The more self-discipline you have, the more freedom you have

Chapter 5 Change your mood, turn around and meet another life

after get off work, would you like to go home

1.Customers who want to go home after work

You must have had such moments in love: one day without seeing each other is like three autumns.

On a business trip, wandering around the local area, this gift is unique and interesting, and I want to bring it back to her; the kind of snack is rich and delicious, she must love it; the lakes and mountains here are picturesque, next time, I must bring her with me.

Friends gathering, absent-minded, laughing, cursing, drinking and singing K in the past has become boring. The wine in the glass is her, the mural on the wall is her, the one who suddenly wanders while chatting is her, and the chatting on the phone can't stop The record is her, and the heart is all her.

The company's activities are looking forward to the end before they start. The entertainment situation here is complicated and long. I don't know if he is lazy at home and doesn't eat. I don't know if he chats with other girls. Sure, I finally finished my work, and there are many missed calls on my phone.

Counting the time in the lower right corner of the computer, as soon as the off-duty hour arrives, I pack my bag and clock in, rush into the elevator, and go home.

Such impatient love is probably the most passionate moment in many people's lives.However, in a marriage that lasted for decades, can such passion still be seen?

I once went with the boss to meet with the client's company. It was summer afternoon, and the air was hot and unsettled. The group talked about the prospect of cooperation, and they really hit it off.

Before I knew it, we chatted until it was time to get off work. Seeing the sunset and the sky getting late, the boss invited the client to find a place to eat, so as to finalize the details of the contract.

The customer raised his hand to look at the time on the watch, shook his head and said, "No, I have to go to the supermarket to buy some vegetables, and it's time to go home."

It’s not surprising that the scene of Tangtang’s regional director leaving get off work on time and going to the supermarket to buy groceries immediately played out in my mind. There are many things in this world that you don’t know, such as other people’s love and marriage.

On the way back, I heard from the boss that this client has been married for more than ten years, has a lively and cheerful son, and a gentle and virtuous wife. He has achieved his current position through a lot of hard work on the battlefield.

But he has a habit that has not changed for many years, that is, if there is nothing important enough to be decided immediately, he will definitely arrange the rest of the work to the next meeting; many.

The customer once said: "There is no special reason, but I want to go home after work, and I feel that family life is more attractive than the colorful world outside."

Therefore, every time the boss makes an appointment with this client, he is stuck on time.

Going home after get off work seems to be such a common thing, but it has become the "unwillingness" of many people.

I have seen some people who are busy with all kinds of luxury and wealth, immersed in the lively and noisy circles, as if in all rankings, love and family are at the bottom. To earn money to support the family, to be successful and famous.

But no one remembers that there are many entertainments that are unnecessary and many people that you don't need to meet.

Over time, they have forgotten their way home.

2.those who don't want to go home
There is such a scene in the TV series "A Little Farewell": Tong Wenjie found out that she had uterine fibroids because she was preparing for pregnancy, so she was hospitalized for surgery, but Fangyuan had to go on a business trip for three days, but the client did not see her. His flight was canceled due to weather, and he missed his wife Tong Wenjie's operation.

The scene of Tong Wenjie lying on the hospital bed in fear and powerless made people feel sad.

The fragility of a person is particularly obvious in the ward. Stepping into a place like a hospital always makes people think of life and death. Tong Wenjie is very afraid. This is human nature. Even a minor operation cannot guarantee 100% recovery. Accident, right?

However, Fang Yuan could have come back in time. His boss said, "If you had known about your wife's situation earlier, you would have said earlier that you would not have come on this business trip, and I could have called other colleagues."

My wife is facing the difficulty of surgery for the first time in her life, and you are absent because of an unnecessary meeting. This kind of thing would make anyone feel a little bit disappointed.

No, I am not saying that work is not important, but that in the face of some unnecessary work situations, I still feel that the family in the ward is the most important.

Work is to make a living, making friends is to find love, except for the time for making a living, if you don’t go to find love when it’s time to find love, it’s probably because you don’t love deeply or don’t love very much.

Ari said that she didn't want to go home, probably because she didn't love her anymore.

Every time a few sisters chat in the group, Ari always takes the initiative to organize a game.

The day before yesterday, she said: "I found a good place for a party, do you want to make an appointment tonight?"

Yesterday she said: "It's very annoying, who has time to come out for a drink?"

Today she said again: "The fallen leaves at Badaguan are sure to be beautiful, so let's go on weekends."

In fact, I don't need to ask carefully, I know that Ahri is always in a bad mood because there is a man in the family who also doesn't like to go home.

Ari is not an unreasonable person, facing her husband's workload and entertainment, she gave the greatest tolerance, but, in the cold night, when she had an acute appendicitis attack and asked her neighbors to take her to the hospital, her husband and some friends Go wild at the bar.

Her love has been hit to nothing, and in the following time, most of the time left is how to deal with this long "Ling Chi".

3.Why don't you want to go home after work

The time, where, and what to do after work, to a certain extent, can represent whether your love and marriage are happy.

Some people, even if they quarrel, have to clock in and go home on time.

Some people, even if they don't work overtime, will find ways to make friends with them.

If one doesn't want to come home after work, one is either being broken or is breaking someone else's heart.

After all, when you love someone, you can't wait.

If there is no expectation and miss, then this relationship is probably coming to an end.

Love has a three-year pain, and marriage has a seven-year itch. The other party no longer responds to your messages in seconds, no longer rushes to buy you a bouquet of flowers, and no longer can’t wait to hold you in his arms. That’s because of the period of passionate love The passion for each other gradually fades away, maybe holding your hand is like holding your right hand with your own left hand, maybe we know each other firmly in our hearts that you won't leave anyway, the future will be long, and the water will flow forever.

No matter which one, this is the imprint left by time, there is no way, people will change.

However, if there is a person who is still willing to leave work after work, go home on time after a fight, cook for you, and play games with the children for hours, it will be more touching than thousands of "I love you".

No one's love disappears all at once, and no one will wait for you in place after the heart has cooled down.

If you don't come home all the time, you don't have to come back in the future.

Wechat circle of friends that only shows the status of the last three days

1.I just missed her life
Two days ago, a friend who hadn't been in touch with her for several years sent a message on WeChat, expressing her hope to give her a like for the latest status of her circle of friends.

When I saw the message, it was already night, so I had to open her circle of friends to find it, and found that there were only two statuses in her photo album, one was for my likes, and the other was for forwarding, maybe she thought it was good In the article, at the bottom of these two statuses, there is a line of words: friends only show the circle of friends in the last three days.

The status of needing help, she left a message herself: Enough is enough, thank you everyone.

So, I just missed her life.

She is my former colleague. At that time, our work and living habits were quite compatible. From a colleague who met day and night to a friend who talked about everything, we both felt that being good sisters was a great fate.

At that time, we also imagined participating in each other's wedding as bridesmaids, and dreamed of dancing square dances together after retirement. We talked about: best friends walk together for life, whoever can't do it is a dog.

Later, none of us did it, and we all became that lonely dog.

We each get married and have children, and settle down in different cities. Maybe in an inadvertent moment, we will think of the original days, and then we will be disturbed by the trivial things in front of us, and then we will forget them again.

The only contact I have is probably the friends who have added QQ and WeChat. I thought that even if we don’t contact each other, even if we go to each other, at least when we suddenly miss you, there is still a sustenance, and you can go to your circle of friends. You, take a look at your current situation and changes, and recall the past years by the way, but now, even this bond has been severed, and you will no longer be able to participate in the life of the other party, and you have not seen her state for three days, Three days later, I didn't even have the right to like it.

The circle of friends is calm and breezy, and there is no more words. I wonder if there are ripples of disappointment in your heart.

2.What does the setting of Moments permissions mean?

What does the setting of Moments permissions mean?The answer is loneliness.

I think people are getting smarter, and they don’t want to show their clues on social networks in order to avoid being used, speculated, watched, and envied, but at the same time, we are getting more and more lonely.

One advantage of WeChat is that there are no traces of visits. Even if you go to see the same status of her eight hundred times, she will not know that you have seen it. This is very safe for you, but it is not safe for her. I need to beware of someone like you who has read it eight hundred times and never left a message or chatted privately. The ghost knows whether you are a good person or a bad person.

This kind of precaution makes people more and more lonely.

Haruki Murakami has a book called "After Dark", and the whole book stays in an ordinary night.

The heroine Mary has lived in the shadow of her perfect sister Allie for a long time, so that she leaves home in the middle of the night, preferring to spend time in a cafe surrounded by strangers, rather than face the sense of distance brought by her sister, her unspeakable inferiority complex. Haunted her and left her alone.

So, is sister Eri really perfect?In the eyes of outsiders, yes, she is beautiful, versatile, obedient and understanding, such a beautiful girl, but fell into a lethargy, unwilling to wake up, unwilling to wake up, maybe in her heart Here, I am also envious of my sister's non-catering and freedom, and she is also lonely.

In the middle of the night, Mary met Takahashi, Xiao Xun, a prostitute who was beaten up, and they who were also lonely.But this night, she knew the loneliness and longing of a prostitute, she knew Xiaoxun's secret, she knew Takahashi's longing, and she also knew that there is actually not that much distance between her and her sister.

In the end, she was going to come to China as an exchange student. She opened her heart to her sister again. She left contact information with Takahashi and walked alone to the hopeful Tianming.

This story has a good ending. After the night, the dawn will finally come. Between the protagonists, from doubt, trouble, distance, giving up, to communication, communication, letting go, and relief...

From now on, I will no longer be alone.

But in reality, we are completely opposite.

From talking about everything, keeping secrets for each other, to being indifferent to each other, to being strangers, we are actually gradually becoming lonely, because we no longer trust others, and firmly believe that others have ulterior motives in our consciousness.

The permission setting of the circle of friends proves this kind of loneliness.

This is a road from openness to closure. There is no profound meaning, but you start to believe that others are just passers-by, you only have yourself, and you have only yourself in everything you encounter.

Should we recognize it this way?Does this knowledge make us happy?No, I think that the more and more detailed the cognition, the more bitter it is.

3.WeChat circle of friends is a shortened version of your real circle of friends

What does the setting of the circle of friends reflect?The answer is hesitation.

Many people have told you that the circle of friends on WeChat does not represent the real circle of friends, but what is the real circle of friends?When you even covertly post and delete your WeChat status, it means that your self-perception and behavioral habits are changing.

In short, WeChat Moments is a reduced version of your real Moments.

The cover-up of your status shows that you usually do things and start to think twice and then keep entangled, posting and deleting, which shows that you have been hovering between self-affirmation and self-denial, taking a step forward and taking a step back. In fact, you are still standing still and constantly Modifying the permissions of the circle of friends is a manifestation of the lack of self-identity.

This is a bit like being uninitiated, and a bit like being too assertive, paying too much attention to some virtual things, which just shows that the heart is not firm, and if you are not firm in life, you are not strong enough.

The real power is not that you have set the authority of the circle of friends, but that you can post it if you want, and close it if you want to. Those who have not closed are still longing for the attention of others.

