Thank you for making me who I like

Chapter 12 You Taught Me to Hold the Crown Calmly and Firmly (2)
If you have loved and missed it, you will still be moved very gently when you meet next time; if you still believe in that thing called "love", you will smile at yourself in the mirror after crying, and look forward to the next spring when winter begins .You are, dear child.

If you are sitting in a dark movie theater and see the leading actor running after the leading lady in the rain, you shed tears silently for fear of being seen by others; that boy.You are, dear child.

If, every night, you would write words to the day in a notebook with lavender, kneel in front of the bed and pray for the one you love before going to sleep, put an iPod next to the crying pillow, and listen to your favorite over and over again songs until you fall asleep.You are, dear child.

If you still hold the old umbrella you have used for 5 years every rainy day, you will put your winter clothes in the sun to warm them in the suitcase every spring and summer, and put the beautiful summer skirts Hang closets.You are, dear child.

If you have a suitcase of your own before the age of 20, you will always wait for your family to turn around and leave before you cry at the train station and airport. Remember to buy mooncakes for yourself every Mid-Autumn Festival, and remember every Christmas. Buy yourself a gift.You are, dear child.

Dear children, we live on an earth where there are viruses and loneliness, ideals but buildings collapse every minute. Although we are shoulder to shoulder in the streets, we often ignore each other in the same corridor.Whether we are close to each other or distant from each other, we need to learn to value each other.I am often instructed and taught by others, and it would be good to share these teachings with you.

Sandals and bare feet are no longer allowed in autumn.If you work in an air-conditioned room, remember to wear stockings, otherwise you will catch a cold.

If you are sick, remember to ask for leave. Sick leave is our paid benefit. Only black bears don’t ask for sick leave for a year.

Remember to drink a large glass of hot milk at night when you suffer from insomnia, and it is non-skimmed.

Remember to exercise, the body brings us more than just the kind of happiness Duncan said.

Call mom once a week and mark Mother's Day and Father's Day in your digital organizer so they can delay their aging while you can be their real kid for longer.

Every time you fall in love, you can watch Disney cartoons, ugly girls can become princesses, justice defeats evil, true love is always invincible... When you are sad, naive optimism is better than worldly pessimism.

From time to time, choose some courses related to your major to study, even as an audit.If there is really no course to study, I subscribe to a professional magazine.You have to know that if you earn a little more money, you always have to spend a little tuition first.

Don't buy stocks if you have money, it's better to go to beauty or travel.Of course, the best way is to save all the money and prepare for the dowry.

Dear child, in fact, I had a cold for a week, took four days of sick leave, and just packed my summer clothes in the box;These words were told to me by others, and I will also tell you and review them myself.

flowering period for girls
Breathe
At the age of 16, for a girl, it is just like a slowly unfolding picture scroll, which begins to have infinite colorful colors.Seeing more and more girls in the class change from the big T-shirts that were gender-neutral when they were young, and put on lace dresses, proudly showing their elegant necks and slender legs, I have a deep feeling in my heart. lonely.The slender daughter's heart finally understands sensitively why girls gather together and laugh at me, why no boys are willing to sit at the same table with me, and why the teacher can't remember my name even if I get the first place in the exam.At the age when I should bloom, I was forgotten in the corner.

No one wanted to sit at the same table with me, so I sat alone at the front of the classroom, also in the corner, looking abrupt and redundant.In front of the seat is the trash can, and naughty boys often throw paper balls into it from a distance.They called: Meatballs, bow your head!Then the balls of paper would "swish" past my ears. Sometimes I reacted slowly and couldn't dodge in time, and the balls of paper would rain on my head. It was not heavy, but it was enough to make the whole class laugh.They laughed at me: Meatballs beat dogs, oh no, dogs beat meatballs, haha.I didn't speak, and slowly lowered my head, tears moistened my eyes.

Facing the overwhelming inferiority complex, I became more and more withdrawn and silent until Yang Fan appeared.

