Psychology and Mind Mastery: The Secret to Mastering Others
Chapter 3 Identifying the Weakness of Human Nature
Chapter 3 Identifying the Weakness of Human Nature
◆Why is it that a young man who sells cars can get people who originally rejected him to contact him and ask to buy a car?
◆Why would a talkative girl choose a talkative man instead of a handsome talkative man with a rich family?
◆Why did the colleagues try to do everything possible to sign the contract but couldn't succeed, but some of them only took two days to get everything done?
◆Why does the salesman who doesn't pay attention to anyone and dismisses him only look at him with admiration?
◆Why can a humorous child relax a lot?
◆Why are those masters who are often angry and furious but can't stand the knife of "gentleness"?
Rebound Pipa Effect:
For those who are rebellious, you may wish to use the art of rebounding the pipa
Mr. Lin is a well-known wealthy businessman in the local area, and his stubborn temper, which always likes to contradict others, is also well-known in the local area.Recently, his car was about to be scrapped, and the car salesmen were all aiming at this piece of fat, eager to win over him as a big customer.
As a result, car salesmen sold cars to him one after another.Some said: "Our products are the best in the world." Some said: "Your car is too old, it's time to replace it with a new one." This product is too inappropriate." Although he wanted to change the car very much, he felt very impatient when he heard the salesmen say that.
One day, a young man also came to sell cars.As a result, Mr. Lin's rebellious psychology began again before the young people entered the door.He thought, you must be like those guys, selling cars to me, so I won't be fooled by you, and you even have the mentality of, I'll just see how you make a fool of yourself.But this salesman did not directly suggest Mr. Lin to buy his own products like those salesmen before, nor did he directly say that his car was unusable, but just said sincerely: "Sir, although your car is old, A little bit, but at least it can be used for half a year. It would be a pity to change the car now, you can change it in a few months! This is my phone number, and you can contact me when you need to change the car.” As a result, a week later , Mr. Lin bought a new car from him.
Why did so many people fail to sell cars to Mr. Lin, but the young man succeeded in the end?From the entire sales situation, it is not difficult to find that the success of the last salesman is that he knows how to grasp Mr. Lin’s weakness of contradictory and rebellious psychology, and then uses a technique of rebounding the pipa to effectively control , Controlled Mr. Lin.
So, why do you need to use the art of bouncing the pipa for people like Mr. Lin?This is because people like Mr. Lin have a strong rebellious psychology, and the most direct manifestation of rebellious psychology is that they are unwilling to cooperate with others, let alone listen to other people's opinions.For example, in life, it is mainly manifested in the reverse thinking of not agreeing with and distrusting other people's opinions; not accepting or accepting other people's opinions; doubting some things for no reason, or even adopting a fundamentally negative attitude...
In addition, most people with a rebellious mentality do not stubbornly want to sing against others, but most of the time it is a mental state in which they adopt opposite attitudes and words and deeds to the other party's requirements in order to maintain their self-esteem.For example, there are often a handful of teenagers who are "not taught" and "disobedient", and often "resist" and "contradict" their parents and teachers.In fact, the reason why they have such behaviors that run counter to common sense is that most of the time they feel that teachers or parents do not respect them enough, such as forcing them to study, forcing them to do things that they don't like or are not interested in...
And the best way to deal with such rebellious people is undoubtedly to adopt the art of rebounding the pipa.The so-called technique of rebounding the pipa actually expresses such a psychological result: support one kind of action, but in the end persuade the other party to take the opposite action, that is, you can say the opposite, and use it to control others better. , Control others.The one who uses this method better is the former Soviet psychologist Platunov. In order to effectively sell his books, he specifically reminded readers not to Read the story in Section 8 of Chapter 8 first.Most readers take the opposite approach to the admonition and turn to Chapter [-], Section [-] first.In fact, he made good use of the art of bouncing the pipa.
In life, if you want to use this technique of rebounding the pipa well, you must first understand the reasons for the rebellious psychology, and then you can implement the technique of rebounding the pipa in a targeted manner.
Rebellion is often linked with curiosity
In life, we often find this phenomenon: Sometimes the more we can’t get something, the more we want to get it; the more inaccessible something, the more we want to get in touch;The reason for this phenomenon is that curiosity is at work.The more curious people are, the more obvious this is.Therefore, when using the technique of rebounding the pipa, you might as well use it more for those who are curious.For example, when you want a curious person to understand what you mean, then you may wish to deliberately cover up and whet his appetite when telling your point of view, so as to better stimulate his rebellious psychology.In this way, under the control of curiosity and rebellious psychology, the other party will keep thinking about what you mean, and this is actually what you want.
Opposition emotions are the mirror of the rebellious mind
In life, we will also find this type of person, that is, they like to confront and do things against others.For example, sometimes people around say: "This book is really good." He will probably say: "What a treat!" People around will say: "This idea is good." He will probably say: "I don't like it. !”… In fact, this kind of person is a typical person with opposite emotions, that is to say, he always has such a rebellious habit in his mind. He doesn’t approve or like what others say, and sometimes even does the opposite.
For this kind of person, if you "speak hard" and "thousands of words", he may be indifferent, let alone listen to your opinions and viewpoints, do things according to your thinking, and even think that you are hypocritical and critical.But if you do it directly in reverse, reverse thinking to speak, convey, and persuade, the result may be more effective with less effort.
·The law of mind control·
If people want to use this technique of rebounding the pipa well, they must first understand the reasons for the generation of rebellious psychology, and then they can implement the technique of rebounding the pipa in a targeted manner.Most of the time, most people with rebellious psychology often have strong curiosity and oppositional emotions.Therefore, for people with these two personality tendencies, you might as well use more techniques of rebounding the pipa.
Inspiration from Dripping Water Wears Through Rock:
For people with a bad temper, you must know how to "conquer rigidity with softness"
Recently, Lin Lin quarreled with her husband again.So, she cried to her best friend: When I first met him, I just thought he had a bad temper.As an only child, she has a bit of a temper, and so do I, so I didn't pay much attention to it.But now I realize that he is too irritable, and he doesn't do things right. I always like to scold him.But he was lucky, not only did not listen, but lost his temper at every turn.Every time he lost his temper, I couldn't control my temper, and the quarrel broke out as soon as the anger came up.In fact, when we quarreled with him, we just wanted to suppress his spirit in a tough way, so as not to be more arrogant in the future.But the result is: we will always quarrel, and the conflicts are getting bigger and bigger. I really don't know how to get along with my grumpy husband.
Why can't Lin Lin control her husband well?This is because for a person with a bad temper like her husband, the method she uses is not appropriate: she always feels that when she gets along with him, she can restrain his temper by being tough; Fighting, let alone being afraid of conflicts, when his temper flares up, he yells at him, thinking that this will calm the other party, and he will not dare to do it next time.
In fact, for those grumpy people, the more you have a tough attitude and get along with them in a tough way, the more often their grumpy temper will break out.Because a person with a bad temper has an impulsive element in his personality.When you communicate or get along with them in a strong way of speaking or getting along with them, it is bound to easily trigger their irritable factors, and then their irritable temper will start to break out.They will not be as friendly to you as they were at the beginning, and it will be really difficult for you to control them.
So, how should we get along with and live better with grumpy people?In this regard, psychology believes that for grumpy people, the most unbearable thing for them is to use toughness to control toughness, because they have toughness in their character, so they are not afraid of this.On the contrary, they will appear at a loss for gentle things.This tells us that we might as well use some gentle techniques for this kind of people, because softness can overcome rigidity.
In this regard, psychologists have also used the phenomenon of dripping water to penetrate rocks to vividly illustrate this truth: a thick stone is placed on the ground, and you hit it with a heavy hammer, it may not penetrate them. , but a gentle drop of water, persevering for a long time, can penetrate it.Why can a rock that cannot be shaken by a powerful hammer be conquered by a drop of water?In fact, this is the power of softness.
Living in the vast world, everyone has to deal with all kinds of people, and in the process of dealing with and getting along with people, it is inevitable to encounter the kind of bad temper Lord, I can't avoid meeting those quick-tempered people... In fact, people like them have a common characteristic, that is, they take soft things and don't take tough ones.
What should we do about those who are soft but not hard?In fact, overcoming rigidity with softness is a very good method.But to truly overcome rigidity with softness, one needs to master specific methods, in order to get twice the result with half the effort, and it is easier to control and control others.Some specific methods are introduced as follows:
A kind-hearted attitude is a kind of "soft" strategy
In life and work, we can't avoid the fact that our own opinions are contrary to those of others, and we can't avoid the time when we need to say something to others or explain something... At this time, if the other party is a grumpy person, Then you have to be extra careful when you talk about things and opinions with him.Because for those grumpy people, if your tone is a little harder or your voice is louder, it may trigger their grumpy temper, which will make you unable to control the situation and control the other party more effectively. According to your will to do things.
But if you patiently explain and analyze them with good words, I believe that they feel a little impatient and even want to lose their temper, which will hinder your good-spoken attitude, control yourself, and treat you Courtesy three points.At this time, it is your chance to control others and control such people.
When the other party's temper comes up, don't go up against the wind
In life, when many people have conflicts and conflicts with grumpy people, not only will they not avoid the limelight, but they will stand up to the wind, and sometimes even show the meaning of fighting against them.
