dead souls, imperial envoy

Chapter 54 The Imperial Envoy (6)
Mayor Boo!You fools—the boots make such a noise!When I broke in, it was as if something weighing forty poods 32 was thrown from the car!Where are you hiding now?

The station is where you command it to be...

Mayor Boo! (quickly covers his mouth) Screaming like a crow! (Looking at his accent) Right where you told me to go!Roaring like pouring from a barrel! (to Osip) Go, old friend, and prepare what your master needs.Whatever it is, you just have to prepare it. (Ossip exits) You stand on the steps quickly and don't move!Idlers are not allowed in, especially those businessmen!If you dare to let someone in, then... as long as you see someone coming in with a certificate, even if you don't have a certificate, but looks like the kind of person who wants to denounce me, push him out quickly!Just kick like this!Kick hard! (Demonstrating with feet) Do you hear me?Hush...shh

◎Act [-]
[Ditto room in the mayor's house]
▲The first scene

[Judge, Mercy Hospital Director, Postmaster, Superintendent, Dobchinski and Bobchinski enter softly.They were all in formal uniform.Everyone in the audience speaks in a low voice]
Judge (arranging everyone in a semicircle) For God's sake, everyone, line up and obey order!He is a great man: he has been in the palace, he has scolded the Council of State!Line up like an army, be sure to line up like an army!Come here, Pyotr Ivanovitch.Peter Ivanovich, you are in this position. (The two Pyotr Ivanovitches tiptoe and run quickly)

The administrator will do it your way, Amos Fyodorovitch.But we must come up with a comprehensive plan.

Judge what?any solution?
Admin is that thing that everyone understands.

Did the judge stuff money?
Admins are just throwing money away.

That's too risky for the judge, he's a big man, what if he reprimands loudly?Is it possible to use noble donations to build monuments?
The postmaster or use the method of "unknown money in the post office".

The admin watch out for him to send you further afield from the post office in the post office.You know: in orderly countries such things are not done.Why are all of us crowded here?We should go to see him alone, face to face... what should be done, what should be done, no other ears can hear!That's how it works in a well-ordered society!Amos Fyodorovich, go and see me first.

Judge, you'd better go first: the great man has eaten in your institution.

Admin Roja Rokic, you educate young people, you should go first.

No inspectors, no, folks!To be honest, my education has made me like this: as long as people with high positions talk to me, my soul will go out of my body, and my tongue will be stuck in the mud, and I can't turn it.Everyone, please spare me, or don't let me go first!
Administrator Yes, Amos Fyodorovich, there is no one but you.Whatever you say, you can always speak eloquently.

Judge what?What eloquence!You see, you can make up!I might get carried away sometimes when it comes to domestic dogs and hunting dogs, but...

Everyone (struggling with him) No, no!You can talk not only about dogs, but about the world... Amos Fyodorovitch, don't abandon us, be our savior! ... Amos Fyodorovich!

Don't mess around, judges, gentlemen!
[At this moment there are footsteps and coughing in Hlesdakoff's house.Everyone ran out the door in a hurry, pushing each other, trying to get out of the door, bumping into someone in desperation.There was a low cry. ]
Bob Chinski's voice Whoops!Peter Ivanovich, Peter Ivanovich, you stepped on my toe!

Zemlyanika's voice backs off, folks, it's terrific—it crushes me!

[Only a few shouts of "Ooh", "Ooh" were heard, and finally everyone squeezed out, and the room was empty. ]
▲Second game
[Hlesdakov alone, enters sleepily]
Hey, I seem to have been asleep for a while.Where did they get these mattresses and eiderdowns?It was so warm that I was sweating in sleep.When they were having breakfast yesterday, they seemed to stuff something for me, but my mind is still dazed.I think it's very interesting and a good place to pass the time.I like people's hospitality. To be honest, I like people to serve me from the heart, not for some purpose.The mayor's daughter is fine, and the mother is okay... No, I don't know what's wrong?I really like this kind of life.

