Can chat with anyone

Chapter 2 Once you open your mouth, let everyone like you
It is extremely important to have a good start when communicating with people. If the first sentence you say is accurate and decent and can win the favor of the other party, then the chat will naturally go deep very easily.On the contrary, if what you say makes the other party disgusted and taboo, it is inevitable to hit a snag.

◎ Grasp the first 10 seconds
A Harvard speaker said that the first 10 seconds of our speech attract the audience the most.The reason is: In the first 10 seconds, everyone will express their true feelings intentionally or unconsciously.So, if you grab those 10 seconds, the whole speaking situation will turn in your favor.

How to grasp the first 10 seconds?Here are a few tips:
1. Start with a catchy story or humor

A touching story (especially a true story) or humor that can make the audience laugh can grab the audience's heart at once. Even if the previous speaker has distracted the audience, it can still grasp the overall mood. role, arouse the interest of the audience, so that they are quickly accepted by the audience.

2. Engage your audience with something

A drawing, a real object brought back from the battlefield or a photo can quickly attract the audience because it can intuitively reflect a certain theme.If the speaker is willing, he may also abstract his topic into a painting - there is no need to pursue its artistry at all, or write a few interesting big characters casually.Ingenious gestures can also focus the audience's attention at once, as long as the item helps the speaker to use the topic.

3. May wish to start with a question

Asking questions is an interesting way to start.After the question is asked, almost all interested people will think about it and have a desire to know the correct answer, and this will quickly focus the attention of the audience-they are waiting to use the answer you said to answer the question. Validate your judgment.However, it should be noted that the questions raised should not be too simple, but should be "thought-provoking" to cause thinking, or benefit the listener.

4. Create suspense

Suspense can be created through the audience's curiosity, and some "insider" information may be required when using this method of opening the talk.Undoubtedly, this is also a very good way to attract the audience.

5. Start from the interests and concerns of the audience

Experienced communicators are often good at connecting their speech with the immediate interests of the audience. Even if it is far-fetched, in order to attract the audience at the beginning of the speech, sometimes they have to make strategic detours until the audience's interest has aroused. Turn to the topic.

6. Start by empathizing with the audience

Common experiences or encounters, common research majors and directions, common hopes and prospects, etc., are all topics that can resonate with the audience. Opening in this way is often easier to "identify" with the audience.

7. Open with a quote

Celebrity quotes are great starters.Psychologists at Harvard University believe that the public has a common psychology of worshiping authority (celebrity is the authority that people think they are).The words of famous people always have a special charm for the audience, so they are the easiest to concentrate the attention of the audience.

8. Praise the audience first

People all over the world love to hear words of praise, so specific praise will make them pay attention, and at the same time, it will also make the speaker recognized as an amiable person and accepted by the audience.

◎Speak the first sentence when meeting for the first time
Socially, I often deal with strangers.The first sentence of the first meeting is the first impression left on the other party. Whether this first sentence is good or bad, it has a lot to do with it.Harvard interpersonal relationship experts pointed out that the key to saying the first sentence is: intimacy, caring, and eliminating strangeness.There are three common ways:
1. Climbing style
During the Battle of Chibi, Lu Su's first words when he saw Zhuge Liang were: "I am a friend of Ziyu." Ziyu is Zhuge Liang's brother Zhuge Jin, who is Lu Su's colleague and friend.A short sentence established the friendship between Lu Su and Zhuge Liang.

Any two people, as long as they pay attention to each other, it is not difficult to find that they have a "relative" and "friend" relationship of one kind or another.For example: "You are a graduate of Fudan University, and I have studied in Fudan University for two years. After all, we are still alumni!" "You are from Suzhou, I was born in Wuxi, and the two places are within easy reach. It is gratifying to meet my fellow countrymen today!"

2. Adoration

Showing respect and admiration to someone you meet for the first time is an expression of enthusiasm and courtesy.In this way, we must pay attention to: we must grasp the sense of proportion, be just right, and not tout indiscriminately, and do not say excessive words such as "I have heard the name for a long time, and it is like thunder".The content of expressing admiration should vary from time to time.

For example: "I've read your masterpiece many times and benefited a lot. I didn't expect to see you here today!"

"Today is Teacher's Day. It is a great honor for me to meet you, a famous teacher, on this glorious day."

"Guilin's landscape is the best in the world, I am very glad to meet you here—— respected landscape painter!"

3. Greeting
"Hello" is a common way to greet someone.If you can use different greetings according to different objects and time, the effect will be better.

To respectable elders, it is advisable to say "Hello, old man" to show respect; to those who are similar in age to yourself, say "Old × (surname), hello", to show kindness; the other party is a doctor or teacher, say "Doctor Li". , hello" "Mr. Wang, hello" means respect.During the festival, saying "Happy Holidays" and "Happy New Year" gives people a sense of congratulations on the festival; it is more appropriate to say "Good Morning" and "Good Morning" in the morning than "Hello".

