just passing by you

Chapter 39: Fighting the Spear (1)

When they were studying, she and him were the stage pillars of the Beijing Opera Department of the Academy of Chinese Opera. Whenever there was a large-scale performance, the department would call them to participate.Her singing voice is thick and majestic, and she is also a bit of a strong person that boys don't like, so she is often picked to play a loyal woman like She Taijun Mu Guiying.Every time she plays these roles, the audience applauds again and again, and even he, who has always been so proud that he can't look sideways, will occasionally come to the backstage after the show, and say to her who is taking off his makeup: good singing .She looked at the ugly girl with greasy face in the mirror, and him who turned around behind his back to talk to those beautiful girls, and wanted to lower his head and smile in this warm sentence, but for some reason, it was often tears, which were earlier than that smile and put the greasy paint on. Diluted first.

In fact, she has always wanted to play some tender women like Ye Hanyan in "Hanging Paintings", even if it is like the nameless Zhang in "A Dream of a Girlfriend".However, every time she brought it up, outsiders would look at her from top to bottom, and said with a smile: such a pitiful character, appearance is also very important.Her face turned red involuntarily; her heart also felt a slight pain, like those women in dramas who fall in love with a scholar but end up daring not to recognize him because of self-ashamedness.Therefore, she likes to put on beautiful makeup, shake her long sleeves on the stage, and sing "May this life always be with me and pity me", or "When I went there, the flowers were like brocades, and today the willows are green again. ".Of course, she was the only one on the stage, and there were empty wooden chairs off the stage.No one knew her secret, even the key to the school theater, and no one knew that she cheated her and gave it secretly.In the eyes of her classmates, she has always been a transparent girl, but only in this matter, she deceived everyone.including him.

At that time, he was praised by many girls. Not only did he sing well in opera, but he also knew a little about martial arts. He played Qin Huaiyu in "Men Kill Four Doors". When the performance reached its climax, the bold girls in the audience would often scream loudly.It was still somewhat conservative in the 80s, but he still became the most dazzling "martial arts student" on campus because of his handsomeness and talent.As long as there is his performance, even if he only plays a general, or an insignificant character, the girls will flock to the theater and shout his name frantically when he takes the stage.She heard it in the background, and would often subconsciously look at the clothes he had changed. They were still lying on the back of the chair in a mess, waiting for her to fold them neatly.This is yet another secret, a secret she refuses to share with anyone.including him.

In reality, she will never be able to get close to the arrogant him, and he also speaks concisely to her.Often when a scene is closed, he comes off the stage and bumps into her who is about to go on stage. He says hello, and no matter how much he asks, he tells her to: perform well.In his four years in college, he only talked about a love that ended without a disease, and then he was obsessed with homework and walked alone.But she still didn't dare to get close to him, fearing that once she got close, he wouldn't even give him the friendship of that one exhortation.She only hopes that she can have a chance to play his wife; no matter whether she is ugly or fierce in this role, she will like it.

Fortunately, this opportunity finally came to her.It is an excerpt called "Double Flower Gun". The man in the play, Luo Yi, left his wife and children to take root in other places because of a war; Huaqiang battle; in the end, Na Luoyi conceded and knelt down in front of their token of love, Huaqiang, begging his wife to forgive him for his selfishness back then.For this performance, they rehearsed for a full month, and every time her heart was filled with only happiness.Yes, even when she sang "Sorrowful, Hateful, Shame and Annoyed", there was shyness and joy in her eyes that couldn't be concealed.When the white snake spit out the core and threw the spear at him unexpectedly, it was also tender and tender.He didn't say anything, but when the teacher came to criticize her again for "the appearance does not match the spirit", he lowered his head to pick up the hat that had been knocked off the ground by her flower gun, and then quietly handed her a bottle of water.She reached out to take it, and the moment her fingertips touched, her face blushed.

She thought that she would really end the performance with the regret of "divorce from the gods".At the end of the performance, when she helped him up and recognized his husband and wife, her tears suddenly flowed out.For the first time, she raised her head to look at him bravely, and showed him all the tears and secrets in her heart at a glance.According to the procedure, he will take her off the stage, and the curtain will slowly close.But he raised his hand without warning, and slowly wiped away the tears on her face.Amidst the crazy applause from the audience, she looked at him in surprise.However, she did not find anything more.In fact, if you find it, what can you do?Because, the next day, they will graduate and go their separate ways.

After that, she broke off contact with him. She only learned intermittently from her classmates that he was still single. Many women offered to show affection to him, but he firmly refused them all.Even later, in order to refuse marriage, he had a falling out with his parents.In such news, she was sometimes pleasantly surprised and sometimes sad, until one year when they had a class reunion, she, as the initiator, wrote him a short letter asking if he could go.She had been looking forward to it until the class reunion was over, but she didn't see any letter from him.She finally understood that he had completely forgotten her as a humble woman.

