban schools, women's groups, to rural and mining organizations, and sometimes to labor groups in industrial cities.After penetrating all levels in this way, I have a different understanding of life, and realize that my previous thinking was too naive.In the past, I always thought this way: Although I am blind and deaf, I can still live a fairly happy life. It can be seen that there is nothing difficult in the world. As long as you are willing to work hard, the so-called "fate" will not do us any harm. .However, I forgot one most important thing - the reason why I can overcome so many difficulties is because of the help of others.I was so lucky to be born in a happy family, with loving parents, and later with the help of Mrs. Sullivan and many good friends, I was able to receive higher education.But I didn't realize this deeply at first.Now, I deeply understand that not everyone can successfully achieve their wishes, and the influence of the environment is still very large.After seeing the poor laborers in industrial areas and mining areas, I have a deep understanding of the pressure that the environment exerts on a person.

This kind of thinking has gradually become a deep belief, but I don't feel pessimistic because of it, it just strengthens the idea that human beings should help themselves and help others.The real environment is terrible, but human beings should maintain hope and keep striving. As for those who are in adversity, they have an obligation to help those in need.

In January, 1914, I had my first opportunity to cross the continental United States.This time, my mother walked with me, which made me especially happy and brought me a lot of convenience.My mother loved traveling, and I finally had the opportunity to show her the continental United States, from the Atlantic coast in the east to the Pacific coast in the west.

The first stop of the speech tour was Ottawa, Canada, then Ohio, halfway through London, England, then back to Michigan, then Minnesota, Iowa, and so on all the way to the Midwest.My mother was always in high spirits on the trip, but sometimes worried that I would be too tired.My mother was also very happy that we were able to go to California, because she liked California very much, and especially fell in love with the waterfront in San Francisco, where she often wandered on the beach at dusk.She repeatedly told me that California's climate is so charming, and the seaside scenery is even more unforgettable.

I went out on a steamboat with my mother, and she fell in love with the gulls flying behind the boat.She brings out food and feeds them to stop them.My mother is also a born poet. She described to me the Golden Gate Bridge in the afterglow of the setting sun in a poetic tone.She told me in a reverent tone that American fir is the "king of nature", because its solemnity is more convincing than mountains, rivers and seas.

Now I am writing while reliving the joy at that time, and the little bits of happiness are reappearing in front of my eyes.I seemed to see the "House of the Cliff" again. I saw my mother and I walked out of the "House of the Cliff" after having breakfast, and went to the beach lined with strange rocks to play.
Those lovely sand dunes covered with little blue and yellow flowers.When I was standing on Cape Twins enjoying the fresh air of nature, my mother pulled me to her side and said to me with infinite emotion: "Seeing such a pleasant scenery, all my past sorrows and unhappiness are gone." From this cape, you can see the city in the distance, and the bustling streets extending from the cape along the coast.We can also see the clock tower on the street market from the promontory. Every five or six minutes, a ferry slowly sails out from the harbor with its whistle.

My second lecture tour across the Continent took place in October, 1914, this time accompanied by my secretary, Miss Thomson.The work of a secretary is not easy at all. The contact of the speech, the appointment, even the revision of the schedule, handling the aftermath, etc., must be handled by the secretary.These things are sometimes very troublesome, thanks to Ms. Thomson is very capable, she does things neatly, handles problems in an orderly manner, and has spare time to take care of my daily life and housekeeping.I can't imagine what we'd be in if it wasn't for Mrs. Thomason's help.Although we had received a sum of money from Mr. Carnegie before, we still couldn't give up our principle of serious work, and our expenses were quite large.

After the outbreak of the First World War, we could no longer travel and give lectures as casually as before.Just thinking about the devastation of war going on and how it's going to get worse, I can no longer speak the words of charity as easily as I used to.During this period, I often woke up with dreams of bloodshed or carnage.At the same time, some publishing houses and magazines have asked me to write some more fashionable and interesting articles. However, my mind is full of gunshots and the tragic scenes of soldiers and civilians being killed. How can I have the heart to write such articles? What about class articles?

At that time, what I felt most regretful was that I had received thousands of letters from Europe asking for help, but there was nothing I could do.To put it bluntly, I am a mud bodhisattva crossing the river, and I can't protect myself, and I have to travel and give lectures to make ends meet.During this period the group we belonged to launched a vigorous anti-war movement, hoping to prevent the United States from entering the world war.But there are also groups that hold the opposite position to us. They spare no effort to get the United States to enter the war. The leader is the old President Roosevelt.

Mr. Sullivan and I are staunch opponents of the war. We believe that we should try our best to avoid getting the United States involved in the war.So, starting in 1916, we went to Kansas, Michigan, Nebraska, etc. to give anti-war lectures.But our efforts were not successful, which is really a pity.