If you do, it means you are not smart enough.Because for those of you who have a bad temper, the best thing you can do when their temper flares up is to get your emotions under control.You know, by this time they were already a little overheated and out of control.If you can't control it, the conflict will escalate, and your communication will definitely end in a fierce argument or even a quarrel, and you will no longer be able to control and control the other party.
Instead of this, it's better to wait for them to calm down, and then you can combine your own ideas and communicate with them.I believe that no matter how irritable a person is, he will feel a little guilty for your tolerance, and then control his emotions intentionally or unintentionally in the following exchanges, and you will have an effective tool to control him.
·The law of mind control·
For grumpy people, the most unbearable thing for them is to use force to control force.Because their characters are inherently tough, and they are not afraid of this.On the contrary, they will appear at a loss for gentle things.This tells people that it is advisable to use some gentle techniques for such people, because softness can overcome rigidity.
Complementary Psychology:
Big talkers like to be friends with "listeners"
Mingming graduated from university. She is an extroverted, cheerful girl who likes to talk and laugh. She is beautiful and deeply loved by people around her.As a result, her parents, relatives and friends introduced boyfriends to her one after another.Among these men, whether they are handsome, wealthy, or highly educated, they all have one thing in common, that is, they are talkative, but they are all rejected one by one under the premise that they obviously don't like them.
Later, her parents finally knew that she had someone she liked and was dating, so they urged her to take it home quickly so that she could see it for herself.But just when her parents, relatives and friends thought that she would bring back a man who was more eloquent and cheerful than her, she brought a man who liked to be silent at home.Mom asked Mingming incomprehensibly, usually you like to talk so much, and talk about things you are interested in, why do you like such a person who is not good at talking?Mingming said without hesitation: "Because I like talking so much, I want to find someone who can listen to me." Mingming's answer made her mother stunned, and she didn't know what to say for a while.
My mother and relatives and friends introduced so many talkative boyfriends to Mingming, but none of them succeeded. From the conversation between Mingming and my mother later, it is not difficult to find the reason: because she is talkative, she doesn’t want to find someone who is too talkative. Men be boyfriends.
So, why is there such a mentality?In fact, this is the complementary psychology in psychology at work.The so-called complementary psychology simply means: when people get along with each other, they will look for things that they don't have but what the other party has, and what they are not good at but the other party is good at, as a point of attraction, and then associate with them.Because these things that you don't own the other party will have a strong attraction, attracting two people together.This statement is not difficult to understand, for example, in couples, you will often find that the protective half will often associate with the protective partner; in friends, the reserved personality will associate with the extrovert; Among colleagues, an extremely loud person can get along well with a silent colleague...
With these phenomena, it is not difficult for us to understand why Mingming chooses a silent man as a relationship partner: it is precisely because such a talkative person cannot keep silent, so she yearns for silence and is more willing to accept and listen to others. People who talk to themselves.
The reason for this is that most people who are boastful and like to talk often have this kind of mentality: when they are friends with the listener and get along with the person who likes to listen, they can vent their distress, and at the same time the other person can express themselves in the same way. Share your troubles while listening, which will help you express your true inner intentions.On the contrary, I am a talkative person myself and don't like to listen to others.If you continue to communicate and get along with someone who is eloquent, then the other party's speech will inevitably become a psychological burden on you, and you will feel embarrassed or unhappy, so you will not want to associate with him.
Since boastful people may not like the same type of talkers, but prefer to communicate with listeners, then when controlling and controlling others, we can regard it as an effective tool and prescribe the right medicine, so that we can get twice the result with half the effort , Immediate effect, but at the same time should also master the corresponding precautions.
To be a "listener", let the other party perceive your "listening"
When dealing with talkative people, we need to be a listener.But listening here does not mean not speaking or not responding. In fact, it is combined with corresponding body language to speak less.That is to say, when the other party is talking, you have to respond from time to time to let the other party perceive that you are listening to him and listen carefully, so that you can more easily control the other party and control the other party.For example, when you want a talkative colleague to do something, even though you feel impatient when he talks about trivial matters at home when you meet, you should still respond with a smile from time to time, sometimes even nod and agree. A few words can also convey the message that you are listening to him.In this way, he tends to feel extra pleasant and more willing to associate with you.When a person is willing to communicate with you, you have achieved a key step in controlling him and controlling him.
"Listening" requires full attention
If you want to win the heart of the bombast, you must first pay attention when listening.When you concentrate on listening to the other party's conversation, you can clarify the other party's thinking, effectively understand the meaning of the other party's words, and then be more able to match their preferences and make them happy.Under the influence of pleasant emotions, a person is more likely to accept information from the outside world, that is to say, it is easier to be controlled and controlled by us.
In addition, when you concentrate on listening to the talker, you can also capture relevant information from it, and then make good use of it, transform it into the information you need, and use this information to guide the other party toward yourself. Develop in the direction envisioned, which is also convenient for controlling others.
·The law of mind control·
Most people who talk a lot and like to talk often have this kind of mentality: when they are friends with the listener and get along with the person who likes to listen, they can vent their distress.At the same time, the other party can share their troubles while listening, which is conducive to expressing their true inner intentions, and they are more willing to associate with such people.And this is undoubtedly a warning to people: To control and control the bombast, you must first learn to be a qualified listener.
Save face effect:
People who always reject you need some excessive requests to stimulate
As an insurance salesman, Zhan Ning once had this experience: that year, their company found a customer with great potential. Several salesmen tried to sell insurance, but were rejected by the customers one by one.Later, Zhan Ning was responsible for the sales. After careful consideration, he did not use the usual method, but changed a sales method, conquered this customer, and successfully got him to buy his own insurance.In the future sales, this method has also become a magic weapon for his continuous success.Janning's approach is as follows:
Jenning: "Hello! I'm a salesman for a health insurance company. Have you considered buying insurance?"
Potential customer: "I don't need an insurance salesman."
Zhan Ning: "Then can you spare some time to listen to relevant knowledge about insurance?"
Prospect: "I'm busy."
Jenning: "I won't take a lot of your time, just a few minutes. Don't you want to take a few minutes to find out what you don't know?"
Prospect: "Oh! So can you tell me..."
So, Zhan Ning began to explain: "Insurance is a... The question you ask should be..." As a result, Zhan Ning told this potential customer a lot of insurance knowledge, the benefits of buying insurance, and the procedures for buying insurance.In the end, he did not forget to add a sentence: "I hope my explanation can give you a new understanding of insurance. If you still don't understand or understand anything, please contact me. This is my Business card." A week later, the potential customer took the initiative to call Janning and said, "I think it is necessary to buy insurance."
The cleverness of Zhan Ning is that for those customers who always reject him, he knows how to use the face-saving effect in psychology to serve himself.The so-called face-saving effect, simply put: before making your own real request to others, first make a big request to others, and after the other person refuses, then make your own real and relatively small request, the possibility of others agreeing to your request will increase.
In order to effectively verify the effectiveness of this strategy, the famous psychological researcher Cialdini conducted such an experiment in 1975: He asked relevant personnel to collect donations, and when they collected donations, they were divided into two groups and used different methods. way.
When the first group raises donations from others, they will say the last sentence: "Even if you donate a penny, it is also a contribution to charity." When the second group raises funds from others , just asking everyone to donate to charity.The end result was that the first group made more than twice as much money as the second group.
From this experiment, it is not difficult to see that making a request first and then making a small request is often more acceptable than making a direct request.So why do people use this method when dealing with and trying to master someone who is always rejecting themselves?This is because when you make a big request, others will instinctively reject you, and once they reject you, they will feel a little guilty.At this time, when you make another relatively small request, even if the other party does not want to accept it, it will be too embarrassing to refuse directly because it will save face for you and yourself.So, I accepted your request with the best of both worlds.And when a person accepts your request, you also control him.
In addition, when you first make an excessively large request and then make a smaller request, it will give the other party the illusion that the request you make later seems to be "insignificant" and "not worth rejecting." "Yes, but for requests that are insignificant and not worth refusing, if you refuse them again, it seems too unreasonable and unreasonable.Therefore, psychologically, it will first be accepted safely.
Knowing people's psychology, you must learn to use this strategy flexibly when controlling and controlling others.That is to say, when you are controlling the other party, if you know that the other party may reject your request or always reject your request, you must learn to use a little face-saving effect: first make an excessive request, and then Make a real request.The specific methods and precautions are as follows:
The two requests should be in stark contrast
We all may have experienced this: on the street, when someone directly asks you for 20 yuan and you refuse, and then asks for 18 yuan, you may still feel that this is a lot in your heart, and then refuse the other party again.However, if the other party asks you for 100 yuan directly, and then asks you for 18 yuan, you will find that you will not hesitate, and even throw 18 yuan to the other party casually.
This tells us that when facing someone who may reject you, or even always rejects you, even if you use the method of asking too much to stimulate the other party, you must be good at forming a sharp contrast.Because it is easier for the other party to realize the huge difference between the two different requests, which will cause huge psychological changes, and it will be easier to accept your subsequent request.
The second requirement must be less than the first requirement
Although for those who always reject your request, it is easier to control and control the other party by making excessive requests, but when controlling, you must also pay attention: the second request must be smaller than the first request, so that It is easier to influence the other party, agree to your request, and accept your ideas.Let’s say you borrow money from a friend. When you borrow money from a friend, if you suddenly say to borrow 2000, the friend will probably refuse you without hesitation due to various factors.But if you then say to your friend, "It's okay to borrow 500", most of your friends will feel this change and the concession you made, and will be more willing to lend you money.On the contrary, if you ask to borrow 500 at once, the other party will agree to your request, and may not be so willing.
