Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 26 The Secret of San Niang (1)
I was startled, took two steps back, stepped into the mud, couldn't stand still, and sat in the river all over.

"What are you doing!" I yelled, wiping the water off my face.

Standing behind me was an old lady, wearing a thick dark green padded jacket. She tilted her head and looked at me, then pressed her index finger to her lips, and said mysteriously: "Shh...keep your voice down, or the water ghost will Come out." Then he stared nervously at the river.

I only recognized her from her crazy appearance. This is the old lady who witnessed Zhang Jiayan drowning Zhao Yi last time. I haven't seen her for a while since Die Xian's incident.

I walked to the shore and said while wringing the water from my clothes, "There are no more water ghosts. The water ghosts have already been taken away by the police."

Seeing me wring the water, the old lady became happy again: "You fell into the river, you are going to die! You are going to die!"

This symptom is the same as when Yunmei went mad.But Yun Mei could be saved, but the old lady probably couldn't be saved.

I said, "Don't be arguing, don't be arguing, go back quickly, your son is calling you to go home for dinner."

The old lady ignored me and said to herself: "This river is a dead river. They all died in it, all dead..."

"Who?" I asked casually, "Who died here?"

"Who is it?" The old lady said with a smile: "Who is it... Hahahahaha... I won't tell you... Hahahaha..."

Start talking crazy again.

"Mom! Why are you running here again!" The old lady's son ran from a distance, dragged the old lady, and said, "Come home with me."

After the time of Die Xian, I heard people in the village chatting about this man, his name is Erzhu, he was an abandoned baby, he was abandoned on the side of the road and was picked up by a crazy old lady, the old lady's madness was intermittent, and she started to go crazy There is no danger other than talking nonsense, so despite all the difficulties, I still raised my adopted son.Erzhu also knew how to be grateful, and took a virtuous wife, and raised the old lady together.

I said, "Er Zhu, take good care of your mother, let her run around and nothing will happen to her."

Erzhu pulled his mother back, and looked back when he heard what I said, probably guessed what happened when he saw my clothes were wet: "This is what my mother did?"

I said, "Then who else?"

Erzhu apologized to me and said: "I'm really sorry, my mother was stimulated last time, and she was recuperating in the hospital for several months. She was brought back because she couldn't afford the medical expenses. It's getting worse. Or if you take off your clothes, I'll take them back and ask my wife to wash them for you?"

I said why I haven't seen her again in this period of time, and shook my hand and said, "Forget it, forget it, your mother has worked hard enough for you."

Pushed forward by her son, the old lady muttered to herself with blank eyes: "They're all dead...why...why...why did I come here..."

Er Zhu sighed: "She was fine when she was young, but she becomes more confused as she gets older."

I said, "It's too dangerous to keep running towards the river, you still have to be careful."

Erzhu nodded again and again: "That's right, but there's no way, she will run here if she doesn't pay attention."

The old lady ignored both of us completely, and still said to herself: "Why did I come here...why did I come here...we just wanted to take a rest, but many people died here...and San Niang...hehe... hey-hey……"

San Niang? !
Suddenly hearing Sanniang's name from the old lady's mouth, I was taken aback, and turned to look at the old lady: "So you met Sanniang?"

This question is actually redundant, because after I asked it, I remembered the abnormal reaction of the old lady and Sanniang when they met last time. It seems that they really knew each other. At that time, Sanniang still called the old lady by her name. What's it called... Cuiping?
"Yes, Sanniang. Sanniang's siblings are so beautiful!" The old lady waved her hands happily, and pulled a few straws from the ground to plug them in. "Do you think I look like Sanniang?"

Her son pulled her a hand: "Mother, stop making trouble, let's go home."

I said something like that out of conscience, and then continued to ask: "How did you and Sanniang meet?"

"Sanniang and I... and Sanniang..." The old lady was about to answer my question, when her face suddenly changed, "She...why...for so many years...why hasn't her appearance changed! No, no! She's not human! She's not human! Ah!" The old lady shivered all over and shrank into a ball, screaming, "Don't come here! Don't come here! Don't kill me! Ah!"

Er Zhu supported the old lady and said to me: "I'm sorry, I have to take my mother home to take medicine."

Seeing this scene, I didn't want to ask any more questions, so I strolled back home again.

At the door of the small second floor, I happened to see Sanniang carrying a small leather bag.

"Oh, Brother Ma." Sanniang smiled charmingly, "What a coincidence."

It was a good time to meet her, and she was able to ask the questions I was full of.

"San Niang." I stopped her and said straight to the point, "Do you still remember what happened to Die Xian last time?"

"Is that the first time you met Yunmei?" Sanniang asked, "What's wrong?"

