12 Mindfulness Lessons Listened to at Tsinghua University

Chapter 19 Yes and No (1)
1.don't reason with life
For many years, I have had a "good" wish: I am good to everyone, and I want everyone to be good to me.We only hope to have a reputation, not to be ruined.It dawned on me recently that that is simply not possible.

——Ji Xianlin (Master of Chinese Studies, academic leader, graduated from the Department of Western Literature of Tsinghua University)
It seems inappropriate to compare life to an aggressor, but in fact, it is more difficult to deal with than an aggressor.The aggressors have strong ships, sharp guns, and wolfish ambitions, and even today they are still determined to kill me, but as long as we don't surrender and don't retreat, there will be a day when we will wipe them out.But life must always be with us, and it is so powerful that people cannot face it head-on.

Don't talk about justice with the invaders, if you are not strong enough, no one can uphold justice for you.Don't reason with life, because life is not reasonable.Life requires enough wisdom and necessary compromise.

In the Ming Dynasty, there was an old wealthy businessman named You in Suzhou, known as You Weng.You Weng opened a large pawn shop in the city. One winter, when the year was approaching, a poor neighbor found the pawn shop empty-handed and wanted to redeem the clothes that had been pawned here earlier.Naturally, the guy at the counter would not agree, and the poor neighbors cursed at him.You Weng was settling accounts in the back room, when he heard the noise, he came out, and very kindly said to the poor neighbor: "You are just worrying about the end of the year, why bother with a young man?" Then he ordered someone to find four or five pieces of his clothes , pointing to one of the cotton-padded clothes and said: "You can use this to keep out the cold, you can't miss it." He pointed to another robe and said, "This is for you to pay New Year's greetings. If you don't use the others, I think it's better to put them here temporarily." Go." The neighbor looked at You Weng with an incredulous look, took his things and turned away.No one thought that this poor neighbor died in someone else's house that night!That family was also a rich businessman who opened several shops in the city. The family of the poor neighbor had been in a long-term lawsuit against the rich businessman, and the family was hit hard.

It turns out that the poor neighbors came prepared.Because of his gambling nature, he owed a lot of money outside and had nowhere to go, so he wanted to commit suicide, but his wife and children couldn't settle down, so he took poison in advance and wanted to blackmail You Weng, but You Weng didn't care about him, he I had no choice but to shift the target and harm another family.Afterwards, the man at the pawn shop asked You Weng, how do you always predict in advance?You Weng said: "I didn't expect him to end up at the end. But I know one thing, anyone who provokes unreasonably must have something to rely on. If you can't bear it in small things, then you will probably invite disaster."

Some people in real life are indeed just like what You Weng said. They obviously want to make trouble for no reason. Wait; some people are like the poor neighbors in the story, relying on themselves to persevere in poverty, and relying on themselves to live is not much better than dying. In their words: I am afraid that I am barefoot. Are you good at wearing shoes? !As the saying goes: Soft people are afraid of hard ones, hard ones are afraid of cruel ones, tough ones are afraid of lifeless people, and desperate people are afraid of people who are both desperate and shameless.These types of people are not good people. If you don’t want to be like them and humiliate the nobility of our human beings, and most importantly, you don’t want to ruin your happy life because of a moment of anger, then don’t reason with them, because if they are reasonable If so, it will not be unreasonable at all.You just need to calmly think about what they are fighting with you for, and make some necessary concessions if necessary.Facts have proved that these people often don't have much to "fight for", because their quality and structure have long determined that they can only go around in circles on trivial matters.There are still many important things in life waiting for us to do, even if it is just a waste of time for them, it is not worth it.

For some people, it is not difficult to achieve stability, concealment, and forbearance in society. What is difficult is to let them do the same at home and persist for a long time.A friend of mine said to me once when he was having an argument with his wife: "Is it easy for you to talk about me? I go out early and return late, work hard, look at people's faces, and suffer a lot of grievances... Men, we can bear all these. But I can't bear to come home exhausted and have to wait on women, and make trouble for no reason at the slightest bit of displeasure, buddy is not the kind of person who kneels on the washboard!"