▲The third game
[Hles Dakov and the Judge]
Judge (after entering the venue, talking to himself) My God!God!Hope you get through this difficult time smoothly.I can't even bend my knees. (stands upright, holds sword in hand, speaks out) Court judge of the county court, eighth civil servant Lyapkin-Japkin pays his respects.

Sit down, please. Are you the judge here?

The judges have been elected by the nobles for three years since 1816 and have served until now.

Did Judge Hyuk do a good job?

During the three years, the judge went to Sis for commendation and awarded the fourth-class Vladimir Medal. (Narrator) The money is put in the fist, and the fist is as hot as a flame.

Hey, I like the Order of Vladimir very much.The Order of Anna, Third Class, means nothing.

JUDGE (with clenched fist, stretched slightly forward. Narrator) My God!I don't know how to sit down.Like hot coals under his ass.

What are you holding in your hand?
JUDGE (panicked, bill falls) Nothing!
Why is there nothing?You see money falling to the ground.

Judge (shuddering all over) No, no! (narrator) Whoops!I'm going to sue!The big truck has come and grabbed me!
He (picks up money) Yes, it's money.

The judge (narrator) is all over. - It's over!It's over!

Hey, can you lend me this money, okay?
JUDGE (speaking hastily) Well, well... very well, very well. (Narrator) Be brave!Be brave!Our Lady Bless!
You know, I spent all my money on the way: this one, that one... But I'll send it to you right away from the country.

No judge, no more!I feel very honored to be able to provide you with some help...Naturally, with my little effort, for the loyalty and diligence of my boss...Serve hard... I dare not bother you again.Is there anything you need to order?

What did he order?

Judge I mean do you have any order for this county court?
heh what does that mean?I don't need anything just now; no, nothing.Thank you.

Judge (bows and retreats, narrator) Well, the world is at peace, and the whole city is still under our control!
Hey (after he's gone) That's got a very nice judge!

▲The fourth game
[Khlesdakoff and the postmaster enter, straightening up, in uniform, with swords in hand]
Shi Qijin, the postmaster and the seventh civil servant, paid a visit.

Please!I like to make interesting friends.please sit down.Have you always lived here?
Postmaster Yes.

Hey, I like this city very much.Of course there are not many inhabitants—what does it matter?This is not the capital.Isn't it, this is not the capital, right?

The postmaster actually did.

He Wei only has elegant and cultivated gentlemen in the capital, and there are no country bumpkins.What do you mean?
Indeed, the postmaster. (Narrator) He is not like those officials who put on airs all day long.He just asks random things.

To be honest, you can live very happily in a small city, can't you?

Postmaster Yes.

What do the Hittites need most?I think that all you need is someone who respects you and loves you sincerely—isn't that enough?

That's true of the postmaster.

Heh, honestly, I'm glad you agree with me.Some people might call me a weirdo, but that's just how I am. (Looking at him, talking to himself) Let me borrow some money from the postmaster. (Voice out) A strange thing happened to me: I ran out of money on the way.Could you lend me three hundred rubles?

Of course the postmaster can, which is my great happiness.Please take it, I am sincerely ready to serve you.

Thank you, thank you.To be honest, the thing I hate the most is keeping things simple when traveling.And why bother to save the east and the west, and not spend it happily?

Postmaster Yes, yes. (Stands up, erect, sword in hand) I dare not disturb you any more. ... Do you have any comments on postal management?
No, no comments.

[The postmaster bows and steps back. ]
H. (smoking a cigar) The postmaster is a nice fellow, too.At least willing to help others.I love people like that.

▲Fifth game
[Hles Dakov and the inspector are pushed in through the door.A loud voice came from behind him: "Why are you so timid?"]
Inspector (straight, slightly trembling, sword in hand) Inspector, Ninth Civilian Khlobov.

Please!Please sit down, please sit down!Don't smoke cigars? (given a cigar)
INSPECTOR (talking to himself, hesitating) That's a hard choice!I didn't expect such a situation, should I accept it or not?

Let's smoke one, smoke one.This cigar is not bad.Nature is different from Petersburg.I smoked a hundred cigars for 25 rubles there, and after smoking, I even wanted to kiss my hand.The fire is here, smoke one. (giving candle)

[The inspector tries to inhale, but his whole body trembles uncontrollably]
He is not that end, not that end!

