Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 11

There are many people with sharp ideas and high talents, but they cannot use their strengths to participate in the discussion.It's not that they don't want to participate, it's just that they lack confidence.People who are silent in meetings think: "My opinion may not be worthwhile, and others may think it stupid if I say it. I'd better not say anything. Also, everyone else may know more than I do, and I don't want to I want you to know how ignorant I am.” These people often make vague promises to themselves: “I won’t speak until next time.” But they know they won’t be able to keep that promise.Every time these taciturn people don't speak up, he suffers from the poison of lack of confidence again, and he loses confidence more and more.On the positive side, if you speak up as much as possible, you will increase your confidence and it will be easier to speak up next time.So, speak up, it's the "vitamin" of faith.

smile
People, especially introverts, are complex emotional creatures.You could be confident with your friends, but very shy at work, just trying to get through the day and get home and relax again.Personal growth and success comes from self-confidence.A great way to gain confidence is to smile.

Most of us know that laughter can give us practical motivation, and it is a good medicine for lack of confidence.But there are still many who don't believe it because they never try to laugh when they're scared.Real laughter can not only heal your own bad emotions, but also immediately resolve the hostility of others.We often hear: "Yeah, but when I'm scared or angry, I just don't want to laugh." Of course, that's when nobody laughs.The trick is to force yourself to say, "I'm going to start laughing." Then, laugh.To control and use the ability to laugh.

with an affirmative tone
There are women who look in the mirror and cannot help feeling a certain happiness when they see their own form or color.Conversely, some women are plagued by feelings of inferiority.Although each other's skin is dark, the confident woman will think: "My skin is wheat-colored, almost comparable to black hair." And she must be secretly happy.However, a woman who lacked self-confidence groaned in pain because of this: "What's wrong, my complexion is so dark." The moods of the two people are completely different.Some women lose confidence when they see a mirror, and even smash the mirror in a fit of anger.It can be seen that the standard of value judgment is very subjective and vague.As long as you think it's pretty, you'll think it's pretty; if you think it's annoying, it's not pleasing to look at.In particular, the situation of inferiority complex is often affected by language, so it is said that negative language is harmful to a person's mental health, but not beneficial.

Self-control expert hot comment
Self-confidence, especially strong self-confidence, can motivate people to come up with various feasible methods and various skills on how to do it. At the same time, it can also make others have confidence in you and win the favor of others.Believe in yourself, actually believe in yourself, and you will be able to succeed.

Meditate to fight jealousy

Jealousy is a human instinct.Jealousy is a dangerous emotion of dissatisfaction, shame, anger, displeasure, loss, and even hostility when one finds oneself inferior to others in terms of talent, reputation, status, treatment, and enjoyment in the process of comparing with others.

American playwright Payne said: "Envious people are troubles to others, but torture to themselves."

A Japanese scholar said: "The so-called jealousy is the emotion that arises when someone other than oneself occupies a superior position than oneself, or when one's precious things are robbed or will be robbed by others." Among the weaknesses of human nature, the harmful The biggest is jealousy, which exists in everyone's heart and endangers people's mental health like a cancer.

Unlike the vices of greed and laziness, which can make the human body experience the pleasure of indulgence, jealousy brings only pain.But we never get tired of it.So, why can't human beings get rid of jealousy?
A group of Japanese researchers recently studied this question.They recruited 19 college students, asked them to read some story scripts, and then used functional magnetic resonance imaging to measure changes in blood flow in the brains of these people.

When reading a story, the students were asked to set themselves as the ordinary protagonists in the story.In addition to the protagonist, three characters ABC are also specially arranged in the story. A is the same gender as the protagonist, and has almost the same life path and goals, but has excellent grades, a wealthy family, and is very popular with the opposite sex; B is a different gender from the protagonist, although he is better, but his life path and goals do not overlap; C is also different from the protagonist’s gender , and the grades are average, and the life path and the protagonist are also different.

After the students read the story, the researchers asked them to answer the degree of envy of the characters ABC. The results showed that the degree of envy of these people towards ABC decreased in descending order.According to the results of functional magnetic resonance imaging, for character A, the anterior cingulate cortex of the subject's brain is the most active, while for B and C, the activity of this brain area decreases in turn.The anterior cingulate cortex is thought to be the area of ​​the brain that processes physical pain.

Next, the researchers had the students read a sequel to the story.In the sequel, the characters ABC encounter various unfortunate events.The experimental results show that the degree of the students' schadenfreude about the ABC misfortunes decreases in descending order, which is the same as the change of the degree of jealousy.At this time, the students also showed diminishing activity in the ventral striatum—a brain area typically thought to be active when receiving monetary rewards or social approval.The greater the jealousy, the greater the pleasure felt in the other's pain.