A good first sentence is just a good start.In order to have interesting, speculative, and happy talks, there are two points that need to be paid attention to.

First, the two sides establish topics of common interest.Some people think that if they are strangers and meet for the first time, how can there be topics of common interest?actually not.Living in the same era and in the same country, as long as we are good at searching, why worry about not having a common language?A primary school teacher and a plasterer, it seems that the two are not speculative.If the plasterer is the parent of a primary school student, then the two can express their opinions and exchange views on how to educate the children; if the primary school teacher is building or repairing a house, then the two can exchange information on how to purchase building materials and choose a repair plan , learn from each other and discuss.As long as both parties pay attention and explore, it is not difficult to find that they have the same views on a certain issue, common interests in a certain aspect, or a certain type of things that everyone cares about.Some people feel stiff and embarrassed in front of new acquaintances, but they just haven't discovered topics of common interest.

Second, pay attention to understand the current situation of the other party.To make the other party have a good impression of you and leave an indelible deep impression, it is also necessary to understand the other party's most concerned issues in the near future and grasp their psychology through observation.For example, if you know that the other party’s child failed the college entrance examination this year, so the whole family is unhappy, you should comfort and enlighten the other party, explain the truth of "there is no name on the list, but there is a way under your feet", and give some examples of self-taught talents.If the other party’s child decides to take the exam again next year, and you have experience in self-study and college entrance examination, you can speak up and talk about the points that should be paid attention to in the college entrance examination review, and you can also provide some valuable reference books.On such occasions, one should avoid talking about the glory of being on the list.Even if your child is admitted to a famous university, it is not appropriate to publicize it, and you should not talk about it with joy, so as not to embarrass the other party.

◎Smile is the universal language of the world
Roman Rolland once said: "Expression is a language that has been successfully cultivated for centuries, and it is thousands of times more complicated than what is spoken." Expression is the most sensitive body language that expresses inner emotions. American scholar Davis In his monograph "How to Identify Body Language", he pointed out: "The total effect of information = 7% text + 38% voice + 55% expression." In fact, this is exactly the case, especially in the body language used by leaders. There is nothing better than this one.And, among all kinds of expressions, their favorite is to smile.When a smiling face is placed in front of subordinates and peers, they will almost immediately judge it as a friendly expression, and unless the background is extremely complicated, they will never try to figure it out carefully and study it repeatedly.This easy smile immediately brought the relationship between the two closer, reflecting the harmonious relationship between people.

Most leaders always like to smile, which tells people: "Come on, I'm a friend." (Of course, due to personality differences or other reasons, some leaders always have serious expressions, such as Charles de Gaulle.) Nietzsche thought that people laughed because it was the only way they could tolerate the hardships of life, but I don’t think any leader would think that.We need smiles in our life, and we also need smiles in our work. The former is for our own health, and the latter is for the hope of others.When you are in a meeting, in a report, or talking with your subordinates, use your sincere smile to hint or convey a small intention to the other party. If the other party can understand it immediately, they will definitely smile from their hearts.

However, it is not enough to just pay attention to the role of laughter. Two points should also be done: one is to laugh genuinely, not fake; the other is to grasp the timing and method of being funny.

As far as the first point is concerned, there are real smiles and fake ones. A real smile is almost uncontrollable, while a fake smile is a fake expression.Studies have shown that the first expressive feature of a real smile is a rapid grin of the lips, and the second feature is a short and rapid blink of the eyes immediately after the climax of the laugh.Those smiles that "come and go quickly" are not easy to arouse the satisfaction of the other party, so they are also unsuccessful.So don't laugh if you're not genuinely overwhelmed with joy, but that doesn't mean you have to grimace at work as if the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders.It should be precisely said that if you are not genuinely satisfied, don't smile.Leaders should also think about this before laughing, otherwise it will be counterproductive, which is never what we expect.

The second question is more important.The timing of laughing should be appropriate, and we should pay attention to choosing the timing, occasion and topic of laughing.Smile when you should laugh, and don't laugh when you shouldn't.On occasions of celebration, in a relaxed atmosphere, and in sincere and frank conversations, you should laugh; but you should not laugh when talking about a disease that is not getting better, talking with the family members of deceased colleagues, or talking about major mistakes and losses at work. smiling.Some people are used to being casual at ordinary times, so that when they attend the memorial service of colleagues in the unit, when they visit the graves of martyrs or pay homage to the remains of leaders, they are still laughing and laughing, which seems very inappropriate.In addition, to master the sense of humor.In daily conversation, the smile is mainly reflected naturally according to the relationship with the interlocutor, the content of the conversation, and the personality and habits of the interlocutor.

There are many ways to laugh, such as smiling, chuckling, and laughing.A smile is a toothless grin; a light smile shows the upper teeth showing and the mouth is slightly parted; a big smile shows the mouth is arched and the upper and lower teeth are visible.

