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Chapter 4 About dreams, it's never too late to start (1)
If you want to chase your dreams, it is never too late, the most important thing is that you have the determination to act.When you make up your mind to have the courage to change yourself, your life will change dramatically.

Life is not afraid of failure, if we live wonderfully enough

The process of desperately pursuing is an infinitely beautiful state, no matter what the result is waiting for us, even if it fails in the end, is full of thorns, or hits the south wall, we can still remember it with a smile.

一
When I was in high school, I was seventeen or eighteen, and I met a group of people who played rock music.

I seldom tell people that I also studied music. Although it was an informal study, I had a lot of fun during that time.More than ten years have passed, and the guitar I bought at that time is still by my side.At one time, I thought about giving it to someone who needed it, but in the end I was reluctant.

Yeah, I don't look like a music guy at all. Neither is J.

But we have shared memories.He also went further than me.During that time, every time I recall it, it still makes my blood boil.

two

At the age of fourteen or fifteen, I think we were all the same at that time, dreaming that we could become a big star.No matter where you are, urban or rural, coastal or inland, you may have fantasized about standing on the stage and singing to countless people.

From a realistic point of view, that exaggerated idol is not suitable for teenagers living in small towns and rural areas.But the dream comes, and no one can stop it. You either insist on realizing it, or you hit the wall for it, time and time again, and finally give up. Only after your head is broken, you feel that this is not suitable for you, maybe you should vote for him instead road.

When I was in junior high school, I especially liked to listen to Lin Zhixuan's "Single Love Song".At that time, I bought a repeater, bought pirated tapes on the street, put the repeater on my waist or put it in my schoolbag, pulled out a headphone cable, hummed, sang and shook as I walked.Later, when I came into contact with Beyond, it seemed that I had found a bosom friend in life.

At that time, I felt that Huang Jiaju was not particularly handsome, but he was charming on stage.

Children in rural areas only need a few dollars for daily living expenses.I just kept saving one or two yuan every day. I don’t know how long I saved it, but when I found out, there were already several hundred yuan.In the summer vacation after graduating from junior high school, I bought a ZTE mobile phone worth more than 500 yuan with the money I saved, and bought a green guitar in the stationery and musical instrument store of Xinhua Bookstore.

At that time, I didn't know how to choose a guitar at all.But I feel that the slim guitar color shape is perfect everywhere.Bought a guitar and almost went back that day with a smile on my face.With the guitar on my back, I feel like I'm the center of all eyes.

During that holiday, there were no guitar textbooks, and I didn’t know that guitars needed to be tuned. I just imitated the pictures on TV, plucking or sweeping the strings in a decent way.

three

In high school, I met J.He and I are not in the same class.

At that time, I signed up for a training class at the piano shop outside the school, only to find that the tone of my piano was not good.Can only be used as a practice instrument.The guitar teacher is the lead singer of a band. While opening a piano shop, he works as a guitar teacher, and at the same time, he holds various small commercial performances.The campus of high school is not big, and it is easy for everyone to know who has a guitar.

There is an open space behind J's class. They all put their guitars in that open space. The teacher will regard those guitars as a scourge, but the teacher can't control the students' spare time.My guitar is also in the open space behind their classroom. There are a few boys in J's class who play guitar. Even if there is only a short 10 minutes after class, I will go to their classroom to practice piano with J and his friends.At that time, most of the songs we practiced were Beyond's "Really Love You", "No Hesitation", "Earth", or "Cold Rainy Night".

My piano skills are relatively poor.But every time I learn to play a song, I am very happy.But J can play the piano in his hand very well.I remember one time he took the piano and ran to our dormitory to practice the piano together.When several people do the same thing together, they will always infect each other. The sense of collectiveness brings unconscious mutual promotion, and it is very exciting to practice.

Once two people are high, they can't remember the time and sound.At night, the lights in the dormitory had been turned off, and we turned on the small table lamp to practice while watching the score, and then hummed along.Probably because we were too excited, the dormitory teacher knocked on our door not long after.In the middle of the night, J visited the dormitory in violation of the regulations, and he and I stayed up in the middle of the night and affected other students, so we were dragged to the dormitory office together.We held the guitar in the middle of the night and stood in the office to receive lectures, and that time I also wrote the first guarantee letter in my life.But J looked indifferent, turned around and came out with the guitar, and gave me a wink.

J looks okay, now looking back, he vaguely looks like Su Jianxin, the lead singer of Xin Band.The guitar is very good, the sound is a little rough, not like Huang Jiaju's kind of artist who can stand on the stage and control the stage.But he is the best guitar player among my classmates of the same age.He also writes songs himself, and he writes them pretty well.At that time, I also imitated his appearance and wrote a song by myself. It was the only song I wrote in my life.Many days later, the guitar teacher just smiled and told me no, without saying much.

