Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 2

Chapter 25 The Unbreakable Lock (2)
How could the five-linked round body withstand my kick, I could only hear him yelling, rolling away like a huge ball, and finally disappeared into the horizon.

The two people who spoke hadn't noticed the loud noise.At this time, Qian Duoduo had reached an agreement with the middle-aged man. The middle-aged man gave Qian Duoduo the one dollar coin in his hand, and Qian Duoduo pretended that this had never happened.

Qian Duoduo walked back contentedly with one dollar. I was afraid that he would find that there were no people in the donkey, so he quickly got on the coming bus with his bag on his back.

To go to the place Er Gouzi said, you have to change to the subway. The transfer point is in the most prosperous Golden Triangle office area in the city. The buildings in this area are all famous big companies, and the people working in them are all great people. Beggars on the road Maybe it's a million dollar household.

I was walking towards the subway when I was suddenly grabbed by someone again. I turned my head and saw that Wu Lianhuan was standing behind me just now, his beard was soaked in sweat, and he panted and said to me, "Quickly carry me on my back." !"

I was shocked, a chill came out of my back immediately, I just kicked him out of sight just now, why did he appear here like a normal person?

"Back... I..." Wu Lianhuan was stuck in front of me, Mung Dou stared at me firmly.

I trembled and pushed him away hard. He bounced on the ground twice like a ball, and rolled away with a grunt.

I was sure he had rolled away, so I turned and ran towards the subway.

The subway is no better than the bus, even if you take a taxi, you can't catch up.I slumped on the subway seat, and put the big bag on my back on the ground with a bang. A couple sitting next to me gave me a disdainful look, and moved to the side.The man wearing glasses among the lovers is holding a tablet computer "Ai Da Da" No. 16 newly produced by Banana Company, and he is watching the historical, emotional and philosophical blockbuster "Palace Lock, Spleen and Lung: The New Return" with his stylishly dressed girlfriend. Baogege', this film is referred to as 'lung', and people who like this film will express their love for this film with the phrase 'pick your lung' when posting on the forum.

This film tells the love story of the heroine who traveled from modern times to the past. Although the heroine was sold into a brothel after time travel, she still emerged from the mud and was still untouched. She was amazed by singing a beautiful jasmine flower while dancing belly dance. In China, later the marriage coincidence was sent to the palace.One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine elder brothers fell in love with her at first sight, and for this reason, a battle between dragons and tigers was launched, which is known as the Nine Dragons Seizing Love in history.

The film was surprisingly successful with its chaotic logic and distorted plot. The ratings rose amidst the criticism, and it quickly stood at the top of the ratings, outshine the crowd.

Reddy Gaga and I are both fans of this film, we especially like the supporting actresses in it, every time we watch them torture the heroine, we both have a sense of IQ superiority.

At this time, the TV series in "Love to Fight" was at its climax. The emperor found a clay figurine under the heroine's pillow. The supporting actress said: "Your Majesty, look at this cursed villain. Wearing a crown, who else would you be if you don’t have such an image as His Majesty? In order to curse you, this villain even stuck a stick behind the clay figurine! A wolf is ambitious and deserves to be punished!”

The hostess who was crushed on the ground shouted: "Your majesty! You are wronged! Your majesty, you should check clearly. That clay figurine is Sun Wukong, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven! He is wearing a tight band on his head!" Her voice was miserable. Shouted, "That stick, that stick is Monkey King's golden cudgel!"

"Bold!" the female partner shouted, "the evidence is right in front of my eyes, not only denying it, but also insinuating that the emperor is a monkey!" After finishing speaking, she turned around and knelt down to the emperor, "please the emperor punish her for contempt of the holy majesty."

"I'm wronged! I'm wronged!" the hostess shouted, crying like pear blossoms with rain.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine elder brothers saw the heartbroken, so anxious that they fell to their knees and said in unison: "Please forgive her, Father."

The emperor shook his head and said: "How can you ask me to spare her for doing such a rebellious thing?"

The heroine cried: "That's really Monkey King..."

The elder brother said with tears in his eyes: "Since the father has lost his mind, can we let her dance another dance for us?"

The emperor agreed, the heroine stood up, sang jasmine and danced a belly dance.After singing, his eyes were already red and he couldn't cry.

The emperor sighed: "If you have any last words, you can say it now."