"There was an old lady named Cuiping back then, do you remember?"

Sanniang's expression was a little imperceptibly stiff: "Hmm... what's wrong?"

I said, "I met her today, she seems to be afraid of you?"

"Oh..." Sanniang shrugged, and said in a relaxed tone, "That woman... I was also surprised when I saw her. I didn't expect that she was still alive. I thought she had died a long time ago."

I asked, "What happened to you?"

"What the hell happened?" Sanniang stared at me for a while, then suddenly burst into a sweet smile: "I don't want to talk about it. Brother Ma, you have to know that women full of mystery are the most beautiful."

I said: "There is nothing you can't say, as long as you speak out about the big things, I can solve them for you."

Sanniang smiled and said: "Brother Ma, don't forget that I am different from other people in the second floor. Whether they are ghosts or demons, they were originally human beings. But I am only a vixen, and I am different from you human beings." She threw the purse behind her, and her high heels made a crisp sound, "I don't trust you humans so easily."

Sanniang walked to the door, turned her head and said, "By the way, if you really want to know, I'll tell you a little bit." Sanniang held the door and smiled back, "Cuiping's man died because of me, Cuiping Also because I'm crazy."

I rely on!

I froze on the spot, this is the real me. I thought of the beginning but didn't expect the ending. It turns out that the plot is so ups and downs and ups and downs!
It turned out that Sanniang was a third party who inserted into other people's marriages!Cuiping has a nervous breakdown because of her failed marriage!
This is a whole Taiwan drama of bitterness.

It's over, I thought painfully, if I continue to investigate, the style of this book will change, and I can give it a new name - "What's wrong with the infatuated woman who has been insane for decades?"The vixen steals love and creates tragedy"

Pixiu said: "I knew that this vixen is not a kind person, so I should take her in directly."

"You can't say that." I think, she is a fox, and it's your biological nature that you can't understand her.But in the past six months, Sanniang has helped me a lot, I still feel a little strange about this matter, it should be far from that simple.

Goufugui don't look at each other about a week later brought the news, in the middle of the night, two ghost messengers entered through the wall.

"There is a locksmith in the ghost market. He made locks before he died. He is known as the best lock in the world." Wu Xiangwang said, "He has a lot of experience in locks, maybe he can have some clues."

"Ghost market?" I asked, "How do I get there?"

Gou Fugui said: "You are a living person, it may be troublesome to go alone. But it doesn't matter, Xiao Wu and I will accompany you."

I said, "What will you do if you leave your jurisdiction?"

Gou Fugui smiled without saying a word, instead of looking at each other, he said: "Since the King of Hades asked us to help you as much as possible, then your business is our business."

I didn't expect them to be so generous!
Just when I was moved by the friendship between myself and these two ghosts, Gou Fugui leaned over and said in a low voice: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't worry, I'll tell you only when you know us well. !"

Travel at public expense?It seemed that I was going to run far this time, so I said: "Then you wait a moment." Then I ran back to organize my things, packed a small travel bag, and told Yunmei to take the key. They said, "Let's go."

Gou Fugui and the others hooked up Reddy Gaga's soul and walked together.

Follow them to the village bus station, and there is a bus parked there, which is the one that went to the underworld last time.

I said: "The last time I went to the underworld, my soul was out of my body. This time, my body is still here. Is it okay?"

Gou Fugui smiled and said: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't belittle yourself, your morals and deeds are no longer the same as those at that time." After finishing speaking, he stretched out his hand and pushed me into the car.

The driver's head had already been sewn by Yunmei, and there was a dense circle of thread around his neck. When Yunmei sewed, she was afraid that the light and thread would not look good, so she tattooed a pattern on it.

Wu Xiangwang stared at the driver's neck for a while, and asked me, "What does the earthworm tattoo on his neck mean?"

Reddy quack said: "Yunmei said it was a dragon."

It seems that Yunmei still has a big shadow on tattoos.

The ghost driver was very happy to see us, and whistled, "Beauty, we meet again."

Sanniang's voice came from behind: "Yes, brother driver, I think you are thinking too hard."

It turned out that Sanniang followed up quietly at some point.

The driver was very happy to be coaxed, and said: "I will invite the girl, no need to buy a ticket!"

Gou Fugui said to Wu Xiangwang: "We still have to pay five tickets, go back and reimburse them."

Sanniang smiled and pulled me to the seat: "What's the matter, Brother Ma, are you unhappy to see me?"

I was puzzled, Sanniang usually looks like she is not interested in anything, but she is very interested in this matter.

I said to Sanniang: "We have traveled a long way this time, and I don't know when we will be back."

Sanniang just smiled and said nothing.

