12 Mindfulness Lessons Listened to at Tsinghua University

Chapter 27: People and Me (3)
In modern society, especially in big cities, it is an indisputable fact that interpersonal relationships are depressed and indifferent.Some people think that this is the inevitable product of the inconsistency of the world, and it is a self-protection mechanism.In fact, the world has always been like this.The state of the world can be cold, but our hearts cannot be cold.We are bathed in sunshine every day, there is no reason to be a person with a dark mind.We should say goodbye to loneliness as soon as a drop of water melts into the vast ocean, rejoin the crowd, form good relationships, and make as many friends as possible.As long as you are willing to devote yourself to the crowd actively and enthusiastically, the crowd will definitely return you with more enthusiasm.

Mr. Ji Xianlin once wrote in his book: To live in the world, a person must properly handle three relationships: first, the relationship between man and nature; second, the relationship between people, including family relationships; Third, the relationship between the contradiction and balance of thoughts and feelings in the individual's mind.If these three relationships can be handled well, life will be happy; otherwise, life will be troubled.

How to handle these three relationships?It's simple: learn like water.

First of all, water is the greatest creation of nature, and all human wisdom cannot create a single drop of water.Developed countries such as the United States have successively launched satellites, "Discoverers", "Conqueror" and other scientific research equipment to Mars and other near-Earth planets to take pictures and conduct on-site inspections. The most basic starting point is to find a little trace of water, because even if you find If there are traces of water, at least in theory, it can be speculated that there is life on this planet, or there will be life in the past, or there will be life in the future, etc., but until now, limited by science and technology, human beings have not been able to determine the existence of life outside the earth. Water in any state exists anywhere.

Corresponding to it is the great destruction of water by human beings.Einstein said: I don't know what weapons humans will use in World War III, but I know that humans will definitely use sticks and stones in World War IV.Einstein is nothing more than saying that as long as human beings engage in another world war, nuclear weapons will destroy human beings.As we all know, the birth of nuclear weapons is accompanied by the destruction of "water" - heavy water - an indispensable moderator and coolant for nuclear reactors.As for the problems of water shortage, water pollution, and floods that plague every modern person, it has long been a cliché, but it still has little effect today. Understanding the seriousness of the water crisis in a fundamental sense, three unscrupulous companies are still continuing to commit crimes.And they are committing crimes faster than we can protect and repair them.We said that like a drop of water melting into the sea, it is definitely not for you to go to the seaside to watch the excitement, let alone pick up two half-dead seafood while the sea is seriously polluted.I hope that from today on, "love water, cherish water, and protect water" will truly become everyone's responsibility.In that way, we can always eat seafood.

Second, water is the most adaptable thing in nature.If you put water in a square vessel, the water will be square; if you put water in a round vessel, the water will be flat; when the weather is hot, the water will evaporate; when the weather is cold, the water will condense; water will flow down from a high place, Where there are cliffs, there are waterfalls, and when there are high mountains, there are deep valleys.It is often said that there is no hurdle that cannot be overcome in the world, and there is no hurdle that cannot be overcome by water.Some places seem to be impenetrable on the surface, but the water has quietly seeped through.As human beings, we must adapt to life like water, to our friends and family, and to everyone in society as much as possible.We must not let people adapt to us, otherwise we will not be able to talk about integrating into the sea in the true sense.

A drop of water melts into the sea and it becomes the sea.To build the sea, we must first be "big", and we must not choose the trickle, or even the "poisonous".It is often said that the sea is the most magnificent, but in fact the sea is also the dirtiest.Because the water flows back to the sea, and the sea is the final destination of all dirty water.But from another point of view, the reason why the sea is vast is that it never rejects all kinds of water flowing in all directions, clear, turbid, dirty, smelly, and highly poisonous. It doesn't matter, as long as the water is willing to go, it can tolerate it.People say that you should have a heart like the sea, which means that you should be like the sea and be good at forgiving all kinds of uncleanness in the world.When a person understands that what we make friends is the advantage of friends, and understands that "the water in the Canglang is clear and can wash my tassels; the water in the Canglang is turbid and can wash my feet", then a person goes to No matter where you are, you don't have to worry about not being able to make friends.It's just that he always understands that some friends are just passers-by, and some friends are eternal confidants.

Finally, we must practice water-like qualities and water-like virtues.As we all know, water is a pure and soft thing, but since ancient times there has been a saying that water drops through stone.The "water knife" invented by modern people is the most convincing example of Lao Tzu's "softness overcomes strength".Whether it is a pure steel plate, or a hard stone, ceramics, it becomes easy in front of the "water knife".

The wish of every river is to run endlessly, and the mission of every river is to rush to the sea.The ancients said: "When you draw a knife to cut off the water, the water will flow again."Water is something that humans will never be able to overcome.Water is generally calm, but sometimes it gets angry. Floods, tsunamis, and hurricanes that still hold a lot of water are feared by people all over the world.Little Japan and Yankee are especially scared to death.But it's not the water's fault, it's human beings to blame.Water can carry a boat, and it can also overturn it. Only those who do not respect water will be severely punished by water.Dayu's "control" of water was nothing more than deceiving himself and others. In the final analysis, human beings have adapted to water and respected the character of water.