Yang Fan is a student who was repeated from the second year of high school. He has highlighted brown hair, slender and careless eyes, his hands in his trouser pockets, and his schoolbag slanted on his shoulders. He looks very eye-catching, but he actually Was arranged to sit at the same table as me.My heart was pounding, I was excited, nervous, terrified, and deeply inferior. Under the eyes of the girls who were envious, jealous, and maybe even watching jokes, I spent a class absent-mindedly.When class was over, I opened my hand holding the pen, and my palm was full of sweat.

Maybe because Yang Fan is a repeat student, the teacher doesn't pay much attention to him.Most of the time, he still does his own thing, and it seems that his eyes have never turned to my direction.After a long time, occasionally he would talk to me, simply and without emotion, borrowing pens, asking questions and so on.But even so, my heart will be filled with great joy.Every night, I always finish my homework in a hurry, so that I can have more time to think carefully about everything related to him during the day.The look in his eyes when he was talking, the corners of his mouth slightly raised, the gesture of turning his pen when he was speaking, and even the way he said "hmm" to me when he was absent-minded.

Yang Fan has no close friends in the class, and although I know little about him, at least I know that he is not taking notes seriously in class, as the teacher praised, but drawing cartoons seriously; When lying on the table, he was humming instead of sleeping; his fingers were long and thin, and his ears were pierced a lot... In the eyes of others, I may be the person who knows him best.So, girls began to ask me about him, and their attitudes became friendly, maybe because they wanted something, maybe because Yang Fan's peaceful attitude towards me reversed their judgment on me.I feel that I am no longer as withdrawn and silent as before—at least, when talking about Yang Fan.No one knows that I like to sing, my pronunciation is very accurate, and my voice is clear and mellow, including my friends and parents.In my heart shrouded in low self-esteem, I dare not reveal my little bit of advantages to the outside world, for fear that the last dignity will become the laughing stock of others.

I didn't dare to think about how surprised and ridiculed my classmates would be if they saw me standing upright and singing Faye Wong's love song intoxicated and affectionately.I didn't dare to think about what kind of courage and tears I should use to deal with such ridicule.No, once get out of class was over, influenced by Yang Fan's humming, I couldn't help singing softly, it was "Red Beans" by Faye Wong.I was very absorbed in singing, and when the bell rang for class, I realized that Yang Fan was looking at me with a strange look.I blushed, not knowing how to explain it.Yang Fan raised his eyebrows: Hey, I didn't expect you to sing so well.I flipped through the book, pretending I didn't hear anything, but my heart was beating hard.He added: Why not go to the Campus Culture and Art Festival?The teacher called for class, he picked up the book and said no more.

In that class, I didn't listen to a word the teacher said.The sudden happiness was beyond my heart.I have forgotten how long I have not been affirmed by others.Even when I worked hard for a month and studied until late at night to take the No. 1 exam, the teacher only mentioned it lightly, with "don't believe it" written in her eyes and tone.But now, it was just a few unintentional singing voices that I didn't dare to publicize, but I received such affirmation and praise.Moreover, he is so different, so he does not praise others easily, and he is so concerned by other students.Finally, I seem to be able to smell a little fragrance from the flower season.

At that time, I was already a sophomore in high school, and the pressure of the college entrance examination was gradually revealed. I no longer had the time and mood to participate in any extracurricular activities.However, since then, my self-confidence has been accumulated bit by bit, and finally I can laugh presumptuously and flamboyantly among the girls occasionally.When I was alone, I would also wear those lace dresses, which seemed not as ugly as I imagined, although at that time I was still 130 pounds, like a meatball.

Yang Fan's departure was as silent as his arrival.During the make-up classes during the summer vacation, I could still clearly hear the "rustling" sound of him drawing comics with a pencil, but he left after the vacation ended 20 days later.Looking at the empty space around me, I felt a moment of panic and suffocation, just like the mood when he came a year ago.When I just stepped out of the shadow of inferiority complex, when I just wanted to enjoy the splendor of the flower season, Yang Fan left.

