Super self-control: not being a slave to habit

Chapter 17

Manipulating microbehaviors: instantly controlling the body and mind
Language has super leadership.People must not only learn to control their own consciousness, but also learn to control their limbs.When this self-discipline control function is not trained, people will be swayed by bad emotions, impulsive behaviors, desires and habits, your willpower will be rampant, and your self-control will not be able to exercise your hands and feet.

No one can keep the secret of his heart.Even though his mouth is silent, his fingertips are chattering, even every pore of his will betray him!

- Freud

Stop making small, unconscious movements

Half of people's information is expressed through body movements.Biting your lips, wiping your forehead, and touching your neck subconsciously, these small movements convey people's psychological activities.Body movements are unconscious instinctive behaviors that are difficult to deliberately control.But as long as you know the meaning of body language, we can better understand the psychological changes in our subconscious, so that we can control our body with ease in any occasion and situation, and convey the correct message to the other party. messages without unnecessary gestures and body movements.After you have the ability to control, pay attention to those who have not received self-control training, and you will find that they cannot freely control their bodies, thus revealing many inner secrets.

For example, when people try to hide facial expressions, they often cause hand movements.Paying attention to the micro-expressions of people when they speak can capture the psychological changes deep in the other person's heart.

(1) The "whisper" of eyebrows.

Raised eyebrows: expresses great joy or extreme surprise.

Frowning: Rejection, disapproval.

Eyebrows fully raised: unbelievable.

Eyebrows half raised: startled.

(2) Silence is better than sound.

Fingers crossed is a typical defensive posture. People who often do this often have childhood psychological trauma, which makes them wary of others in adulthood. If you cooperate with them, you should be prepared to fight a protracted war.

Touching the tip of the nose may be a sign of indecision, touching the ear may indicate doubts, scratching the head may indicate that the other party is a little restless, and covering the mouth may be subconsciously concealing the true thoughts. Seeing such actions, we must weigh the authenticity of the other party's words.

Knuckle breaking: This kind of person is used to snapping his fingers.They are usually energetic, very talkative, and like to get into the "horse corner".

He is picky about his career and working environment. If it is something he likes to do, he will work hard at it regardless of any cost.

Slap on the head: This action expresses remorse and self-reproach.This kind of person is harsh to people, but has a pioneering and enterprising spirit for the cause.They are generally outspoken, sincere, compassionate, and willing to help others, but can't keep secrets.

Flipping your palm outwards: It means lack of confidence or making up stories.

Hands in pockets: This gesture has three meanings—hiding himself deeply, not wanting others to grasp his personality and weaknesses; he is not listening to others seriously, and he is thinking about his own affairs; arrogant Reflect, think yourself cool.

Movements of other body parts can also convey a person's mind.

Waving or clasping hands during conversation: nervousness, or unusual agitation, or getting carried away, etc.

Constantly changing your sitting position, tapping on the arm of a chair, and changing the position of your legs are all attempts to end a conversation.

Biting your lips and scratching your ears when you're questioned is increasing your sense of control—a sign of anxiety.

The nostrils dilated, the lips tightened—angry, but under control.

Eyebrows raised and knit together—afraid.

After speaking, he gripped the armrest of the chair tightly, and did not approve of his statement.

Mouth pursed, eyelids tightened—fear, hidden fear.

……

Did you startle in a cold sweat when you saw this?You'll also find yourself making a lot of unmistakable little gestures, body language that completely betrays you.The negative information conveyed by bad body movements is likely to make others misread you, and you are also upset by these unconscious behaviors, which melts the positive energy of the mind and weakens self-control.

The following exercises are arranged in order to enable you to bring your muscles under the control of the will at will, so that your physical actions can be controlled by psychological forces.

In these exercises, I will begin by training the body to willingly accept the commands of the brain.

The first exercise, the one that must be mastered before the next ones, is that of controlling the movement of the muscles.At first glance, this may seem simple, but after a few experiences you realize that there is still a lot you don't know.The following exercises will help you gain control over your muscles.

(1) Sit quietly.This is not an easy task.It will require you to try your best to restrain unconscious muscle movement at the beginning, but after a short practice you can achieve sitting still without any muscle movement for 15 minutes or more.The best way to do this is to sit yourself in a comfortable chair, sit in a comfortable posture, and then relax completely while trying to remain completely still for about 5 minutes.Stick with this workout until you can do it easily, then increase the time to 10 minutes.When you have been able to reach 10 minutes, you will increase the time to 15 minutes, and that is the training you need to strengthen.You shouldn't let this workout tire you out, and certainly not any of our other workouts.The best way is to train for a while at a time, but do it often.Remember not to sit too tense, you must not put pressure on your muscles, you must be in a relaxed state of mind and body.This relaxation method will be useful for you when you want to get a good rest after tiring physical work.This is an ideal "full rest" rest, but you can also do this exercise sitting in a chair or lying on a couch or bed.

