Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 9

Transforming Psychology: Controlling Yourself From the Inside Out
Habit, as a kind of mental set, seems to have a potential power to drive people to complete a certain set of actions. This "mysterious" power is fixed set.Operating procedures and behavior patterns are simplified into a stable mental model through fixation. As long as the habitual action is started, it will repeat itself unconsciously.If a person wants to become a master of interpersonal communication and have a beautiful, happy and successful life, he must stimulate his willpower, not magnify the weakness of human nature, not ignore the advantages of human nature, and bravely change the negative psychological stereotype.

It is better to cut off its roots with one blow than to cut off its branches and leaves with a thousand axes.

- Thoreau

Rewriting the Mental Script
Whenever I ask people who are plagued by bad habits what bad habit they would most like to get rid of, the answer I hear most is procrastination.They often say: "I know I should do it, but I just procrastinate. I always have to wait until the last moment to do it. At this time, I often make mistakes. Then I tell myself that I can never procrastinate again next time. But it is still the same. So, I often blame myself and blame myself for my poor self-control.”

From their expressions when they said this, we can see their helplessness, confusion, and dissatisfaction with themselves.I don't know if you have similar problems. Some things you know you should do, but you don't do them; some things you know you shouldn't do, but you do them anyway.For example, you have told yourself many times that you should watch less TV and surf the Internet for a while when you go back at night, and set aside some time to sort out today's work, but when you turn on the TV or computer, although there is nothing worthy of attention , but still unconsciously waste time on it, when you completely lose interest, you find that a few hours have passed, you have to clean up and go to bed immediately, and you have to get up early to go to work tomorrow, and you start to feel guilty when your head is on the pillow , So I secretly made up my mind: I must not waste time like this tomorrow.However, the second day, the third day, still.Over time, you no longer have the confidence to set such seemingly impossible goals.Many people are distressed by poor "self-control". How to solve this problem?

The reason why we cannot change is that there seems to be a written script in our hearts, which affects all our activities.In this stereotyped script, you are talking to yourself at all times, even though you may not be aware of it.For example, you always see yourself as a broken person, and you always say to yourself or others: "I can't keep my promises." No doubt, the next time something comes up, Even though you can, you don't act.You already know that you will renege on many things, and you think this way, so naturally you also act according to this way of thinking.Similarly, when it comes to procrastination, sloppiness, etc., you will do what you think. "Recently, my tasks are very heavy, and I will definitely not be able to complete them by then, so let's just let nature take its course."

Now, let's say you're about to rewrite your inner script.Suppose, you want to remove the label of "untrustworthy" and "procrastinator", try to say to yourself: "I still think a person's reputation is very important, a gentleman keeps his word." It's better to get rid of it, so I don't have to worry about it." You will change your previous negative evaluation of yourself.You'll nod and say, "I'll do anything right away."

As for exercising, you can also re-plan.You don't have to reward yourself with a big meal every time you hit the gym and run 5000 meters on the treadmill, even if that's become your routine in the past.You can use your inner strength to create a new pattern.The next time you're done with your fitness routine, you can say to yourself, "That's great, I'm going to bring this feeling into my life."

Change your mind and you will change your habits.The messages from your heart are your self-fulfilling prophecies, which can easily be translated into your own actions. If these messages represent failure and disappointment, then your actions will not succeed.But if this information represents willpower, it will make it easier for you to succeed.

Self-control expert hot comment
Take some time to carefully analyze your inner needs and figure out what you are really after, so as to design a new script for yourself.

change your beliefs
How we feel about things depends not on the facts themselves, but on our interpretations, which in turn are governed by our beliefs, the basic point being that everything happens in a way that makes us happy.Specific beliefs that determine our pain and pleasure.If you are ignorant of the influence of beliefs in your heart, you may not be able to obtain any happiness; on the contrary, if you understand and properly use the power of beliefs, then its influence on our lives will be greatly enhanced.

Anthony Robbins described a scene about watching a total solar eclipse in his masterpiece "Awakening the Giant Within":
On the viewing platform, thousands of people looked forward to the arrival of the solar eclipse.It's a pity that the weather is not good. At this time, thick black clouds gathered in the sky, and the clouds became thicker and thicker, and finally completely engulfed the entire sky.At this time is close to the moment of total solar eclipse, however, the sky is getting darker.Obviously, we can no longer see the astronomical spectacle of the moon covering the sun.