As for the virtue of water, the sage Lao Tzu directly pushed it to the highest level - the highest goodness is like water, benefiting all things without fighting, and dealing with the evils of everyone." Water is the source of life. Water not only creates life, but also nourishes life. Without water, animals will live Die from thirst, plants will die from drought, even microbes need a certain amount of water (humidity). But water is never like some people who do something and call it tired and ask for credit, but "do what everyone hates" , that is, to flow to places that people don't like - water flows to low places, but people try their best to go up, and repeatedly clamor "whoever stands in my way dies"! Historical experience tells us that such people often die in the It’s not because they are too incompetent or too poor in skill, but because they don’t have the corresponding virtues, and they don’t even know how to keep a low profile. Such people obviously haven’t handled it well.” Personal thoughts and emotional conflicts The relationship with balance". Such a person, even if he is not reduced to a disaster in the end by luck, his feeling must be "like a person drinking water, knowing whether he is warm or not."

6.don't take yourself too seriously
If your company currently has only two people, you can lower your title on the business card and earn respect!This situation is too common in many small businesses and small websites. It is obviously a small place with four or five people, but you have to tell people that this is the CEO, this is the COO, this is the CFO, this is the UFO... oh, a UFO is a flying saucer.

—— Jack Ma (Founder of Alibaba, once gave a speech at Tsinghua University)

The United Kingdom is one of the few constitutional monarchies in the world today.It is said that Queen Victoria had a quarrel with her husband one night.The husband walked back to the bedroom angrily and shut the door behind him.After a while, the queen also wanted to go back to her bedroom to rest, so she had to knock on the door.The husband asked inside: "Who?" Victoria replied arrogantly: "The Queen." What she didn't expect was that her husband neither opened the door nor answered.She had to keep knocking on the door.Only heard the question from inside: "Who?" "Victoria." The queen answered in a low voice.However, there was still no movement inside.She had no choice but to be patient and knocked on the door again.The voice from inside was still: "Who?" This time, Victoria completely let go of the queen's airs, and she replied softly: "I am your wife!" As soon as she finished speaking, the door opened.

As we said before, home is not a place to talk about reason, but a place to talk about love.But no matter how sweet your love in the world is, it is inevitable to stumble, and the deeper the love, the easier it is to get hurt, causing some small frictions and small conflicts that have no reason or are even worth mentioning in the eyes of others.At this time, do not bring your proud identity, status, etc. into the question, because any pride is an irritant.

Warren Tiannu said: The bravest man in the world is not a soldier on the battlefield, but an idiot in love.What is an idiot?To put it simply, it is a man who is frustrated in love, a man who is unlucky, a man who knows that he may not be able to catch up with him and still does not look back.If a man can win the heart of a beautiful woman by opening his mouth for the first time, he is not called an idiot, but a peach blossom man.An idiot is the most miserable man in the world.If you can't catch it, it will be bitter; if you catch it, it will still be bitter.Their suffering, on the one hand, stems from the fact that the women they pursue are too good, at least they feel good about themselves, so good that they take themselves too seriously and even have to frighten them frequently; Taking himself too seriously, as long as he can embrace a beautiful woman, let alone flattering and flattering, for some men who are deeply infatuated, even if they wrong their knee joints, that is not a problem.Yet, as you know, life is a lifetime.To choose a woman who takes herself too seriously, she must first be prepared to kneel on the washboard for the rest of her life.And this kind of happiness is definitely not something that ordinary men can enjoy.

Conversely, the same goes for women.Affected by thousands of years of feudal ideology that "men are superior to women", a large number of male chauvinists are still being produced in China today.One of my fellow villagers and colleagues once came to my house as a guest, and I personally cooked for him, and he expressed his admiration and contempt for me unabashedly.What I admire is that I can cook, and what I despise is that I am willing to cook.Because in our place, men generally don't know how to cook.It's not that they are stupid, but that they are unnecessary.My mother did it when I was young, and my wife did it after I got married.In the words of my colleague: I have to cook for myself when I marry a wife, isn’t such a colorful gift a waste of money?In addition, I also know a chef who also has his own set of theories: it is okay to work outside, but it must not be done at home-not used to this problem!

There is no doubt that these thoughts are undesirable.No woman wants to marry a man who treats her like a slave, even if she is a slave herself.Of course, no man is willing to marry a woman who is stricter than his stepmother. Even if he does marry this woman and can bear it, he will silently pray to God more than once in his heart to make his woman gentler.

There is no need for a leader in the family, and there is no need for an "uncle" in society.We can't be self-centered, care too much about ourselves, and take ourselves too seriously. Not only will it make others uncomfortable, but we will also be disappointed.

The famous performance artist Ying Ruocheng once told a short story:

When I was young, my family was a big family. Every time we ate, there were dozens of people together, which was very lively.Once, on a whim, I decided to make a joke with everyone.Before eating, I deliberately got into an inconspicuous cabinet in the dining room, hoping to surprise everyone by jumping out when they couldn't find it.But from the very beginning, no one noticed my absence at all.After drinking and eating, everyone left, and I walked out by myself and ate some leftovers.Since then, I have told myself: "Never take yourself too seriously, or you will be disappointed."

A philosopher said: Always treat yourself as a pearl, and you will always have the pain of being buried.Even if you are truly a pearl, different and superior, you should not be complacent.There are no flowers that bloom all the time in the world. People who climb higher tend to fall harder. We have seen many people who are "guests in the morning and prisoners in the evening". People who value themselves too much will inevitably look at themselves when they are hit. Can't bear the plummeting psychological gap.

So, in life, don't take yourself too seriously.

(End of this chapter)