Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 10

Sarah Banhart was caught in a storm during a trip across the Atlantic.She fell on the deck, badly hurt her leg, and later contracted phlebitis and leg cramps.The doctor felt that she should not endure such severe pain any longer and that her leg should be amputated.From the doctor's point of view, this is very terrible news. He is worried that the bad-tempered Sarah will not be able to accept this fact, so he doesn't know how to tell Sarah.When he bit the bullet and told Sarah about it, Sarah glanced at him and said calmly, "If you have to do this, then do as you say." She said these words At that time, she behaved very calmly, and she accepted the arrangement of fate frankly.

Her son wept as the brave actor was wheeled into the operating room, and his mother waved him and said: "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

Before the operation, Sarah had been reciting lines from a play she had acted in.Someone nearby asked: "Are you doing this to cheer yourself up?" She replied: "Of course not, I am doing this to relieve the pressure on the doctors and nurses and to cheer them up."

After the operation, Sarah gradually regained her health.She traveled around the world as always, and showed her charming style to the audience in the next 7 years.

It can be seen that worry does not originate from the danger signals from the outside world, but from the irrational thoughts in the heart of the troubled person. Whether it is worrying about gaining or losing, people subconsciously put forward extravagant expectations for life, hoping that everything about themselves can be fulfilled. It goes smoothly, but at the same time, the troubled person also understands that life is not smooth sailing. Difficulties and twists and turns will increase the variables of life.Two contradictory views cannot be reconciled, and troubles will arise.Understanding this truth can help us find ways to change this bad mentality.

First of all, you need to change the habit of worrying so much and stay optimistic.The French writer Victor Hugo once said: "Thoughts can turn heaven into hell, and can also turn hell into heaven." Whether it is about the future or the past, maintain an optimistic attitude.Relevant studies have shown that if a person maintains a positive and optimistic attitude, when dealing with problems, he is 20% more likely to get satisfactory results than the average person.Therefore, a positive and optimistic attitude will not only calm the anxiety, but also make the problem better solved.

Second, accurately position yourself.Carnegie said, "I strongly believe that this is one of the biggest secrets of psychological calm -- that we must have the right values. I also believe that as long as we can set a personal standard -- it is the same as our life. Compared with the standard of what kind of things are worth doing, 50% of our worries can be eliminated immediately."

Self-control expert hot comment
60% of worry disappears when you have a clear idea of ​​what you are going to do.After you put it into action, the remaining 40% of worry can also be eliminated.In other words, understanding what you worry about, finding the most feasible solution to these worries, and doing it immediately according to this method can eliminate all worries.

Learn to relax at critical moments

William James said: "Excessive nervousness, fidgeting, anxiousness, and tense and distressed expressions... These are bad habits, absolutely bad habits."

The pace of life is too fast, and the brain is often tensed. I dare not relax at all, for fear that if I relax, I will be overtaken by others.But needless excessive mental stress is not only useless, but also makes it easier for people to make wrong decisions in tension.

Psychological quality is the basis of a person's comprehensive quality.Cultivating a strong psychological quality is very important for modern people.As social competition becomes more and more fierce, people often feel overwhelmed and nervous in the face of ever-changing things.This is an inevitable product of social civilization, but it is also a psychological state that must be overcome to adapt to society and the environment.How can we overcome the nervousness?
Nowadays, the most popular athletes in men's swimming are China's Sun Yang and South Korea's Park Tae-hwan.Before the start of the men's 800m freestyle final at the London Olympics, Sun Yang, who was preparing to play in the waiting area, was extremely relaxed. What caught his eye was that he was wearing a pair of black headphones, listening to music and relaxing.

This outfit reminds us of the outfit of South Korean star Park Tae-hwan at the Asian Games. The latter also likes to relax himself by listening to music before the game, which has almost become Park Tae-hwan's iconic "configuration".

Many athletes like to listen to music with earphones before the competition, which is very helpful for relaxation before the competition and allows them to enter the state faster.

It's not easy to relax, but it's worth the effort because it can revolutionize your life.

How can we relax?Do we start with the mind first, or the nerves first?neither.You should start by relaxing your muscles.

To relax the muscles, you should start with the eyes.Lean your head back, close your eyes, and say to your eyes silently: "Relax, relax, don't be tense, don't frown, relax, relax." Repeat this slowly for 1 minute.Have you noticed that after a few seconds, the eye muscles begin to obey your commands.