This feeling is understandable.It's not easy for a man, and it's even harder for a man who needs to support a family but has no luck.Of course, it’s not easy for women, because it’s not easy for everyone, men and women have to form a family, find someone to depend on, support each other, share with each other when they are happy, and have personal comfort when they are hurt.So we must learn to think about it from the standpoint of the other party: why does she (he) make trouble for no reason?Could it be that she was being unreasonable from the beginning?The answer is undoubtedly no.Often the reason is that we unintentionally ignore the other person's feelings.

The so-called lover is someone who needs love.Being able to earn back money is by no means the same as a model husband. Of course, if you always fail to make money back, you are essentially insulated from a model husband.It should be noted that many women have complained like this: Humph, now that you have it, your true nature has been revealed, which is completely opposite to when you fell in love!Regardless of whether this woman was making trouble for no reason at the time, this statement is absolutely true.Therefore, I hope that everyone will try their best to treat their lovers as long as they do when they are in love.In that case, it will not only help to improve family harmony, but also effectively reduce the divorce rate, and relieve the burden of comrades in the overwhelmed Civil Affairs Bureau.

Of course, there are indeed many vexatious people in the standard sense in life.But please don't reason with them!Home is not a place of reason, but a place of love.The ancients said: "After ten years of cultivation, we can cross the same boat, and after a hundred years of cultivation, we can sleep together." Modern youths say: "What I love is what you have!" Since you love it, don't talk about other things.If there is no love, there is no point in talking about anything.

But we can't talk about nothing but love.Lu Xun wrote in "Remembrance of Mr. Liu Hezhen": Silence, silence!If you don't break out in silence, you will perish in silence.The same applies to marriage.No one is born to be someone's love slave.Love is a matter of two people.The so-called love is the meaning of caring for each other.A marriage that fails to care for each other is doomed to not go far.Those who only know how to enjoy love but don't know how to give love are also not qualified to talk about love to a certain extent.

2.Don't be afraid of unfairness, be afraid of imbalance
Deng Xiaoping once said: "Let some people get rich first."Have you noticed that when this sentence was said at that time, the people of the whole country supported it unanimously.At that time, in a socialist environment, it was possible to shout: "Let some people get rich first."However, what are the conditions for some people to get rich first?I want to redefine this condition clearly at Tsinghua University. I don't want any debates or doubts in our academic circles or business circles on this basic issue.Its condition is that some people can get rich first, but others cannot become poorer. This is the principle.

——Lang Xianping (well-known economist, once gave a speech at Tsinghua University)

Do you believe that the world is fair?

You probably don't believe it.Not only you don't believe it, most people don't believe it.

This is normal.Because this world was not designed to be fair.

When we were in elementary school, we have learned: insects eat grass, frogs eat insects, snakes eat frogs, eagles eat snakes... Except for the eagle at the top of the biological chain, fate is not fair to grass, insects, frogs, and snakes .If your status in human society is just like a grass or a worm... then you will naturally feel and encounter your share of injustice.

Explanation, comfort, whitewashing, and dissatisfaction are useless. The only usefulness is struggle and changing the status quo.Only by standing high enough can you find your own fairness.If you are a grass, you should at least put your roots deeper; if you are a worm, you don't have to feel sad for "the early bird gets the worm, and the early worm gets eaten by the bird", work hard Never a sin.

But you can never expect absolute fairness.If you gain something, you must lose something. This is the iron law of nature.So Chinese philosophers never talk about fairness, but about balance.

There is nothing wrong with pursuing fairness, but we cannot be obsessed with fairness, otherwise we will definitely be hurt by fairness. There is a fable of "two ghosts fighting for things" in "Hundred Metaphors", which tells the truth:
There are two devil friends who share a bamboo box, a walking stick and a shoe.For many years, they got along very happily.Suddenly one day, they quarreled over the ownership of these things.

Only the younger devil shouted: "I saw these things first, so they should belong to me!"

