Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 2 The House of the Savior (2)
Then the old man patted his clothes, nodded to me, and said to me with an otherworldly expression: "Horsepower, we meet again."

I was dizzy when I saw it, isn't this the black-bearded Taoist priest who tried to cheat me of money before!

The last time Sanniang chased him and lost him, why did he come here again? This is because money is tight and he wants to fool me?
The old man with the black beard nodded to me while smoothing his beard: "Ma Shizhu, I am the person you are looking for."

Look at this sanctimonious look, if I meet him for the first time, I must be deceived by him.I looked at him left and right, and asked, "Your ones are red and green, is this the watermelon?"

"Red and green match is bullshit." Black Beard said proudly, "Poverty Taoist is a generation of famous Taoists, so naturally he has to take his image into consideration, why would he wear such vulgar clothes? I have been eating this piece of watermelon for more than ten minutes, and I am waiting come here."

Eat a piece of watermelon in ten minutes!Are you still paying attention to your image?
I looked at him suspiciously, thinking that my master would not be so careless to find such a helper for me.

The Taoist obviously saw that I didn't believe him, so he picked up the whisk from the ground and threw it forward, pointing to the child who was going away, and said, "If you don't believe me, why don't you believe that child who is less than two years old? Look at us, who is it?" More believable?"

I looked at the kid and then at him.Black Beard nodded to me confidently, I looked at the child again, turned my head and shouted at the child: "Master, wait for me!"

"Come back!" The Taoist finally jumped and pulled me back.

I asked, "Are you really invited by my master to help me?"

The black-bearded Taoist nodded deeply.

I said, "It's not going to work, I want to beat you up as soon as I see you, a hypocrite, we can't get along."

"You still want to beat me up?" Blackbeard asked morally, "Your master originally planned to ask someone else to help you, but thanks to my special fight with your master, he finally agreed to let me help you. You don't appreciate it."

Hearing what he said, I felt a little guilty. Maybe this bearded man is really a good person. I asked, "Who did my master invite?"

The black-bearded Taoist said, "God Erlang."

I hit him without hesitation, then turned around and left.

The black-bearded Taoist hugged my leg from behind and shouted: "Hey, don't do this. I only help you because of your extraordinary appearance. You should listen to me at least."

When I heard this, I became curious, stopped and asked, "How do I look?"

The black-bearded Taoist said: "Look at the bottom of your hair are the eyebrows, the eyebrows are the eyes, the nose is in the middle of the eyes, the mouth is under the nose, two ears, two eyebrows, two eyes, one mouth and one nose. This domineering appearance proves that you are different. Ordinary."

I thought about it carefully, and found that what he said was very reasonable, it really was the case!

"I tested you last time, and you were not moved by my ability at all. It's really rare." The Taoist waved the whisk again, and looked at me seriously, "Recently, I watched the sky at night, and found that the sky suddenly changed, foretelling evil spirits. The rampage will cause chaos in the world. In a hurry, I quickly gossip about fortune-telling, and it turns out that you are the one who can save all this, and I am sure that you are the one I am looking for, so I came to approach you on purpose."

"You mean," I laughed, "that I'm the savior?"

"That's right." The Taoist priest nodded, "There was only one person like you more than 1000 years ago. At that time, he was also fighting to save the world, working very hard."

"And then, what happened to him?"

"he died."

"Did he die to save the world?" I thought, this man is quite great and respectful.

"No, I choked to death after eating too fast."

"..."

The Taoist patted his shoulder: "So now it's your turn."

"Why do I think it's so unlucky for you to say this. No, what should the world do if the savior dies? If there is only one savior, won't the world be destroyed if he dies?"

"It should be like this. Heaven shouldn't intervene in human affairs. But there is nothing to do when things like eating and choking to death happen, because this is an irresistible factor, so Heaven urgently sends out gods to help calm the situation down." gone."

"Why is it an irresistible factor? Why on earth would you choke to death while eating?" I found out that the savior didn't do other meaningful things other than choking to death while eating.