An hour and a minute later, we were standing in the Commercial Street subway station.

Wu Xiangwang pointed to the subway track hole and said, "Walk along here, and you will be there in about ten minutes."

I feel that the travel bag on the back suddenly became heavy. With such a small distance, you still travel at public expense, and the result is to reimburse the bus fare!

Gou Fugui asked me: "Comrade Lei Feng, I was wondering just now, what are you doing with this bag?"

I turned my bag upside down, looked at him proudly and said, "One-day subway trip."

We jumped off the subway and walked in, only to see ghosts floating in twos and threes inside.

After walking for more than ten minutes, suddenly my eyes lit up, and I saw that there was an extra passage on the right side of the subway, and there was a faint light shooting out.

Walking into the passage, there is a brightly lit street, with no end in sight at a glance, red lanterns hanging above the street, and small vendors setting up stalls on both sides of the road.There are ghost mountains and seas of ghosts among the vendors, the sound of yelling and bargaining can be heard endlessly, and it is very lively.

"The number one lock in the world is on this street." Wu Xiangwang said, "Let's look for it separately."

We now have six people, Reddy Gaga is not in the scope of the labor force, there are only five people left, and finding a locksmith from so many stalls is also a very difficult task.

Gou Fugui don't look at each other and left. Before I could call him, Sanniang took Reddy and left, leaving me alone.

I just took two steps when I was grabbed by someone. A peddler who was missing an arm asked me mysteriously: "Brother, do you want a plate? There are all kinds of dishes."

I'm so familiar with his hesitant expression, I can see that he was selling pornographic discs on the street before he was alive.I am interested now, I have watched a lot of discs in the human world, but I have not seen the ones in the ghost world. This is a good opportunity to absorb new culture and learn new knowledge!
I looked around and saw that no one was paying attention to me, so I squatted down and rummaged through the discs pretending to be casual.

The piles on the ground were some pirated game discs and serial dramas. Most of the names had never been read, and I didn’t pay attention. I asked in a low voice while flipping through the discs, “What discs do you have?”

The peddler understood me when he saw me, and said in a low voice: "I have everything you want, do you like ancient movies?" After speaking, he asked for a disc from his arms and handed it to me as if by magic.

I saw the title of the film, oops, I can’t say it out, hehehehehehe, I said I’m going to be harmonious, hehehehehehe, I’m so happy, I turned over to read the introduction’Village girl Ah Hua was deeply wronged and beheaded for public display, on her way to hell… ...' The picture below is a naked woman holding her own head in her arms.

I waved my hand and returned the disc to him: "Forget about the head, I'm tired of aesthetics!"

The peddler asked again: "Does the nurse want it?" He handed me another disc.

I picked it up again and saw that the cover was a bloody nurse with countless scalpels on her body and her neck was tilted to one side. The scalpel was inserted into the body, and the rescue failed, and he died. After death, he was reduced to prostitution...'

I returned the disc to him, and asked with the last ray of hope, "Isn't it the same as before and after death?"

The peddler smiled and said, "Oh, sir, you really have a strong taste!" Then he took out another dish and gave it to me.

The introduction reads "Grandma Liu suffered a sudden myocardial infarction and died, who knows..." The accompanying picture is an old lady with few hairs, a bruised complexion, and all teeth lost.

I threw the disc back to him angrily, you are the only one who has a bad taste, you all have a bad taste in the ghost world!I think it's better to go home and peek at Yunmei's skinning!
The peddler was still trying to keep me: "Guest officer, don't be angry, I still have this." After finishing speaking, he was about to reach out and continue digging into his bosom.

I said angrily, "Don't take it! I never watch porn! If you pollute my heart with these obscene audio-visual products, I will report you to the police!"

It's outrageous, this kind of novelty-seeking aesthetics is outrageous!
After dealing with ghosts for so long, I feel sad for the first time thinking about life after death.

I was feeling sad when I suddenly noticed that someone was looking at me. I turned my head and saw a big lion-headed dog lying on the ground. It looked ferocious and was licking my tongue at me.

"Gaotie!" Pixiu turned into a white light and sprang out from the jade pendant, growling at the dog, "Why are you here?"

Gluttonous?This is Pixiu's brother.

"Don't be so nervous, this food doesn't look delicious at all." Taotie smiled, "Although it's not impossible to eat, but my master won't let me eat it now."

"There is someone who can tame you?" Pai Yao wondered, "You can also establish a master-servant relationship with people?"

"Human?" Taotie laughed, "Don't call him such a lowly title, he possesses a power beyond your imagination."

After saying that, he turned his head and looked aside. Standing next to him was a man in a white robe. The man was wearing a pair of gold-rimmed glasses. He looked good, but his hair was too long. He looked like an artist.