She soon married, had children, and lived a most worldly life.Only in the increasingly depressed art troupe, in order to make a living, travel to various places and sing a play, will she think of those old dreams that have passed away in the colorful costumes and oil paints in the bottom of her heart.One year, when their unit went to perform in his city, she suddenly had the urge to find him in the art troupe where he worked.His unit is just behind the city theater.She walked through the middle of the bleak theater, and suddenly heard the familiar lyrics in "Pairing Flower Guns".Xunsheng looked over, and she froze for a moment.She saw him wearing a bright costume, holding a flower gun, sitting on the empty stage, singing alone.However, his trousers were empty.

When she called his name, he turned his head and looked at her with a quiet smile, just like she used to look at him with a smile in rehearsal many years ago.Then, she heard him say: It would be great if we could be reunited like in this play.

Her tears burst out again.She finally knew that he knew all her secrets mixed with sadness and joy.He also received her letterhead implying the meaning of reunion.It's just that at the beginning, he was so proud; later, because of the car accident, he felt so inferior.And the love between her and him passed by whistling in such years of intertwined pride and inferiority complex.

Our love with them.

Mother and father took a walk in the nearby park after the rain. She sang "The Five-Starred Red Flag Flutters in the Wind" sternly, without worrying about the curious watching of the people around her, while the father used the spare umbrella as a gun to cooperate with the mother's revolution. Singing, doing the posture of charging and killing the enemy.Beside them, there was a child roller skating, with his hands behind his back, his back arched, his eyes sharp, his movements graceful, and his expression aloof.There were also young people dancing cool street dances, which attracted a large number of applause.Only by the parents' side, deserted and lonely, even if someone looked at it, they were slightly sympathetic and curious.But the enthusiasm and seriousness on their faces that cannot be desecrated are not lost because of such indifference. As usual, in the late autumn wind, they sang high-spiritedly to the trees that would not applaud.

I was once moved by their calm and harmonious posture like a sycamore growing side by side, and I was puzzled in my heart, thinking, what kind of power is it that makes them, after more than 40 years of wind and rain, still rely on each other , Reluctant to give up?Of course it is not the indestructible money that I think. My father has been an ordinary teacher all his life. The material enjoyment he can give to my mother is not half of what I have as a woman.Up to now, when they go out, father still rides his electric three-wheeler, carrying mother, visiting relatives and friends.They are reluctant to spend money to take the bus, let alone call a taxi when they are tired after walking less than [-] meters like me.

I thought of me and my boyfriend who were born in the 80s, quarreling again and again over the down payment of the house and whose salary to repay the loan; I asked my father how he persuaded his mother, who had never asked anyone to borrow money in his life, to bear the burden when he bought this house. Loan repayment pressure?My father refused to open his mouth at first, but was tortured by me, so he whispered: Actually, your mother doesn’t know that I need to use my retirement money to repay the loan every month. I lied to her, saying, this house is used The original old one was replaced without paying a penny.I was taken aback and asked my father: How could someone as smart as my mother be fooled by you so easily?My father scratched my freckled nose, squinted his eyes and smiled triumphantly: When did your mother doubt me?He has obeyed me all his life.

I believe that when my father said these words, there must have been warm sunshine in his heart, pouring down, covering his overgrown phoenix tree with tenderness.When a man is willing to cover his woman from the dust of the secular world, and prop up a clear sky with his not very strong arms, his heart must be flexible and strong, and it is worthy of every woman's use. Loving.

And when I finished a meal and wiped off a layer of oil from my face with a tissue paper, the grievance and unwillingness in my heart swallowed me completely like a tide.I called my mother and cried to her, saying, why am I so unlucky to find a boyfriend who is too lazy to cook for me and picks and chooses?The mother laughed and said, but, child, if you don't even want to cook three meals a day for him, then how will you live the rest of your life?If you can't even eat, what life is there to talk about?Besides, if it’s just a meal for two people, it makes you bored, so when you have a child, a daughter like you who runs away in anger because of bad food, or a son who always makes trouble for you, what should you do? response?Children, you are just two people, and it should be the most relaxed and happiest time. If such a little bit of hardship is unbearable, how will you go on the long road ahead?
I think of writing essays when I was a child, and every time my mother is mentioned, it is always the busy back in the kitchen.She used such hard work that she took for granted in exchange for the big tree of her father, who shielded the family from the wind and rain without complaint or regret, and even told a heavy lie that she was only willing to bear alone.

(End of this chapter)