The heroine's wide-open eyes were full of tears, and when she blinked slightly, the tears fell like broken pearls, which was really distressing.Her jade lips parted slightly, and she said in Bei'er's fluent Tianjin dialect: "That's a dozen of bamboo boards, don't let us not talk about it, talk about it, Monkey King, Monkey King..."

Hi!I watched it next to the couple, and it was heart-wrenching to watch. It’s been a while since you don’t beg for mercy, why are you talking about Monkey King!Monkey King's Wu is still a four-tone!
But the level of this screenwriter is not something ordinary people like me can see through. The moment he heard Tianjin Allegro, the emperor's expression collapsed: "You, you can say this! When I was young, my wet nurse used to write Coax me to sleep with allegro, since the death of the wet nurse, I haven't had a good night's sleep again."

Shit, I couldn't help swearing a bad word, playing bamboo boards to coax people to sleep, his wet nurse must be a spy sent by the enemy!
At this time, the plot took a 180-degree turn, and the emperor kindly asked, "Will you give me an allegro every night to help me fall asleep?"

The heroine nodded shyly, and brother one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine showed a happy smile, and this episode is over.

The stylish woman wiped her tears, and the man with glasses said, "It's so touching."

I let out a breath from my nose, this plot is good everywhere, but I made a fatal mistake!That is, when the heroine said Tianjin Allegro, she didn't hold the Allegro in her hand!If allegro can be added in the hands of the heroine, then the artistic effect and plot appeal of this play will definitely be raised to a higher level and reach a perfect state.

It really shouldn't be that such a well-produced TV series with such a huge investment can make such a mistake.What a pity, what a pity.

Probably seeing my dissatisfaction, the fashionable woman with glasses glared at me.The fashionable woman said: "Old hat, can you understand such a profound movie?"

"How can an old hat understand this film." The man with glasses pointed at Ai Da and flaunted to me, "This is a product of Banana Company, have you seen it?" He opened a game of 'Angry Toad' , proudly said to me, "You can still play games, have you seen it?"

My heart was on fire, and if the tiger didn't show its power, it would treat me as critically ill!He sneered and said, "Isn't it just a game? I haven't played it before, have I? It just so happens that I brought it with me today. Now I'll show you what a real game console is."

After finishing speaking, I opened my backpack and took out the full set of equipment borrowed from Er Gouzi one by one.Small TV, main body of game console, cassette...

The fashionable girl exclaimed: "This is the legendary Xiaobawang game console!"

When the man with glasses saw my device, his face turned red with fright, but he still stiffened his neck: "How can I play without battery?"

You thought I was carrying such a big bag for display, I sneered and took out a small generator from the backpack.

When the voice of "Little Overlord has endless fun" sounded amidst the roar of the generator, the man with glasses finally bowed his head in shame.

The fashionable girl looked at my cassette, her eyes were wet with excitement: "This cassette is 864 in one!"

"Not that much actually," I said modestly. "There's a lot of repetition."

She asked, "Is there any Tetris?"

I said: "Yes."

"Is there any tank battle?"

"Have."

"Is there any Super Mario?"

"Have."

"Is there a Contra?"

"Yes." I said, "I also know the secret to changing my life to 99."

"Then how about it," the fashionable woman took out a piece of paper from her bag, and scribbled on her phone number, "Call me when you're free, and I'll play with you."

The man with glasses looked at me with envious and unwilling eyes.

I accepted the piece of paper and said indifferently: "Let's talk about it." Then I put the things back into the backpack and left proudly, leaving only a legendary figure behind them.

As soon as I got out of the subway passage, a woman wearing a famous brand and carrying a LW bag walked towards me, followed by a man carrying a large and small shopping bag. The woman complained as she walked: "How is it so easy to sit in the subway with so many people?"

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, and then continued to walk forward. After walking a few steps, I was suddenly grabbed by someone, and when I turned around, the familiar Wulianhuan appeared again!

This time, even his brows were drenched in sweat, and he was panting even harder, as if he was going to die in the next second, and the two words were still in his mouth: "Back...I..."

Again!
I finally realized that something was wrong. It was impossible for normal humans to catch up to me anyway.

This guy is not human!

Although I don't know what he is, my heart immediately became vigilant.I looked around, but there was no one around. Pixiu is sleeping now, and the main combat power is not there. It seems that I can only solve it by myself. When I touched my pocket, there was a black garbage bag inside.

Wu Lianhuan was rolled twice by me, and this time his attitude became even worse, saying: "I warn you! This is the last chance, if you don't..."