While eager for attention, delete yourself, so that people think that you are special and attractive, so that people know that you have a world in this inch of land, but you are afraid that this world will be destroyed. Others disdain, so you only let others see it, and don't let others have the right to recollect and measure.

You hesitate.

4.What does the setting of the circle of friends express?

What does the setting of the circle of friends express?Superiority.

Close Moments for a while, set it to be visible for three days, and then change it to be visible for half a year, which is enough to show that you attach too much importance to this virtual circle, and you are constantly changing identities here, trying to explain something, such as you are with different.

Whether it is closing the circle of friends or setting some permissions, it is actually a way recognized by the parties that can reflect their own level.

We post what we think is rare and rare.

Our show is what Xiu thinks is advanced.

We turn it around because others can't understand it, or it's the first time it's released.

These are all based on a sense of self-superiority.

For example, a friend gave us some bird’s nest from Indonesia. The price is 40 yuan per gram, which is doubled for takeaway. It’s not a particularly good bird’s nest, but the friend gave us free of charge, and it’s not expensive. Not much, so the first thing I took home, I took a photo and posted a circle.

Am I showing the price of bird’s nest?Everyone here is richer than me, and I am showing off my friends.You see, my friend is so kind, so generous, and so loyal. If he wants to give me a box of six walnuts, I will definitely not show off. If he wants to give me a bag of rice, I will not show off, but I will show off as a gift of bird’s nest. I will show off the Australian lobster. This is because I want you to know that my friend has a certain taste and quality and treats me very well. I want you to know that my friend is so good that he doesn't mind the expense of money.In fact, my friends and I quarrel and disagree, but I won't tell you about it.

While I was showing off my friendship, I was also showing off what I thought was my sense of superiority, I admit.

But this kind of vanity will make me feel vulgar in a short time. I even worry that others will laugh at me for not seeing the world. Some friends give LV Hermes to each other, and they are used to it and have never shown it, so I may set it to a private state next time, or delete it directly.

People only discover their stupidity after being stupid, and then try to cover up this stupidity.

There are such people in my circle of friends, they never set permissions, nor do those groups.

You can post whatever you want, you can see it or not, you can think whatever you want, sometimes you can post more than a dozen statuses a day, and the pictures you post are uneven, and you can post them wherever you want.

Compared with our kind of people who take pictures for 1 minute, retouch for two hours, and spend another hour trying to match the text, I prefer those simple but powerful people who make people want to get close.

There is a kind of friend that is very tiring to communicate with

1.Not afraid of opponents like gods, but teammates like pigs
A girl I know, Cheng Cheng, said that she herself is a kind person. Of course, everyone’s understanding of kindness is different. What she understands is not to play tricks on others, not to make others wrong, and not to add insult to injury.

The department she works in is mostly women. Although it is not serious about intrigue, bumps and bumps are unavoidable. Therefore, when Cheng Cheng meets a kind and simple little N, it is very rare.After the two sisters had a deep chat, they found that their experiences were similar and their values ​​coincided with each other. They thought that they could break the pattern of "no friends in the cubicle" from now on.

However, the longer we get along, the more distressed Chengcheng becomes, and the more convinced that "friendship between gentlemen is as light as water" is the best way to get along. In the end, Chengcheng said: "I used to think that things of a kind flock together and people are divided into groups. I want to meet more kind people instead of scheming people, and get to know more real people instead of people who are too good at trouble. But I only discovered now that many people who are good at trouble have high EQ and high IQ. It's not bad, and many real people are not really good, they are lack of heart."

In Chengcheng's eyes, Little N is such a careless person. During a regular meeting of the department, when discussing the workload issue, Chengcheng said that the workload was heavy and that he really needed to recruit people. Little N would always chirp Wanted to recruit people, but blurted out in the meeting: "Actually, Chengcheng, if you don't sleep for a while, you must be busy."

Chengcheng was a little stunned. It was common for everyone to make some jokes on weekdays. The one and a half hour lunch break at noon was also normal. She only overslept once, and Xiao N often made fun of it. Unexpectedly, this time Was taken to the meeting to speak.

Cheng Cheng said that she knew it wasn't a big deal, and Xiao N didn't mean to frame her on purpose, but Xiao N was just outspoken, but the leaders were there, and the scene was very embarrassing at the time, and the influence was too bad.

Little N suffers a lot because of her outspokenness, but she never has a long memory. When she has quarrels with her colleagues, Chengcheng always helps to reconcile them; Treating Chengcheng is much better, but always think of Chengcheng when she needs help, when she is in a bad mood, or when borrowing money.

Every time I see something bad about Chengcheng, no matter what the occasion is in front of anyone, I will rob and belittle Chengcheng. Chengcheng often feels that he has lost face.

Chengcheng feels more and more that being with Xiao N is better than being alone.What is that sentence called?Don't be afraid of opponents like gods, but teammates like pigs.

2.Some are simple and honest, getting along will be very tiring

When I was young, I liked to make friends. I was in groups, laughing and cursing. I felt happy in life. I was determined not to be a worldly person. If you have something to say, you will definitely help each other. Even if you are seven or eighty in the future, you will have a drink with the shadow and ask the moon.

At that time, I especially wanted to keep innocence as beauty, and I thought that speaking bluntly was a harsh "good advice" to others, and being able to do things was a "symbol" of flattery and tact, and I extremely despised those who were able to speak and do things. People only like people who are simple and straightforward. Over time, making friends only depends on whether the other party is real, and rarely refers to other indicators.

After a long time, you will find that something simple and real is not kind, but stupid, lack of heart, and low EQ and IQ.

It will be very tiring to get along with people who are careless.

You don't know which matter about you, he easily tells the public, and he never has any secrets in his heart.

You don't know that his outspokenness has caused you to be affected by the enemy, but he is still complacent.

You don't know what other mindless things he can do next time.

3.Some friends, it's better to break up friendship early

Not long ago, I had dinner with my friend Lao Xue.

He felt that he didn't like naive people more and more, and it was very difficult to get along with them, so he reflected and decided to switch some stupid people from being friends to meeting by chance.

Lao Xue has a buddy whom he has known for seven or eight years, called A Tao, tall and powerful, honestly, he has no wrong intentions, the two of them and several other classmates used to get into troubles and fights during college. It doesn't make sense, before they graduated, they were the overlords of a small area. Therefore, several people have deep feelings.

However, the person that Lao Xue doesn't want to continue to associate with is A Tao.

A Tao is over thirty, has no skills, lacks education, and is often unemployed. The key is that his thoughts are always in his twenties, and he tells them all day long, "If someone is bullied, tell me, and I will beat you back." ", However, in the age of civilization, everyone has grown up, has a family and a business, and fighting has long since become a thing of the past.

Since he is unemployed, it is inevitable that he will be short of money. Lao Xue and a few classmates and friends have become the biggest relief station to help A Tao. Thinking of the old feelings and A Tao's difficulties, he never asks for money lent to him. Also, it's nothing, and it's not a lot of money, so we can't see him in poverty.Other friends also introduced jobs to him one after another, and everyone wanted to help him, hoping that his life would also get better.As a result, A Tao borrowed money that he didn't repay, and basically used it to treat his younger brother to dinner, go to the bar, and lend it to others, and he never used it in the right place.

Come and go, only the money that Lao Xue borrowed from A Tao but did not repay, not [-], but also [-], Lao Xue said: "It doesn't matter, friends for so many years, if we don't help him, who will help him."

Finally, one day, A Tao came to the end of his hardships, and got a sum of money for some reason, about [-] to [-] yuan. For him, it was a great blessing.

However, his money was not used to treat these friends to a meal, he did not mention the borrowing of money in the past, and he did not have a deeper relationship with his friends. Lao Xue said that the circle of mutual acquaintances is so large. It's hard not to know A Tao's every move.A Tao met with his younger brother and new friends every day, and was drunk with money every night. It was not until the money ran out that A Tao remembered the old Xue and others, and sent a message to the old Xue whom he had not seen for a long time: Help me charge two hundred mobile phones Fee, thank you best buddy.

Lao Xue replied: Sorry, no money.

Since then, Lao Xue decided to formally draw a clear line with A Tao. He only thinks of you when he has no money and is difficult, and you stand aside when he is rich and unrestrained. From the age of 20 to the age of 30, think about it, it is also a little sad.

In fact, A Tao is not a slick, ungrateful or snobbish person. He has no bad intentions, but is a real person, which is too much. He coaxed his younger brother to mistakenly admit that he was a sincere person.

As the saying goes, poor people must have something to hate.

"Thus, those who lie to you, but are good to others, can't be counted as friends, and you should break up as soon as possible." Old Xue said.

4.Making friends requires planning
I have always believed that the early planning of life is very important. This kind of planning, including the influence of friends on you, consumes you, and it is best to cut off quickly.

In fact, looking at the normal state of life, you can find that many people who can do things are not so-called scheming; true kindness is not about being straightforward, but about saving your face everywhere, and is the first consideration among thousands of people. Benefits, you know the importance of speaking, and you know how to do things.

And for those who are short-sighted, they can't even protect themselves. Maybe in the world of such people, they don't even realize that they hurt themselves. How can you pray that the other party will consider you before doing something?
Smart people are not slick and treacherous, but rational, know how to advance and retreat, know how to judge the situation, and are practical. They are not really kind and harmless. Sometimes, if you make friends carelessly, it is because you have misunderstood some concepts.

To make friends, you really need to make friends with kind people, but forget about stupid people, and you can't afford to be that angry.

Even the best friend, there is no reason to be sad with you

1.Shouldn't it be fun to go on vacation on a friend's sad day?
The holiday is over, but the crescent moon is a little frowning.

It wasn't because of the post-holiday holiday syndrome, but because her good sister broke up with her on the first day after the holiday.

A good sister of Crescent Moon, let's call her Little A.

A few days ago, Xiao A’s son was sick and hospitalized, it was pneumonia, and he needed nebulization and infusion. One, the circle of friends also posted several statuses in a row.

As a good friend of little A, Wanyue is obliged to visit the child, and also found a friend who is a doctor, hoping to provide more information about pneumonia to little A.

A few days after this happened, the Dragon Boat Festival holiday came, and Wan Yue went to Sanya with her husband and children for a trip. The itinerary was already scheduled. Sunny beach with coconut trees, blue sky and blue sea bikini, of course, I want to post it on Moments , this exposure, exposed the problem.

The crescent moon is fun, and I am keen to study the beauty of food and local folk customs. Every time I post it on the circle of friends, some friends ask for tips and hotel recommendations. I had a good chat and had a good time. In addition, the schedule of the crescent moon is full. I forgot about little A's child's illness.

When she returned home from the vacation, she suddenly remembered it, but she didn't pay much attention to it. Her daughter also suffered from pneumonia. Although she needed infusion therapy, she will recover after all. So she just asked on WeChat, After a long time, I didn't see little A's reply, so Wanyue went to clean up the house and prepare for work the next day.