·The law of mind control·
When you make a big request, others will instinctively reject you.And once they reject you, they will feel a little guilty.At this time, when you make another relatively small request, even if the other party does not want to accept it, it will be too embarrassing to refuse directly because it will save face for you and yourself.So, I accepted your request with the best of both worlds.And when a person accepts your request, you also control him.
Vanity:
Let those who love vanity taste the taste of winning
Da Wang is the person in charge of a certain department of a company and often has to deal with customers.Once, the company encountered a big customer who loved vanity.The boss decided to let the king go to receive the other party, and told him that he must win the project in the hands of the client.
At first, the colleagues thought that it would take some setbacks, but what everyone didn't expect was that the king only took two days to get the contract.A colleague asked about the secret, and the king said: "It's very simple, doesn't he love vanity, then I will let him experience the taste of winning and satisfy his vanity. For example, when drinking, it is better to pretend to be drunk than to be drunk." Let him get drunk; when guessing punches, it is better to lose a few punches than to win a few punches; he can play mahjong, I will try to let him win... When we meet the next day, let me say a few more words, your drinking capacity You are so big, I drank too much yesterday; your boxing skills are really high, it is difficult to guess; your mahjong is really good, I am not an opponent at all... Think about it, the other party loves vanity so much, and you keep fighting. Use the winning method to let him experience the satisfaction brought by this kind of vanity. Can he not be beautiful, unhappy or unhappy? And once the other party is happy and happy, then what can you not do? conditions for a deal?"
Your Majesty's words are correct.When you deal with those who love vanity, instead of begging them to do things for you or persuading them to do something with earnest words and words, it is better to find a suitable opportunity and let them experience the feeling of winning and be satisfied. Their vanity makes it easier to control each other.
For those who love vanity, the reason why we have to deal with them by letting them win is because letting them win, to a certain extent, can let them taste the taste of victory, and then satisfy their vanity.And most people who love vanity will feel happy once their vanity is satisfied.And when a person is dominated by positive emotions such as joy, happiness, and happiness, he is often more willing to accept the information put forward by the people around him, and he is more inclined to accept the opinions of the people around him.Therefore, at this time, we can effectively control the development of others in the direction we imagined.
In addition, people who love vanity have a notable characteristic, that is, they like to exaggerate their own advantages or benefits, and then show them off in order to gain the envy of others.And when you let him experience the taste of winning in a certain aspect or on a certain occasion, it will undoubtedly give the other party a chance to show off to you.No matter how willingly you accept his showing off and satisfy his vanity of showing off, he will naturally be so happy from ear to ear, and will be more willing to get along with you.
Since people who love vanity have such a psychology, then smart people can take corresponding methods according to their psychological characteristics and effectively serve themselves.
Let people win, but also make people feel that it is a real win
In order to let others taste the taste of winning, many times, we need to borrow various opportunities to deliberately lose to the other party.For example, if you bet on something together, you must deliberately lose to him; or when talking about something together, you must intentionally let others take a few steps.But even though you take the initiative to lose to the other party, the loss must be done realistically, so that the other party's vanity will suddenly rise and they will be more willing to work with you.And when a person is willing to get along with you or do something with you, you have the opportunity to control him and control him.
On the contrary, if you pretend to be invincible and let the water go too obviously, even if the opponent wins you, you will not feel happy, and you will even think that you deliberately underestimate him, and that you are not good at winning, but self-defeating.Therefore, when using this method, it is to let people win, but also to let people feel that this is won by their own strength.
While letting him win, let him feel indebted
Although letting the other party win is conducive to satisfying the other party's vanity, but while trying to make the other party win, you must not make the other party feel that it should be taken for granted, or that it is justified, but make him feel a little embarrassed. owe mentality.For example, when you make a bet with the other party, at the beginning the dispute was red-faced, and the other party wins in the end, then he will feel that this is a matter of course, and he will feel happy, so he will not feel that he owes you anything.But if before you bet, you show that you don't want to bet and just accompany him, and he wins as expected, then he will feel a little guilty.And when a person feels indebted to you, he will try his best to make up for it.At this time, you can effectively control him and control him.
·The law of mind control·
Letting the opponent win can satisfy his vanity, and most people who love vanity will feel happy once their vanity is satisfied.When a person is in a happy mood, he will be more willing to accept the opinions of those around him.By this time, people will be able to effectively control others to develop in the direction they imagined.
The "Buridan donkey" phenomenon:
Need a push for the undecided
Yang Hua wanted to be promoted to the department manager very much, but she knew that she had a strong opponent, Lili who came to the company a year earlier than her.Yang Hua knew very well that he was no worse than Lili in terms of performance, but in terms of qualifications Lili joined the company a year earlier than him, so she must have an advantage over him.
Later, she heard that the company implements anonymous voting for internal personnel in the department, which gave her hope for promotion, because this policy determines that no matter who has seniority, he must first pass the hurdle of everyone voting.In other words, as long as her vote is higher than Lili, she may become the department manager.So, she made a plan: the people who can vote for her are almost the same as Lili's, and the only one who may affect the outcome is Xiaoling, who has just joined the company for half a year and is always hesitant.
When she got off work the next day, she took the opportunity to get off work with Xiaoling, and asked Xiaoling sideways about the manager candidate in her mind.Xiaoling hesitated for a long time, saying that she didn't know who to choose.As soon as Yang Hua heard this, he immediately told Xiaoling some things about himself: how good his performance is, how senior he is... Finally, he added jokingly: "Actually, I am a good candidate. If you can, choose me !” As a result, in next week’s election, Yang Hua was elected as the department manager with a slight advantage of one vote more than Lili.
Why is Yang Hua able to effectively control the indecisive Xiaoling and force her to choose herself when it comes to voting?From the whole process, we can easily find that Yang Hua's strategy for Xiao Ling is very simple: just tell her to choose herself.As for Xiaoling, she has an indecisive personality, she doesn't know who to choose, and she doesn't know how to choose.When someone tells me how to make a choice, it just feels convenient, so I don't have to think about it.Therefore, Yang Hua was chosen as if going along with the flow.
For Xiaoling's hesitant phenomenon, it is called "Bridan's donkey" phenomenon in psychology. It mainly refers to a phenomenon of hesitation and indecision in the decision-making process.
In order to let everyone further understand this psychological phenomenon, psychologists have described its origin as follows: French philosopher Buridan raised a little donkey, and bought a pile of hay from nearby farmers every day to feed it.One day, out of admiration for the philosopher, the farmer sent an extra pile of hay to the side.As a result, the donkey stood between two piles of hay that were exactly equal in quantity, quality, and distance from it. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't tell which pile to choose, and finally died of starvation.Later, people named this phenomenon the "Buridan donkey" phenomenon.
Regarding the "Buridan donkey" phenomenon, psychologists once put forward this idea: if a farmer pushed one of the hay forward a little, the donkey would not starve to death; A few times, let it take a few steps towards one of the forages, so it will not starve to death.
The phenomenon of the Buridan donkey warns us: when facing hesitant people, we must learn to take the initiative to attack and push them actively.This is because, for those who are hesitant, every time they are faced with a choice, they may appear at a loss, indecisive, and do not know what to do.And at this time, if you push them and point them in a direction, most of them will move forward inertially like pushing a boat with the current, and walk in this direction, so they won't care about your intentions.In fact, you're pushing him in the direction you want him to go, and you're effectively driving him.
For those who are hesitant, although it is easy to control and control them by pushing them, when using this strategy, you must also master the relevant methods and precautions.The specific method is as follows:
For indecisive people, don't feed them too much information
When people who are indecisive make choices or do things, the most troublesome thing is that they don't know what to do and cannot choose.This requires people, when controlling these people, not to instill too much information into them, so as not to let them add some factors that control their thinking in their already hesitant characters, and then they are even more unable to choose, and do not know what to do. .
Be straightforward about the direction they should take, or directly convey a message about how they should proceed.In this way, they often don't think too much, and develop directly in the direction you said.And in fact, that's exactly what you need.For example, when you want an undecided person to choose a brand of mobile phone, instead of spouting out the styles and models of various brands for him to choose, it is better to directly tell him which brand he should choose.
You have to let the hesitant people see the light after the choice
For those who are indecisive, the main reason why they are unable to make a decision on a matter or a point of view is that they are afraid that their choice will bring about failure or the result they do not want to see.Because they know that once they decide to put it into practice, there will be no retreat, and they will have to bear any outcome.
Therefore, when controlling and controlling such people, we must first let them see the light after the choice, and let them realize that the choice will not bring about any inevitable ending, but a bright and bright future.For example, if you are a salesperson, when you want hesitant people to buy a piece of clothing, the main reasons for their hesitation will probably be quality, price, style... and when you assure them that the quality is fine, the price Reasonable, when they are well-fitting and beautiful, most hesitant people will choose to buy.In this method of pushing them, it all reflects the importance of letting them see the light after the choice.
·The law of mind control·
When dealing with indecisive people, learn to actively push them.This is because, for those who are indecisive, every time they are faced with a choice, they will be overwhelmed and indecisive.And at this time, if you push them and point them in a direction, most of them will inertially move forward like a push boat, walking in this direction, and this direction is actually the direction you want them to move forward.
