12 Mindfulness Lessons Listened to at Tsinghua University

Chapter 26: People and Me (2)
Recognition is a state.As long as you don't break the law, the law has no right to ask a person how to live.You may not like other people's lives, and you may not be used to their behavior, but you must not make irresponsible remarks or criticize others, let alone impose your own way of life on others.Likewise, no matter how well you do, there will always be people in the world who either explicitly or implicitly disagree with you.In this regard, there seems to be no wiser way except to laugh.

Identification is also a practical life wisdom.Netizens said that sometimes even if a person just wants to live his own life in a mediocre way, he must go to the hall and be a hooligan;As for success, success, success, it is inseparable from the recognition of others, society and even the unspoken rules of society.To put it simply, if the other party is a mushroom, then you should silently accompany him to be a mushroom first. Only by making him feel that you are like-minded, will the two parties have the possibility of further communication, and have unlimited possibilities in the future.On this point, as Professor Hongshen Zhai, a well-known master of the application of Chinese studies, said: "Only with the same flow can we communicate - only through communication can we communicate with each other - only through communication can we trade."

Since childhood, parents and teachers have warned us: to be a good person, not to get too close to "bad people", and to keep a distance from them at all times.But in fact, most people in real life are complex and multiple, and cannot be simply distinguished by "good guys" and "bad guys", and the so-called "good guys" and "bad guys" in people's mouths are often the same person The angle of standing and the point of view of looking at the problem are even caused by the specific environment of the times.Taking someone for granted as a "good guy" or "bad guy" will only make us prejudice, which will lead to a series of negative effects, even irreparable effects.

The famous performing artist Pu Cunxin told a short story of his youth when he gave a speech at Tsinghua University: "When I jumped into the queue in Beidahuang, I was a young man who was very motivated and very principled. At that time, I could memorize almost all of Chairman Mao's quotations. When I came down, I carried out criticism and self-criticism at that time. I insisted on principles and was always the first to report some things about my classmates to the organization. As a result, I offended them and no one paid attention to me. I didn’t understand it at the time. I felt that I didn’t I made a mistake, I did it according to Chairman Mao’s quotations. But everyone ignored me. Once a Beijing educated youth took a photo, and they didn’t want to take pictures with me. I was very distressed why my popularity was so poor. Later, my father wrote The letter said: When the water is clear, there will be no fish, and when people observe it, there will be no disciples. He said that I am too arrogant, think that I am right in everything, and cannot tolerate other people's opinions. How can I have friends? As soon as I pointed it out, I gradually understood that we must be tolerant of others, we must be considerate of their difficulties, and we must know how to be considerate of others.

There is a Chinese idiom called "the same flow joins in the pollution", and there is another idiom called "the same way does not conspire with each other".Sometimes, I want to do certain things but I can't get around some real villains. At this time, it is meaningless to blindly pretend to be lofty.Don't worry about being polluted, if you are a lotus, "silt" will only provide you with nutrients for growth, and at the same time further bring out your nobility.

4.Self can be achieved without self

If everyone is particularly selfish, a vicious circle will form.Just like in a movie theater, people in the front row stand up, and people in the back row have to stand, otherwise they will not be able to see the performance. In this way, it is not difficult for everyone to imagine what will happen in the end.

——Sodargye Rinpoche (contemporary famous monk, philanthropist, once delivered a speech at Tsinghua University)
What is the most frequently used word in human language?
The answer is "I".

Whether they are Chinese or foreigners, affected by self-esteem, people are always used to using "I", such as my house, my car, my dog, my country, my God, and so on.

Emphasizing "I", highlighting "I", and centering on "I", this is due to human nature.But this is also the difference between ordinary people and wise men and saints.

To give a very simple example: There is a "person" and "entry" effect in psychology. Simply put, when you ask a person to use the index fingers of both hands to make a "person" character, most of them will stand in their own perspective To be a "person", but in the eyes of the other party, what he did was a "enter".So, the more ego we are, the farther we are from the correct answer.

Lao Tzu also said: "The sage always has no heart, and takes the hearts of the people as his heart." The reason why the sages can stand at a height that the world cannot reach and make achievements that ordinary people cannot do is that they can let go of all the rules and regulations in their hearts and walk into the world. A world without "me".

The story of Confucius’ disciple, Duanmu Zigong’s “One Word and Five Kingdoms Change” is very illustrative:
It is said that at the end of the Spring and Autumn Period, the Qi royal family was in decline, and the power fell into the hands of the five major families of Tian, ​​Gao, Gu, Bao, and Yan. Among them, Tian Heng of the Tian family was the most ambitious. He wanted to usurp power, but he was worried that other families would be too powerful. So Tian Heng wanted to further establish his prestige through foreign wars.

Just do what you say, and soon, the army of Qi State killed the neighboring Lu State.

At that time, Confucius was leading his disciples to study in Weiguo.He was shocked when he heard the news: "The State of Lu is my motherland, so I have to save it." After weighing it over and over again, he sent his proud disciple Zi Gong to deal with the matter.

Zigong soon came to Qi State and met Chen Heng through contacts, but before Zigong could speak, Chen Heng said: "Sir, you are here to be a lobbyist for Lu State?" Zigong said: "I This time, I’m here for the prime minister——I heard that ‘when the worries are outside, attack the weak countries, and when the worries are inside, attack the strong countries’. I know your thoughts very well, but according to your current practice, the result can only be done for others Marry Clothes: Defeating the weak state of Lu, the credit belongs to the monarch and the generals. Without your share, the opponent’s power and prestige will grow, and you will be in danger. If you win, your opponent will be trapped outside, and then you will not be hindered by anyone when you do things in the country, don't you think?" Tian Heng was overjoyed when he heard this, but the army of Qi State had already reached the border of Lu State, so he also It is not good to suddenly change the plan to attack the state of Wu, Zigong said: "Why don't I go lobby the king of Wu and let him send troops to attack you, don't you have an excuse?" Attack the State of Lu and wait for the Wu army.