I don't know where I put the piece of paper with the score on it, or I tore it up, I don't know.

four

After J graduated from high school, he went to study in a coastal city.Because he spent too much time practicing the piano, his academic performance was not satisfactory, so he went to study in a three-book school in the south.On the afternoon when we went to school to get the admission letter, we sat on the steps of the stadium for a long time without talking too much, just encouraging each other, and we must continue to play music and sing together when we have the opportunity.

I never saw him again after that.But I often get some news about him on QQ.Suddenly, I didn't hear from him for a long time.One day, J suddenly asked me on QQ, where am I now, what am I doing, and if I still play guitar.I said that I had stopped practicing and was writing novels.

J said that he didn't finish his university, and felt that it was a waste of youth to go to a nondescript third-level university and learn a major that he didn't know why.Later, he went to Beijing with his guitar on his back, took the tuition fee he got when he dropped out of school and some money he had saved, and settled down in the basement in Beijing.

At that time, many of the people who lived in the basement with him were music players, many migrant workers who came to Beijing to work from other places, and some idlers.At that time, he met the lead singer of a band who had a piano store in Beijing, which was not easy in Beijing.He recognized him as a guitar teacher, and they sang together in various bars in Beijing. Whether it was the bars in Houhai or the bars near various colleges and universities, he had been to them all, but the popularity had not been tepid.

He also said that he spent all his savings and bought a guitar worth more than 2 yuan in the guitar teacher's piano shop.That guitar was all his property, worth more than everything else on him.

He has been in Beijing for many years, and has been rushing between various bars for a long time.For the sake of life, and to seize the opportunity to perform as much as possible. In the ears of music lovers like them, there are mythical legends. No one knows when, in which bar, where they will sing. In this song, you will meet the noble person in your life, and the scouts in the audience will discover you, and you will embark on a formal music career from then on.

But until now, he has never met that noble person in his life.

But he said it was worth it.At least I sang by myself, and met many people who are still pursuing silently like myself, some quit before him, and many people were still persisting when he left Beijing. Their life may not be so good life, but has been persisting, and often everyone will get together on weekends, go to the woods in the suburbs for picnics, and practice singing with guitars.At that time, the fellow singers chipped in to buy a pickup truck, which has long been used as a means of transportation for them to transfer or go out for fun.

After tossing for so long, at the age of 25, it has been 5 years since he dropped out of school and went north to leaving Beijing.He felt that he had finally discovered that this path was not suitable for him.He plans to go back to Chongqing to find a job, or open a piano store, and regard his guitars worth more than 2 yuan as the treasure of the store.

五

He pursued his music dream from his teens to his 20s. In the past ten years, his friends have found good jobs, and some of them have even made a lot of money. He finally bid farewell to that "exaggerated dream". .Perhaps for most people, he woke up too late. It's unreasonable to be 25 years old, without a college degree, and have to start from scratch to work.But he is truly one of the most admirable people in my past life.He didn't have much money and no diploma, but he went from the place where his music dream started, from the coastal city in the south to Beijing, the capital, from a student to a resident singer chasing his dream, hit the south wall, lived in poverty, but insisted for many years.I used all my money to buy a guitar worth more than 2 yuan.

In the eyes of most young people, getting married, starting a business, being rich, having a beautiful wife, owning a big house, or taking a girl who is much younger than themselves without a wife at the class reunion is the pinnacle of life. It is a kind of success, but without the instinctive desire for life deep in the soul.

Compared with J, I am a person who compromised with life earlier.

Like him, I used to be a person with music dreams. Perhaps in the process of pursuing my dreams, I woke up too early, so early that I felt that if I persisted, I would be in a mess and my life would be left far behind by others.When I was in college, because I liked to read books, I started writing novels and wrote a lot of stories. I think maybe being a writer or editor is more suitable for me than being a singer.

On the road of music dreams, I compromised early, and I don’t know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. If I talk about my writing path, or my current editing path, after I am cut off, can I still persist and survive? In the past, a new road was quickly changed.Such a choice seems too sophisticated and smooth.

On the road of music, J and I may both be losers in the end, but J's failure is a great failure, a failure after pursuing and trying, and a pride that can be said for failure.That time, J and I chatted for a long time on QQ, talking about the night when we were caught by the dormitory teacher to write a review; we talked about the joy of playing guitar behind their classroom, which attracted many girls from their class to watch Time; talking about the time when we graduated, we sat on the school football field all afternoon and encouraged each other to continue playing music... I have kept the guitar I bought when I was in junior high school.My compromised musical dreams still get my blood pumping when I talk to J.The reason why I didn't throw away that guitar, and didn't give it away, is that deep down in my heart, even today, I still have the pursuit of the past buried.