Humor effect:
Humor can relax the introverted
Dongdong is a new student transferred from a rural school to an urban school. Since he grew up in the countryside, he has a somewhat restrained personality. In addition, he came to a new school and dealt with many students and teachers with new faces. made him more restrained.From Dongdong's restrained performance, the teacher found that he was always afraid of making mistakes, and even more afraid of being laughed at by teachers and classmates.The teacher tried to persuade him to relax a few times, but to no avail.
One day, just as the bell rang for the end of class, Dongdong, who didn't know what was going on, was the first to stand up and prepare to rush out of the classroom before the head teacher said get out of class was over. The students all burst into laughter.Dongdong blushed, extremely embarrassed.At this time, the head teacher immediately said to the students humorously: "Dongdong's reaction ability is very fast, which means that he listened attentively. Do you have any?" A humorous remark from the teacher made everyone stop laughing, and at the same time Dongdong's complexion also gradually recovered.
From this day on, Dongdong's introverted situation seems to have improved.Later, the head teacher always paid attention to him, and every time he was in a situation or unhappy, he would use humorous words and humorous ways to relieve him.As a result, he became more and more cheerful.
In the process of controlling Dongdong from the class teacher and controlling Dongdong from a cautious and introverted child to a cheerful child, it is not difficult for us to find that the method used by the class teacher is actually not difficult to understand. This way, let Dongdong relax his tense nerves, and then help him open up the inner world that is always fortified.
In fact, in life, not only children will have a restrained and reserved personality, but even adults will have this kind of personality.For this type of people, when controlling and controlling them, you must learn to use humor.
The reason for saying this is because they are introverted, not good at talking, let alone communicating with others.Therefore, when we sometimes try to control them, it is often difficult to communicate with them.Just communicate and let them understand what they mean. Due to their limited personality, they may not be able to speak and do things well according to your wishes, and thus cannot be well controlled and controlled by you.
At the same time, we should also see the fact that for those who are reserved, they are not unapproachable or unreasonable, but because you have failed to find a way to reach them that they really need and appreciate. They, go and let them be in your control, in your power, willingly.
Humor is undoubtedly an important strategy to make introverted people willing to accept and like to accept it, because your humor can first of all let introverted people relax spiritually, so that they will open their originally fortified psychology and accept it involuntarily. you.In addition, when you actively interact with them with humorous words, and even help them invisibly, they will be more impressed with you deep in their hearts, and they will be more willing to be controlled and controlled by you.President Lincoln of the United States is a representative of a person who knows how to use humor to control his introverted personality.
One day, Browder from Ohio came to visit Lincoln. They walked and talked, while the soldiers standing in front of the White House were waiting for the president to speak.So when they reached the corridor, the soldiers immediately cheered.At this point, an adjutant asked Browder to step back.Browder suddenly fell into an embarrassing situation, not knowing what to do.
Seeing this, Lincoln immediately rescued Browder, and said in a humorous tone: "You know? They are afraid that the soldiers will not be able to tell which is the president." This kind of humor relieved Browder's embarrassment, and also made him Lincoln earned his respect.In the future relationship, as long as Lincoln gives orders, Browder will definitely respond positively.
Humor can relax the introverted person, and it is also good for winning the sincerity of the introverted person.But this is not to say that any kind of humor can have this effect.This requires people to master the corresponding methods and means when using humor to control and control others.
Self-deprecating humor, easiest to use
When it comes to using humor to help an introverted person relax, adjust the mood, and bring them under your control, be sure to master the method.Among the many humors, self-deprecating humor is undoubtedly the most effective way, because it will neither frustrate the introverted person nor hurt other innocent people around because of one's own carelessness.For example, President Lincoln mentioned above used self-deprecating methods to please everyone and help Browder at the same time.Therefore, when using humor to control introverted people, you might as well use a little more self-deprecating humor, which will often benefit you more.
humor takes its time
When handling introverted people, you may often encounter such a situation: you don't know how to approach them.Because of their introverted personalities, you always feel that they shut you out and keep you from getting close, and when you can't get close to them and can't communicate with them, you can't control them well.
This tells us that we must learn to seize the opportunity.You must know that sometimes humor can not appear in all occasions, let alone humor in all occasions, which can make people with introverted personalities deeply remember and be grateful.And for those introverted people, when they are embarrassed, you take the initiative to relieve them with humor; when they don't know how to solve the problem, you actively help them solve it, and humorously tell them something matters.These are undoubtedly the best times.
·The law of mind control·
Humor is an important strategy to make introverted people willing to accept and like to accept, because your humor can make introverted people relax mentally, so that they will open their originally fortified psychology and accept you involuntarily.In addition, when you actively interact with them with humorous words, and even help them invisibly, they will be more impressed with you deep in their hearts, and they will be more willing to be controlled and controlled by you.
Catfish effect:
Competitive people are eager to have the motivation to fight on
Mr. Zhang, the sales director, felt very distressed due to the continuous decline in the performance of car sales.He knows very well that this has a lot to do with the fact that the sales manager does not seek to make progress, which in turn affects his subordinates.But since this sales manager is a young man sent directly by the boss, it is not easy for him to directly fire the other party, so he can only muddle through.
One day, he was drinking tea when he heard from a colleague that this sales manager has a hobby, that is, he likes to be competitive. As long as he wants to fight with others, he will fight to the end. Unrelenting ambition.So, he thought of a way.His method is to introduce competition: on the one hand, it can improve the work efficiency of employees; on the other hand, it can also arouse the fighting spirit of this sales manager.
After careful planning and hard work, he first poached a person who was about the same age as the sales manager from other sales companies, and set up the second sales department independently as the manager, which formed a sharp competition with the original sales department. .After the manager of the second sales department took office, with his rich marketing experience, excellent knowledge, and excellent work enthusiasm, he actively mobilized the enthusiasm of the employees in the sales department, and his performance was greatly improved.
As a result, at the month-end summary meeting, the sales manager who usually works without seeking progress was hit hard, which ignited his fighting spirit in his heart.In the next few months, he worked hard to win the monthly sales champion... As a result, the company's sales turned around, the monthly sales rose sharply, and the company's popularity continued to increase.
The key reason why Mr. Zhang was able to control the sales manager who was not motivated at first was that he found the weakness of this sales manager, that is, he was competitive.The most effective way to deal with competitive people like sales managers is undoubtedly to guide them, let them enter a competitive environment, and stimulate their motivation to fight.
For this phenomenon, psychologists call it the catfish effect.The so-called catfish effect means that under certain conditions, the introduction of external competition, danger, invasion and other factors can improve the vitality of the entire group, promote the development of each individual, and then form a mechanism of survival of the fittest.
In order to further prove the catfish effect, psychologists also explained its origin: Norwegians love to eat live sardines, but because sardines are lazy by nature and do not like sports, and the return journey is very long, they can be brought back from the sea. There are very few sardines on the pier.It was later discovered that if you put a catfish in the tank with sardines, the situation will be significantly better.Because catfish are afraid in an unfamiliar environment, they will swim around, and when sardines find this alien molecule, they will also get nervous and swim faster.In this way, the sardines returned to the port alive.
From the detailed description of psychologists, it is not difficult for us to understand what is the catfish effect.Why use it to control those who are competitive?This is because, for competitive people, their aggressive nature makes them very interested in "fighting".Therefore, when you control them, as long as you create a passionate fighting environment according to the direction you imagined, you can stimulate their enterprising spirit to fight, and then achieve the effect of "do not wait to raise the whip".
In addition, when we try to conquer those competitive people, because of their competitive nature, they will not be easily conquered and controlled by you, let alone listen to your orders or opinions casually.But if you do what they like, give them the incentive to fight, and lead them to a fighting state they like (this state is exactly what you want), then they will actively develop in this direction .In fact, this direction is exactly what you want.When you lead a person to the state you want, isn't it easy for you to control them and control them?
Although for competitive people, citing the catfish effect can grasp their vital points, and then better control them to serve themselves, but smart people must also master the relevant precautions and methods when using this method Strategy.
find them a competitor
Competitive people have a common characteristic, that is, they like challenges.As for smart people, when controlling and controlling these people, they will satisfy their psychological needs, find a strong competitor for them, and lead them into a state of competition, and this state is exactly what you want them to be. entered state.For example, if you directly ask an aggressive person to play chess with your friend, he may be unwilling or unwilling.But if you say that your friend is a master chess player and can beat him, then he may immediately be stimulated by your words and enter a state of struggle, and he can't help but want to play two moves with your friend.
Take control of the "struggle" and continue with wins and losses
We may have all had this experience: when watching a basketball game, if the strength of the two teams is evenly matched and the score on the field is also very tight, then the players on both sides will definitely become more and more courageous as they fight, or even not Will not give up until the last moment.However, if there is a huge disparity in strength between the two teams, and the score difference is always large during the game, then at the end of the game, the players on both sides may not have much enthusiasm, because the victory or defeat is already a foregone conclusion.
From this experience, wise people will be alerted.That is to say, after leading the competitive people into a state of "struggle", they have to find ways to satisfy the opponent's passion for the next challenge through the outcome of winning or losing, so as to allow the "struggle" to continue.
·The law of mind control·
For competitive people, their aggressive nature makes them very interested in "fighting".Therefore, when you control them, as long as you create a passionate fighting environment according to the direction you imagined, you can stimulate their enterprising spirit to fight, and then achieve the effect of "do not wait to raise the whip".