Until this morning, Xiao A still didn't reply, so Wan Yue simply called. On the phone, Xiao A was very perfunctory and seemed to ignore the answers.Having been friends for so long, Wan Yue felt very embarrassed for the first time. She didn't know what happened, and Xiao A didn't say anything clearly, but her attitude was not as good as before, as if she couldn't bear to talk more.

Hanging up the phone, Wan Yue went to look through Xiao A's circle of friends, and found that Xiao A had updated several messages that she didn't see.

Little A said, the child is already well, thank you for your care and help, one thing can recognize the sincerity, this time the child's illness also let her distinguish who treats her sincerely, who treats her falsely, and who treats her sincerely , she will double the return.

Little A also said that a good friend who can only share weal and woe is not a real good friend, and a sister who only cares about her own chic happiness and ignores her sister's sorrow and anxiety is not a real good sister either.

Wan Yue thinks that Little A is writing about herself.

Wanyue remembered that she hadn't contacted Xiao A in the past few days when she thought about the trip. The mutual friends in her circle of friends had a lively chat in the comments, and Xiao A never replied to herself.

Wan Yue couldn't figure it out, so she sent me a WeChat message early in the morning, asking me, shouldn't she spend the holiday happily while her good friend is sad?
2.We need someone to bear the injustice of this world

In fact, I think, no matter we were in gangs in school, in small groups at work, or even in square dancing in old age, we will inevitably stand in line in our lives.

If you have a good friend, her friends may not necessarily be your friends, but her enemies must be your enemies, otherwise she will be indignant and feel that you are not sincere.

When your good friend is going through hardships and hardships, and is having a bad time, you can't enjoy yourself, and you can't be chic and happy, otherwise the friendship will die prematurely, and she will think you have no heart.

Your good friend is betrayed, you can't show affection, she will be dissatisfied.

Your best friend has a sprained ankle, so you can't wear high heels in front of her and talk about your weekend hiking and meeting hot guys, she'll be jealous.

Your good friend is unemployed, and you can't mention your promotion and salary increase, and you have to be sneaky to celebrate, otherwise, you will be worse.

Qiu Yingying in "Ode to Joy", broke up because she was not a virgin and was rejected by Ying Qin, she felt that the whole world had abandoned her.

She ran to the passenger station to block Yingqin and his new girlfriend, who knew that the scene was so cruel that she wept unceasingly, Guan Guan took a taxi all the way to pick her up, but because the two did not agree with each other, she asked Guan Guan why So cruel, why is she so naive.

Qiu Yingying gave Guan Guan the box lunch money, and said indifferently, "You are so cold-blooded."

Guan Guan broke out all of a sudden, and shouted: Please think twice before you speak, okay?Why did you hurt me so easily?
Those who have watched "Ode to Joy" should know that Qiu Yingying and Guan Guan are very good friends. They are about the same age, they knew each other the first time, and they hit it off very well. Every time something happens, the two will cheer each other up and help each other. In the end, Qiu Yingying misunderstood Guan Guan so much.

In Qiu Yingying's perception, when she breaks up in love, the whole world should accompany her in falling in love. At the very least, good friends should also sit beside her sadly, cry with her, love with her, and endure the collapse of the emotional world with her.

She thought that her pain had reached the extreme, that others didn't have to eat, sleep, make friends and go to work, that others shouldn't say a harsh word, and that others should follow her to comfort her.

Otherwise, how can we prove that we are good friends?
We need someone to bear the injustice of this world together, if you can't be together, you will be out.

Once we realize that the friends around us are not sincere in the first place, they eat, drink and have fun on their own, ignoring your ups and downs in the future, you will feel all kinds of feelings in your heart, but all of them are painful.

If you both are happy with each other, that's fine, if you're happy and she's not, that's not great.Good friendships are usually matched, because the information that can be jealous, comparable, hand in hand and shareable between each other is conserved.

Once the balance is tilted, one side is high above, and the other is hanging down to the ground, the end of this friendship is not far away.

This is human nature and a fact.

3.The best state is when the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water

But good friends are people too.

A good friend also has her own life, her own joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys, she is also unique, why should she play a supporting role in your world?
Just as you are not the only friend, and the other party is not only you as a good sister.

You should know that everyone is an individual.

There is a saying that has been popular on the Internet for a long time, which is this: If what you give to me is the same as what you give to others, then I will not take it.

I agree with this sentence when it is used in love, but I don't agree with it when it is used in friendship.

When I was young and ignorant before, I also had many demands on my friends. I thought that no matter what happened, a friend should be the one who stands by your side. When you laugh, she laughs with you, and when you cry, she also cries with you.

But later, I deeply felt that the best state is that the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, because we always take ourselves too seriously, so that we don't take others seriously.

Ask yourself, when your friend is sad, will you stay with him 24 hours a day without blinking?Will you face her harsh words and tears all the time?Will you try every means in your life and even delay your own affairs to solve it for her?you will not.

You only do what you think is appropriate and within your ability. This is not selfishness, it is the normal state of life.

Just like Crescent Moon, her daughter has suffered from pneumonia many times. She has already mastered all kinds of experience, thinking that it is useless to worry, and she will get better if she takes good care of her. Besides, she can't help much.

But Xiao A was different. Her son experienced pneumonia for the first time. She felt that such a young child would have to undergo blood tests, hospitalization, infusion, and lie on a bed filled with disinfectant. Xiao A felt that the sky was falling.

We cannot empathize with other people's grief.

No matter how good friends are, there are boundaries.

Adults, like us, should broaden the pattern of life. You can be jealous, you can be angry, but some emotions go through in your heart. After getting up the next day, let it go with the night. It is the best choice .

As a friend, if you get hurt, I will try my best to comfort you. I can cry with you, get angry with you, get drunk with you, and sleepless with you. But mountains are far away, what I can do is what you expect There may be discrepancies, sorry, my energy is limited, in addition to being with you, I have my own life.

Therefore, a good relationship is to learn to distinguish between each other, learn to distinguish right from wrong, learn to be less childish, and learn to understand what others can provide you and what they cannot provide you.

After all, no one will be with you all the time, no.

The difference between free love and blind date
A girlfriend who chatted with me recently always sighed.

Basically, whether you are talking about smog, making money, making up, dressing, entertaining, gossip, or talking about stocks, money, reading, fitness, self-cultivation and self-cultivation, she can turn the topic back to parents urging marriage when the new year is approaching, and then look Ask you bitterly: "Is life so difficult? How can I live through this marriage that was born on a blind date? Even if I am old, I must marry love."

My sisters, like me in the past, hate blind dates. The reason why I say that in the past is because my thinking and cognition have undergone some changes.

In fact, the two parties that constitute the form of marriage are nothing more than the following two situations: one is introduced by someone, and the other is acquainted by oneself.

We generally think of the former as a blind date, and the latter as a free love.

Objectively speaking, there is a big difference between the two.

1.different original intentions

People who keep going on blind dates, whether they are active or forced, are basically going to get married.Because you are in a hurry, don't give yourself time to wait.

The biggest feature of a blind date is to discuss each other's conditions on the bright side, continue if it suits, pass if it doesn't suit, and replace it with another one.

Sit down, get down to business, and don't waste your time.

A negotiating table, the two of you.

You are a boss, an investor, you own a health club, three clothing chains, you have a car and a house, there are five people in your family, brothers and sisters stand side by side, and you have no worries about food and clothing after marriage. It’s not bad; Gentle, considerate and patient, also understands Chinese medicine, suitable for marrying home as a wife.

The two parties agree externally, and the transaction is concluded.

The blind date itself has a utilitarian nature.

The first thing you see is the other person's condition.

A blind date for the purpose of marriage, to put it bluntly, is a well-planned premeditation. Usually, this kind of marriage will be hasty and willful, and it will also bring the promotion, discussions and suggestions of the seven aunts and eight aunts. Therefore, The love time is usually short. Although the external conditions of both parties can be seen clearly, what the hell is the internal education and quality?each other is not very clear.

And free love, initially they may not have considered marriage.

Love is an inexplicable thing. Maybe before this, you set a variety of rules and regulations. Don’t consider those from different places, those with low education, those without independent financial ability, and men who grew up in single-parent families. Men who listen to their mother too much don’t think about it; short girls don’t like them, girls with bad figures don’t like them, girls who talk loudly don’t like them, career-oriented ones don’t, and girls who are too clingy don’t like them...

However, when you really fall in love with someone, you will find that none of the other's items match your settings, but you still love without hesitation.When the love is strong, you will also think about the future of two people, but it is still far away. Before that, you have enough time to hold hands, hug, and kiss, and you have enough space to experience normal and earth-shattering love. It doesn't matter if you get married, as long as you have loved.

Blind dates pay more attention to the purpose, the purpose is to get married.

Free love focuses on the process of love, and marriage is mostly a matter of course.

2.Different ways of getting along, different degrees of emotion
I once thought that the marriage of the father's generation is very boring. In the arrangement of their father's generation, they form a family with someone they have only met once or a few times. How much affection can they have?What is the meaning of a marriage that has not experienced passionate love?
But it was later discovered that the marriages of my father's generation were far more stable than those of our generation.

Stable means that divorce will not be easy.

Blind dates have a serious disadvantage in that they are not very much in love with each other.

In this way, it is estimated that many people who get happiness because of the blind date will come to beat me, but the fact is that the couple who stay together because of the blind date are indeed not as full of love and passionate as the couple who are in free love.

In fact, which way to get married is related to a person's personality.

For example, I am sentimental, have a strong sense of self-identity in my bones, narcissism, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I don’t allow myself to decide the rest of my life through being introduced. I only believe in my own vision, so I have to be alone. Grasp love.

Another example is a girl I knew before. She likes to weigh the pros and cons when doing things, she is rarely impulsive, and her emotions do not fluctuate much.She had very few relationships, about two times, and they all ended without a problem. Her life was planned by her family when she was a teenager, and she went all the way along the path of being a civil servant and entering a public institution.She went on a blind date last year, and the other party was also in the system. The two parties felt that it was suitable. After getting along for three to five months, the wedding was planned.

It's beyond my imagination.

But with her, of course.

I'm not saying they're not in love, much less that they're getting married for the sake of being married.

I mean, some people need love so badly, and some people don't need it so much.

In fact, in a marriage formed by a blind date, the husband and wife get along more harmoniously.Since getting married is to sit together and discuss conditions, then quarrels can also be discussed. Anyway, whether you are good or not, the relationship with him is not too big, he does not love you enough, and you do not love him very much, so there is no love for each other. With so many expectations, it is a surprise to him if you do well, and it is reasonable to do poorly.

The advantage of being together on a blind date is that the two parties are relatively independent.This kind of independence, including economic conditions, personality, thoughts, values, etc., to a certain extent, has the momentum of you passing yours and I living mine.

For example, if you say to eat fried noodles at night, he doesn't like it very much, but he will say yes, yes.Because I eat everything, I don’t have too much desire anyway, and there is no unnecessary resistance.

