Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 12

If you want to have a happy life, you have two choices: one is to "do what you like", and the other is to "make yourself like what you do".For example, the probability that a person can run into a job he likes is probably only one in a few thousand, or one in tens of thousands.Moreover, even if I can get my wish and enter the company of my dreams, if I can be assigned to a position I like and do everything I am willing to do, I am afraid that I will not have such an opportunity.

Therefore, most of us can only start with things that are "not of interest to us".However, many people are not interested in what they do, and even hold a negative and resistant attitude towards things they don't like.Therefore, it is always inevitable to complain and always want to shirk, so a lot of precious time is wasted.

Take the things you are not interested in as things you have to do, control the inappropriate consciousness of "dislike" and "hate", and concentrate on doing them well. Naturally, you will feel full of There is power, and this power drives you to make certain results.With results, you will have a sense of joy and satisfaction, and with this sense of joy and satisfaction, you will like what you do even more.Slowly, you will get rid of the emotions of disliking, and gradually like, and even become obsessed with what you do.In this way, under the action of self-control, a virtuous circle begins.

Self-control expert hot comment
If you don't believe me, you can try it, I believe you will never say "this is not the life I want", "this is not the job I like", "this is not the person I like" in the end.

Have you been kidnapped by "sunk costs"?

There is a couple who often quarrel before marriage, but they still decide to enter into marriage.Soon after their marriage, the war between the two of them escalated again, from the original war of words to an armed conflict.In this way, the two stumbled through constant conflicts and battles and still lived together.If you ask the man, his explanation is: It was hard to catch up with his wife at the beginning, but now he has been married for two or three years and has children. If the partnership breaks up, wouldn’t the previous efforts be in vain?You ask the woman, she said: "I have spent so much time and energy on this relationship, if I want to break up with him, I will lose all my money and have to start all over again."

Check out these common psychological traps below: Have you fallen into one?
You pay $70 for a movie ticket, and within 15 minutes of the movie you realize it's the worst movie you've ever seen, but you stick with it anyway?The reason is simply because you don't want to waste movie ticket money.

You've bought tickets to a concert, and then you're suddenly sick, or the weather just happens to be really bad, and the ticket is non-refundable, but you still go to that concert, even though you don't want to go at all— — just to prove that you got your money's worth.Or, have you ever bought a chicken burger, and after the first bite, you thought it was a mayonnaise that you didn't like, but you insisted on eating it, just because you didn't want to waste the money spent? money?
You wait for the bus after get off work, and after waiting for more than half an hour, the bus still hasn't come.It costs 20 yuan to go home by taxi, but only 8 cents by bus.Usually people think: Waiting for a long time before going to take a taxi, isn't this half an hour wasted?So will continue to wait.

You pay for pants that are too skinny or shoes that are too small, and you still make do with them.

If you have any of the above experiences, you can basically be sure that you have been kidnapped by "sunk costs".

The so-called "sunk cost" refers to the cost that cannot be changed by any current or future decision-making because of past decisions.When people decide whether to do something, they not only look at whether it is good for them, but also whether they have invested in it in the past.We call these unrecoverable expenditures, such as time, money, energy, etc., as "sunk costs" (SunkCost).

After people pay, they all fantasize that there is a share that they can make up for the original loss and make up for the previous loss.Why are people so persistent in doing such stupid things?

One is that there is a psychological reluctance to accept the fact that previous costs have been wiped out.We think that the efforts and funds we have put in should benefit us, so we must be "worthy" of this investment.One is that people have a psychological tendency of self-defense and self-justification, and they are unwilling to admit their previous decision-making mistakes, so they always take into account sunk costs and hope to be consistent with previous choices.

It can be seen from this that the reason why we persist is because you can't turn a corner psychologically and fall into the habitual trap of "paying always pays off".In fact, "paying always pays off" is based on the correct direction.For example, if you want to go to the beach to watch the sunrise, but you keep walking inland with the sea on your back, think that you have to go to the year of the monkey.

Self-control expert hot comment
There is a saying that goes "don't cry over spilled milk".This is exactly the reason. When it is obvious that all efforts are going to "sink to the bottom" and cannot be "salvaged", you must awaken your rationality to the greatest extent, remind yourself repeatedly, prevent the further generation of sunk costs, and determine the next goal , clarify the results you want, and formulate a feasible plan based on the results.

how is your mental health
We can perceive the sub-health state of the body, but what about the mind?Are you mentally healthy?How is your mental health?Take this test to understand your current state of mind.If the test results are not good, I hope to look directly at the problem, and it is a good choice to see a psychologist.

(1) Do you not like introducing yourself to others?
Yes - turn (10)

Not - turn (2)

(2) Do you dislike physical examination because you are afraid of finding out something wrong?