INSPECTOR (startled, drops cigar, spits, waves, talks to himself) Terrible!My timidity has made me lose face!
He looks like you don't like smoking cigars.To be honest, smoking cigars is a hobby of mine.There is another one about women, how can not make her feel cold.and you?What kind of woman do you like--dark-haired?And what about the yellow hair?

[The inspector has a very hesitant attitude, not knowing what to say]
Hey, please tell me straight up, the one with black hair?Or the one with yellow hair?

Inspector To be honest, I don't know.

Hey no, no, don't shirk!Why avoid it?I must know what you think.

INSPECTOR Then I dare... (aside) I don't even know what to say myself.

Heha!what!You refuse to say.There must be a brunette woman who has your mouth shut.You tell the truth, right?
[Inspector falls silent]
Huh!what!Are you blushing?look at you!Why can't you speak frankly?

Inspector I'm shy, big... big... big... (aside) The nasty tongue has betrayed me, betrayed me!
He shy?The look in my eyes always makes others feel majestic.But those women can't stand my eyes, can they?
Inspector Yes, yes.

Hell ran into a trouble: she ran out of money on the way.Could you lend me three hundred rubles?

Inspector (touching pocket, talking to himself) It would be too bad if there wasn't one. (Takes out the banknotes and hands them over while shaking the cord) Yes, there are.

Thank you, thank you.

The Inspector (straight, sword in hand) dares not disturb you any more.

Goodbye, Hannah.

INSPECTOR (Runs down, aside) God bless!Probably won't come to class!

▲The sixth game
[Hles Dakov and the director of the Charity Hospital straighten up, holding swords]
The director of the administrator's charity hospital and the seventh civil servant Zemlyanika greeted him.

Hey, please sit down.

Admin I have accompanied you on a tour of the charity I manage.

Hey yes!I still remember.Your breakfast is well done.

Administrator respects you a little.

To be honest, this is my weakness. I just love delicious food.Excuse me, I think you seemed shorter yesterday, didn't you?

Admin maybe. (Silence) I've always done my duty, no matter what, and diligently. (Moving the chair closer, whispering) The local postmaster doesn't do anything: business is neglected, parcels are backlogged for days... You can go and find out for yourself.The judge who came in before me did the same thing. He went hunting and raised dogs in the yamen. His behavior, to be honest-I did this for the benefit of the country, although he is my relative and friend, to be honest , his behavior is really unbearable.Here is a landowner named Dobchinsky, you have already met him, and as soon as this Dobchinsky left home, he went to sit with his wife, I can swear you... Just take a look at the children: there is no one like Dobchinsky, all the children look like judges, even the little girls are very similar.

Hey, it turned out to be like this!I can't think of it anyway.

The superintendent and the superintendent... I don't know how the boss could entrust him with such a job; he's worse than a Jacobin33, always instilling radical ideas in the youth, it's indescribable.Would you like paper on which you can write in detail?

Hey, it's good to write it out.I find this very interesting.I like to read something interesting when I'm bored... What's your last name?My memory is not very good.

Administrator Zemlyanika.

Hello, Zemlyanika.May I ask you: Do you have children?
Admins have it!There were five, and two were adults.

Hedu has come of age!how are they... are they...

Admin Did you ask what their names are?
Hey yes, what's their name?
Administrators Nikolai, Ivan, Elizaveda, Maria and Panlepituye.

He's fine, fine.

The administrator dare not bother you anymore, wasting your precious time... (prepare to exit after bowing)
He (sends him off) No, it doesn't matter.What you say is ridiculous.If you have a chance in the future, please say this... I like it very much. (turns back, opens the door and calls to him) Hello!What is your name?Sorry, I keep forgetting your name.

Administrator Artim Filipapevich.

I'm sorry, Artim Filipavitch, but I've had a trouble: I've completely run out of money on the way.Do you have any money to lend me - 300 yuan?

There are administrators, there are.

Herna is great, thank you.

