Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 26 Left-handed love and right-handed marriage, women's happiness must be managed (1)
Every wife should announce to the world what a great man she has married.

There is no perfect love and marriage
Most women long to meet the once-in-a-lifetime love. Of course, they also hope that this lucky love can accompany the trajectory of marriage, grow slowly, and become new as time goes on.

However, how to choose a love, how to choose a marriage is not an easy task for women.If only once, how would a woman choose?

Once, Plato asked his teacher Socrates about what love is. The teacher didn't answer, but let him go out to do one thing first: go to the wheat field to pick the biggest and most golden ears of wheat, but only once. And you can only go forward, not back.

He did what the teacher said, but came back empty-handed.The teacher asked him why he didn't pick the ears of wheat.He replied that because he could only pick one time, and he could only go forward and not turn back, so he saw a few larger and yellower wheat ears during the period, and wanted to pick one, but when he thought that maybe there would be more wheat ears ahead. When there are bigger and better ears of wheat, continue to move forward.But at the end, I realized that the largest and most golden ears of wheat had already been missed.

The teacher said: "This is love."

Once again, Plato asked the teacher what marriage is.The teacher didn't answer, but asked him to go to the woods and cut off the largest and most lush branch in the whole forest, which was most suitable for being a Christmas tree at home.The teacher's request is also that it can only be cut once, and you cannot turn back during the period.

He came to the woods and did as the teacher said.Then he came back with an ordinary branch that was neither very lush nor very good for a Christmas tree.

The teacher asked him why he only brought back an ordinary tree.He replied that because of the previous experience, he found that this tree almost met the requirements when he walked halfway this time, so he cut it down. Otherwise, he would not even find such a tree in the end.

The teacher said, "This is marriage."

If only once, how would you choose?

If you imagine love too perfect, you will miss the less perfect love.

If you take marriage too seriously, you will lose someone who is more suitable for you.

Therefore, don't imagine love too perfect, and don't imagine marriage too heavy, just rationally choose an emotion and marriage that can bring you happiness.

Don't impose self-righteous ideas in real life, there is always some gap between reality and ideal.No matter how perfect you think you are, when you get closer, you will find that he is just an ordinary person among all living beings.

Women should also boldly pursue love

Courtship is the golden key to open the gate of the kingdom of love, and the path leading to the rose garden of happiness.In the face of the man she likes, women should not use fate as an excuse for cowardice, but may as well jump out of shyness and bravely pursue their own happiness.No matter what you want, you have to work hard on your own, and the same is true in love.You know, passing love abounds in this world.When you have an unforgettable feeling for someone, please go for it, try it, and don't think it's enough to just wait.No man is destined to be yours, don't wait until you miss it, and then complain why you didn't take the initiative.

Take the initiative to attack.Generally speaking, men don't mind women taking the initiative to attack.On the contrary, if in a public place, a strange woman suddenly greets them, they will feel flattered in their hearts.

Find a topic.Talking to him is an inevitable and basic step if you want to socialize with him.If you dare not even do this, it will be difficult for love to get attached to you.Therefore, when you find a man you like, you must try to approach him quietly and find an opportunity to strike up a conversation with him.

Saying things like, "Can I do you a favor?" "Excuse me, what time is it?" "Have we met before?" Although this kind of statement doesn't mean much, it may be your bridge to success.Don't forget that through these words, you can further know, understand, and communicate.The topic itself is just an introduction, the purpose is to get to know him and get close to him through conversation.Therefore, you don't need to care about whether these words are meaningful, as long as you can think of them, you might as well say them all, and then further communicate.If you can do your best to do this, you may not be far from success.

Clever hint.Maybe you are not used to taking the initiative to talk to a strange man, then you can use another form.This means that you send out information and make hints, and the other party starts to take action after getting your hints.For example, when you spot a guy you like, you can smile at him.He may feel inexplicable, but he will react soon and take the initiative to talk to you, so that you will be successful.

Cast your charm.What are the criteria for a man to choose a girlfriend?Do they have any particular criteria?This is not an easy question to answer.In fact, there are many reasons why men like women, not only beautiful and lively women will attract men.

Dispel worries.When you meet a man you like, before you start, you think that he may not like you, or think "what if he is rejected" or "if he is cold, how can I Yes", that will lower your mood to a great extent, and even let the opportunity slip away.

In fact, there is no need to have these concerns. Everyone will have the psychology of "fear of being rejected", but this is a trivial thing.The question is not whether you will be rejected, but the fact that you have this kind of restlessness is the key to the problem.For example, if you want to ask a man you like to meet, you may sit by the phone for a long time, want to call him but hesitate, pick up the phone and want to dial the number but put it down, you still can’t make up your mind, that’s it Repeatedly.