How dare you threaten me?I took out the trash bag in my pocket, covered his head, and beat him up mercilessly.

Wu Lianhuan screamed again and again, my hands were sore from the beating, and I cursed while beating: "I don't care if you are a man, a demon or a demon, you are not allowed to follow me in the future! Otherwise, I will beat you every time I see you!"

In the end, I almost beat the circle into a diamond shape, and Wu Lianhuan was already dying, so I stopped and kicked him into the ditch beside the road.

Solved an enemy alone, I am very happy.

The road was very bumpy. When I arrived at the destination, I felt like the Long March had finally come to an end. Ergouzi Qiangzi and the owner of the snack bar had already prepared meals for me.

The street outside the door was full of people. Although the decoration in the store was not elegant, it was quite satisfactory, clean and hygienic. The waiters were professionally trained and smiled very professionally.

Because there were not many customers, the store was empty.

"It shouldn't be." I said, "The flow of people is so large, how can it not be prosperous? Is it because the cook is not good?"

The owner handed me a pair of chopsticks: "Try it."

The hoof is fat but not greasy, it melts in the mouth, the smell of mutton is gone, the fish is fresh and tender, and the vegetables are fresh.The dishes are exquisitely presented, with all kinds of color, fragrance and taste.

Qiangzi asked: "How is it?"

I said, "You can't make money like this, it shouldn't be."

Er Gouzi said: "Otherwise, how could we suspect that it is a Feng Shui problem? Do you feel that you don't want to come in when you walk to the door?"

That's right, the store doesn't look bad, but I just stood at the door and didn't want to go in.

The shop owner filled the wine for me: "Brother Ma, do you think there is something wrong with the layout of my shop?"

Er Gouzi gave me a wink, and I stood up and pointed at a few places: "This vase should be placed over there, and the table on the left should be removed. This painting is for a different view..."

While I was talking, the shop owner ordered the waiter to move the table and chairs, after a lot of tossing, it seemed almost done, I sat down and drank the wine in the glass: "That's it."

The shopkeeper asked me as he gave it to me: "Is this all right?"

"That's all right. If it doesn't work, we'll have to move the store. By the way," I asked, "Who is that skinny old man at the counter? Why is he just standing there without moving?"

I have noticed since I entered the door just now, there is a yellow and thin old man standing in front of the counter, with sunken eye sockets, protruding cheekbones, messy hair and beard like a bird's nest, under the tattered and dirty clothes that can't even be seen clearly. Arms as thick as matchsticks and the scruffy look of a malnourished Larry.

Unexpectedly, there are such people in modern society. The country's poverty alleviation work is still not enough, I am very sad.

Hearing what I said, the three of them all looked in the direction of the counter.

"He has been standing there without leaving." I said, "If you run a restaurant, you will not starve your relatives and friends like this. If you are begging for food, you will send him away with leftovers. You will not give him any food. Let’s start, you said that when the guests are eating, there is a refugee standing next to them, no one will feel uncomfortable, right?”

Qiangzi Ergouzi, the shopkeepers, and the three of them looked at each other face to face.

The owner's face turned pale immediately, and he asked tremblingly, "Where did you say...is there someone?"

"The skinny old man next to the counter looks poor and decrepit. You can't see such a big man..." Halfway through the sentence, I suddenly felt that something was wrong. There was no reason for the three of them to pay attention to someone standing in such an obvious place. arrive.

"I know Brother Ma, you are an expert, but don't scare me." The shopkeeper said in a teary voice, "I really didn't see it."

Er Gouzi poked me and said in a low voice, "Enough is enough, don't overdo it."

I said: "I didn't lie to you, I really saw it." While speaking, I understood that this old man is not a human being!
The old man gave me a listless look.My heart was shocked, although this old man looked poor, but he didn't have a sinister spirit on him, so he was not someone to be taken lightly.Immediately I called Pixiu in my head.

Pixiu yawned and said angrily, "What's the matter?"

I said, "Look at the background of the old man in front of the counter."

"That..." Pai Yao said, "Isn't that a poor ghost?"

I said, "Ghost? Why don't I see Yin energy in him."

Pixiu said: "He is also called the God of Poverty, the God of Poverty, and he ranks among the immortals, but once a mortal touches him, he will definitely lose his fortune, so his prestige in the human world is not high."

It turns out that the reason why this store can't make money is because this poor god stays here.

I asked: "Then drive him away and this restaurant will make money, right?"