But people who love each other too much are different. If she doesn't like it too much, she will think: Why do you only want to eat the food you like?No, I don't like fried noodles, you have to accommodate me, you have to eat hot pot, if you don't eat hot pot, you don't love me.

The disadvantage of free love is also here, the two parties are too emotional.

The quarrel is so dark, such as self-harm, running away from home, turning off the mobile phone and disappearing, all of them are big tricks, and they must be quarreled until the chickens and dogs are restless, and the other party's even a little bit of impatience can rise to "you don't love me anymore" But when we fall in love, we are like glue, we are inseparable, we are inseparable, we can’t see each other every day, we can’t wait to see each other every day, and stay together on the same bed forever.

People who are on a blind date, because they spend a short time together and don’t have so much time to fall in love, they don’t love each other that much. They get along much more peacefully, as warm as water, and the years are quiet and peaceful; people who are in free love together have a deeper and more vigorous relationship. , lively, but also because they always want to make each other better and want to change each other, they have big disputes.

The so-called, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment, no expectation, no harm.

3.Different degrees of consumption

In fact, I have advised others not to marry someone who loves too much, and don’t talk about marrying love all day long. A good marriage has a strong sense of happiness, and a partner who loves too much does not necessarily have a strong sense of happiness.

If you love too passionately, the hurt will come more violently.

The love is not passionate, and the quarrel is relatively not so intense.

People who love each other too much quarrel, and it is especially easy to consume each other.

Hearing and witnessing the breakdown of many marriages, some derailed, some divorced, and some even committed suicide.

Some have experienced poverty, living in the basement, having no car or house, and struggling to eat a buffet for a long time.

Some experienced their parents' resistance, worked desperately and even stole the household registration book like Yang Xiaoyun in "Struggle", and eloped to the moon to be together.

Some took out the savings they had saved for many years to repay the gambling debts of the other party...

However, despite their love, they did not keep their marriage.

At the end, there is a fork in the road, one to the left and one to the right.

Rome was not built in a day, and despair is not caused by one incident. Free love couples are more likely to be emotionally unstable. If you don’t believe me, look around, those who run away from home, self-harm, willful, and make a lot of noise. Mostly free love.

Because people lose their temper within the range that they think is safe, you know the other person, and you know that he will not leave if you act recklessly, so it is especially easy to kill.

In addition, people who pursue free love are more emotional, which leads to a lot of romantic elements in their characters. If they disagree, they will easily imitate the fragments in romance novels, get a princess disease or something, and quarrel is very exhausting. Energetic, over time, over and over again, sooner or later the walls of marriage will collapse.

Don't you quarrel when you're on a blind date?Of course they were noisy, but they knew very well that the other party would not compromise more for themselves.Subconsciously, they don't dare to make trouble unreasonably. What if the cooked duck accidentally flew away?They will sew and mend in small fights, and the siege will be stabilized in this occasional repair.

Too much love is sometimes a kind of injury.

4.Different degrees of suffering

Husband and wife are birds of the same forest, and fly separately when disaster strikes.

A person who has truly loved has a stronger sense of devotion. To a certain extent, he has a huge moral bondage in his heart. If the other party encounters any disaster, he will not allow himself to stand by. He has to make himself great to be right. Live your own long-term dedication, which is why many couples can share adversity, but they cannot share wealth. Once the test passes, that sense of dedication will disappear.

Blind dates pay more attention to material conditions than free love, whether to add a name to the real estate certificate, whether they have a house or a car, whether they are successful in their careers, because they know in their hearts that this is not pure love, so, marriage must be the same, right?Well, it's money.

Therefore, blind date marriages are not easy to divorce.Because there are a lot of weddings and betrothal gifts, the families of both parties have spent a lot of money, time and energy. Even if the two want to end, they will consider the original marriage cost and choose to make concessions.

Naked marriages mostly happen among couples who are in free love. People who are dazzled by love will not listen to any persuasion or obstruction. Several younger brothers and sisters are also fine, so once marriage is as deep as the sea, poor and lowly couples are sad about everything.

5.Blind date marriages are easier to last, free love is just enough love
In fact, the quality of a marriage is not measured by whether two people love each other, but by whether two people consume each other, whether they grow together, whether they have the same fun, similar jokes, compatible personalities, A non-tiring way of getting along.

If your own circle is too narrow, a blind date is a good way to get in touch with the opposite sex. If you can’t live without love, you should be rational. Don’t hypocritically take out fragments from romance novels as a model. What is only once in a lifetime? I can't give a gift to someone I don't love; a marriage that I don't want to settle for is a long life; any low-quality marriage is not as good as a high-quality marriage, all of which are vain, just look at it, don't take it seriously.

No matter which way you are together, there are advantages and disadvantages. The important thing is that you understand the meaning of marriage to yourself, and step into another stage of your life calmly with a peaceful mind.

The most hurtful thing in marriage is not cheating

1.Because if you don’t love, you won’t be able to hurt again

Went for tea with friends.

She poured the tea [-]% full and smiled: "Did you know that my husband cheated on you?"

I almost threw the teacup I just picked up, but she seemed more anxious than her: "Then why are you still acting so unhurriedly? What's going on? It's too sudden."

The friend continued to laugh and said: "It's no big deal. They are colleagues. They don't look up and look down. It's normal to have a relationship after a long time, but they were too careless and didn't delete the chat records. I saw it. Well, speaking of it, it should be It happened when he was on a business trip years ago. Something that shouldn’t have happened happened. It’s been almost half a year before I found out. Hey, didn’t you all say that I have a high IQ? Was there something wrong with the test at that time? Look at it now Wake up, my IQ is not high."

My serious face was a little dumbfounded by her words: "Elder sister, when is this, you are not paying attention, what are you going to do?"

She took a sip of tea, still smiling: "We are negotiating a divorce. We don't have much property, so we each take our own. The house and the car belong to me, which can be regarded as compensation for the loss of youth. He is very reluctant and asks I forgive, but what am I not to forgive? I don't hold grudges against him."

The best friend and her husband have been in love for two years, married for three years, a total of five years, and more than five years of relationship. A divorce agreement has wiped out all the past of love.

I still remember when they first fell in love, my friend told her that she had a dream in which they broke up. One day, the two reunited after a long absence. The difference was that she was alone, and there was a new woman by his side. Friends, a few of them even went to the restaurant to have a sit down. The friends saw him remove the fishbone for the new girlfriend after the breakup, grilled the shrimp, and filled up the juice that the new girlfriend loved to drink...

The friend found it unbearable, woke up from the struggle, and found that the man who had broken up in the dream was sleeping beside him, snoring loudly, so he was relieved.

If he cheated at that time, she would definitely not be able to bear it. She would definitely take revenge hysterically, try her best to keep him, and even procrastinate her whole life not to divorce, because she loves, loves deeply, even in her dream, is Fear of separation.

But now that he is cheating, she can deal with it calmly, she can get the divorce certificate with a shrug, and then start her own little life again, because not only he doesn't love her anymore, but she doesn't love her anymore, and he won't be able to hurt him anymore to her.

2.Lack of love is the root cause of the decline of marriage

I posted a Weibo yesterday, originally there was such a sentence: those clamoring to swear to the death that they will not forgive are mostly young girls who are not yet married, and they have principles without experience.

After thinking about it, I still delete this sentence. I don’t want to be sprayed, and I don’t want to cause public outrage, but this sentence is true. Most marriages will encounter some crises. Some are financial crises, such as no car or house; some are relationship crises. , such as raising a mistress after an extramarital affair; some domestic violence, and some feuds between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.There are also some trivial things, which are enough to consume the vigorous love of the year when they are accumulated.

For many marriages, it is inevitable that love will turn into familiarity and become family affection. I have also said before that it is not necessarily love that grows old together. It may be habit, it may be kindness, it may be improvisation, or it may be There is no way.

Every time there is a celebrity cheating or divorce incident, there will be news that the couple has divorced long ago, but they kept it secret because of the bondage of interests. In fact, there are many such cases outside the entertainment industry. Some things are well known Ming, don't pierce the paper on the window, what should you do, just don't let the other party get off the stage, just love each other before, and sleep separately after each other.

Many people are more rational and do not regard love as the whole of life and marriage. Do you dare to say that the marriages that Wendi Deng has experienced successively are for love?For such people, ambition and power may bring them more pleasure.

Therefore, in this case, no matter who makes a new love, the other party doesn't care, as long as your new love doesn't affect the overall situation and interests, it's OK.

In marriage, there is no harm if you stop loving each other.

In a marriage, the most hurtful thing is not the cheating itself, but what the cheating reflects: you are still in love, but he hurt you the most.

Therefore, the fundamental reason for the decline of marriage is: lack of love.

What makes people painful is not the cheating itself, but also: not loving.

In other words, you are still in love, but the other party doesn't love anymore.

Psychological imbalance will trigger conflicts.

3.Give more love to yourself and your inner world

Meet a couple.

The woman opened a mobile phone store and earns money by selling mobile phones seriously, while the man is promiscuous everywhere, and the same is not repeated every month. There was even one time when a few friends got together, and he brought a strange young girl.

When his wife found out, she burst into tears. A woman who usually pays special attention to makeup, sat on the curb of the street with disheveled hair. At the end of the cry, her expression was in a daze, and she rushed to the middle of the road without paying attention. Fortunately, at that moment There are not many cars, but fortunately there are friends pulling them, otherwise one life will be gone.

Even so, she did not choose to divorce.

At that time, persuading her to divorce, after all the reasons, she couldn't leave, because she was still in love, and knowing this while she was in love was the biggest blow.

So the two fell into a vicious cycle of quarreling, but they didn't get divorced for a year or two. I don't know what happened afterwards, and we didn't contact each other after that.

In the relationship between the sexes, all conflicts are stimulated because one recognizes his own contribution, and the other ignores this contribution and reciprocates the harm.

This kind of injury, derailment is one of them, domestic violence, cold violence, speech attacks, insults, etc. are also one or more of them. He chooses to hurt because he does not love; she does not leave because she is still in love. When you don't love, you don't need to be persuaded, and you will let go naturally.

As I write here, I am not justifying cheating. Cheating is unforgivable. All the consequences and punishments caused by cheating are the result of the parties themselves. I just think that not being loved is the root of everything and makes people suffer. Wronged.

But even so, I still want to advise you to be the person who doesn't love very much, practice more and don't love. It's not cold-blooded, but I hope that you will be less hurt in the future relationship between the sexes.

There are still many issues in our life that need to be dealt with, so don't live so emotionally in love, and share more love with yourself and your inner world, which is a serious matter.

"I have cancer, you must be very happy?"

1.Is that why you love me?

I went to the hospital for a physical examination and sat on a chair in the lobby waiting for the results.

Suddenly I heard the elder sister sitting two seats away say, "You must be very happy?"

I turned my head, the happiest thing in a conversation in a place like a hospital is to get a test report with no disease or disaster. I am in good health and naturally feel happy.

Almost instantly, I thought, this should be a conversation of relief.

However, when I turned my head, I saw the shocked expression of the uncle on her right.

