Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 27 Left-handed love and right-handed marriage, women's happiness must be managed (2)
Mrs. Olga Cabablanca's husband was once a Cuban diplomat and an internationally renowned chess champion. He was smart, dexterous and popular everywhere.Like many men of extraordinary ability, he was stubborn about his own ideas.But their marriage was very happy and successful - they enjoyed sweet love, romance and mutual respect.Olga Cabablanca had brought so much joy to her husband that he was sometimes glad to give up some of his obstinate opinions in order to win her favor.

How did she create this miracle?It's just a "small sacrifice".When Mr. Cabablanca was in a bad mood and didn't say a word, she left him to think alone without irritating him with nagging.She would have liked to dance, but her husband preferred to stay at home most of the time, so she willingly gave up many glamorous social gatherings.If her husband didn't like what she was wearing, she would immediately change into something he liked.Her husband is a reader who loves philosophy and history. She originally only liked lighter books, but she still carefully read his favorite books.

Catch up with your husband's thinking, appreciate and understand his conversation, and always keep in sync with your husband, which is the basis for establishing mutual trust.

A happy marriage comes from common ideals
The first thing every wife has to do is to help her husband sort out his hopes and ambitions, and then what she has to do is to cooperate carefully with him to realize these ideals.

Shamuel and Ethel Kling, co-authors of The Marriage Guide, believe that happy marriages come from shared ideals.It doesn't matter what the ideal is. It may be a new house, a trip to Europe, a big company, etc. The most important thing is to share this ideal.

The key to a happy marriage is to have something to look forward to in life, and then do everything in your power to make it happen.All the happiness, interest, and sense of participation will be obtained from the process of realizing the ideal.At the same time, the relationship between husband and wife can also be gradually deepened by sharing the success or failure in the process of struggle.

The happy marriage of William Graham and his wife of Kansas was founded on a common ideal.In Kansas, the William Graham Oil Company was a big, respected company.When William was 45 years old, he had already made a considerable profit from oil operations and investments.At the same time, William and his wife Marie also have enviable marriage results: six beautiful and healthy children, a spacious and comfortable home and a harmonious and happy marriage.All this makes them full of hope for the future life.

When William's friend asked him the factors of his success, William replied: "It's because of the joint planning and coordination between Marelli and me."

When Marelli first married William, William had nothing but the idea of ​​success and hard work.Marelli joined the program after learning about her husband's dream.Their first foray was in the real estate business, where they took a commission on the sale and purchase of homes.They set up their office in an abandoned passageway of an office building. Marelli was in charge of liaison in the office, and William went around to solicit business.

In the beginning, business was slow, and Marelli often had to be careful or they would starve.Later, as their business improved, they bought houses with their own money and bought and sold them.In the end, they started building their own houses and selling them.At this time, William had a new goal. He thought that he should join other industries, and maybe there would be greater opportunities for development.

After several detailed conversations and discussions, the couple felt that the oil business was more suitable for William, because he always looked forward to more challenges and excitement.So they started the William Graham Oil Company.

Currently, William is planning a new goal, and he and Marelli are considering the feasibility of foreign investment.Once a decision is made, they work together to make that decision a reality.

Whenever William makes plans and chooses goals for himself, he always takes Marelli's advice and attitude into account, because William said: "Without Marelli's support, I can't do anything." The joy of life was gained in yet another challenging program.In facing challenges together, they forged an inseparable relationship.

It is the happiest thing for a couple to have an ideal together, because it is more powerful for two people to make and implement a plan together than one person to act blindly.

Be a "Good Listener" to Your Husband

The most important thing for a wife is not to wash, cook, and have children, but to support each other spiritually with her husband.Forbes magazine once published a survey report on the wives of company employees. The report pointed out that: the most important thing a man's wife can do is to let her husband express his frustrations that he cannot vent in the office. Tell her.

Any woman who has ever worked in society can understand that if she can talk to her family about what happened that day, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, it can make her feel relaxed and comforted when she comes back from work.Often, in the workplace, we don't have the opportunity to have a say in what's going on.If our work is going really well, we can’t sing about it in the office; if we’re having trouble, our co-workers don’t want to hear about it—they may already have too much trouble themselves.So when we got home, we felt like we had to blow off some steam.

However, what happens most often is this:

Bill came home a little out of breath and said, "Man, Mel, what a great day! I was called to the board to tell them about that district report I did. They want me to speak out and…”

"Really?" Mel said, absent-mindedly, "that would be nice, darling, have some bacon. Did I tell you about the man who came to fix the stove this morning? He said some places Need a new one. Would you go and have a look after you finish eating?"

"Of course, my dear. Well, as I said, old Thorokmonton wanted me to present my proposal to the board. I was a little nervous at first, but I finally found that I had their attention, and even Billy Lin Si was very moved, he said..."

Mel: "I used to think they didn't know you well enough to value you. Bill, you have to talk to Mike about his report card. His grades were terrible this semester and his teacher said that if he would work hard If you don't, you can definitely read better. I have no way to persuade him. "

By this time, Bill finally realized that Mel was not very interested in his topic, so he had to swallow his pride with the beef sauce, and then went to complete the task about the stove and Mike's report card.