"It's a long story." The black-bearded Taoist priest said, "I don't know when rumors spread that ginseng fruit can be swallowed whole. That happened to be the Queen Mother's birthday and the 360th Immortal World Congress. All the immortals gathered together, and the former savior also went to meet the world. The Jade Emperor and the Queen Mother rewarded each immortal with a ginseng fruit. Wanzhang said that he wanted to swallow the ginseng fruit in one gulp. The gods thought it was his special skill, and they were very happy when they saw his face change. , drink more. It turned out that after everyone drank a round of wine, they found that the former savior had..." Blackbeard shook his head in pain, "he has passed away...Although it is said that human beings should solve the world's affairs by themselves, after all, the savior is Died in the heaven, so the Jade Emperor made an exception to help the world once. But you know, the pervert who wants to destroy the world is like the flu, and it comes back after a while. Recently, I watched the sky at night, counted my fingers, and found another Something is about to move..."

How unreliable is this heaven?It's like a forest of wine and meat!No one will feel sorry for the savior who died like this. I want to yell at the former savior: "You deserve it, I want you to show off!"

"Wait..." I suddenly thought of another thing, "Don't you have a life and death policy, why don't you know that the savior will die."

"This is under the jurisdiction of the underworld, I don't know." Blackbeard said, "But according to the underworld, since he is chosen as the savior, his fate has already escaped the third life, and it cannot be grasped by mere life and death books."

Yes, his life is completely in the hands of Ginseng Fruit.I said, "Okay, then tell me how you chose me."

Blackbeard said: "I searched among the people I knew by casting lots and casting dice, and finally found you."

I asked, "How many people do you know?"

The Taoist said, "Five people."

"Oh," I estimated my own strength, "they should all be amazing people, right?"

"The other four are old man Wang in his 70s who looks after a car shed in the city, Xiao Hua who just started kindergarten in the village, Aunt Zhang from the neighborhood committee, and a strong young man named Zhang Zhi."

"...Okay, let's not talk about anything else, why didn't you find that Zhang Zhi?"

"Actually, he was the one I counted for the first time, but when I went to find him later, I found that he was exhausted from dysentery and went to the toilet. He didn't have a foothold, and he slammed his head on the toilet and killed him. So I counted the second one." The second time, it turned out to be old man Wang, I think God has the virtue of being good at life, old man Wang has to use a cane to walk when he is old, it is too embarrassing for him to save the world, so forget it again, this time it is you." He shot He patted me on the shoulder, "You have to trust me, I'm a good fortune teller, this is your destiny."

Then there is no one else but me. I wondered if this Taoist priest took a fancy to my house and deliberately harmed me: "Well, even if it is me, take a step back and say, what if I die too?"

"Don't worry, after you die, I will continue to look for the next one. After you die, there will be someone who comes after you. There are so many people in China, sooner or later I will find the one who saves the world."

What on earth are you thinking about saving the world!

I beat him again without hesitation, and walked away.

Blackbeard shouted from behind: "Horsepower, you have to believe my words, I saw that your seal has turned black, and you must have bad luck recently, if you quickly ask me as a teacher, you will still be saved."

I thought to myself that it would be intimidating for you to be an old man, you can't even beat Sanniang, and I might as well go back and find Sanniang for tutoring after tutoring or something if I ask you to be my teacher.

As soon as I got to the entrance of the village, I saw a group of villagers hurrying to the west. I quickly pulled one up and asked, "What's wrong?"

The villager hurriedly said: "There are dead people in the west!"

dead?I was shocked, and my heart was terrified.

After going through so many things, I feel a lot of shadows in my heart now. When I heard that someone died nearby, I felt that it must have something to do with me.Everyone gathered around a yard, and heard someone crying in the yard from a long distance. When they walked in, they saw that the ground at the entrance of the yard was dripping with blood.

It looks like they just had a group fight.

I took a closer look and saw that this was an ordinary courtyard in the countryside. There were a few ducks and a jujube tree planted in it. One of the young women kept crying while hugging a man. The man was motionless with a broken head. There was a big gash, and the head was blood red.

Someone next to him asked, "Did you call an ambulance?"

Another person said: "I haven't come yet after being called, and I can't be rescued even if I come here. They are all dead."

I asked, "How is this done?"

The man said: "The city bought this piece of land and said it was going to build a factory. For some reason, the land of Wu Xiang's family was zoned in for some reason. The family members went to the city to look for those units. Push it to me and I pushed it to you for several months without giving a conclusion. As a result, people here come here every day to say that they want to demolish the house. Today they come to demolish the house, and the two sides started fighting. I don’t know how to fight this fight. Wu Xiang was beaten to death."

I sighed for a while, thinking that this matter was man-made and had nothing to do with monsters, and if it had nothing to do with monsters, it was nothing to do with me.So I looked at it and went home.