(End of this chapter)
◆Why is it that a young man who sells cars can get people who originally rejected him to contact him and ask to buy a car?
◆Why would a talkative girl choose a talkative man instead of a handsome talkative man with a rich family?
◆Why did the colleagues try to do everything possible to sign the contract but couldn't succeed, but some of them only took two days to get everything done?
◆Why does the salesman who doesn't pay attention to anyone and dismisses him only look at him with admiration?
◆Why can a humorous child relax a lot?
◆Why are those masters who are often angry and furious but can't stand the knife of "gentleness"?
Rebound Pipa Effect:
For those who are rebellious, you may wish to use the art of rebounding the pipa
Mr. Lin is a well-known wealthy businessman in the local area, and his stubborn temper, which always likes to contradict others, is also well-known in the local area.Recently, his car was about to be scrapped, and the car salesmen were all aiming at this piece of fat, eager to win over him as a big customer.
As a result, car salesmen sold cars to him one after another.Some said: "Our products are the best in the world." Some said: "Your car is too old, it's time to replace it with a new one." This product is too inappropriate." Although he wanted to change the car very much, he felt very impatient when he heard the salesmen say that.
One day, a young man also came to sell cars.As a result, Mr. Lin's rebellious psychology began again before the young people entered the door.He thought, you must be like those guys, selling cars to me, so I won't be fooled by you, and you even have the mentality of, I'll just see how you make a fool of yourself.But this salesman did not directly suggest Mr. Lin to buy his own products like those salesmen before, nor did he directly say that his car was unusable, but just said sincerely: "Sir, although your car is old, A little bit, but at least it can be used for half a year. It would be a pity to change the car now, you can change it in a few months! This is my phone number, and you can contact me when you need to change the car.” As a result, a week later , Mr. Lin bought a new car from him.
Why did so many people fail to sell cars to Mr. Lin, but the young man succeeded in the end?From the entire sales situation, it is not difficult to find that the success of the last salesman is that he knows how to grasp Mr. Lin’s weakness of contradictory and rebellious psychology, and then uses a technique of rebounding the pipa to effectively control , Controlled Mr. Lin.
So, why do you need to use the art of bouncing the pipa for people like Mr. Lin?This is because people like Mr. Lin have a strong rebellious psychology, and the most direct manifestation of rebellious psychology is that they are unwilling to cooperate with others, let alone listen to other people's opinions.For example, in life, it is mainly manifested in the reverse thinking of not agreeing with and distrusting other people's opinions; not accepting or accepting other people's opinions; doubting some things for no reason, or even adopting a fundamentally negative attitude...
In addition, most people with a rebellious mentality do not stubbornly want to sing against others, but most of the time it is a mental state in which they adopt opposite attitudes and words and deeds to the other party's requirements in order to maintain their self-esteem.For example, there are often a handful of teenagers who are "not taught" and "disobedient", and often "resist" and "contradict" their parents and teachers.In fact, the reason why they have such behaviors that run counter to common sense is that most of the time they feel that teachers or parents do not respect them enough, such as forcing them to study, forcing them to do things that they don't like or are not interested in...
And the best way to deal with such rebellious people is undoubtedly to adopt the art of rebounding the pipa.The so-called technique of rebounding the pipa actually expresses such a psychological result: support one kind of action, but in the end persuade the other party to take the opposite action, that is, you can say the opposite, and use it to control others better. , Control others.The one who uses this method better is the former Soviet psychologist Platunov. In order to effectively sell his books, he specifically reminded readers not to Read the story in Section 8 of Chapter 8 first.Most readers take the opposite approach to the admonition and turn to Chapter [-], Section [-] first.In fact, he made good use of the art of bouncing the pipa.
In life, if you want to use this technique of rebounding the pipa well, you must first understand the reasons for the rebellious psychology, and then you can implement the technique of rebounding the pipa in a targeted manner.
Rebellion is often linked with curiosity
In life, we often find this phenomenon: Sometimes the more we can’t get something, the more we want to get it; the more inaccessible something, the more we want to get in touch;The reason for this phenomenon is that curiosity is at work.The more curious people are, the more obvious this is.Therefore, when using the technique of rebounding the pipa, you might as well use it more for those who are curious.For example, when you want a curious person to understand what you mean, then you may wish to deliberately cover up and whet his appetite when telling your point of view, so as to better stimulate his rebellious psychology.In this way, under the control of curiosity and rebellious psychology, the other party will keep thinking about what you mean, and this is actually what you want.
Opposition emotions are the mirror of the rebellious mind
In life, we will also find this type of person, that is, they like to confront and do things against others.For example, sometimes people around say: "This book is really good." He will probably say: "What a treat!" People around will say: "This idea is good." He will probably say: "I don't like it. !”… In fact, this kind of person is a typical person with opposite emotions, that is to say, he always has such a rebellious habit in his mind. He doesn’t approve or like what others say, and sometimes even does the opposite.
For this kind of person, if you "speak hard" and "thousands of words", he may be indifferent, let alone listen to your opinions and viewpoints, do things according to your thinking, and even think that you are hypocritical and critical.But if you do it directly in reverse, reverse thinking to speak, convey, and persuade, the result may be more effective with less effort.
·The law of mind control·
If people want to use this technique of rebounding the pipa well, they must first understand the reasons for the generation of rebellious psychology, and then they can implement the technique of rebounding the pipa in a targeted manner.Most of the time, most people with rebellious psychology often have strong curiosity and oppositional emotions.Therefore, for people with these two personality tendencies, you might as well use more techniques of rebounding the pipa.
Inspiration from Dripping Water Wears Through Rock:
For people with a bad temper, you must know how to "conquer rigidity with softness"
Recently, Lin Lin quarreled with her husband again.So, she cried to her best friend: When I first met him, I just thought he had a bad temper.As an only child, she has a bit of a temper, and so do I, so I didn't pay much attention to it.But now I realize that he is too irritable, and he doesn't do things right. I always like to scold him.But he was lucky, not only did not listen, but lost his temper at every turn.Every time he lost his temper, I couldn't control my temper, and the quarrel broke out as soon as the anger came up.In fact, when we quarreled with him, we just wanted to suppress his spirit in a tough way, so as not to be more arrogant in the future.But the result is: we will always quarrel, and the conflicts are getting bigger and bigger. I really don't know how to get along with my grumpy husband.
Why can't Lin Lin control her husband well?This is because for a person with a bad temper like her husband, the method she uses is not appropriate: she always feels that when she gets along with him, she can restrain his temper by being tough; Fighting, let alone being afraid of conflicts, when his temper flares up, he yells at him, thinking that this will calm the other party, and he will not dare to do it next time.
In fact, for those grumpy people, the more you have a tough attitude and get along with them in a tough way, the more often their grumpy temper will break out.Because a person with a bad temper has an impulsive element in his personality.When you communicate or get along with them in a strong way of speaking or getting along with them, it is bound to easily trigger their irritable factors, and then their irritable temper will start to break out.They will not be as friendly to you as they were at the beginning, and it will be really difficult for you to control them.
So, how should we get along with and live better with grumpy people?In this regard, psychology believes that for grumpy people, the most unbearable thing for them is to use toughness to control toughness, because they have toughness in their character, so they are not afraid of this.On the contrary, they will appear at a loss for gentle things.This tells us that we might as well use some gentle techniques for this kind of people, because softness can overcome rigidity.
In this regard, psychologists have also used the phenomenon of dripping water to penetrate rocks to vividly illustrate this truth: a thick stone is placed on the ground, and you hit it with a heavy hammer, it may not penetrate them. , but a gentle drop of water, persevering for a long time, can penetrate it.Why can a rock that cannot be shaken by a powerful hammer be conquered by a drop of water?In fact, this is the power of softness.
Living in the vast world, everyone has to deal with all kinds of people, and in the process of dealing with and getting along with people, it is inevitable to encounter the kind of bad temper Lord, I can't avoid meeting those quick-tempered people... In fact, people like them have a common characteristic, that is, they take soft things and don't take tough ones.
What should we do about those who are soft but not hard?In fact, overcoming rigidity with softness is a very good method.But to truly overcome rigidity with softness, one needs to master specific methods, in order to get twice the result with half the effort, and it is easier to control and control others.Some specific methods are introduced as follows:
A kind-hearted attitude is a kind of "soft" strategy
In life and work, we can't avoid the fact that our own opinions are contrary to those of others, and we can't avoid the time when we need to say something to others or explain something... At this time, if the other party is a grumpy person, Then you have to be extra careful when you talk about things and opinions with him.Because for those grumpy people, if your tone is a little harder or your voice is louder, it may trigger their grumpy temper, which will make you unable to control the situation and control the other party more effectively. According to your will to do things.
But if you patiently explain and analyze them with good words, I believe that they feel a little impatient and even want to lose their temper, which will hinder your good-spoken attitude, control yourself, and treat you Courtesy three points.At this time, it is your chance to control others and control such people.
When the other party's temper comes up, don't go up against the wind
In life, when many people have conflicts and conflicts with grumpy people, not only will they not avoid the limelight, but they will stand up to the wind, and sometimes even show the meaning of fighting against them.
If you do, it means you are not smart enough.Because for those of you who have a bad temper, the best thing you can do when their temper flares up is to get your emotions under control.You know, by this time they were already a little overheated and out of control.If you can't control it, the conflict will escalate, and your communication will definitely end in a fierce argument or even a quarrel, and you will no longer be able to control and control the other party.