Leaders generally use a smile as the keynote in their work conversations. A smile is a properly controllable smile that makes people feel kind, amiable, and civilized, and is an integral element of appearance.The facial muscles are easy to control when smiling, and the smile can be maintained for a long time.When you smile, you should be natural, generous, and moderate.That grinning grin, grinning grin, winking grin, coy grin will give people an unpleasant feeling and a bad impression.Therefore, a smile also reflects a person's level of cultural accomplishment.Leaders need to constantly improve the cultivation of cultural sentiments, so that smiles reflect a beautiful heart.Only a smile from the heart can infect the other party and produce an echo.Sneering, sneering, and gloating are all things that should be avoided as much as possible.

A smile conveys a message by laughing silently.As an expression, a smile is not only an external expression of the image, but also a reflection of the inner spirit of a person.Therefore, if a leader wants to be good at using a smile, he must pay attention to the main function of a smile: a smile can strengthen the function of verbal communication and enhance the communication effect; a smile can also be combined with other body language to replace the communication of verbal language. When visiting guests, as long as you smile and wave, it also has the effect of "welcome you", which will also make the guests feel warm and polite; in conversation, if you encounter something that is not easy to accept, shake your head while smiling, tactfully decline, will not embarrassing.

Smile is the most common language in the world. No matter where a person goes, as long as you smile, you will be welcomed by people.No one can easily reject a smiling face. A smile is the golden key to communication between two people. When speaking with a smile on your face, you can virtually shorten the inner distance between two people——smiling adds points to speaking.

◎What do you want to say to the other party

Harvard communication experts pointed out: If you have to make demands on others in a very short period of time when talking with them, and explain to the other party what kind of benefits they can get after doing so, you must not be mother-in-law. Don't get bogged down in trivial details, simply state your claim.

So how do you get your words to the point?

1. Say the gist with confidence

The so-called "point" is the ultimate goal you want to achieve when talking with the other party.In order to make the other party rely on you and have confidence in fulfilling your request or achieving a certain goal, you must speak up with confidence.The action requirements of the other party must be emphasized outright in an optimistic and firm tone.In order to get a better conversation result, you must not shrink back but be confident when speaking.For your sincere statement, the other party will definitely be moved, and take effective actions immediately for this, so as to achieve your requirements and goals.

2. Make the other party understand to take action

No matter what kind of problem you are explaining, your purpose is to express the main points of the problem and what action you want the other party to take in a simple and concise way so that the other party can easily understand, so that the other party can take action smoothly .In order to achieve this goal, the most appropriate way is to say the key parts in detail.

If you can specifically remind the other party of the key points of things and the main points of the problem when speaking, then it will be easier for you to talk to others and move the other party more easily than others. "Have you sent the business letter to the client?" is more effective than saying "go print the business letter to the client" to the subordinate indifferently.

Is it better to state the main points in a positive way or to state the main points in a negative way?This point is irrelevant, as long as you can describe your request clearly and express it accurately.But the decision must be made on the other side's side.

3. Concrete and brief narrative points
When you ask the other party to do something, you must describe it concisely, because the other party will only do what they understand.Since they are going to act on your words, you have to express yourself precisely and concisely.

◎Actively initiate a chat

Everyone in life is eager for friendship and hopes to have more friends.But friends are all developed from strangers, and quite a few friends meet by chance.In a beautiful scenic spot, in a bustling car or at a small party, you can get acquainted with others with a knowing smile, a few decent humorous words, and a polite gesture.The key is to find out the opportunity for communication, take the initiative to extend the hand of friendship, and open the door of the soul that is closed to strangers.

1. Arousing the other party's interest in the conversation is the key to smooth communication
Not all people are good at talking. Some people are reticent. Although they have the desire to talk, they don't know where to start.This requires one of them to change its attitude, take the lead in sending friendly signals to the other party, and arouse the other party's desire to talk, so as to achieve the purpose of communication.

If a topic of yours has aroused a strong interest in the other party, no matter how silent he is, he will make some remarks.Therefore, when you are stagnant in the conversation, you must try to find and constantly arouse the interest of the other party so that the conversation can continue.

2. Find topics to turn strangers into friends

When you compliment a parent about their child, or even express your interest in that child, the parent will soon become your friend.Give them a chance to talk about their children, and they will talk naturally and freely.

When meeting strangers, be a good listener, take the initiative to care about others, and stimulate their desire to talk by being generous and helpful.When they meet for the first time or are not familiar with each other, no one is willing to help strangers in difficulties, because they are afraid of not knowing the details of each other and causing trouble.There is certainly some truth in this kind of thinking, but it is precisely it that drives away the great opportunity to make friends.People who are good at communication don't think so. They think that it is convenient for them to be with others. Only by letting go of their worries and giving generously can they win the gratitude and favor of others-this is exactly a bridge to communicate feelings.