▲The seventh game
[Hles Dakov, Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky]
Peter Ivanovich Bobchinski, a local resident of Bao, met.

Courtesy of the real landowner Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky.

Heh, I remembered, I've seen you.You seem to have fallen, don't you?How is your nose?
Bao God bless!Troubling you.It had scabbed over and is now completely scabbed over.

Hyuk is scabbed, which is fine.I'm so glad... (Suddenly resolutely) Do you have any money?
money?what money?

How about lending me a thousand rubles?
I really don't have the amount of Bao now.Have you, Peter, Ivanovich?

I don't have any, my money, you know, it's all on the social welfare.

Oh, if there is no one thousand, one hundred is fine, is there a hundred?

BAO (feels in pocket) Do you have a hundred rubles, Pyotr Ivanovitch?I have only forty rubles here.

Said (taking out his wallet to look) I only have 25 rubles here.

Bao You'd better look again, Peter Ivanovich!I know there is a slit in your right pocket, and it may fall into the slit, so look for it again.

No, it is true that there is no crack.

Hey, it doesn't matter, I just ask. 65 rubles is also good. ...Then I will keep it first. (collect money)

I have a small matter to bother you.

What's the matter?

A very small thing: my eldest son was born before I got married...

Huh?
He said that he was completely my own, the same as the one born after marriage, and I later completed the legal marriage procedures.Now I want him to be fully my legitimate son, with the same last name as me, Dobchinsky.

Hey, let's just use this surname, it's not a big deal.

I didn't dare trouble you, but he is a very gifted boy.This child...has great promise, can recite a lot of verses; as long as he gets a knife, he will immediately carve a car, so delicately carved, it's like magic.Peter Ivanovich knew it too.

Bao Yes, that is a very talented kid.

heh ok, ok!I'm trying to figure it out, and I'll talk to them. ... I hope ... all the best, yes, yes ... (to Bob Chinski) Do you have anything to say to me?
Bao Yes, there is a very small request.

What's the matter?

When you go back to Petersburg, please tell the lords, the senators and the admirals, that there lives in a certain town named Peter Ivanovich Bobkins base.Just say: there is a man of Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky.

He is very good, I promise you this.

If Bao saw the emperor, he would say to the emperor: Your Majesty, there lives a man in a certain city, his name is Peter Ivanovich Bobchinsky.

Hyuk is fine, I'll bring it up when it's convenient.

I'm really sorry we came here to bother you.

Bao, we are so sorry to bother you here.

It's okay, it's okay!I am very happy. (send them out)

▲The eighth game
[Hles Dakov alone]
He Zhen didn't expect that there are so many officials here, I think they regard me as a well-known figure.I said a lot of big things to them yesterday, which obviously frightened them.What a bunch of stupid guys!I will write all this to Torypitskin in Petersburg.From time to time he writes articles—let him have a good laugh at these people.Hello!Ossip!Get paper and ink now! (Osip, peeping outside the door, replied, "Here we come.") As long as someone bumps into Tolopitzkin's hand, it will be impossible to fly.Even for his own biological father, he will not be soft, and he likes money very much.These officials are good, and everyone is willing to lend me money, which is an advantage they cannot hide.Now I will point out how much money I have in total.Here's the judge's three hundred, the postmaster's three hundred, six hundred, seven hundred, eight hundred... What a rich banknote!Eight hundred, nine hundred... Whoops!One thousand... Haha, Captain, now I can have a good fight with you, maybe who will win in the end!

▲The ninth game
[Hlesdakov and Osip, holding ink and paper]
Hey, look, idiot, how is it that they treat me so well? (begins to write)
Oh yes, thank God, very nice!But Ivan Alexandrovich, I think...

what do you think?
Oh I think we should get out of here quickly!Really, we should go.

He (speaking while writing) Such spoiling words!Why?
Oh no why!We've been playing for two days—that's enough.Don't deal with them all the time, don't talk to them all the time!If it is bad luck, if someone else comes... Really, Ivan Alexandrovitch!If we go at this time, they can get us some good horses--we can go a long way! ...

(End of this chapter)