12 Mindfulness Lessons Listened to at Tsinghua University

Chapter 18
The gentleman nodded and said: "Before that, I have given way to many people. If I go back again, I really don't know when I will be able to cross the single-plank bridge."

"Then are you going to pass now?" the pastor asked back. "Since you have given way to so many people, you might as well give way to the farmer again. Even if you can't cross the bridge, at least you can maintain your gentlemanly demeanor!"

This story seems to be fabricated by the Chinese: Except for Chinese farmers, no farmer in any country in the world can push a wheelbarrow!However, this does not affect its connotation.The fact is this: when two people walk on the single-plank bridge of life, no matter who is right and who is wrong, if they don't know how to give way, if they refuse to give way, it will not only waste their time, but also show lack of quality.We are looking at a Chinese story.

There is a father and son in a certain place. They are upright and never bow their heads or let others in their lives.One day, a visitor came to the house, and the father sent his son to the market to buy meat to entertain the guests.The son took the money and went to the city quickly, bought a few catties of high-quality pork at the meat counter, and turned around and went home with a rope.At the gate of the city, they ran into a fellow-traveler head-on, not only did they not retreat an inch, they even refused to turn sideways.The two stood there facing each other for a long, long time.In a blink of an eye, the day was already in the middle of the day, and the family was still waiting for the meat to be cooked for guests to drink. The father couldn't help feeling anxious, so he went out to look for his son who hadn't returned from buying the meat.When I went to the gate of the city, I saw my son still standing there stiffly, which didn't mean anything to anyone.The father was overjoyed, and thought to himself that this is really my good son, with such an upright personality!Then he was furious again, who is this, dare to be so presumptuous.Thinking of this, he stepped forward and said loudly: "My dear son, you send the meat back first, and eat with the guests, and let the father stand here and compare with him, to see who can hold on to the other!" , the father and son shifted places, the son went home to cook meat and wine to entertain guests, while the father stood opposite the man, standing still like a glaring King Kong, causing the onlookers to laugh wildly.

Obviously, the father and son in the story, including the man who confronts the father and son, are not straight characters at all.In the words of the common people, this kind of person lacks insight.If you want to give them a Japanese name, it would be "Kuxinyanzi".Unfortunately, there are not many such people in life, and many people who think they are smart do exactly this.

Renunciation is a virtue, but also a kind of wisdom.

In life, whenever there is a traffic jam, people often say that the place is too narrow, if it is wider, the traffic jam will not be blocked.In fact, many times the essential problem is not how wide the road is, but how wide the heart is.If everyone drives according to the traffic regulations and passes through step by step, even the narrowest roads will probably not be blocked.

Many traffic jams are artificially "added traffic jams". The same is true of roads and life.Some of the obstacles are added to us by others, and some of them are blocked by ourselves.However, the result is equally uncomfortable.Therefore, on the one hand, we must restrain ourselves, not to add obstacles to the society, and on the other hand, we must not let ourselves add to the obstacles.When you get stuck, don't just think about who is right and who is wrong, but first think about what I am here for today.No matter what you are here for, I believe you are definitely not here for traffic jams.If you want to leave as soon as possible, then hold back for a while and let others go first.

As the saying goes: endure for a while, so as not to worry about a hundred days.Forbearance, forbearance, looks useless, but it is not.Those who can truly endure are often those with deep self-cultivation and superb abilities.Therefore, "Shuowen Jiezi" said bluntly: "Forbearance, ability."Only unwise people will have the same insight as those desperadoes who clamor "either you die today or I die".The inflection point of life often lies in whether you can take a breath in a timely manner.

Because of refusal to give in, too many unsatisfactory and too many tragedies have been caused in the world.Afterwards, people tend to reflect like this: If one party was willing to give in at the beginning, calm down, how could such a thing happen!Unfortunately, there are no ifs in life, only impulsive punishment.

To let others is to let oneself, especially for business people.Some people are good at being unreasonable, some people are good at blocking people's money, and some people are good at eating alone. These are the things that are most likely to offend people.I often hear some people say: I don't even know how to offend him!In fact, he might not be ignorant, but pretending to be confused.Don't you know how much you should take?If you take more, others will naturally take less, which will naturally make you uncomfortable.Even if the other party was forced by the situation and did not attack at that time, it is still certain that he has a grudge against you.When there are many people who hate you, your road will become narrower and narrower until you cannot move even an inch.

6.Tolerance is a noble punishment
As a villain, let them go.Principled tolerance and compassion will ennoble you.

——Li Kaifu (former global vice president of Google and Microsoft, once gave a speech at Tsinghua University)
What is tolerance?One foot stepped on the petals of the violet, but the violet left its fragrance on the ankle.This is tolerance. ——American writer Mark Twain said so.

Using this as a standard, how many people can truly be tolerant?
Tolerance comes from contradictions, and contradictions start from conflicts of interests.Interests vary in size, as well as fundamental interests, core interests, and so on.In daily life, some people who are not Bodhi and consider themselves tolerant, some even describe themselves as "the heart is like the sea, and the chest is like the blue sky", but once their interests are touched, they will immediately tear their skin and reveal their true nature.

It is the instinct of all living beings to protect themselves and give necessary lessons to the attackers.Humans are no exception.But life is not an anti-Japanese war. When we have conflicts of interest with others, especially our lovely family members, relatives, friends, colleagues, partners, and compatriots, we must not be like dealing with devils. .