For those who are shy, the chatter should take the initiative to find topics to eliminate the tension of the other party.

When making friends, the emphasis is on communication.From strangers to friends, it takes in-depth communication to understand each other.

In order to achieve the effect of in-depth communication, it is necessary to stimulate the other party's desire to talk while mastering the art of conversation. Only in this way can we deepen our understanding of each other, move from unfamiliarity to familiarity, and then become friends.

◎Talk more about things that the other party is interested in
When you meet someone for the first time, you are unfamiliar with each other and you don’t know much about each other. It is inevitable that there will be a tense and dull atmosphere, so you must be cautious when you start speaking.So, how can we break the deadlock and quickly shorten the psychological distance between the two parties?
1. Do what you like

If people who meet for the first time can understand and use each other's interests and hobbies carefully, the distance between the two parties can be shortened, and the favorability of the other party can be deepened.For example, talk about health and longevity with middle-aged and elderly people, talk about children, weight loss, and pets that everyone cares about with young women. Even people who don't know themselves well can talk about news, books, etc.

2. Speak plainly
The famous writer Ding Maffei once said: "Try not to say far-reaching and novel words, and start the topic with the trivial things around you, which is the key to the success of interpersonal relationships." Just say something astonishing and surprising, It is easy to make people feel flashy and sharp.Most of the people who are loved and trusted are not those who are brilliant and win the love of others with amazing words.Especially for a beginner, it is best not to deliberately show your prominence, rather let the other party think you are a kind and ordinary person.Because, if you cannot be on the same basis with others from the beginning, it will be difficult for the other party to have a good impression of you.If you act like you're superior, others will treat you the same way.

3. Avoid denying the other person
Meeting for the first time is an important period to establish a good interpersonal relationship. On this occasion, the other party often cannot calmly listen to opinions, suggestions and make judgments, and is prone to resentment.At the same time, the person meeting for the first time is sometimes afraid that others will ask subtle questions to deny their point of view. Therefore, when meeting for the first time, try to avoid behaviors that deny the other party, so as to form a close interpersonal relationship.Of course, this does not prevent you from raising contrary opinions.You should try to avoid raising it in front of him as much as possible, or you can borrow the views of ordinary people and quote the views of a third party who was not there at the time, so that it will not cause reflexive rebuttals from the other party, and can also make the other party accept and treat you Make a good impression.

4. Attention to detail
In the occasion of meeting for the first time, if one party wants to end the topic, there will often be unconscious actions such as looking at the watch that are not easily noticed by the other party.Therefore, when you see the other person in the conversation suddenly looking anxiously at the watch, or looking at the sky and asking what time it is, you should end the conversation as soon as possible to let the other person know that you are not a mindless person.If you know and respect his ideas, you will surely leave a good impression on the other party.

5. Timely evaluation
Psychologists believe that people are such animals, they are often dissatisfied with their current situation, but they cannot change it, so they can only hold a fantasy image or hope in expectation.

In interpersonal communication, they very much hope that others will evaluate them well. For example, fat people want to look thinner, old people want to look younger, and people who are eager to be promoted look forward to the day when it will be realized.

6. Guide the other party to talk about proud things

There is something smug about anyone.However, no matter how proud and proud you are, if you don't ask others, you won't be interested in talking about it yourself.Therefore, if you can ask some questions just right, he will be pleased and open up to speak freely, and your relationship with him will also be harmonious.

7. Support each other with laughter

Be a loyal listener and reflect emotions in a timely manner, so that the other party can get rid of strangeness and tension, so as to discover their own strengths.In particular, it is necessary to play the role of laughter. Even if the other party’s joke is not very funny, you should support it with laughter. The effect may surprise you, because if both parties laugh at the same time, there will be a close friend like a close friend. atmosphere.

8. Care about each other
Showing that you care about the other party will definitely win the other party's favor.When entertaining others or taking the initiative to invite others to meet, you should collect more or less information about the other party in advance.This is not only a kind of politeness, but also can satisfy the other person's self-esteem and make him feel your sincerity and enthusiasm.Remembering what the other party said, and bringing it up as a topic later is also one of the ways to show concern.Especially interests, hobbies, dreams, etc., are the most important and interesting things for the other party. Once they are brought up as topics, the other party will definitely feel happy.

9. Ask the other person first
No matter what you do, seeking the other party's opinion in advance is a sign of respect for the other party.In dealing with a certain matter, the person with the highest status holds the right to choose at that time, and giving up the right to choose to the other party means respecting the other party.Moreover, no matter who you are, you want to be respected by others, and you will never be unhappy or impatient because of it.

10. Remember each other's "special day"

When you learn about the other party's wedding anniversary and birthday, write them down one by one. When that day arrives, call to congratulate them. Although it's just a phone call, it leaves a strong impression on the other party.Especially the anniversaries that I often forget, once it is mentioned by others, the joy in my heart is indescribable.