At this moment, someone behind me began to complain: "I spent $4000 and ran all the way here, and I didn't expect to see nothing." A woman not far from me also said: "I didn't expect us to come here." Can't see it with my own eyes." But her lively daughter said to her excitedly, "Mom, it's still an eclipse!" and a woman sitting on my right said, "This is incredible I can actually see such a scene." The scene fell into chaos for a while, some people smashed their cameras, threw their drinks, and some cursed.

Then, a miracle happened, and the sky became clear again. At this time, there were only 2 minutes left before the arrival of the solar eclipse.The last ray of sunlight behind the moon finally faded, and in an instant we were all engulfed in darkness.This is not at all like the usual nightfall when the sky slowly sinks into darkness, but completely darkens in an instant.Everyone sat on the ground in the dark, staring at the sky motionless. After a while, some people started to make weird moves. Some people took out their cameras and took pictures of the screen.

After 4 minutes, the sun is slowly returning, and the solar eclipse is not completely over, but many people have already started to get up and leave.This confuses me. After all, just now so many people complained that God would not help. Since they came all the way, they would miss this rare opportunity in their lifetime.

A reporter started interviewing people to find out how they felt about the eclipse.Many people said that watching the eclipse was the experience of their lives. One pregnant woman touched her big belly and said that the eclipse made her feel closer to her unborn baby. She came here at the right time .

In this eclipse watching action, we can see that some people smashed their cameras on the spot because they did not see the solar eclipse; In the years to come, I will recall and chew from time to time and share it with everyone.It can be seen that beliefs have such a great influence on people.

In fact, you don't need anything to be happy at all, you don't need a total solar eclipse to be happy, you don't need any reason, you can be happy immediately.Think about it, if you send a big bonus, you are very happy, but the happiness is not given to you by the bonus, but your belief is telling you: "When I paid the bonus, I allowed myself to be happy." So when you actually pay the bonus, it will send a signal to the brain, so the facial muscle reaction will change, followed by the feet, body, breath, and even the whole nervous system, so you will feel a kind of The feeling called "happy".

I think that once we try to build our happiness on things beyond our control, then pain is inevitable.If you don't want to live in pain and fear all day long, you have to readjust your beliefs and take good control of your mentality, body and emotions.

Self-control expert hot comment
Everyone has different beliefs, feelings, behaviors, and reactions are also very different. As for what actions we will take and who we will be in the end, it depends on what beliefs we adopt.So, to have a life that doesn't get out of control, you have to change the habits that psychologically plant unhappy beliefs.

"Cut out" our fears
Fear is a psychological habit that can stalk us like tarsal maggots as our negative habitual thoughts run, but with unwavering self-control it can be achieved Freed us from this terrible inertia.

Haven't you noticed that the person who is fearful is actually looking forward to the very thing he fears.And the law was strong enough, as if he was longing, begging, for it to happen.This rule applies to both situations, and no matter what the situation is, the rule will still apply.

Why not take the postgraduate entrance examination?You know it's a good way out of the situation.

——I know, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to pass the English. What if I can't pass the review for a year.

Now that I have met the other half that I like and likes myself?

——People often say that a rich man is unreliable, and I am afraid that he will betray me in the future.

So why not go to a big city to find a job?

——I also want to go, but I can't compete with people with high education outside.

Why not just stay in peace like this and live a relaxed life like the people around you?
——I am afraid that I will be like them, and my life will be ordinary...

Here is another man imprisoned by a mental habit of fear.There are not a few people in this state of life. They are afraid of everything: they are afraid of losing money when they do business, they are afraid of losing money when they communicate with others, they are afraid of getting hurt when they fall in love, and they are afraid of failing in exams... …their lives are filled with fear.The worst kind of fear is the constant premonition of something ominous to come.This ominous premonition will hang over a person's life like clouds hang over a volcano before it erupts.

People who are bound by fear are unwilling to surrender to reality and dare not really try.The subconscious in our hearts keeps reminding: I really need it, but I'm really afraid.This repeated thought will make you less and less believe in yourself.