We travel to every possible place to express our ideas, sometimes in makeshift tents, sometimes in the most luxurious auditoriums.The good news is that we have resonated with many audiences, but unfortunately, most of the newspapers at that time did not support our position.In the past, they always exaggerated as much as possible, praising me as "the savior of the blind" or calling me a "miracle of the times", but now, whenever my content touches society or politics in the slightest, they lash out and regard me as a Left wing lackeys.This really moved me a lot.

In addition, the society is enthusiastically disseminating war ideas, and of course there are some people in the audience who do not agree with our anti-war views. Therefore, the ideological trend of participating in the war is rapidly spreading all over the United States.At that time, I was really disappointed in this world!
short love

In the autumn of 1916, I returned to Lian Shan's home in a depressed mood, trying to comfort my tired body and mind.However, even in Lianshan, it was not pleasant, because Mr. Macy also left because of separation from Mr. Sullivan, and Ms. Thomason asked for leave to return to Scotland. Only the maid Yi An happily welcomed me back.She rearranged and decorated the house, and asked me to wait for the flowers in the garden to bloom, but how did she know that I didn't even have any interest in enjoying the flowers.In the end, I thought of calling my mother to come, which relieved my lonely mood to some extent.

Not long after, Mr. Sullivan fell ill again due to long-term fatigue and sorrow.She coughed constantly, and the doctor advised her to move to Lake Bracido to recuperate in winter.But if Mr. Sullivan leaves again, the family will be broken up.I've been so troubled by this that I've lost my mind to work, and I can't even sit still and think.For the first time in my life, I feel that life is boring.I often ask myself in fear: "If the teacher has such pessimistic thoughts like me, what should I do?"

How lonely and boring this world would be without Mrs. Sullivan!If she is not by my side, I must be unable to do anything?Every time I think about it, I feel more uneasy.It was in this state of extreme helplessness that I became emotionally attached to a young man.

One night, I was alone in my study thinking about a problem.At this time, the young secretary who temporarily replaced Ms. Thomason suddenly walked in and poured out his concern for me in a calm and gentle manner.Of course I was very surprised, but I was quickly moved by his sincerity.He said that if we can get together, he will be by my side at any time, reading for me, and collecting writing materials for me.In short, he can do everything that Mrs. Sullivan has done for me before.

After I quietly comprehended the love of the other party, I couldn't help feeling an inexplicable joy in my heart, and I couldn't help trembling.In my heart I was going to tell my teacher and my mother about it, but he stopped me and said, "I don't think it's time yet."

After a pause, he said again: "You know, Teacher Sullivan is currently sick, and your mother doesn't like me. If you tell them rashly like this, you can imagine that you will be opposed. I Let's take our time and talk to them later when we get a chance." After that, we had a pretty good time together.Sometimes we went for walks in the forest side by side, and sometimes we sat quietly in the study while he read to me.Until one morning, when I woke up and was changing clothes, my mother suddenly rushed into the room and asked me: "The newspaper published a shocking piece of news today. Helen, have you promised to be engaged to someone? "

Her hands trembled slightly as she spoke.At this time, on the one hand, I was quite horrified because I was not mentally prepared, and on the other hand, I wanted to cover up for the other party, so I withdrew my lie casually: "It's all nonsense. The newspapers publish some ridiculous news every time. I don't care about this matter." None of them know."

Not only did I say that to my mother, but I dared not admit it even to Teacher Sullivan.His mother promptly dismissed him.I still wonder why I lied and caused pain to my mother, Mrs. Sullivan, and the young man when I think about it now.

That's how my love affair ended.

Although this year was full of troubles, it was over after all.

The climate in Lake Bracido was very cold, and the teacher's condition did not improve much. Therefore, at the end of December, the teacher and Ms. Thomason went to the warm Puerto Rico and lived there.During this period, they wrote to me every week, and the letters often mentioned the beautiful scenery and pleasant climate of Puerto Rico, and excitedly described all kinds of flowers that they had never seen before.At this time, the United States entered the war!Teacher Sullivan was taken aback by the news, so she returned to Lianshan in April.However, the teacher's health did not fully recover until the autumn of the following year. Therefore, although he returned to Lianshan, he was still unable to give lectures for more than a year.

Without jobs, of course our savings are decreasing day by day.We are going to sell Lianshan's house and find another smaller one.However, it is really hard to let go of the place where you have lived for many years!All the tables and chairs in the room suddenly became so kind and lovely, full of emotion.Especially the desk on which I often write, and the bookcase, as well as the large French windows where I often stand facing the garden, the easy chair under the cherry tree, etc., are even more difficult for me to give up.However, once the moment of parting comes, I can only say goodbye with tears, and put them in the most memorable corner of my memory.We leave the house of 13 years with sadness and resignation, with the only comfort in our minds that, while not here, this lovely house will still serve a purpose for another family.