Pixiu said: "It should be so."

I stepped forward and said to the poor ghost: "Master, this restaurant is thin and the temple is too small to accommodate you, the Great God. Please move to another place, okay?"

The poor ghost snorted, and said in a shrill voice: "You human beings dislike the poor and love the rich, and when you see the God of Wealth, you make offerings. Even the God of Poverty wants to drive me away, but I won't!"

I was overjoyed, and asked Pixiu: "So there really is a God of Wealth in this world, I wonder if I can meet him."

Pixiu said: "It stands to reason that the possibility of ordinary people meeting the God of Wealth is extremely small, and the God of Wealth is used to being so arrogant and arrogant. He doesn't show favor to others easily. But I am a close friend with the God of Wealth. If you meet the God of Wealth by chance, He should look at my face and let you carry him home, as long as you do it. You will be rich and prosperous in the future!"

My smile froze, and an ominous premonition rose in my heart: "What does the God of Wealth you...are talking about look like?"

Pixiu said: "He eats too much fireworks, his body is round and short, he likes to wear red clothes and an iron crown on his head." Pixiu warned me, "If you meet him, you must be respectful to him, otherwise you will never see him in your life." developed."

I cover my face.

Er Gouzi asked me strangely: "Brother Ma, why are you crying?"

I said, "The wind in the shop was too strong, and the sand was blown into my eyes."

The Wu Lianhuan who stalked me just now turned out to be the God of Wealth!

You said that the things you usually meet are not good ones, why did such a cool one suddenly come here!When you come, please inform me to prepare me mentally!When I think about the scene of beating him with a garbage bag covered and kicking him into the tree ditch just now, my heart aches, my intestines are green from regret!

"Wind?" The shopkeeper looked around strangely, and suddenly realized, "I guess it's the evil wind created by the ghost that Brother Ma saw. Brother Ma is really powerful, and he has a lot of knowledge."

I waved my hand to stop him from continuing, then stabilized my mood, and continued to negotiate with the poor god: "Immortal, let's go."

The poor ghost was a little moved and said, "You actually begged me so affectionately... But if the God of Wealth stood before you today, you would definitely not drive him away!"

I said, "You are wrong. I treat you all equally. I beat the God of Wealth just now."

Poor God was shocked: "How is that possible!" Then he took out a mobile phone from his arms and dialed the number: "Hey, is Brother Cai here... What? Brother Cai was beaten up? He is feeling depressed at home and doesn't want to answer the phone ?...Okay, so be it.” Poor God hung up the phone and looked at me with admiration: “I’ve lived poorly for so many years, and this is the first time I’ve seen someone like you, man! I admire you! " After finishing speaking, he patted my shoulder, "Don't be moved by money, you have a bright future." Then, he walked out of the hotel with a proud smile, hahahaha.

He actually eliminated his thousands of years of grievances, but the regret in my heart.

The shop owner looked at me standing still, and asked, "Brother Ma, are you alright?"

I said angrily: "It's settled, that guy is a poor god, staying in your restaurant will make you lose business and lose money."

"Poor God?" Er Gouzi spat and said, "What a bad luck, why don't you come to the God of Wealth."

The God of Wealth is here, but now he is rolling in a ditch with a garbage bag on his head.

Qiangzi was still a little skeptical: "That's great?"

Before the words were finished, only a few greetings from the waiter were heard, and guests began to enter the door in twos and threes.

"Brother Ma, you are so clever!" The shop owner has never seen so many customers come in at once, and he is incoherent with excitement. Chopin's pieces even won prizes!"

I shook my hand wearily, and said, "Forget it, even Chopin, who is so awesome, can't express Lao Tzu's sadness."

On the way home, I asked Pixiu, "Is there any way to restore the relationship with the God of Wealth?"

Pixiu was silent for a long time, and said: "Don't worry, after you die, I should be able to reconcile with him as before."

I'm not worried about this, I'm worried about my money!
I didn't go home directly. I wandered around the village to relax. I walked farther and farther without knowing it. When I looked up, there was a river in front of me.

The first time this river came was after Zhao Yi drowned in the Die Xian incident, but later he felt unlucky and never came again.At that time, the grass was still lush and lush, but now the trees have lost all their leaves.

Thinking about how much has happened during this time, I feel very sad.

It was a bit cold after standing on the river bank for a long time in this season. I turned my head and was about to go back. Suddenly, I found a person standing behind me, grinning at me.

(End of this chapter)