Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 1 The House of the Savior (1)
It was a sunny morning, and I was wearing a seven-horse leopard brand black windbreaker and sunglasses, and opened the door to the second floor with vigor.

With the creaking sound of the dilapidated wooden door opening, a large swath of sunlight poured into the room like flowing water, illuminating my whole body. At that moment, the wind blew the corners of my windbreaker into the air.

From such a cool appearance, you can see that I am not a pool thing.

My name is Ma Shu, male, I am 26 years old, handsome and handsome, I am a young and promising young entrepreneur, I have a car and a house, and I am also a charterer. The small second floor in front of me is my property.

Speaking of this small second floor, it is not easy.From its simple appearance, you can see that it is extraordinary. You can basically see the mottled outer wall of the small second floor and the poplar trees in front of the building that show a half-dead state regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter. People will blurt out and shout: "Haunted house!"

You are right, this is a haunted house that gathers outstanding talents from the three worlds of humans, ghosts and demons!
As soon as I walked out of the room, I saw a beautiful woman standing in front of me. I quickly sprained my foot and fell towards her. After the beautiful woman avoided everyone's expectations, the man next to her who was always smiling foolishly moved with extremely quick movements. He quickly supported me.

"Brother Ma, you have to be careful." The seductive woman smiled coquettishly and winked at me, then walked into the house with a slight twist of her willow waist.Leaving me standing there alone, looking at her back in a daze.

Few men in this world can resist the temptation of this vixen called San Niang, and I am no exception.

Sanniang lived in the small second floor almost at the same time as me, with countless mysteries on her body, she once said she wanted to eat me but was conquered by my beauty, she offered to help me a lot, but I still don’t know that she came here the goal of.

All in all, she's an enigmatic vixen.

"Horsepower surgery, what are you having for lunch?" The one who walked past Sanniang and walked out of the house was a gentle woman with a Xiaojiabiyu temperament.

Although she looks like a first-class beauty, her real face is painted skin. As long as she sees the mosaic-like Ultraman's body under her skin, no one will have illusions about her.

Yunmei and I got to know each other through Die Xian's supernatural murder incident. Her special skill is to change the appearance according to the appearance painted on the human skin. According to her, she can draw lifelike images no matter how tall, short, fat or thin, male, female, old or young. Can't tell the truth from the fake.

I naively thought that if she could change her skin, she would also change her face. Changing a human face is definitely more interesting than changing a Beijing opera mask, so I suggested to Yunmei that she do a face-changing magic show for me.But because Yunmei was not proficient in face-changing skills, she paused for a long time between taking off her current face and putting on a new one.

Watching that performance caused a considerable psychological shadow on me, and I couldn't eat a bite of meat in the next month.

Recalling the bloody scene at that time, my stomach churned, and I said calmly, "Be a vegetarian."

"Okay." Yun Mei nodded obediently, and walked back to the house.

Immediately another female ghost floated out: "Uncle Mary! Uncle Mary!"

When she stopped in front of me, she stopped, but her tongue didn't stop, and it hit my face with a 'snap'.

It is not difficult to see from the length of the tongue and the sensitivity of speaking that this is a hanged ghost.

Her name is Kong Ting, and she was the daughter of the general's family. She lost her memory after being killed in the second floor of the small building. She stayed here for decades and waited for her husband. Finally, with our help It was resolved satisfactorily, and she also found her true destiny, Wang Liang. One person and one ghost are currently in a sweet honeymoon period.

Resigned to my fate, I wiped the saliva off my face and asked her, "What's wrong?"

"Uncle Mary!" Kong Ting looked at me in embarrassment, and pointed to the living room, "I think the man's head is too hard, do you think Susu can let him down?"

On the vase in the living room, there is a man's head stuck to the wall, as if aware that we are looking at him, he smiled happily, showing a mouthful of white teeth and greeted us: "Hello, Gude Maoning."

"Hey..." I scratched my hair impatiently.

The man's head is Guan Xing, who died in the second floor of the small building 100 years ago.He was caught in a very bizarre fog of events.Later, in order to find his younger brother Guan Wu who disappeared in the incident, he stayed here all the time.A hundred years later, we encountered the same situation. The man's head finally found out the whereabouts of his younger brother, but we couldn't rescue his younger brother at that time. Now it seems that his younger brother is already in danger.

After the Guan Xing incident was resolved, the ghost chap who was in charge of this area once said that he could find a good chance to reincarnate the male head, but he refused.