Instead of this, it's better to wait for them to calm down, and then you can combine your own ideas and communicate with them.I believe that no matter how irritable a person is, he will feel a little guilty for your tolerance, and then control his emotions intentionally or unintentionally in the following exchanges, and you will have an effective tool to control him.
·The law of mind control·
For grumpy people, the most unbearable thing for them is to use force to control force.Because their characters are inherently tough, and they are not afraid of this.On the contrary, they will appear at a loss for gentle things.This tells people that it is advisable to use some gentle techniques for such people, because softness can overcome rigidity.
Complementary Psychology:
Big talkers like to be friends with "listeners"
Mingming graduated from university. She is an extroverted, cheerful girl who likes to talk and laugh. She is beautiful and deeply loved by people around her.As a result, her parents, relatives and friends introduced boyfriends to her one after another.Among these men, whether they are handsome, wealthy, or highly educated, they all have one thing in common, that is, they are talkative, but they are all rejected one by one under the premise that they obviously don't like them.
Later, her parents finally knew that she had someone she liked and was dating, so they urged her to take it home quickly so that she could see it for herself.But just when her parents, relatives and friends thought that she would bring back a man who was more eloquent and cheerful than her, she brought a man who liked to be silent at home.Mom asked Mingming incomprehensibly, usually you like to talk so much, and talk about things you are interested in, why do you like such a person who is not good at talking?Mingming said without hesitation: "Because I like talking so much, I want to find someone who can listen to me." Mingming's answer made her mother stunned, and she didn't know what to say for a while.
My mother and relatives and friends introduced so many talkative boyfriends to Mingming, but none of them succeeded. From the conversation between Mingming and my mother later, it is not difficult to find the reason: because she is talkative, she doesn’t want to find someone who is too talkative. Men be boyfriends.
So, why is there such a mentality?In fact, this is the complementary psychology in psychology at work.The so-called complementary psychology simply means: when people get along with each other, they will look for things that they don't have but what the other party has, and what they are not good at but the other party is good at, as a point of attraction, and then associate with them.Because these things that you don't own the other party will have a strong attraction, attracting two people together.This statement is not difficult to understand, for example, in couples, you will often find that the protective half will often associate with the protective partner; in friends, the reserved personality will associate with the extrovert; Among colleagues, an extremely loud person can get along well with a silent colleague...
With these phenomena, it is not difficult for us to understand why Mingming chooses a silent man as a relationship partner: it is precisely because such a talkative person cannot keep silent, so she yearns for silence and is more willing to accept and listen to others. People who talk to themselves.
The reason for this is that most people who are boastful and like to talk often have this kind of mentality: when they are friends with the listener and get along with the person who likes to listen, they can vent their distress, and at the same time the other person can express themselves in the same way. Share your troubles while listening, which will help you express your true inner intentions.On the contrary, I am a talkative person myself and don't like to listen to others.If you continue to communicate and get along with someone who is eloquent, then the other party's speech will inevitably become a psychological burden on you, and you will feel embarrassed or unhappy, so you will not want to associate with him.
Since boastful people may not like the same type of talkers, but prefer to communicate with listeners, then when controlling and controlling others, we can regard it as an effective tool and prescribe the right medicine, so that we can get twice the result with half the effort , Immediate effect, but at the same time should also master the corresponding precautions.
To be a "listener", let the other party perceive your "listening"
When dealing with talkative people, we need to be a listener.But listening here does not mean not speaking or not responding. In fact, it is combined with corresponding body language to speak less.That is to say, when the other party is talking, you have to respond from time to time to let the other party perceive that you are listening to him and listen carefully, so that you can more easily control the other party and control the other party.For example, when you want a talkative colleague to do something, even though you feel impatient when he talks about trivial matters at home when you meet, you should still respond with a smile from time to time, sometimes even nod and agree. A few words can also convey the message that you are listening to him.In this way, he tends to feel extra pleasant and more willing to associate with you.When a person is willing to communicate with you, you have achieved a key step in controlling him and controlling him.
"Listening" requires full attention
If you want to win the heart of the bombast, you must first pay attention when listening.When you concentrate on listening to the other party's conversation, you can clarify the other party's thinking, effectively understand the meaning of the other party's words, and then be more able to match their preferences and make them happy.Under the influence of pleasant emotions, a person is more likely to accept information from the outside world, that is to say, it is easier to be controlled and controlled by us.
In addition, when you concentrate on listening to the talker, you can also capture relevant information from it, and then make good use of it, transform it into the information you need, and use this information to guide the other party toward yourself. Develop in the direction envisioned, which is also convenient for controlling others.
·The law of mind control·
Most people who talk a lot and like to talk often have this kind of mentality: when they are friends with the listener and get along with the person who likes to listen, they can vent their distress.At the same time, the other party can share their troubles while listening, which is conducive to expressing their true inner intentions, and they are more willing to associate with such people.And this is undoubtedly a warning to people: To control and control the bombast, you must first learn to be a qualified listener.
Save face effect:
People who always reject you need some excessive requests to stimulate
As an insurance salesman, Zhan Ning once had this experience: that year, their company found a customer with great potential. Several salesmen tried to sell insurance, but were rejected by the customers one by one.Later, Zhan Ning was responsible for the sales. After careful consideration, he did not use the usual method, but changed a sales method, conquered this customer, and successfully got him to buy his own insurance.In the future sales, this method has also become a magic weapon for his continuous success.Janning's approach is as follows:
Jenning: "Hello! I'm a salesman for a health insurance company. Have you considered buying insurance?"
Potential customer: "I don't need an insurance salesman."
Zhan Ning: "Then can you spare some time to listen to relevant knowledge about insurance?"
Prospect: "I'm busy."
Jenning: "I won't take a lot of your time, just a few minutes. Don't you want to take a few minutes to find out what you don't know?"
Prospect: "Oh! So can you tell me..."
So, Zhan Ning began to explain: "Insurance is a... The question you ask should be..." As a result, Zhan Ning told this potential customer a lot of insurance knowledge, the benefits of buying insurance, and the procedures for buying insurance.In the end, he did not forget to add a sentence: "I hope my explanation can give you a new understanding of insurance. If you still don't understand or understand anything, please contact me. This is my Business card." A week later, the potential customer took the initiative to call Janning and said, "I think it is necessary to buy insurance."
The cleverness of Zhan Ning is that for those customers who always reject him, he knows how to use the face-saving effect in psychology to serve himself.The so-called face-saving effect, simply put: before making your own real request to others, first make a big request to others, and after the other person refuses, then make your own real and relatively small request, the possibility of others agreeing to your request will increase.
In order to effectively verify the effectiveness of this strategy, the famous psychological researcher Cialdini conducted such an experiment in 1975: He asked relevant personnel to collect donations, and when they collected donations, they were divided into two groups and used different methods. way.
When the first group raises donations from others, they will say the last sentence: "Even if you donate a penny, it is also a contribution to charity." When the second group raises funds from others , just asking everyone to donate to charity.The end result was that the first group made more than twice as much money as the second group.
From this experiment, it is not difficult to see that making a request first and then making a small request is often more acceptable than making a direct request.So why do people use this method when dealing with and trying to master someone who is always rejecting themselves?This is because when you make a big request, others will instinctively reject you, and once they reject you, they will feel a little guilty.At this time, when you make another relatively small request, even if the other party does not want to accept it, it will be too embarrassing to refuse directly because it will save face for you and yourself.So, I accepted your request with the best of both worlds.And when a person accepts your request, you also control him.
In addition, when you first make an excessively large request and then make a smaller request, it will give the other party the illusion that the request you make later seems to be "insignificant" and "not worth rejecting." "Yes, but for requests that are insignificant and not worth refusing, if you refuse them again, it seems too unreasonable and unreasonable.Therefore, psychologically, it will first be accepted safely.
Knowing people's psychology, you must learn to use this strategy flexibly when controlling and controlling others.That is to say, when you are controlling the other party, if you know that the other party may reject your request or always reject your request, you must learn to use a little face-saving effect: first make an excessive request, and then Make a real request.The specific methods and precautions are as follows:
The two requests should be in stark contrast
We all may have experienced this: on the street, when someone directly asks you for 20 yuan and you refuse, and then asks for 18 yuan, you may still feel that this is a lot in your heart, and then refuse the other party again.However, if the other party asks you for 100 yuan directly, and then asks you for 18 yuan, you will find that you will not hesitate, and even throw 18 yuan to the other party casually.
This tells us that when facing someone who may reject you, or even always rejects you, even if you use the method of asking too much to stimulate the other party, you must be good at forming a sharp contrast.Because it is easier for the other party to realize the huge difference between the two different requests, which will cause huge psychological changes, and it will be easier to accept your subsequent request.
The second requirement must be less than the first requirement
Although for those who always reject your request, it is easier to control and control the other party by making excessive requests, but when controlling, you must also pay attention: the second request must be smaller than the first request, so that It is easier to influence the other party, agree to your request, and accept your ideas.Let’s say you borrow money from a friend. When you borrow money from a friend, if you suddenly say to borrow 2000, the friend will probably refuse you without hesitation due to various factors.But if you then say to your friend, "It's okay to borrow 500", most of your friends will feel this change and the concession you made, and will be more willing to lend you money.On the contrary, if you ask to borrow 500 at once, the other party will agree to your request, and may not be so willing.