You wonder: Aren't Mel's problems important?Of course not, she and Bill share the same basic need to find an audience, it's just that she got the timing wrong.If Mel had listened intently to Bill's boardroom show, Bill would have been more than happy to listen to her talk about the family when he'd finished venting his emotions.

Women need to know when to listen and when to speak.A woman who is good at listening can not only give her husband the greatest comfort and peace of mind, but also have inestimable social assets.A quiet, unpretentious woman is far better than a chatty woman.

Duddie Mooney, famous for his wit, once described a good man as one who listens with interest when the things he knows best are told in gaudy words by a completely ignorant layman.This description is more applicable to women.

A good man is praised by a good woman
Every woman wants her husband to be who she wants to be.To do this, a woman needs considerable intelligence.To make a man great, you don't find fault with him, don't compare him to the guy next door, and don't try to put a lot of pressure on him, but encourage him gently and praise him.

There is no man who doesn't like a compliment from a woman, especially from his wife, who means so much to them.Every man jumps for joy when they hear things like, "You're amazing," "I'm so proud of you," and "I'm so glad you're mine."

Many successful men can attest to the truth of this statement.For example, Mr. Parkes, who owns the Parkes Trucking and Equipment Company, experienced this.

"I am sure," said Mr. Pax, "that a man can be not only what he wants to be, but what his wife wants to be. I have hired many employees over the years, but I have not been able to work with them before. When I have talked to my wife, I will not give them a position that requires trust or great responsibility. Because a wife's outlook on life and the degree of her trust in her husband can determine the success or failure of a man in his career. I So I say this because I have had this experience myself.

"My wife was very rich before she married me--rich parents, well-educated, happy home. I was a poor boy with very little education. Apart from a desire to make a fortune and her love for I have nothing but my love and my faith.

"In the first few years of our marriage, life was very difficult. Whenever I was discouraged by failures and setbacks, her understanding and constant motivation were the only motivation for me to continue to work hard.

"If I have had any success in my life, it has been due to my wife's constant encouragement. She never left me, even when I was most helpless. When I left the house every morning, she never left me. Will forget to say to me: 'Bob, I believe you will have a good day. Don't forget that I love you.' When I come home, she always listens patiently to my day at work. For So, I swore I would never let her down. So far, I've done well. I'll keep trying to live up to her wishes."

Unfortunately, there are many women who are not able to do what Mrs. Parks did to help her husband move forward with encouragement and love.Although they also want their husbands to be outstanding, they have been satirizing them and despising them, so their husbands will never be able to meet their needs.

Trust and support your husband with all your heart

In this world, the person you should trust your husband most is yourself.If his wife doesn't trust him, who else will trust him with all her heart?
Trust is an active trait that does not admit defeat but only helps restore lost confidence.

Sigai Lokmaninov, the great Russian musician, was already a successful composer at the age of 25.However, due to his excessive self-importance, he wrote a very unsuccessful symphony, which was criticized by everyone.For this reason, he was very discouraged and spent a period of frustration and disappointment.Finally his friend took him to see Dr. Nicholas Dahl, a psychiatrist.Dr. Dahl told Lokmaninoff time and time again: "There is something great lurking in you, waiting to be announced to the world."

This idea gradually took root in Lokmaninov's mind, and finally he regained his self-confidence.Before Christmas the following year, he had completed the great Concerto No. [-] in C minor and dedicated it to Dr. Dahl.When the piece was performed, the audience was mesmerized, and Lokmaninov once again tasted the joy of success.

Trust and support are to a man what fuel is to an engine.It recharges a man's mind and spirit, turning failure into success.

Bad luck can sometimes dampen men's spirits, and severe blows can knock them straight.But if someone told them at this point, "Don't lose heart, things like this won't break you. I'm with you!" things would be different.

This is a kind of trust that a wife has in her husband.With a special ability, they see potentials unique to their husbands.They don't see with their eyes, but with their hearts.

Your trust in your husband cannot be buried in your heart, it must be expressed in words, otherwise it will be meaningless.You should express it with words and actions of encouragement, praise and love, so that your husband can really feel your love and trust for him.

into the life of the husband
Smart women know that to fully grasp a man is not by conquest, but by integration.When a woman is fully integrated into a man's life, they are already inseparable.

So, don't be envious of those celebrity wives who have put in a huge effort for it.They take on more than just wearing designer clothes and smiling alluringly for the camera, but much more than fitting into their husbands' lives.

Lowe Thomas's wife can tell you how much work it takes to be a celebrity's wife.Lowe Thomas is well-known internationally, and his deeds can be said to be as miraculous as the stories in the Arabian Nights.Lowe Thomas spent as much time in the Himalayas as he did in newsreels, in the studio.

Frances—Rowell Thomas' wife—was a remarkable woman, and she was the only one who could bear Rowe Thomas's work and way of life.Because Frances can change herself according to her husband's needs anytime and anywhere like a color-changing lizard.

When Thomas flew around the world to give speeches, she would act as his assistant manager during the trip, helping him deal with mail and invitations from all over the world.

(End of this chapter)