There are two reasons for his reluctance to leave. One is that he still holds a glimmer of hope that he can save Guan Wu, and the other is that he has always felt sorry for us for getting us involved in a dangerous incident last time.I don’t know what novel I read on the Internet recently, saying that European castles like to hang a sheep’s head, an ox’s head, a horse’s head, and a pig’s head on the wall to show their style, so he started to learn to hang it on the wall of my house every day, calling it decoration The house does its part.

He was kind, but there was a human head hanging on the wall, which made me panic when I saw it!It's fine if there is no one, but if someone comes, wouldn't you be scared to death?If you don't believe me, go out and ask, who would be happy to see a head hanging on the wall of their house?

"Shall we come down?" I persuaded the man with good words.

"Mistoma, I'm a person who repays your kindness." The man said, "If you don't let me hang here, I have to think of other ways to repay your kindness...or I will write you a poem every day?"

"Don't!" I waved my hand and said, "Then you should hang around here."

The man looked at me sadly: "Although I'm just a human head, but I really want to do something for you, I want to be a useful human head haha—"

The sound of his last word was drawn out because at the last word he was kicked out, drawing a perfect arc in the air.

"Hahahaha, the ball..." The man who ran and chased the man's head while laughing like silver bells was called Reddy Gaga. He is a thief with amazing stealing skills, but he is very elusive in terms of his behavior and personality traits. If he could be summed up in one sentence, he - Reddy Gaga, was a crazy man.

Sensing eyes on me, I turned my head and saw the storage room door snap shut.

There lived a kid in that storage room. He was withdrawn and never talked to us. He was the most out-of-group person in the small second floor.

As you can see, there are all kinds of powerful demons and monsters living in this building, and as a young, promising and handsome human being, I can survive here safely, except for my good looks and cute personality. In addition, I have to rely on my other identity.

Young Entrepreneur is just one of my many titles, and my other popular title is Taoist Priest!
My master is the famous Tianshi Zhang, who should belong to the cadres of the heavenly realm. All in all, he is a man with a bright future, and I am his apprentice, so obviously I won't be far behind.

I straightened my tie, waved my hand, and said calmly and dignifiedly, "Drive my car over here."

Lady Gaga came running back and pushed my Rolls-Royce BMW Red Star bicycle over.

I stretched out my hand and said, "Tools."

Lady Quack handed me my work gear right away.

A stack of small B5-sized advertisements, a bucket of paste, and a brush.

The working conditions are all in place, and it is time to start working.I stepped on the bicycle, and while listening to the beautiful accompaniment of the bicycle "creaking", I rode hard towards the city.

When I rode far away, I turned my head and took a look at my small second floor. The dilapidated building stood in the sunshine, and when I thought of the situation that the small second floor was surrounded by fog, I couldn't help but feel a lot of emotion in my heart.

The person who set up the formation is super powerful and elusive, we call him the "life changer".

This life-changing person is related to many things that happened before, and he is a very difficult character.

The Pixiu jade pendant I was wearing on my chest fell out of my neckline as I rode a bicycle, and dangled on my chest.

This jade pendant is a meeting gift from my master, and inside it is the Pixiu, one of the Nine Sons of the Dragon.The character of this creature is a bit distorted, its mana is not very strong, its appearance is very vicious, and it sleeps for most of the day, but it is quite useful at critical moments.

"Horsepower." Pixiu said to me through telepathy, "I have something to tell you about the man who changed his life."

Hearing his serious tone, I hurriedly asked in a low voice, "What's the matter?"

Pixiu said: "If the man's head incident was also done by the person who changed his life, then the matter is not simple. Together with what happened to Kong Ting last time, the person who changed his life several times was all related to this small second floor. character, I don't think it's a coincidence."

In fact, it doesn’t need to be said by him. I heard Guan Wu talk about the man who changed his life before, and I already had a faint feeling that he had some kind of plan for us.

Pixiu said: "We don't know what his purpose is, but we can't sit still, we must act in advance."

"Yes, the enemy is strong and we are weak, the enemy is in the dark and we are in the light." I nodded: "It is not too late, I will go back and pack up my things and run away."

"He has supernatural powers, you can't hide from him even if you run away." Pai Yao said, "Horsepower, you must learn magic and Taoism from now on to enhance your cultivation!"

"Yes!" I said with a chuckle, "I'm still a Taoist priest, if I really meet the man who changed his life, I'll accept him."