Studies have shown that envy is so closely associated with schadenfreude that the pleasures are so good that people forget about the danger in front of them.Once a person has the idea of ​​jealousy and falls into the abyss of "jealousy", his whole thinking and behavior will be controlled by jealousy, he will lose his mind, and even be tortured by his own jealousy to become sick.

In daily work and social interactions, jealousy often occurs with people who are on the same level as you and have a competitive relationship.By comparing the amount with such a person, the result is two kinds of pressure on oneself, namely positive and negative pressure.Those who can positively and kindly repay the other party without posing physical and mental threats to the other party are called positive pressure; those who negatively and maliciously hate the other party, and thus suffer from "pink eye disease" and pose a physical and mental threat to the other party, we call it positive pressure. Call it negative pressure.

It can be seen that jealousy is the result of negative pressure generated through this comparison.As Spinoza said: "Envy is a kind of hatred, which makes people feel pain at other people's talents and achievements, and take pleasure in other people's misfortunes and disasters."

Shakespeare once made such a metaphor for jealousy: "Jealousy is a green-eyed demon. Whoever becomes its prisoner will be fooled." The Spanish writer Cervantes also said: "The envious always observes with a telescope. Everything, in a telescope, small objects become large, dwarfs become giants, doubts become facts." Balzac said it well: "The jealous man suffers more than anyone else, his own misfortunes and those of others. His happiness made him miserable."

In interpersonal communication, driven by jealousy, jealous people often have uncontrollable thoughts of repulsion, and irrationally make some actions that hurt others.Like an aggressive rooster, always attacking others and denigrating their achievements.Therefore, jealousy is a psychological barrier in interpersonal communication. It will limit the scope of people's communication, suppress people's enthusiasm for communication, and even turn friends into enemies.

Is it difficult to get rid of this bad psychology?In fact, as long as you find the right method, everything is very simple.meditation practice

Proceed as follows:

(1) Use the leisure time in the morning, noon and evening, lie on a chair or sofa, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing for 1 minute.

(2) Make a list on paper of those you feel have treated you unfairly, hurt you, or whom you resent.Next to each person's name write what he did to you, or the reason you hate him.

(3) Then close your eyes, relax, and imagine each person one by one.Talk to each person a little bit and explain to them that you have been angry and hurt in the past, but that you will now try to forgive them as much as possible, allowing the pent-up energy to flow between you.Bless that person and show that you've let go of the conflict between you.

(4) When this process is complete, write on the paper: "I have now let go and forgive you all." Then throw the paper away, symbolizing that you have let go of these pasts.

(5) In the next few minutes, suggest some positive thoughts to yourself, such as: "From now on, peace, happiness, and good mood will become the norm in my life, and I will always be grateful for this. Heart."

(6) Whenever jealous thoughts come to mind, kindly let them go, and let the thoughts return to the words of blessing you have just brewed.

(7) Open your eyes, walk slowly, and end the exercise.

At first, this meditation process may not have a strong effect on you.Please don't force yourself to eliminate jealousy when the negative emotions are too strong and the backlog of emotions in the past has not been fully released.Not being jealous will happen naturally in the future.Do it from time to time and eventually it will pay off.

Self-control expert hot comment
When the psychology of jealousy develops and grows in the subconscious, it is difficult for us to establish a harmonious and balanced relationship with the world and others.On its own, jealousy causes one's own physical and emotional chaos.As far as others are concerned, rumors, bad words, tearing down, spreading rumors, etc. of the envied person often cause bad consequences to the envied person.Therefore, it is very necessary to get rid of this psychological bad habit.

Don't like it?you will like it
Someone asked a psychological expert: "I am a short-sighted person. When I encounter unpleasant things outside, I get angry, but when my girlfriend quarrels with me indiscriminately, I come out instead." I can't get angry, I always think she is cute like this, and others say I am a masochist."

The expert smiled and said: "People have a very strange habit. You can bear no matter how unreasonable she is to the person you like; you have no complaints about the things you like, no matter how hard, tired, or difficult. This is Because of two words 'obsession'."

In the eyes of others, if a woman is aggressive, even a little unreasonable, she can't help but sympathize with the man around her, "This is too unbearable, otherwise I would have worshiped her long ago."The person who said this is probably someone who has never been in a relationship.Anyone who has really experienced love knows that if you love the other person very much, you will be deeply attracted by everything about the other person. The "fascination" born of love will make you accept all the advantages and disadvantages of the other person without even realizing it. There is nothing I can't bear.

The same is true for work. If you love work and are obsessed with work, you will be able to work with enthusiasm and passion for a long time, and even in a very difficult environment, you can still work hard without complaint.

(End of this chapter)