He looked at her, gradually, the shock turned into silence, then he lowered his head, clutching the plastic bag containing the filmed film in his hand, the whitening of his knuckles seemed to prove that the force was not light.

He said: "What is this saying? After all these years, you should be very clear about how I treat you."

She also looked at him, her expression was full of desolation, and she finally smiled: "Yeah, it's very clear that over the years, you often cook and wash clothes, and among the friends you often drink and play cards with, how many of them do housework?" What about?

"You didn't cheat. When a little girl chased you before, you didn't have half-heartedness.

"You are very kind to me, you have washed my hair and feet, and you will buy me something you like.

"Every time I quarrel, my friends say that I am contented and happy, that I can't find a man who treats me better than you..."

The eldest sister is only in her forties, and she seems to be talking about these words, but also seems to be hiding some emotions that she doesn't want to express.

"But, Lao Li, I'm not happy at all.

"You are a good gambler. Because of playing cards, you have lost all your money and owed a lot of money; because of playing cards, you have fought with people five times, and you have entered the detention center four times; because of playing cards, you have missed several times." The first opportunity for promotion, and finally opened a shop by myself, but also three days of fishing and two days of netting; because of playing cards, I quarreled with you, and you hit me twice...

"Over the years, I have been trying to help you get rid of this bad habit. I advise you, enlighten you, and act both hard and soft. If I want to give you a warm home, you may restrain yourself; if I want to speak harshly to you, you may become a little Be afraid, maybe you will change your mind; I'd rather you have a lover outside than you gamble all day long.

"Every time we quarrel, it's because of gambling. For this reason, I don't even like people who buy lottery tickets. All forms of gambling have become conditioned reflexes for me.

"I still don't understand, you said you loved me for more than ten years, why didn't you quit gambling, which is the thing I hate the most? We have both sons and daughters, and the conditions were good when you didn't lose the money. You could have been happy .

"Don't tell me, your hard work is really not in vain. The doctor said that depression has become a disease, and I finally became ill with anger, and now I can't even pay for the surgery.

"Alright, if you leave a few years earlier, you will be less angry for a few years.

"Old Li, I got cancer because of your anger, is this why you love me?"

Saying that, the elder sister stood up and walked towards the French windows of the hospital hall, where was the main entrance, the sun shone in, and I saw her back, leaving slowly and oldly.

Only the uncle, who was dumbfounded and unable to say a word, suddenly covered his eyes with his hands.

I know, he cried.

2.do you really know how to love your lover

At that moment, I was also very sad.

For the fate that could have been avoided, but also for the fate that cannot be changed.When we were young, we always said "I love you", as if this was the most perfect promise in the world, and when we said this, it was as if we had really achieved it.

If someone says he loves you, you have a gold medal from him to avoid death.

There is another way to do wrong, and self-willedness can also be pure love.

But why, when they are clearly in love, there is a big quarrel for three days, and a small quarrel for five days, and the determination to grow old together is so quarrelsome that they want to divorce halfway?

Do you really know how to love your lover?Are you using the right way for your lover?

You think that to love someone is to hold hands slowly and slowly, to grow old slowly, and to have fried rice with eggs instead of the romance of a candlelight dinner, that would be too expensive.

You think that apples are the best fruit, not something that smells weird like durians, so you buy her apples, regardless of her obsession with durians.

You think that it would be enough to wash her feet, make a meal, or buy some snacks, but you often play games until late at night, regardless of her moaning and sighing, and don't change it without asking.

You think that it is enough to spend money on her, but you never travel with her, communicate with her parents, entertain her friends, and don’t care whether her relatives are safe or not. You say, "I gave you my salary card, yes Are you not good enough?"

Do you think that it is unreasonable for her not to like you drinking, which man does not smoke and drink?She is angry?Just finish coaxing, brothers, where to continue the stall?She stayed where she was and said something that she didn't have time to say, "What should you do if your stomach bleeds again?"

You think that persuading and scolding him fiercely when he stays up late is the embodiment of love. After all, you care so much about his body, but you refuse to cook him a bowl of noodles or porridge when he works overtime, you say , Idol's TV series has been updated.

Do you think that he doesn't like you being alone with the opposite sex because he is small-minded, and he said that he only loves him, why is he still so disrespectful to others?You didn't turn around and saw his jealous expression and coquettish eyes...

Too much for you to think.

In fact, what you think is really just what you think.

Disappointment began to pile up in my heart little by little from this moment on.

Maybe you love the right person, but you use the wrong way.

3.True love is loving you the way you need

Recently reading "Six Chapters of a Floating Life", Mr. Lin Yutang said that Shen Fu's wife, Yun, is "the cutest woman in the history of Chinese literature". idea.

In fact, in my opinion, Yun was lucky. In the feudal era when men were superior to women, it was rare to meet a man who regarded himself as a treasure.

Between the lines, one can see Shen Fu's accommodating and changing. He likes to stay in bed, but wakes up early with her; He only loves Li Bai's poetic style, so he will accompany her to cook wine and enjoy the moon, sip tea and comment on flowers, and the joy of life is a model.

This is real love, the way she needs it.

If I really love you, I don’t need you to force me, I don’t need you to request me, I hope you will smile more, be healthier, and be more happy, and I will naturally choose the best way to love you.

A friend used to sing and sing every night, and the nightlife was never discounted. He changed several girlfriends because the other party cried that being with him was not like falling in love. In his world, brothers and friends, drinking and playing ball, singing and bathing...anything One item is ranked before the girlfriend.

However, later he met true love.

The current said: "He is the best boyfriend in the world."

As soon as he changed his playful attitude in the past, he came home after get off work, cooked, and even washed the dishes after eating. When asked why, he said: "My girlfriend doesn't like cooking, and her hands are always cold. Make it up for her."

You probably already understand what true love looks like, with the right way and the right posture. The premise of loving her is to treat her well in her way.

And those who never take your feelings into consideration, and those who are unwilling to change for you, most of them love themselves first, and love you second.

The wrong way is always too much.

We are used to using our own thinking to figure out what the other person is thinking, and we want him to develop according to the pattern you stipulate, but we never consider what the other person wants.

Maybe she wants a lot of love, but you pay for companionship; maybe she wants a home, and you treat it like a hotel; maybe she just needs a hug, but you say "why cry, you can solve it yourself".

You didn't give her what she wanted, but you said to everyone: "I love her very much, and I took her to meet every friend of mine."

Sometimes what we think of as love may just be a kind of hurt.

Someone asked me what kind of person I should marry, and I said, "First of all, a person with a good personality."

A girl with a good personality will make you feel that the family is getting warmer and warmer.

A man with a good personality will make you feel safe in life.

People with a good personality are more likely to accept your opinions and correct their own shortcomings. Don't care about small things and think more about big things. Only when two people get along can they get long-term peace.

And, it's a great way to keep you healthy.

I have seen some women who are discouraged and give up on themselves because their husbands cheated or were lazy or never corrected their shortcomings, and shed tears all day long.In fact, women's bodies are most afraid of getting angry, and the anger of all diseases will come up.

It's okay to live away, but I'm most afraid of death.

That is a regret that cannot be made up for in a lifetime.

From this point of view, I agree with one thing about the health regimen reproduced by the parents in the circle of friends, that is, getting angry can lead to illness.

Cancer has an incubation period, and every disease has an incubation period. Anger is the culprit of illness. Maybe more than ten years later, you will send your lover to the intensive care unit of the hospital with your own hands.

4.Just because I don't want to miss the person who understands me

Liao Yimei said: "In this life, it is not rare to meet love and sex. What is rare is to meet understanding."

The word "understanding" is above love and sex, so it can be seen how rare it is.

This is probably why, there are always people getting divorced, some cheating, some falling in love with married people, and some being mistresses... In the end, I always don't want to miss the person who understands me.

The person who doesn't know you is probably the one who makes you angry.

In the beginning, you don't necessarily blame him.

In the end, you may become depressed and ill like the eldest sister I met.

I hope, you are a little more stupid, less angry, your body is your own, and your life is also your own.

I also hope that the person you love can understand you and love you in the way you need.

When I was young like you, I liked bad guys too
1.stupid things done in love
On weekends, the sisters spend their time in the box holding microphones.

The time was fast approaching the early morning, and everyone had no intention of leaving the venue. I couldn't bear it anymore, so I explained that I would get up early to go to work early in the morning and return home early.

Ah Ruo said, "Honey, wait a little longer, there are still people coming."

While talking, someone pushed the door. It was two men with cigarettes in their mouths. They were ruffian. There were clear tattoos on their arms outside of their T-shirts. They squinted at the people in the room and didn't greet them Hit, went straight to Ah Ruo's sister.

Sister A Ruo was sitting on my left side, I saw her expression of joy, and she said shyly, "Why did you come here?"

The tall man plopped down on the sofa and leaned back: he was having a drink with his friends, as soon as he heard that there was something wrong with you, hurry up and catch the rape.

Sister A Ruo pushed him affectionately, and her voice became louder: "Oh, I'm just joking."

In this way, a sisters gathering quickly changed its taste, everyone looked at each other in blank dismay, and left the venue one after another.

Ah Ruo pushed my reluctant and reluctant sister into a taxi, and dragged me to the steam room, with a look of expressing my heart all night long.

Ah Ruo asked me: "What do you think of that man just now?"

I recalled the scene at that time, full of cigarettes and alcohol, full of ruffian, ignorant of others, not even the most basic manners, so I said: "It's a bit disgusting."

Ah Ruo nodded and said, "I feel the same way. Unfortunately, my sister loves him so much that she won't listen to my parents' dissuasion. Just now, when you said you were going to leave, my sister told me quietly , She sent a message to that man, saying that she was drinking with other little fresh meats in the box, and that man just came over."

This kind of plot is not unfamiliar, which woman has not done stupid things in love?But at the age that Ah Ruo and I are now, hearing such a story, we can’t help but feel helpless: After all, we have passed the age of liking ruffians.

According to Ah Ruo, the tall man's family is in good condition. He lives in a villa by the sea, calls friends all day long, and lives a chic life. He is currently single, but he was once married and has a two-year-old daughter.

For unknown reasons, he divorced his ex-wife, and his daughter followed his mother, and he obtained visitation rights.

The man and his younger sister met through friends, but the picky younger sister was easily captured, and she was out of control ever since. The two held hands, kissed, hugged, and did everything they should do and what they shouldn't do. After that, the man didn't Believe me.

The younger sister cried and asked Ah Ruo: "What do you mean by him? I think he cares about me a lot. Why did he suddenly say that we are only suitable for being friends?"

The younger sister and the man split and reunited, making a fuss, and in the end, she was the only one left to stimulate him with another man, in exchange for the two of them sitting on the same sofa.

But even so, the two of them are not considered boyfriend and girlfriend. The men are inseparable, and they are not really together unless they say they are separated.

2.Why young love is easy to die

When I was young, I saw Young and Dangerous Boys, and I thought they were so handsome that they were scumbags, so I wanted to find a man like this. He has blurred eyes when he smokes, has the courage to smash people with a wine bottle, tattoos that can't be hidden in summer, and a man between his eyebrows. Can't hide the ruffian.