Nick is a railroad worker in the United States. One day, when he was ordered to check a train car with a refrigerated function, he was accidentally locked in the car. After a while, no one heard his cry for help. He found that the air was getting thinner, and the freezing effect made him feel colder and colder. Nick had to curl up his body and pull his collar higher...but unfortunately, when others found out, Nick There was no way to recover, he was "frozen to death" in the carriage.However, what is puzzling is that the refrigeration function of that car was actually malfunctioning, and Nick was just killed by his own fear.

Some people themselves can realize that this kind of fear is completely unnecessary, but they can't control themselves. Even if they try their best, they still can't get rid of and eliminate the bad psychology, so they feel extremely disturbed.

In fact, we should look at fear correctly and find the bottom line of fear.We can control this instinct in some ways.For example, tomorrow you are going to give a law popularization lecture in front of 200 people, but when you think of so many people you don’t know sitting there, you feel guilty and feel that you don’t know how to speak.In fact, you can do a psychological analysis: I am afraid of giving lectures to the public—I am not afraid of facing the public, but I am afraid that people will not agree with my courses—it is not that I am afraid of disapproval, but I am afraid that I cannot accept this kind of disapproval. The feeling of identification.After you have analyzed the deepest reason, you might as well say to yourself: I am at this level as everyone likes.After accepting the worst result you have preset, and implementing the best plan you have designed, you will find that fear is controlled and driven by you like a docile pony.If you let it go far away, it will never dare to approach you.

Self-control expert hot comment
Here is a small method that can help you slowly get rid of your fear.Write all the fearful things you can think of seriously on a small blackboard.After writing, lock this small blackboard in a box that you don't use often.Tell yourself: I'm putting all my fears here, and I'm going to do what I have to do.I'll come back to get my fear back when I'm done.Keep repeating this kind of mental exercise, and you will find that what you are afraid of is the fear itself, because 99% of the fear you have registered has not happened.

Don't worry about the things you can't control
Most people's minds are full of worries, and they are all-pervasive and lingering.For example: "What should I do if I can't pass the exam?" "What should I do if there is something wrong at home?" "Recently, my stomach is bloated. Could it be some incurable disease?"

Throughout human history, people have always been worried about survival issues due to wars, floods, earthquakes and other disasters, or man-made oppression and violations. Until now, these problems are still inevitable.On the contrary, the mental pressure brought about by the increasing crime rate, unstable social environment and fierce social competition has made our worries more and more serious.Moreover, the vicious news from the whole country and even the world conveyed to us by TV, newspapers, the Internet and other media has catalyzed our fear and anxiety, lest we will be the next victim.

So, is there any value in what we're worrying about right now?Ernie Zelinsky described it in his book "The Lazy People Are Very Successful":

40% of our worries are things that are impossible to happen, 30% are things that have happened in the past, 12% are some unnecessary worries about health, 10% are about daily trivial worries, and the remaining 8% 4% of them are things beyond our ability.

In this way, 96% of our worries are unnecessary, and only 4% are worth worrying about.So, why can't we get rid of this mental pressure easily?

This is because once worries and worries appear, a vicious circle will be formed.That is, worry leads to nervous tension, which leads to anxiety and fear in the mind, and this state will become more and more intense and repeatedly produce more sorrow.This kind of worry will directly consume both physical and psychological energy.

Once, something made me very unbearable. I lost sleep for a long time because of it. Those days were really painful.Later, I understood the truth of accepting the fact that it cannot be changed. I really felt that I had done a stupid thing. I actually tortured myself for a year for an unchangeable thing!

This is not to tell you that no matter what setbacks you encounter, you must bow your head and humble your ears. It must not be the case. That is the idea of ​​​​fatalists.No matter what accident happened, as long as there is still a chance of saving, even if it is a little bit, we must go all out to fight for it.But some things are unavoidable, and there will be no turning point again.When this happens, reason tells us that we should stop struggling in vain.

Famous actress Sarah Banhart knows best how to cope with the inevitable.For more than 50 years in her career, she has been the queen of four state theaters and one of the favorite actors of audiences all over the world.But at the age of 71, she lost all her money and went bankrupt.To make matters worse, according to the doctor, her leg also had to be amputated.

(End of this chapter)