Talking about that dream, watching the documentary of "Woodstock Music Festival", the boys with wavy hair and girls in bohemian dresses in the documentary, let me see the beauty and unlimited freedom ; or when interviewing the punk band Demerit, Chongqing local singer Chongqing Children, and interviewing the heroine of the movie "once" and Oscar-best soundtrack Marketa Irglova, I always felt that I was approaching my dream in another form. I feel that the time of playing music with J is a kind of day that is worthy of infinite aftertaste even if it fails in a mess.Sometimes there is such a dream brewing in your heart, and the process of desperately pursuing it is an infinitely beautiful state, no matter what results are waiting for you, even if you fail in the end, it is full of thorns, and you hit the south wall. You can still remember with a smile.

I used to feel that the memory of loving music and writing a bad song was a shame, a failure of myself, that guitar I wanted to give to those who needed it many times, or throw it away where I would never see it again The place, let the heart of failure or surrender be so calmly forgotten, but in the end I still feel, keep it, it is the trace of my chasing dreams.It may have failed, but it was wonderful.

I dare not even think about it, how can I deserve to have a bloom

A picture appeared in my mind, she stood in the crowd in the rush on the streets of Beijing, she looked lonely and weak, but she was strong and full of passion...

一
Miss Y told me that day that she was going to quit.This surprised me a bit.

She's the kind of girl who doesn't seem to have high aspirations.Of course it can't be said that way, her personal pursuit is to eat well, dress well, find a handsome man who loves her to marry, and then live a life of peace and contentment.Being handsome is very important to her.She is a typical appearance association member.To some extent, this is probably the highest pursuit of life.

Y is still my editor.When she told me that she was going to change jobs, my manuscript had already been handed over to her and was in the editing stage.I was a little apprehensive at the time.I thought, if you leave, who will be responsible for my book?
I said, don't you work well?Why do you suddenly want to quit?
She said that she woke up that day, turned on the computer, saw the real estate news, clicked in, and saw the city she loves—the average price of house prices in Beijing is 25000 to 30000 yuan.She has been studying, working and living in Beijing for almost 10 years, and she cannot leave the city anymore.Now she can't go back to her hometown, but she doesn't belong to Beijing either.After living a comfortable life for too long, I was suddenly hit by a wandering thought without a sense of belonging, and the strong fear and hesitation in my heart came quietly.

She said that the job-hopping was still because of money.Although a house cannot give people a sense of security for a lifetime, if you want to gain a firm foothold in the city of Beijing, if you have a house, it obviously solves too many problems.

A girl who didn't have many dreams suddenly listed earning money as her dream, and wanted to earn money desperately to buy a house in Beijing at 25000 to 30000 yuan per square meter.One can imagine how stressful it was.

In any case, she said, she thought she should try it.

When she said this, I didn't have the slightest doubt about this seemingly flashy dream.She even dropped my book and made some attempts and efforts, which surprised me but admired her.I said, jump ship.If you can find a job that is good enough and the salary is high enough, don't forget me when you buy a house in Beijing.

I don't know what awaits her.It may be Don Quixote who is riding a skinny horse, holding a broken weapon and fighting a windmill, but he still holds his head up with pride that cannot be underestimated.A picture appeared in my mind, she stood in the crowd in a hurry on the streets of Beijing, she looked lonely and weak, but powerful and full of passion.

two

Presumably every dream begins with an almost impossible imagination.

There is a popular saying recently, "I have to hold on to the bullshit I boasted back then with tears in my eyes."Back then, the bragging we made was sometimes like a small truck deep in our hearts, with the sound of tearing and screaming, a stream of unyielding blood ran from the bottom of our hearts.

A pretty powerful best-selling author talked about her experience.

She said that she had also done some high-paying jobs that had nothing to do with her dreams, and that was for survival, not for living.She turned down a high salary offered by the company run by her family.Later, she entered a foreign company with her own ability, and the income and treatment were very good, but after working for a while, she found that it was not what she wanted.

After tossing around for a while, she also had some savings.She knew this wasn't what she wanted for work and life.

So she told her boss at the time that she was going to resign.She wanted to write, wanted to publish her own book.

The boss at the time really laughed out loud.How ruthless.The harsh laughter poured cold water on her.But she still left this high-paying foreign company.She was very sad and walked resolutely.

(End of this chapter)