In fact, as long as you make a brave phone call, the matter may be solved immediately, and you will get rid of that anxious state of mind from then on.Taking a step back, even if you get rejected, it's not a big deal.As long as you overcome shyness and apprehension, there will always be moments of success.

Not afraid to fail.When you're courting a man, don't be disheartened if you do get rejected.Don't think too low of yourself, the reason may not be that you are bad, but that he already has a sweetheart.This can only show that you have no fate with this "he", maybe where your "he" is working hard to train himself at the moment, ready to pursue you!

Don't be easily captured by love

A woman who is captured by love will often give all her love to the other party, regardless of whether the other party can accept it or not.This method is like pouring a pot of oil into a funnel all at once. Not only does it fail to pour in, but it also backfires and spills all the oil.Similarly, giving love is like pouring oil into a funnel, it needs to be done slowly in order to achieve good results.

Give your love unhurriedly.First of all, pay attention to his life, don't be stationed entirely, and adopt a "partial participation" approach.Because, in many ways, men actually value their privacy just like women.Therefore, a smart woman knows how to fully respect his personal space and his personal secrets, and will not intervene in all aspects of his life prematurely.

The clever Tanagan is a master of love.When she treats the men she likes, especially those outstanding men, she never takes the initiative to throw herself into her arms.She likes to pretend that she doesn't care about him, wanders around him leisurely, and then lures him quietly, like a bait, waiting for him to take the bait automatically.

He is a man with a successful career, extraordinary charm and refined temperament.He met her for the first time at lunch one time at a cafeteria Tanagan frequented.He is very conceited. Based on past experience, it is often women who strike up a conversation with him.

However, to his surprise, Tanagan was an exception.Tanagan was trying to get her attention as he was preoccupied with the ham, lettuce and tomato sandwich in front of him.Tanagan knew that he was watching her, and she also had a crush on him in her heart, but she pretended not to notice.

He came again the next day, and Tanagan just pretended to glance at him unintentionally, and then concentrated on finishing the delicious food on her plate, without giving him another look.He felt that his proud heart had been challenged, and he couldn't tolerate a woman belittling him so much.So, on the third day he came again, and nothing changed.On the fourth day, he refused to give up and came back, but Tanagan still turned a blind eye to him.He finally couldn't bear it anymore, and he thought it was a blatant provocation.That being the case, he must confront her head-on.He didn't believe that there really were women who didn't care about him.

So, on the fifth day, he took the initiative to ask her out. Before she agreed, she hesitated a little and said, "I don't know you, so I won't treat you like a lover. We can start as friends, and then, along the way It's natural."

This man once attracted many women, but when he met the clever Tanagan, he had to face the challenge of pursuing a woman who was not easy for him.This whetted his appetite, but also made him want her even more.

In love, when a man expresses his affection for a woman, many women mistakenly believe that the other party has given her some "power", and she can't wait to start exercising it.She will arrange a lot of things for him on her own, especially before he has given himself a definite commitment.

If a man finds that his girlfriend is always trying to dominate him, he may have a hard time making up his mind to marry her.Don't think that your relationship is very close, and don't think that just because you have the key to his apartment means that he has acquiesced in everything.Being too attentive will only make him lose all appetite for you and eventually stay away from you.

Ten types of men you should never marry

If you don't want to be a victim of marriage, you must say no to unmarriageable men.

Regardless of your own conditions, don't worry, everyone will get married sooner or later, what are you afraid of losing an opportunity?The next one that comes next, may be even better.You should observe him calmly, test him, get in touch with him more, and communicate more, so as not to discover his shortcomings after marriage. When those shortcomings are serious enough to hurt you, you have become a victim of marriage.

So, what kind of man can't marry?
[-]. A man who lacks understanding of women cannot marry.This kind of man doesn't want a wife, but a mother.If you want the protection and security of a husband, he is not the ideal match for you.

[-]. Men who live alone for a long time are not allowed to marry.If you want to associate with this kind of person, you must first find out why he does not marry. Is the condition too high, or is there another quirk?Since no one else can bear it, are you the only one who can get along with him?
[-]. Men who are not interested in sex are not allowed to marry.Liu Xiahui may not be restless, but has an ulterior "unspeakable secret".

[-]. A violent man cannot marry.A cultured man knows how to control his emotions.If your boyfriend is arrogant and unreasonable, and you are not to be outdone, then getting married is like adding fuel to the fire, and it will definitely lead to a big mistake.