Going back to the small second floor, I saw Sanniang and Yunmei standing at the door of the storage room where the little ghost was, and I didn't know what to say, so I went up and asked, "What are you talking about?"

Sanniang rolled her eyes and looked over with a smile. She was about to speak, but she was taken aback for a moment. The smile on her face faded, she stared at me and asked, "Why do you smell? Did you meet that dead Taoist priest?"

I smelled myself, but there was no smell at all, Sanniang has a weird nose.

"After I saw the dead Taoist priest last time, I put a secret fragrance on him, and only I can smell the smell." Sanniang said, "Did you see him? Where is the dead Taoist priest?"

I knew that Sanniang and the black beard had disputes in the past, but I didn't know that the hatred between them was so deep. I guessed in my heart that the prudish Taoist priest must have cheated the vixen a lot of money, so I said: "I drove him away. Don't talk about it, what are you doing here?"

San Niang turned her head disappointed.Yun Mei said: "I have lived here for so long, but I have never seen the children here come out a few times. Since we all live together, we are considered family members..." Yun Mei blushed pretty when she said this, Whispered, "I want to chat with him and improve our relationship."

Hearing our words, the heads of the hanged ghost and the man floated over.

"This kid is very shy." The hanged ghost said: "I have been here for so many years, and he has never talked to me."

"But at the time, Mysterma," the man looked at me, "oh, it wasn't you, it was Mr. Ma Jianmin, the great-grandson of your grandfather's second uncle's uncle. When Oudemistro was around, this kid often came out to talk to him. Communicate, but usually Odmistema talks and the kid listens."

I feel that the great-grandson of my grandfather's second uncle's great-grandfather is different, compassionate, and able to chat with such an autistic child, that is quite powerful, with two brushes.After hearing these words, an image of a great and noble old man emerged in my heart, and I was so moved incomparably.

So I asked with a pious heart: "What are they talking about?"

The head of the man said: "Talk about mahjong, poker, Pai Gow. Odmistoma has no other hobbies, but this one. His poker friends make friends all over the world. From heaven to hell, few demons and gods can escape him poisonous claws."

"..." I said, "Are you plausible? He's still a child, so you can't teach him something normal?"

The head of the man said: "It's not that we don't teach...it's that we can't communicate with him..."

I asked: "Why?"

As if hearing what we said, the door of the storage room opened a little, and the kid held the door and opened his eyes and looked at me.

"We don't know how Odmistoma communicated with him," the man interjected, "but the truth is, he couldn't speak to any of us.

"Can't talk?" I asked strangely, "Why?"

"Little friend." Yun Mei walked to the door of the storage room, knelt down and asked the little devil gently, "Can I have a word with my sister?"

It's strange to say that the kid is usually full of hostility when he sees me approaching, but now that Yun Mei walks up to him, he doesn't react much.

These days, even little ghosts know the difference between men and women.

Yun Mei reached out to touch the kid's head again, and said, "Isn't it lonely to be alone? Come out and chat with my sister."

At this moment, Yunmei's whole body exuded a halo of motherly love, even that little ghost couldn't bear the halo of killing, finally opened her mouth slowly, and said, "Ah... ah..."

"Oh!" He opened his mouth, and Yunmei, who was closest to him, saw everything and shouted, "He has no tongue!"

Tongueless?I hurriedly bent down to look, and sure enough, I saw that the little devil's tongue was missing half of his mouth, so he couldn't speak.

"That's why I said he couldn't talk to us." The man nodded, "He was already like this when I came here. Master Ma Jianmin, the great-grandson of your grandfather's second uncle's uncle, said he was cut off before he was alive." Tongue."

Yunmei covered her mouth with tears and said, "It's too cruel." Sanniang also frowned beside her.

Even I couldn't stand this matter, and said, "It's immoral, why do you treat children like this, bullying people, so there is no law on the protection of minors, isn't it?"

The man said, "Master Ma told us that it was intentional. The child's family was poor, but because of his strange birth date, he was spotted by a gambler and bought him."

"It turned out to be bought by a gambler," Sanniang asked, "Could it be raising a kid?"

I asked: "Raise a kid?"

Sanniang nodded and said: "Many gamblers raise little ghosts in order to win more games, but they usually choose the dead, and some wicked people will not hesitate to kill people if they want to have little ghosts with strong mana."