11. Choose a gift that pleases the other person’s family
As the saying goes, "shoot the man first, shoot the horse". When giving a gift, it is better to choose the gift that the family likes than the gift that the other party likes.Even if you choose a small gift for the other party's wife, her attitude towards you will change, and the children who receive the gift will regard you as a close friend, and you will be welcomed by the whole family.

12. Call each other by their first name

We are all used to calling each other by name directly between relatively close people, and calling each other by first name and last name, expressing that we don’t want to be too close to others. Therefore, calling each other by name directly can shorten the psychological distance and obtain unexpected Effect.

When meeting for the first time, you can talk more about things that the other party is interested in, express your respect and understanding for the other party, so as to win the other party's favor, shorten the distance between the two parties, and create a harmonious atmosphere for conversation.

◎It is reasonable to address others
Salutation refers to the terms of address that people use to each other in normal communication and entertainment.It is the "vanguard officer" of verbal communication.As the saying goes, "a good word is three springs warm", a proper address is like a greeting, so that the other party can get psychological satisfaction, smooth communication, and a successful relationship.On the contrary, inappropriate address will often cause the other party's unhappiness or even sullenness, put both parties in an awkward situation, and cause communication obstruction or even interruption.

It can be seen that whether the address is appropriate or not determines the success or failure of people's communication activities and the quality of management effects to a large extent.

Whether you are an ordinary person engaged in any occupation, or a leader or manager with a certain position, if you want to live a happy life and develop your career, you need to pay attention to the study of interpersonal address skills and strive to improve your own address art.

The important role of appellation in interpersonal communication and management activities has long been noticed by people.Social psychologists believe that an appropriate address can make people feel happy, enhance self-confidence, and help form intimate and harmonious interpersonal relationships, and good interpersonal relationships are an important condition for refreshing people's spirits, mental health and improving work efficiency. .Appropriate titles can shorten the psychological distance between people and make people feel comfortable.

So, what is the appropriate name?In fact, there is no uniform mode of calling.Different regions, different nationalities and different language traditions may have very different addressing habits; people with different occupations, positions, genders, and ages have different needs and expectations for addressing.This has resulted in the complexity and diversity of interpersonal address, increasing the difficulty of appropriate address.But there is one thing in common, that is, to treat others with respect and courtesy, so that the other party will have a sense of pride and satisfaction in their hearts, and in turn, the other party will be happy to contact you and communicate with you actively, which makes communication more effective. off to a good start.But this alone is not enough, and the following points should be paid attention to in the specific title:

1. Remember the other person's name
Names are not only a sign to distinguish oneself from others, but many people's names also embody the expectations of parents for their children.Everyone will value and cherish their own name because of the need for self-esteem, and at the same time, hope that others will remember and respect it.Therefore, when one's name is called by others, one thinks that one is respected, feels happy psychologically, and has a sense of intimacy with the person who calls one's name.At all times and in all over the world, some leaders, politicians and entrepreneurs know this kind of mood very well. When greeting people, they don't just say "Hello", but put the other person's name before or after "Hello". Played a very good psychological effect.This is why we are always so moved and admired by those who can still say our own name after a long absence.

2. Meet age status
The title must conform to the specific circumstances of the other party, such as age, gender, identity and occupation.You should be warm, courteous, and respectful to the elders; you should be sincere, natural, and friendly to your peers, showing your frankness; you should be kind and humble to young people, and express your love and concern; Those with high positions or titles should be called by their titles or titles.In short, be polite, express your sincerity and respect for the other party, and be neither humble nor overbearing.Do not use "Hello" or "Hey" to address people. At the same time, you should also refrain from bowing your head and saying compliments.

3. Be courteous and orderly
When greeting multiple people, if there are older people, young people or the opposite sex present in the group, you should pay attention to the order of addressing.Generally speaking, it should be grown up first and then young, up and down first, women before men, and it is advisable to get acquainted with each other after being sparse with husbands.The title can best express the speaker's moral cultivation, knowledge level and civilization, and also reflects his communication skills.Taking into account the difference between the senior and the young will make the elders feel respected and the young feel at ease; if the order is reversed, not only will the elders be dissatisfied, but also the person being addressed will feel embarrassed.Furthermore, attention should be paid to respecting women. When greeting a group of the same age and status, addressing women first will make the other party feel that you have a higher quality and be happy to associate with you.

What needs to be emphasized is that the above points are not isolated, but mutually restrictive and closely related. They jointly determine the appropriateness and degree of appellation from different aspects.In our daily life, we can only receive the most ideal address effect by analyzing the appellation needs of the addressee from various aspects and choosing appropriate address words according to the specific conditions of the addressee and the occasion of communication.

◎Introduce others in order and politely

Introduce others, that is, the way a third party introduces two parties who do not know each other.In interpersonal communication, we can always encounter opportunities to introduce others, so how can we satisfy both parties and achieve the desired effect?This is a seemingly simple question, but it is actually very difficult to do.