"Do you understand the rules? According to the rules of our devil world, the younger generation finds things that should be dedicated to the seniors, so these things should belong to me!" The older devil relied on the old to sell the old.

The young devil was very angry when he heard this, and stopped reasoning with the old devil, and just raised his hand to fight. The old devil dodged and waited for the right time to fight back.

At this moment, a passer-by happened to pass by, and seeing them beating and arguing for a bamboo box, a walking stick and a shoe, he couldn't help being very curious.A passer-by said: "You two are ridiculous! What can this broken bamboo box hold? This broken cane can't support the body. As for this single shoe, what's the use of it? Are you fighting over a pile of junk?"

"What do you know? These three things seem useless, but they are actually magical treasures! As long as you shout at this bamboo box, whether it is beautiful clothes, delicious food, or valuable jewelry, it will They can immediately transform whole boxes for you to meet your needs." The young devil explained.

"This cane is an invincible weapon. With it, the Buddha will be afraid of you. As for this broken shoe, it is even more powerful. As long as you wear it, you can do everything in the world, and no one can catch it. To you," added the old devil.

I see!The passer-by was shocked when he heard this, but he pretended to be nonchalant and said: "So that's the case. I don't think it's an option for you two to argue all day long. Why don't you let me make a fair judgment for you and decide on the three treasures?" Who should belong to, at least they can be divided equally between the two."

"Great! I heard that you humans are much more intelligent and kind-hearted than us, so please judge us fairly!" the two devils begged with confidence.

"Alright then! Since you guys trust me so much, I will do what I can. Now, please take a few steps back, so that I can distribute the treasure equally and fairly to both of you." The passer-by said with an imperceptible look on his face. sinister smile.

After hearing this, the two devils subconsciously took a few steps back.Passers-by saw it, rushed forward, picked up the box with his left hand, picked up the cane with his right hand, put on a shoe with one foot, and flew away in an instant!The two devils finally understood what was going on, and they cursed angrily: "You liar! How can you break your promise? Didn't you say that you want to distribute the treasures to us fairly?"

"Hahaha, you two are fighting over these things every day, and you won't give in the slightest bit. Who can give you an equal share! In order to make you feel fair, I have to wrong myself to keep these treasures for you! None of you can get it now, Isn't this fair? Hahaha, thank you both!"

The same is true of things in the world.When you haggle over some inequalities, bigger and more inequalities may be coming your way.There is no absolute equality or inequality in the world.Don't be afraid of the unfairness of the world, but be afraid of psychological imbalance.Figured it out for myself, seeing everything is fair.We need to be more broad-minded in life, and we must set our minds straight, and look away from the small things in life. Without a chic and open-minded attitude towards life, you will never find true equality.

What's more, is fairness really that important to everyone?Do we really need those so-called fairness?Most of the time, it doesn't really matter if it's fair or not.The so-called fairness that makes people grieve and resent is just a cheap excuse for people to fight.

If you still can't comprehend and still think that life is unfair to you, please read the text below:
If you wake up in the morning in good health and free from disease, then you are at least luckier than millions of other people in the world who won't even see the sun tomorrow;

If you have food at home, clothes on your body, and a house to live in at night, then you are already richer than 75% of the people in the world;
If you have never experienced starvation, war, prison and torture, then you are at least a lot better off than the other 5 million people on the planet;

If you have both parents, a complete family, savings in the bank, and change in your pocket, then your life has been beyond the reach of at least half of the people on the planet;

If you've read the above, you're already one of the rarest lucky people on Earth.Because on the one hand, it proves that you are not one of the other 20 billion illiterates, on the other hand, you will quickly realize the true meaning of fairness, and become happier and more positive from then on.