Or, he is flirtatious, and you will never leave, and take it as the joy of life. Even if you are abused to the point of being bruised all over, you still have to struggle and crawl forward, and then look back and smile and say, "I finally waited for you."

Or, the love between the two parties is taboo, but people are such creatures that become more and more courageous when they become frustrated. Family opposition and moral constraints are not reasons to cut off the love network. Moths to the flame are not just casual talk.

It's like a drama in an idol drama. No matter how everyone slanders and slanders him, she will unswervingly believe in him and believe that she is the heroine of this drama. Six hired and eight carried a big sedan chair to marry her, and the prince and princess lived a happy life ever since.

The so-called beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that is: no kind of badness is really bad, there is no so-called inappropriateness, his badness is just what others think, for those who fall in love, all they see is theirs. Well, as long as you love each other, nothing else matters.

Some people are young, some people were young.

Many young loves died because of this.

Too much work and money.

The more unpopular love is, the easier it is to not reach the end. It is not the bystanders who know, but the authorities who will reap the consequences one day, and suddenly look back and find out: Why did you fall in love with such a miserable person in the first place.

However, if time goes back, she may fall in love again with the person she despised later on. Whether the love is superficial or profound depends entirely on your own strength.

When you are young and lack judgment on the essence of things, it is easy to look at people only on the surface and love the wrong person; however, when we are young, we don’t know what will happen in the future, and we don’t know that we will meet better people in the future , I don’t know that being stable is happier than wandering, I don’t know that love doesn’t have to waste people’s money, but harmony makes money, and I don’t know that a family of three watching TV on the sofa is more enviable than going to a bar late at night to get drunk.

Youth is for trial and error, even if everyone is against you being with him, you still have the courage to hide in his arms and imagine forever.

When the youthful impulse passes, people will improve in time. Your criteria for choosing a spouse begin to increase to economic conditions, social status, whether you have a sense of responsibility, whether you can protect yourself, etc. Sometimes, when you think of the past, only Shaking his head and smiling wryly: I don't know how I was blind in the past and fell in love with people of that level.

3.It's just that the man just adorned her dream

Zhang Ailing said at the beginning of "The Story of the Golden Lock": We may not catch up to see the moon 30 years ago. Young people think that the moon 30 years ago should be a red and yellow halo the size of a copper coin, like Duoyunxuan letterhead A teardrop fell on the paper, old and blurred.The moon 30 years ago in the memories of the elderly is happy, bigger, rounder and whiter than the moon in front of them. However, looking back after 30 years of hard work, even the best moon can't help but feel a little sad.Talented and proud like Eileen Chang, looking back on her love affair with Hu Lancheng, I don't know whether to regret it or not.

He was older than her and almost resembled her father.

He has no virtue, and when he met and fell in love with her, he already had a second wife in his family.

He was in love with her, and once in a different place, he lived with another woman not long after. He was very affectionate, and even later, he confessed his heart and soul to another woman in front of her, which was like a happy scene of his wife and concubine.

He was unfaithful and was accused by thousands of people and spurned by thousands of people. He was a traitor that everyone hated and punished.

In Zhang Ailing's life, even if he let him down so much, she still couldn't bear to see him wandering, even if she broke up, she had to pay 30 yuan in manuscript fees to commemorate this love that started and ended, and then he took the money and went to Japan.

Perhaps in her eyes, Hu Lancheng is just that talented and personable man. He understood her at a certain moment, and became a pillar of her heart at a certain moment. Therefore, she, who is proud in front of the world, is lowered into the dust. Her love is dust. flowers blooming.

Perhaps, there is too much imagination in a woman's love. On a certain day of a certain year, he appeared and fulfilled all her expectations and longings. She wanted to create an alluring love.

"It's not that kind of man she loves, it's just that the man just adorned her dream."

What she wanted was what she needed at the time.

4.Some love, leave early

A Ruo said: "I persuaded my sister many times, and I used all threats and temptations, but she didn't listen. In fact, I really wanted to tell her that I went to an event not long ago, and everyone I knew was a good person." People, men are gentlemen, women are elegant, and the topics of discussion are nothing more than financial investment cooperation and mutual benefit. If you go there, you will see occasions that a tattooed ruffian cannot participate in.”

"But, I know, I can't stop her. We were all young, and we also love wrong people, and we don't care about other people's advice. We want to protect our hard-earned love."

Yes, don’t hit the south wall and don’t look back, this is the real life of young people. Only after experiencing it will you know what you want. When you get older, you finally know how to avoid those detours, how not to let You hurt yourself, you don't stumble like that, and you finally understand how naive and willful you were back then.

But when we were young, who of us could be our own Zhuge Liang?
You can’t just give up your persistence despite others’ advice. You have to hit your head and bruise before you know what kind of wound medicine is the best, what kind of person you can’t love, and what kind of person will become your childhood love. The chickenpox that has grown is only once in a lifetime, and the next time you will be immune.

However, you can try and make mistakes when you are young, but life does not allow you to make mistakes again and again. If you can, be more rational when facing love.Being young is not an excuse for indulgence, there are some unrequited loves, some feelings that consume your body and mind, and some people who are too "bad" for you, you should leave as soon as possible.

Whether he loves you or not, don't you know?
1.A man who doesn't love you is not worth it
One day late at night, I received a message from a girl.

The man she had loved for two years, cheated on a rich woman by her side, and broke up with her resolutely. She was unwilling to cry every night and every day. Every time the pain was extreme, she fantasized that he could come back. She didn't mind anything. , just want to start over.

In the end, the so-called rich woman was just pretending to deceive the man with false wealth. The man was disappointed, so the prodigal son turned back, regained his old love, and returned to her side.

But once there is a crack in the love, once there is a quarrel or discord, all the embarrassment will come out and fill it, and the unresolved knot will make people despair.

There is no longer any tacit understanding and love between the two of them. Most of the time, she kept checking and doubting, and he was tired of explaining; she was hysterical, but he continued to endure;

Despite this, he still proposed, and after breaking up and reuniting several times, buying a house, buying a car, preparing for the wedding, banqueting guests...everything around him was put on the agenda.

She started to panic.

The man who used to be arrogant and playful has become considerate, meticulous and obedient to her.

She was not moved, but felt sad, because she took the down payment of the house, and wrote two people's names.

It turned out to be a conspiracy.

She asked me, is her anxiety a premarital fear?
I replied: No, it's because you finally saw certain truths, and finally gradually separated yourself from this relationship. You already know that he doesn't love you, but you just don't want to give up.She sent a wry smile and said: I am very hesitant. In the past, I was afraid that he would leave and that he would not love me, but now I am afraid of getting married and living like this with him for the rest of my life.After all, a lifetime is so long.

A lifetime is so long.

Before marriage, he could still abandon you unscrupulously. After marriage, if he repeats the same mistakes, do you have the courage to bear and tolerate him again?

For the down payment of the wedding room, he can bend down, bow his head or kneel. How can you expect such a man who is only interested in profit to treat you sincerely after marriage?

When he talks to you about spending money to do things for him, how can you tell that this man has half consideration for you?Whether he loves you or not, you have already made plans in your heart, and you are still obsessed with it, but you have not yet reached the point of despair.

Once you start to wake up somewhere in your heart, your reason can come back and come back to tell you that a man who doesn't love you is not worth it.

2.If there is no love in the eyes, where is it?
Coincidentally, while having breakfast, I heard a couple arguing.

The man kept the posture of being ready to leave at any time, the woman grabbed his arm and said patiently: "My parents didn't mean that. They asked about your financial conditions to care about our future life. They didn't mean to underestimate you. You misunderstood gone."

The man's eyes can't see love, only excessive disdain, he said: "Isn't this called looking down on people? Whatever you want, love thinks whatever you want, I have to leave beforehand."

A man's absent-mindedness is unobstructed.

I never judge things and people on the first side, but human nature is such a thing, it is not so beautiful, it is full of snobbish faultfinding.

The woman's tears immediately welled up in her eyes, she looked around embarrassedly, wiped them away gently, and said: "Then you go first, we will talk at night."

Without looking back, the man immediately withdrew his arm from the woman's hand without any regrets.

Maybe it's just an ordinary quarrel, maybe it's just anger, but I always feel that if there is no love in a person's eyes, then where is there?What is the use of what is said in the mouth?Love that does not reach the eyes or the heart is just a false surface.

People in love like to deceive themselves and others.

I am used to finding some plausible excuses to give myself a reason to continue supporting.

Because loving him has become the sunshine in the morning, the street lamps on the roadside, the rainbow after the rain... It is enough to resist the darkness of this world, it is enough to withstand the cold wind and frost, just thinking about it, I feel that there is hope in the long road ahead.

So I can't bear the loss, so the person who gives more love is greater than or equal to.

Life is too lonely, love has become the biggest help, wind, frost, rain and snow, thousands of mountains and rivers, the crowd recognizes you, and you can no longer escape.

I understand these things, but you must always know that no one can be your reliance.

He is devoted to you, and even if he cannot guarantee this for the rest of his life, how can you rely on self-comfort, and give all your heart to this indifferent him in front of you?

Silly girl, whether he loves you or not, you know it in your heart, but you just don't want to admit it.

How important is a woman's gentleness in a marriage?

1.runaway mom at the climbing gym
On weekends, I accompanied my son to the gymnasium to play rock climbing, and encountered a quarrel between a mother and son.

The mother looked very angry and shouted at the boy: "Why are you so timid, just like your unworthy father, this thing is also inherited? Why don't you inherit it?"

The boy lowered his head and said nothing, and the mother said angrily, "Hurry up, I spent so much money to get you a card, and you won't climb if you don't want to? Is it easy for me to earn money?"

The boy cried out loudly: "Mom, I don't dare, it's too high and I'm afraid."

The boy was only four or five years old, and kept his head down. When he raised his head at this moment, his tears were like broken beads. He was very pitiful. Seeing that his mother was about to lose control, the staff hurried over to persuade the mother and the child. into the rest area.

Later, my son had a great time playing with the coach, so I went to sit on the sofa for a while, and the mother and son had already left. I guess the child still refused to compromise.

The little girl at the front desk saw me looking around and asked me if I was looking at the boy who was crying just now. She said she was worried.

It turns out that the boy has been a member of their family for several months. Every time he experiences 7D cinema, laser shuttle, etc., these are very good, but if he doesn’t play rock climbing or bungee jumping, his mother will be very angry and think he is timid. , cowardly, and scolded every time, the boy was happy when he first came, but now he is not happy when he comes, probably because of resistance.

My first thought was that the child is afraid of heights. The girl at the front desk said: "We also told his mother that he should be guided step by step. Who knew that within 5 minutes of the coach's persuasion, his mother's temper came up. I am very worried. She will beat the child when she goes back."

Later, the chatty girl said: "It's no wonder this mother is always in a bad mood, she's divorced."