Introducing others should pay attention to the following 4 questions:
First of all, pay attention to the order and etiquette of the introduction.Under normal circumstances, the young and low-status are introduced to the older and high-status to show respect for the latter.The general sequence for introducing multiple people is:

1. For two people of different genders, under normal circumstances, the man should be introduced to the woman, such as: "Miss Li, this is Mr. Zhao, who just came from Hebei." If the man respects the woman, the woman should be introduced to the man: "Ms. Zhao, this is Miss Li from Harbin..."

2. For two people with different seniority and positions, the young, low-ranking, and low-known person should be introduced to the older, high-ranking, and well-known person.For example: "Mr. Wang, this is Xiao Chen from the × newspaper office, Mr. Chen."

3. When introducing a couple to others, under normal circumstances, the husband should be mentioned first, and then the wife.

4. In peer gatherings, unmarried people should be introduced to married people, and those they are familiar with should be introduced to those they are not familiar with.

5. When guests visit at home, they should first introduce the guests to the family members, and then introduce the family members to the guests one by one.When introducing, the relationship and name of the person to be introduced should be clearly stated, and at the same time, it is better to be able to briefly point out their hobbies and characteristics. This will give the guests a pleasant and friendly feeling, and also show the harmony and fun of the family.

Secondly, the body language should be natural and coordinated when introducing.During the introduction, you should generally stand up, smile on your face, pay attention to etiquette, and signal with your palm facing upwards, and you must not use your index finger to point.

Thirdly, the amount of information in the introductory language should be moderate, not too lengthy, just enough to draw out topics for the two parties to chat.

Finally, the introduction should be warm and elegant, and must not hurt the self-esteem of the person being introduced.The purpose of introduction is to connect feelings, harmonize the atmosphere, and establish a communication relationship. Therefore, the words of the introduction should be enthusiastic, and should not be cold, let alone damage the dignity of the person being introduced.

John Mason Brown is a writer and speaker. Once he was invited to give a speech somewhere, and was introduced by the conference moderator as follows:
"Attention, gentlemen. I have bad news for you this evening. We would have invited Iseka F. Maxson to speak to us, but he was unable to come, ill. (Audience below Booing) Then we asked Senator Bradridge to come, but he was too busy. (Booing) Finally, we tried to get Dr. Roy Grigan of Kansas City, also without success. (Booing) So, we ended up with—John Mason Brown. (Silence)"

The original intention of this introduction was not to belittle Mr. Brown, but it stabbed his self-esteem time and time again.There are two reasons for such mistakes and bad results: one is that the introducer reported the process of organizing this event, which is completely unnecessary, and this effect has been produced objectively; Or did not consider such questions at all: how to respect the speaker?How do you make your hard-earned speaking engagement a success?Therefore, in a sense, the introduction is the manifestation of the introducer's knowledge level, organizational ability and expressive ability.

Once, a university invited Zheng Yuzhi, who played Empress Dowager Cixi in the drama "Guangxu Coup", to give a speech.The host introduced her like this: "Students, today we managed to invite 'Lafayette Empress Dowager Cixi' here. (Applause, laughter, the audience's emotions warmed up) 'Lafayette' Comrade Zheng Yuzhi was domineering on stage The emperor, eunuchs, and ministers all kowtowed and knelt down when they saw each other, but they were amiable and sincere in the audience. She just talked to me about it, and she also played the role of the imperial concubine in "The King of Qin Li Shimin" and the drama "Sun Yat-sen" Soong Ching Ling in the movie. How did she play these completely different characters vividly? Please listen to her speech below. (The audience stares at the rostrum and applauds enthusiastically)”

This introductory speech is both humorous and humorous, with prominent features, clear organization and clear themes. It enthusiastically compares Zheng Yuzhi herself with the characters she plays, and clearly explains the theme of her speech.

◎ A few words and become good friends with strangers

Carnegie, the master of interpersonal relationship, said in summarizing communication skills and strategies that the best way to talk with someone you just met is to try to talk from one topic to another. If a topic doesn’t work, try again One.Or when it's your turn to talk, talk about things you've done or thought about, travel plans, or other topics you've talked about.Don't panic about a moment of silence, just let it pass.Conversation is not a race, don't run like a race to the finish line.

When you find yourself sitting next to a stranger at a party, it's a good idea to introduce yourself before you start "fishing" and start a conversation in a variety of ways.If you're a very shy person, you can have topics in your head before you go to the party.If someone has already told you something about him, you can say, "I know your team won the final last week, it must have been great." If you don't know anything about him, you can say, "You Is it a local, or a foreigner?" and so on, from his answer you can start the conversation.You can ask him where he lives, what occupation he does, etc.Very simple, pay attention to giving him the opportunity to speak.

Another important (and immediate) opener is to ask for advice.It's safe to ask him about anything: politics, sports, the stock market, fashion and local news, but not topics that have already been asked or will be debated.