Yes - turn (11)

Not - turn (3)

(3) When walking at night, do you always feel that there are people behind you?

Yes - turn (12)

No - turn (4)

(4) Do you think children from rich families are useless?

Yes - turn (13)

Not - turn (5)

(5) Do you always deny yourself?
Yes - turn (14)

Not - turn (6)

(6) You decide everything by yourself, don't you like to ask other people's opinions?

Yes - turn (15)

Not - turn (7)

(7) Will you warn yourself not to give affection easily?

Yes - turn (16)

No - turn (8)

(8) Don't you like others being too enthusiastic about yourself?

Yes - turn (17)

Not - turn (9)

(9) Do people say you have a lot of personality?

Yes - turn (18)

Not - turn (10)

(10) At work, are you always afraid that you are not doing well enough?
Yes - turn (19)

(11) Do you feel sad when you see other people's tragedies in life?
Yes - turn (20)

Not - turn (12)

(12) Can't you trust anyone completely?

Yes - turn (21)

Not - turn (13)

(13) Do you think luxury is meaningless?

Yes - turn (22)

Not - turn (14)

(14) Do you sometimes feel inferior and sometimes proud?

Yes - turn (23)

Not - turn (15)

(15) Do you dislike others contradicting you at any time?Yes - turn (24)

Not - turn (16)

(16) Do you always have to hide your feelings?

Yes - turn (25)

Not - turn (17)

(17) Does any trial period make you feel nervous?
Yes - turn (26)

Not - turn (18)

(18) Do you disdain to fight with others?

Yes - turn (27)

Not - turn (1 9)

(19) Are you worried that your lover will not love you?

Yes-A
Not - turn (20)

(20) Do you always worry about the occurrence of earthquakes?
Yes - B
Not - turn (21)

(21) A group of people are joking and looking at you from time to time, do you think:
They must be talking about themselves - C
I really want to participate in their chatting and laughing - turn (22)

(22) Do you think richer people are more stingy?
yes -D
Not - turn (23)

(23) Do you believe in out-of-body experiences?
Believe - E
Do not believe - turn (24)

(24) When you are accused, is your first reaction to refute the other party?

Yes - F
Not - turn (25)

(25) Walking on the street, you attract a lot of people’s attention, do you think it’s because: your clothes are too strange——A
Dirt on my clothes——B
(26) When a rich person puts his airs high in front of you, how do you feel:

The other party intends to hit yourself——C
Resentment - D
(27) Do you always change your mind after a few days on what you insist on?
Yes - E
Not - F
Test Results:

A．Excessive low self-esteem.I don't know why, but you always think of yourself so badly. You are obviously a very good person in the eyes of others, but you think you are worthless.Your inferiority complex is not comparable to that of ordinary people.Excessive low self-esteem makes you lose your charm.You should hold your head high and tell yourself: I am the best.Even if you can't do this, don't be yourself and always beat yourself up.

B．Excessive worry.You're thinking all day, worrying about this, worrying about that.You are taken aback, and everyone around you is made nervous by you.They tried their best to advise you not to think of everything so badly, but no matter how much they tried to comfort you, it was ineffective, and you would still be worried.In the future, you have to try to set a rule for yourself: don't worry about everything.

C．Too suspicious.You are always worried about being sniped behind your back, and you always feel that others are speaking ill of you behind your back and plotting against you.Sigh, you really think highly of yourself, who has the spare time to pay attention to you all the time.Just relax, there aren't so many mines around.

D．Serious hatred of the rich.You really envy and hate rich people.Seeing rich people swiping their cards and counting banknotes in front of you makes you feel uncomfortable. You feel that rich people are all evil, and you always hold a slanderous and contemptuous attitude.To change this sour grapes mentality, if you want to be rich, you have to work hard yourself.

E．Slight split personality.You can't figure out what kind of person you are. Sometimes you are cheerful and sometimes cold, sometimes gentle and sometimes irritable. Your volatile personality makes people feel weird.Don't think so much, and don't try to change yourself, people actually have two sides.

F．Extremists love to dig into dead ends.You can't listen to what anyone says to you. You don't need other people's opinions. There is only one word in your life, and that is "I".When others express a point of view, they know that this point of view is correct, but they always think of some extreme ideas or some untenable evidence to say that others are wrong or to question others.You have to use time to eliminate your own extreme thoughts. It doesn’t mean that what you insist on is necessarily right, and it doesn’t mean that other people’s views that are inconsistent with yours are necessarily wrong. You must know how to accept and learn in life. To think, you must know how to analyze the problem comprehensively and calmly.Life is beautiful, if you know how to improve yourself, more people will accept you.

(End of this chapter)