It happened last year. The boy followed her. The ex-husband had a good income and would give them enough living expenses every month. Even if she didn't go to work, the money was enough for the daily expenses of the mother and son.She loves to talk, but she has a short temper. The girl at the front desk even heard her complain: "His father always feels depressed at home. You said that educating children is so hard. If you don't lose your temper, he won't listen at all. Can you be gentle?"
2.A gentle woman who can do nothing but do nothing

In fact, it can be gentle.

Sister Mei is a gentle woman.

Sister Mei’s husband is a very good friend of mine, Mr. Qin. When I met her for the first time many years ago, her eldest daughter was only in kindergarten. Now, the younger daughter is almost three years old, and the eldest daughter is also in fourth grade.

Sister Mei and her husband originally worked nine to five in their hometown, but later went to Beijing to do business.Over the years, the business has been getting better and better. I bought a house in my hometown and changed several cars. Every time I get together, I am very willing to sit with her and listen to her talk about my life.

During the Spring Festival, we got together for dinner. During the dinner, her youngest daughter wanted to make it convenient for her to go. Sister Mei was about to get up, but the eldest daughter stood up and said, "Mom, let me go. You and Auntie can chat for a while."

Really, I'm used to seeing families with two children, where the eldest is indifferent to the second and bullies the second. This sweet scene at Sister Mei's house is probably lingering in my memory.

Sister Mei said that the youngest daughter is more naughty, and sometimes she can't help but blame her. The eldest daughter will protect her younger sister and reason: "Mom, my younger sister is the pistachio of our family. She is still young, you can't do this." .”

Sister Mei said that when her sister was wronged, she would cry with her.

Sister Mei said that every time she bought delicious snacks and fruits, her sister would keep them and eat them together when she came back from school.

Sister Mei said that her daughter's academic performance is very good, ranking in the top ten in her grade, but her daughter has never attended a remedial class.

Sister Mei said a lot, and after listening to it, I just wanted to reply: "Sister Mei, you educated really well."

Sister Mei smiled and said: "To be honest, I am outdated. I am not as good as you guys who know about scientific parenting. I really haven't studied how to teach children. I don't even know how my daughter asks me math problems. My daughter and I Say, Mom doesn’t understand, I’m afraid I’ll teach you the wrong thing, why don’t you, write it down by yourself, and ask the teacher at school tomorrow, or sometimes just ask the children to go to a classmate’s house to discuss and discuss.”

It is this kind of concept that doing nothing is better than doing something.

I have also read some articles such as "Sensible children are the most pitiful", but Sister Mei's daughter's sensibility is natural and formed spontaneously in being loved. Those who are forced to be sensible are completely different from this.

I also noticed a detail. Sister Mei’s eldest daughter wanted to eat fish, but the table was too big for her. Sister Mei stood up with a smile, picked up a chopstick fish and handed it to her daughter’s bowl, saying, “Give it to my baby.” My daughter eats a piece of fish, and after eating it, she swims as fast as a fish."

Her eldest daughter laughed beside her.

Sister Mei’s husband is also a gentle person, but I know he lost his temper once. When he learned that Sister Mei’s second child was a daughter, the mother-in-law and relatives were not happy. They still thought that this child would be a son to continue Sister Mei's husband slapped the table loudly: "We live, not you. My family lives well without a son. Put away your feudal thinking, and I like girls."

This family is the most successful family I have ever seen.

3.Mild, the nutrition a family needs most
What I mean by success is not getting fame and fortune, being successful at both sides, or even getting ahead, not starting from scratch, but this family, which has too much joy and warmth, too much calmness and happiness.

Yes, in my opinion, Sister Mei has contributed a lot to the success of the family.

Some families have high education, high income and high positions, but they are cold-hearted, and every word between husband and wife is full of thorns. Would you feel happy?

In some families, the wife hates east and west, the car is not high-end, the house is not big enough, the husband doesn’t even wash his socks, and the child doesn’t get good grades in exams. Will things get better after complaining?
I told Mr. Qin that Sister Mei looked like a woman from Vanves.

How important is a woman's gentleness in a marriage?It is so important that it is related to the happiness index of the family, the development of the child's character, childhood memory and growth model, and even the career and bearing of the husband.

What does moderate mean?Baidu Encyclopedia says that it is not harsh, not rough, peaceful but not violent, and it also describes the weather as cold and hot, neither hot nor cold.

Yes, why does the world have the word "suitable"?It must be because people loved it so much that it came out.

Appropriate temper, don't beat and scold children, don't pull out seedlings to encourage them, and don't indulge in forcing children with self-pursuit.

Appropriate personality, not a little bit is like lighting gunpowder, if you don't ignite the fire, you are not irritable, don't hurt your loved ones with the most hurtful words, and don't use a poisonous tongue as an unintentional excuse.

Get along well, smile at the people next to the pillow, talk softly to the children, and fill the family with laughter.

Women are the leading line of a family, throughout.

A woman's mood affects the atmosphere of a family.

The improvement of the family begins with the improvement of women's self-cultivation.

A gentle woman will make people involuntarily like, love, and admire her, and want to be friends with her, not enemies.Children and husbands who are not afraid of you but love you and want to protect you are a good family.

Gentleness is the cultivation that a woman should have, and it is also the nutrition that a family needs most.

Can you not get married?OK, just think it through
1.Before stepping into the siege, Haruko was tired of life in the siege

A few days ago, the neighbor Aunt Wang had a fight with her daughter Haruko.

Haruko hysterically said: "I've met all the people you introduced, so what can I do if I don't like it? Can't I live a peaceful and leisurely life for a few days? Do I have to find someone to marry?"

Aunt Wang protested angrily: "I'm not doing it for your own good. You're almost 30 years old, and you're a leftover woman and an elderly woman. What else should you choose? It's good if people want you."

Haruko became even angrier, and said, "What do you mean, your daughter is so lowly, it has reached the point of clearance sale?"

Not to be outdone, Aunt Wang said, "Anyway, you will continue to go on blind dates this week until we get married!"

Haruko slammed the door and left. Just as she went downstairs, she met me who was back from grocery shopping.

So I listened to Haruko complaining while carrying the vegetables.

In fact, Haruko is very good. She is 1.7 meters tall and does not need high heels at all. She works as HR in a foreign company and her salary is not bad. She rented a house near the company. She could come back once or twice a week, but now because of Aunt Wang The urging marriage, not coming back once a month.

In Haruko's perception, she never seriously considered getting married. She said that she didn't want to be a woman like her mother.

Haruko's mother, also known as Aunt Wang, has no job all her life, and she is addicted to chatting with her peers in the community, talking about everything, and losing her temper.When I was young, apart from complaining about my husband's career not being big enough, I also complained about my children being incompetent and disobedient.Now that she's older, it's even worse. The focus of her life has become complaining about her husband's socializing too much and not going home, and forcing Haruko to go on a blind date and get married soon.

Haruko was very distressed, worried that she was a good young girl, and she would become like her mother when she got married.

Before she stepped into the siege, she was tired of life in the siege.

2.Many women are ruined by marriage

In fact, I understand Haruko. To be honest, people of the same age can tell at a glance, those who are married and have children, and those who are not married and have no children.The air of a girl and a young woman are obvious.

A woman who is married and has children, no matter how well you take care of yourself, no matter how beautifully you dress up, no matter how charming your eyebrows and eyes are, no matter how much your husband loves you, you are already different from those girls who have not left the court.

What will you face when you get married?

One is consumption.

Some people say that in modern society, if you fall in love, you live together. Marriage is just a matter of proof, and there is no big difference.

Actually, the difference is huge.

Before getting the certificate, you only need to face your love, do what you want, do things according to your mood, and break up at worst.

After obtaining the certificate, what you have to face is the other party's family, everyone and the small family have to take care of it.

Before getting the certificate, you should buy it for yourself after paying your wages. Your mobile phone and computer are the latest models from Apple, and your skin care and makeup are all from Chanel, Dior Guerlain.You feel a little tired from work, so you book a plane ticket and go on a trip, and leave as soon as you say; you go shopping and find the sofa is good, so you change the old one at home; Crazy until a few minutes; picking strawberries and climbing a mountain on weekends are all beautiful selfies.No one talks about you as a moonlight family, no one talks about your consumption concept, break up with your boyfriend if you are not satisfied, and walk with high heels full of arrogance.

What about after receiving the certificate?What about after having a child?

As soon as the salary is paid, I use it to repay the mortgage. I can’t eat out every day when I have children. I go to the vegetable market whenever I have time. It is easy to have a two-person world, and feel guilty, thinking about bringing the children together next time.You, who used to be poetic and petty bourgeois, are gone. You only think about which dishes are nutritious to help children grow up. When you have free time, you study parenting knowledge. You sleep well all night long for your children's study.make up?Dating?shop?Once the child is sick, you can't wait to exchange everything for the sake of the child's health.

Do you think this is over?
The mother-in-law comes over from time to time to make trouble, and accuses you of taking the children too casually, and the seven aunts and eight aunts also come to meddle. If you are polite and thoughtful, people say it should be. If you don’t do a detail well, people will say so-and-so’s daughter-in-law. Stupid as hell; if you want to meet a husband with a high EQ and IQ, it’s okay, but if you meet an ignorant one, you just wait to cry, he doesn’t care if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are at odds, he doesn’t care if the child urinates, if you scold him, he will say you are making trouble for no reason, Ask friends to drink when you go out, there are so many postpartum depression, and you are not bad.

The second is aging.

After pregnancy, there may be spots on the face and stretch marks on the body. After breastfeeding, the breasts will sag, and mastitis may be caused. Pain is also common.

The point is, you will not arrange yourself in the first place, you will just think about enduring when you are tired, and you will feel that it is enough to endure the pain.old?Everyone gets old, you console yourself so much.

Getting married and having children will accelerate aging, because there are too many trivial things: accompany the children to get vaccinated, choose a school, complete various homework assigned by the teacher, pay attention to the children's friendship status, learning status, and playing status. To be honest, if it is not for the strong love It will be very tiring to do support.

Yes, we can put aging in perspective, but nobody likes aging.

The third is emotional deterioration.

It is easy for a person to get up after falling down, but after having a family, it is very easy to discount your struggle, and you will have concerns about doing things. Seek stability and peace in everything, because there are people behind you who rely on you for support, and you cannot be willful.

I believe that many women have regretted after entering marriage: it is better not to get married.

To be honest, I have always believed that many women are ruined by marriage. She could have soared to the top by virtue of her persistent light and got married, but when she turned around, she cried, made trouble and hanged herself.

3.what does marriage do for us

So what are we getting married for?

For love, for parents, for not being a leftover woman, for better economic conditions, for a family, for no longer wandering, for no longer being alone... In the final analysis, it is to tend to the inner desire.

What does marriage bring us?
One is a sense of security.

Those who love each other are afraid of losing.

A marriage letter, for some people, is a sense of security; for some people, it means warmth.

When the wind and rain come, someone will hold an umbrella for you; when the zither is blowing, someone will sing with you; When you can’t afford something you like; someone swipes your card for you; when you want to go out for a walk, someone will accompany you, fearing that you will be in danger.