·The law of mind control·
When you make a big request, others will instinctively reject you.And once they reject you, they will feel a little guilty.At this time, when you make another relatively small request, even if the other party does not want to accept it, it will be too embarrassing to refuse directly because it will save face for you and yourself.So, I accepted your request with the best of both worlds.And when a person accepts your request, you also control him.
Vanity:
Let those who love vanity taste the taste of winning
Da Wang is the person in charge of a certain department of a company and often has to deal with customers.Once, the company encountered a big customer who loved vanity.The boss decided to let the king go to receive the other party, and told him that he must win the project in the hands of the client.
At first, the colleagues thought that it would take some setbacks, but what everyone didn't expect was that the king only took two days to get the contract.A colleague asked about the secret, and the king said: "It's very simple, doesn't he love vanity, then I will let him experience the taste of winning and satisfy his vanity. For example, when drinking, it is better to pretend to be drunk than to be drunk." Let him get drunk; when guessing punches, it is better to lose a few punches than to win a few punches; he can play mahjong, I will try to let him win... When we meet the next day, let me say a few more words, your drinking capacity You are so big, I drank too much yesterday; your boxing skills are really high, it is difficult to guess; your mahjong is really good, I am not an opponent at all... Think about it, the other party loves vanity so much, and you keep fighting. Use the winning method to let him experience the satisfaction brought by this kind of vanity. Can he not be beautiful, unhappy or unhappy? And once the other party is happy and happy, then what can you not do? conditions for a deal?"
Your Majesty's words are correct.When you deal with those who love vanity, instead of begging them to do things for you or persuading them to do something with earnest words and words, it is better to find a suitable opportunity and let them experience the feeling of winning and be satisfied. Their vanity makes it easier to control each other.
For those who love vanity, the reason why we have to deal with them by letting them win is because letting them win, to a certain extent, can let them taste the taste of victory, and then satisfy their vanity.And most people who love vanity will feel happy once their vanity is satisfied.And when a person is dominated by positive emotions such as joy, happiness, and happiness, he is often more willing to accept the information put forward by the people around him, and he is more inclined to accept the opinions of the people around him.Therefore, at this time, we can effectively control the development of others in the direction we imagined.
In addition, people who love vanity have a notable characteristic, that is, they like to exaggerate their own advantages or benefits, and then show them off in order to gain the envy of others.And when you let him experience the taste of winning in a certain aspect or on a certain occasion, it will undoubtedly give the other party a chance to show off to you.No matter how willingly you accept his showing off and satisfy his vanity of showing off, he will naturally be so happy from ear to ear, and will be more willing to get along with you.
Since people who love vanity have such a psychology, then smart people can take corresponding methods according to their psychological characteristics and effectively serve themselves.
Let people win, but also make people feel that it is a real win
In order to let others taste the taste of winning, many times, we need to borrow various opportunities to deliberately lose to the other party.For example, if you bet on something together, you must deliberately lose to him; or when talking about something together, you must intentionally let others take a few steps.But even though you take the initiative to lose to the other party, the loss must be done realistically, so that the other party's vanity will suddenly rise and they will be more willing to work with you.And when a person is willing to get along with you or do something with you, you have the opportunity to control him and control him.
On the contrary, if you pretend to be invincible and let the water go too obviously, even if the opponent wins you, you will not feel happy, and you will even think that you deliberately underestimate him, and that you are not good at winning, but self-defeating.Therefore, when using this method, it is to let people win, but also to let people feel that this is won by their own strength.
While letting him win, let him feel indebted
Although letting the other party win is conducive to satisfying the other party's vanity, but while trying to make the other party win, you must not make the other party feel that it should be taken for granted, or that it is justified, but make him feel a little embarrassed. owe mentality.For example, when you make a bet with the other party, at the beginning the dispute was red-faced, and the other party wins in the end, then he will feel that this is a matter of course, and he will feel happy, so he will not feel that he owes you anything.But if before you bet, you show that you don't want to bet and just accompany him, and he wins as expected, then he will feel a little guilty.And when a person feels indebted to you, he will try his best to make up for it.At this time, you can effectively control him and control him.
·The law of mind control·
Letting the opponent win can satisfy his vanity, and most people who love vanity will feel happy once their vanity is satisfied.When a person is in a happy mood, he will be more willing to accept the opinions of those around him.By this time, people will be able to effectively control others to develop in the direction they imagined.
The "Buridan donkey" phenomenon:
Need a push for the undecided
Yang Hua wanted to be promoted to the department manager very much, but she knew that she had a strong opponent, Lili who came to the company a year earlier than her.Yang Hua knew very well that he was no worse than Lili in terms of performance, but in terms of qualifications Lili joined the company a year earlier than him, so she must have an advantage over him.
Later, she heard that the company implements anonymous voting for internal personnel in the department, which gave her hope for promotion, because this policy determines that no matter who has seniority, he must first pass the hurdle of everyone voting.In other words, as long as her vote is higher than Lili, she may become the department manager.So, she made a plan: the people who can vote for her are almost the same as Lili's, and the only one who may affect the outcome is Xiaoling, who has just joined the company for half a year and is always hesitant.
When she got off work the next day, she took the opportunity to get off work with Xiaoling, and asked Xiaoling sideways about the manager candidate in her mind.Xiaoling hesitated for a long time, saying that she didn't know who to choose.As soon as Yang Hua heard this, he immediately told Xiaoling some things about himself: how good his performance is, how senior he is... Finally, he added jokingly: "Actually, I am a good candidate. If you can, choose me !” As a result, in next week’s election, Yang Hua was elected as the department manager with a slight advantage of one vote more than Lili.
Why is Yang Hua able to effectively control the indecisive Xiaoling and force her to choose herself when it comes to voting?From the whole process, we can easily find that Yang Hua's strategy for Xiao Ling is very simple: just tell her to choose herself.As for Xiaoling, she has an indecisive personality, she doesn't know who to choose, and she doesn't know how to choose.When someone tells me how to make a choice, it just feels convenient, so I don't have to think about it.Therefore, Yang Hua was chosen as if going along with the flow.
For Xiaoling's hesitant phenomenon, it is called "Bridan's donkey" phenomenon in psychology. It mainly refers to a phenomenon of hesitation and indecision in the decision-making process.
In order to let everyone further understand this psychological phenomenon, psychologists have described its origin as follows: French philosopher Buridan raised a little donkey, and bought a pile of hay from nearby farmers every day to feed it.One day, out of admiration for the philosopher, the farmer sent an extra pile of hay to the side.As a result, the donkey stood between two piles of hay that were exactly equal in quantity, quality, and distance from it. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't tell which pile to choose, and finally died of starvation.Later, people named this phenomenon the "Buridan donkey" phenomenon.
Regarding the "Buridan donkey" phenomenon, psychologists once put forward this idea: if a farmer pushed one of the hay forward a little, the donkey would not starve to death; A few times, let it take a few steps towards one of the forages, so it will not starve to death.
The phenomenon of the Buridan donkey warns us: when facing hesitant people, we must learn to take the initiative to attack and push them actively.This is because, for those who are hesitant, every time they are faced with a choice, they may appear at a loss, indecisive, and do not know what to do.And at this time, if you push them and point them in a direction, most of them will move forward inertially like pushing a boat with the current, and walk in this direction, so they won't care about your intentions.In fact, you're pushing him in the direction you want him to go, and you're effectively driving him.
For those who are hesitant, although it is easy to control and control them by pushing them, when using this strategy, you must also master the relevant methods and precautions.The specific method is as follows:
For indecisive people, don't feed them too much information
When people who are indecisive make choices or do things, the most troublesome thing is that they don't know what to do and cannot choose.This requires people, when controlling these people, not to instill too much information into them, so as not to let them add some factors that control their thinking in their already hesitant characters, and then they are even more unable to choose, and do not know what to do. .
Be straightforward about the direction they should take, or directly convey a message about how they should proceed.In this way, they often don't think too much, and develop directly in the direction you said.And in fact, that's exactly what you need.For example, when you want an undecided person to choose a brand of mobile phone, instead of spouting out the styles and models of various brands for him to choose, it is better to directly tell him which brand he should choose.
You have to let the hesitant people see the light after the choice
For those who are indecisive, the main reason why they are unable to make a decision on a matter or a point of view is that they are afraid that their choice will bring about failure or the result they do not want to see.Because they know that once they decide to put it into practice, there will be no retreat, and they will have to bear any outcome.
Therefore, when controlling and controlling such people, we must first let them see the light after the choice, and let them realize that the choice will not bring about any inevitable ending, but a bright and bright future.For example, if you are a salesperson, when you want hesitant people to buy a piece of clothing, the main reasons for their hesitation will probably be quality, price, style... and when you assure them that the quality is fine, the price Reasonable, when they are well-fitting and beautiful, most hesitant people will choose to buy.In this method of pushing them, it all reflects the importance of letting them see the light after the choice.
·The law of mind control·
When dealing with indecisive people, learn to actively push them.This is because, for those who are indecisive, every time they are faced with a choice, they will be overwhelmed and indecisive.And at this time, if you push them and point them in a direction, most of them will inertially move forward like a push boat, walking in this direction, and this direction is actually the direction you want them to move forward.