At the farewell party when I graduated from the third year of high school, I sang "Big World" to the whole class, and everyone applauded wildly below.Some boys yelled: Meatballs, you sing so well, why don't you go to the campus culture and art festival in the first year of high school?Definitely the first!I just laugh.At that time, like a dark horse, I was unexpectedly admitted to the university that everyone envied, and I lost a lot of weight because of the hard work in the college entrance examination.I sang on the stage in a lady's dress. Although I didn't look very good, I was finally able to calmly accept the applause and flowers from everyone.

It's just that they don't know how late my flowering season is, how difficult it is for my flowers to bloom, and they don't know how much my growth is related to a boy named Yang Fan.

unspeakable teenage heart
icing on the cake
At the age of 16, it is the green season, but he is very mature, wearing a monotonous white shirt and black trousers, walking on campus, meeting classmates, not enthusiastic, showing a shallow smile on his face, and then disappearing.

Only when the report card comes out, the teacher will think of him, and call his name on the podium, with a tone of hatred.On the other hand, he calmly took the paper under the eyes of his classmates, and he didn't seem to be sad about the appalling score.He made up his mind and went to work after the college entrance examination, just like what he often saw at the train station, countless teenagers wearing short-sleeved sweaters and fake Adi, waiting for their own train and an uncertain future at the crowded station .

It is already the honor of the whole village for children from rural areas to be admitted to key high schools.He still remembers the first English class, when the deskmate took out the electronic dictionary, he looked at it again and again in amazement, and fiddled with his hands two or three times before he knew which one was the power button.When he returned the electronic dictionary to the tablemate, the delicate girl took out a tissue and wiped it on the silver body, in order to wipe off the rough fingerprints he left on it.This action instantly separated him from the people around him, and the boy's self-esteem was easily wiped away by a piece of paper.In this group of boys and girls with good family background and good feelings, he is strange and ridiculous.He answers questions in Mandarin with a touch of hometown, which will provoke a chuckle.His grades plummeted.

If it wasn't for that class, he thought, his life would have been shaped.

It was an art class. At two o'clock in the afternoon, when they were most sleepy, many students buried their heads and took advantage of this rare time to take a good rest.At this time, a young girl wearing a small floral doll shirt and embroidered jeans walked into the classroom.She looked into the classroom, with a little shyness in her bright pupils.He thought that he must have entered the wrong classroom, but he heard a crisp voice: "Hello everyone, I am a new art teacher."

On the podium, the girl smiled, but he was so surprised that he forgot that he still had the paper in his hand, so he let go of his hand, and the paper flew all over the ground, causing a burst of laughter.The art teacher said: "That classmate, please sit down and start class." His face turned red for no reason.

It's about the Impressionist painter Monet.The art teacher said: "I asked a classmate to talk about his feelings about this painting." She held the roll call list and pondered for a moment: "Sinan." He did not expect that the person who was called was himself, and stood up hesitantly , looked at the podium, and immediately bowed his head the moment he met the art teacher's eyes.He heard whispers around him again.

He clenched his hand on the table unconsciously, and his heart beat violently because of those contemptuous words.He really wanted to say to those self-righteous classmates: "Shut up!" But he couldn't say anything.He lowered his head subconsciously, and lowered his head again, trying to bury his hot face in the deep crook of his arms.His appearance at that time must have been very embarrassed and helpless. He did not want the young teacher on the podium to notice the fearful heart under his white shirt.

However, the art teacher came over and walked to his seat step by step: "Student, are you feeling unwell?" He raised his face and shook his head.In such a short time, he saw clearly the art teacher's light eyebrows, long eyelashes, black eyes and slightly raised nose.He rolled the corner of the book with his hands, unfolded it, and rolled it up again, as if he was laying out the complicated and complicated thoughts of his youth little by little.Embarrassment, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, and the faint liking that sprouted from the first sight of the art teacher.

The art teacher helped him flatten the corner of the book, and then pointed to the painting and said, "Look carefully, what do you feel?" It was Monet's "Water Lilies".The light and shadow flicker, the colors are delicate, and the light and shade are well-proportioned.He was silent for a long time, trying to make his voice sound better, he said: "Gentle and calm nature."