Taotie ran over, rolled and jumped up, his body shrank rapidly, and stood on the man's shoulder.

I suddenly recalled that this man was the one we saw in the hospital when the hanged ghost was reincarnated!
Change your life!
I finally found it!
I yelled: "Don't run! Tell me what your purpose is first!" Then I rushed over there, but there were too many ghosts here, and I couldn't squeeze through.

Now I really miss the time when I didn't have a high level of morality and couldn't meet ghosts.

After squeezing for a long time, I looked up again, and the person who changed my life was gone!
When I turned my head to look for it, a voice suddenly came from behind: "The gears of the times have started to turn, and you and I are just a pawn to promote the change of the world."

I turned around immediately, only to see a white figure disappearing into the sea of ​​ghosts, and disappeared in a flash.

My hundred claws are scratching my heart, please explain to me clearly what this means!
At this moment, another voice behind me shouted: "Horsepower..."

This time I learned the trick, grabbed the speaker's hand and said, "Don't run away!" Then I turned around.

Gou Fugui and Wu looked at each other standing behind me, the latter was held by me, blushing and said: "Horsepower, don't be like this."

Hey, why are you blushing, I shook off his hand.

Gou Fugui said with a smile: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't you want to sexually harass our civil servants. This is a very serious style problem. It's not good to spread it."

I said, "I saw a life-changer just now."

"What?" The two ghost guards looked around vigilantly.

"Don't look at it." I said, "I ran away early and disappeared. What about Sanniang and the others?"

The two ghost messengers shook their heads: "No."

I said, "There are dangerous people hiding in this market now, let's find them and act together."

We walked for a while, and a ghost with a few blood holes in his stomach passed us. After passing by, he asked in a low voice like a repeater: "An invoice, or an invoice, or an invoice."

This place sells so many things!
"Little comrade, wait a minute." Gou Fugui grabbed the receipt seller, and said to Wu, "We didn't have a receipt for the mutton skewers at the stall just now."

I thought you were seriously looking for a locksmith just now, but you went to eat, you really thought you were traveling at public expense!

The invoice seller took out a stack of fake invoices from the blood hole on his body and asked, "How much will it cost?"

Gou Fugui asked, "How much did we eat just now?"

Don't look at each other and say, "Eat fifty."

Gou Fugui said: "We must seek truth from facts and not be too extravagant and wasteful. Let's do this, let's open [-] first."

How about seeking truth from facts?

The invoice seller asked with a smile: "You two are very official, where can you get the best?"

I said, "They're the police."

The face of the invoice seller changed drastically, he threw away the invoice book in his hand, shouted: "It's a note!" he turned his head and ran away.

I only heard the ghost next to me exclaiming, "Tiaozi is coming!" Then the whole street was swept away, as if it had been swept away.

Gou Fugui shouted: "Comrades! Don't run away! You have misunderstood! We are not urban management!"

It's a bit late to say this, there are no ghosts on the road.

Gou Fugui sighed, pointed to the invoice book on the ground and said to Wu Xiangwang, "Confiscate it."

Once the ghosts are gone, the field of vision is widened.From a distance, Sanniang and Reddy Gaga were standing in front.I ran over and saw a small, skinny old man standing in front of them, looking up and down with the lock on Reddy Gaga's neck.

"This is the number one lock in the world." Sanniang said softly to me.

"This lock is wonderful." The skinny old man said, "I have never seen a lock made of this material in my life." After that, he took out a magnifying glass and observed it carefully like an antique, while looking at it, he wondered: " All locks in the world have keyholes or mechanisms, but this lock is as invisible as an iron bump, and the lock body has no gaps."

He looked at it for a while, then looked at the key under the magnifying glass, finally shook his head, and said: "The key and the lock look like a pair on the surface, but there is no place where they can be combined." The number one lock in the world shook his head and said, " Now I suspect that this is a deadlock, there is no way to open it, are you making fun of me, a bad old man?"

Sanniang lightly shook the fan and said, "It's fine if you can't open it, but if you say this, you are not as skilled as others, and you are looking for excuses in a hurry."

"I am inferior to others?" The Number One Lock in the World said angrily, "No one in the world can open this lock!"

We struggled to find a locksmith and still got this result.I sighed and began to wonder if the lock really couldn't be opened.

"No." Sanniang said slowly, "Someone has opened this lock before."

"Who?" I asked the locksmith in unison.

"There is only one person who has ever unlocked the secret of this imperforate lock, and that person is..." Sanniang covered her mouth with her fan, revealing only her eyes curled up in laughter, and said word by word, "The thief is unknown."

The thief is anonymous?

(End of this chapter)