[-]. Men who are addicted to gambling and drinking are not allowed to marry.These two kinds of men have no sense of responsibility. They can lose their fortunes because of gambling and drinking, and it is absolutely impossible for them to change their habits because of love.

[-]. A man who is too machismo cannot marry.This kind of man thinks from the bottom of his heart that a woman is an accessory, and being his wife is to serve him well. A woman can only hang around in the kitchen forever, and can only be a man's slave for a lifetime.

[-]. A man who is too far from you in all aspects cannot marry.Just imagine, if he is inferior to you in all aspects, is he willing to be a husband who is inferior to his wife in everything?Although the disparity in conditions between each other will not affect love, it will make lifestyles and thoughts run counter to each other. If you don't feel it when you are in love, you will feel pain when you get along for a long time.

[-]. Men with extreme personalities are not allowed to marry.A man who is submissive and silent in appearance may be violent and irritable in nature; while a man who pretends to be calm may be an incompetent, withdrawn, strong-willed man.

[-]. A stingy man cannot marry.This kind of man has little measure and regards money as his life, so he is not suitable for marrying a wife.His ideal wife is money. If you are a winning lottery ticket, you can get his love and sympathy.

[-]. You cannot marry a man whose interests are very different from yours.If you are quiet and he is active, even if you can appreciate each other when you are in love, in the end you will inevitably have a estrangement due to different interests.Unless you are a submissive woman who puts her husband first in everything, and is willing to accommodate her husband without making it a pain, otherwise, you should carefully consider whether or not to combine with him.

Of course, among the ten kinds of unmarriageable men mentioned above, there are exceptions who become good spouses.However, being alert and keeping your eyes open can never go wrong.

When a woman is gentle, she is more powerful

Whether in the workplace or in family life, many women are better than men.But women seldom rely on strength to win, and more than 99% rely on the wisdom of using softness to overcome rigidity.

When a woman "attacks" a man, tenderness is often the most effective weapon.Maybe it's just a look, just a silent smile; maybe it's just a gentle hand stretched out; maybe it's just a low call, a burst of whispering... For a man, tenderness is like wine, just drink a drop, and you can savor it for a lifetime.

Once, Queen Victoria of England was talking to her husband, Prince Albert.The condescension in the queen's tone displeased Prince Albert a little.He went into the bedroom alone and locked the door behind him.

After a while, the queen knocked hard on the door outside.

"Who?" Prince Albert asked.

"I," replied the Queen haughtily, "please open the door to the Queen of England."

But nothing happened in the house.

After a while, there was another knock on the door, this time much softer.

"Who?" Prince Albert asked again.

"It is I, Victoria, your wife," said the Queen softly.

The door opened immediately.

As a woman, don't show your strength in front of a man, or even reprimand him loudly.If you want to be more charming, more perfect, and more attractive, you should maintain or discover your unique gentle talent as a woman.Speak softly and softly, and he will obediently become your prisoner.Unfortunately, many women don't know that gentleness is a weapon that can overcome rigidity, and they don't know that gentleness is a unique power for women. They are afraid of losing their status in the hearts of men, and often fight against each other in order to maintain this status. Men boss around, yell loudly at every turn, abandon tenderness, and show the roughest side of women.It is conceivable that such a result will only be counterproductive.

No love will last forever, and it is difficult to keep a heart forever with a marriage contract alone.Some people say that marriage is originally a land full of fallen flowers after brilliant flowers, and it is an inevitable ending to be dull and tasteless.But luckily, love and marriage, like business, can be managed with care.And the tenderness of a woman is the most powerful weapon to maintain love and marriage, just like a slender hand deep in the heart, with just one swipe, no matter how strong a man is, he will be conquered instantly.

more considerate, more love
A top-notch female secretary knows how to make her boss like her.She will carefully study the boss's hobbies, she knows what the boss likes, and also knows what will make the boss angry.Of course, she knows better about the environment in which she can do her best job—even if she changes some of her hobbies to make her boss feel comfortable.

We might as well learn some husband skills from the secretary's work.We can do as much for our lovers as a secretary does for a boss.

Most of those happy families, the wife can make the husband happy very considerately.

Mrs. Eisenhower said: It is a woman's main job to remember many small things to create the happiness of others.

Perhaps these little things are not as small as one might think.The best manners always start with small sacrifices.This is the secret to a happy marriage.Willing to give up some of your hobbies, the big rewards you get are worth the small sacrifices.

(End of this chapter)