The ancients said it well, "Only tolerance can tolerate others, and only thickness can carry things." Tolerance is not only a kind of deep self-cultivation, but also a state of being kind to life, others, and yourself.Many people have this experience. When they hear other people's compliments, they feel a little flattered;In fact, you should think about it, why am I satisfied when others say I am good, and dissatisfied when others say I am not good?A word from others can influence me and control me. Am I too lacking in self-control?How could such a person be so good!Around us, are there not many tragedies that cause both losers because of momentary anger and impulsiveness?Many times, it is because we can't tolerate some small things, which makes the situation worse and worse, and even messes up the "big plan".Looking back, it was really not worth the candle.On the contrary, if there is more understanding and respect, and to be forgiving and forgiving, what kind of differences cannot be resolved?Don't forget, a slap cannot be slapped loudly.If you don't argue with others about right and wrong, how can you easily get involved in right and wrong?

Fu Bi, a native of the Northern Song Dynasty, became a leader in the literary world at a young age. He was known as the "Luoyang Talent" and was very enviable.One day, when Fu Bi was walking on the street, someone came over and whispered, "So-and-so is scolding you behind your back!" Fu Bi said, "Probably scolding someone else." The man said, "They are calling you by name! Fu Bi thought for a while and said, "I'm afraid I'm scolding someone else. I guess someone has the same name and surname as me." With such a demeanor, even the person who scolded him was "ashamed to hear it", and quickly apologized to Fu Bi.One person "does not admit to scolding", but has achieved the reputation of two people.But in our real life, it is often the opposite: if you scold me, I will scold you, and if you scold me again, I will beat you, which eventually becomes a bloody negative teaching material.

Di Renjie, a famous prime minister in the Tang Dynasty, was anxious for justice and righteous, and he was upright.Once, the imperial court ordered to send his colleague Zheng Chongzhi to a wild place as an envoy.Zheng Chongzhi's mother was old and sick, and he felt very uncomfortable for letting him leave her on a long-distance mission, but the imperial court ordered him to obey.Before leaving, Zheng Chongzhi could not help telling his colleagues about his worries.Di Renjie sympathized with him very much, and immediately asked Lin Renji, the chief minister in charge of the matter, to see: "Zheng Chongzhi's mother is old and sick. How can we have the heart to let him go on a long-distance mission? Let me go instead of him!"

If we are all like Di Renjie, fighting for more virtues and less interests, how can there be so many contradictions in the world?Why do we need to be tolerant?
Di Renjie's story is not over yet.In the second year of Tianshou, Wu Zetian appointed Di Renjie as prime minister.One day not long after, Wu Zetian told him: "When Aiqing was the governor, the government was clear and the people lived and worked in peace and contentment. He was a rare local official. But at that time, there were people in the court who impeached you and spoke ill of you. I will tell them their names now. You, you'd better be careful in the future." But Di Renjie said: "No, please don't mention their names. If your majesty thinks I'm at fault, I should correct it. If your majesty thinks I'm not at fault, it's your majesty's wisdom. As for I don't want to know what other people say. A person is most afraid of private grudges. Once he has personal grudges, good people will be regarded as bad people. If I know who impeached me, I will inevitably feel resentful. If I can't treat people fairly If you don't know, we are still good friends and can work together in the court. I hope that your majesty will never let your ministers know." After hearing this, Wu Zetian felt that he was open-minded and open-minded. More trust.

Di Renjie has no personal grudges towards people or things, and puts the overall situation first in everything. This character has always been praised by people.The reason is that this is not only the way of being a minister, but also the way of being a man.What's even more commendable is that he didn't want to know who was framing him behind his back from the very beginning.Putting it on ordinary people, even if it's just for self-protection, I'm afraid they will try their best to find out the truth so that they can strengthen their guard in the future.There are many tolerant people in history, but Di Renjie's mind and tolerance are really rare.

Some people say that where there are human beings, there will be contradictions and struggles.There is some truth in this statement, the so-called "people are in the rivers and lakes, can not help themselves", maybe you love peace, maybe you have nothing to do with the world, but you can control yourself, but you can't control others; you are good to others, but others may not be good to others. You are friendly.Once a conflict breaks out, no matter who the reason is, we can't help feeling resentful.At this time, everyone must work hard to forgive.Because only by constantly burying old grievances can we continue to welcome new life.On the contrary, brooding and obsessing over it will not only affect sleep and work, but may also cause irreparable consequences.

The pleasure and yearning of Jianghu lies in the fact that it is a place where "to relieve the hatred in the heart and draw the sword to kill the enemy", but this is also where the blood and cruelty of the Jianghu lies.You can turn your life into a battlefield, or you can turn it into a salon.No matter how good the relationship is, friends will inevitably quarrel, and couples who share the same bed will also have stumbling blocks. If you are willing to regard the conflicts with the people around you as conflicts between the family, give the necessary understanding, and when you need When you let someone go, and give someone a step, you will often make a new friend who you don't know.Otherwise, not only will the problem not be solved, the differences will not be eliminated, but also a mortal enemy who always wants to take revenge on himself will be established for himself.

Hugo said that the most noble way of revenge is tolerance.Then let us be tolerant!Tolerating them is not only forgiving ourselves, but also making them suffer from conscience.

(End of this chapter)