3.right or wrong, wrong or wrong
Many people asked me: "You really wrote the book by hand? You really can't type on the computer or send emails?" "Then how do you know Brother Sharp?" I sympathized with this friend at the time. What kind of thinking is this? the way?Quite a lot of Chinese people's way of thinking: black and white, right or wrong, good or bad, when it comes to thinking, many subconscious habits are wrong, such as when taking exams, when going to university, even working There are also many people who take notes from time to time. I advise them: you will remember what should be memorized, and you will not be able to memorize what should not be memorized. 100 of the 99 memos have not been turned over.Do I have to know it if I have a computer?Of course I can, for me, I am used to the synchronization speed between handwriting and thinking. I don't use the computer because I can't wait for my brain because it is faster.When friends get along with lovers, they all get closer because of their advantages, but they get closer because of accepting each other's shortcomings-there is no absolute right or wrong, and life is like this.

——Bai Yansong (host of CCTV, once gave a speech at Tsinghua University)
One day after work, when passing by a certain street, I found two old men "sieging" a policeman, loudly demanding that the policeman "answer questions".I thought it was interesting, so I listened for a while.It turned out that the cause of the incident was a small friction between the two old men while they were walking their dogs. The more reasonable old man A insisted that the old man B make an apology and take his dog, which had been bitten off a few hairs, to the pet hospital. Healing, but old man B claimed that the other dog provoked his own dog first, not to mention not biting the flesh, even if he bit it, he deserved it.Old man A called the police in a rage.The police arrived in time, and after some investigation, they wiped the mud and said: I don't think it's a big deal, let's forget it!Let me say something rough and reasonable: How about the relationship between the two families in the future, the dogs of the two families have to play together, right?The two old men did not give up, and finally formed a "united front" - if you don't tell who is right and who is wrong today, it is your policeman's fault!Answer the question: who is right and who is wrong!

There are quite a few similar people in society. In their words: I am right all over the world, and I have the right to defend my rights!You were wrong about this matter today, and I was right, so you have to admit to me, or I will never end with you!When you meet someone with quality, don't bother with him, just say "I was wrong, I'm sorry", and the matter will probably settle down.If you meet someone who also believes in death, the two of you will be at each other's throats, and a few liters of saliva will be wasted.But when it finally subsides, it doesn't necessarily mean who is right and who is wrong, but that they are too tired to argue.

Of course, we cannot deny the existence of "truth", but the truth may not always be as the sages said, the more debated the more clear.There are no absolutes in the world.What we often talk about in the positive sense is right, wrong, good, bad, good, evil, etc., which are often understood from common sense. In fact, right and wrong, good, bad, good, evil, etc. are not absolute. Rather, it varies with changing conditions.As for the reasons that many people shouted loudly, most of them are based on their own standpoints, they are forced out, and they are out of anger. Once the anger subsides, they will probably feel embarrassed themselves.

There was such a story:
In ancient times, there was an old abbot in a certain temple. One day at noon, the abbot and a young disciple were meditating in the meditation room. Suddenly, two monks, one fat and one thin, were arguing outside the door about a proposition in Zen Buddhism. They each said their own things. Reason, no one would give in.After a while, the fat monk among them said angrily, "I'll go to Master for my reasoning!" After speaking, he ran into the meditation room angrily, checked his reasoning with the old monk, and then asked, "Master, what do you think?" See if I'm right, or he is right?" The old monk said without hesitation, "You're right!" The fat monk went out happily.

Immediately afterwards, the skinny monk also ran into the meditation room, and he asked the abbot angrily: "Master, you probably heard him arguing with me just now—he is simply a nonsense! My argument is based on what is said in the Buddhist scriptures." Are you right, what I said, or what he said?" The old monk said without hesitation, "You are right!" The skinny monk also went out happily.

The little apprentice standing behind the old abbot became more puzzled the more he listened. He asked, "Master, earlier when the fat senior brother came in, you said he was right; then the thin senior brother came in, and you also said he was right. I thought, since their Opinions are opposite, fat senior brother is right, thin senior brother is wrong; thin senior brother is right, fat senior brother is wrong; how can you say that both of them are right?" The old monk turned his head, looked at the young monk, and said meaningfully : "You're right!"

Now, the little apprentice didn't understand even more.

We can't help but encounter similar confusion: Why did I stick to the truth and end up getting hurt all over my body?Why can't I get good results when I'm doing the right thing?
(End of this chapter)