To start a conversation with a stranger, learn to actively guide the stranger.Only when one party takes the initiative can the communication continue. Of course, if you are a shy person, you must be brave. Maybe you have opened a door, and you will be greeted with a beautiful scenery. All you have to do is to open the door. It's just a door.

When meeting for the first time, due to the differences in people's personalities, their performances are also different.Some people are shy by nature and don't like to talk with strangers; some people have the desire to talk, but feel unable to talk, can't find a common topic, and have no way to talk.They are either cramped and embarrassed; or they hesitate to speak, but cannot complete a sentence; or they speak bluntly and are misunderstood... The reason for this phenomenon is that they lack the courage and skills to talk to strangers.

Be full of confidence before talking with people, and believe that you can talk freely; then find a common topic suitable for both parties, and you can make the conversation harmonious and comfortable.A good topic is the medium for initial conversations between the two parties, the basis for in-depth discussions, and the beginning of indulgent conversations.

May wish to chat from aspects such as weather, hometown, interests and clothing.In this way, it is not easy to touch the sensitive part of the other party's feelings, and it is not easy to cause the other party's resentment and embarrassment.

When meeting for the first time, finding a suitable topic can not only eliminate each other's tension and strangeness, but sometimes it can also bring you unexpected results and gains.

The most important thing in talking with strangers is to be able to find common ground as soon as possible.How can you find the common ground between the person you meet for the first time and yourself?

1. Observe words and feelings, and look for common ground
A person's psychological state, spiritual pursuit, life hobbies, etc., are more or less expressed in their clothing, expressions, conversations, manners, etc.As long as you are good at observation, you will find that you have something in common.You have to find something in common with your own interests and hobbies from the things you discover through observation.It is only possible to break the silence if you yourself are interested in it.Otherwise, even if you find something in common, you will have nothing to say, or you will be "stuck" after a few sentences.

2. Use words to test and detect common ground
When strangers meet, some start with a greeting, some start with an action, while helping the other party with something urgently needed, while probing with words; some start a conversation by borrowing books and newspapers.Start with a few tentative words, or ask, or talk about your feelings about something, so as to observe the other person's reaction, you can know whether you and the other person have something in common.

3. Listen to people's introductions and guess what they have in common
When you visit a friend’s house and meet a stranger present, as the host, he will immediately introduce you, explaining the stranger, your relationship with the host, their respective identities, work units, and even personality traits and hobbies.Careful people can immediately find out what the other party has in common with themselves from the introduction.

4. Study the conversation and explore common ground
If you want to find the common ground between a stranger and yourself, you can listen carefully to the conversation between the other party and others and analyze and figure it out carefully.By carefully pondering the conversation of the other party, you can find out the common ground between the other party and you, so that strangers can become acquaintances, and then develop into friends.

5. Step by step, dig out the common ground
It is not too difficult to find common ground, but this is not only needed in the initial stage of the conversation. If you want to communicate deeply with the other party, you also need to seek more common ground between the two parties.As the content of the conversation deepens, you will find that there will be more and more common ground between you.In order to make the conversation more beneficial to the other party, you have to dig out the deep common ground step by step to get what you want.

There are many ways to find common ground in conversation and communication, such as common living environment, common work tasks, common travel direction, common living habits, etc.As long as you carefully look for the common ground between the two parties, it is not difficult to break the situation where you have nothing to say to strangers.

◎ Step by step, lead the chat to a climax

When chatting with people, some people often rack their brains to think of some very level words to show their abilities.However, if you don't take into account the feelings of the other party, what will the other party do in your strong mood?Of course he is not to be outdone, and will work harder than you to find some more level words.After he finds out, what should you do?Do you have to search your brains again to find very good words?In this cycle, you are not talking, but fighting wits.

In a conversation, too strong language sometimes creates pressure on the other party, making it difficult to continue the chat.For this, you need to do the following:
1. "Warm up" for the conversation

In fact, it is not difficult to have a conversation.A few brief pleasantries between strangers can spark conversation.Everyone can be banal, and everyone can be involved in short conversations, talking about things that are neither witty nor meaningful.However, this short conversation is very necessary for the smooth start of the formal conversation.

The purpose of initiating a conversation is to let the other party speak, and avoid leading the conversation into a dead end.If you can't say something like "The weather is really nice today!", you should ask the other party: "What work do you do?" "No" dismisses you.

Be prepared to go through a "warm-up" phase when starting to communicate.It's not wise to jump into a meaningful conversation without thinking, and don't expect to start off like meeting old friends.A short conversation can not only trigger a conversation for you, but also can be used to warm up for further communication and guide the other party to be fully prepared for further conversation.Then observe the interest of others in this conversation.It's like lighting a bonfire, don't expect to start with a torch, just a small match.Just the right way, this little match can make a campfire burn...