"Let's not say that now we don't know if he is a demon or not." Pai Yao sighed, "Even if he is a demon, you can't help it, let alone accept him. As a Taoist priest, you can't even save a ghost."

I said, "I just got a professional title for this Taoist priest, and I haven't had time to learn techniques. You can't expect me to master things you haven't learned before, can you?"

"It can only be blamed on your lack of diligence." Pai Yao said, "Master Zhang is upstairs at the altar, but you never go to ask for advice."

I said, "Didn't you say that Zhang Tianshi travels all over the world and is usually not there?"

Pixiu said: "He is your master, as long as you beg him sincerely, he will definitely not ignore you."

Hearing what he said, I didn't say much. I finished my work at full speed and went back to the small second floor. Then I came to the altar, knelt down and said to the bearded Taoist priest: "Master, I am worshiped by my disciples. Now My disciple is in trouble, and someone is making trouble for my disciple, so please help me, Master."

After speaking, he kowtowed three more times.

I waited there after knocking, but there was no response after waiting for a long time. I stood up, waved my hand in front of the statue, and asked, "Master, are you there? Someone is here to pick a spot!"

The statue didn't move.I waved in front of his eyes again: "Hey, are you awake?"

Still nothing, I said to Pai Yao: "The old man is not here, let's come again next time."

To be honest, I really don't have any special feelings about the bearded statue. If Pixiu hadn't mentioned it, I might have really forgotten about it. I think if I really want to count on it, Sanniang Yunmei is more reliable than this statue.

So I wasn't too disappointed. After worshiping the bearded beard, I ran to get in touch with Sanniang Yunmei, and the three of them fought all night.

Who knew that when I went to bed that night, I had a strange dream.

Although it was a dream, I felt that my mind was very clear. I was standing on a piece of grass, and then I saw an old Taoist with white hair, white eyebrows and white robe floating from the sky.

I took a closer look, and found that this Taoist priest was exactly the same as the statue enshrined in the second floor of the small building. It was Zhang Tianshi, and I couldn't help but blurted out: "Master!"

The Taoist said to me: "I have also heard about you from Pixiu. It is said that although you have experienced a lot, you have not made any progress in Taoism."

Hey, Pikachu even ran to complain.

"Master, I really don't think this matter can be blamed on me." I said, "Taoist priests are not as unlucky as I am now. You say that I have also cured a few ghosts and demons. No matter how little experience points, I can rise to level two." Level up? It’s fine if you don’t let me level up, at least give me a reward for passing the level, such as advanced equipment and beautiful assistants, right? Well, I haven’t seen anything except the birth charm and waves of monsters. Besides, Others have special occupations, their luck value is infinitely close to [-]%, and the plug-ins are like free money. Some people give equipment, others give money, and some beautiful women pay for it. They don’t even need to touch the sky to drop gold and pie. What about me? Okay? It’s easy to get a small second floor haunted every day, a vixen in the family who thinks about eating me every day, a female painted skin who runs naked and scares people to death, a man’s head who regards himself as a decorative painting, and a silent kid who has no hobbies other than scaring people , I finally picked up a living person in the water and fire, and it was still Reddy Gaga."

Zhang Tianshi nodded and looked at me with sympathy: "Indeed, it's not easy for you."

I took a long breath and continued: "Actually, I feel sad when I hear a man tell me about three grams of oil these days." The more I said it, the more sad I became, and I wiped away my bitter tears and said, "Look Zero Zero Seven, no matter how bad Wei Xiaobao is, who doesn’t deal with a matter with an extra beautiful woman in his arms, and then look at Lao Tzu, who desperately tried to escape, but in the end, a man told me that the trouble was too much, and he was still a head! If you haven't experienced wind and rain, you can't step on mud, and if you haven't met monsters, you don't know how cruel the world is, which is too bad."

Zhang Tianshi said: "They are all fictitious characters. As a Taoist priest, you can't be too ambitious. You have to live in the present, live in reality, and be able to distinguish between illusion and reality."

Isn't this nonsense, you ran into my dream and told me the reality, now I look at you and feel that my life is very unrealistic!

"My opponent is too powerful, I definitely can't fight." I asked, "Master, can you think of a way to let me improve my cultivation for hundreds of years at once, so that I can eliminate harm for the people."