Humor effect:
Humor can relax the introverted
Dongdong is a new student transferred from a rural school to an urban school. Since he grew up in the countryside, he has a somewhat restrained personality. In addition, he came to a new school and dealt with many students and teachers with new faces. made him more restrained.From Dongdong's restrained performance, the teacher found that he was always afraid of making mistakes, and even more afraid of being laughed at by teachers and classmates.The teacher tried to persuade him to relax a few times, but to no avail.
One day, just as the bell rang for the end of class, Dongdong, who didn't know what was going on, was the first to stand up and prepare to rush out of the classroom before the head teacher said get out of class was over. The students all burst into laughter.Dongdong blushed, extremely embarrassed.At this time, the head teacher immediately said to the students humorously: "Dongdong's reaction ability is very fast, which means that he listened attentively. Do you have any?" A humorous remark from the teacher made everyone stop laughing, and at the same time Dongdong's complexion also gradually recovered.
From this day on, Dongdong's introverted situation seems to have improved.Later, the head teacher always paid attention to him, and every time he was in a situation or unhappy, he would use humorous words and humorous ways to relieve him.As a result, he became more and more cheerful.
In the process of controlling Dongdong from the class teacher and controlling Dongdong from a cautious and introverted child to a cheerful child, it is not difficult for us to find that the method used by the class teacher is actually not difficult to understand. This way, let Dongdong relax his tense nerves, and then help him open up the inner world that is always fortified.
In fact, in life, not only children will have a restrained and reserved personality, but even adults will have this kind of personality.For this type of people, when controlling and controlling them, you must learn to use humor.
The reason for saying this is because they are introverted, not good at talking, let alone communicating with others.Therefore, when we sometimes try to control them, it is often difficult to communicate with them.Just communicate and let them understand what they mean. Due to their limited personality, they may not be able to speak and do things well according to your wishes, and thus cannot be well controlled and controlled by you.
At the same time, we should also see the fact that for those who are reserved, they are not unapproachable or unreasonable, but because you have failed to find a way to reach them that they really need and appreciate. They, go and let them be in your control, in your power, willingly.
Humor is undoubtedly an important strategy to make introverted people willing to accept and like to accept it, because your humor can first of all let introverted people relax spiritually, so that they will open their originally fortified psychology and accept it involuntarily. you.In addition, when you actively interact with them with humorous words, and even help them invisibly, they will be more impressed with you deep in their hearts, and they will be more willing to be controlled and controlled by you.President Lincoln of the United States is a representative of a person who knows how to use humor to control his introverted personality.
One day, Browder from Ohio came to visit Lincoln. They walked and talked, while the soldiers standing in front of the White House were waiting for the president to speak.So when they reached the corridor, the soldiers immediately cheered.At this point, an adjutant asked Browder to step back.Browder suddenly fell into an embarrassing situation, not knowing what to do.
Seeing this, Lincoln immediately rescued Browder, and said in a humorous tone: "You know? They are afraid that the soldiers will not be able to tell which is the president." This kind of humor relieved Browder's embarrassment, and also made him Lincoln earned his respect.In the future relationship, as long as Lincoln gives orders, Browder will definitely respond positively.
Humor can relax the introverted person, and it is also good for winning the sincerity of the introverted person.But this is not to say that any kind of humor can have this effect.This requires people to master the corresponding methods and means when using humor to control and control others.
Self-deprecating humor, easiest to use
When it comes to using humor to help an introverted person relax, adjust the mood, and bring them under your control, be sure to master the method.Among the many humors, self-deprecating humor is undoubtedly the most effective way, because it will neither frustrate the introverted person nor hurt other innocent people around because of one's own carelessness.For example, President Lincoln mentioned above used self-deprecating methods to please everyone and help Browder at the same time.Therefore, when using humor to control introverted people, you might as well use a little more self-deprecating humor, which will often benefit you more.
humor takes its time
When handling introverted people, you may often encounter such a situation: you don't know how to approach them.Because of their introverted personalities, you always feel that they shut you out and keep you from getting close, and when you can't get close to them and can't communicate with them, you can't control them well.
This tells us that we must learn to seize the opportunity.You must know that sometimes humor can not appear in all occasions, let alone humor in all occasions, which can make people with introverted personalities deeply remember and be grateful.And for those introverted people, when they are embarrassed, you take the initiative to relieve them with humor; when they don't know how to solve the problem, you actively help them solve it, and humorously tell them something matters.These are undoubtedly the best times.
·The law of mind control·
Humor is an important strategy to make introverted people willing to accept and like to accept, because your humor can make introverted people relax mentally, so that they will open their originally fortified psychology and accept you involuntarily.In addition, when you actively interact with them with humorous words, and even help them invisibly, they will be more impressed with you deep in their hearts, and they will be more willing to be controlled and controlled by you.
Catfish effect:
Competitive people are eager to have the motivation to fight on
Mr. Zhang, the sales director, felt very distressed due to the continuous decline in the performance of car sales.He knows very well that this has a lot to do with the fact that the sales manager does not seek to make progress, which in turn affects his subordinates.But since this sales manager is a young man sent directly by the boss, it is not easy for him to directly fire the other party, so he can only muddle through.
One day, he was drinking tea when he heard from a colleague that this sales manager has a hobby, that is, he likes to be competitive. As long as he wants to fight with others, he will fight to the end. Unrelenting ambition.So, he thought of a way.His method is to introduce competition: on the one hand, it can improve the work efficiency of employees; on the other hand, it can also arouse the fighting spirit of this sales manager.
After careful planning and hard work, he first poached a person who was about the same age as the sales manager from other sales companies, and set up the second sales department independently as the manager, which formed a sharp competition with the original sales department. .After the manager of the second sales department took office, with his rich marketing experience, excellent knowledge, and excellent work enthusiasm, he actively mobilized the enthusiasm of the employees in the sales department, and his performance was greatly improved.
As a result, at the month-end summary meeting, the sales manager who usually works without seeking progress was hit hard, which ignited his fighting spirit in his heart.In the next few months, he worked hard to win the monthly sales champion... As a result, the company's sales turned around, the monthly sales rose sharply, and the company's popularity continued to increase.
The key reason why Mr. Zhang was able to control the sales manager who was not motivated at first was that he found the weakness of this sales manager, that is, he was competitive.The most effective way to deal with competitive people like sales managers is undoubtedly to guide them, let them enter a competitive environment, and stimulate their motivation to fight.
For this phenomenon, psychologists call it the catfish effect.The so-called catfish effect means that under certain conditions, the introduction of external competition, danger, invasion and other factors can improve the vitality of the entire group, promote the development of each individual, and then form a mechanism of survival of the fittest.
In order to further prove the catfish effect, psychologists also explained its origin: Norwegians love to eat live sardines, but because sardines are lazy by nature and do not like sports, and the return journey is very long, they can be brought back from the sea. There are very few sardines on the pier.It was later discovered that if you put a catfish in the tank with sardines, the situation will be significantly better.Because catfish are afraid in an unfamiliar environment, they will swim around, and when sardines find this alien molecule, they will also get nervous and swim faster.In this way, the sardines returned to the port alive.
From the detailed description of psychologists, it is not difficult for us to understand what is the catfish effect.Why use it to control those who are competitive?This is because, for competitive people, their aggressive nature makes them very interested in "fighting".Therefore, when you control them, as long as you create a passionate fighting environment according to the direction you imagined, you can stimulate their enterprising spirit to fight, and then achieve the effect of "do not wait to raise the whip".
In addition, when we try to conquer those competitive people, because of their competitive nature, they will not be easily conquered and controlled by you, let alone listen to your orders or opinions casually.But if you do what they like, give them the incentive to fight, and lead them to a fighting state they like (this state is exactly what you want), then they will actively develop in this direction .In fact, this direction is exactly what you want.When you lead a person to the state you want, isn't it easy for you to control them and control them?
Although for competitive people, citing the catfish effect can grasp their vital points, and then better control them to serve themselves, but smart people must also master the relevant precautions and methods when using this method Strategy.
find them a competitor
Competitive people have a common characteristic, that is, they like challenges.As for smart people, when controlling and controlling these people, they will satisfy their psychological needs, find a strong competitor for them, and lead them into a state of competition, and this state is exactly what you want them to be. entered state.For example, if you directly ask an aggressive person to play chess with your friend, he may be unwilling or unwilling.But if you say that your friend is a master chess player and can beat him, then he may immediately be stimulated by your words and enter a state of struggle, and he can't help but want to play two moves with your friend.
Take control of the "struggle" and continue with wins and losses
We may have all had this experience: when watching a basketball game, if the strength of the two teams is evenly matched and the score on the field is also very tight, then the players on both sides will definitely become more and more courageous as they fight, or even not Will not give up until the last moment.However, if there is a huge disparity in strength between the two teams, and the score difference is always large during the game, then at the end of the game, the players on both sides may not have much enthusiasm, because the victory or defeat is already a foregone conclusion.
From this experience, wise people will be alerted.That is to say, after leading the competitive people into a state of "struggle", they have to find ways to satisfy the opponent's passion for the next challenge through the outcome of winning or losing, so as to allow the "struggle" to continue.
·The law of mind control·
For competitive people, their aggressive nature makes them very interested in "fighting".Therefore, when you control them, as long as you create a passionate fighting environment according to the direction you imagined, you can stimulate their enterprising spirit to fight, and then achieve the effect of "do not wait to raise the whip".
(End of this chapter)
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