It was just a few words, but the art teacher said appreciatively: "This classmate is right. Monet's paintings are always good at capturing the fleeting beauty of nature." She motioned him to sit down, and then gently Pressed his shoulder: "This painting is hidden in the Musée d'Orsay in France. I hope that one day, you can go and see it for yourself."

He froze for a moment, sure that this sentence was meant for himself.His heart was covered with a frenzied joy.He didn't even notice his shirt, which was soaked in sweat.He stared fixedly at the back of the art teacher, silently recalling every word she said in his heart, and then wiped the corners of his eyes.

He started a personal war, fighting against inferiority complex and laziness. He studied hard, tried hard to change his unhappy personality, worked hard to practice Mandarin, and tried hard to accept new things.He wants to get back all the words of sunshine, self-confidence, diligence, and self-motivation.Just to be worthy of the words of the art teacher, worthy of her kind encouragement, and worthy of the sweet spring-like young girl who appeared in my deserted youth.

His grades are getting better and better, and his personality is getting brighter, but he still quietly bows his head in art class.The erected textbook covered his slightly hot face, but it couldn't slow down his violent heartbeat.He hoped that one day, he could face her gaze calmly and answer her questions calmly, without blushing or panicking.The silent boy, even liking, is so introverted and pure.

Later, he was admitted to a university in Beijing to study French. Four years later, because of his good grades, he was exchanged abroad and went to Paris.On the beautiful left bank of the Seine, he found the Orsay Museum.He followed the flow of people and watched the artworks inside one by one.With just such a casual glance, he saw that painting, that painting that he had been caressing secretly in countless nights - Monet's "Water Lilies".He looked at the gentle water lily in silence, then lowered his head and covered his face with his hands.

No one knew why this young man with black eyelashes and black pupils suddenly had tears in the corners of his eyes.Only he himself knows it, but it is just a distant memory of an unspeakable teenager's mind, and the afternoon when he was 16 years old when his eyes were moistened by the sun.

intersection of phoenix blossoms

Zhu Xiaoying

1
I see birds, trees, houses from the train window.I don't know why, but at this time I thought of A Quan's paintings, so branches, sea water, dark clouds and walls protruded from invisible places.

When I arrived in Jingqiu, the sky was already dark. I haven't been back to this city I call my hometown for four years since I went to college.During the sunny nap time, longan trees and phoenix flowers in my hometown will appear in various colors and sizes. I still remember the street lights and streets here, and I will never forget that there are my best friends here.

In summer, the sky was extremely quiet. When I walked out of the train station with my suitcase, I saw Ah Quan sticking out his head from a Volkswagen sedan and waving to me from a long distance away.

In the same summer four years ago, on the eve of my departure, it rained heavily in Jingqiu.Zhou Ying, Ah Quan and I ate sand tea noodles together in a small shop on the street.A Quan told me that we are all at the mercy of fate, we will all drown in the storm, only the one who has the courage to move forward is eligible to drift for a longer time in the storm, I am doomed to be a loser.

That night, the smell of soy sauce and ginger and garlic overwhelmed the saltiness of the seafood and Aquan's stubborn smile.

2
Jingqiu No. [-] Middle School is the only closed high school in the city, with a dormitory for two, and Aquan is my roommate.To me, he's like a gentle irritant on an ordinary day.He has long hair that is forbidden in high school; he is the captain of the school football team and an art student who studies painting; his parents are the largest vegetable wholesalers in the city; in the school carport, beside the colorful bicycles, there is his Honda motorcycle .

Aquan is my only friend at school, and Aquan's body reflects my inner expectations for myself: tall, rich, with a sunny expression, striding forward, and it is best to follow a boy who obeys orders, and I am now Try to be that kid.I imagine that one day I can surpass him from behind and become the person he recognizes and expects.

During our evening self-study time, Ah Quan would go to the studio.He would return to the dormitory very late every day. He said that he always felt that there were still many things to draw, and he always wanted to stay there for a while.

(End of this chapter)