2. Talk more about things that the other party is interested in during the conversation

Special attention should be paid to not taking it too lightly during the conversation. The art of becoming a good communicator does not depend too much on how smart you are or how tortuous your experience is, but on being good at inspiring and inducing others to speak .To be a good communicator, you must avoid self-centeredness in your conversations.People are often only interested in themselves, their jobs, their families, their hometowns, their ideals from beginning to end.In fact, even asking a simple question like "what do you do for work" sends a signal to others that you are interested in him, and the result is bound to make others interested in you.

Before asking this simple question, you just need to ask yourself a question in your heart: "What do I want to get through talking?" Sign it, and get his permission and kindness?
The mistake that many people tend to make when chatting with others is to talk about things they are interested in instead of talking about things that others are interested in.When you talk about the things you are interested in, although you are happy, others may not be happy, so how can you ask others to do things, ask others for help, and how can you achieve the purpose of your conversation?
Dibano runs New York's most famous bread company, Dibano's.His clients span New York City and the surrounding area.But Dibano found that a large restaurant in New York hadn't ordered bread from his company.In order to conquer this most stubborn fortress in the bread market, Dibano must visit the president of the Grand Hotel once a week for four years, and often attend his meetings in person, and even stay in the Grand Hotel as a guest.On the frontal offensive, on the sidelines, Dibano exhausted all the marketing tricks, but the big hotel is still unmoved.Dibano made up his mind and would never give up until he achieved his goal.Suddenly, Dibano had an inspiration. He thought that he should change the strategy he used before and began to investigate the interests of the president of this big hotel.

Soon, Dibano discovered that the president of the Grand Hotel is a member of the American Hotel Association, and because of the enthusiasm of the Association, he also served as the president of the association. As long as it is a meeting held by the Hotel Association, no matter where it is held, the president of the hotel They must all go by plane.

The next day, when Dibano went to visit the president of the Grand Hotel, he brought up the hotel association as a topic, which really aroused his interest.His eyes were shining, and he talked excitedly with Dibano about the association for an hour, and repeatedly narrated the endless fun that this association brought him.He is also planning to expand the internal organization, and strongly invites Dibano to participate.

When Dibano talked to the president of the Grand Hotel, he didn't mention bread at all.A few days later, a call came from the restaurant's purchasing department, asking Dibano to send the bread samples and price list immediately.Dibano was a little overjoyed, and rushed to the hotel after preparing his things.

Before getting down to business, the manager of the purchasing department said to Dibano with a smile: "Mr. Dibano, I really can't figure out what trick you used to make my boss appreciate you so much." Thinking that the Dibano Bread Company is not unknown, I have sold bread to the president of this big hotel for 4 years, but I have not sold even a grain of bread crumbs.Now, I just expressed my concern about what he cares about, and the situation has changed like this.Dibano thought, if he still didn't find out what the president of this big hotel was really interested in and cared about, he might still be chasing after him now!
◎Super Chat: How to say is more important than what to say
When chatting with people, how you say it is more important than what you say.

1. Speak slowly

When encountering urgent matters, if you can calm down and think, and then explain things clearly without rushing, you will leave the listener with a steady and unimpulsive impression, thereby increasing the trust of others in you.

2. Small things, said with humor

Especially some kind reminders, using a joke to tell them will not make the listener feel blunt, they will not only accept your reminder, but also enhance the intimacy of each other.

3. Speak carefully when you are not sure
If you don't say anything about the things you are not sure about, others will think you are hypocritical; if you can say it carefully, it will make people feel that you are a trustworthy person.

4. Don’t talk nonsense about what hasn’t happened
People most hate people who do nothing. If you never speculate or talk nonsense about nothing, it will make people feel that you are mature, well-trained, serious and responsible.

5. Don't talk nonsense about things that can't be done

As the saying goes, "If you don't have diamonds, don't engage in porcelain work."Reluctant to promise what you can't do will make the listener feel that you are a person who "trusts what you say and what you do," and is willing to believe in you.

6. Things that hurt people can’t be said

Do not use words to hurt others easily, especially among those who are close, and do not say harm to others.This will make them feel that you are a kind person, which helps to maintain and enhance relationships.

7. Don’t just talk about the sad things

When people are sad, they all have the desire to confide, but if you tell everyone you see, it is easy to put too much psychological pressure on the listener, causing suspicion and alienation towards you.At the same time, you will also give the impression that you are not considerate of others and want to pass the pain on to others.

8. Other people's business, say it carefully

There is a need for a safe distance between people, and not easily commenting and spreading other people's affairs will give people a sense of security in communication.

9. Do your own business, listen to what others say

You should listen to the views of outsiders more about your own affairs. First, it can give people the impression of being humble; second, it will make people feel that you are a reasonable person.

10. When it comes to elders, listen more and talk less

Older people often don't like young people to make too many comments on their own affairs. If young people say too much, they think you are not a person who respects elders and is humble and studious.

(End of this chapter)