(2) Sit upright in the chair, raise your head, tilt your chin up, and retract your shoulders.Raise your right arm parallel to your shoulder, pointing to the right.Turn your head and look at your hands, keeping your arms in motion for 1 minute.Alternate left and right arms.When you can do this perfectly, increase the time to 2 minutes, then three minutes, and so on, until you can hold this position for 5 minutes.The palms should be facing down, which is the easiest position.By keeping your eyes on your fingertips, you'll be able to see if you can keep your arm relatively steady.

(3) Fill a wine bottle with water, then hold the bottle with your fingers and straighten your right arm to the front.Keep your eyes on the bottle while trying to keep your arm steady without visibly shaking.Start with 1-minute workouts and increase to 5 minutes.Alternate left and right arms.

Arrange a fixed time every day to do 15 minutes of practice, and the above three methods can be cross-practiced.Note that you should keep a calm mind and give yourself great encouragement and confidence during the practice.

Self-control expert hot comment
Don't tap the "devil's tattoo" on a table or chair, don't tap your foot on the stairs; don't rock your foot back and forth while you're talking or sitting; don't rock back and forth in a rocking chair Go; don't bite your fingers; don't flick your tongue in your mouth; don't keep blinking—these are little involuntary, habitual gestures that show a lack of self-control.

In short, whether you are standing or sitting, try to eliminate unnecessary movements of your hands, fingers, legs, eyes, eyebrows, lips, etc.

Train the magic of eyes

The eyes are the windows of the soul, and the eyes are also the pointer of "launching self-control".People differ in their ability to exert sensations, impressions, and influences with their eyes, as well as in their ability to accept the influence of others' eyes.Generally speaking, men are better at conducting than women, and women are more sensitive and receptive than men.

We can not only convey momentum with eyes, but also convey specific wishes: I want to run away, you are beautiful, I want you to marry me, I want to eat something in your hand, I am thirsty, you are dumbfounded, right? I want you to stay away from me, I order you to sit down, I know you will listen to me... We can express these things with eyes, and it is so intuitive that no one will doubt it.

Regardless of whether you are facing an individual or a group, using your eyes to strengthen your influence in a specific direction and make your gaze stronger in a specific direction is called "directional projection". If it lasts for a long time, it can be called "directional transmission".

"Directed transmission" is a method used to project positive influence on the other party, and this method is very simple.In social interaction, eyes play a much more important role in communication than we think.As the poet Rabindranath Tagore said: "The language of the eyes is endless in expression. It is as deep as the sea, as clear as the blue sky, where dawn and dusk, light and shadow, play freely."

Experiments done by psychologists have shown that the time when people make eye contact with each other usually accounts for 30% to 60% of the communication time.If it exceeds 60%, it means that each other's interest in each other may be greater than the topic of conversation; if it is less than 30%, it means that they are not interested in the conversation.As for the time of eye contact, except for people who are very close, the time of continuous staring at the other party is generally about 3 seconds. Too long eye contact will make you more interested in him than his words, and make the other party feel uncomfortable.

In social situations, in addition to grasping the gaze range of the eyes, we must also pay attention to the angle and method of eye gaze.You should use peaceful and friendly eye language, neither the eyes sparkle that appear to be overly passionate and almost artificial, nor the eyes are dull and appear to be perfunctory.

If your eyes are empty or you look east and west, it will make the other party feel unsteady, and they will have a preconceived opinion of you before you have spoken.

"Fixed staring" If you stare at a person firmly, especially staring at his eyes, whether intentional or not, it is a kind of impolite behavior, which will make the other person feel uncomfortable.Staring, on certain occasions, is used as a tactic of psychological warfare. If it is used rashly in normal social situations, it will easily cause misunderstanding and make the other party feel insulted or even provoked.

"Squinting" is a kind of unfriendly body language. In addition to giving people the feeling of squinting and arrogance, it is also a kind of indifferent voice.In the West, squinting one eye and blinking the eyelids at the opposite sex is a flirting gesture. "Squinting", for beautiful women, often conveys a kind of "squinting" language, making them feel an invisible harassment.

"Evasion" deliberately avoids the other person's gaze or glances around, which will make the other person feel that you are inattentive and guilty, and thus cannot be trusted.This is a body language message of hesitation and indecision.