Now, the house has changed owners and has become a dormitory for female employees of the Jordan Smarsh department store in Boston.Even so, I still have the love of the owner for it, because it is loaded with the most wonderful 10 years of my life, and there are too many past events worthy of my memories.There are my laughter and my tears.More importantly, it is the place where I lived, and its traces must be engraved on my vitality.

movie life
After leaving Lianshan and traveling around the country for a short period of time, we finally decided to live in the Forrest Hills area of ​​Long Island, a suburb of New York City, which is a beautiful place.

We bought a nice hut here, with protruding edges and corners everywhere, resembling the appearance of an ancient castle, and we named it "Swamp City".

The family members at that time included: Mrs. Sullivan, Thomson, me, and a puppy named Gillan.

After a long journey, we all yearn for a quiet life.I planted trees in the yard with my own hands.The second floor of the house is divided into a small study room for me, and there are windows on all sides of the house.I started to learn Italian so that I could read Dante in its original language.However, before our new house was completely settled, we received a very unexpected letter.

The letter was written by Dr. Francis Mira, who expressed his interest in making my "Girls' Generation" into a film and hoped that I would participate.I was very happy when I received the letter, because I thought that making this personal experience into a movie would definitely inspire those less fortunate and cause reflection in this world that hates each other and is full of violence.How can I let go of such a good opportunity?The film adaptation was titled Relief.

Now that I think about it, the energy I had to go all the way to Hollywood to make a movie is really unbelievable!Maybe I was too naive at the time, thinking that my story was so touching that the audience would be so engrossed in watching the movie that they wouldn't even dare to yawn.It was that kind of excessive self-confidence and arrogance that made me accept the invitation of the film company without hesitation.

It's strange how it didn't occur to me at the time how a man with a disability like me could be the lead in a movie?The average female star is in good shape, as beautiful as a flower, but what about me?Fat and fat, and not good-looking, she can't be compared with ordinary female stars.And I lack the acting skills to make the audience cry or make the audience laugh, so why should I act?But all that aside, my time in Hollywood was colorful.To be honest, I don't regret that filming experience at all.

During that time, I experienced many things that I had never encountered before. The exciting life always brought me surprises, and I never even knew what I would encounter after I walked out of the gate.Whenever I walk on the path full of geraniums, a knight may suddenly rush out of the slant; or when I am walking on the road, I will encounter an ice cart suddenly turned on all sides; Or on the mountainside in the distance, at some point there will be a small wooden house surrounded by raging fire...

All in all, what I saw and heard after I came here made me feel novel and interesting.I remember one time, a group of us went to the desert in a car under the scorching sun, and the desert under the sun was sparsely covered with cacti and bushes.When we came to the corner of a small village, someone suddenly exclaimed: "Look! There are Indians! Real Indians..."

Everyone was very excited and immediately jumped out of the car to see clearly.Sure enough, an Indian was standing there with no one else around.The guide beside me stepped forward and begged the Indian to let me touch the feathers on his head, because he looked very proud with the brightly colored eagle feathers on his head.I walked up anxiously and greeted him again with sign language.

But.To our surprise, the Indian said in fluent English: "Let this lady try her best, it doesn't matter how many times."

At this time, all the people present were shocked.We later figured out that it was an actor, who was waiting for the cameraman, not a real Indian at all!

Ms. Thomason and I often go out riding before dawn.On the grassland with crystal clear dew, you can smell the fragrance of thyme and eucalyptus.The morning breeze is so nice and refreshing!In this way, I spent many pleasant mornings on the back roads of Beverly Hills.

Filming was finally beginning on Relief, directed by Mr. George Hester Pratt of Blue Bird fame.First there was the opening shot, and Mr. Pratt communicated with me by knocking on the table as a signal.Our working process is usually as follows: Miss Thomas reads the script and listens to the director's instructions, then writes these in my hand, and after I fully understand, I listen to the director knocking on the table to give instructions.

Sometimes, the director himself would write a few words on my hand, such as "Don't be afraid, it's not a lion in a cage, it's a little canary. Do you know? Okay, please do it again." However, The more the director took care of me like this, the more nervous I felt.To be honest, it is really not easy to perform naturally in front of the camera, because no matter standing or sitting, the strong lights will always gather on the body, so it always makes people feel hot and sweaty all over the body, But you must also pay attention to the makeup on the face not to be stained by sweat, otherwise the tip of the nose will be too bright, or the forehead will reflect light, then the effect will be greatly reduced, so during the performance, the makeup should be retouched frequently.

(End of this chapter)