Zhang Tianshi said: "If it was a few hundred years earlier, this matter would have been easy to handle, but in recent hundreds of years, many cultivators have begun to protest that there are too many examples of human relations being unfair to them. Therefore, the Heavenly Court began to crack down on the back door of this aspect. The management is getting stricter every year, and this quota is tens of thousands of times more difficult than your human customs civil servant examination. It's not easy to handle..."

He even cited the most cruel, bloody and fiercely competitive civil service exam as an example, so I don't have much to say, and asked: "Then Master, how about you give me some magic weapons?"

Zhang Tianshi said: "Any magic weapon has spirituality. If you don't have enough magic power, taking these things will do you a hundred harms but no benefit."

I said: "How about this, Master, you are very skilled in Daoism, so why not beat him for me."

Zhang Tianshi said: "I have important things at hand, and my real body can't make it there, otherwise I wouldn't give you a thousand miles in my dream."

As soon as I heard this, I couldn't do it, and I couldn't do that, it didn't make me wait to die.So he pulled the master's robe and shouted: "Master! The enemy is fierce, and this disciple can't stand it. If there is any trouble, you must help me take care of my second uncle's seventh niece."

Zhang Tianshi said: "It's not that there is no way at all. Well, let me show you a clear way, you go to find someone, that is the helper I found for you."

As soon as I heard it, I regained my energy and quickly asked, "Who?"

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I opened my eyes and woke up.

I sat up and saw that I was holding a piece of paper in my hand, on which was written a line of calligraphy - "Tomorrow at three o'clock in the afternoon, thirty miles to the east, there are people who are either red or green."

At [-]:[-] p.m. the next day, I took a compass, got on my bicycle and rode eastward, strictly following the east direction pointed by the compass along the way, and when I was almost there, I began to pay attention to the pedestrians on the left and right.

This happened to be in the village, and there were not many villagers who came out against the sun at noon, but they all said that red and green match shit. It is really not easy to find such a person with special aesthetics among all living beings.

I searched for a long time and didn't see a single person with red and green on his body. I parked my bicycle under a tree disheartened, squatted under the tree and watched people while smoking a cigarette.

This is the market in the village, with the most people coming and going.As soon as I squatted down, I saw a woman walking over with a child in her arms. The woman put the child on the ground because she couldn't free her hands when picking vegetables.The child looked to be only about two years old, wearing a red hat, a red jacket and green overalls, dressed like a mixed version of Super Mario.

As soon as I saw the child's clothes, I was happy, and I felt a little ouch in my heart, thinking that this is not a person with red and green!
When the child saw me looking at him, he stretched out his head and looked over, with his big finger wrapped in his mouth, his eyes were unpredictable.

I thought to myself that Master wouldn't lie to me, I saw a lot of ghosts and goblins, so there was nothing strange about it.This child is definitely not ordinary, don't look at the child on the surface, in fact, maybe it is the dragon king of the East China Sea, the great sage Qi Tian, ​​who turned into a dog.

So I moved my head closer, looked at him mysteriously, and asked in a low voice, "A master?"

The child wiped his nose with his hands.

I continued in a low voice, "I'm horsemanship."

"Shu..." The child stretched out his hand to pull my clothes, and called out inarticulately, "Uncle."

"Don't call me uncle, you can call me brother." I didn't care about the disgusting snot and saliva, and pulled the child's face, "We all know each other's details, so you don't have to pretend, hurry up, show the truth and be honest with each other .”

Who knew that the child would cry out, his mother was startled, quickly picked up the child and coaxed him, scolded me: "Crazy!" and then left angrily.

"Master! Master!" When I saw them walking, I quickly stood up and chased after them. Just as I started to take a step, I suddenly heard someone fake coughing: "Ahem."

Turning his head, he saw an old man sitting next to him, shirtless and squatting in a hurdle vest, holding half a slice of watermelon in his hand and eating watermelon, his hair was combed into a bun, and the black beard on his chin was braided into a twist Braid, looks a little familiar.

Blame the old man, I glanced at him, turned around and continued to shout: "Master, wait for me."

The old man raised the watermelon in his hand and shouted, "Look at this."

I said: "A watermelon, what's so good about it."

"Red and green, I'm the one you're looking for." The old man said, "Ma Lishu, you still don't call me Second Master."

"How do you know my name?" I asked.

The old man smiled calmly, untied the rubber band of his beard on his chin, and explained to me: "A loose beard is easy to get watermelon juice on it."

Then he picked up a Taoist robe from the side and put it on slowly: "If the clothes are stained with watermelon juice, they can't be washed off."

He was quite thoughtful.

(End of this chapter)