The characteristics of the gaze of "strabismus" express rejection, contempt, confusion, contempt and other psychology.Competitors or other competitors in companies or shopping malls will inevitably confront each other head-on, and looking at each other in this way will give people a serious sense of contempt.

It can be seen that the language of the eyes reveals a person's quality and cultivation.A well-educated person will be good at controlling himself, and will not easily let emotions that are not conducive to communication show out of his eyes.

It cannot be ignored that you will also receive the influence of the other person's eyes.If your psychology is disturbed by the other party, then you will be easily defeated.Here is a little trick to avoid being influenced by the other party: look directly at the place just above the nose of the other party, or between the eyebrows, or the forehead.In this way, not only can your aura be directly perceived by the other party, but also make you less affected by the other party as much as possible.However, this is only a transitional stage in eye practice. If you can continue to develop your eyes according to our practice, you will be able to continuously improve your energy until you can look directly into the other person's eyes and disturb the other person without being disturbed by yourself. .

Awakening Self-Control: Radar Eye Exercises

In the following exercises, you must put your whole heart and soul into the set situation.

Exercise One: As you walk down the street, focus on the person in front of you.Keep a distance of at least 6-10 feet between the two of you, but further is fine.The eyes were fixed, eager, motionless, on him, on the back of his head and the back of his neck.Keep staring at him and imagine him turning his head to look in your direction.You'll need to do this a few times to get it right, but when you get the hang of it, you'll be amazed how much you can influence people.

Exercise [-]: When you are in a theater or other places, use your eyes to stare at the person sitting in front of you. The distance between you should be kept within the requirements of the previous exercise, and imagine that he will turn his head to find your gaze.You'll see him fidget, look uncomfortable, then turn his head slightly and take a quick look in your direction.It works even better if the other person is someone you know.The more familiar you are with each other, the less time this exercise will take.

Exercise [-]: Stand in front of the window, cast your eyes on the person who is walking in front of you, and at the same time use your willpower to command him to look up in your direction when he walks past your window.These experiments are great for increasing your confidence in this ability within yourself and getting a knack for sending brain waves outward.

Self-control expert hot comment
The eye is an extension of the brain in the eye socket. There are three levels of neurons at the bottom of the eyeball, just like the cells in the cerebral cortex, which have the ability to analyze and synthesize.Therefore, the eyes are the most sensitive among the five sensory organs of human beings, accounting for more than 70% of the sensory field.Eyes trained by nerves and muscles can not only send out a firm gaze, but also enable more energy to be transmitted to the nerve centers associated with the optic nerve, thus conveying a strong spiritual will.In turn, that is to say, the correct training of the eyes strengthens those forces which are used to control them—will power.

look at your mouth

The mouth is an expressive part of the facial expression.In the human facial organs, the target of the lips is relatively large, and the position is relatively obvious. The orbicularis muscles around the teeth are trained very flexibly in the process of learning vocal language, and often make more movements unconsciously. Express a lot of emotion.Even extremely subtle psychological changes will be vividly expressed by the flexible orbicularis muscle.Therefore, among the five sense organs that are good at interpreting silent language, it is second only to the eyes.

For example, lips half-opened or fully open express doubt, strangeness, a little surprise, and full opening expresses horror; lips pursed, expressing anger and dissatisfaction; yawning is a sign of boredom and sleepiness; nail biting is a nervous, anxious response ,etc.In public occasions such as socializing and negotiating, unless it is for the needs of communication and negotiation, do not make such mouth movements easily.

So, how should we specifically grasp our mental state from our mouth movements?

lower lip forward
When your lower lip is drawn forward, it shows that you are skeptical about the information you receive from the outside world, and you hope to see a convincing answer.

lips pursed forward
When a person's lips are pushed forward, it indicates that your psychology may be in a certain state of defense.

corners of mouth curled back

In the process of talking with someone, if the corners of your mouth are slightly stretched back, it shows that you are paying attention to the other person's conversation.

Mouth pursed into the shape of "one"

This is what most people do when they need to make a big decision or have an emergency.People with this kind of habitual action are generally stronger and have a tenacious spirit of perseverance. When facing difficulties, they will face difficulties instead of retreating.

bite lip with teeth
When some people are talking with others, they will bite their lower lip with their upper teeth, bite their upper lip with their lower teeth, or close their lips tightly. Others can see that you are paying attention and you are listening to the other party’s conversation. At the same time, he carefully figured out the meaning of the other party's words in his heart.This action has two meanings.One is "I'm listening to you, you have a point, I'll think about it".The second level means that you are ready to express your opinion.But before you express your opinion, you need to sort out your thoughts first, so as to hit the point.

(End of this chapter)