Do you feel that there is an invisible hand that removes these tense emotions?It may seem unbelievable, but in this one minute you have mastered all the keys and secrets to the art of relaxation.You can relax your face muscles, your head, your shoulders, your whole body in the same way.But the most important organ in your body is your eyes.

Dr. Edmund Jacobson of the University of Chicago once said that if you can completely relax your eye muscles, you can forget about all your worries.The reason why the eyes are so important in relieving mental tension is that they consume a quarter of the energy radiated from the whole body.That's why many people with good eyesight feel "eye tension" because they themselves make the eyes tense.

To you, many of the habits you have now are just routines.Likewise, new good habits gradually become routine.

People want to deal with tension, and the way they learn is "when they're tense, they try to tell themselves to relax."This practice method has a core feature, which is that when the external stimulus makes the person nervous, the person tries to resist the stimulus and relax himself.This way of practicing is basically a defense.Many people find this practice difficult to succeed because when the stimulus arises, the person is often tense and has no way to relax.Therefore, this defensive confrontation effect will be relatively poor.

The best way to overcome nervousness is to be proactive
For example: You feel nervous when watching horror movies, then you can practice relaxing the tense muscles while watching horror movies.You can also deliberately think about things that make you feel nervous and anxious when you are in a calm and happy mood, and try to relax after making yourself tense.

As a result, you will find an interesting phenomenon. When you take the initiative to "provoke" your nervousness, the nervousness will shrink back instead.The easiest way to take the initiative to attack is to take a deep breath.Take a few deep breaths every few hours while relaxing your shoulders, arms, and stretching.Practice 20 times a day before going to bed or in the morning, so that your breathing will gradually become slow and long.

If you are a person who is easily nervous, you can deliberately find some tense situations anytime, anywhere to practice.For example: ask yourself to say a word or two to the clerk, deliberately ask a question in class, watch some horror movies, etc.You will notice that when you are faced with these situations, the muscles of your whole body will tense up, and you may feel tension in your face, shoulders, and stomach.At this time, you relax the muscles in these parts and let yourself continue to take deep breaths.When you are more relaxed, you continue to challenge these things that make you nervous.When the muscle tenses up again, you relax it again.Over time, you'll become more likely to notice your muscles tense, and you'll be able to relax them quickly.At this time, you will develop the habit of relaxing.

Counting while taking deep breaths will help you relax more quickly.When you are in a tense state and cannot help yourself, counting slowly from 1 to 10 can effectively help you relieve the tension and calm you down.Because, when you count slowly, you will subconsciously breathe deeply, which is very good for your mental relaxation.Cultivate such a habit - whenever you start to get nervous, you should immediately think of counting from 1 to 10.

However, I still want to emphasize one more point. The habit of relaxation will never be developed in one or two days. You must work hard for a long time to succeed.You might as well do this exercise in front of a mirror right now.As your own breathing grows longer, you'll find it's easier to control your tension.

Breathing deeply through the chest can increase the breathing volume, make the oxygen content in the blood more sufficient, make the carbon dioxide in the lungs be discharged more thoroughly, expand the chest cavity, and reduce the pressure on the heart and lungs.Therefore, taking a deep breath when facing a tense situation can relax the whole body, restore composure and tranquility, and increase courage and self-confidence.While practicing deep breathing, close your eyes and sit or stand in a relaxed position.Keep your head up and your shoulders flat.When inhaling, inhale deeply, and expand the lungs as much as possible; when exhaling, exhale slowly, and let the exhalation time be a little longer, until the residual gas in the lungs is almost exhausted.Breathe through your nose as much as possible.The deep breathing relaxation method is simple and easy, and does not need to take a long time. It is a convenient and effective emergency measure.For example, before an exam, before a performance or speech, and before participating in a sports competition, deep breathing can be used to adjust the physical and mental state and reduce tension.

Self-control expert hot comment
Tension is a habit, and relaxation is also a habit. Bad habits should be eliminated and good habits should be cultivated.It's not easy to relax, but it's worth the effort because it can revolutionize your life.

Get rid of the complex of self-confidence
Sales executive: "Your sales task for next month is 500 million, how about it, are you confident?"

Business staff: "Huh? Leader, this, this is not an international joke, I can't do it, this is equivalent to doubling from last month!"