"Yes!" The man nodded his head and said, "It is said that the man did not know where he heard that the child met the requirements everywhere, but he was talkative, and he would lose his temper if he talked too much, so he cut off his tongue. Believed in heresy words, shut him up in a dark room without seeing the sun all year round, fed him vegetarian food for three years, bathed him in rainwater every day, and finally poured melted gold water into the child's esophagus, made the child alive died."

"Stupid!" Wang Liang scolded, "You can do such an exaggerated thing!"

"Gold was an indispensable material for the emperors in ancient China to make alchemy." Sanniang said, "At that time, what you humans thought was expensive was good."

We were terrified when we heard the man's first words, but the kid was expressionless, as if what we were talking about had nothing to do with him.

It is said that children of this age are the most vulnerable. It seems that those things have cast a great shadow on his mind, which is why he has such a withdrawn and autistic personality.His appearance made Yun Mei feel very distressed, she hugged the little ghost and said, "It's okay, my sister will love you from now on."

"Actually, I also want to care about him. There are only two of us in this room." The man said, "but mutual communication can cultivate feelings. He can't talk to me, and he doesn't usually make a sound. We are ghosts themselves are very empty. Loneliness, after a long time, I will get used to it.”

"Not being able to speak is indeed a big problem." I was thinking, and I caught sight of Kong Ting standing next to Wang Liang, slapped her thigh and said, "Hey, isn't it just the tongue, we have so many resources!"

Kong Ting was taken aback, and said, "Shrimp?"

I said: "Your tongue is so long, hurry up and cut a piece of it for the kid to even it out. Hurry up, you'll be able to speak easily after it's evened out."

Kong Ting quickly rolled up her tongue, covered it with her hand, and said, "No, no, this is not even a bird!"

Wang Liang also said to me: "No, no, Kong Ting and I haven't kissed before, you put her tongue in someone else's mouth, you want it and I don't want it."

This guy looks like a dog, why is he talking so dirty!I couldn't help cursing: "Look at your thoughts, Sanya!"

"Brother Ma, stop making trouble." Sanniang smiled, "Even if Kong Ting takes it off, it may not be usable."

The kid nodded and opened his mouth again: "Ah... ah... ah..."

Light, I can't hear anything.I thought, if I want to get along well with this kid, I have to find out the way my old relative and old man communicated with him.

Kong Ting said: "At that time, Master Ma often watched the loss in the upstairs room."

The gambler will definitely die of bad luck after hearing what Kong Ting said, and if he meets the child raising kid in the future, if the kid cannot escape death, he will simply hang himself and be a big tongue ghost.

But Kong Ting reminded me that there might be clues in the upstairs study, so I hurried up to look, only to realize that there were no books in there after entering the door.

"That's because Master Ma doesn't come here often, for fear that someone will steal the books." The man nodded, "Push the bookshelf away and have a look."

I moved the bookshelf away and saw that behind the bookshelf there was a bookshelf embedded in the wall, which was densely packed with books. I looked at those books in awe-they were all brand-new literary masterpieces and philosophical humanities. Reading materials, as well as a few ancient books in English thread-bound books, the new ones seem to have not been turned over, and they are very well preserved.

I can't tell that the old man is also a cultural person.

I took the book from the bookshelf and rubbed it with reverence, and a picture of an old man wearing reading glasses and earnestly studying under the light suddenly appeared in my mind.

No wonder I'm so educated, and it seems that I have a family inheritance.

When I took off the surface layer of books and saw the inside, I was happy again.

There is a row of beautiful portraits and body art inside.All the books in this row were turned to pieces. When I picked up a book, the pages fell down, and it was about to fall apart.

It turns out that the first layer is all camouflage!
Immediately I thought about the stock under my bed, which must have been in the family too.

The image of the old man Ma immediately became amiable and approachable.

If you want to find clues, you must look for the books that Old Man Ma has read the most.

So in the next few days, I plunged into the precious cultural heritage left to me by my ancestors, read these books very carefully day and night, and realized the beauty of the human body more deeply.

On the seventh day of reading, when I was studying the penultimate book in the third row, I suddenly heard a noise coming from downstairs.

Immediately afterwards, the man rushed in and said to me: "Oh, mygod! Horsepower! It's not good! Go out and have a look!"

"What's the big deal, isn't it just that something happened again." I staggered and walked out, "I've been through so much and I've gotten used to it, it would be strange if nothing happened after a while."

The head of the man said: "You haven't seen this before...that's..."

(End of this chapter)