When the wind and rain come, you have concerns in your heart. You hope that you will be there when he is sick, you will be there when he is confused, you will be there when he is seventy and eighty on crutches, and you will be the first signatory when he needs surgery.You hope that each other will warm this life and face all the hardships in this world together.

He is your hero and becomes your belief. If you want this journey to go smoothly, don't forget this original intention.

The second is motivation.

Marriage is a person's weakness and armor.

Life is so long, you must have a sustenance to live better. When there is someone who can stimulate your energy and push you forward, your progress will be meaningful and visible.

A bad marriage is consumption, and a good marriage is growth.

The third is consummation.

Does marriage have to be considered consummation?Not necessarily, but getting married and having a child is indeed very fulfilling, and you will feel that your life has entered a new chapter.

Can you not get married?Yes, there is no rule that a person must be married in order to fulfill the mission of being a human being. This is just your choice, but if you choose, you will be responsible for all the consequences.

There is no rule for everyone to follow the same path. Just as people have different constitutions and personalities, some people are really not suitable for marriage.

I am a classmate, and I love the job of housewife very much. My son and daughter are taken care of by her every day.She is really gentle, she doesn't get angry with her children, she doesn't complain to her husband, and she never thinks about full-time wives who are out of touch with society, can't keep up with the times, or have backward thinking. If you love your children and your family wholeheartedly, your marriage is also very happy.

On the contrary, a friend used to think that the child dragged him down all day long, so he couldn't go out to play, the child was irritable when he cried, and he was angry when he saw the mother-in-law. Is it someone else's fault?Don't have a question of your own?
Can you not get married?Row.Just think it through.

Change your mood, turn around and meet another life

1.What kind of self is a better self
I cut off my long hair a while back.

Although it didn't match my imagination, I was still very happy after changing into my favorite dress, wearing color contact lenses, matching appropriate jewelry, and applying meticulous makeup.

I looked at myself in the mirror with a different emotion.

Sometimes, life transitions come in an instant.

I always thought that only long hair is suitable for me, and it would be quite ugly to cut it off, but I immediately accepted myself with short hair, and I was very happy.

What I need is not a hairstyle, but a turning point that allows me to experience a life that I have never tried before, so that I am not limited to any one model, and love each style of myself.

Everyone is eager to meet a better self, what kind of self is a better self?

It’s not about struggling so hard at work that you almost die suddenly in exchange for a bonus at the end of the year; it’s not about getting revenge on your ex for doing something you don’t want to do; The domineering CEO falls in love with me" novel, while complaining about how other women have successful careers and go abroad to be gilded and have a fashion taste that is a hundred blocks away from yours.

It's that you really love yourself.

You think from the bottom of your heart that you don't have to rely on other people's evaluations. I am just this good. I like my appearance and my work. What I do is right. I recognize my own values. I am step by step on the road ahead. ,Getting better and better.

2.Do your best to love yourself, the beauty is not elsewhere
I used to think that a proud person like me must love himself very much.

Then I found out, not quite.

I never loved myself with all my might.

One of the manifestations of not loving yourself: Preoccupied all day long.

The second manifestation of not loving yourself: serious dissatisfaction with the status quo.

The third manifestation of not loving yourself: No matter what, you can't find the excitement.

The fourth manifestation of not loving yourself: Always think that what others have is the best.

I have been in these states, maybe you have too.

Of course, there are many manifestations of not loving ourselves. In short, we cannot seriously enjoy or treat the current state of life.

I always feel that the beauty lies elsewhere. The advantages and wealth are owned by others. You long for the appearance or knowledge of the other person. You look forward to another possibility. You can exchange identities with the other person just like in the novel; You can go back to life again; your husband is not as caring as her husband, and you can't help but sigh; your money is not as much as his, and you hope to have the opportunity to step into a high-level class in your lifetime.

You never thought about cherishing the present and enjoying the present.

All our desires are used in other people's world, that's not loving ourselves.

There is a person beside me who is full of interest in life—Sister Momo.

Everyone will encounter troubles, but she meets them in the morning, and in the afternoon she can still rescue her depressed self in the teasing with us, and she can still find fun in small incidents.

Once, celebrities were required to be invited to participate in the event, so we continued to screen through the quotation documents of many celebrities according to the price range provided by Party A to find qualified celebrities.

Her exclamation and laughter came from the quiet office at any time, and a price reminded her of the event story back then.She laughed as she talked, it was a pleasant afternoon, but she only told me in the morning about the trials and tribulations that I have encountered at this stage that make me feel discouraged.

I don't know if you have met such a person, she appeared to tell you that there is another life, which is more pleasant and happier.For the same test, you can see her completely different way of handling it.

3.Loss of interest in life, the first sign of withering

When you are used to the same life, you go out at a fixed time every day to throw garbage; you eat the same meal five days a week, and you can keep checking Weibo circle of friends and various entertainment gossips all night; Sitting in front of the computer all day; addicted to games, not social, the circle is getting smaller and smaller, people are getting more and more withdrawn, when you look in the mirror, you find yourself lifeless.

If you can calm down in this self-environment, you can calmly know what you want, and you can discover the real beauty in life, and get fun and peace from it, that is self-love, but if not, then Not love.

Once you are used to a life, you will not change it easily, because the change needs to pay some price.

For example, if I change my hairstyle, I have to accept the possibility that the new hairstyle does not match the contour of my face, resulting in an unattractive appearance.

For example, I planned to sell a house at the end of November, but I decided not to sell it at the beginning of December. I don't know whether this decision is right or wrong, just as I can't predict whether the real estate will appreciate in value or a lax bubble after many years.

For example, if you want to make an investment, you may use the deposit in the bank. You will consider the probability of losing money, because there is a probability of losing.

You always live with tense nerves, you always feel that there is something in your heart that has not been resolved or let go, you are too busy losing your temper, quarreling and wasting, you are too busy doing something to vent your emotions, you can’t see the flowers blooming, You can't see the sun, you can't see the smile, you can't see the meal prepared by your lover, or the living room decorated.

Later, you got so used to thinking that a piece of chicken feathers is the real life.In fact, you may just not think carefully about this fast-paced anxiety. You are addicted to the pursuit of fame and fortune every day. If you fail to pursue it, the anxiety will deepen and repeat.

4.Don't easily pass judgment on your status quo
I recently rewatched "Twelve Angry Men" and also watched the domestic remake of "Twelve Citizens".

The version in 1957 was in black and white, and the movie picture was far from the high-definition state of today. The lounge is crowded and dull. The main prop is a long table with worn-out equipment. The most obvious thing is that there is a sheet of paper and a pen.

A boy is believed to be the murderer of his father when the witness evidence is solid. Twelve jury members need to complete the "12:0" conclusion together in this lounge that is not connected to the outside world. That is to say, all twelve people either think that the boy is guilty or all think that the boy is not guilty. If one of them disagrees, then they will continue to discuss until the conclusion of "12:0" is reached again.

Twelve people, twelve temperaments, origins, occupations, values ​​and ways of thinking.

This is almost an impossible task.

Because it is easy to meet people who agree with you, but it is difficult to try to persuade them.

On the first vote, eleven voted that the boy was guilty.

There was only one person who raised "reasonable doubts." He laid out what he knew, what he could provide, and what he analyzed on the conference table without reservation, insisting that there should be no doubts in the undisputed situation. In this case, the charge of "father killing" will be placed on the boy's head. As a jury that can influence the judgment of the case, they are not trying to prove that the boy did not kill, but should try to give examples, debate, and research. Now Whether there is enough evidence to prove with certainty that the boy killed someone.

At least try.

Therefore, at the insistence of the jury members who raised "reasonable doubts", the vote of "not guilty: guilty" was changed from 1:11 to: 2:10, 3:9, 4:8, 6:6, 9: 3, 8:4, 11:1.

In the end, the last out-of-control juror cast a vote of "not guilty". So far, not guilty: guilty = 12:0.

This is the turning point of human nature.

Just like the meaning stated in the lines in the play: when you think the boy is guilty, he is already dead in your heart.

The preconceptions of those eleven people are our most common thinking.

We tend to lack independent thinking, and are afraid that changes will bring unbearable endings.

It is easy to follow the other party's train of thought according to the evidence provided by others.

We are too lazy to maintain the ending we want to see stubbornly, and we are unwilling to believe that maybe this ending is wrong, and even if it is right, we are too lazy to prove it is right.

That's why you can't enjoy the moment.

You don't understand what the essence of life is, and you easily pass the verdict for your current situation. You didn't even try to struggle, and you just slid down this pattern like a slide. You complained that the slide was so cold, you complained about the slippery You fell down a big somersault, but at that time, you didn't think about whether you needed to take this slide.

5.Change the status quo and meet the life you want
There are always readers who start with this conversational pattern:
"Sister Cassie, I am timid in doing things. Being bold is considered arrogant, and being diligent is considered easy to be bullied. It's not right at all. I am afraid that others will bully me in partnership."

"Sister Cassie, after reading your article "There Is a Kind of Friend, It's Tiring to Get Together", I'm such a careless person, what should I do?"

"Cassie, my husband doesn't treat me very well. He despises me for being sloppy all day long. I can't take care of the child. You are a woman. Tell me, is it easy for us to have a child?"

"Sister Xi, I'm transparent in the group in the office. No one has ever mentioned me, no one @ me, no one replied to my messages, and I feel bad every day."

I read this kind of question, and sometimes there is a sense of hating iron and steel, you see, you are smart, you know where your crux is, but you stubbornly think that there is no way to change it, so, While you are distressed, you continue to maintain the status quo.

You completely forget that you are the protagonist, and you live in a world that needs approval from others.

You don't know how to love yourself, you can't think for yourself, so you can never redeem yourself.

How to do it?Don't be blocked by obstacles set by others, don't plan your life along the path of others, don't live in the persona that others need, don't lose the ability to think independently and love yourself at the same time.

When you do things, you can be selfish, first consider the consequences you may encounter, and see if the consequences are acceptable to you.

If you feel that you are lacking in mind, you should read more, gain more knowledge and see more of the world, regulate your words and deeds, be cautious in your words, and think twice before doing things.

Your husband is not good to you, and you are not good to yourself. It is not easy to have children, but this is not a reason for you to give up on yourself.

You are transparent, that means you spend all your time in the attention of others, are they the most important people in your life?This is an era when charisma is paramount. You don't have any charisma and shining points, and you don't give or understand others, so naturally no one needs you.

In the end, don't follow others' advice, don't give up on yourself, try to discover the little beauty in life, try to change the status quo, and find fun in it.Small pleasures lead to big ambitions, so that you can let go of your original stubbornness, and maybe you will meet the life you want as soon as you turn around.

Throughout life, most people will inevitably sigh "the end is hard to get over", but no one can really help you, except yourself, give yourself a little time to think, and figure out what your obsessions are, so that you can find the breakthrough of salvation .

Don't be afraid of change, that's how you get better.

Life is in your hands,

Death is on your minds.
(End of this chapter)