Many people have the habit of jumping to conclusions hastily in their work and life.We often face a goal beyond our ability and say: "I can't, I can't do it." When we say this, we habitually judge our future "OK" or "No" by our existing ability. ".If you understand that "ability is not the present tense" but "present continuous", you will understand that human abilities have the characteristics of infinite extension.

Looking at the work that everyone is doing today, from your perspective years ago, you may think: "I can't do it, I don't have the ability to do it." In fact, now, don't you think that the difficult work at that time is nothing more than that? ?This is because your abilities improve and develop over time and with practice.

When you encounter a big problem in life or a challenge in your work, you should stop using the habitual logic of "I haven't learned, I don't have experience, so I can't do it well" to judge, you should be conscious Think about it this way: Although I have no experience and no technology now, I have confidence and drive, so I will definitely be able to do it.When you promise yourself "Yes, I can do it", you must devote all your strength to do it well.In the process of doing it, it is impossible to have no difficulties because of your confidence. On the contrary, you will feel "I can't do it anymore, I can't do it anymore".If you encounter such an insurmountable obstacle, congratulations, you are not far from success.At this time, you must have an unshakable belief-I have the confidence to overcome suffering.At this time, your willpower will resonate with the frequency of the willpower of the universe, and the resonance can produce an energy that can split the earth. It is conceivable that your abilities and goals cannot be realized?So, don't lose faith in yourself.

People grow up in the process of overcoming inferiority complex and building self-confidence
In real life, almost everyone of us knows the importance of self-confidence to career and life, but knowing the necessity of self-confidence does not mean having self-confidence.In fact, lack of self-confidence has always been a big problem that plagues people. There was a survey conducted on students who took psychology as an elective in a certain university. One of the questions was the most disturbing thing for the individual. The results of the survey showed that 75% of people lack self-confidence The ratio.In life, people who follow, shrink, feel restless, feel incompetent, and even doubt their own abilities can be seen almost everywhere.People of this type have doubts about their sense of responsibility.They also doubt whether they can seize favorable opportunities.They always think that things cannot go smoothly, so they feel uneasy.Also, they don't believe they can have what their hearts desire.So they tend to shrink back and settle for the next best thing, as long as they have a little achievement, they feel satisfied.

So how to build self-confidence?The following are the methods of cultivating self-confidence summed up by professionals, which may be helpful to you.

take the front seat

Have you ever noticed how the seats in the back get filled first, whether in teaching or classroom gatherings?Most people who occupy the back seat hope that they will not be "too conspicuous".And the reason they are afraid of being noticed is their lack of confidence.Sitting up front builds confidence.Try it as a rule and try to sit as far forward as possible from now on.Of course, sitting in the front will be more conspicuous, but remember, everything about success is conspicuous.

practice looking at others
A person's eyes can reveal a lot about him.When someone looks you down, you instinctively ask yourself: "What are you trying to hide? What is he afraid of? Will he be against me?" Not looking someone up usually means: I feel inferior around you ;I feel inferior to you; I am afraid of you.Avoiding other people's eyes means: I feel guilty; I did or thought something I don't want you to know; I am afraid that if I meet your eyes, you will see right through me.This is all bad information.Looking squarely at others is like telling you: I am honest and aboveboard.I believe what I tell you is true and I am not guilty.

Increase your walking speed by 25%
When David Schwartz was a teenager, going to the town center was a lot of fun.After finishing all the errands and getting into the car, my mother would often say, "David, let's sit for a while and watch the people pass by." My mother was a wonderful observer.She'd say, "Look at that guy, what do you think he's having trouble with?" Or: "What do you think the lady over there is up to?" Or: "Look at that guy, he seems a bit lost." Observation It is a real pleasure for people to walk.It's much cheaper and more enlightening than watching a movie.Many psychologists associate slouching, slow walking with unpleasant feelings about yourself, your work, and others.But psychologists also tell us that by changing posture and speed, you can change your mental state.If you observe carefully, you will find that the movement of the body is the result of the movement of the mind.Those who have been hit and ostracized walk slowly and have no self-confidence.Ordinary people walk like "ordinary people" and make "I'm not very proud of myself" confessions.Another kind of person shows extraordinary confidence and walks faster than ordinary people, like running.Their steps tell the world: "I'm going somewhere important, I'm going to do something important, and more importantly, I'm going to be there in 15 minutes." Using this "walk 25 percent faster" technique, look up Walk faster with your chest out, and you'll feel your confidence grow.

practice public speaking
(End of this chapter)