Then, Zigong arrived in the state of Wu and said to Fuchai, the king of Wu: "The state of Wu and the state of Lu once fought against the state of Qi together. Now that the state of Qi is attacking the state of Lu, it will definitely attack the state of Wu next. What about Lu?" The King of Wu said, "I also want to attack Qi and save Lu, but I heard that Yue is planning to attack Wu. I want to defeat Yue first, and then attack Qi." Zi Gong said, "You don't have to worry about Yue. country, I would like to go to the country of Yue, so that the king of Yue will not dare to attack the country of Wu."

So Zi Gong came to Yue State as a special envoy of Wu State, and he said to Yue King Goujian: "Wu King Fucha heard that you want to attack Wu State, and now you are preparing to attack Yue State. Your current situation is too dangerous." Hearing this, he was taken aback, and quickly said, "Sir, you must find a way to save me!" Zi Gong said, "The king of Wu is very proud. If you tell him that you will personally lead troops to help Wu attack Qi, he will believe it. The battle is defeated." Now, the strength of the state of Wu will be greatly reduced, and the state of Yue can really attack the state of Wu; if it wins, the king of Wu will definitely attack the state of Jin and dominate the princes, and then the state of Yue will have an opportunity to take advantage of it." The king of Yue was overjoyed when he heard this. , do it all.

Back in Wu, Zigong said to the king of Wu: "The king of Yue has no intention of attacking Wu at all. He will send someone to plead guilty in a few days." Sure enough, five days later, Wen Zhong, the minister of Yue, brought troops to Wu and said Together with the king of Wu, he went to attack the state of Qi.The king of Wu no longer doubted, so he raised his army to attack Qi.

At the last stop, Zi Gong went to Jin State and said to Jin Dinggong: "Wu State is attacking Qi State. If Wu State wins, it will definitely attack Jin State and dominate the princes. Your Majesty, you must get ready early!" Jin Dinggong said: "Thank you for your teaching, sir." As a result, Qi State was defeated by Wu State before Zigong returned to Wei State.The victorious Fu Chai really took advantage of the victory to kill the Jin State, but unexpectedly fell into an ambush by the Jin State, causing countless casualties. He ended his own life of recklessness, and also ended this world war that was created out of nothing.

The reason why it is said that this war was created out of nothing is that this war could have been avoided, at least it had nothing to do with Wu, Yue, and Jin.Obviously, this is due to Zigong's eloquence.But is it just as simple as being eloquent?Common people often say that it is better to be able to listen than to be able to speak. We have all had this experience: we have said all the good and bad things, but the other party just doesn't listen.Why did Zi Gong obediently obey when he told others?The reason is that when he lobbied the other party, he always considered the issue from the other party's standpoint: in order to keep the Lu State, he first went to the Wu State to join the war from the perspective of Tian Heng, and then went to the Yue State to see the direction of the wind from the Wu State's perspective. , and then from the perspective of the Yue Kingdom, they helped them plot against the King of Wu, causing Wu, Qi, and Yue to have their own ghosts. In the end, they did not forget to go to the Jin Kingdom to get good insurance, and led everyone into their own predetermined track.Just imagine, if Zigong only wanted to achieve his own goals, but not for the sake of the other party, would those intriguing political figures listen to him?
We should also learn to empathize like Zigong, and fully consider and meet the needs of others when dealing with others.Many people often complain about others, saying that dealing with others is difficult, but in fact dealing with others is not difficult. If you think it is difficult, it must be that you do not consider the interests of the other party when doing things, and base your intended goals on the other party’s. loss.Self-improvement is possible without self.If you feel that there are some people, some things, and some hurdles that you can't get through - push yourself down first.

5.Blend like water, adapt like water
No matter what your current life is like, you must have the spirit of water.Even if you are polluted, you can cleanse yourself.Like water, keep accumulating your own strength and break through obstacles. When you find that the time is not enough, accumulate your own thickness. When the time comes one day, you will be able to gallop into the sea and achieve your own goals. life.

——Yu Minhong (Founder of New Oriental Education Group, once gave a speech at Tsinghua University)

"How can a drop of water not dry up?" - more than 2000 years ago, the Buddha Sakyamuni asked in a Dharma meeting.

No one can answer.Finally, the Buddha asked himself and answered: Put it in the sea.

A drop of water leaves the sea, and sooner or later it will evaporate, permeate, and dry up.In the same way, we often say that there is a vast sea of ​​people, and society is to a person what the sea is to a drop of water.If he doesn't know how to throw himself into the arms of the sea, he will dry up sooner or later.

No one wants to disappear from the world, but some people are always out of harmony with this world.What is the reason?There is a poem by Xi Murong: "I throw myself into the crowd alone, and the crowd throws me loneliness", we might as well try to take it out of context: it is precisely because we throw ourselves into the crowd alone that the crowd throws us loneliness.In other words, it is we who have chosen to cut ourselves off from the crowd.

A drop of water can refract the sun's brilliance.A person who chooses to cut himself off from the crowd is not his own tragedy. Cho Seung-hee, who shot and killed 2007 students at Virginia Tech in 32, and Adam, who shot and killed 2012 students and teachers at an elementary school in Connecticut, USA in 20, are among the perpetrators of most bloody tragedies around the world. A common feature is that they are introverted, withdrawn, shy, shy, loners, and out of gregarious.

(End of this chapter)